Chapter Text
Dan Heng was in a moment in his life he liked to call peace.
His back laid in soft sheets as his hand weaved through familiar messy grey locks. A warm breath would tickle his collarbone every two seconds as her weight laid comfortably over his chest. The sound of her soft snores was like a gentle lullaby as he pushed a strand of her hair back and pressed his lips to her forehead.
A light feeling touched his chest as he savored the moment. The figure stirred in her sleep and Dan Heng pulled her closer to press her further into his embrace, ‘Sleep well, Stelle.’
She hummed as if having heard him and pressed her soft cheek to his heartbeat, Dan Heng could see her long eyelashes resting gently on her skin and he found himself trying to count them.
Dan Heng’s heart was full. So full it almost hurt, no, it did hurt more than he realized. There were no physical actions nor words he could have pieced together that would ever amount to the endless feeling constantly overflowing out of his chest.
But he was content with that, content that whatever choices he had made led up to what he was feeling in that moment. As he slid his hand into hers slowly, he paid attention to the groove of her knuckles; caressing them before gently moving his thumb to soothe her.
The words fell easily as he whispered them to her sleeping form, ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
The sudden voice caught him off guard and Dan Heng felt regret starting to seep into his peaceful moment when a smug face lifted from his chest to look at him directly. His expression contorted into a scowl but any intimidation he had was lost due to how red his face was.
‘You-… You were awake?’
‘I am now,’ she pouted with a teasing tone, ‘How can I not be when Dan Heng said he loves me so?’
Dan Heng reacted by slapping his palm over her face to push her gaze away from his red cheeks, ‘Go back to sleep.’
A small whine of protest left her as she resisted his hand and he gave up once she stubbornly rested her chin on his collarbone. She stared at him directly and Dan Heng leaned his head back with a sigh, ‘What will I do with you?’
Stelle giggled at him before giving an open mouthed kiss to his throat. Dan Heng tensed at the gesture and the woman merely moved to curl herself into his arms with satisfaction, ‘Goodnight, Dan Heng.’
‘Unbelievable,’ The man wanted to retaliate but his eyelids were heavier than usual and it felt as if something was pulling them closed no matter how much he resisted. It was a little strange but he must have been more exhausted than he realized
You win this round, was all he could think of before sleep forcibly pulled him into the abyss.
-.-
The bed felt unfamiliar as Dan Heng shifted in his sleep. His arm gently moved to stretch his stiff body but his fingertips slid across silk fabric.
Dan Heng’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Stelle’s sheets were cotton. When he turned his head, despite having his eyes closed, he was immediately assaulted by a bright light. Even if Dan Heng wanted to open them to see what was going on, he had to sit up and carefully blink his eyes awake.
The first thing he noticed was the teal blanket resting over his lap, it was supposed to be black, and he was confused as to why the room looked so bright. As Dan Heng lifted his head to scan the area, his limbs began to retreat towards his body as if to protect themselves from the weird unfamiliarity surrounding him.
This is not Stelle’s room and Stelle’s not here.
The only thing he could recognize was that the decor appeared to be of Xianzhou origins but that was about it. The room was wide and its walls were white accented with dark brown furniture carved with intricate designs.
As he looked to the window, there was sunlight seeping through and the sound of birds chirping made his ear twitch.
I am not on the Astral Express.
Dan Heng had to think for a second if he was in a dream or somehow experiencing one of Dan Feng’s memories.
But those memories always came fragmented and vague; featuring moments that usually seem to harbor an intense emotion while having no control over his body.
Yet Dan Heng could move, and all he was feeling was confused… and weirdly empty.
As his hand touched his chest, there was a weird ache he thought he would never feel again but it was back and worse than ever before. Without thinking, Dan Heng pinched himself.
He did not know why but there was a looming fear in him that told him he was in a nightmare. Despite the birds chirping beautifully in song and the sunlight casting gently onto him, something in him told him to get himself out of there.
But even after feeling the sting of the pinch, he did not wake up. Dan Heng scanned his surroundings as he felt around. The textures of his sheets felt realistic and his skin felt real.
As he touched his face, he noticed that his hair felt longer and when he pulled it forward, he realized it did not take much effort for him to do so. His long hair could be seen as clear as day.
When he reached up, just as he had guessed, his horns were there. Carefully, Dan Heng slid off the bed and the rest of his sleepwear’s weight returned to him as it hung off his body.
Huh?
Dan Heng looked down to see that he was not wearing his usual get up but a fancy teal robe with long sleeves held together by a loosely tied knot.
That was not something Dan Heng would wear often except for special occasions with Stelle, but his lover was not with him when he woke.
The first thing Dan Heng went to find was the mirror. There was a vanity within his reach and he made his way towards it. He did not know whether to expect his own face or an older unfamiliar one that looked eerily similar to his.
But as his eyes landed on himself through the mirror, he could tell that the face belonged to ‘Dan Heng’ . It was much more youthful and something in his gut told him that it was. But Dan Heng did not know whether he should feel relieved or worried.
If he had seen Dan Feng, he could have probably chalked it up to be some realistic dream he was having of his past life but instead he saw himself. So what was he doing there? Why was he there?
Dan Heng began to snoop around the place and found his phone lying on the table. When he turned it on, the first thing he noticed was that the wallpaper was different. It was a photo he didn’t remember taking. In fact, he was sure he had never taken such a picture.
It was a picture of him with the crew in front of the Astral Express Train with the background belonging to the Luofu. Yet for some reason, Stelle was not in it.
Dan Heng tried to ignore the scowl forming on his lips as he logged into his phone and went to check the messages.
The weirdest thing that he had to comprehend was that there was a series of names he didn’t recognize in his recent messages besides Bailu and Jing Yuan.
He ignored them and went to scroll for the Astral Express group chat but he couldn’t find them. That made him frown in confusion and double checked and checked again before he clicked on the archived chats to see that they were there, along with any private messages he had with the crew.
Except Stelle.
A headache was starting to form as Dan Heng clicked on the group chat and a ripple of shock moved through him as he saw the last message.
‘You have left the chat’
Dan Heng quickly read the messages that came before it.
You: May we meet again and may your journeys be safe.
Himeko: We’re happy to have had you onboard. Take care, Dan Heng.
March: I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures for you to see next time!
Welt: It was a pleasure having you part of the crew. Thank you for your service, Dan Heng.
Pom-Pom: May your journey lead you starward.
Dan Heng didn’t know his hands were trembling, there was a weird feeling curling in his throat as if he wanted to vomit. While Dan Heng was used to the fear of the crew leaving one by one, the idea of him being the first to leave was… Unheard of!
But then it hit Dan Heng that he was wrong. He did have those thoughts before but they were buried so long ago he forgot they even existed. At the time, it hadn’t been a fear, it had been the expectation.
Dan Heng’s forehead was starting to hurt from his scowl when he noticed another detail.
…Where was Stelle?
He checked the members in the group chat and sucked in a shaky breath when he saw that Stelle wasn’t there. He checked his archive chats but Stelle was not there either.
Dan Heng scrolled through every chat he had, nearly losing his mind, before his eyes widened seeing her contact way below.
‘Stelle (Stellaron Host/Herta Station)’
There was another uncomfortable ripple through his arms that reached his jaw, forcing them to clench. The first time he saved her contact, it had been just that but he long since changed it.
Well, Stelle did. She changed it to ‘ My One and Only Galactic Baseballer’ with a bat and heart emoji at the end and Dan Heng never bothered to change it to something else.
When he clicked on the chat there were only two messages from him.
‘Hi. This is Dan Heng.’
‘Remember to go find Himeko .’
She existed, but why was that their only message? Where were all her curious and ridiculous questions he had spent hours researching on to give an answer? Where were all his messages to inform her of his whereabouts or ask about hers?
Dan Heng’s heart began to pound as his quick brain moved to tell him the possibilities of what happened but for some reason his heart was refusing to listen to any reason.
He laid back down on the bed and covered himself with the blanket. It was just a nightmare he would wake up from, there was no use dwelling. When he woke, he would be back with Stelle in his arms and she would ask him if he had a nightmare as if she had witnessed it herself.
Dan Heng somehow managed to drift off to sleep, staying calm had its perks. But when he was woken up by his phone ringing, he found his calm beginning to unravel. He forced the gnawing of his chest away and went to check who was calling.
The contact was familiar at least, it belonged to Jing Yuan. Dan Heng answered cautiously, ‘Hello?’
‘I don’t suppose you’re sick, are you? You’re late for our meeting.’
Meeting?
Dan Heng did not know what to say, how does one pretend to be themselves? ‘I wasn’t feeling well, but I feel better now. Where are we meeting again?’
‘The usual.’
What was the usual?
He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping for something to come to his mind but nothing did. Unfortunately, the body didn’t provide him any memories he could refer to, ‘Forgive me, I’m a little lightheaded. What’s our usual again?’
There was a pause before a small chuckle echoed through, indicating to Dan Heng that he must’ve answered wrongly, ‘We could cancel if you wish. Not only did you forget where we’re meeting, you forgot we don’t even have a usual spot. You’ve been stretched thin these past few weeks, maybe you should rest before you forget your own name.’
‘No! I…I want to meet, I.. need it.’ I need to get to the bottom of this.
There was another long pause before Jing Yuan answered, his voice softer than his usual tease, ‘I’ll send you the location, it’s close to yours so you don’t have to travel too far. I have a surprise for you.’
Dan Heng didn’t want a surprise, he was already trying to handle the current one but he needed someone to talk to and if anyone were to help in the Luofu, it would have been Jing Yuan.
A few seconds later, Dan Heng received a message from Jing Yuan and from checking the map, he realized he was located in the Exalting Sanctum.
That struck him as odd. Dan Heng figured that if he were to be located anywhere in the Luofu, it would Scalegorge Waterscape or at least the Alchemy Commission. Curiosity spiked him as he walked over to the window.
Judging from the current view he saw, he must have been located several levels up so when he reached the edge of the window, his lips parted in shock at the sight.
The first thing that caught his attention was the billowing smoke clouds in the distance along with the lack of delves, namely the Alchemy Commission and Scalegorge Waterscape. Dan Heng felt a lurch of worry in his chest for his species.
As he looked down, he was surprised to see a ‘sea’. Well, it was too small to be a sea, a lake at best but he could sense that it was water from Scalegorge Waterscape and could see eggs resting below; crowded together, making Dan Heng’s skin crawl.
Vidyadhara eggs don’t normally crowd together beyond two or three clusters. To see dozens of eggs so close to each other, Dan Heng could not help but be concerned by the stressful environment the eggs would be under.
Vidyadhara eggs thrived in cold water and preferred to be isolated to avoid transferring of heat. The environment felt too humid unlike Scalegorge Waterscape and they were placed too close together.
His eyes immediately landed on Bailu when he saw a little ball of purple rushing about and ordering soldiers. She seemed to be providing aid as medical supplies were brought into tents.
Dan Heng had to wonder if he was in a warzone and how he even ended up in that situation. But staying in the room was not going to help him find an answer and he got himself ready to head out.
His wardrobe no longer consisted of his usual turtlenecks and simple styles on the Express but rather long robes and regal clothing that held a weight of power with them. Dan Heng slid them on, noticing the thick but flexible material that protected his main body.
His pants and boots appeared durable while his sleeves remained long to give him a more regal effect to symbolize his status. He was dressed for combat while being an authority figure.
The High Elder. Imbibitor Lunae.
The thought caused a shiver to run up Dan Heng’s spine as he stared at himself in the mirror. Who was he staring at in the mirror?
-.-
‘High Elder! Here are the reports for the meeting, we’ve been moving some of the eggs to make sure they don’t overheat but everyone’s worried that if we move it too much, it would disrupt their development,’ A person Dan Heng didn’t know bombarded him the second he stepped out of the building; as if he had been waiting anxiously.
What to say? What to say?
His eyes scanned around, pairs of eyes flickered to him but he was unused to the fact that they lacked the usual hatred or indifference. There was something in their eyes that made his shoulders feel heavy.
Desperation.
Dan Heng felt the need to give all of them some sort of answer but all he could do was look at the reports and tried to think of what to say one sentence at a time. He bided time by reading as his ‘assistant’ stared at him with pressure.
The report seemed to show the tally of dead, injured and missing along with what was left in the infirmary. He did not need to look too deeply to know that they were on a tight budget and rations were needed.
As he scanned through detailed accounts of incidents, enemy movement and the effect of ‘his’ own orders, Dan Heng could not help but feel uncanny that the choices he made seemed to make sense and everything that occurred seemed to fall within expectation.
It was as if he knew what that ‘version’ of him was thinking of and what his goal in mind was. Still, he didn’t want to risk being wrong and he was still trying to figure out if he was in a dream or not.
With a breath, Dan Heng spoke, ‘I’ll go to the meeting with Jing Yuan and discuss the issue with him, please make sure to only move the eggs that have developed for at least one month and keep the fragile eggs away. Have Bailu treat the infected ones.’
‘You already told us that…’
Dan Heng knew, it was written right in the report but he didn’t want to risk giving an order that would have his ‘other’ self hound him if he existed, ‘I am aware but without knowing the conditions of the other delves, I cannot make a calculated decision that would benefit us best in the moment, I will get back to you after the meeting.’
‘Oh, yes, High Elder, I understand.’
The Vidyadhara conceded easily and didn’t seem to show any malice at his indecisiveness. In fact, he appeared grateful which made Dan Heng feel uncomfortable but he feigned nonchalance and nodded his head as he fled the conversation.
While he could feel people looking at him, none of them greeted him or showed him any form of high respect. They were just watching him as if waiting for him to do something that would make their pain go away.
Dan Heng wondered if that was what Dan Feng felt.
-.-
The location of the meeting was in a wide building that seemed to have been a restaurant previously, which would not have surprised Dan Heng since it was located in Aurum Alley.
The place was desolate of lively visitors and instead had ration stalls and long lines of quiet people waiting for food.
Everyone looked at him as he walked by, Vidyadhara, Foxians and long-life species alike. Dan Heng wanted to know what must have occurred for that to have happened.
When he entered the building, he noticed that the interior was darker and that the windows had been boarded up along with some reinforcements to protect it from getting attacked.
Dan Heng entered the room Jing Yuan had told him to and nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw very familiar faces. For a second, Dan Heng wondered if he had woken up from his dream but he quickly realized Stelle was missing.
He hated that ongoing trend.
‘It’s good to see you again, Dan Heng,’ Himeko greeted him with a smile, there was a hint of melancholy in her tone as if she pitied him. Dan Heng almost caved in and sobbed.
It wasn’t his mind having that urge, it was the body. It wanted to collapse on its knees and keel over but he resisted, taking in a deep breath to calm himself.
He walked to the only empty pillow seat which was between Jing Yuan and Welt and sat down gracefully. He glanced at the crew and saw the worried expressions on their faces. Even March gave him the same treatment and that felt incredibly wrong to his mentality.
‘We thought we would stop by to provide some aid,’ Welt spoke. ‘I know it’s a bit early but Jing Yuan reached out to us and we hope we can be of help.’
‘Where’s Stelle?’
The words slipped out of him before he could stop himself. He was not aware of the severity of how bothered he was that Stelle was not there with them.
‘Who’s Stelle?’ Dan Heng did not know who had asked that question as the answer itself nearly made his whole body shudder and it took every fiber in him not to react strongly.
‘Oh! You mean the girl that saved me?’ March’s voice was the first one he recognized. As the two made eye contact, she realized that that was who he meant. Her expression looked puzzled, ‘Didn’t she stay at Herta’s Station? Why would she be here?’
A shaky breath left Dan Heng that he couldn’t control and he leaned forward to support himself with his arms.
‘She… Left?’
March tilted her head confused and even Himeko and Welt looked at him confused, ‘What are you talking about, Dan Heng? She never boarded the Astral Express.’
Frankly, Dan Heng did not know what happened next.
-.-
‘Dan Heng? Dan Heng, can you hear me?’ His body registered multiple hands on him as if trying to soothe him.
As he looked up, the blurry image of brown and grey wobbled in front of him before it cleared and he realized it was Welt. The garbled noises faded as another clear sentence pierced into him, ‘Dan Heng? It’s okay, you’re okay.’
Dan Heng hadn’t realized he was panting and he blinked repeatedly as the faces around him began to clear. He felt a wave of guilt as he saw their worried faces, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t apologize, the stress must have gotten to you,’ Jing Yuan spoke, ‘I warned you that you were spreading yourself too thin, you should have rested.’
‘Why…Why am I here?’ Why am I not back home? Why did I wake up here? This is a dream, this is all a dream!
‘You came here to share reports, remember?’
No. Not really, why did I even have to do that?
Jing Yuan said something to the crew and they all nodded. When he saw them leave, his heart spiked and a strangled protest left him as he tried to run after them but Jing Yuan’s firm hand held his shoulder, ‘Dan Heng!’
His hands were shaking. It had to be a dream, it was not like him to lose his composure, his dream must have opened his chest more to be more expressive.
This body… This body is holding too much.
Soon, he would wake up and Stelle would… Stelle would…
Why hadn’t she woken me up yet? Why…
‘Who are you?’
‘Dan Heng.’
‘Where are you from?’
‘The Xianzhou Luofu.’
‘What do you do?’
‘I’m the guard of the Astral Express and the Archivist.’
‘No you’re not.’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘You left that job.’
Dan Heng shook his head stubbornly, ‘I never left, I never left my family!’
There was a pause before Jing Yuan spoke again, ‘Two Years ago, Phantylia ignited the stellaron in the arbor, it destroyed Scalegorge Waterscape and the Alchemy Commission. In a desperate attempt to save the Vidyadhara race, you used your powers to transfer part of the sea to the Exalting Sanctum and promised to keep watch over them as the new High Elder. Do you remember that?’
‘I never did that.’
‘Yes, you did. You are Dan Heng, the High Elder of the Luofu.’
‘I am Dan Heng. A Nameless of the Astral Express. It is my job to protect my family and provide knowledge.’
There was no voice to defy him and Dan Heng found himself sighing to calm down.
He was a Nameless. He was a Nameless. He was a Nameless. He was a Nameless…
‘Who’s Stelle?’
‘My lover.’
‘You don’t have a lover.’
‘I do.’
‘Then tell me about her.’
‘She’s part of the Astral Express. She’s pretty. She’s strong. She’s annoying. She understands me. She loves me.’
Silence.
‘… Who are you?’
‘I am Dan Heng, a Nameless.’
‘And what have you been doing for the past two years?’
‘I stopped the Anti-Matter legion attack, Stelle boarded the Express. I helped Belobog with March and Stelle. I liked Stelle. We came to the Luofu, we stopped Phantytlia from destroying everything, I fell in love with Stelle… We went to Penacony. I befriended Boothill and we stopped Sunday. We came for the Wardance, Hoolay attacked but we helped stop it. Stelle became mine. And we went to Penacony and stopped Doctor Primitive. Sunday joined the Express and we’re about to decide our next location.’
After Dan Heng aired out everything he had done, his body felt calmer. That was him, that was his choices and what he did. He remembered them clearly.
‘…Wait here, I have to check something.’
Dan Heng didn’t mind, maybe some peace and quiet would send him back to where he belonged. Home.
-.-
‘Dan Heng… We need to talk.’
Dan Heng didn’t realize had been lost in thought with his head in his knees. When he looked up, the crew and Jing Yuan were looking at him with caution. He knew they were not dumb.
‘I am not your Dan Heng.’
‘It would seem so,’ Welt spoke as the rest approached him. They sat opposite him as if trying not to startle a scared animal and that seemed to snap Dan Heng out of his distressed state.
The last thing he wanted was to be treated as incompetent. Dan Heng’s back straightened and he steadied his mind as he took a breath like he always did, ‘I don’t know how it happened, I was asleep on the Express when I suddenly woke up here this morning.’
‘What did you do before that?’ Himeko asked.
Dan Heng tried to recall his day, ‘We were docked at Herta’s Station for supplies and I was helping the researchers with moving their things, then I went back to the Astral Express and updated the archives before going to sleep…’
An idea suddenly struck his mind as he massaged his temple, ‘Maybe I touched something at the station. It would explain why I haven’t woken up from this dream.’
No, it wasn’t a dream, Dan Heng had to accept that. Part of him already knew yet he wished he would wake up.
His body suddenly froze, what if it was irreversible? Would that mean he would be stuck there forever?
The fear began to manifest up his throat. He slapped a hand over his mouth and tried his best to play off those feelings while trying not to vomit.
No. He had to return. He will return… to his family.
To her.
He would make the impossible happen, he had to. Or he feared that even someone as usually calm as him, would break beyond repair.
‘Could you take me to Herta’s Station?’
‘Of course!’ March replied immediately while Welt and Himeko looked to Jing Yuan for an answer.
‘I fear that even if I say no, you would take him away with you anyway. There is no need to ask for my permission, I will hold down the fort here until you return,’ Jing Yuan assured.
‘We will leave immediately and come back as soon as we can,’ Himeko answered as she stood, ready to leave. The rest of the crew followed and so did Dan Heng. They nodded to Jing Yuan as they left while Dan Heng lingered.
‘Something to say, old friend?’ The older smiled.
‘Is Dan Heng happy?’
Jing Yuan’s lips twitched, as if Dan Heng had just stabbed him, ‘He’s trying.’
‘… Are you happy?’
‘Only a part of it, but it is not something I have the right to be happy about.’
‘Is Dan Heng his own person here?’
‘Always. I’ll make sure of it,’ there was no hesitation in Jing Yuan’s voice and Dan Heng couldn’t help but be appreciative.
He could not fault Jing Yuan for trying to see Dan Feng in him, he knew it was not intentional and despite what he wanted, the general chose to treat him as his own person.
‘I know how much you hate it.’
Ah…
‘I am my own person, but I don’t hate Dan Feng.’
There was a flicker of shock in Jing Yuan’s eyes as if he had just heard the impossible.
Dan Heng’s gaze softened, ‘From how you all treated me, it would seem this body has a Dan Heng of its own, and I hope he’ll see that Dan Feng was more than just the criminal that people viewed him to be. And… That he was someone you cared for. It’s okay… For you to continue missing him .’
‘… Ha…’ A soft chuckle left the man, ‘You really are someone else… It was nice meeting you, Dan Heng,’
Jing Yuan reached his hand out and Dan Heng was about to do the same when he froze, his eyes widened in horror, ‘Your… Arm…’
He hadn’t noticed since the General had been wearing a cloak but when he saw Jing Yuan reach out his left arm instead of his right, his gaze immediately landed on the man’s right side to see a severed arm peeking underneath.
Jing Yuan laughed again, ‘I should have known something was off the second you stopped glancing at my arm whenever you see me. I lost it during the battle when you were transferring the sea to the Exalting Sanctum. If it hadn’t been for you though, I wouldn’t have made it out at all. You overexerted yourself because of that and passed out for days but it overturned the public eye towards you.’
‘… What an extraordinary feat,’ Dan Heng was almost jealous but it did not linger long. He did not envy the circumstance that pushed him to that limit. ‘Goodbye, Jing Yuan.’
‘Yes, goodbye, Dan Heng, and say hello to this ‘Stelle’ you speak of for me. She seems lovely.’
‘I’ll consider but no promises. I’m a rather possessive man, you see,’ Dan Heng joked before taking his leave.
-.-
Jing Yuan watched as the weird Dan Heng left the building. His stature was not stiff nor was it devoid of poise. His shoulders seemed to lack burden and his legs looked as if they weren’t being dragged by chains.
Jing Yuan could tell that he was looking at a man who was content and walked with confidence.
A sigh left his lips, almost in disbelief and sad amusement, ‘He made a joke…’
-.-
‘Hehehehe!’
Giggles echoed through the lab, Stelle wondered what the reason was. She was not immune to the gossip that happened around the station despite her nonchalant attitude.
Her fingers moved through the keyboard as she scheduled the list of meetings that had been given to her. Her hands moved methodically, finding tiny joys as the clicking sounds satisfied her.
Click click click!
‘What are you giggling about?’
Click tap tap tap tap tap click!
‘Didn’t you check the gossip chat? The Astral Express is here!’
Stelle’s ear twitched and she sucked in a breath before reaching for her phone and muting that chat. Her hands then moved to sort the already sorted papers again. She counted to make sure they were all in-order and placed it back to where it was.
The ache disappeared.
‘Why does it matter?’ The other researcher asked.
Yes, why did it matter? She had rejected them all those years ago.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap-
‘That’s because I heard Mr Dan Heng is with them!’
Dan Heng… Dan Heng… Who’s- oh!
An involuntary blush reached Stelle’s cheeks as she suddenly recalled her first time meeting him. She remembered how his breath had tickled her lips when he attempted to do CPR on her but she woke up just before he could.
Her fingers subconsciously touched her lips. Stelle was unfortunately no better than the rest of the researchers when it came to fawning over Dan Heng but after he left the Express, her thoughts of him faded to give way to her never ending workload.
Stelle recalled the time she started finding him attractive. How could she not when he protected her during their fight with the Anti-Matter Legion?
Dan Heng had jumped in front of her with a protective arm to pull her back as he stopped a projectile hurled at them. It had been incredibly attractive to say the least.
Stelle sighed, returning back to her keyboard to continue with her tasks. But why did it matter?
Click tap tap tap tap tap click!
There was no use thinking about it. They led different lives, there was no reason for her to think of the what-ifs and she forced any of such thoughts away. It would have made her hate her job even more and that was the last thing she needed.
Click tap tap tap tap tap click!
Her job was okay.
It’s mundane but it’s safe, she reminded herself.
All she needed to do was click click click and tap tap tap.
No endless cleaning, no danger, no injuries that would never heal nor any death she had to witness. She had read the news early on and learned what the Astral Express had gone through.
She learned about the deaths of the people in the Xianzhou and the hysteria people suffered from in Penacony due to the hands of one of the family heads. Apparently, they had to end him before things got out of hand.
The adventures had not sounded fun nor grand. Stelle had heard the soft mumbling of her colleagues when the news had spread among them.
‘Did you hear what happened at the Xianzhou Luofu?’
‘How could I not, it’s all over the IPC news. Poor Dan Heng, I hope he’s okay. I heard his species had the most casualties.’
‘Didn’t you hear though? I heard he was a criminal there.’
‘How could they lock up such a handsome face? Maybe they deserve- Ow!’ The researcher jumped from her seat as Stelle stood over her with an empty coffee cup in her hand. ‘That’s hot! That’s piping hot! You could have burned me!’
‘Don’t worry, I know the perfect hot to cool ratio for efficient drinking. You will not burn.’
Stelle had received warning for that incident but it didn’t bother her as she was too busy laying in bed, contemplating if she had made the right choice.
She might not have made a difference joining the Astral Express but maybe she could have been more helpful. Maybe one more life could have lived, even if it was at the expense of her own. She helped fight the Doomsday Beast after all and saved March 7th.
But Stelle suddenly berated herself for her arrogance. What if she made it worse? What if she became dead weight to the Express and caused a Nameless give up their life for her?
Was her life even of equal value to the Astral Express? Surely not, but they were too kind for their own good and would give up their lives for anyone including hers. But what if she was the odd one out amongst them and they secretly wished for her to leave?
They would be giving up their lives for someone they didn’t want.
Stelle didn’t know what to feel guilty about. She felt guilty of her own in-action to not join the Express and guilty for her arrogance in thinking that she could make a difference if she had joined them.
The thoughts continued to plague her mind long after multiple nights had ended and Stelle realized that thinking about the Astral Express was disrupting her life and making it hard for her to function.
So ever since then, she had made a conscious effort to bury her thoughts and avoid anything related to the Astral Express. That included not meeting them at all even if she saw March 7th waving at her from a distance until she stopped eventually.
Her life was dull after that but quiet. And quiet probably meant better.
No one was going to disrupt her quiet.