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— Jongho-ssi! Hello, dear.
The familiar voice caught my attention, and I turned to Seonghwa with a smile on my face. The man was carrying a backpack bursting with everything inside, but his face betrayed no discomfort, even though I knew the bag was heavy, and beside him, the five-year-old girl hid behind her father's legs.
— Seonghwa, hi! It's so good to see you.— I greeted my friend, getting up from the park bench to offer him a handshake, then bent down to speak to Jihye. — Hi, princess! How are you?
— Are the twins here? — She asked, ignoring my greetings, and Seonghwa and I laughed in unison.
Seonghwa's daughter got along really well with my twins, and they became good friends right the first time they met on the playground, so I wasn't really offended that she wanted to know more about her friends than about me.
— Jiji, where are your manners? — Seonghwa scolded just to make a scene, because with the easy smile on his face, he certainly wasn't threatening anyone.
I waved my hand in front of me, showing Seonghwa I didn't care, and smiled at the little girl.
— They're playing on the swing. — I looked toward the playground where they were, and Jihye followed the movement. — Do you want to join them?
I had barely finished the question when Jihye was nodding repeatedly. A second later, she was running toward the playground and my children, who greeted her with a tight hug. Yoonji, in particular, gave her a peck on the cheek and seemed as happy as Jihye was to be reunited.
As if they didn't see each other a few times a week.
— They're inseparable — Seonghwa commented with a smile, settling into the bench next to me. — I wasn't even going to come today, but Jiji really wanted to play with the twins. I think we were lucky to find you here.
— I'm glad you came. Yoonji couldn't stop talking about Jihye as well. — I smiled in response. — I think we should make better arrangements to meet up so they can play together instead of just counting on luck. Are you guys coming tomorrow?
— Oh, no, no. Tomorrow Hongjoong and I are going out to celebrate our wedding anniversary. — Seonghwa smiled so beautifully and happily that I couldn't help but smile too. — I'll leave Jihye with her grandmother so we can have the whole day to ourselves.
— Ah, that sounds amazing! Mingi and I haven't had a break in ages. Raising twins is wild. — I chuckled. — Congratulations to you both, by the way! How many years together?
— We'll be celebrating eight years of marriage. — He smiled broadly again. — But we've been together for ten. What about you and Mingi?
The question caught me in a way I hadn't expected. I frowned and started thinking about how to answer it. I know we've been living together for ten years, but before this decision, we'd been together for at least three.
My gaze dropped to my hands. I had a few rings adorning my fingers, but none of them was a beautiful and impressive wedding ring, like Seonghwa's. I'd never had a wedding ring because Mingi and I never got married.
Coming to think about it… Mingi had never asked me to be his boyfriend, and neither did I.
Of course, we shared intimate moments, a king sized bed, I kissed him when I came home from work, and he brought me breakfast in bed every Sunday morning. We never had a problem exchanging "I love yous" and kissing passionately whenever we could.
So why don't we date?
— Jongho? — Seonghwa placed his hand on my shoulder, looking at me with some kind of concern.
I didn't realize I'd let my thoughts show so much, but I forced a smile at my friend before answering:
— Thirteen. We've been together for thirteen.
To my delight, Seonghwa decided not to ask much further, and I could breathe a sigh of relief for a second. Just a second, because the thoughts kept coming back to me.
Mingi didn't love me enough to want to date me? No, that doesn't make sense; we live together and have two six-year-old children.
Could Mingi be seeing someone else, and that's why he didn't want to commit to a serious relationship with me? We'd never even mentioned exclusivity.
I let my shoulders slump and, honestly, barely noticed the day go by. I wasn't completely out of it and oblivious to my surroundings, of course; It's impossible to be stuck inside your own head when you have two kids to pay attention to, care for, and remind them to eat and drink water, plus occasionally need to clean a cut after a scrape, but I also can't say I was fully present, especially when things calmed down and I only had Seonghwa's company to distract me.
Don't get me wrong, Seonghwa is always a great company! We have a lot to talk about all the time and get along as well as our children. However, it was always when things calmed down that I would think about my relationship with Mingi again.
Was I not enough for him? Did he really need other people on the side? And if he was seeing someone else, what right would I have to fight with him if we hadn't made any commitments?
I'm sure Seonghwa noticed I was different and distant, because he looked at me with the same concern he looked at Jihye when she fell to the ground and cried. I wondered if I looked like a child who had tripped and scraped their knee, because that was exactly how I felt.
Seonghwa also offered me a ride home, but I preferred to walk and have some time alone to think for a while. Which, of course, went wrong. I always forget I have two six-year-olds who wouldn’t allow me time to think.
Mingi was finishing dinner when we walked in. The smell of his cooking was always wonderful, and my stomach growled just from that. He wore comfortable clothes, and square glasses rested on his nose. He looked away from the pots and pans to give us a huge smile.
— Look who's here! The three loves of my life!
The twins ran towards him, and Mingi bent down to scoop them both up in a tight hug, kissing their cheeks, and receiving two kisses at the same time in return. It felt like they hadn't seen each other in ages, but I'd only taken them to the playground for a few hours after lunch.
— Did you guys have fun? What did you do today?
I left the three of them chatting in the kitchen (read: the twins talking and interrupting each other while Mingi looked at them smiling dumbly and reacted accordingly as they told their stories, without even having room to say anything) and went to unpack my backpack and set out clean clothes for me to wear after my bath.
Speaking of baths.
— I bet daddy's loving the stories, but you guys need a shower, and he has to finish dinner. — I returned to the kitchen, and despite sounding a little tired, I tried to speak as lightly and cheerfully as I could. — Yoongho, you go first. You're all covered in dirt. And you better take the shower right, I'll check.
— Can we watch a movie later? — Yoonji asked, and I looked at Mingi. He seemed as excited about the idea as his daughter.
— Okay, your dad and I will set up the living room while you guys get clean. — I agreed. — But we’ll only have the movie night if you both take a proper shower.
It was easy to convince them, and I knew they would comply on the condition that we'd watch a movie in the living room, complete with the mattress, blankets, and the option to choose which cartoon they wanted to watch this time. They both ran excitedly through the house, and I was about to follow to set out their pajamas and towels when Mingi pulled me by the waist and placed his nose on my neck. I closed my eyes automatically and brought my left hand to his hair, stroking it lightly.
— I think it is not very pleasant either. I sweated as much as they did under the sun today. — I joked, but Mingi pulled me a little closer in his embrace.
— You're always pleasant. — He spun me around by the waist until I was facing him. — You were the only one who didn't kiss me when you came back. You know I don't function without your kisses.
I rolled my eyes, but the smile on my face didn't let me lie that that simple gesture and words had completely softened me. I wrapped my arms around Mingi's neck and offered him a long kiss. He parted his lips, seeking to deepen it, but I pulled away with one last peck on his lips, and slipped out of his arms.
It was weird to notice how even that tiny distance made me already feel incomplete after being between his arms.
Mingi was the one who shrugged this time, looking upset by my lack of warmth. I won't lie, I felt bad for being so in my head that I let my thoughts show, to the point of making Mingi sad; after all, he didn't deserve any different treatment than usual, so I leaned in to cup his face between my hands and met his lips once more.
— Would you help me with the mattress?
I didn't have to ask twice. Mingi turned off the stove and followed me to the bedroom to get the king-size mattress from our room. The mattress was big enough for the four of us, especially since we usually huddled together. One of my greatest prides is being part of such a loving family. I owe that to Mingi, for sure.
Speaking of him, he seemed much calmer after the second kiss I gave him. No pout on his face or downcast expression to make me feel guilty as we carried the mattress around the house.
The only one who wasn't feeling well was me.
— Mingi, when's our anniversary?
His head tilted slightly to the side, and a confused (and cute) expression spread across his face.
— Mine's August 9th and yours is October 12th. Why?
The answer made me laugh out loud. Of course he would answer that; I should have guessed.
I threw some pillows on the newly placed mattress in the middle of the living room and walked over to him, planting a kiss on his cheek.
— No, Mingi, look, forget the anniversary. What are we?
Mingi looked into my eyes for a few seconds that felt like an eternity. Then he hit his chest with his fist twice and made a peace sign.
— We're bros.
My jaw dropped. Of all the answers I'd imagined Mingi would give me while rehearsing the dialogue in my head, this was the only one that didn't cross my mind.
— We live together. — I heard my own voice come out monotone, I was so astonished. — And we have two kids.
— Yeah! It's really nice to be your friend.
I couldn't put my feelings into words. I was disconcerted, to say the least.
Mingi laughed as if he'd told the funniest joke in the world. I would have laughed along if I weren't so mad at him right now. I crossed my arms and turned my back on him, heading toward the bedroom again, using the excuse that I should get blankets for us and the kids, but really I just wanted Mingi out of my sight.
— Love, hey. — Mingi followed me, tripping over his own feet as he laughed. — Is that why you're so annoyed today?
— Oh, now I'm your love? — I didn't answer the other question, choosing to stand in the middle of the room with my arms still crossed and my cheeks puffed out to appear more threatening. — I'm not just your friend anymore, bro?
— Jongho, come on! Stop it, you know I was joking. Of course you're my love.
— And what else? — I insisted.
Confused eyes stared into mine, searching for the right answer. He knew it had one, but he probably hadn't even understood the question from the way he was looking at me, and it was very clear how much he was struggling to find the exact words I wanted to hear.
The thing is, not even I knew what I wanted to hear.
— The love of my life, the light of my path, the most stunning flower in my garden, the most beautiful love song ever written, my fried chicken with hot sauce-
— Min. — I interrupted, covering my mouth with my hand. I’m just a little man in love, and of course the words melted me, so I had to find alternative ways to hide my smile. Despite that, I felt my cheeks burning, and I was sure he could see my face and neck turning red. — It's not that. What am I to you? What are we?
— You are my…
His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes lit up. The lack of an answer on the tip of his tongue told me he'd finally understood what I'd been desperately wanting to know. He opened his mouth a few times without really being able to formulate an answer, and I could almost hear the gears in his brain turning to find it.
Boyfriend? No.
Husband? Not even close.
Roommate? Too impersonal.
Father of my children? Sure, but with a divorce-like vibe. Not what we’re looking for.
— My bro. — He concluded for the second time that it was the best answer he could offer me, and I had to turn away as the laugh escaped my mouth without being able to contain it, leaving Mingi even more confused than he already was.
He didn't need to say anything else; the weight had already lifted from my shoulders just by looking at his face as he struggled to come up with that terrible answer. It was crystal clear he wasn't using our lack of status to date someone else, and it didn't even cross my mind that Mingi didn't love me. He just hadn't thought about it as much as I hadn't thought about it until now.
— I didn't know- I hadn't thought- We never-
I chuckled again, moving closer to Mingi to bring his head to my chest and stroke his bleached hair. Mingi wrapped his arms around my waist, his breathing slowly slowing.
— It's okay, Min. I started overthinking today, but I already have all the answers I need.
— I had no idea this was important to you, we've never talked about it, but I love you regardless of any title. — He spoke quickly, standing up from the hug and looking me in the eyes as if he wanted me to telepathically read his love for me.
I didn't need to. His love was evident in the kisses I received every day, in the seasoning of his food, in the loving gaze that overflowed with all his feelings, in the way he held me.
— It's not important, it was just a conversation that got me thinking. Don’t worry about it, bro.
It was his turn to roll his eyes and pull out a pillow to hit me. After giving him a very offended look, I grabbed another one to retaliate.
We dragged our pillow fight into the living room, and the laughter and shouting certainly caught the attention of the twins, who came over with their own pillows to join in the fight. No one had a single target anymore; it was every man for himself. I tried to be light on the force whenever I was about to hit one of the kids, but I didn't hold back at all when my Mingi was the victim.
The fight dissipated when Mingi dropped the pillow and picked Yoonho up, showering him with kisses, then doing the same with Yoonji. This kind of scene was common around here, but being accustomed to it didn't lessen the pounding of my heart every time I watched it. I knew I was in the right place, with the right people. I planted a quick kiss on Mingi's lips, unable to resist how in love with him I felt, and took my turn peppering the children with kisses and light bites, while I heard them laugh.
— The food must be cold by now. — Mingi lamented. He put the girl down and headed toward the kitchen, followed by me.
— Put the food away, let's have popcorn for dinner.
— Popcorn, popcorn, popcorn! — Yoonji began the chant, and it didn't take long for Yoonho to join in.
— I can't say no to my two loves and my bro.
I didn't pay attention. I was too busy getting the pan and the corn to pop enough popcorn to fill four stomachs, and the kids got into a serious discussion about what Disney movie we would be watching. I went for a quick shower after everything was set up, and curled in the mattress with my family, feeling happy, fulfilled and loved.
Mingi fell asleep during the second half of the movie. Yoonji was caught between watching the cartoon and making jokes about her father's snoring. Yoonho was the next to be carried into Morpheus's arms, and his deep sleep made it very easy for me to carry him to his bed. Yoonji and I held out until the end of the movie, but she was already yawning profusely when I kissed her on the forehead goodnight. She fell asleep before I could even close the bedroom door.
Back in the living room, Mingi was still fast asleep, and I felt bad about waking him to move the mattress back to the bedroom. So I just made sure to close the blackout curtains to ensure a good night's sleep for both of us and curled up with him. Even while sleeping, Mingi repositioned himself to accommodate me in his arms, as if it was something he needed as much as I did.
I used his chest as a pillow and his calm heartbeat as a lullaby, knowing I would meet him in my dreams in a few minutes.
-x-
Three little kisses on my face, and I woke up with a easy smile on my lips, which were soon graced by a short kiss as well.
— Good morning, love. — My voice faltered as I tried to say my first sentence of the day.
I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the mattress, missing the support of the headboard against my back, and remembered that we had fallen asleep in the living room the night before.
The Sunday breakfast tray had a huge mug of sweetened coffee, fruits - strawberries, apple, and bananas - already cut in a small container, and a plate of delicious-looking waffles. Mingi has brought me breakfast in bed every Sunday since we moved in together, and to this day, it brings a smile to my face. He's the kindest person in the world, and I feel so lucky to have him.
I looked up to thank him, but the words died in my throat when I realized how handsome he looked.
I mean, Mingi is always handsome, even when the kids decide to style his long hair and apply makeup as crookedly as possible to his face. But that morning, he looked exceptionally handsome.
He had replaced his square glasses with contact lenses, and his blond hair was slicked back and probably set with gel. His eyes wore light but shiny makeup, and his mouth was graced with a gloss that made it even more inviting. He also wore one of the most expensive suits in his closet.
Given all this beauty, I could only use my t-shirt to wipe the gunk from my eyes and try to smooth my disheveled hair so I looked a little more attractive and didn't lag so far behind him.
I knew there was no comparison.
— Mingi-ah, what's all this? — I asked, now able to speak a complete sentence without faltering, though my voice did sound a bit deeper.
— Dressing up for a special occasion. — He leaned in and kissed the top of my head.
I tried to recall the date. It was far from any of our birthdays. None of his friends were getting married. It was Sunday, so he didn't have any important meetings.
The children stood in the doorway of their rooms, watching and laughing as if they knew some secret. Apparently, I was the only one in the house who didn't.
— And what special occasion is this?— I gave up and finally asked, earning a wide smile from Mingi. A small red box was held out to me. He opened it, revealing two gold rings.
— Min, what are these?
— Wedding rings. — He answered simply, as if his heart wasn't pounding. I mean, mine felt like it was going to leap out of my chest at any moment, so I assumed his would too. — Will you marry me, Choi Jongho?"
I laughed.
Actually, I started to guffaw.
I wanted to stop and apologize to Mingi for my reaction, but I couldn't, and the corners of my eyes were already starting to fill with tears. It wasn't that I found the situation comical, quite the opposite; I knew how serious it was, and I could see that Mingi had put effort into the proposal. He probably woke up super early to go out and buy these rings and still had time to get ready and bake waffles for me. But I was overflowing with happiness, and that was how my body decided to react.
Luckily, Mingi understood me more than anyone. At this point in our relationship, I was sure he could read minds when he wanted to, or he just knew me better than the palm of his own hand, so all I had to do was nod my head in between my fits of laughter and he had already figured it all out.
My - now - fiancé took care of moving the tray away from me to avoid any accidents involving the hot coffee and tried to silence my laughter with a kiss that became clumsy for the same reason; I couldn't stop smiling, and neither could he.
— You didn't have to do that.
Mingi pulled away slightly so he could put the ring on my finger, and I quickly followed suit. He quickly pressed his lips to mine again.
— If my bro wants a wedding anniversary, we'll have a wedding anniversary.
I patted his shoulder lightly, but pulled him in for another kiss right away. We probably exchanged at least one of those between every sentence.
— Don't you think we skipped a few steps?
No answer was needed. Mingi just looked around the house, and I understood. We had already skipped a lot of steps.
— Okay, okay, you're right. — I looked down at my hand, now adorned with the golden ring, and smiled foolishly.
Until I had a ring on my finger, I didn't really care about one. Or at least, I told myself I didn't care. It's not like I thought too deeply about it during the years I’ve been with Mingi, because the life we led was full of love and of the dynamic of the happiest marriage ever, even without actually having one, but I can't deny that having the gold ring on my finger melted me and made me happy.
I was sure I was born to be married to him.
— I love you, Song Mingi. — I whispered.
— I love you, bro. — He replied in the same tone, and this time I didn't ignore him and threw him onto the mattress as a form of punishment.
The kids took this as a "time to join us!" and before I knew it, we were all piled up on top of Mingi. He was making a face that I knew didn't reflect his feelings, and did his best to hug us from the position he was in.
— I love you three. — Her voice was weak, a little breathless, so I lowered the children to the safe side of the mattress to let their father breathe, but I didn't have the courage to get off him myself.
— We love you too. — I said it back. — Can I go around lying to people and say we've been married for ten years?
— I think you deserve that poetic license. I’ve been calling you husband for my friends for a while, so.
Mingi shrugged and I laughed in disbelief. He’s been calling me husband around and yet it took him thirteen years to propose.
— Don’t look at me like that. — He frowned. — You could’ve asked too.
— Nah. We’re bros.