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I hear a scream of my name, coming from a few yards off. Wheezes and wretches follow the noise.
‘STEVE!’ the voice comes again, shrill and terrified. Is that Henderson? Yes, it must be.
‘Henderson what is it?!’ confusion is lining my face.
‘Its, E-Eddie!’ he gasps. Shit. Shit. Shit. What’s he gone and done?! ‘Steve c’mon, quick!’ Dustin screams, already running off.
‘Wait, Henderson!’ I call, but he’s too far away to hear me. I run after him, Nancy and robin trailing behind me.
* * *
The sight before me doesn’t register in my brain. Eddie, covered in grime. Blood. Drool. Pain.
I can sense Robin’s worry and Nancy’s shock as they stand behind me, panting. I fall to my knees, hands in hair, my axe clattering on the musty floor beneath me.
‘Steve! Please do fucking something!’ there was his voice again, I could tell he was ruined. I was too, but why did I care so much!? I screamed in my brain. Dustin was shaking my shoulders, crying ‘please, please, please’ I crawl over to his lifeless body.
‘R-robin count me in.’ I manage; I must try. . . for Henderson.
‘Yep, uhm ok!’ she splutters, as I ready my hands for CPR.
‘Steve. . .’ I feel nance’s cold grip on my shoulder, ‘he’s gone.’ She whispers, not enough for Dustin to hear
I sense that edge to her voice, that she’s trying to hide, the one that is telling me to give up.
‘Nance! Please just stop. I need to focus.’ I say, annoyance dominant in my voice. She takes a step back, bowing her head. In thought i scream, Fuck, Steve, that was too harsh.
I keep pressing to Eddie’s chest.
‘. . .28, . . .29, . . .30’ says Robin quietly, drumming her hands along to the beat. ‘Now breathe into his mouth twice!’ I do as such. For the mere moments, our lips connect I feel how cold they are, his blood now on my face. The heaviness of that ichor . . . its broken something inside me. My eyes are stinging, but I keep pushing, not even following the beat, just pressing mindlessly into his bust screaming, ‘C’mon man, please, just c’mon!’ in the end I’m merely punching his chest, hoping for any sign of life, until I fall forwards, my head hitting his torso, weeping.
He is gone, well and truly dead.
I feel another hand on my shoulder, but this one is different. Its sympathetic and weighted; calloused and warm. Dustin.
‘Steve, we need to go, the b-bats are moving!’ Robin says, panic running through her voice.
‘I don’t fucking care Robin! I’m staying. I’ll let the sons of bitches kill me if they must, but I am NOT moving.’ I feel like I can’t breathe, I’ve felt like this before, like when I lost my baseball game. My father was angry. It was terrifying seeing him like that, red dancing in his eyes. He hit me that night. The feeling of betrayal almost hurt more than the blow; but even then, the feeling wasn’t this heavy.
The hand on my shoulder tightens, ‘Please Steve, just come one.’ Oh Henderson, his voice is sickening. I look up at him now, staring into those dark eyes. It would be cruel for me to leave him now.
He offers me a hand, and I take it.
I think about carrying Eddie back but, his weight in my arms, I couldn’t. This shit feels like all my fault. If only we had ‘defeated’ Vecna sooner, would we be in this situation!? The anguish feels unbearable, and suddenly I’m on my knees again, choking on tears. Dustin hugs me long and hard, and we keep walking. One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other, one foot – we made it to the trailer. It took a while, because even though Vecna was supposed dead, we were still cautious of the vines, and with Dustin’s limp, along with everyone’s weariness. . .
I’m looking up at the entrance. . . or is it exit!? Fucking hell! Ugh, I can’t even think straight. But what I am seeing is straight. The trailer is destroyed. Everything Eddie loved. Gone. Just like him. I just, I just need to get out of here. I’m trying not to scream, the world its, its going away. Black.
I’m steadily opening my eyes, yet dust weighs them down. That familiar smell of musk, and pancakes, is tainted with something else. Fear. I’m in Mike Wheelers basement. I turn my head slightly, tears falling down my cheeks. They are heavy and cold, like Eddie’s blood from. . . yesterday? Earlier? Moments ago? Ugh, I don’t even know.
I hear voices edging closer. Robin, and is that. . . Karen? But there’s a third voice. One I don’t recognise.
‘Yes, he had a remnants of a neck injury and scratches all over him. I think he was hurt in the earthquake.’ That is definitely Karen.
‘Oh god, another one. We’ve had to set up a base in the school, so many goddamn injuries.’ Karen takes in a sharp intake of breathe. She hates swearing, it’s something I had to learn not to do when dating Nance . . . oh fuck where is she?! ‘Young lady, were you with – what’s his name?’
‘Steve, Steve Harrington.’ Nancys voice appears, and I nearly fall out of the couch.
‘ – Steve when the earthquake hit?’
‘Yes, we both were, doctor.’ Nancy says hastily. ‘We were mostly ok, but Steve, we wanted him to get checked for he was uhh bitten-’
‘Bitten?! By what?’ Karen and the doctor say at the same time. Nancy falls silent, her mouth making an ‘o’ shape, while she wracks her brain for an escape route.
‘By an uhm, stray dog!’ Robin says loudly, sticking her pointer finger in the air, ‘we wanted to make sure he didn’t have rabies.’
‘Yeah rabies!’ Nancy pipes up.
‘Mum help! He’s trying to move again!’ comes Holly from the top of the basement stairs.
‘Coming Holly!’ Karen calls back, but she doesn’t reach the door in time, Dustin bursts through it, moving surprisingly fast down those stairs considering his limp.
‘Steve?! Are you alright, man?’ he shouts. He can see my tear-streaked cheeks and red eyes, but I don’t care if he sees me cry. I don’t care if Robin sees me cry. I don’t even care if Nancy sees me cry. I just can’t feel anything, yet all my emotions seem to be flooding into me at once. I’m happy because we escaped, angry because Vecna’s still alive, and sad because Eddie – God there he is again, filling my mind – is dead. That bastard cut the rope, cut his freedom and life just like that. Why man, why’d you do it?
Yet I still lie.
‘Yes, I’m alright Henderson,’ I sit up, and begin to walk out the room. ‘I just need some fresh air.’ As I walk past the doctor and Karen talking, I catch the wisp of a name.
‘Maxine Mayfield? Yes, she has been hospitali-’ I run out the room before he finishes. Fuck. I’d been so worried about Eddie and Dustin, and just everyone else, I completely forgot about Max! At least it sounds like that shithead is still alive. Hopefully. . .
* * *
The sun is fully risen now, how long I’ve been sitting out here on the paving, against Nance’s car, I don’t know. The rest of them have been gathering old toys, blankets, and clothes to give to the people who need them. I vaguely hear Karen and nance talking about an old stuffed toy, when. . .
Suddenly there’s a noise, it sounds like a bike horn? The others rush out from behind the car, standing by me, while a bright, yellow van swerves on and off the road. Karen dashes to see the noise. Confusion lines her face as she says, ‘did someone order a pizza?!’ I can see a smile forming on Henderson’s face. He knows.
The van door opens and out steps, a kid with a really awful haircut, Will, I think his name is; Nance’s bitch of a brother Mike; Eleven, whose hair has been shaved once again (if I’m being perfectly honest, it looks better than Will’s haircut); Johnathan, who I’m almost happy to see; and this strange, red eyed dude, with rainbow socks? Who the hell is he?!
Dustin runs, full pelt, hugging Will and Eleven, while Mike runs to Karen, as she screams, ‘I’m never letting you go on vacation again! In fact you can forget college!’ I watch from afar as Mike hugs Nance, then goes to Dustin. The smile on Henderson’s face, it’s the first I’ve seen in a long time. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nance and Johnathan kiss. It hurts, but not in the way I thought it would? Its jealousy, but not for Nance, but for both of them. A happy couple, no difficulties, both alive and well, be it, a bit traumatised, but alive.
I sigh to myself, and walk back into the Wheeler’s house, Robin following rubbing my shoulder.
* * *
Im standing back in Hawkins High, a place that holds so many memories for me. Winning my basketball matches and being swim team captain. The shared kisses with nance, to our breakup, where she couldn’t say ‘I love you.’ Seeing Eddie roam the halls, speaking rapidly about some book trilogy called Lord of the Rings, or acting out a section of his most recent DnD campaign, and even watching his sullen face every time he attended the graduation ceremony, but was never called up. He would walk out the hall, head hung low, kicking little pebbles that crossed his path. If I hadn’t been such an asshole back then, I would have come and comforted him. Damn me. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen Eddies face as crest fallen as last night. . .His eyes staring numbingly to the torn sky above him, little beads of blood and sweat dripping from his cheeks with a gentle, blip, blip, blip. His hair tousled more than usual, and fingernails encrusted with thick, Upside Down grime.
Oh great there he is again, haunting my brain like a fucking ghost. Piss off for an hour, won’t you?
I try to distract myself, by folding the clothes laid out in front of me, keeping an eye on the rest the group that came here. Nance had gone to the hospital to see Max with Johnathan, Will, Mike, and El, so it’s just me, Dustin and. . . Robin? Where, where is she?
Then I spot her, she’s talking with a girl who owns short fiery hair. Vickie. I panic for Robin. She’s never been well good at knowing when to stop talking. . . or understanding basic social cues. . .or walking in a decently straight line. . .but I guess that just makes her, her.
They seem to be talking, happily. Robin seems nervous but happy, with Vickie much the same. A grin can’t help taint my lips. As Vickie walks into the back room to go retrieve something, Robin catches my eye and does a little happy dance. She gets so into it in fact, she doesn’t notice Vickie stood in the doorway, just staring at her, face blank. Robin stops dancing and sees Vickie, she flushes a bright red, before Vickie takes her hands and starts dancing with her. I stifle a laugh. These two idiots, finding light even in the darkest of days. They deserve one another.
* * *
After 3 long, but well-done hours, we return to Hopper’s cabin. We all begin to recount the events of the past few days. They talk about Max and her situation. It hurts to know we couldn’t save her. Apparently, there is still hope, but it’s only a little bit. Lucas is refusing to leave the hospital, so Erica talks for him. then the conversation turns to the topic I was dreading. Dustin whispers the dreaded words of ‘he’s dead.’ And I have to bite my lips to stop myself from crying. Mike hugs Dustin tightly, before will returns the favour to Dustin. Will goes to hug mike, but mike purely turns his back to him, so he’s just stranded there, arms hanging in the air. He flushes and quickly steps back to the corner he stood in before. I see robins face fall with his, eyes looking glassy. I cant stand all these emotions, so I get up and walk out the room. I glance at Robin and Dustin, sending a silent message of not to follow me.
The air is warm and dead. I start to light a cigarette, but my lighter refuses to work. I huff as I put the cigar back to my pocket. I hear a branch snap behind me, then a gentle sorry. I turn my head slowly, hoping for anyone but robin, Nancy or Dustin. I cant stand their sad gazes they keep sending me. Luckily its not any of them. Its young Byers. I don’t know him well, so why he came looking for me, will remain a mystery. He comes and sits next to me, in silence.
Byers has grown up a lot since, the whole Getting–lost–in–the–Upside–Down fiasco. His jaw line is well defined, his grey-ish, hazel eyes, still as blown wide as ever, bunny teeth on full display as he smiles fakely at Mike who’s peering nervously through the cabin’s window. He looks strong and broad, ready for the fight ahead, however disastrous, and morbid it may be.
‘So what is it, baby Byers? What knowledge you wish to shed on me?’ I say, my voice coming out more sarcastic than I meant. After a long silence I simply say ‘Sorry.’ But he merely brushes it off.
‘It’s alright. Steve. I don’t know how you feel, well maybe I do, but,’ he begins to stare wistfully into the sunset of burning Hawkins, ‘I never knew Eddie that well, only hearing about him from the few snippets featured in Mike’s letters to El.’ a sigh escapes his lips. ‘But the way Mike talked to him, made him seem like such a superhero, a great protector and leader and an amazing DnD player.’ That last comparison about Eddie seemed to sit bitterly in his mouth. You could almost see the sarcastic sparkles hanging round the words. What’s Nancy’s fuckass brother done now?
Will flapped his hands. ‘Anyway, as I was saying,’ there he goes again, purely wiping away the things that sting him, ‘That pain you may feel, Steve, don’t be ashamed of it. Pain doesn’t mean weakness, it means strength, how you still have the courage to fight on, even with something weighing you down. For a while, your heart may hurt, and your head may suggest some. . .things, but you shouldn’t listen to them. They’ll only make the gash bleed harder. You need to wait for the white blood cells to start fixing the wound before you even start to think about those. . . things again.’ I know what he means by things. Sex, drowning myself in alcohol and drugs, etc. I start to think deeply, before Will pipes up again, ‘Shit, sorry for giving you a whole ass monologue on pain and science.’
‘No, no, it’s alright, I got the message. Thanks Byers.’ My eyes began to well with tears. I try to cover my dilated pupils with my calloused hands. I’ve let so many people see me cry, these past hours. I know what my dad would say,
‘Harrington’s don’t cry, son. Suck it up and don’t be a pussy! The world has no use for pussies.’
The hand mark of where he hit me years ago, burns.
‘Cry.’ I hear his voice says again. Angry and loud. ‘It’s ok to cry, Steve. Go on. Let it out.’ That’s not his voice, that’s Will’s. Quiet and caring.
So I do. I cry. Its strangled and ugly. Hot and heavy, but it’s what I need. I choke on Eddie’s name, watching the ashes float around Hawkins, wondering if he’s a part of them. Will stayed with me the entire time. Rubbing my back or grabbing me a glass of water.
Eventually Robin comes out of the cabin to see where I’d gone, only to find me curled up and panting on the mossy floor. She ran to me, squeezing me tight. She thanked Will dearly and told him I’ll be ok with her. He gets up slowly, sympathy scarring his face, and he leaves with a final, ‘Its ok Steve, you can be different. You can be something other than, perfect, Steve “The Hair” Harrington.’ It felt like he was more talking about someone else than me. It was a confusing line, but I think Robin caught onto the meaning.
I stay there, with Robin for the rest of the night, watching the embers of the world float around me.
Epilogue 1
Today is the 6th of October 2014. The day Gay Marriage was legalized in Indiana. Robin and Vickie are officially married! Right after the war with Vecna, they got married in secret, only inviting me and Nancy. We held the small ceremony where they wore given rings of paper. And then we all watched Fast Times together. It was small and calm, something we all needed after the deaths.
But today, they were married with real gold rings, a white, pearlescent dress for Vickie and a tux decorated with pink triangles for Robin. Many people showed, so much so we filled the hall to max. I was the Best Man, and Erica the flower girl. Nance the Maid of Honour and even Dustin serenaded.
I remember when Robin first told Dustin about Vickie. She had been freaking out for ages over it, when she finally blurted it out during one of their teaching-Robin-to-play- DnD sessions. He was shocked and dazed, then ran and hugged her tight.
‘Ohhh, so that’s why Steve wouldn’t date you! I always thought you were too cool for him and-’
‘Alright dipshit.’ I say, while Robin shrieks with laughter and Dustin smirks.
Now he’s crying wildly, screaming, ‘GO ROBIN’ as it were football match.
Most of us are here. Joyce and Hopper, they’re getting older now, but their bond forever as strong. I spot Murray and Wayne talking close by. Wayne was always a great supporter of Robin. They became good friends after Eddie’s passing. She and Nancy would cook him meals and clean his knew home, just to keep Wayne sane. I would sometimes join, but it was hard. Murray is attending because he and Robin fought in the war together, as a team (and we all know how much he would whine if he wasn’t invited). Mike and Will are curled up together in the corner, Mike forever a light weight when it comes to alcohol. They finally sorted out their shit and are happily a couple. Mike still struggles with it some days, being ‘different’ and all, but Will is there with him every step of the way, supporting him no matter what crap they face. Max and Lucas are here too. Max awoke from her coma but still deals with side effects. Her legs are dead, and eyes blind. She’s cut her hair like Vickie’s all those years ago. I wont admit it, but it suits the dipshit. Then there’s Nancy and John, cooing over their new baby. They named her Elizabeth, El for short, in memory of the superhero who is no longer with us.
I’m refilling my drink, when a guy with a fairly trimmed beard, and messy salt and pepper hair walks over to me.
‘Enjoying yourself?’ He asks simply, a smile wide on his face.
‘Yeah, I am. How do you know the newlyweds?’ Robin hates that term, ‘newlyweds’ because they are not exactly newlyweds, but. . .still.
‘Vickie’s cousin, you?’
‘Robin’s,’ I want to say, ‘platonic soulmate’, but most would usually laugh. But something about this guy, makes me feel ok to say it, ‘. . .platonic soulmate.’ The guy somehow smiles wider and then sticks out his hand.
‘Harold.’
I take his hand and shake it. Its cold and bone-y. ‘Steve.’
Theres a long silence, as we stand watching people dance, beams of coloured lights, shining against out faces. I decide to start a conversation, I like this Harold guy, he’s cool.
‘Not a very American name you got there.’ I say, dying to know more.
‘I’m actually British! But I came to America to visit Vickie for her wedding before going to see the world. It’s a silly dream, but it’s my lifelong urge.’
‘No, not silly at all. I’ve never left Indiana before, too nervous, I guess.’
‘Ah so you must have had good experiences here?’ he says, turning to face me.
‘Yeah, you could say that’ The night seems to trickle on, me and Harold just talking about everything and anything.
Epilogue 2
Dear Diary,
Today is gonna be a hard day, I just know it. My partner Harold comes and kisses me gently on the cheek while I button up my shirt. I’ve been thinking a lot about Eddie recently. I understand why. I’m visiting his uncle’s funeral today. I got to know Wayne really well, and it was like getting to know Eddie all over again.
All the stories. All the photos. All the memories.
I look back and realise why I was so broken after Eddie died. The reason because I like him, loved him even. But I’d just been trying to hide myself from myself and from the world. But then Harold kissed me for the first time, and the realisation set into motion. . .it was quite a thump on the head.
I’m a proud bisexual man. Self-acceptance hasn’t been easy, neither has the world accepting me. But with Robin, Vickie, Mike, Will and most importantly Harold by my side, I get through day after day no matter the hardships.
I love them all dearly. From Will’s last words in his monologue, to Robin and Vickie’s sheer pride and acceptance for me, to Harold’s deep thoughts and kisses. Im happy to finally say, I found peace.
- Steve “No Longer The Hair” Harrington