Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Tim!” 

It was loud. Too loud. Like he had just been hit with a gust of wind that was carrying the noise from a city over. Too loud for comfort. Too loud for them to still be in the cab. It was so loud. But Tim couldn't hear anything. 

It was like someone had shoved cotton in his ears making all of the sound around him internal. 

"Tim!" 

It wasn’t his voice but it was close to him, so close that he could feel it in his chest. Everything was ringing. His limbs felt cold and heavy– yet also warm somehow in a way that filled him with dreadful unease. There was pressure on his left. Was someone grabbing him? He tried to open his eyes but something was in them, hot and dark and wet. 

"Tim please," the voice rumbling against him cracked and shattered around him. "Fuck please! Please fucking wake up!" 

-

Tim groaned as he rolled over in his hospital bed, his shoulder smarting as he flattened himself onto his back. He hurt all over, but that wasn't surprising seeing as it had only been three weeks since he'd almost died. He let his head roll to the side to look at his monitor. It was normal. He didn't exactly know why it was normal, but he'd been through enough rounds with the doctors to know that the way the screen was now was what normal looked like. He reached up with his good hand and pulled the oxygen line out of his nose, taking in the stale air of the hospital. 

It was light outside so he knew that he should call a nurse and ask for more medicine to combat the pain in his shattered leg. But the paranoid part of him was convinced that if he showed any weakness that they would keep him longer and more than anything he wanted to go home. 

That's where he had been going when the accident happened. Packed into a taxi with a box of his stuff that Bernard had packed up for him after a huge fight they'd had two nights before. He had broken up with Tim so many times for so many reasons he couldn't keep track of it anymore. But Jason had gone with him to pick up his things and they'd joked about the broken seat belt in the back of the car until the bus hit them. 

He had never really given much thought about what would happen to him if he got seriously hurt. He'd never thought that anyone would actually have to use his emergency contact until they did. Never thought that he would have to spend four days in a medically induced coma until his brain swelling went down. That he would hit his head hard enough to crack his skull. That he would lose so much blood that he would hear the EMT tell their partner that he was a goner as they tried to save his life. That they would have to physically cut him out of the back of the car with a metal saw or that his leg would be shattered badly enough that they would barely be able to save it. It just wasn't something that happened in real life. But it did. People didn't survive this. But he did. 

His mom was sitting in an armchair at the corner of the room, typing aggressively into her laptop as she nodded at what was being said on the phone pressed into her ear. She looked up at his pathetic noise and smiled. 

"I've got to go Nancy, Timmy is awake! Yes. Yes, I will. Alright." And she hung up. 

His mother had always been beautiful. Even dead tired in a wrinkled sweater, her hair in a messy, half fallen out bun. She smiled brightly as she walked up next to him and pushed his hair behind his ear. 

"You slept almost the full night this time," she said happily and kissed his forehead like sleeping was an achievement. "And that was the lowest level of medication yet!" 

"Yay mee…" he cheered weakly and groaned again as she helped him sit up and take a drink of water. "You were talking to Nancy?" He asked gruffly when she was appeased. "Was that work?" 

"Yes," she sighed. "They are eager to get me back. But I told them I would be here a little longer." 

"I'm fine mom, really." 

A snort at the door caught both of their attention as Jason walked in, setting a lunch box on the table that rolled up to Tim's bed. "What are you lying to your mom for, have you seen yourself?" He hugged Tim's mom and pressed the call button for the nurse. Tim made a noise of complaint but let Jason use the remote on the wall to angle his bed up. 

The nurse was an older woman with beautiful copper skin and a mess of curly brown hair that she had pulled back in two neat buns under her ears. She had a thick and rich Latin accent and a smile that made her look ten years younger. She aimed it at the boys as Jason helped Tim sit carefully forward and tucked a second pillow behind him. Tim kept his eyes down, trying to pretend his face wasn't inches from Jason's chest and his mom wasn't watching his gay panic. The nurse winked at him and looked Jason over when he let Tim go. 

"And how is that face of yours, Mr. Wayne?" She tapped his chin so he had to turn and show her the cut on his cheek. The only wound he had gotten from the accident. He made a face and she pinched him before walking over to Tim. She checked all his drips and machines and gave him more pain medicine despite his protests. It dripped into his IV like sleepy molasses, rolling through him until he was boneless and punchy and left him with a knowing smile. 

Jason unpacked the lunchbox. It wasn't much. The only meal he'd had at the hospital had been so bad that he refused to let Tim suffer through it. And after a list of no goes from the doctor, he'd cooked every meal. He took the top off of the still warm oatmeal, fruit and honey sprinkled over the top. He handed Tim the spoon, scooted the table up to him and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Did those drugs kick in yet?" He asked. Tim hummed around a bite and he sighed. "Good," he said guiltily and scrunched up his face. "Cause Steph flew in last night for Damian's birthday and-"

"Timmy!" Stephanie sobbed as she ran into the room. Her hair was short and her curls bounced around her chin as she half sprang towards him before Jason caught her around the middle and made her move more carefully. She took Jason's spot, touching the few bits of him that weren't hurt or bruised as tears and snot streamed down her face. "I never should have left." She huffed, wiping her sleeve across her face. 

"It's not like you could have stopped a bus…" Jason grumbled from where he leaned against the wall. 

"Watch me." She growled, glaring at him before turning back to Tim completely soft. "I never should have left you with Jason. He's an idiot."

"And not superhuman." He rolled his eyes and Stephanie turned around to snap at him again. Tim smiled despite himself. Sometimes it was hard to believe that the two of them weren't actually siblings. The fact that they had ever dated was still a taboo subject with all of their friends. The real reason that they broke up was still between Tim and Stephanie. 

They argued for a while while Tim and his mom listened in comfort, contributing here and there to keep the conversation going until the doctor came in. 

"Good news, Mr. Drake. Your last scan came back clean and your bones are setting well. You are down enough in your medication that I do not see any reason why you should not be able to continue them orally at home." He looked to Tim's mother. "The next few months will be difficult, your son will need a lot of help."

"Actually… I'll be going back to Oregon next week." She looked at Tim and then glanced at Jason. 

Tim frowned. "Then who-" 

"You can give the instructions to me," Jason said, already holding out his hand for the papers. "I just moved in."

"What?" Tim asked with a wild look at Jason. Jason had the strangest urge to pet the peach fuzz growing back in on the side of his head to see if he'd calm down. Sometimes it worked when Tim was drunk and refusing to go to sleep. But before Jason could give in to the urge Tim's mom stepped in and told him about the conversation they'd had while he slept a few days before. Jason turned back to the doctor and took the information. 

Once the doctor left Jason sat down to read over the packet. It was surreal seeing Tim's injuries listed out. There were more than he'd expected. More than enough that he should have died. Jason touched the fading mark on his cheek idly as he read. Stephanie laughed. Jason's hand dropped down. He looked up to see Tim rolling his eyes and Stephanie beaming at him. She glanced over to him when she felt him staring at them. 

"What?" 

He shook his head and went back to the packet. Stephanie had yelled at him when he'd told her what happened. It had been strange realizing she wished that it had been him. A voice that sounded too much like Dick told him that she didn't want that and was just scared. But Jason had never mattered as much to Stephanie as she had mattered to him. So he didn't see her waking Tim up hours before visiting hours actually started demanding they go visit Jason in the hospital like she had that morning. Maybe Tim would have been the one dragging her to see him. He smiled at the thought and tuned them out. 

-

"I think it makes you look even more handsome," Tim's sleepy voice said. Jason's hand dropped from where he'd been rubbing the scar again. It was becoming a habit. Stephanie and Ms. Drake had gone to lunch when Tim drifted off. Jason had waved them off with a short 'not hungry'. 

"Oh yeah?" Jason asked and moved to the chair next to the bed. 

Tim hummed. "It's a battle scar." 

"I'd take a few more if-" 

"Stop. If you got hurt worse then who would take care of me?" Tim shot him a sleepy smile. He could see a wrinkle of pain, but knew Tim didn't like how sleepy the meds made him. "You don't have to, you know."

"I know," Jason agreed with a nod. "It gave me the excuse I was looking for to quit." 

Tim chuckled. "How many jobs is that now?"

"This year?" Jason clarified with a grin. Tim looked over at him, smiling loose and bright. "I think this is ten?" 

"You're way behind last year's quota." 

Jason shrugged. He'd been hopping jobs since Bruce first insisted he get one a couple months into his junior year. He knew it had been Dick's influence that they raise adults who knew how to handle money. He'd worked at a couple restaurants that year. Busboying mostly, but he'd been a host at one and had quit after a weekend of nonstop smiling. Stephanie had told him to suck it up but Tim had laughed and made him promise to never change. He'd tried retail after that. The longest he'd stayed at a job was the eight months with Tim at the theater next to his building. He was pretty sure it was Tim that kept him there, not the actual job, but that had kept him employed for the rest of high school and the summer before college. 

He hadn't had to work during his freshman year of college. So that he could 'focus on his studies.' He hadn't studied, had partied with Roy, gotten lost in the woods surrounding Seattle, barely passed both semesters and had moved back to Gotham homesick and hating college. When he'd gotten back he'd made a deal with Bruce that he'd work unless he was going to school and had kept that promise. He definitely hadn't kept it the way Bruce had wanted him to - a single long term decent paying job - but jobs he had had. 

He just hadn't found his calling. Stephanie and Tim had known what they wanted to do with their lives before they'd even left high school. Roy had discovered it when he'd moved to Seattle. And Jay was left wondering what was wrong with him. So he job hopped, only staying until he started to hate it before moving on. In the cab, he'd been telling Tim that he was thinking about quitting when the bus crashed through Tim's side. 

"Can I touch your fuzz?" Jason asked when Tim started drifting again. 

"You can touch anything you want," Tim replied, words slurring with sleep. Jason huffed a laugh and ran his fingers over the soft fuzz. "That's nice," Tim mumbled. It was. Tim fell back to sleep while Jason rubbed over his hair. He stopped when the nurse came in and sat back down. He watched intently as she checked on things. When Stephanie and Ms. Drake came back, he moved back to the chair in the corner. 

-

Tim was going home. The doctor had kept him for a few more days, but everything was official. The wheelchair was there. The papers had been signed. All the knickknacks that had accumulated in the room were packed up. They were just waiting on the final okay. Tim had been ready for that okay the day before while his mom and Stephanie were still there. But it hadn't come. And they both had flights. Now it was just the two of them waiting on the doctor. 

"Do you think they'd notice if we just snuck out?" 

"Would a hospital notice a patient was gone? I don't know," Jason said with a flat look. 

"But I'm supposed to be gone anyway." 

"We're waiting. I don't want Stephanie murdering me because you died as soon as we left the hospital." Jason sighed. "She'd turn the plane around herself." 

"I don't know why she's being so protective," Tim said. Jason turned and raised an eyebrow. "I mean I know I almost died, but I'm fine now. So she shouldn't worry." 

"Right." Jason shook his head and went through the bag again to make sure he had everything. 

"You're still sure about helping me?" 

"Nah. I changed my mind after your mom and best friend left." 

"You're my best friend." 

Jason looked over to Tim. Before he could respond the doctor came in and declared Tim fit enough to go home. He helped Tim into the wheelchair, his leg still straight in front of him. Jason ignored the blush on Tim's cheeks as he set him in the wheelchair. He'd probably feel the same way if he was toted around. He was glad Tim had bird bones; it made helping him so much easier. Tim smiled at him, brief and different than any Jason had seen before. 

"Lemme text B," Jason told Tim and handed him his bag. 

"You didn't want to catch a cab?" Tim asked. Jason slid his phone in his pocket when Bruce immediately replied he'd pull around and took the handles of the wheelchair. 

"Haha," he responded dryly. "You know I think the brain damage improved your sense of humor." 

"As if you didn't already love me for my spectacular comedy." The nurse who was walking them to the entrance laughed as she looked away.

"Sorry," she said. "You two are really cute. A lot of couples don't make it through events like this." 

"I've spent too many years deluding him into thinking I'm cool to start over now," Jason replied, ignoring the couple comment. It wasn't the first time it had happened and it probably wouldn't be the last. Tim was quiet after the comment. He always was. Jason couldn't blame him. One of his boyfriends had broken up with him because he'd thought they were cheating. It hadn't mattered what either of them had said. 

"You think the front or back?" Jason asked when they turned into the main lobby. He could see Bruce waiting outside the car. 

"You'll be crammed in the back if I take the front," Tim said. 

"It'll be easier on your leg though," Jason said. Tim mumbled, but he didn't disagree. "Hey," Jason called as the doors opened. 

"Hey guys. You're looking better than the last time I stopped by," Bruce told Tim. 

"I feel better. For the most part," he said, gesturing to his leg. Tim reached up and Bruce hugged him. "Thanks," Tim said as Bruce stood back up. 

"Well let's get you home," Bruce said. Jason opened the passenger door and slid the seat all the way back. He knew it didn't need to go so far back, but he wasn't taking any chances. "Do you need help?" 

"Can you hold the chair?" Jason asked. Tim wrapped his arms around his neck as Jason lifted him from the chair. Jason was careful as he set Tim down in the seat and helped Tim turn so both of his legs were in the car. "Better than the back, right?" Jason asked with a pat to Tim's knee. 

"Scoot me up so I'm not in your lap," Tim grumbled, looking behind him. Jason carefully slid the seat forward. Tim rolling his eyes the entire time at how slow he was going. "You're being too careful. I'm not going to suddenly shatter."

"Alright, I'll make sure to just toss you into bed later." Jason grouched. And held out the seat belt to Tim to buckle himself. After double checking that Tim's leg wasn't near the door he shut it and slid into the backseat. There wasn't much room, he'd outgrown the back seat the summer after their sophomore year. But he didn't complain. He just buckled in and teased Bruce about the audio book still quietly playing. It was switched to music quickly and Tim and Jason spent the rest of the ride switching between songs getting the other to guess what it was. 

-

Tim looked exhausted after Bruce dropped them off. Tim's apartment luckily had an elevator. The wheelchair barely fit in it though and Jason was stuck in the corner looming over Tim who was laughing to himself. 

"Did you really move in? Nothing looks different," Tim said as he looked around. 

"I just brought some clothes. And a futon. I put it in your office, if that's okay?" 

"Yeah. I know you were going to make dinner, but do you think I can take a nap first?"

"Yeah. I can wake you up when it's time to eat." Jason helped Tim into his bed and made sure his, phone, meds, and water were all within reach. 

"Text me or just yell if you need anything," Jason said, hovering awkwardly as Tim got comfortable. He rubbed his cheek when Tim winced but shifted and laid down flat. 

"I'll be fine, Jay," Tim said when he caught Jason staring. "Go relax." 

Jason nodded and left the door cracked as he headed out to the living room. There were a few hours until he needed to start dinner so he flipped on the TV and opened his phone. Everything would be fine. Tim had come home. He'd left the hospital. 

He was going to be fine. 

-

Tim groaned as he rolled over and jostled his still brushed ribs. Only one of them had broken. Technically three had partial, but he didn't count that as a real break. He glared blurrily at the bedside table where Jason had placed his meds and plugged in his phone. His head was throbbing and he knew he should take the medicine. But he reached for his phone instead. 

Jason and his mom hadn't let him even think about work since the accident. His mother had called and told the company about his accident and they had assured him that his job was safe and to focus on healing. He opened his email and stared at the stream of new messages in his inbox of people who had requested him only to be told he was on medical leave. An entire season's worth of work and new film clients that he wouldn't get to work with. He tried to scroll down to the bottom of them but it wouldn't load fast enough and the phone was plucked out of his hands before it could catch up. "Hey!" He complained and groaned when he tried to sit up. But Jason set the phone back down and put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from moving too much. He pulled Tim up carefully and put a few more pillows behind his back before he opened his medication and poured two into his hand. 

"Open," he told him, parting his lips slightly as he did. Tim knew that he should be offended that Jason was motioning to him like a child– but he was too distracted by the hard cut of his teeth peeking out from under the curve of his top lip to be mad. He opened his mouth and Jason's palm just kissed his lips as he pressed the pills to his tongue and offered him a glass of water. Tim took a hard swallow, he had always been bad at taking pills, and then another. And then the whole glass was gone. 

Jason set it next to his phone and ran his thumb almost absentmindedly over the just healed scar on the side of his head. Tim hummed and his eyes shut, the placebo of taking his pills soothing some of his aches. Or maybe it was just Jason. There was something calming about him. There always had been. He never panicked about anything. Never felt the need to have a plan before he jumped– Tim had always envied that. But at the same time, he had never wanted it for himself because then it wouldn’t be as special when he saw it in his best friend. 

He frowned at that thought and tilted his head as he looked up at Jason. “You made a face.”

Jason's nose scrunched up and he made another face at that. “What are you talking about?” 

“At the hospital,” Tim told him and reached up to poke the wrinkle between his eyebrows. “You made a face when I called you my best friend.” 

Jason rolled his eyes, but his cheeks reddened a bit when he batted his hand gently away. “You’re seeing things. Bus must have knocked the sight out of you too.”

“No, I mean it!” Tim insisted, grabbing his wrist in his weak grip. His face burned and he knew that it was the medicine coating his senses that made him keep going. “It’s more than that.” Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! “I just… Jay, I almost died and… I, I have to tell you…” 

Oh no. This was bad. This was so fucking bad. The medication was beginning to make him feel warm. It was just the two of them in the dark safety of his room. And even though he knew he was about to ruin everything, he couldn’t stop himself. It was like he was 15 again, back in his childhood bedroom, staring at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling as he admitted to Stephanie that he was in love with her boyfriend. That, even though he knew that it would hurt her feelings, he couldn’t accept them because ever since he had seen Jason for the first time- spoken to him and laughed with him- he couldn’t let that love go. And looking at him now, he felt the words bubbling out from under his tongue. 

“I… I’m in love with you.” 

Jason sat back like he had been pushed and Tim swallowed the bile that tried to come up his throat. He had said it, it was done. 

Jason spoke before he could, “But you told Bernard…”

“I lied,” he admitted, wishing that he could hide in his blankets, but he was too sore to pull them up faster than Jason could pull them down. “To all of them. I… it’s always been you.” He forced his eyes away from Jason’s so that he could breathe without being distracted by the gold that laced Jason’s pupils. When he looked back, Jason looked pale and stunned and Tim swallowed the initial hurt and shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything,” he told him easily and offered him the best smile he could. He hoped that he didn’t look too pathetic or doped up. “It’s just that I almost died. I didn’t want to die without telling you that at least once.” 

"Tim, I-" 

His phone started buzzing; their dinner was ready. He ignored it and looked at Tim. He didn't know what he was supposed to say to that. It felt like his entire world had shifted. Like when Bruce had told him- he took Tim's hand. 

"Tim-" His fingers tightened around Jason's and he looked down at them. "You're my- I-I love you, but I've- I've never thought of you like that." 

"I know," Tim replied softly. His thumb rubbed over the back of Jason's hand like he was trying to comfort him like he wasn't the one getting his heart broken. And Jason knew that's what was happening. He'd seen it before. He knew how heartbreak looked on Tim. He was smiling still, but he could fake a smile through anything. But his eyes were the bluest that he'd ever seen them, and there were tears gathering in them, though the small cough meant Tim was fighting them. 

"I- Um. I came to get you for dinner. Do you still want to eat out there? I could bring you-" 

"Yeah. Of course I want to eat with you." Tim's fake smile grew a little bit brighter. "Can I have a second though?" 

"Sure. Let's get you into the chair first and you can come out as soon as you're ready." Jason helped him into the chair and made sure that he was comfortable before taking a few steps to the door. Tim looked small and defeated as he watched him walk out of the room. 

Their garlic bread was a lost cause. He dumped it straight into the trash. He put the pan in the sink and braced his hands over it as he looked out the window at the brick wall of the next building. He remembered joking with Tim when he'd first moved in that he had an amazing view. They'd done dishes side by side that night and joked about adding a mural. They never did decide what it should be. 

He heard the chair rolling across the creaking floor of Tim's room and looked over to the stove. He grabbed the plates he'd set aside and piled on the noodles and sauce. He added a few extra spoonfuls of sauce onto Tim's plate like he knew he liked it and set it on the side he'd cleared for the chair. He'd set Tim's water down when Tim rolled up to the table. 

"My favorite," Tim said quietly. 

"I promised you I'd make it before the accident. But I know how much you hate leftover noodles so I had to wait for you to be out of the hospital. 

"Thanks," Tim said through a mouthful of noodles. He was smiling when he twirled another giant glob of noodles onto his fork and Jason relaxed. "Did something burn?" Tim asked when he'd finished inhaling his bite.

"Just the garlic bread. I can make some toast and rub garlic on it if you want," he offered with a smirk. 

"I was desperate. And 16. You really need to let that go." 

"Never. The knowledge that you're actually bad at something keeps me warm at night." 

"I'm bad at plenty of things." Jason rolled his eyes. "I am. I'm bad at walking," Tim said after thinking for a few seconds and gestured down to his leg. 

"That doesn't count. And the fact that you couldn't think of anything is exactly my point." 

"I'm bad at riding in taxies."

Jason laughed. 

"And I can't whistle." 

"You can't whistle?" Jason asked. "How did I not know that?" 

"Nope. And surprisingly it doesn't come up a lot in conversations." Tim grinned at him. 

"Wow. You can't whistle and you can't cook. How do you survive?" 

"I hoot like an owl and befriend excellent cooks."

Jason smiled. "I was a terrible cook when we met. Just ask Bruce. I gave him food poisoning twice." 

"I saw the potential." Tim scooped up some of the excess sauce and licked it off the fork with a hum. Jason blinked a couple times and scoffed. 

"Oh, I hope it's okay, but I'm picking up Damian tomorrow. Dick will get him when he's off so he'll only be here for a couple hours."

"Yeah that's fine. Does he know what happened?" 

"Yeah. They told him you got hurt. And he asked me so many questions when I got my stitches out." Jason chuckled at the memory. Damian had insisted on going with him when he found out that his bandage was coming off. He seemed to think that Jason was getting a new face. They didn't know how he'd come to that conclusion, but he'd thrown a fit when they'd tried to leave him behind. He'd sat in his lap while they waited for the doctor just staring at him. Then climbed back up into his lap when the doctor had finished. He'd seemed relieved that his uncle didn't look too different. He still poked at the edges of the scar if Jason wasn't paying attention. "I'll make sure he knows not to touch you. He's a little handsy with my face."

"Do you want me to go with you?" 

"If you want to go. I'll have to go get the car. I need to anyway. We'll need it for your appointments." 

"I'll go," Tim said and finished off the last of his plate. Jason took it and his own to the sink. They talked about Damian while he washed their dishes. "Can we watch a movie?" 

"Sure." 

Tim's foot ended up on a pillow in his lap after a few attempts to find something comfortable. Jason rested his hand on the cast after checking that it was okay. Tim was out before the opening credits had ended. He'd been surprised he'd seemed so energetic during dinner. He finished the movie and started another. Tim woke up with a start halfway through it. He blinked at the TV in confusion before settling in. Jason turned back to the screen. This was fine. It felt like any other night that he'd stayed over. And when he carried Tim to bed after he'd fallen asleep during the climax of the second movie he hoped that it would stay like this and they'd be fine. 

-

Jason parked in the parking garage and looked over to Tim. "I'll be back in an hour." 

"I brought a book. I'll be fine," Tim said and pushed him toward the door. "Don't make your brother late." 

Bruce had called him in the morning in a panic that he'd gotten the time wrong for the appointment and had a meeting. So Jason was going to have to be the adult during the session instead of just taking Damian from Bruce when it was over. Jason had told Tim thinking he'd change his mind, but he had still wanted to tag along. He didn't know how sitting in a car was better than sitting in his bed at home, but apparently it was in Tim's mind. 

Jason got to the waiting room and had barely said hi to Bruce when they were calling Damian back. He took his backpack from Bruce and watched him kiss Damian's forehead with a warning to be good for his uncle before practically running out the door. 

Damian had been in speech therapy since he was little for a stutter. Jason had gone along a couple times when Bruce had asked, but it was still strange being the only one there with him. He knew the exercises and caught himself doing them along with the doctor. 

"That was amazing," the doctor said at the end and gave Damian a high five. She told Jason that she'd send Bruce an email with his progress. Jason nodded and helped Damian into his backpack that he'd immediately demanded. 

Tim was smiling at them as they walked up to the car, Damian jumping and swinging from his arm as they moved. 

"Timothy," Damian greeted with a frown. Jason tried to hide his snicker. He didn't know how he'd found out Tim's full name, but he always called him by it. And the serious tone had come after Jason had told Damian that Tim was his friend. Jason wasn't allowed to have friends other than Damian. It had been years since then, but the tone stuck. 

"Hey Dami," Tim responded with a grin. "How was your day?" 

"I did amazing. I got a high five." 

"Hell yeah you did," Jason agreed and gave Damian a high five of his own after making sure he was buckled in. 

"Jason's living with me right now," Tim was telling Damian when Jason slid behind the wheel. 

"Are you married?" 

"No," Tim said with a laugh. "He's just helping me feel better." 

"Did you get a new face too?" Damian asked. Tim looked over to Jason with obvious confusion. Jason pointed to his cheek. 

"No, but I did get a new leg." Damian's questions continued the entire way back to the apartment. 

Damian spent most of the afternoon trying to climb into Tim's lap. He watched with narrow, scrutinizing eyes just waiting for his chance when Jason turned around and then Tim would delight as he watched him try to scramble up only to be caught halfway on and for Jason to put him back on the ground. Not that it deterred him any. It was probably ridiculous to admire a four year old, but his determination had always been inspiring to Tim. When he got frustrated or something didn’t go his way he just tried again. Unphased by deterrence or rejection. 

Jason helped situate Tim on the couch, setting a little pillow on Damian’s tiny lap and putting Tim’s leg carefully across it. He pulled out a half empty box of markers and offered them to Damian, grinning at Tim as he told him to go crazy. The only markers that still had any ink were the red, yellow and green ones– so even though Damian’s drawings were pretty good for a kid, it still took some guessing as to what they were. The dull scratch of the markers against his cast was peaceful and after Jason made him take his medicine it was easy to shut his eyes and let the sound carry him to sleep. 

This was easy. Normal. Fine. It was almost like he had never opened his big mouth and ruined everything. So far Jason had been pretending like the whole thing had never happened, and Tim was playing along. Maybe if he pretended long enough, he could forget it. He could move on and nothing had to change. And it was better this way really. If he had never said it then there would always be the question of what would have happened if he had. Jason’s face flashed behind his eyes, broken and desperate as he held Tim’s hand not sure what to do– and Tim decided then and there that he had done what he’d needed to do. He’d said it. He’d been rejected. Now they could go back to normal. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was out for, but it wasn’t Jason or Damian’s voice that woke him up. “I think it’s a bat?”

“Cow.” Damian replied, marker still scratching against his cast. 

“It has a mask on.” That was Jason. Tim tried to control the heat that wanted to flood into his cheeks. He was standing next to Tim’s head, probably leaning over the back of the couch to look at his nephew. Even with the couch between them, it wasn’t enough room– and too much all at once. 

“A super bat,” Dick amended, sounding delighted. 

“Cow!” Damian said again, mad that no one had listened. 

“A super cow,” Dick corrected himself apologetically. “I’m sure that Tim will be thrilled to wear your cow for the next month.” 

“Two,” he croaked, prying his eyes open even when the drugs tried to drag him back under– but laughed as he was enveloped in the softest and most crushing hug he’d ever received. “Mr. Deee,” he whined as Dick pulled back to get a look at him, his eyes watery but happy as he looked over all his bruises and bandages. He swallowed hard and then hugged Tim again, a little harder than he meant to this time and Tim groaned as his ribs protested. Jason pushed his brother in law back carefully. 

“Not too tight,” he said protectively and Tim very pointedly kept his eyes away from him. “He puts on a good face but there are four broken ribs in there. 

“Bossy.” Dick smirked, poking at him. He turned to Tim with a secret smile. It was the same one he used to throw at him in class when he was giving back their assignments. Everyone had always thought Mr. D was a harsh grader– but really he just didn’t want to see his lectures copied verbatim onto paper. Jason had struggled with that at first. Nn, he hadn’t struggled, he just hadn’t cared. Jason was just like that sometimes. When he was bored he only did the bare minimum. But when he really cared about something, he would fight tooth and nail to do it right. “He learned that from B,” he whispered at Tim, a hand hiding his mouth even though he was loud enough to hear across the room. 

“Daddy is the boss,” Damian agreed, still drawing. Dick beamed at him and Tim ached as he remembered Damian asking if he and Jason were married in the car. Dick got up and Jason carefully moved Tim’s leg so that he could pull Damian out from under him but he complained loudly until Tim told them to let him stay and finish his drawing. Dick was all too happy to have an excuse to putter around and clean things that were already clean as he demanded to know everything about Tim’s recovery. He had only come to see Tim once in the hospital. It had been right after the crash, Tim was just out of surgery. He had taken one look at him wrapped up, black and blue and a thousand tubes running out of him, before he’d choked out a sob and Bruce had taken him into the hall to spare Tim. After that he had been banned from the hospital. He still talked to Tim every day, through facetime on Jason’s phone or text. He would send Tim videos and silly doodles and it was clear to Tim now that Bruce and Jason had forbidden him from asking about anything dire until he was out of the woods. 

Jason sat in Tim’s wheelchair next to him while Dick babied Tim, tucking a blanket over every part but the leg that Damian refused to let go of. He rummaged through the kitchen and made them tea and then wheeled Jason over to Damian’s side of the couch so that he could sit on the floor next to Tim’s head and quiz him about everything he hadn’t been allowed to before. They talked about how work and the projects that had rescheduled to have him be a part of it– and a little bit about the ones he’d had to pass up on. Jason listened quietly and Tim knew that he was taking all of it in, blaming himself for an accident that he didn’t cause. 

Dick asked them four times to come and stay with him and Bruce until Tim was healed, but one look at Jason’s tight face had Tim refuse with a gracious laugh. 

“It’s not because they don’t trust you,” Tim told him after Dick and Damian had left. Jason looked startled and a little ashamed, like he had just been caught saying it out loud. But he didn’t deny it. “They just want to help you share the burden.”

“You aren’t a burden,” Jason said quickly. 

It was all Tim could do not to roll his eyes and say sure. Instead he just smiled and nodded. “Help me get into bed?” 

Jason lingered after getting Tim settled in bed. He'd already made sure his phone was plugged in within reach, he'd frowned at him until he'd taken the pain meds that the doctor had insisted were necessary for the next couple days, that Tim was already trying to squirrel his way out of taking, and had refilled the water cup. Tim had watched him with an indulgent smile. He was still watching him, waiting for Jason to say whatever he was thinking.

"I-" Jason started and stopped. He bit his lip and shook his head. 

Tim's smile softened even further and he tapped the bed a couple times. Jason sat and was surprised when Tim touched his cheek, turning him so he looked at him and not his hands. "I'm not going to be awake for much longer," Tim said through a yawn. "So you'd better say whatever you've been trying to say." 

"I wouldn't have agreed to this if I didn't think I could do it," he said with a sigh. 

"I know that," Tim agreed. 

Jason touched Tim's hand where it sat between them. Their fingers tangled together. He stared at them. It had always been easy to touch Tim. Nudges and rough half hugs to falling asleep on the other to curling around each other as they watched movies on the couch. He'd never thought anything of it. It felt natural, good. 

"I wish-" Tim's fingers loosened around his and he looked over to him. His head was drooped over in sleep. Jason pulled the blankets up and carefully tucked Tim's arm back into the warmth. He hesitated and brushed over the fuzz. "Sweet dreams." 

Chapter Text

His phone rang as he was picking out a banana bunch. He tossed the one in his hand in his basket and grabbed his phone. The panic that had shot through him faded when he saw Roy's name on the screen. 

"Hey," he greeted and tucked the phone against his ear as he grabbed a couple produce bags. 

"Hey. You busy?"

"Getting groceries," he answered with a sigh. "Tim kicked me out of the apartment when I tried to help him bathe."

"He said no to an erotic sponge bath? Were you wearing the nurse's outfit I sent you?"

"The fact that you think I actually bought it…" Jason muttered. 

"I think Tim deserves a sexy nurse moment," Roy said with a laugh. Jason's brain screeched to a stop as he struggled to put the romaine in the bag. That wasn't the first time Roy had made a joke like that.

"Um. Actually, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else?" 

"Who else would I tell?" Roy asked and started making up imaginary conversations he'd have with Dick and a coworker Jason had talked about a few months ago. Jason let him ramble and then walked away from the produce. He found a corner that didn't have anyone in it and stopped. "But yeah, I'll keep your secret," Roy agreed. 

"Tim told me he is in love with me." 

There was silence and Jason checked to make sure the call hadn't dropped. 

"What did you say?" 

"That I'd never thought of him that way."

"Ouch," Roy replied with a hiss. "But really? Never?" 

"No. We tested that, remember?" 

"What?" Roy asked. "Wait. The kiss when we were fifteen? That's what you're using to base whether you're into like the love of your life?" 

"Huh?" Jason asked. An old lady walked down the aisle and Jason pushed his cart away. 

"Dude. Honestly, I was half expecting a wedding announcement when you moved back to Gotham." Jason grabbed a couple bags of gummy worms, already thinking about sorting them when he got home. "Remember when that girl you'd been talking to dumped you? Well you were like ten times more depressing when Tim didn't immediately respond to your texts." 

"No I wasn't." 

"And," Roy continued ignoring Jason. "You told me you were moving back two sentences after telling me that Tim had broken up with the blond asshole." 

"He's not an asshole," Jason pointed out weakly. He did remember calling Bernard that after one of their early break ups. "How does that make Tim-" Jason swallowed, he couldn't even say it. 

"The love of your life?" Roy repeated with emphasis because he was an asshole. "I think you need to figure that out yourself. But if that awful kiss is the only thing stopping you from thinking you like guys maybe you should reconsider. Cause I thought the same thing and I definitely don't mind kissing dudes anymore."

"I already told him that I didn't," Jason said trailing off at the end. 

"I didn't tell you to go home and announce that you're thinking about it now. That would be fucked up. Especially if you don't end up feeling anything. But just think about it. And then if slash when you figure your feelings out you can tell him. And if you don't then you're just friends and that really sucks for our Timmy."

"Don't call him that. He hates it."

"Steph calls him that all the time," Roy pouted. 

"He told her not to when we were still in high school." Jason grabbed a pack of sponges and headed to the check out. "But you know how she is. And if Tim didn't want to be friends anymore because…" Jason bumped into the guy in front of him and apologized. He shook himself. 

Roy talked him through the line and the walk to Tim's. He hung up as he struggled with the front door. His key was cursed. Tim was sitting on the couch, leg propped on a pillow. And towel draped over his chair. 

"Hey," Tim greeted without looking away from the TV. Jason grunted a response and started putting everything away. Once everything was where it belonged he washed his hands and grabbed the bags of worms. He tossed the bags once they'd been sorted and grabbed the bowl before joining Tim on the couch. He handed the bowl of red and blue worms to Tim and moved the pillows so he could sit down. He set Tim's foot back down and finally looked at what was on TV. 

-

Things were mostly back to normal two weeks after he had gotten out of the hospital. They hadn’t spoken about it since and the further they got away from the moment, the easier it was to fall back into their old rhythm. Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons were when Tim had physical therapy. They would stay up late the nights before, playing video games or watching movies so they could sleep in and Tim didn’t waste the morning dreading it. They would wake up at ten or eleven and Jason would make something delicious for breakfast while Tim made the coffee too strong to make up for the haziness of the medication. They had kept him on his pain meds for a week longer than they had said they would after his check up went poorly. Jason had barely let him move alone after that. But he had gotten better. So they let him start his physical therapy. 

It was horrible. Every pull of either arm made his ribs throb as his abs stretched. And his left hand was cramping if he held onto anything too long. His shoulder still wasn’t healed enough for him to try crutches so they kept him off his feet- but he was still exhausted after every session. After therapy they would grab lunch and head home and hope that he could eat before he would pass out. On the few occasions that he didn’t make it, Jason always heated it up in the oven for him. 

Therapy nights were early nights. They would play a game, sometimes one of their school friends would stop by to check on Tim with a Tupperware of food that they always tried after they left so that Tim could laugh freely at Jason’s judgements. 

Tuesdays were check up days where Tim would have to go see his long line of doctors to make sure things were progressing the way they needed to. Those were usually early but the time fluctuated depending on how busy the hospital was. But Tim didn’t mind Tuesdays. The hospital was right next to the park in the middle of the city and most of the time they got out right when the buskers started arriving. He would make Jason walk him through the park and get pretzels and funnel cake from hand pushed wagons as they watched all of the performers and talked about everything and nothing at all. Sometimes they just sat there for hours, the conversation flowing all over the place from Jason’s mom to Tim’s- to his mom’s new boss who kept hitting on her, to the poor girl who had stalked Jason their entire senior year- to the time they got trapped on a subway for three hours when Tim had to pee so bad he might die. Other times they just sat quietly and enjoyed watching the people around them. And even far from the moment– Tim’s feeling were unchanged. Because this feeling, this perfect peace with himself and everything around him only came when Jason was close by. It was like he was an extension of his own body. A limb that he couldn’t live without. 

Which was why he hated Thursdays. He had done it to himself, insisting that Jason have a day free of any responsibility to him. They would have breakfast together in the morning but then Tim would shoo him out the door and wait aimlessly until he got back. Usually Jason went to see Bruce. He would text him on and off through the day but the large periods of silence always felt so lonely and charged. He never stayed out too long though, always making it back for them to watch a movie together before bed. 

And Tim knew it was the longing that was making him see it. Jason looking at him at odd moments of the day like he was thinking about him and not what happened to him. He had to make himself distinguish between the two looks so that he didn’t go looking for hope in all of the wrong places. He didn’t want to convince himself that Jason loved him back. Because he had already said it. Jason had the truth laid in front of him and he hadn’t wanted it. Tim had been wrong. All of the kind and personal things that Jason did for him, wanting to take care of Tim, holding him, being close with him– that was the friendship that Jason wanted. Nothing more than that. 

He rolled himself out of his doorway where he had been watching Jason over the back of the couch and found him lying across it. He moved to help Tim, but he shook his head and pushed himself out of the chair and, careful of his leg, crawled on his knees over him. He laid on top of Jason, snuggling his cheek into his chest as he wrapped his arms around his waist. He didn’t feel guilty or even embarrassed. Jason knew. If this was too far he would tell him, though it never had been before. Jason’s arms were around him before Tim could even ask, but he did anyway. 

“This okay?” 

Jason hummed and Tim closed his eyes as the vibration ran over him in the same steady rhythm of his hand on his back. 

-

It was dark when he woke up, the TV playing at least six episodes away from what they had been on when he had fallen asleep. Jason was breathing softly beneath him, the steady up and down of his chest filling Tim with tingling butterflies that refused to settle. He took a moment to try and calm his breathing before he slowly turned his head to look up at Jason’s face. He looked so young when he was sleeping, boyish, just like the face that he’d fallen for when they were teenagers. No, not just like it. The scar that ran down his eye was still baby pink, new and soft and healing. Tim moved his hand that was still under Jason with the urge to touch it– but his movement made Jason stir. Tim held his breath and Jason’s hands moved up his back, up underneath his shirt and pulled Tim further up his body. He couldn’t help his gasp as Jason turned them so that Tim’s back was to the back of the couch, their legs laced together and the full heat of his palm pressed into the skin of the small of his back. 

He let in a shaky breath as Jason tucked him closer to his chest, turning his face down into Tim’s hair. He held his hand to his mouth when he felt Jason take a slow, steady inhale of him before he settled completely and back into his steady sleep. 

Tim was on fire. His face and body burned from the stiffness he had forced into his limbs. He needed to relax before he regretted it. But Jason’s hand pressed higher up his back and he could have died in that moment. He forced himself to breathe. He needed to be fine with this. He couldn’t go on for the rest of his life turning to mush anytime Jason was close to him. So he breathed. And slowly he began to relax and as he relaxed he could enjoy the moment that he knew would end so much sooner than he wanted it to.  

-

"Jay?" 

"No," he whined and pushed his face into his pillow. 

"Nn!" That was odd. Had his pillow… "I have to pee." Tim's hand pushed on his side and Jason opened his eyes. He'd rolled over in his sleep and Tim was half under him. He pushed up and looked down the length of them. Tim's leg was at least protected. He looked back at Tim who was bright red and his words clicked. 

"Oh sorry." 

He pushed up off the couch and yawned before helping Tim into his chair. He pushed him to the restroom and stared at the door as it shut behind Tim. He blinked a few times and turned to the kitchen. 

Tim clattered out of the bathroom and Jason held up two packets of oatmeal. 

"Is that all we have?" Tim asked with a small frown. Jason nodded. He needed to go to the store. He'd put it off, but they were getting low on some of Tim's favorites. 

"I guess cinnamon is fine." Tim added 'not gross oatmeal flavors' to their shopping list on the fridge. Jason huffed when he saw it. He set Tim's bowl on the table before collapsing into the chair with his hugged close to his chest. "Are you okay?"

Jason nodded. "Just tired." 

"Sleeping on the couch was an awful idea." 

Jason hummed around the spoon. That wasn't it, he'd actually slept the best he'd slept in weeks, but didn't feel like he'd caught up yet. Mostly he wanted to pull Tim back to the couch and go back to sleep with his steady weight against him. Tim subtly stretched his shoulder. Jason frowned. "Are you sore?" 

"Not really, but I'm glad I have PT today." 

Jason went through the kitchen and bathroom double checking that he had everything that they needed before he ran to the store. He'd have just enough time to get back before they had to leave for the doctor. But when he walked back into the living room Tim was waiting by the door, already in one of the outfits he wore to his therapy session. 

"I'm going with you." Tim smiled up at him, a huge cheesy thing that he always used when he wanted to make Jason laugh. He rolled his eyes and opened the door. 

Jason pushed Tim once they got downstairs. They talked about people they passed. Jason hummed a couple times and as they waited at a crosswalk Tim leaned back and looked up at him. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" 

"Yeah," Jason said and rubbed Tim's head as he pushed it back into a more comfortable position. "I got a lecture from Roy yesterday." 

"I wondered why he told me to tell you that you're an asshole," Tim said with a chuckle. 

"Is that all he said?" Jason asked, his heart gave a thump as he waited. 

"We talked about how I've been," Tim offered. "He told me about his new girlfriend. She sounds intense."

"I think that's a prerequisite for him. Hot and intense. All others need not apply." 

Tim laughed. Their reminiscing over their group's exes lasted them into the store. Jason made his normal route, and pretended he didn't see Tim sneaking more food into the basket in his lap. Oatmeal acquired, they headed back. 

"I just realized we've never gone grocery shopping together," Tim said a block from the apartment. "8 years and we still have firsts." 

Jason huffed and shot a look at the guy that nearly bumped into Tim. "Are you sure? I feel like I've definitely bought food in a store with you before."

"At convenience stores. That doesn't count." 

"Timothy Jackson Drake not counting things? Shocking!" Jason teased. Tim turned around to look up at him and when he saw the broad smile he frowned and turned back around. 

"Shut up. I thought you promised we weren't going to talk about that." Tim was pouting, he could hear it in his voice. 

Jason pressed his face into the top of Tim's head as he laughed. It was an old joke. One Jason hadn’t thought about in years. High school Tim had been obsessed with firsts. He'd redone his first kiss twice, and even after that quantified too many of his kisses. First kiss with tongue. First kiss without shirts on. Jason wouldn't have been surprised to find a list. And after kisses, it had taken Tim three times to successfully give a blowjob. The first two he claimed didn't count because one hadn't even made it in his mouth and the other had come as soon as his lips had touched the tip. Jason had cackled when he'd been told in a hushed whisper as they waited for class to start. 

'Did that count?' had been one of Jason's most used jokes throughout high school. Tim rolled his eyes every time and no one else understood it, but Jason had found it hilarious. Until Tim had sex for the first time. He'd nudged Jason as they waited in the dark for a movie to end and told him. He hadn't claimed it didn't count and had smiled for the rest of their shift, even when a bag of trash ripped as he pulled it out of the can. He hadn't found the joke very funny after that. 

"Um excuse me?" Jason stood up as a girl with a camera approached them. She smiled at both of them before focusing on Tim. "Hi! I'm sorry to interrupt, but I take photos of people on the streets and you two looked so adorable. I hope you don't mind." 

She turned the camera so they could see what she'd taken. Tim was covered in grocery bags and his face was red but Jason could see the smile breaking through the forced frown. Most of Jason's face was hidden by Tim's hair, but you could see the crinkle of laughter around his eyes. Jason stared at the photo. They looked like a couple. Again. The girl was talking, but Jason couldn't hear her over the sudden pounding in his chest. He liked that they looked like a couple. 

Tim's laughter brought him back and he smiled half heartedly when they glanced at him. "It's been eight years now. His jokes aren't very funny, but he still laughs at them." 

"I'm hilarious," Jason corrected.

They talked to her about how they met and their school years. She softened when they talked about the accident. Tim looked at him when Jason told her about how scared he'd been holding Tim in the back of the taxi as the chaos of the rescue around them rose. He realized that they hadn't talked about the accident. It got quiet for a moment then Tim joked about how he'd be taking the bus more. The laughter was quiet. He was grateful when his alarm went off warning them that they'd need to start getting ready. 

"Thanks for your time and your story." She promised to send them the photo. Tim waited in the lobby while Jason ran their food upstairs. He shoved a few bags straight into the fridge before running back downstairs. 

-

Tim was exhausted when they got home. But he insisted on staying awake until at least dinnertime so it wouldn't ruin his sleeping schedule. They compromised by settling in Tim's bed. Tim tucked himself in and sent Jason to get a game. He brought back a short stack. Jason made a couple sandwiches in between games when Tim didn't seem interested in waiting for him to make anything. 

"Jason!" Tim shouted as he put two trains down blocking Tim's route from LA to New York. "Wait. Do you only have one train left?" 

Jason cackled as Tim threw his route cards at him. Tim put down three trains with a pout and Jason put his last train down ending the game. He watched Tim stubbornly count his trains even though there was no way he could win with not one but two incomplete routes.

"Wipe that pity off your face," Tim admonished with a glare. Jason hummed and looked down to count his trains. It hadn't been pity on his face. He knew that much. But he wasn't sure what look it had been. Over the past few days he'd caught himself looking at Tim, trying to figure out if what he felt was friendship like he'd always thought or something more. 

"What's going on with you?" Tim asked when Jason had tossed the packed up box back on the floor. He tugged him up next to him. He shrugged it off. "You never told me about the accident."

"I didn't want to bring it up if you didn't want to talk about it," Jason mumbled. 

"I thought you'd been knocked out like me. You had that bruise on your temple when I woke up and Bruce said you were on concussion watch." 

"I don't think I got knocked out. If I did it wasn't for more than a second." Jason took a breath. "I remember everything. That floating feeling. Trying to hold onto you when the car started to flip. Failing. I remember my head hitting the glass and the door breaking right next to it. I think that's what did this." He touched his scar.

"I remember you laying on the roof of the cab. It had crumbled and you were so close. So still. Everything felt frozen." 

Jason laughed. "I had a hard time getting out of the seatbelt. Bruce was right. We should have gotten out when it was broken.

"I thought you were dead. You weren't moving. And you'd been thrown around so much. I couldn't find your pulse." He gripped the comforter, but it did nothing to help the echo of his terror. "I was afraid to move you. So I just stayed with you and begged you to wake up. And you made a noise. I don't think I'd been breathing very well before that. When they started cutting us out I covered you. Made promises that you'd be okay. Over and over.

"I have nightmares that you didn't make a sound and you died because I made you switch." He took a shaky breath. Tim touched his cheek and Jason looked at him. "I can't lose you."

Jason grabbed his wrists where Tim held his face as his chest swelled with this great emotion. Jason had always had these big, beautiful expressive eyes. Even when he was trying to play it cool, Tim could read everything there. He was an open book. 

And, God, Tim wanted to kiss him. 

He wanted to kiss him so hard that it knocked every bad memory out of his head. So good that he would never think of the accident again because any time he would look Tim's way he would think about that most perfect moment. So badly that he felt wounded by it, just another tally to the list of ongoing wounds that were caused by the accident, no matter how indirectly. 

But he didn't. He watched as Jason's eyes flicked between his. Wet and wide and waiting for the promise that Tim made so quickly. So easily. "I'm not going anywhere," he told him, Jason gripping tighter on his wrist as his face crumpled. "You can't lose me." He brushed the tear off of Jason's cheek and offered him a smile. It was small, but it was all he had to give him that wouldn't push them over a line they couldn't come back from. "It's not possible." 

A shaky sob punched out of Jason and he inched his way closer, tucking his face into Tim's neck as he rubbed Jason back and pushed his good hand into his hair. He held him as tightly as he could until the sobs turned to shaky breaths and eventually evened out. Only when he was sure that he was asleep did Tim allow himself a moment. He kissed the top of Jason's head, pressing his nose into his hair so that he could permanently catalog the smell of him. He took deep long breaths until his heart stopped hammering. Until the world stopped turning. Until all he could feel or think about was Jason and the warmth of his protection pulled him under.  

-

Jason was awake when he woke up the next morning, tucked into his neck. He had wormed his way half on top of him overnight, gripping tight to his shirt and his leg slung over his waist. Jason’s arm was wrapped around him, playing with his hair as he scrolled casually through stupid videos on low. Tim didn’t move, wanting to stay in the moment a little longer. He felt so warm and comfortable that he might have been able to force himself back to sleep if he tried hard enough, just to keep him there all day. But Jason had already caught him. 

“You gonna pretend to be asleep all day?” he asked without looking away from his phone. His voice was scratchy from crying the night before and it pooled pleasantly in his stomach. 

He huffed and snuggled closer to him, barely cracking his eyes open to look up at him before tucking further into his neck. 

“If you keep scratching my head like that, I’m never letting you leave” he grumbled.

Jason pulled him closer, and scratched a little deeper, pushing a groan out of Tim that hit the exposed stretch of the skin on Jason’s neck. He stiffened, fingers stopping and Tim opened his eyes, just catching the blood in Jason’s cheeks before his wide eyes darted down to look at him. He hadn’t realized just how close to each other they were. Or maybe he had, but he hadn’t let himself think about it that way until he could feel Jason’s breath against his lips. Tim’s heart jumped into his throat and his own cheeks burned. He swallowed when he saw that look in Jason’s eyes, the one he’d had for weeks now that he had yet to identify – like he needed to figure something out. And hope spiked in his stomach, unable to be squashed when he was literally in his arms. 

“Jay…” he barely managed to get out. Jason’s eyes darted down to Tim’s mouth and Tim just barely saw his adam’s apple bob before he leaned forward-

“OOOOOOH Here’s the story from A to Z, you wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully-” 

They shot apart as Tim scrambled to grab his phone off of the night stand and dropped it. He leaned halfway off of the bed Jason grumped at him as he held him around the waist as he fished it off the floor. His head rushed when Jason pulled him back up, falling back against his chest as he pulled him back up. "Hello?" He breathed into the phone before Roy started shouting through it. 

"Would you tell your doorman I'm not a crazy stranger?" 

Tim blinked and looked at Jason who was silently asking him who it was. Tim mouthed 'Roy' back at him as he listened to Roy fussing at the doorman again. Then is words registered again. "Wait, what. Are you here right now?" 

"Well yeah. Now come have Jay tell them to let me in." 

Chapter Text

Roy was a mess. He looked at the two bags hanging off his shoulder and two more in his hands along with the suitcase sitting next to his feet and wondered how he had made it on the flight. He took the suitcase and pulled it after him after freeing Roy from his prison. Which was just the doorman asking him in a calm voice to have a seat. 

"What are you doing here?" Jason asked. 

"My mom made me take a vacation. And I realized after our last call that I missed you." 

"Don't lie," Jason said. Roy laughed. 

"I do. I mean, I also want to see your eureka moment in person. But I did miss you." 

Jason rolled his eyes. "What happened to your promise not to interfere?" 

"I'm only here to observe." 

Jason realized as they walked through the door and Roy's bags spread out at his feet so he could squeeze Tim to death that he had bags. Here. With him. And Roy always stayed with Jason when he was visiting. 

"Did you get a hotel?" Jason asked. 

"No, I can stay with you right?" Roy shot Tim a puppydog look and he caved. He wasn't immune to Roy's face like Jason was. 

"You can sleep on the couch." 

"He can have the futon," Tim corrected. 

"Then where-" 

"You can share with me," Tim continued over Jason. Roy told Tim he was the best and grabbed his bags. He knew as soon as Roy grinned at him that he had done that on purpose. So much for not interfering. 

"It doesn't look like you slept in here," Roy whispered. "Did I miss it?" 

"We stayed up playing games," Jason said. "I fell asleep. That's it," he added when Roy looked like he was going to comment. 

He didn't want to talk about the night before. At least not with Roy. He wouldn't mind talking about it with Tim. Asking him if he'd read the look on his face that morning correctly. If it was okay that Jason had wanted to kiss him. But he couldn't ask that. He couldn't give Tim that hope when he still didn't know. Or did he know? He shook his head to clear his thoughts when Roy asked for breakfast. 

He spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon listening to Roy and Tim battle it out on the tv while he tried to organize his thoughts. Mostly trying to figure out if wanting to kiss Tim that morning was an anomaly or a sign that he did have romantic feelings. Then berating himself for making this so complicated. He loved Tim as a friend, as a person. He was always happiest around him and wanted to be with him most of the time. He wanted to text Tim first when things happened good or bad, and wanted Tim to do the same. He felt the most relaxed with Tim's weight against him, whether tucked under his arm as they walked or spread over him as they watched a movie on the couch. It didn't matter. And this morning an urge that he hadn't noticed before was there. But what if he kissed Tim and it was awful like the kiss with Roy was?

He hadn't made any progress beyond imagining what it would be like to kiss Tim in too many scenarios to be normal when they decided to go to a movie. Jason checked with Tim that he felt okay while Roy was showering before he faced Gotham. 

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Kind of bummed we'll have to sit in front." 

"We can sit in your seats. I know you'll hate sitting so far down."

"Are you suggesting to carry me? No. I'll just suffer through it." 

"You don't care when I do it here." 

"Because it's not in public. And the hospital doesn't count," Tim added when Jason opened his mouth. 

"It doesn't count, Timothy?" Jason asked with a grin. 

"Shut up. It doesn't."

Jason let it go, but knew that Tim was probably going to give in. He was right. Tim's face was buried in his chest even though there were only three people in the theater, as Jason carried him to the same seats they sat in any time they watched a movie. Roy was up front stashing Tim's chair under a curtain. 

"I can't wait until I can use crutches," Tim grumbled after Jason set him in the chair. Jason watched his bad mood melt as the seat reclined. 

"I wanna sit in the middle," Roy whisper-shouted from the end of the aisle. Jason plopped down next to Tim. "Hey." 

"Nope. I'm sitting here."

"Fine. But remember. Keep room for Jesus." 

Jason felt his face heat up as he glared at Roy who shoved a handful of Tim's popcorn in his mouth. He was grateful for the dim lighting. 

-

Jason stared at his reflection and tried to breathe out the nerves rattling around in his chest. He felt like he had in middle school when he'd slept at Roy's house for the first time. It was strange going through his routine for bed while knowing he wouldn't be climbing into his bed. It was stupid and he knew it. But when he stepped into Tim's room and he smiled at him the nerves ricocheted a little harder. 

"I'm not going to bite," Tim said when Jason tucked himself into the far side of Tim's bed. 

"I know that," Jason replied. He shook his head and rolled closer. "Maybe if I-" 

Jason manhandled Tim into a familiar sleeping position, one they'd watched many a movie in. Tim huffed a laugh that spread across Jason's neck. 

"Good now?" 

Jason nodded. Yeah. This was perfect. Tim moved to turn off his lamp before settling back down. Tim's breathing slowed. 

"Tim?" 

"Hm?" 

"Would you sleep like this with any of your other friends?" 

"Probably not," Tim answered. "Why?" 

"Just wondering." 

Tim hummed and drifted off. 

-

Jason pulled his jeans up and paused when his phone went off. He leaned forward to look at it. He heard a thump and looked over. Tim was in the doorway, his phone a few feet away from the wheel of his chair. He finished tugging his pants up and grabbed his phone. 

"You okay?" Jason asked. 

Tim swallowed. It looked like Jason was moving in slow motion as he watched his ass and dick catch on either side of his pants. He didn't know how it was physically possible for a person to have such perfect proportions. It was something out of a BL. Or a rom com. He was so lost trying to figure out the last time he had seen someone so caked that he didn't even realize Jason was talking to him until he set his phone in his lap and ducked down to catch his gaze. "Tim?" 

He blinked, rocking back in his chair like the inch of extra space would give him room to breathe again. His brain hadn't caught up yet and the aggressive blue of his eyes wasn't helping. "Huh?" 

Jason smirked, half of his teeth peeking out before his tongue ran over them and he repeated himself. "Are you okay?" 

He cleared his throat and forced a laugh, the sound making it easier to pry his eyes away from him. "Me? Yeah. Great. Good. Are you good?" Jason frowned at him but Roy, bless him, walked out of the office with a stretch and a yawn, saving Tim from the shame of Jason's next question. 

Roy came with them to Tim's doctor's appointment and cheered when the x-rays showed that the fracture in his arm had closed. Tim held Jason's hand as they pulled out the cast saw. He knew that it couldn't hurt him, but he still closed his eyes as it started up and the noise dimmed as it pressed against the gauze on his skin. His arm looked skinny and pale when they unwrapped it. Covered in dead skin and markings from where it had been pressed on by his cast. Jason rolled him over to the sink and he washed his hand, sighing in relief as he scrubbed it for the first time in over a month. He groaned as he itched it freely and the doctor chuckled telling him to start using it regularly but listen to his body if it started to hurt. 

He wheeled himself out of the hospital for the first time and grinned over his shoulder as Roy and Jason walked lazily behind him, taking pictures and a video to tease him with in the future. It wasn't a big victory, but as small as it was– it felt huge. To have this small freedom back. A sliver of independence. 

Stephanie called as soon as she got the picture to tell him that his arm looked shriveled and decrepit and she couldn't wait to touch his baby skin on Sunday. 

"Sunday?" Jason asked when Tim told her he'd see her then before hanging up. "Why are you seeing Steph Sunday? Are you going to Paris without me?" 

"You're kidding, right?" Tim laughed but when Jason just kept looking at him Tim blinked and looked at Roy. "Is he kidding?" 

"It's Dick's birthday, dude." Roy beamed at him, wrapping his arm over Jason's shoulders. He loved knowing things that Jason didn't. Over the years of watching them interact, Tim didn't think he'd ever seen Roy take more joy in anything. "The big 3-0. Why the hell do you think I'm wasting my vacation in Gotham?" 

Jason pushed him off in annoyance. "Why the hell didn't you say something?" He demanded and for some reason his face flamed red. 

They spent the rest of the day shopping for the perfect gift for Dick. For a man that loved everything he was given– he was kind of impossible to shop for. It was intimidating to give Dick gifts when he always found the perfect thing for everyone else. And ever since he had joined the family, Jason had been trying to top the one perfect thing he had already given him. 

"It's not fair." He groaned and pushed another useless knick knack to the side before turning to Tim. "I served him Bruce on a silver platter. How the fuck do I top that?" 

"You could buy him another kid?" Tim teased as he wheeled himself down the aisle, too happy to be mobile to catch Jason's bad mood. 

"They already have the cutest one," he grumbled, catching the back of Tim's chair to take them to the next shop. 

He didn't give up on finding a perfect gift until Sunday morning when he didn't have any more time. Tim woke up to his empty but still warm bed and shoved himself up and into his chair. He found Jason grumbling on the living room floor as he wrapped all the almost perfect gifts he had been forced to buy as a consolation. The bag he had them in was so heavy that it almost made Tim's leg uncomfortable as they made their way down to the garage, but the three of them and Jason's hoard of presents made it to Bruce and Dick's place unscathed. 

Dick found the obnoxious amount of gifts absolutely charming. He yanked Jason into the tightest hug possible and made Bruce carry them inside as he made his rounds to smother them all in affection. He hadn't changed at all since they were in school, except maybe he looked happier. It looked good on him. And it was infectious. 

Damian came waddle running into the entry way as they tumbled out of it, clinging to Jason as Stephanie came to claim Tim. She had brought her girlfriend back from Paris with her. A pretty redheaded girl named Beryl who wore large round glasses and smiled shyly as Stephanie shouted at Tim to check out how pretty she was. Damian came running up to Tim after he had finally had his fill of Jason who had fallen into a conversation with Bruce, Clark and his new wife, Lois. He climbed into Tim's lap without any hesitation demanding to be driven around in his "car". Tim excused himself and let Damian tell him where to go. 

They made their way into almost every conversation around the room, all of them laughing as Damian pretended to drive Tim around and Tim bumped them into a few walls to watch him freak out. He settled into his lap about half an hour after and by the time everyone was there, he was leaning against Tim, chubby cheek pressed into Tim's chest as he clutched onto his shirt and sleepily watched everyone around him. 

Tim parked himself by Diana and listened to her and Stephanie tell Lois about the newest exhibit that they were restoring. It was so comfortable here. The hum of noise around the room making him feel tired too. He played idly with Damian's hair and watched everyone smile and laugh with each other until he caught Jason's eye across the room. He was standing between Clark and Bruce. They were arguing about something stupid like always but it didn't seem like Jason was paying much attention. There was something about his expression that made Tim's heart skip– but maybe that wasn't the expression. No matter how many times he had reminded himself that week since Roy had arrived, Jason was not his boyfriend. But sleeping with him, breathing him in all night after he cared for Tim so thoroughly all day… it had blurred that line a little. He needed to straighten himself out. 

He smiled at him, looking down at Damian and then back up with a grin to tell him how cute he was when he wasn't telling him he was his arch nemesis. And Jason's mouth opened slightly, his eyes widening. Tim swallowed at the dryness in his throat and had to look away.

Tim smiled. 

He had smiled countless times before. Smiles in greeting, polite and fake. Sarcastic smiles, ones that looked more like sneers. He'd smiled as he cried and so many with laughter fueling their strength. He'd smiled in so many ways Jason didn't have words to name them all. But this smile. The one he'd directed at him as he held his baby nephew, after spending the entire day surrounded by his family… 

Tim smiled and Jason loved him. 

This was what he had been waiting for. What he'd been trying to figure out since Tim had confessed his feelings. This feeling filled him and showed him what he wanted. This life that they'd been living for the past week, weeks. He wanted to wake up with Tim's hair tickling his nose. Hear his whines when he wasn't careful enough as he got out of bed. He wanted to make him his breakfast the way he liked it, but never managed to make himself. To go shopping together. He had been looking for a purpose, for his future. It wasn't until that smile that he realized it was right in front of him. 

"Jay?" Bruce called, and he didn't think it was the first time. 

"Sorry," Jason said and looked between Clark and Bruce. "Damian's out. I'm going to help Tim put him to bed?" 

Bruce hummed. 

Jason shut the door behind them quietly. He helped Tim free himself from Damian's octopus arms and tucked him in. Jason took a breath. He turned and crouched. 

"You okay?" Tim asked. Jason nodded. He gripped the armrest. 

"I need you to listen and let me finish. Okay?" 

"Why wouldn't I let you finish?" Tim asked with a huff.

"Tim," Jason said. Tim rolled his eyes and agreed. 

"I was telling the truth when I told you I had never thought of you romantically." Tim flinched. "With the disaster with Steph and then all of the other shit that came out that summer you were my safe space. And I needed that." Tim pulled his hand from the armrest into his lap. He looked like he desperately wanted to say something but was going to stick to his promise. 

"You're my best friend and I've loved you since you held my hand as I burned those photos. But I didn't know I could be in love with you. I didn't know and even if maybe I shouldn't be I'm sorry for that. Because I hurt you. But I have spent so much time thinking about how I feel about you."

Tim didn't look like he was breathing. 

"I wanted to be sure. I couldn't risk hurting you again if I got it wrong. I didn't see it at first. There were moments that I wondered. I'd catch myself watching you spill half your ramen in your lap and wonder if I'd feel as warm and bright if it had been Roy that stained the couch. But I wasn't sure if that was love. So I kept thinking.

"I knew something was different. But it wasn't until tonight that I was sure. I looked at you and knew that I didn't just love you, though I think I always will. But I want all those people who think we're a couple to be right. I want to stop sleeping on that shitty futon and I want to buy a new couch cause it's time Tim. It's dead. But right now I really just want to kiss you because I'm in love with you and I really hope you still love me back cause fuck that would suck."

Tim's breath came out in tiny shakes, his hands trembling around Jason's that was so sure and strong and warm. "Is this real?" He barely choked out. Jason smiled at him, a smile he had never seen before and nodded "A-are you sure?" He asked, his voice breaking on the last word. He wasn't drugged up this time, he didn't have the warm courage that it gave him and he couldn't trust that this would just be okay. It was too important. His grip on Jason's hand was so hard that it made his newly healed wrist ache, but he couldn't let go. 

"I'm sure." Jason told him easily. His voice was steady and his gaze unshakable. 

"What if you change your mind?" 

"I won't change my mind." 

"What if you kiss me and you don't like it?" He whispered, all of his fears running through his head at full speed. 

"Then I'll keep kissing you until it gets better." Jason's eyes were so serious when he said it. Like he really had thought it through. Like his decision really was made and he wasn't changing his mind. He never did. He reached up with his free hand and cupped Tim's cheek, "I'm in love with you, Tim." Tim made a noise he didn't even know how to explain, halfway between a laughter and a sob. "Are you still in love with me?" He asked so softly he could barely hear it, his strong face dusted with pink as his own bravery started to wane. Tim nodded very slow and deliberately and Jason beamed so brightly at him that it was almost blinding. "Can… can I kiss you?" He nodded again and Jason leaned forward. Tim just felt the ghost of his lips graze against his own when Damian started screaming. 

They jolted apart, both of them entirely bewildered as they stared at Damian who was standing on his bed glaring at Tim. "Noo!" He shouted, his little fists clutched at his sides before he shuffled off the bed and rubbed his sleepy face into Jason's shirt. "Mine." He half cried into his brother's side, pushing at Tim's chair hard enough that it rolled back two feet. It would have been hard not to be impressed if he hadn't been so shocked. "Jay Jay is mine!" He yelled at Tim, only lifting his head high enough out of his shirt to glare at him. 

He barely had a second to process before Bruce knocked and opened the door, smiling at Tim's red face completely oblivious to what had just happened. He walked over to Damian and Jason and tried to talk his son out of his tantrum. It took a minute to get him to let go of Jason and let Bruce hold him. And as soon as he was off the floor, Jason grabbed the back of Tim's chair and rolled him out of the room. 

The party had become more full and loud since their quiet moment and there wasn't a single room or corner unused. Stephanie had wrapped herself around Dick's shoulders as he sat on the floor in front of the unwrapped painting she had made him of a bowl of fruit that was all smiling at the invisible camera. Jason wheeled them into the circle as other gifts made their way to the birthday boy. He leaned on the back of the chair and Tim was painfully aware of the heat of him on his back. He made comments on how subpar everyone's gifts were in Tim's ear and he leaned back, flushing every time he felt Jason's nose graze the side of his head. 

Jason stopped Roy on the way out of the apartment, leaving Tim just outside the door. He couldn't hear what they were saying but Roy jumped in delight and hugged Jason before he waved them off and made his way back inside. Tim raised an eyebrow in question as Jason came back to meet him. 

"Roy is staying here tonight,” he told him, his cheeks just pink enough that Tim didn't question it, his stomach flipping as Jason took him down to get settled in the car. 

The drive home was quiet with their confessions hanging so heavily between them. Tim swallowed so loudly when Jason lifted him out of the car that he saw him bite down on a smile to spare him his embarrassment. There was so much tension in the elevator that Tim almost couldn't breathe, but that was nothing compared to what it felt like back in the apartment. 

Tim rolled himself inside as Jason locked the door and placed the bag of food Dick had forced on them on the counter. They watched each other from across the room, waiting for one of them to say something to make this easier but it didn't come. Tim shook his head and let out a hard laugh. 

"This is ridiculous. We've been practically living together off and on for years… but now…" he clutched his chest not sure how to tell Jason that he'd felt he'd been running for hours. 

"Me too," Jason breathed, the smallest smirk on his lips and they just stood there smiling shyly at each other for a moment. 

"Should we… watch a movie?" Tim asked, desperately needing some sort of noise to soothe the silence. 

Jason jumped on it. "Movie. A movie is good." He agreed and he got busy setting everything up. He spent too much time popping popcorn and getting them drinks. Setting up snacks in little bowls while Tim flipped through the movies decidedly not putting on anything romantic. He didn't think he could handle any more of that kind of tension. They settled on the couch, Jason setting a pillow on the coffee table for Tim's leg so he could sit up. 

It felt unnatural. He couldn't remember the last time they had watched a movie and not been pulled on top of each other. They only got about fifteen minutes in before their arms brushed and they were both shooting blushing apologies at each other. "What is wrong with us?" Tim asked, his face so full of blood that he felt dizzy. "We do this every night…" 

"Damian really knows how to kill the mood, huh?" Jason laughed and Tim's heart hammered against his sore ribs until he groaned. 

"We just need to do this." Jason told him. "Rip off the bandaid." 

Tim nodded, barely breathing as he turned to face him. "You'll still love me if it's bad?" He asked, needing reassurance. 

Jason nodded, "I'm all in," he promised. "I'm not going anywhere." 

It was hard to get in a good position with Tim's leg sticking out. They moved around awkwardly until Tim's back was against the arm of the couch, leg along the back of the couch with Jason sitting angled toward him with Tim's other leg over his. Jason ran his hand down Tim's thigh leaving a fire in its wake and offered him a nervous smile. "Are you ready?" 

"So ready." He laughed breathlessly, grabbing the front of Jason's shirt and ripping off the bandaid. 

Jason's lips were softer than he had expected. He'd been a religious chapstick user when they were kids, but after Tim told him how it ruined your lips he'd suffered a year to get off of it. Tim had spent that year watching his mouth wondering how the fuck chapped lips could be so hot– but he couldn't say he was sad they'd been rehabbed. The first kiss was short, sweet. Perfect. Just a quick press against each other that had his heart jumping into his throat. They pulled back, just enough to look at each other, gauging the others reaction before Tim pulled him in again and they melted into each other. 

Their lips didn't press together, they folded into each other and Tim turned his head, pulling harder on Jason's shirt making him laugh before he pulled Tim closer. He'd always loved when Jason would move him around. The way his muscles would flex under his hands and how carefully he treated him even before the accident. It made him feel special. Jason had always been so brash with everyone else, but Tim was different. And maybe this was why. He held onto Tim's waist as Tim's hand moved from his shirt to the back of his neck, twisting easily into his hair. He was lightheaded but unwilling to move away, licking quickly, testingly, into Jason's mouth before he pulled back and they watched each other with wide and wild eyes. 

"Well?" Tim breathed, his lips still burning as he searched for any sign of regret. "Was it awful?" 

"Terrible," Jason muttered and kissed Tim again before he could take him seriously. He smiled when they parted again. Kissing Tim simultaneously felt the same and different than anyone he'd kissed before. It didn't feel weird like kissing Roy had felt. But it didn't feel like a normal kiss from any of the girls he'd dated either. He caught another quick kiss, trying to figure out what was different about it. Tim laughed and pulled him back into another string of kisses that got deeper with each second. He hadn't simply made out with anyone since high school, but beyond Tim's hand moving into his hair to tilt his head the way he wanted and Jason's hand resting on Tim's thigh they barely touched. 

"I'm going to have a hard time watching movies with you after this," Tim mumbled. Jason nodded. He ran his hand through Tim's hair as he looked at him, his eyes were hazy like they got when he was fighting sleep, but there was a heat to them Jason hadn’t seen before, his lips were red and swollen. Jason licked his own, numb, and watched Tim's eyes drop down and the heat rise in them. But he didn't kiss him again. He just let Jason look at him. At least for a few minutes. "What are you thinking?" 

"I'm just thinking about you," he answered. He didn't yet have words to explain the thoughts flitting around. 

"Good things?" 

Jason nodded and kissed Tim's forehead. "I promise if I ever," Jason paused. "If I ever feel weird about anything, I'll tell you. But so far so good." 

"Alright," Tim agreed, his eyes closed as he pressed into Jason's hand on his cheek. 

Chapter Text

Jason woke up to Tim's hand pushing too high on his thigh. He flinched and Tim snapped his hand back. He was awkwardly hovering over him. Jason blinked a couple times realizing he was trying to climb over him. 

"Sorry, I almost fell," Tim said, shifting slightly. Jason helped Tim off the couch and stretched. When Tim rolled back into the room Jason was mostly awake and stood. 

"What flavor do you want?" 

Their morning went as all their other mornings went. He ate and slowly his mind came into focus and he answered Tim's questions with more than a single word. Jason hadn’t been in many relationships, none had gotten anywhere near the living together phase. But this was Tim. It felt right. Normal. 

"Do you want to go on a date?" Jason asked as he washed their dishes. He was ignoring the fact that Tim was obviously replying to work emails. 

"Huh?" Tim asked, head jerking up to look at him. 

"A date. Do you want to go on one? Like out to dinner, or something." 

"Do you want to?" Tim asked. 

"Yeah," Jason replied. "I know we've already told each other we loved each other, but we should at least go on a date if we're going to be in a relationship, don't you think?" 

"Okay," Tim answered, his face slowly breaking into a smile. Jason turned back to the sink, his own smile growing as his heart jumped in his chest. 

Roy got back, congratulated them almost immediately. Jason came clean as Roy went into the other room to answer a phone call from his mom. He was expecting Tim to be angry, but Tim just hummed and looked at him for a long moment. 

"You really did think about it." 

"I told you, I wanted to be sure." 

"I don't think I've seen you take this long to decide on something." 

"You're more important than a job," Jason replied with an eye roll.

"I just didn't expect this at all," Tim said. "It's a nice surprise." Jason leaned forward and kissed Tim. Because he wanted to, and could. Tim hummed. "Very nice surprise." 

-

Jason ran pomade through his hair and poked at it until the mess looked purposeful. He looked at himself in the mirror. He'd chosen a black button up with crimson stitching and dark wash jeans. Simple, but nicer than anything he'd normally wear. It had been a while since he'd worn the shirt and it was tighter in the shoulders than he remembered. His scar stood out in the stark light of the bathroom. He itched to cover it. 

"Holy shit," Tim breathed. Jason turned to look at him sitting in the bathroom's doorway. The same look that he'd had on his face when he'd caught him changing the other day was there again. "I should have worn the other shirt." Tim was in a green and yellow striped shirt and trousers. Somehow Tim had managed to get them on over his cast. 

"I think you look great." 

"Not like you. Jeez Jay. You look-" Tim stopped and took a breath. He smiled, excitement shining in his eyes. "Are you ready?" 

"Yeah, I think so."

Jason had planned everything. Something Tim had seemed surprised by. Jason thought there would be more questions, Tim didn't love surprises, but there weren't any. It had rained earlier that morning, which had Jason frowning as he'd looked out the window. But the rain had pushed away some of the heat that had been hanging around and left the air smelling of petrichor. 

Tim looked around as Jason opened the car door. He held his arms up when Jason stepped up and wrapped them around his neck as Jason moved him into his chair. He watched him shift until he was comfortable and handed him a jacket. 

"I know what's over here," Tim said, tilting his head to look back at Jason. "You said you weren't ever coming back." 

"I know it's your favorite," Jason said. "I've seen the take out boxes." 

"I thought I'd hid them so well. It really has sucked not having any since you moved in," Tim said with a smile.

"They have an outdoor patio now," Jason said. 

"Really?" Tim asked, humming as they turned down the street. They pushed in, Jason lifting Tim's chair through the high bump in the door. He frowned at it as they stepped up to the host. Jason had a reservation and they were guided through to the faintly lit patio. There were heaters on the edges pushing away the faint chill in the air. But Jason's attention was on the bay. Tim tapped his hand when he had stopped. Tim transferred into the chair instead of staying in his wheelchair. Jason folded it and slid it behind him before taking his seat. Tim was looking out at the water. 

"I loved visiting you here," Tim said. "You'd take your break and we'd just stand out here talking about our days. And I always left with way too much food." 

"I used my meals on you," Jason said. "You never ate. I had to get food in you somehow." 

Tim laughed then reached out and took Jason's hand. Jason stared at their hands for a few seconds before rubbing his thumb along Tim's knuckles. 

Tim told Jason he could order a drink when the waiter asked, but Jason shook his head. He was nervous enough that he knew he'd drink too much too quickly. And the idea of driving Tim with anything in his system twisted his stomach in a knot. 

Tim went through his many options, debating crab or tuna. Jason ordered the calamari when Tim whined about that as well. They ended up with 4 rolls on their table between them. He'd watched Tim eat more than this on his own at an all you could eat lunch when they were in high school. Tim hummed when he tried their special. Then waved Jason forward and held out a second piece to him. 

"Try this." 

Jason took the bite. The sauce was sweeter than he'd expected, but the afterburn was pleasant. He mumbled that it was good as he chewed. Tim smiled and took another bite. They ate, talked about old memories that they both knew too well, and as they waited for the dessert Tim had ordered to come out about how warm the winter had been. Jason didn't know how Tim could eat anymore, but he did. And he made Jason try a bite. Jason fell back against his seat stuffed as he licked the cream off his lip. 

"How are you so small and eat so much?" 

"It's a gift," Tim said. He closed his eyes as he licked chocolate off a spoon. Jason watched him finish the last few bites with a smile. "What? Do I have something on my face?" 

"No," Jason said. "You look happy." 

Tim smiled, tops of his cheeks turning pink. "I am." 

When they were done, Jason turned away from their car. Tim looked up at him, but settled with the jacket draped over him content to let Jason push him to their next destination. Jason could hear the music drifting down the street as they got closer. Tim sat up as they turned into the small park. There was a stage set up near the water. Booths and tables filled most of the space. There were more people than Jason had expected, but they were able to find a table and settle. 

Tim grabbed his hand again halfway through the singer's set. Jason moved closer and kissed Tim's cheek. 

It was the best first date he'd ever been on. No awkward pauses or worries if the other person was having a good time. Just a lot of laughing and talking about all the times they could have been doing this before and how maybe they had been without realizing. He almost felt sad to be going home, or he would have if Jason hadn't closed the door and locked it behind them like he did every night. 

Tim watched him from the bed through the open bathroom door as Jason washed his face and carefully applied moisture under his eyes and on his forehead. "Hey Jay?" He asked, sitting up on his elbows. He didn't look away from the mirror as he grunted in response. Tim grinned at him. "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

Jason turned to looked at him with an incredulous expression. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He demanded as he wiped his hands in the towel next to the sink and walked out of the bathroom, hitting the lights before he closed the door. "We already are boyfriends." 

Tim's brows knitted together. "Kind of. But not technically." He argued. 

Jason scoffed and turned off the overhead light before he climbed into bed with him. "We've said I love you. I fucking live with you. I'm sleeping in your bed." Jason deadpanned as he ticked off all the reasons on his fingers. "What else would you call this?"

"I have to ask, and you have to say yes or else it doesn't count," Tim told him stubbornly, shifting onto his side so he could stare him down. 

Jason rolled his eyes. "It just feels silly, you know?" He smirked at him, looking so hot in the back lit shadows on the lamp that Tim almost gave in. But he pressed his lips together and waited. Jason tucked a stray hair behind his ear. "We are more than that,” he muttered. But when Tim still didn't say anything he groaned and flopped onto his back staring up at the ceiling annoyed. "Yes, I want to be your boyfriend," he finally relented and Tim beamed as he snuggled into his side. 

"Good." He yawned and shoved his face into Jason's neck as he wrapped around him. "If you said no, I would have hit you with another bus." 

Jason's laugh was so shocked and loud that the upstairs neighbor stomped to tell them to shut up. 

-

Tim wasn't sure he had ever been so happy. Every day he had spent with Jason since they were kids had been fun. He didn't think he'd ever left a hang out with Jason and not felt like every second was worth something more. Even when they were fighting. His skin would tingle with the electric thrum of each chaste touch he'd offered. A squeeze of his shoulder, a tug on his jacket, the graze of the back of his hand on the back of his. Those small touches had fed something in his soul, kept him pushing forward. Nourished his fragile heart. 

There had been a small part of him that had been worried dating Jason might take that away. Dim the glow it left on him. But that had been a pointless worry. Jason's touches were free now, and there wasn't a time he walked by without reaching out to him. Brushing his hand over his back, pushing the hair out of his face, running his fingers down his arm as he used the grip strengthener that the doctor had given him. The after burn was so poignant that it was chilling. And Jason loved how much it affected him. 

Tim had never had someone kiss him just to kiss him before. It was always a build up, a push for something more. But Jason couldn't get enough of it. Like it was his favorite feeling, like he could do just that forever and it would be okay. Kissing Jason felt different than kissing anyone else. Better. It felt better than kissing anyone else. It had been two weeks of them officially being together and they were halfway through a movie they'd had to restart without watching a single frame. The doctors had told him that his ribs were almost healed the day before and they had given him a new below the knee cast. It only felt right to celebrate the new function of his knee by sitting in Jason's lap. 

He's had Jason's shirt off before he even kissed him, loving the way his smile shifted a little self consciously. But it didn't last. It melted away as Tim's hands slid down his chest, his arms, up his neck into his hair and around his waist. He gasped for air when Tim sucked on his bottom lip, gripping at Tim's ass and shifting him forward. He ground against Jason, head dropping to his chest as he groaned loudly in surprise. 

He flushed, eyes darting back up to Jason but there wasn't a thought in his dilated eyes. Just want. Molten want. He kissed Tim again, almost stealing the rest of his air before he rolled against Tim again and he gasped out in pleasure. 

Jason smirked at him, a dangerously cocky look that was usually followed by something that would male the hair on Tim's arms stand up–But the knock on the front door had them both jump as Stephanie’s voice came through the door. “Timmy!” 

“Shit…” Tim muttered and looked at Jason’s wide eyes, his hands frozen on Tim’s waist. “Where are we at with…?” he nodded between the two of them and Jason let out a loose shaky breath. 

“B needs to know first.” 

Tim agreed. He nodded and struggled to climb off of Jason, his hands helping guide him carefully and swiftly to his crutches, refusing to let go until he knew that he was steady. He grabbed his shirt and threw it on, straightening the couch as Tim hobbled over to the door, shouting for Stephanie to hang on. He looked at Jason with his hand on the lock, noting his swollen mouth as he ran his hands through his hair to tame it. But that wasn’t the tell that he was worried about. Tim bit his bottom lip as his eyes slid down to the lump in Jason’s jeans and his face ignited. He hissed at Tim to shut up as he sat down and pulled a pillow into his lap. 

Stephanie looked put out when Tim opened the door, but it melted away when she noticed he wasn’t in a chair. She grinned so wide it looked painful and rushed to hug him, apologizing when he stumbled back slightly, his balance still not great. 

“Hey, careful,” Jason barked at her from the couch. His eyes were hard and he was gripping the back of the couch like he would bolt over it if he needed too. Stephanie just glared at him. 

“Shouldn’t you be the one answering the door?” she asked him instead of acknowledging him. “Timmy is on crutches. He should be resting.” 

“I rest enough,” Tim said before they could start bickering. He ducked his head and caught Stephanie’s eye before she could say something rude. “The doctor thinks I should be doing more. I’ve rested, now I need to get my body back in shape for what comes after.” He ignored the small flip in his stomach as he thought of what he and Jason could do when he didn’t have to nurse him anymore. He had to swallow, focus hard on that action, to keep the heat of that thought from making his eyes boil as he looked at him. “What are you doing here?” He asked Stephanie instead. “I thought you wanted to show Beryl around the city?”

“I do, but Dad claimed her first.” She rolled her eyes and stalked over to the couch. She sat as far away from Jason as she could, but she said the next part mostly to him. Because he had lived with Dick too. He could commiserate. “He took her out to brunch, just the two of them. Apparently they need to bond or whatever. I’m worried she won’t want to date me anymore once he’s done with her.” 

“Dick is harmless.” Jason waved off her worry, and Tim saw her relax slightly despite herself. “It’s Bruce you have to worry about. He’s bad at talking.” 

She sighed, “I need to not think about it. I figured I could come here and kidnap Tim–” 

“I’m going too,” Jason warned her.  

She glared at him. “He’s not a little kid, Jay.” 

“What if he needs help?” Jason asked her. “Can you get him up if he falls? Carry him if something goes wrong.”

“God, what is your deal?” She hissed at him, sitting a little forward. “You get Tim all of the time! He’s my best friend. You ever think that maybe he’s sick of being around you? That he might want a break!”

“Steph, stop it!” Tim snapped at her before he could stop himself. But he couldn’t help it. He didn’t like the way she talked to Jason. Even with their complicated past, they were family and Tim loved him. He couldn’t just sit there and let her take out her frustration on him. “I want Jay to come, okay?” He said, trying to seem more earnest than angry. He tried not to look too directly at the hurt look she gave him. He really hoped that she didn’t push him to take sides. He had a feeling that she wouldn’t like the one he picked. “I don’t care what we do. But Jason is coming.” There. He liked it better without the question. 

He could see the tantrum that wanted to boil out of her as her bottom lip jutted out but she huffed out a sigh instead. “Fine. But I choose where we are going.” She declared and shot to her feet, waiting impatiently for Jason to do the same.

"I need to change," Jason said. He looked at Tim as he circled around the couch, but Stephanie had physically pulled his attention to her. He tossed the pillow over the back of the couch and headed to Tim's office. He was grateful for once that he'd left his clothes in the tiny closet. Tim told him to move some stuff into his room any time he complained, which was most mornings when he had to cross the apartment to get dressed. He kicked his sweats onto the futon and pulled on a pair of jeans before grabbing his Gotham University hoodie. Tim had sent it to him when he was in Washington. 

As he pulled it over his head, he paused. He'd worn it for weeks after he'd gotten it- around the house, to class, to parties. Roy had given him shit about washing it, but it had helped him feel a little less homesick. He touched the fading letters. He still wore it way too much. Maybe Roy had been right and it had taken him too long to notice. 

"You get lost?" Tim asked. Jason turned. He was on his crutches looking more stable than he had in weeks. His doctor's were impressed with his progress, always praising him and sending Tim into a blushing fit. He shouldn't have snapped at Stephanie. 

"I don't have to go," he said. "I panicked." 

Tim walked forward. He grabbed both of the strings on his hoodie. "I want you to go. Not because I'll need your help, but I just want to be with you. And she's going to have to get used to sharing me." Tim pulled and kissed him once he was close enough. It was too quick and only made Jason want to leave with Stephanie less. "Now come on." 

Stephanie stepped out of the bathroom as they walked out. Her smile was one Jason was too familiar with. Sometimes he wondered if he was just reading too much into the way her mouth curved in an almost snarl as she smiled at him. Then she'd turn to Tim and the smile would morph into something truly pleased and he'd be reminded that she hated him. It didn't used to be like this. But when she'd moved away something had changed. Or maybe Jason just noticed it more now. 

Jason moved to help Tim out of the car, but Stephanie was already on that side joking with him as he steadied himself on the crutches. Jason locked the car and joined him, letting them walk ahead of him. He missed when the three of them were in high school. Stephanie forcing her way between him and Tim as they walked down the hall. She used to hang off them both, sliding her arms in theirs on good days. Or walking backwards in front of them on bad days when he could practically feel the edges of her personal space. Now she pushed him away. 

They ended up at a painting studio. Tim pulled Jason next to him at the table so Stephanie settled across from them with an unhappy pout. Jason was grateful she hadn't said anything. Tim looked over to him from behind his easel. He made a face and Jason smiled. Stephanie still dominated the conversation. But Tim dragged him into it with a couple brief frowns. 

"Do you remember not another teen movie?" Jason whispered to Tim nodding at his painting. 

"Yes?" Tim looked back at his painting then snapped back to Jason. "Oh fuck you. It's hard to hold the brushes. I'm going to give it to you and force you to stare at it until you take your mean comment back." 

"I stand by it," Jason said. Tim huffed and went back to his painting. He looked like he was trying a little harder. 

"What are you talking about?" Stephanie asked. 

"Jason was complimenting my art skills," Tim said with a grin.

"When did you get those?" Stephanie asked. Tim affected a pained gasp and told them both that they could suck his dick. Stephanie laughed and said 'no thank you'. Jason focused on the cloud in the corner of his landscape that didn't look quite right. He was still working his way up to thinking about that. He felt like maybe he was overthinking it. But Tim didn’t seem to mind that their makeouts were just that, and Jason was pretty pleased with them. 

Stephanie dragged them to a diner after they finished. Jason had his and Tim's paintings in a bag under his arm. He spent the walk thinking about where to hang it. He was already planning on making a big deal about it. Jason stepped forward and pulled the door open when they reached the diner. 

"What a gentleman," Tim joked, eyes flitting up to meet his. He bowed with a smirk. Stephanie stalked in after Tim, her frown dimming his mood. 

Jason was poking at the last few bits of food on his plate when Tim went to the restroom. 

"Whatever you're doing. Stop it." Jason put his fork down immediately before looking at Stephanie. "Not that," she hissed. "With Tim. All that flirty bullshit. Stop it."

"I'm not doing anything," Jason told her. 

"No, see, I know what you flirting looks like. How you haven't gotten any better at it is mind boggling, but you need to stop it. Tim doesn't need you messing with him now." 

"I'm not messing with him. And what do you know about what he needs right now? You barely even talk to him." 

"I talk to him," Stephanie snapped. 

"You talk at him. Your texts are all about you. Do you ever ask him how therapy went? Or what he did that day?" 

"How do you know?" Stephanie ignored his questions because she knew that she didn't. 

"Because I fucking live with him and I talk to him. You keep trying to shove that he's your best friend in my face, but you're not his anymore." 

Stephanie stared at him. She turned away from him and when Tim walked out of the bathroom she jumped up. 

"Jason said he wants to go home. So why don't we let him pay and go-" 

"I'm pretty exhausted. I think I'll go home with him," Tim said and Stephanie's eyes flashed. 

"Fine!" she leaned into the booth to grab her bag. "Fuck you," she snapped at him and stormed out. Tim stared after her and after a couple seconds sat down next to Jason. 

"What just happened?" 

"She told me not to flirt with you and I told her she wasn't your best friend anymore. Really grown up conversation you missed." 

Tim checked that he wasn't joking before letting out a single laugh. "How long is she in town for?" Tim asked. 

"Two weeks." 

"Ugh. Now I really want to go home." 

-

"I convinced B to come over for dinner tomorrow," Jason said. "Steph and Beryl are taking Damian to a museum. So it'll just be us and them." 

Tim looked away from his phone then back to it. "You're really ready?" 

"Yeah. It's not like I'm afraid that my brother and his husband are suddenly going to disown me. And it's you. I don't think I could bring home anyone that they'd love more than you." He looked at Tim. "Are you ready?" 

"I told my mom this morning. She told me she thought we'd been hiding our relationship from her. And then started talking about how apparently obvious my crush on you was to her. It was mortifying." 

"I'm still amazed that you liked me back then." 

"You have no idea how pretty you were. I remember when you first talked to me, oh man. I already suspected I liked boys, but that totally confirmed it for me." 

"Am I not pretty any more?" Jason asked, rolling on his side to face Tim. 

"Pretty isn't the right word anymore. Baby gay Tim would die if he was here right now." Jason hummed as Tim trailed his hand up his arm and over his shoulder. His thumb brushed over his lips and along his scar before sliding into his hair. "Just melt into a horny little puddle."

Jason kissed him. He couldn't not. When a yawn broke them apart Tim settled back on his pillow, but didn't untangle their legs as they faced each other.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked, a soft curiosity bringing the question forward. Tim leaned his shoulder back so he was looking at the ceiling. Jason caught his hand, keeping him there with him. 

"At first," Tim said softly. "you were so into Stephanie and Diana, and Barbara and like so many beautiful women. And then you were too important to me to risk it. What if you didn't want to be friends with me anymore?" 

"I'm sorry," Jason said even though Tim had told him again and again to not apologize. He made a face at him. 

"Then I was actively trying to get over you. But I just kept comparing them to you. And no one ever felt right like you do. I think, even if the accident hadn't happened it would have come out soon. It was getting too big to hold back." 

"Well I'm glad you did," he said and pulled Tim the rest of the way against him. 

"Me too." 

Chapter Text

"Waffles?" Bruce asked as soon as he stepped in the door. 

"Tell Tim and Jason hello before demanding food," Dick admonished with a nudge to Bruce's back. 

"I wasn't - ow - hi guys." Bruce rubbed his arm as he walked further in. 

"Hi, Jay's in the kitchen complaining about my waffle maker," Tim told Bruce. 

"It doesn't have a light. What kind of waffle maker-" Bruce raised an eyebrow as he walked into the kitchen. Jason knew that he knew something was going on. Waffles were special. 

"Neither of you are dying right?" Bruce asked, sneaking a piece of bacon from the pile on the plate. Jason shook his head. "Okay," he mumbled while chewing. 

Getting dinner started was chaos. He hadn't made enough eggs, and so he had to make more. But no matter how much he insisted that they just eat, they waited. Dick told them about his newest class. Tim talked about getting his cast off next month. He looked over to Jason and he focused back on the eggs. That morning the doctor had cleared Tim for moderate activity as long as he still favored his leg. The knowing look in the doctor's eyes as Tim clarified what moderate meant had Jason staring at his lap for the rest of the appointment. 

"It's been forever since we've done breakfast for dinner. I'm trying to spare Damian from his father's obsession with waffles, but he would have loved eating these. We could have gotten everybody together since Steph's in town for a couple more days," Dick said in a lull in conversation. Jason looked over to Tim then to Bruce. 

"Actually, we just wanted to talk to you two about something." 

"You look like you're about to tell us Tim's pregnant," Dick joked. Jason's eyes snapped up to him. Then over to Bruce. 

"If it were biologically possible you wouldn't be too far off," Tim said and Jason turned to stare at him. He hadn't even seen his dick yet at least not in that sense. He was pretty sure Dick was way off. 

"Oh shit." Dick grabbed Bruce's wrist. His eyes went wide as he looked at him then back to Jason and Tim. "I was joking, but are you guys together?" 

"Uh, yeah," Jason answered with a nod. 

"Dick's birthday party," Bruce said and when Jason looked over to him with a confused tilt to his head he turned to Dick. "Pay up." 

"Ugh. This is not how this was supposed to go," Jason whined. "You bet on us?" 

"We've had a small bet since you dropped out. A teensy tiny one." 

"About us?" Tim asked. He turned to Jason and frowned. "Did everyone know about my crush except you?" 

"We didn't know," Dick said. "Although if I think about it at all, I see it."

"When I asked Jay why he moved back he said he missed you. He complained a lot about Seattle, but you were the first reason," Bruce said with a shrug. 

"I thought Bruce was reading too much into it. So the bet was born. I didn't really change my mind until last summer." 

"What happened last summer?" Tim asked. 

"You went to London with that blond boy," Dick answered. "I think Jason made waffles every day that week. And his phone was practically glued to his hand." 

Jason stared at his plate. He remembered that. He'd been upset that Tim was going on the trip that they'd planned when they were in school. Then Dick had made it so much worse by joking that a trip abroad was pretty serious and he bet that Tim came back engaged. Jason had spent the rest of the week Tim was away waiting for the text.

"Am I just dumb?" Jason asked. 

"A little bit," Tim said and pat his hand. "But you're pretty so it's okay." 

"Well, yeah," Jason said. He felt like he needed too. "I guess this is already out there, but Tim and I are together. We wanted to tell you first, for the most part." 

"Roy knows, and my mom," Tim added. 

"When are you telling Stephanie?" Dick asked. 

"We don't know yet," Tim answered. They'd talked about it and Tim hadn't appreciated what Jason had said. He hadn't answered any of Stephanie's texts since either. 

"Preferably when an ocean is between us," Jason joked. "But uh, will you let us tell her?"

"Yeah, I don't want any part of that," Dick said. 

Bruce bumped into him at the sink, Dick and Tim had moved into the living room. Jason hated cleaning dried syrup, so he'd given in to washing them now. Jason moved over and let Bruce take the clean plates from him. 

"You look settled," Bruce said with a soft smile. Jason answered it with one of his own. "I was worried I'd never see you find your place. But I'm glad you did." 

"Does that mean you're going to stop harping on me getting a job?" 

"No, but maybe I'll lighten up a little." Bruce put the plates away. They were out of order by Jason could fix that later. "What are you going to do when Tim goes back to work?" 

"I don't know," Jason answered. Bruce hummed and pushed him with a hand on his shoulder into the living room. 

-

Jason hummed as he slid his nose behind Tim's ear, taking a deep breath. The new shampoo Tim was using smelled so good. Tim shifted back into his arm, his phone clacking as he set it down on the bedside table. He hummed and held onto Jason's arms for a few seconds before turning. There was a brightness to his eyes that he was expecting. 

"I want to do something for you," Tim said and kissed him. "A thank you for all you've done." Tim kissed him again before Jason could dispute it. The kiss lingered. Jason relaxed into it. Tim's hands slid up under his sleep shirt spread across his back and down again. He hummed his welcome of the easy touch. 

"Roll over." 

"Why?" 

Tim pushed the blankets down and Jason rolled onto his back as Tim's hands prodded at him. He got his answer when Tim popped the waistband on his lounge pants. 

"Yeah, okay," Jason agreed when Tim sat over his thighs and just looked at him. He was clearly waiting for an answer to a question he hadn't actually asked. Or at least Jason didn't think he had. But his brain was suddenly very focused on the fact that Tim was touching his dick. 

"I've thought about this for so long," Tim said as he stroked him through the fabric. Jason shifted, he wanted his hand on him. Skin to skin. Tim smirked up at him. "Aren't you going to ask me what I thought about?" 

"Wh-what did you think about?" he asked, Tim kissed his stomach. His tongue slid out and dragged down to the elastic. 

"I thought about blowing you in the exit hall at work. I was sure you'd make it count."

"At the theater?" He asked. Tim nodded, pulling the band down. "I'd have come so fast. No one else had touched me before."

"You'd had girlfriends," Tim said. 

"We'd only kissed."

"I could have been your first?" Tim asked. His eyes were wide as they looked up at him. 

"You'll still be my first," he offered. Tim looked back down, licking his lips. Jason swallowed thickly. 

"Shit," he breathed when Tim licked a stripe up his dick without warning. It twitched and Tim kissed the tip before wrapping his fingers around him. He bit his lip. 

"I'll make it good for you. But none of that." Tim pulled his lip from between his teeth. "Make noise for me." 

Jason had had mind blowing blowjobs before. He'd come so hard he was pretty sure he'd blacked out once. But as the grunts and moans slipped from his lips he was sure that Tim's tongue was somehow directly connected to every pleasure center in his body because he felt like he was burning up from the inside. He didn't know how long it had been. Tim's lips were red and slick when he pulled off to breathe. Jason forgot to breathe when he grinned and sucked him back in. 

"I'm close," he warned. Tim nodded slightly, but kept moving, pumping him quicker. Jason cursed and his hips bucked. "Tim, Tim," he chanted. He was so close. "Mhmm." He bit his lip as he came down Tim's throat. He swallowed, and Jason grunted. Tim pulled off, wiped his mouth and shifted onto his side. Jason turned to face him. 

He looked down at the tent in Tim's shorts. It would be easy to reach out. To touch, to taste. But how could he follow that? He'd fumble through what was likely the worst orgasm of Tim's life and-

"It's okay," Tim said softly. Jason's eyes flew up to meet Tim's. "I can-" Tim slid his hand into his own shorts and jerked himself off. Jason stared at the movement of his hand for a few moments before Tim moaned and he was pulled back to his mouth. He leaned forward and kissed him. He could taste himself, but just deepened the kiss. Tim came, moaning against his cheek. Jason looked down as Tim pulled his hand out. Tim wiped his hand off on a couple tissues and settled back against Jason's side. They kissed for a while before Tim fell asleep. Jason stared at the ceiling feeling like he'd let Tim down. Sleep didn't come to him for a while. 

Tim didn’t know how long he laid there pretending to be asleep as he stared at the bedroom wall. He managed to keep his breathing steady and kept his shoulders from tensing up to his ears. He couldn’t let his eyes close. Every time he tried he would get a flash of Jason’s eyes as he looked down at Tim’s erection. The look of fear– panic, and something else that he was desperately trying to convince himself wasn’t disgust. He kept trying to think of the last time he had seen Jason look at anything like that. He knew he had seen it before. The mix of emotions standing out against a blurry background that Tim couldn't recall. No matter how long he stared into the dark room, counting the spackle spots in the wall. 

It was four by the time Jason's soft snore filled the room. Tim waited a few minutes more before carefully extracting himself from the covers and hopping lightly across the room to where his crutches were laying against the wall. He didn't use them until the bedroom door was shut behind him and he was sure the pressure on the metal joints squeaking with every step wouldn't wake him. For a moment Tim just stood there in the middle of the apartment, standing in his underwear on the small strip of carpet between the kitchen and living room. The door was right in front of him. His urge to get out before the dred weighed him down was overwhelming. 

But where would he go? This was his apartment. Jason was in his bed. Who else was he supposed to call? Who could he talk to that–

"Tim?" Stephanie asked through a yawn as he leaned against the counter trying to keep the hollow part of his chest small enough that he could still breathe. "It's like… Jesus fuck, it's like 4 in the morning. What's wrong?" She demanded instantly alert. 

A small bit of relief nudged the ache when she said the time. "Are you still in town?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He looked back at the bedroom door, but it stayed shut and the light stayed off. 

"Yeah, we don't fly back 'til Friday. What the hell is going on?" 

Tim clenched his phone wondering how pathetic he would sound if he told her. If she would hate him for it. When they were kids and he blurted out to his best friend that he was in love with her boyfriend, she had immediately broken up with him. Immediately taken Tim's side. Immediately fed into his crush with teasing smiles, forcing them together any chance she could— but now… now whenever she saw Tim with Jason she lost it. She aways directed that anger at Jason, but once Tim told her… "Can you come over?" 

"Tim, tell me what the hell is going on." She huffed but he could hear her struggling into her pants and a door shutting behind her. 

"I'll tell you when you get here," he promised. 

"Nope, fuck that," she hissed back just as quietly. "Tell me." 

Tim swallowed and looked at the door again. "It's about Jason," he admitted, pawing at his face like keeping his eyes shut would keep him from hearing the silence on the line. He swallowed as his words caught. Fuck. He couldn't do this. It was a mistake. He was reading too much into this. Stephanie would never talk to him again– 

"What did that fuck do?" She snapped. 

Oh fuck. This was a horrible fucking idea. 

"He didn't do anything Steph-" 

"Then why the fuck do you sound like that?" Her voice was normal now. She must be leaving Bruce and Dick's place. It was only ten minutes away. 

"I-it's me." He swallowed, his voice thick. "I did it. And I fucked everything up. And now I don't know what to do. What if he doesn't actually like me? What if we tried and now he knows that he's not attracted to me and we can't even be friends anymore?" He just barely caught the sob that wanted to roll out of him. 

"Tim… what are you saying?" 

And he told her. He told her everything. He told her about his drugged up confession, about how Jason had told him he didn't feel the same. His change of heart. Jason's confession back– and how perfect he had been, how amazing he had made Tim feel until just hours ago when he looked at Tim with the same face that he had shown Stephanie after she told them about her father. 

By the time that he finished he heard a tiny knock on the front door, so small that he waited for it to come again before he hobbled over to let Stephanie in. She launched herself at him so hard that they almost toppled over before Tim could get his balance and hug her back just as hard as she held him. This wasn't the reaction that he expected. He hadn't prepared for this. 

So he just hugged her tight until she whispered, "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch," and pulled back to look at him. Her face was red and her eyes were pleading. "I could feel myself doing it and I couldn't stop. But Jason… he told me that we weren't best friends anymore and that I was self centered and I was– and it felt so shitty because I thought he was replacing me." 

Tim swallowed on the thickness I'm his throat. "No one could never replace you,” he promised. 

"But he was right," Stephanie continued, "I've been so caught up with my own shit that I didn't even know you and Jason were actually together!" She wiped an arm across her face to catch her tears. "I'm the shittiest best friend ever."

"I never told you," Tim offered but she was already shaking her head. 

"I should have seen it. We've been talking about this since we were sixteen. And it was so obvious that Dad and B talk about it all the time." Tim groaned just miserable enough that Stephanie smiled, the misery already melting out of her. "Tell me what happened again." She pushed, nudging Tim towards the couch. 

So Tim went over it again, whispering because if Jason walked out and heard him, he was sure his heart would just stop beating. They took their time dissecting it, Stephanie asking questions or for him to go back. It was past six in the morning by the time they finished and the coffee maker was starting up. 

"I don't know what to do. I don't want him to think he did anything wrong– but I don't know if I did something wrong?" 

"I think… you need to let him come to you?" Stephanie made a face and shrugged apologetically. “As much as I want to say he's being a jerk– he's just confused. This is a big change for him… so… let him figure it out?" 

Tim sighed and dropped his head onto the back of the couch. "I hate when you're right." 

"Then you must hate me all the time," she sassed at him, sticking her tongue and and barely holding in a squeeze when she poked him. 

-

Jason came out maybe fifteen minutes after Stephanie left. His eyes were blurry and his hair was mussed in fluffy, flyaway curls like he had been turning since Tim had gotten out of bed. He frowned at Tim posing their coffee, like seeing him doing what was usually his task was suspicious. 

Tim did his best to smile like normal, he offered Jason a mug, almost dropping it when he lost his grip on his crutch. Jason caught him and the mug easily and Tim laughed. That was almost normal too. He could do this. He looked up, almost moving to kiss him on instinct but he hesitated a moment too long. 

"Uh, Thanks!" He beamed at him as he settled back onto his foot. Fuck that was too much, he turned back to the coffee maker and poured his own coffee while he tried to school himself back into himself. "Any plans for the day?"

Jason hummed an answer to Tim's question and tried not to let the sudden clawing panic ripping through his chest show. Tim hadn't kissed him. He'd seen him move to do so like he'd been doing without thinking lately, then stop. Something had made him decide not to kiss him. 

“I think I'm going to stop by B's unless you want to do something,” he said, hoping it sounded casual. Tim told him he was just going to watch some of the anime he'd started. Jason didn't like it and part of him felt like Tim was watching it to push him away. They had watched an entire season together before Tim had freed him from his obligation of watching any more with Tim. He didn't want to run though. So Jason settled next to Tim anyway, leaning against him like he always did. A little of that panic eased when Tim shifted so they were resting more comfortably. He stayed for an episode, texting Bruce to check that he was home. 

“I'll pick up lunch,” he offered as he stood. 

“Okay,” Tim said easily and offered him a smile. It was tense around his eyes. He wanted to ask what was wrong. What he'd done wrong, but he just smiled back and went to get changed. 

Bruce was reading in the living room when he let himself in. Jason settled next to him and after a second decided he felt pitiful enough and dropped his head into his brother's lap. Bruce only hesitated for a moment before petting softly through his hair like their mom used to do. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bruce asked without looking away from his book. Jason hummed before shrugging awkwardly. He let his worries drift until they slowly coalesced into something solid.

“Is Dick here?” 

“He's upstairs,” Bruce said after a beat. Jason knew that if he asked all the questions that were flitting through his mind that Bruce would try to answer. But he didn't want to force him. He'd watched his brother struggle through the sex talk, and wouldn't put him through it again if he didn't have to. 

“Cool.” He laid there for a few more minutes, lulled by the hushed sounds of Bruce turning pages above him. He took a deep breath and sat up. He could do this. 

Dick was painting one of Bruce's rose bushes when he found him deep in the greenhouse. He smiled when Jason settled on one of the chairs next to him. He knew that more often than not Bruce was up here with Dick when he was painting. But he hadn't seen Damian so he was probably down for a nap. 

“What's up?” Dick asked without looking away from the canvas. 

“Tim gave me a blowjob last night and now he's putting space between us.” 

Dick did look at him then. “Was that a first?” 

“We've kissed,” Jason offered. “And some grinding. But yeah.” 

“I know you're an adult and have adult relationships, but part of me was so scandalized. Lemme turn off my dad mode and switch to my brother mode” Dick chuckled and made a clicking sound. “Was it good?” 

“The best. But I think that's where it started?” Jason mumbled. 

“Why?” Dick was studying him, but it didn't make him uncomfortable. Maybe he could figure it out if he looked hard enough. 

“Cause I don't know how to suck a dick. How was I supposed to follow that?” 

“Did you tell him no?” Dick asked with a little furrow of his brows. 

“No. He didn't give me a chance to say anything. He just got himself off.” 

“You didn't tell him you were nervous about being bad?” 

“No. I didn't want him to think that I didn't want to. I think he's still afraid I'm going to change my mind? Like I'm going to realize that he has a dick and I'll run away.” Jason frowned. “A couple days ago we were making out and he was in my lap and it was great. And he rubbed us together. But he froze for a second like he hadn't meant to do that. Like I wasn't just as hard as he was. And he didn't do it again.”

“He could just be taking it slow. He knows it's a change for you.”

“I haven't disliked anything we've done.”

“Have you told him you liked them?” 

“Like with words?” Jason asked, earning a narrowed look. “No. I've never had to do that-”

“You've never had a relationship either.” Before Jason could dispute that Dick continued, “Your long term hook ups that you called girlfriends don't count. You may have fooled your brother, but I knew.” Dick set his brush down. “I know talking can be difficult. But it's important. That reassurance that you're not fucking up is so nice.”

Jason nodded. He looked at the rose bush as he let Dick's words sink in. 

“And I know you love him. But he's loved you for a while. He might need some time to get used to you loving him back.” 

Jason hadn’t thought about that. He wondered if Tim had. 

“So go talk to your boyfriend about wanting to suck his dick. If Tim's as good as you say he is I'm sure he'll be glad to teach you.” 

“Alright,” Jason sighed and leaned forward. 

“Oh. And thanks for talking to me about this.” 

“Yeah. You're my brother,” he said and slapped Dick on the back as he passed him.

-

Tim was asleep on the couch when he got back. The ad for the next season of his show was playing on repeat. Jason huffed and kissed his forehead as he passed. Tim sat up before he'd reached the kitchen. 

“Did you just kiss me?” 

“Yeah,” he answered. 

“I thought it was a dream for a second.” 

“You can get another one if you hurry. I got onions on my burger and I'm starving.” 

“No,” Tim whined and stumbled across the kitchen, too quickly for his still half asleep mind. Jason caught him before he took their table out with him. He kissed Tim, still dangling in his arms before putting him back on his feet. 

“You're in a good mood,” Tim commented. 

“One of the guys I used to work with offered me a job.” 

“That's a wide range of people,” Tim said and settled at the table. “I didn't know you were looking for a job.”

“I wasn't. But Ralph, the foreman at that demo company, sounded pretty desperate.” 

“Construction? You hated construction.” 

“No I didn't,” he said with a laugh. 

“Fine. I hated it. You were always so tired. And it was dangerous.” 

“Well it's a good thing he didn't offer me that,” Jason said with a grin.

“No?” Tim looked confused. It was a cute look on him. His head tilted as he frowned. 

“He is taking his family on a vacation and needs someone to watch his dogs. They loved me when they visited the sites so he asked.” Tim blinked at him. “It's just a couple hours every day and they are pretty chill. So it sounds like fun.” 

Tim agreed and Jason kept talking about the dogs and the trip Ralph had told him about. Whatever weird tension that had hung over them that morning had faded some with the ease of their meal. As the day went on it came and went for no reason that Jason could pinpoint. But after they ate dinner and settled down to watch a movie it was back in suffocating force and Jason knew that Dick was right. 

“What did I do wrong last night?” Jason asked. 

“What?” 

“It's felt weird all day. And you were great. So it was me.”

Tim just stared at him, opened his mouth twice like he was going to dispute it, but couldn't. 

“Whatever it was, I'm sorry.” He met Tim's eyes. His mom always insisted on eye contact for apologies. “I didn't mean to. I know I should have returned the favor or whatever, but I don't know how to make you feel good. And you gave me like the best blow job of my life and you were going to get my first attempt at one. How's that fair?” Jason's mouth was running away from him. But before he could continue rambling about apprentices and masters, Tim's hand slid over his mouth and their eyes locked. Jason's mind calmed as he waited for the words he could see forming in Tim's eyes. 

"You were nervous," Tim said mostly to himself as the pieces slid into place. But even though it wasn't really a question, Jason nodded. He let his hand slip from his mouth and looked down at his lap as he tried to gather all the willpower he had, hoping this wouldn't be an uncomfortable conversation for long. "When… well, after- " he flushed and glanced up at Jason. Just long enough to see him watching him attentively. "I saw you panic and I freaked out. It felt like I pushed you into something that you weren't ready for so I just… took care of it myself." He swallowed. "I know it's stupid, but I still have a hard time believing you actually like me sometimes." 

"I love you," Jason corrected him. "And you have been living with these feelings a lot longer than I have. I don't think it's stupid." 

His chest clenched hard and Tim felt like he could cry and laugh all at once as the tension he had been carrying all day eased. "You don't?" He asked quietly, his voice thicker than he wanted it to be. 

"No." He said unflinchingly. "I mean, it didn't feel good? I hate when I can't figure out why you are being weird." 

"I should have told you."

"I should have asked."

Tim pulled on his arm until Jason grinned and scooted closer, Tim immediately putting his legs in his lap. He hugged his arm to his chest hard, kissing his shoulder. "I'm sorry." It felt good to apologize. To be understood. To be loved. 

"I'm sorry too." He leaned in to kiss Tim and when he pulled back, Tim couldn't help but beam at him. 

"We survived our first fight." 

Jason snorted, "like that even counts as a fight." 

"It counts," Tim told him, leaning his head against his arm as he looked back at the movie he barely even remembered the beginning of. "All our firsts count." 

"How is that fair?" Jason whined at him. 

"We have more firsts," Tim said simply. "You get more firsts when there are more moments that you care about. First good things and first bad things and first everything in betweens." Jason was looking at him so softly when  looked up at him that he couldn't help but ruin the moment. "Did I really give you the best blow job of your life?"

"I never said that,” Jason said so blankly that Tim couldn't stop the sound that came out of him. 

Years later when Jason pointed out that was their real first fight– Tim refused to let it count.

Chapter Text

“Class is in session,” Tim said with a clap. Jason rolled his eyes at him. He didn't think they needed all of this. It was just a blow job. He'd gotten them in half melted snowy alleyways before. But Tim had insisted. He claimed he wanted them to get everything right for his first. 

“Open mouth, insert dick. Class complete.” 

“And that's why you're not teaching this class.” Tim frowned at him. “Was that how you treated your girlfriends?” 

“No,” Jason grumbled. He'd woken up grumpy but they'd had this planned. It was even on the calendar on the fridge. Next to ‘Tim back at work’. Jason knew that was the source of his bad mood. But Tim was excited and he wouldn't let anything ruin this week. Not even a sub par blow job. 

“I want whatever effort you were giving Viv that had her coming back to you.” 

“How do you know it wasn't just my dick?” 

Tim laughed. Jason shoved him. “It might have been, but I saw her on a billboard last week. You did something else.” 

“Maybe,” Jason agreed. Tim was talking a little too easily about his former hookups. It was unsettling. But there was a flush to his ears. Maybe Tim was more into it than he'd expected. “Are you picturing it?” Jason whispered. 

Tim blinked at him. Jason knew that face. He was. He kissed him. This was easy. He knew this, even knew how to kiss Tim to leave him breathless and glassy eyed. He tugged Tim's shirt off. It was one of Jason's. 

“I think you're losing control of the class,” Jason murmured against his lips. 

“I'm just seeing what you know.” 

Jason took that as the challenge it was and flicked one of Tim's nipples. He gasped. Jason tossed his shirt to the ground and slid back up to kiss Tim, lowering them flat on the couch. Another thing Tim had insisted on. He didn't want bad memories in their bed. It hadn't filled Jason with the most confidence, but he could see Tim's reasoning. 

He pulled Tim's arms up so they were draped over his shoulders. Tim ran his fingers through his hair, dragged his blunt nails down his back and back into his hair. He loved it and licked under his tongue. Tim's knees had dropped out under him the last time he'd done it and the moan he swallowed felt the same. 

Jason felt Tim rubbing against his stomach. He pushed his hand into Tim's pants and slid over the bulge. Tim pulled away, stuttered out words that might have been instructions, but Jason ignored them and kissed across his jaw. He sucked on his earlobe as he ground his palm down. Tim's neck was sensitive, his chest less so, but still enough that he spent time working them into swollen nubs. Tim pushed at his head. 

“You've got the basics,” Tim said after a few stutter starts. Jason smirked. He helped Tim out of his pants and swat his hands away when he started working his boxer briefs down. He wanted to do this. The anticipation was killing him. He pulled the band down. The red head of his dick was already leaking. Jason could have fist bumped if he wasn't sure Tim would smack him. 

“Lick it.” 

Jason flashed his eyes up to Tim and let his tongue peek out. It was bitter, but not as bad as some girls had told him. Tim tasted different than his own. Curiosity and a week with his brother's hot friend had been too much for his 16yo self to resist. He kept licking, long drags, short flicks, he couldn't tell what Tim liked and didn't. Not yet. The sample size was too small.

Jason swallowed as the wiry hair at the base scratched his skin. This was different. The dick he'd been licking up and down was different too, but the balls staring at him felt different. He touched them first, Tim gasped, the question half out of his mouth cut off. He knew what he liked so he tried that. Tim at least didn't hate that. He took a steadying breath and sucked on them as he watched for Tim's reaction. He was curled in the corner of the couch, propped up so he could see everything Jason was doing to him. The perfect observation deck for teaching. He closed his eyes and moved his tongue. His hair was yanked and he was pulled away before he'd gotten any real practice. 

“Okay. Do this slower than you think you should.” 

Jason raised an eyebrow. 

“Trust me.” 

“I do,” he said and put his lips around Tim's head in a sloppy kiss. Tim's hand was a guide, slowing him down when he got too eager, pulling him into a quick bob. He committed everything to memory. Tim warned him about teeth and he cursed to himself, he'd been trying not to forget. Tim stopped him from going too deep. He sucked as an admonishment and Tim's hand pushed. Jason gagged as Tim's dick slammed into the back of his throat. Tim pulled him back immediately, apologizing and brushing the reflexive tears from his eyes. 

“Okay. Maybe you were right. That was far enough.” Tim laughed and kissed him. Jason cleared his throat and looked back down. It was oddly intimidating the second time. Jason looked up and grabbed Tim's hand. “Come on, Teach. Finish the Lesson.”