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James was hiding under his bed. What was that noise? Why did mom leave him in his room alone? Where was dad? He was scared, but mom seemed fine when she told James to stay under the bed, so everything must be fine. But if that was the case, then what was all that yelling? What was that loud bang?
There was dad. Is he coming in to say goodnight? Can James come out from under the bed now? Wait, no. Mom told him not to, no matter what. Maybe they’re playing hide-and-seek.
Another loud bang. James shrunk farther back under the bed- that one sounded like it was right over him. Then he saw Dad crumple forward in front of him.
Why was Dad bleeding?
…Why isn’t he getting up?
————
Sawyer shot awake, remnants of the nightmare still clinging to the edge of his mind. What was that noise? Was someone going through his stuff?
He fumbled for a few seconds, feeling around for the flashlight that he always kept right by him. Jack had so kindly given him one of the last batteries the survivors had to replenish the flashlight after it died one night on a midnight walk.
After grabbing the flashlight and turning it on, Sawyer shone it around the caves before spotting a boar eating his goddamn sunscreen.
“I- hey! Get outta that, you filthy animal-“ Sawyer sprung to his feet, chasing after the boar. It squealed and took off running, Sawyer in close pursuit. He was half-asleep and hit his knee on its fair share of rocks, and all for naught. The boar ran off into the jungle, and Sawyer’s flashlight chose that moment to die. Goddamnit! That damn boar went through all his stuff, and now he had no sunscreen, no anything that he could call his own.
“Goddamnit!” Sawyer threw the flashlight to the ground, busting open. The batteries rolled to his feet, and he kicked them off over to the tree line. “If I ever get my hands on that damn boar-“
“Sawyer, what the hell’s going on? You’re waking everyone up-“ Sawyer’s eyes took a few moments to adjust, but then he saw that Jack was sitting up, staring right at him. Most of the other survivors were awake, too, or getting to it. Sawyer just stood there, fuming.
“One of those damn boars went through all my stuff and trashed all of it!” Sawyer yelled, not caring how loud he was being. “And I don’t give a damn if I woke everyone up, Jack! I’m the one with the problems here.” He knew he was being a little harsh, but Sawyer was too worked up in the moment to care.
Everything was silent for a few moments, save for the jungle noises and Sawyer’s heavy breathing. He was vaguely aware of Jack’s silhouette laying back down, facing away from Sawyer.
”What, you don’t care or something?” Sawyer asked, voice slightly quieter than before.
“Go back to sleep, Sawyer. And put a shirt on,” Jack muttered, causing Sawyer to falter slightly. He had completely forgotten he’d gone back to sleeping shirtless, after finally coming to terms with the fact that his ass wasn’t gonna get rescued. How the hell had Jack seen he was shirtless in the dark? Sawyer could barely see his hand in front of his face.
——
The next morning, Sawyer decided to go through his trashed stuff to see if anything survived. His canned beans? Busted. Sunscreen? Eaten. And worst of all, that fucking boar tore up all of his shirts, except one. Great. Just great. Sawyer groaned in frustration and rested his head against the rock wall, eyes shut tight. Was he being punished or something? He hadn’t done anything bad in, like…a month. He had finally settled in to what could be considered a “routine” on this goddamn island, and now he’s no better off than the day of the crash.
Well, okay. He’s a little better off than the day of the crash because he isn’t currently being crushed by plane debris. He guessed that’s a plus.
“It is a shame, what happened to your belongings,” A voice spoke. Sawyer immediately recognized it as Sayid; who else on this damn Island spoke like that? All…formal. He opened one eye, glancing up at him.
“What’s it to you,” Sawyer muttered. Sayid shrugged his shoulders, crossing his arms.
“Nothing. I was just making a remark.”
Sawyer opened his other eye and glared up at Sayid. “Don’t you have papers to translate with that blonde chick or something?”
“We finished translating the documents a few days ago. I assumed Jack had been keeping you updated with all of that?” Sayid asked. Sawyer huffed and rolled his eyes. ”He tells me when I ask. Not like I give a crap ‘bout some damn French woman’s ramblings, though. And why’d you just ‘assume’ Jack would tell me?”
“Well, why not?” Sayid asked. “You two are very close, and Jack seems to trust you.”
“Not to repeat myself,” Sawyer began, “but what’s it to you?”
Sayid didn’t answer, but Sawyer saw a small smirk on his face before he walked away and out of the caves.
——
“Hey Sawyer.”
Sawyer turned around, knocking his deck of cards on the makeshift table to get the cards straight. He looked to the side, head tilted to see Jack walking up.
“Well hey there, doc. Take a seat?” He asked, motioning to a spot next to him. Jack took a seat, resting his arms on the table. Sawyer turned back to the cards, continuing to shuffle them. ”Need something?”
“Yeah, uh, I was just wondering- you still got the gun from when we went after Ethan, right?” Jack asked. Sawyer’s hands slowed and he looked back at Jack, lips downturned.
“Ethan’s dead, Jack. There ain’t someone else you lookin’ to kill, right?” Sawyer asked, only half-joking. Jack let out a small huff of amusement and shook his head.
“No, no. I was just making sure you still had it.”
“…You don’t want it back or somethin’, right? I’m still mildly concerned ‘bout your thirst for blood, and I don’t think it’s such a grand idea to give you a shooter.” Now, that was half-true. Sawyer mainly just wanted to keep the gun for himself. Gives him a sense of control, knowing he had it and could use it when he needed to instead of going to Jack or Sayid or Locke for a gun.
“No, no. You can hold onto it. Just wanted to make sure you still had it, after the whole, uh…boar thing.”
Just the mention of that damn boar put Sawyer right back in a sour mood, which is a mood he didn’t like to be in around Jack. “Don’t even mention the damn thing.”
Jack laughed softly, which just annoyed Sawyer more. “It’s not funny, doc! It ate all my food, ruined my sunscreen, tore up my clothes-“
“You can get more food from around the caves. We’re in a jungle, you don’t need that much sunscreen,” Jack said, a grin slowly growing on his face. Sawyer scowled at him.
“Yeah, sure. But what about my clothes, huh?” Sawyer asked, not entirely expecting Jack to have an answer for that.
“Just borrow mine,” Jack said, way too casually than should be possible. “I have some time before I have to do a water run with Kate. We could play some cards if you want-“
“Now just hold on a damn minute,” Sawyer said, turning his body to completely face Jack. “Back it up. What’d you just say?”
“..I have some time before I have to do a water run?” Jack replied. Sawyer scoffed. ”You know what I mean, Jack. Before that.”
“Just borrow my clothes. It’s not a big deal, Sawyer. We’re the same size, and, besides. There’s a good chance we were wearing eachother’s clothes already. Everyone’s luggage got mixed up during the crash.”
Just the thought that Sawyer might’ve been wearing Jack’s clothes without knowing sent a small jolt through his body. And why was Jack being so casual about this? You don’t just tell a guy you’ve kissed once that he can wear your clothes.
After a few moments of silence, Jack spoke. “I’m taking your silence as a no.” Did he sound…disappointed? No, Sawyer’s mind must be playing tricks on him. That’s absurd.
“I- well, hold on a sec there. I never said no. If you’re offering…” Sawyer said, trailing off at the end. Jack gave him a small smile.
“Great. How many shirts do you need?” Jack asked. Sawyer thought for a moment- this wasn’t a matter of how many he needed, but how many he wanted.
“Four should do,” Sawyer finally said. Jack nodded his head. “I’ll grab them for you later.”
Sawyer looked back down at his cards, trying to suppress a smirk. Maybe this whole thing wasn’t so bad after all.
——
“Think it went this way…” Sawyer muttered under his breath. It was a few hours later, and he was trying to track the boar. It wouldn’t accomplish anything, Sawyer knew that, but he wanted his revenge. So he had set out with a loaded gun, a bottle of water, and determination in his heart.
What he didn’t have?
Tracking skills. Or a plan beyond “find the damn thing and shoot it dead”.
He was walking along the jungle path for about an hour before he realized he had seen that rock before. Actually, multiple times. Or was that just a similar-looking rock? After a quick assessment of his surroundings, Sawyer concluded that he’d been walking in circles for at least twenty minutes.
“Took you a while to figure that one out.”
Sawyer spun around, pointing the gun at who he realized just a bit too late was Jack. Sawyer huffed in frustration and lowered the gun. “Were you following me?”
“Well, yeah. Mostly to make sure you didn’t get lost. Which, in a sense, you didn’t,” Jack said, taking a step closer to Sawyer, who was scowling quite deeply.
“You got that right. I ain’t lost, I know exactly where I am.”
“And where are we?”
“…On the Island.”
Jack snorted, and Sawyer’s scowl deepened. “What do you want? I thought you were out playing delivery boy.” He began walking, already knowing that Jack was going to follow him.
“Kate can handle herself,” Jack replied, falling into pace next to Sawyer. “So, what’re we hunting?”
“Tryna find that damn boar,” Sawyer growled, glancing around. Jack sighed loudly.
“Sawyer, killing the boar isn’t going to change the fact your stuff got trashed,” Jack said. Sawyer didn’t even bother to look at him when he responded.
“I know that, Jack. You of all people should know the need for revenge.”
“Fair enough.” Jack went quiet for a few moments. Sawyer assumed he was thinking about Charlie. Sawyer was about to tell Jack yet again that Charlie dying wasn’t his fault when he heard a rustling coming from the bushes, followed by a loud snort. Sawyer quickly raised his gun, aiming it at the boar eating leaves off of a bush.
“Got you now, bastard,” Sawyer muttered. Now, Sawyer’s a good shot. He is. which is why it was such a shock when what Sawyer thought was a dead hit just…didn’t hit. The boar squealed and ran off, kicking up dirt and mud in its wake, a little bit splattering onto Jack and Sawyer.
“Wha- that was a perfect shot!” Sawyer yelled indignantly. “How the hell is that thing not dead?”
“Sawyer, let’s just go back. This whole thing is pointless,” Jack said, a few steps behind, arms crossed. Sawyer mimicked his pose, taking a step closer.
“You’re the one who followed me, doc. You’re free to go. But I’m not stopping ‘til I put a bullet through that boar’s heart.”
“…Let’s keep going, then.”
——
A little while later, Jack managed to convince Sawyer to stop for lunch. Or dinner. The timing wasn’t quite clear, and the tree canopy blocked their view of where the sun was in the sky. Luckily, Jack, being the smartypants doctor he is, grabbed plenty of food. Sawyer never actually admitted he didn’t bring any, he just took some of Jack’s and began eating before he could protest.
They sat on opposite sides of a medium-sized rock on the ground, eating mostly in silence.
“Why were you sleeping shirtless last night?” Jack asked randomly, breaking the silence. Sawyer paused, giving Jack a weird look.
“Why does it matter?”
“Just curious.”
Sawyer wiped his hands on his pants before resting his elbows on the rock. “Well, I figured our asses aren’t getting rescued anytime soon, might as well be comfortable while I sleep. Didn’t take you to be so big on modesty, doc.”
“I- well, I never said that,” Jack began. “…You’re really confident we aren’t going to get rescued, Sawyer. Don’t you have a little bit of hope?” Jack rolled his sleeves back down, resting his elbows on his knees.
Sawyer shrugged his shoulders, gazing off to the side before looking back at Jack. “We’ve been here a month, Jack. ‘Sides, what do you got back home you’re so desperate to go back to?”
“What do you have back home you’re so desperate to stay away from?” Jack retorted. Sawyer’s face fell, not entirely sure how to answer that.
“Nothing,” Sawyer finally settled on. “Nothing.”
“Then my answer’s nothing, too.”
They just looked at each other for a few moments, tension high until Sawyer broke it by standing up and continuing on.
“C’mon doc! Move it or lose it.”
——
It was getting dark, and there was no sign of the boar. The threat of rain loomed overhead, thunder sounding in the distance. The air felt sticky, Sawyer’s hair clinging to the sides of his face and the back of his neck.
“It’s too dark to turn back,” Jack said, a few steps behind Sawyer. “I brought some tarps. Let’s set up for the night and head back to the caves in the morning.”
“Fine,” Sawyer grumbled, slowing down.
He helped Jack set up the tarps, tying them to some trees to make a makeshift tent. It wasn’t much- there was barely room for two people, but it would work.
“Not too shabby,” Sawyer muttered under his breath, taking a step back to try and admire his and Jack’s work in the dark. “Think we should set a fire?”
“You have no basic survival instinct, do you,” Jack replied, more as a statement than a question. “Rule number one of camping: never leave a fire unattended.”
Right as Jack finished talking, a fat raindrop fell on Sawyer’s nose, causing him to flinch. “Aw crap. Guess we can’t, anyways.”
The rain quickly grew faster and harder, like tiny little pebbles falling on you at fifteen miles per hour. Sawyer quickly scrambled into the makeshift-tent, Jack following close behind.
“You bring a towel or something?” Sawyer asked, practically having to yell over the rain thumping against the tarp. Sawyer was barely in the rain for five seconds and he was drenched. He pushed his sopping wet hair out of his face, water dripping down his neck.
“You’re out of luck there, Sawyer,” Jack said. Sawyer huffed and laid back, placing his hands under his head.
“Great. Now I gotta sleep in wet clothes on some crappy airplane tarp,” Sawyer muttered, annoyed.
“What happened to sleeping shirtless?” Jack asked, lying down on his back next to Sawyer, hands on his stomach. Sawyer turned his head to look at Jack.
“That’s more for when I ain’t sleepin’ next to someone,” Sawyer replied, fiddling with his wet sleeve.
”Didn’t realize I was just ‘someone’,” Jack muttered, catching Sawyer’s attention again.
“What, you wanna see me shirtless or somethin’?” Sawyer asked, half-serious. If Jack wanted to…
”Not like it’s something I haven’t seen before,” Jack said, Sawyer immediately thinking how many times Jack must’ve seen him shirtless while he was still unconscious. He’s probably seen Sawyer’s bare chest more times than any woman he’d ever conned. That was a fun thought.
Sawyer didn’t do anything for a few moments, but then he began to unbutton his shirt without saying anything to Jack. He could feel Jack’s eyes on him, though. “Need to let it dry ‘fore I wear it tomorrow, anyways,” Sawyer mumbled after sitting up to slip his shirt off the rest of the way, tossing it off to the side and laying back down. After a few seconds of still feeling Jack’s intense gaze on him, Sawyer spoke.
”Enjoyin’ the show there, doc? Not sure how you can even see anything, though. Dark as hell.”
“I can see well enough,” Jack muttered in response. “You just have crappy vision.” Well, that was true enough. Sawyer sighed and closed his eyes, getting as comfortable as he could. He was vaguely aware of the sound of Jack shuffling around, probably getting comfortable himself. Luckily, sleep found him quickly.
————
Sawyer woke up the next morning, more tired than he was when he went to sleep. He was cold, and he felt his legs pressing what he could only assume were Jack’s. Sawyer half-opened his eyes, coming to the realization that they had gotten much, much closer during the night, foreheads nearly touching. Sawyer blinked himself the rest of the way awake, going to pull back a little bit when Jack’s eyes began to flutter open.
Sawyer froze- fuck. Jack was awake. Now it would be awkward if he just pulled away, but would it be more awkward if he just stayed there? Sawyer couldn’t decide, and honestly, he was kind of panicking. Which wasn’t something he did all that often.
“Morning,” Jack muttered, voice raspy. He didn’t seem fazed at all by how close he and Sawyer were, or maybe he just wasn’t awake enough yet to realize. Sawyer couldn’t tell.
“Uh, morning,” Sawyer responded, voice hoarse from the situation. “You’re awfully close there, ain’t ya?”
“Do you want me to move?” Jack asked, voice barely above a whisper. Sawyer thought for a moment: it was kind of chilly, and Jack was right there, and they didn’t really have to start heading back for the caves for at least another thirty minutes…
”No,” Sawyer finally said. Just laying so close to Jack was nice; peaceful, almost. He radiated a calm atmosphere that rivaled Sawyer’s angry, disjointed one. No, not rivaled. Bested.
Jack had closed his eyes again, and Sawyer couldn’t tell if he was going back to sleep or if he was just relaxed. Either one was okay, really. Although Sawyer would prefer if Jack stayed awake.
Right as Sawyer thought that, Jack opened his eyes again halfway and gave him a lazy smile, which Sawyer returned. It was crazy how…happy Sawyer felt in this moment. Happy? At peace? Content? He could think of a multitude of words to describe right now, but none of them felt quite right as thoughts of where he is crept back into his head. He was stranded on an island with no hopes of rescue. But then again, he had food, shelter, and practically unlimited amount of time to spend with the person he…well, he’s not quite sure how to describe what he feels for Jack.
“Stop thinking so much,” Jack mumbled. “Just…relax.”
“Easier said than done,” Sawyer replied, eyes falling shut again. He sighed softly, wondering why he couldn’t just enjoy the moment. Was he just incapable of letting himself feel happy? That’s what it seemed like sometimes, especially in moments like these.
Sawyer relaxed marginally as Jack’s hand moved to his cheek, thumb rubbing slow, small lines against it. Sawyer didn’t want to open his eyes, scared of breaking the moment. He wished he could freeze everything right now and just stay here indefinitely, rest of the world forgotten.
Eventually, Sawyer broke the silence. “Why are you here, Jack?”
“…What?”
Sawyer finally opened his eyes, moving one of his hands to gently grasp Jack’s, moving it away from his cheek and to between their faces. “You could’ve gone with Kate to do whatever the hell you two were gonna do. But you left her to do all the heavy liftin’ to come after me. Why?” And there he goes, ruining the moment. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for once?
“Well,” Jack began, moving to interlock his fingers with Sawyer’s, which for once Sawyer didn’t mind, “You do have a bit of a track record of getting lost.”
“That can’t be your only reason, doc.”
“No, but it’s one of them.” Jack paused for a second, seemingly thinking. “You were just so…mad. I didn’t want you out here all alone. I know it sounds weird and overprotective or whatever you wanna call it, but I didn’t want you getting hurt or something.”
That…that was probably one of the most caring things anyone had ever said to Sawyer. At least that he could remember at the moment. Sawyer wasn’t the kind of person people care about. No, that’s reserved for people like Jack. The good people. Not…not Sawyer. Never Sawyer.
“Well, that’s awfully sweet of ya,” Sawyer mumbled, shifting even closer to Jack. Jack carefully pulled his hand out of Sawyer’s grip and moved it to rest on his shoulder, keeping Sawyer in place. Sawyer tried to keep his eyes on Jack’s, but they kept finding their way down to his lips. “It’s almost like you care about me.”
“I do care about you, Sawyer. I’ve cared about you from the moment I first saw you.” Sawyer shut his eyes as Jack rested their foreheads together, his soft breaths hitting Sawyer’s face. “It just took me a while to come around on it.”
“I’m glad you did,” Sawyer responded, waiting a few seconds before gently pressing his lips against Jack’s. That’s what this moment needed- something light, soft. Like their night under the tree. It was hard for Sawyer to do, but it’s what he needed. What Jack needed.
“I’m glad I did, too,” Jack mumbled against Sawyer’s lips. One of Sawyer’s hands found their way to the back of Jack’s head, holding him close.
They stayed like that for a few minutes; lips locked, bodies pressed together. Eventually though, they pulled apart slowly, Sawyer knowing they had to get going. All thoughts of that damn boar were gone, he didn’t need any of that crap it ruined anyways. Except maybe the food, but that thought was for a later time.
Sawyer gave Jack one more soft smile before the moment slowly faded out, Sawyer sitting up and reaching over to grab his shirt. He purposefully made a bit of a show putting it on and buttoning it up, knowing that Jack was watching his every move. The way Jack had been looking at him recently, like he was just…everything, made Sawyer’s heart smile every time he saw it. Fuck it if Sawyer knew what they were, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
——
Sawyer walked side-by-side with Jack back to the caves, mostly in silence. That was okay though, it was peaceful.
The walk back felt much shorter than the walk out, but that was probably because of Sawyer’s better mood now. It had been a wonderful morning, and he hoped he’d get more of those soon.
Sawyer was helping Hurley fill up some water bottles for other survivors living in the caves when he heard Jack approach and clear his throat.
“Sawyer, got a moment?” Sawyer set the bottle he was holding down and turned to Jack, a smirk on his face.
“Sure. Whaddya need?” Sawyer asked, turning his body to face Jack.
“Wanted to give these to you.” Jack walked over and handed Sawyer some of his shirts; the ones he said he’d give to him.
“Well, thanks. Definitely gonna put these to good use,” Sawyer said, a half-smile pointed up in Jack’s direction.
“See you later tonight, Sawyer.” Jack walked away to go back to doing whatever it was he was doing, leaving Sawyer to ponder Jack’s words. He wasn’t quite sure what Jack meant, but whatever it was, Sawyer had something to look forward to now.
“You good, dude? You’re all…smiley,” Hurley asked, pushing his hair out of his face. Sawyer snapped out of it and turned back to filling up the waters.
“What, can’t a guy be happy?” Sawyer retorted.
“O…Kay. You do you, man.” Sawyer turned away from Hurley, letting his thoughts drift back to this morning…and to whatever Jack had planned for that night.