Chapter Text
Yoshiki was disgusted.
With his town.
His family dynamic.
“Hikaru.”
But more significantly—himself.
A normal person wouldn’t grow fond of a monster.
A killer.
But he did, and naturally so.
He didn’t know why.
To find an answer he already knew, Yoshiki lifted his head from his desk and glanced to his right—where his eyes would land on Hikaru.
Or what was supposed to be Hikaru.
His hair was chalk-white, and his attention was glued to a movie the teacher had put on. It wasn’t even a movie worth watching, but Hikaru was entranced.
He sat with his back slouched against the chair, legs comfortably open, hands laying lazily in between. His attention was so easy to capture—like a child’s. He was such a new and familiar creature to Yoshiki.
Yoshiki had developed a habit of observing Hikaru more often than not—mainly to find answers.
Answers to why he couldn’t let go.
He knew letting go was the problem, because he had felt it before.
With the real Hikaru.
The ache of an empty space. He knew it all too well.
And he didn’t even know what he was struggling to let go of.
Or maybe it wasn’t what.
Maybe it was who.
Hikaru?
Or ‘Hikaru’?
Hikaru suddenly turned his head to Yoshiki, and they stared at one another for a moment.
No expressions worth noting.
Just staring.
The movie’s bright colors danced across Hikaru’s face. Its glow highlighted him beautifully.
It was thoughts like that that made Yoshiki want to hide.
Hes so much like him—and yet so very different.
He had gained a new friend. One who understood him on a level he didn’t know existed.
“Hikaru” understood what it was like to be different. And Yoshiki cherished that understanding like treasure.
So why is it that Hikaru has to go away for everyone to be safe?
Why was it so hard to say goodbye to something that had been so good to him?
How are such things fair?
Yoshiki felt his throat tighten, his tear ducts swell. A gloss painted his vision of Hikaru.
His red-stained eyes drifted away from Hikaru’s, and he looked up at the ceiling—trying to stop the tears from falling.
But he quickly realized he wasn’t strong enough to contain them.
So instead, he tucked his head back down onto the desk.
His arms shielding him from the reality he was being forced to accept.
A reality he wasn’t ready to face.
Yoshiki came to an answer that day, when he looked at Hikaru.
He realized letting go of the real Hikaru wasn’t his struggle anymore.
It was letting go of the monster who had tried to take his place.
And that was the hardest pill to swallow.
~
Class had ended.
Yoshiki was packing his notebook into his backpack when a shadow suddenly hovered over his desk.
He looked up, and through his dark bangs, he saw Hikaru.
Displeased.
Confused.
Hurt.
All at the same time.
Hikarus expressive face was one of Yoshiki’s favorite things.
“You were thinking about him again, weren’t you?” Hikaru asked, a subtle pout forming on his lips.
Yoshiki’s chest lifted and fell as he breathed in a response. Which was ultimately pointless—he always gave in to Hikaru.
“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I guess I was.”
He couldn’t help but think—
Hikaru didn’t know the half of it.
Didn’t even suspect that it might be him Yoshiki was really concerned about.
He stuffed the last of his things into his backpack and zipped it shut.
Then Hikaru leaned forward. Their foreheads nearly touching.
“If you come over tonight…” he whispered, avoiding eye contact, “he won’t even cross your mind.”
A breath passed between them.
Yoshiki tried to decipher what exactly Hikaru meant. The sudden sound of someone’s pencil dropping echoed loudly in the background.
Regardless, Yoshiki was blushing like crazy.
And his heart pulsed with curiosity.
Except—
Curiosity wasn’t going to guarantee Hikaru’s stay.
He quickly put on his backpack and stepped away from his desk.
Hikaru blocked his path, looking directly into Yoshiki’s eyes—with something close to a plea.
He wanted an answer.
But Yoshiki was too tired. Too stressed.
Too flustered to handle more feelings.
A heat of frustration flooded his veins, and he replied the only way he knew how.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hikaru.”
Then he roughly bumped his shoulder past him and made his dismissal.
His head hung low the entire walk home. A walk he was supposed to be sharing with Hikaru. The air was thicker and harder to take in when Hikaru wasn’t around.
But being with Hikaru meant emotions. Attachments. Feelings he wasn’t ready to drown in.
Not when their separation was so close.
He didn’t want to become more attached than he already was.
Like the disgusting parasite Yoshiki was.