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Dean asks you if you'll come with him on the next mission, he always does, which is a bit peculiar since with everyone else, he simply gives orders.
For better or worse giving orders is something he's become quite adept at over the years, and it's peculiar especially because your answer to that question is always the same.
You used to never feel fear before combat; even the prospect of pain or death didn't scare you because you were certain what you were doing was right and you would feel honored to die fighting in your father's name.
Now you wonder if any of those battles had any connection to what your father truly wanted, or if everything was ordered according to the archangels' interests.
You're increasingly inclined to believe the latter.
If your father ever cared, that day is long gone. You don't blame him much, after all, it was a wise position to have, since the more you care, the weaker you are. But you're no longer a soldier of God, you're a soldier of Dean. You feel fear, and you don't know if your battle is just, but you fight anyway.
You feel trapped in this skin, this body, this life, and the worst part is that you know that if you had another chance, you'd end up making all the same choices.
You can no longer imagine a future with redemption, your brothers and your father, or any kind of heaven or salvation. Whether it's a week from now or ten years from now, the only thing you can see in front of you is that face with green eyes, freckles, and now a permanent expression of arrogance.
You loved him, and he loved you too; that was one of the few things the apocalypse hadn't changed, and even though that feeling was now mixed with hatred and resentment, it didn't change that reality.
In five years, you watched the world end, and during those five years, you loved each other as much as a fallen angel and a broken man could love each other with the world ending around them, which was sometimes too much and sometimes not nearly enough, and in the end you doubt it made any difference.
It takes you a few seconds to answer, then he asks you again.
It almost makes you laugh because it's so stupid.
He looks at you as if he expected something different.
Whether he asked you to die or live for him, the answer was always the same.
“Yes, I will.”