Chapter Text
“Bakugou.” An old, crackly voice spoke out to him.
Bakugou nodded at Recovery Girl as he took a seat on one of her hospital beds.
“What brings you in today, dear? Push yourself too hard during training?” She asked him with a hum.
Bakugou shook his head, his mind flashing back to week before.
The mission had been going well. He was working alongside Izuku and Shouto, the three of them doing a week-long internship at Endeavour’s agency. While the first two days they had only been allowed to observe the side kicks work, by the third day they were finally allowed in on some of the action. Even if it had only been chasing after some D-list bank robber. It had been something.
One step closer to becoming a pro.
On the sixth day they had been brought into one of the few meeting rooms at the agency. The three students were given a short briefing of a mission that was to take place the next day. Nothing crazy, but they still needed to be prepared for all outcomes.
Izuku had been practically vibrating the whole morning of their seventh day at the internships, and Bakugou couldn’t figure out if it was from nerves or excitement. Or just the cold. Endeavour kept his agency fucking freezing. Not that Bakugou didn’t understand why or even that he minded himself, really. Almost all the sidekicks and heroes there had some sort of flame quirk, they probably all ran hot, whether it was for safety or comfort, keeping the agency at a lower temperature than most places was actually a pretty smart move. It also meant Bakugou wasn’t constantly sparking off his palms due to overheating. Maybe he’d talk to Aizawa about lowering the temperatures in the dorms, though he doubted the man would agree. Tsuyu would probably go into hibernation or some weird frog shit, fuck, was that like, quirkist to think?
Bakugou had been ready by eight that morning, though his part of the mission wasn’t until four that afternoon. He had spent most of his day stuck with Todoroki and Izuku, the two boys discussing the mission together, well Izuku was talking at least. Todoroki nodded along, occasionally agreeing or commenting on something Izuku said.
When three o’clock came, the boys were sent out into a black car, driven to some old warehouse. They were back up, in case one of the apparent drug dealers escaped the building. The rundown they were given had included the quirks of the people they were attempting to apprehend. And while Bakugou wasn’t good with names, he would easily be able to recognize one of the villains and match their quirk to them. Though he wasn’t too worried about their quirks, he knew not to be careless and underestimate any of them. He had seen plenty of ‘useless’ quirks get turned into deadly powers, and he wasn’t willing to risk it.
He kept his eyes locked on the warehouse, but his head grew warm at the pine scent surrounding them. Katsuki loved the smell, he loved being surrounded by tall heavy leaf filled trees, making him feel safe and covered. It reminded him of when he was little, when his parents didn’t travel so much and would pull him out of school for week-long camping trips. Maybe he could ask for them to take him once more after this mission.
Katsuki let his eyes shut for a minute; the other two could keep watch for just a moment. He inhaled deeply, letting himself fully embrace the air around him. It smelt like earth, and dirt, and the ground after it rains, sharp yet sweet like something from a far off memory. The scent crawled down his throat and into his lungs, sitting there, heavy and grounding, but yet, it made the world around him feel just a little bit further away. And just for a second, the mission slipped his mind. The warehouse, the muffled noises of his two peers, the burn of adrenaline running underneath his skin, it all faded to the far corners of his head. In that moment, he wasn’t a hero in training, just a boy in the woods, pretending as if he had nowhere else to be.
He opened his eyes, and the forest disappeared.
Not literally, it was still there behind him, but when Katsuki now looked at it, the colour was drained, and the cold wind hitting his cheeks reminded him it was still winter. He turned his attention back to the warehouse, the dull, grey, lifeless building. His pulse seemed to pick back up as he felt the familiar buzz of adrenaline begin to move under his skin, the weight of reality making his shoulders drop just slightly. He almost considered closing his eyes once more, but at the sound of metal hitting metal, he was up and running.
A man with long brown hair and upward slanted eyes was sprinting out of the building, holding what seemed to be a beat-up black briefcase in his hands. Katsuki instantly zeroed in on it, using a single explosion to propel him upside down and over the man, using the moment to reach down below and grab it from the unsuspecting villain. The man shrieked loudly, quickly attempting to jump up to Katsuki and snatch it back. Bakugou kept his distance, sending occasional explosions to keep the man back as he waited to see one of the other heroes. It was no use to apprehend this one if someone wouldn’t be able to take him to the police station. Fortunately, Izuku was right behind him, seeming not to care whether the real mission was over or not as he sent a kick to the brunette's head.
Wobble , Katsuki thought to himself as he stared at the man. It was an odd quirk, making anything solid able to turn to an almost jelly-like state for minutes at a time. He was sure Izuku would be able to come up with some creative use for it, even if Katsuki thought it was pretty fucking lame.
Katsuki rolled his shoulders, handing the briefcase to Izuku, “Hold this,” He hummed, “I’ll cuff him up.”
To be honest, Bakugou had been really fucking excited to use the handcuffs. He has seen it in many movies growing up, but oftentimes it was the police carrying the cuffs around. So when the trio had all been given two sets, Katsuki couldn’t help the excitement that settled inside him.
Once the cuffs were on, Katsuki dragged the man to their small set-up spot on the edge of the forest behind a few tall pine trees, assuming the other heroes would be out within the next few minutes. What he didn’t expect was for another villain to run out, this time a taller man, with buzzed orange hair, a small white bag in his hand as he sprinted to the road.
Kinetwist , his brain supplied. The villain was able to twist any joint any way, meaning hand-to-hand combat would be hard, as the man could practically throw a punch from any angle, it also made him almost impossible to pin down. They still needed people to watch the building, and Izuku’s quirk was hardly any good against someone like this guy, so Bakugou made his decision, “This bastard’s mine!” He yelled, quickly blasting himself after the man.
He had to take a few twists and turns, being led back to the outskirts of the city. If Bakugou let this guy get any further into the city, more lives would be at risk. So he did his best to scare the man off, sending a few blasts ahead of the oddly fast villain to steer him to an alley.
When Bakugou’s feet finally reached the ground, the villain seemed almost out of breath, but dropped the bags and held his hands up in fists, as if readying himself for a fight.
Yeah right, nice fucking try. Katsuki scoffed at the guy, lifting up a hand, feeling heat begin to rise from the centre of his palm.
His other hand reached to the back of his belt, feeling around for his second set of handcuffs. Fuck, why couldn’t he feel them? Did he drop them? Shit, he must’ve. That meant this guy was going to have to get knocked out if Katsuki wanted to take him back to the others and get him tied up.
He took a deep breath as he looked around the tight alleyway. He could send a blast straight at the man, but it would probably leave him with a shit ton of burns, especially since there wasn’t a lot of open area around them for the heat to spread out. He didn’t want to have to deal with any repercussions he might face from Endeavour's agency later, and he definitely didn’t want to end up with some sort of shitty lawsuit for overaggression or abuse of power. So instead, he chose to use his AP shot. Sending a compact long blast passed the man's head, using it to induce heat syncope, causing the man to faint due to sudden intense heat exposure.
Bakugou almost let out a cheer when the man fell, proud of his quick thinking. That was until a small voice from down the alley spoke up, “K-kacchan?” the voice cracked.
Bakugou’s eyes were quickly drawn away from the villain to Izuku’s hunched-over form, arm pressed tight against his stomach.
“The hell?” He muttered, it was at this moment that he realised the pine scent had fully disappeared. Now, the foul stench of both blood and smoke filled his nose, infiltrating his lungs where comfort was once resting, it took over quickly, claiming it as their own, and Katsuki now found it hard to breathe.
“You weren't supposed to fol-” He spoke quickly, finding it hard to manage the words.
He was too focused on the way Izuku’s regularly green hero suit was slowly fading into a dark red, the mix of the two colours showing up as an almost odd black shade, Katsuki wasn’t sure how that worked. Bakugou stared at the few torn parts on his left sleeve, the same odd shade of red covering the torn fabric, while a more cherry red covered the raw-scorched skin.
“I thought, I thought you saw me,” Izuku’s breath hitched as he spoke, “I didn’t, he was right in front, I thought you’d,” Izuku gasped quietly, his thought trailing off as he slumped against the alley wall, arm still tight against his stomach as he sunk to the ground.
How had Bakugou not seen him? Where had he miscalculated? He was always looking out, checking for casualties, and making sure no innocent people were nearby. He was always careful. But he hadn’t seen Izuku. Not this time, he hadn’t checked, he’d just blasted his explosion without a second thought, he’d-
Shit , there was still smoke around him. Bakugou swatted his hands at it. Why was there still smoke? Sure, the alley was small, but it should have left by now. “Fuck.” He spoke aloud when the smoke didn’t leave. Maybe there was a hero with a wind quirk, there had to be, they could probably get rid of the smoke.
“Kacchan,” Izuku’s voice called out to him weakly.
Bakugou wondered if the smoke was annoying Izuku too.
—
Shouto had eventually found them, shoving Bakugou to the side as he froze Midoriya’s wound. Burnin and Endeavour showed up shortly after, helping in cuffing and bringing the villain in, as well as getting Izuku to the nearest hero hospital.
Bakugou didn’t remember much from then on, he did remember getting yelled at by Todoroki, as well as some other sidekick he couldn’t be bothered to learn the name of. He remembered the shocked look on Burnin’s face as she pointed out that at some point, Bakugou had gotten a knife lodged in his side. He could remember the way he was ushered into a grey van, the other heroes, sans Endeavour, hopping in after him. Bakugou felt the way Todoroki’s hand stayed pressed into his side as they drove.
“Bakugou, can you hear me?” Shouto asked, eyes wide, whereas Katsuki felt his own closing shut.
“The smoke.” he mumbled in reply.
“Smoke? What?” Shouto was clearly confused.
“Fuck, ya deaf or something? In the, the..” He trailed off for a moment, his body feeling warm, light, as if he was camping once again, and his parents let him use their floaty, the big one shaped as a heart. He was floating on the lake, the sun beaming down on his pale skin and making him feel like a lizard under a UVA light. He could hear the muffled noise of waves hitting the beachside and voices calling his name. But just like last time he let himself daydream, he knew he had to wake up again.
The light above him was bright, blindingly so, but Bakugou was on a mission; he wasn’t allowed to daydream during a mission. He had bad guys to catch, people to keep safe. His body felt tight as he forced himself to sit up, stretching his arms above his head, a frown quickly falling into place on his face as he felt a tug on his left arm. Using his right hand, he rubbed his eyes, blinking a few times before his vision cleared.
White walls surrounded him, a constant beeping from the machine sitting on his left, and the god awful smell of sanitizer.
He was at a hospital.
The word sounded unfamiliar in his head, and the longer he focused on it, the more his head hurt. In fact everything seemed to fucking hurt. His throat felt raw, like someone was holding a lighter against it every time he tried to breathe in. While his side had a constant ache, stretching from just below his right rib down to the gentle curve of his hip, a dull dragging pain, making sure that it was noticed and wouldn’t be forgotten anytime soon.
The past memories began to play like an old record in his head, he couldn’t seem to remember every detail, fragments missing and moments being skipped.
He remembered the faint smell of pine, handcuffing some guy with a briefcase before running away.
Running away?
Katsuki Bakugou was anything but a coward, there was no way he ran away, that just didn’t make sense. The villain had been handcuffed, so why would Katsuki have run away?
A door to his right creaked open, a tall, slender man with square framed glasses entering. He looked young, Bakugou decided the man couldn’t be older than thirty. His eyes were drawn to the man's hands, long slim fingers holding a clipboard filled with papers.
The man approached Bakugou’s bedside, glancing over his body then back to his clipboard, “I see you’re awake now.” He spoke clearly, almost robotically, he reminded Bakugou of Iida, it annoyed him.
“Yeah.” Bakugou sighed out, wincing as the lighter was held back over his throat once more, the familiar burn increasing.
“A knife entered just below your right rib, nicking your lower liver, you went into shock due to the blood loss and internal bleeding both caused by the laceration.” The doctor, Katsuki now recognized him as, continued to list things off, “On top of that you inhaled a toxic amount of smoke, your airways were burned and your cells weren’t able to get enough oxygen. The stress you underwent during your mission helped induce the seizure you had on your ride here, and you were operated on the second you came through our hospital doors. We went ahead and reinflated your lung, but some swelling and damage will remain. As it stands now, you still have residual fluid and inflammation in your lung, but there’s nothing that can be done for that, well, it’s at least not anything severe enough for us to warrant another surgery.” The doctor finally stopped, flipping through his notes silently.
Bakugou had tuned the man's voice out minutes ago. What did it matter what his injuries were? It’s not like knowing their proper names would help his body heal faster. And when the fuck did he inhale toxic smoke? Thanks to years of training his quirk, smoke didn’t affect him like it would a regular person, he frowned as he turned his head towards the doctor.
“That’s-” He bit his inner cheek as the word burned in his throat, he felt tears prickle in the corners of his eyes from the feeling.
“Here.” The doctor gave him an almost sympathetic look, before his expression went back to neutral, handing Katsuki a whiteboard and marker.
Katsuki moved slowly, writing out his confusion.
‘Smoke doesn’t hurt me’
He huffed to himself as he tried to explain quickly but efficiently.
‘Fire quirk’
He added below.
“Ah, yes, I’m well aware of your quirk, Bakugou.” the man nodded. “I was also given notice of the quirk that belonged to the man you had been fighting.
Wobble , Katsuki’s head reminded him, just like it had during the mission.
“The man is able to produce hydrogen cyanide through small spores on his arms. Not a very dangerous quirk until it’s mixed with heat or fire.” The doctor explained, “It seemed your quirk allowed it to spread quickly, and it mixed with the smoke you had produced, causing you to suffer from acute hydrogen cyanide poisoning, something that is very lethal if not treated immediately, it’s what caused you to seize.”
Bakugou’s breath caught in his throat halfway through an inhale, his fingers twitched against the coarse blanket set on his lap. His chest begins to burn, stomach flipping, this time not from any of his injuries, but shame. Pure, hideous, acid hot shame.
I was wrong?
No. I spent hours memorizing their quirks, matching them to faces.
Shit.
I messed up.
Bakugou doesn’t know what to do, he had only chased after the guy because he had been certain the man's quirk had been different. Shit, he had been so certain, he couldn’t even recall seeing a quirk about hydrogen cyanide. Katsuki knew to be careful around gas quirks, to make himself the last resort in situations like those. Acrolein, phosgene, ammonia, he had them all memorized, knew to be cautious and on the lookout for anything that could make him lose control of his quirk.
How had he messed this up so terribly? Anyone would’ve been better suited to fight that villain, hell even Izuku-
Izuku.
The doctor begins talking again, but it was white noise buzzing next to him as everything suddenly rushed back into his mind.
“Kacchan” A weak, dying voice called out to him, begging for Bakugou to start moving, to snap out of his frozen state and do something.
Why didn’t he do something?
Bakugou’s stomach lurches, and before he realizes it, he’s throwing up on the doctor's shoes. The older man gave a short yelp as he stood up, taking a few large steps back before quickly calling another nurse in as Bakugou’s body continued emptying itself. Even after Bakugou had been hallowed and gutted, his stomach continued to cramp and twist, his throat spasming as his body desperately tried to clean him out.
His lungs feel heavy, broken, like they aren’t working quite right as he continues to cough and choke on air, before his body forces a noise from him. It wasn’t quite a cough, or a cry, though he could feel the tears that already covered his cheeks, this was more of a guttural, desperate noise, torn from his throat.
A full body shiver goes through him as he attempts to catch his breath, his body beginning to tremble with exhaustion, but he can’t stop the motion. Every muscle in his chest is pulling, tightening itself, forcing the air out of his body and not allowing any back in. His head begins to spin, and he can faintly make out the silhouette of Aizawa off to the side of the room. A few nurses begin to push at him gently, trying to guide him back down into a lying position, he can still hear the buzzing of their voices.
His side feels like it’s being torn apart, fuck, he should’ve studied harder, he should’ve worked harder, he was supposed to be the best, and yet he fucked up a simple mission. Shit, he hurt his teammate.
Was Izuku okay?
Fuck. Did Katsuki kill him?
Katsuki felt his head get light, his heart pulsing in his ears. There’s no way someone could’ve survived a shot like that to the stomach, especially not with the toxic fucking gas Katsuki made. Izuku was strong, but it just wasn’t realistic.
Katsuki killed him.
He killed his childhood friend. The closest thing to a brother that he had. Izuku came there to help and Katsuki had killed him. He was supposed to be a hero, what kind of hero acts so carelessly?
A sickening pressure begins to crush his lungs, stealing his breath and causing him to gasp for air, his throat raw and slowly numbing as he cries out. Everything begins to feel like too much, the constant stabbing pain in his chest, the repetitive clenching of his stomach; still trying to empty his body of anything left. Katsuki wished he could throw up his sins. He wished he could purify himself, throw up the death sentence he gave his best friend, rid himself of all his flaws, his temper, his lack of manners, his ever so present anger, a feeling that was sewn deep into Katsuki’s bones, a volcano that sat dormant and erupted in a chain of yelled cuss words and explosions.
Katsuki felt a sharp pinch on his arm and his head jerked sideways, his body thrashing as a set of hands tried to relax him while simultaneously holding him down. His vision was blurred, tears streamed down his face as he tried to gain control of his body, of his mind. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything.
Slowly, his limbs grew heavy, and his thoughts slowed. The fire in his chest dulled into a throb, distant, as if Katsuki was sympathizing with someone else's pain. His heart still pounded, but it was quieter, softer, like he was listening to it while underwater.
He blinked once, twice.
The ceiling above him spun, the muffled voices around him fading into silence. His body twitched, trying to fight against the drug starting to work its way into his system, trying to fight the shame, the embarrassment, the guilt that was crawling up the back of his throat. Katsuki knew it was a losing fight when he saw one.
His throat still burned ever so slightly, but he found it grounding in some sort of way, like it proved he was still alive. So he let his eyes shut, giving in to the promise of a peaceful sleep, if only for a moment, even if he didn't deserve it.
If it would take away the pain, numb the feelings of his guilt, his shame, then fine, he’d be selfish.
Not like it was anything new.
He’d always been selfish. Loud, reckless, brutal. Bakugou Katsuki was not known for his mercy. He had never been the quiet one, the good one.
So what was one more thing?
A single stolen breath, allowing him to rest, to run, to hide.
A flicker of peace, even if he hadn’t earned it.
Even if he never would.