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The traincar roared with an endless scream, an ethereal sound that rang through the empty compartment and rattled through her ear drums. Hitting her deep in the gut with each ever growing screech.
Of course, the wailing of the train cars didn't phase her now. If anything, it was a comfort. Drowning out the thoughts and muffling shaky inhales. It had been almost fifteen minutes and she was still hyperventilating. A dull, angry part of her turned on herself. Irritated she was still such a pathetic mess. With how much time she spent with her nose buried in psychology books, she expected to be much more composed about something like this.
(A small, tired part of her reasoned that it could have been much worse.)
She'd been curled up on the couch. Her laptop perched on her knees. The heat of it never bothered her, if anything it encouraged her to write faster.
She had been home alone. Comfortably alone and safe.
The first and only warning she got to the return of the eldest Lalonde was a slurred butchering of the nickname her mother insisted on using. "Roooosiee~." There wasn't any time to react, one minute the living room was empty, the next her mother had plopped onto the couch beside her. Her arm draped securely over Rose's shoulders, tugging her close so she could press black painted, alcohol scented lips to her hair.
The touch felt like pins and needles in her flesh, sent her skin crawling and discomfort down her spine.
She barely even enjoyed being touched by people she liked.
"Can you not?" She'd asked. She did her best to keep the contempt out of her voice as she tried to escape those arms, wrapped tight around her bdoy and pinning her to the elder's bosom. "I was in the middle of something."
"And now you're not." Her Mother had responded simply, giving her another squeeze before she-- That bitch-- pushed her laptop off her lap. Rose had flinched and grinded her teeth when the poor machine clattered to the ground. It wasn't like they lacked the funds. to get her a new one, but the fact her mother had, once again, disrespected something of hers.. "You're spending time with Mommy now." She'd cooed, pressing those disgusting lips against the side of her head. Uncomfortably close to her ear.
"Get off of me." In all honesty, her elbow hadn't hit her that hard. It had barely bumped into her ribs, just enough to make a small ache and get her to remove her hands. Those long, creeping fingers removed from her body as she twisted and pushed off of her mother.
Unfortunately, this meant she was facing her. Fully able to see the and anger curling across her drunken features. She pinched the bridge of her nose, heaving a frustrated sigh. "How did I raise such a fuckin' ungrateful shit?"
"It's genetic." She retorted right back to her.
Which, in hindsight, was a mistake. She had long since become accustomed to dealing with her mother's volitle behavior, she should have known better then to aggravate her. But she did.
The contempt on her own face mirrored her mother's until the back of her hand slapped across her face hard enough to make her tip to the side.
(A small part of her mused over the fact this was the hardest her mother had ever hit her.)
They had sat in a long, painful silence as tears welled up into her eyes and the taste of blood filled her mouth. Her poor cheek had been cut on her teeth, making a steady crimson fill her mouth.
"Oh, oh, Rosie, baby.." Her voice was low, that maternal tone back in her voice as she reached to tilt her head by the chin. Get a good look at the damage she'd done. "Look what you made me do, sweetpea.."
Something in her snapped.
Just plain refused to deal with anymore.
She moved on autopilot.
The hand was smacked away with the back of her own palm, and she'd made it to the door before her mother had properly processed she was running.
She sprinted down the road. Leaving the hollered pleas and apologies hanging in the air behind her. Her mother knew well enough she lacked the coherency to chase her daughter, sober and young, down the street..
..And now she was here, with her legs tucked close to her and her body propped up against the shaky window. With her phone blowing up beside her with ignored calls that went to voicemail and texts she eyed in disgust.
--: Rossie?
--: Bbya plss ckme home
--: Mommy didjt mean to hhurt yuo
She didn't want to listen to the voicemails, but by the eighth one she gave in.
Call from Roxanne Lalonde at 7:47 PM.
"Rosie? RosieRosieRosie, Baby, Mama's so sorry for getting mad, you know she loves you sooo much. Come home so we can talk about thisss."
Call from Roxanne Lalonde at 7:54 PM.
"Rosie, baby, come on. Don't be like this. We both did things we shouldn't have done. Answer your phone."
The next three were, essentially, the same message.
Answer the phone, Rose.
Call from Roxanne Lalonde at 8:38 PM.
"Rose, I mean it. You're starting to make mommy mad again. I know you read my text messages.. Sweetheart." The anger was.. Unsettlingly obvious. The endearment was clearly forced through her seething teeth. "Answer me."
Call from Roxanne Lalonde at 8:59 PM.
"Rosaline Lalonde answer your fucking phone." Rose's eyes screwed shut. She nearly cut the message off right there. It was amazing how the angrier she got, the less she slurred. "If you don't pick up the fucking phone, I'm going to beat your ass into next week, so help me God. You already lost ya fucking computer, that shit is gone. You've got five minutes to answer me or you going to be in deep fucking shit."
Call from Roxanne Lalonde at 9:04 PM.
"You ungrateful little bitch.." Oh, no. She was sobbing again. "Just you wait 'til you get home. You're in so much fucking trouble."
If she was trying to convince her to come back.. She was doing a piss-poor job.
Rose pressed her shaky fingers into the power button, turning the phone off. Anymore messages would be left for later..
She sat there in silence for the last fifteen minutes of the ride. Trying desperately and failing to soothe her panic and breathe.. But no dice. Walking, her destination was another fifteen minute walk in cold, dark, city air. Normally, she wouldn't be so eager to walk through the night. Tonight, however, the chill and the shadows were like the comfort of friends. Something she could always rely on was the darkness. There to protect her from whatever horror came with the light turning on.
The tears had stopped rolling down her cheeks by the time she reached the dark doorstep. The light in the front room was on, though, which eased some the numb guilt in her gut telling her to leave her alone.
The doorbell rang and a shadow moved from the front room to the doorway.
The door opened a crack, first. Then all the way. The sight of the familiar, loving face made her chest tighten up and her throat burn all over again. Fresh tears welled in her eyes as she watched the shift of expressions.
Confusion. Concern. Panic. Anger.
A protective sort of rage clouded into those deep green eyes and Rose's stomach lurched again.
The arms of the taller girl, the girl she adored so damn much wrapped around her and she shattered like glass. Her head burrowed into her as she broke down with hysterical sobs against the soft fabric of her shirt, the same thing her fists had closed around and gripped like her life depended on it.
"K-Kanaya-"
"Shh.. Sh, Rose.. It's okay.."
There was nothing in her arms but safety. A secure feeling of being loved and protected by someone who truly cared about her. There was nowhere she'd rather be then in Kanaya Maryam's arms.
Eventually, without a word spoken between them, Kanaya unhinged from the hug just enough to safely guide the both of them off the doorstep. The door was pushed closed with the heel of her shoe as she lead Rose into the kitchen and sat her down at the kitchen table.
Despite her reluctance, she let go.
Rose's hands curled in her lap, her teeth ground together. The tips of her ears burned with shame as another hoarse sob slipped from her throat despite her attempts to bite it back.
"Breathe, Rose.." Kanaya had taken the initative to go into her freezer and unearth an icepack. Wrapped in paper towels, she knealt before Rose and pressed the cool bag to her cheek. "It's okay, darling. You're safe here. Can you hold this? I'll get you some water."
Rose nodded, finding her voice failing her. Her shaky hand took Kanaya's place. Before leaving her to get water, she left a kiss on her forehead.
One glass filled with water later, and Kanaya was seated across from her. Resting a hand over her free one and listening to every crying, shaking detail that Rose gave her. She let Rose confide without judgement, though her gaze was dark and steeled with anger. By the time she finished talking, Kanaya was gripping her hand tight.
"You'll stay here, my mother won't mind if you do. And I know she would rather you be here then back with that.. Woman."
She almost protested. Told her that she couldn't stay. She'd be fine, she swears..
But all she could manage was a short nod and more tears rolling down her cheeks.
At least for tonight, she'd stay with them. Finally safe in a home that wasn't her own.
She would worry about the backlash of her actions tomorrow. But, for tonight, she'd curled up on a soft couch, curl into a loving girl, and disect horribly rated movies like nothing was wrong.