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[The scene: Dan and Phil are on their kitchen floor, surrounded by empty sauce jars. If you like, you can imagine them doing cute things as they talk like running their fingers through each other’s sauce-filled hair, idk]
*
“You don’t actually mind that I made an account, do you?” Dan asks.
“No. It’s fine.” Phil pauses. “Just as long as you don’t do anything, like, obvious, okay?”
“Phil, you’re crushing all my dreams. I was going to make an introduction post saying, ‘Hello, Phan is real, here’s a video of me and Phil having sex.’” He glances at Phil, eyebrows raised. “I’m not a fucking idiot.”
“No, I know you’re not. Just, like…you know.”
Dan rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry, Phil. If I ever post anything I’ll be very subtle. And even if I came right out and said I was Dan Howell, they’d never believe it was me.”
“Why not?”
“Because. I took precautionary measures."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I capitalized the first letter of each word in my username. They know the real danisnotonfire would never do that."
Phil laughs. "You really expect them to think about it that deeply?"
“I know for a fact they'll think about it that deeply.”
“Dan Howell, master of disguise.”
“You know I am. And Phil?”
“Hm?”
“If I ever do post, I promise I’ll let you pour, I dunno, maple syrup on my head.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that.”
“Yeah, and then we can have sex with it. Sound good?”
Phil gives him a look. “Sounds good.”
“Cool.”