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Peter wished it wasn’t real. He wished that things had ended differently. Some part of him wanted to believe that this was all just a dream, and he’d eventually wake up, and Tony would be waiting for him in the lab at the Stark Tower like he usually was. The two of them would work on their latest project together, laughing and joking around like they usually did. Peter would join Tony and Pepper for dinner, and the night would be filled with jokes and old college stories, like it usually was.
But he knows none of that will ever happen again.
Peter has a lot of regrets. He wishes he was the one who put on the gauntlet and snapped. He had the chance, yet he didn't take it. In hindsight, he knows that his enhanced body would have stood a better chance against the infinity stones; a better chance than Tony's did. If he had just taken the risk and put on the gauntlet when he had the chance, Tony would still be alive.
All his life, he’d experienced loss after loss. Mary and Richard, Ben, the people of Queens he's failed to save. And then Tony Stark walked into his life. At first, Peter had been terrified to let the man in—and Tony was no different—but Tony inevitably became the father figure that Peter needed in his life. Tony had spent months reassuring Peter that he wasn’t going anywhere.
“No Parker Luck can take me out, Underoos.”
Peter feels like a fool for believing that he could have that happiness; that it would last. Hell, he felt like he was lucky that he still had May.
But how was he supposed to move on from this? Tony had easily become his everything, just as Peter had become Tony’s everything. They practically lived for each other. And then Thanos happened. The Blip. Peter was gone, and Tony mourned his loss every day, without fail. He built a life, got married, had a daughter, and lived a good life for the next five years, but he had lost Peter. He grieved every day, knowing that he never told Peter that he loved him, and how lucky he was to have the kid in his life. And now it was Peter’s turn.
Peter wishes that it didn’t have to end like this. He wishes Doctor Strange never told him that Tony dying was the only way. He refuses to believe that. All Peter ever wanted was to have a happiness that lasted, and May and Tony and Pepper were that happiness. But now Tony's gone. His father figure is gone. Morgan’s dad is gone. Pepper’s husband is gone.
Pepper, Morgan, Happy, and Rhodey were downstairs, watching Tony’s final message to them, but Peter couldn’t bring himself to be there, even though he knew that Tony would want him to be. He just couldn’t bear it. Everything was too fresh.
So here Peter was, leaning against the foot of Tony and Pepper's bed, shoulders hunched and shaking with each cry. He had never been to the lake house—he didn't even know about it until the funeral—but as soon as he stepped foot inside and Pepper told him that this was now his home as well, he wanted to cry. He quickly excused himself and went upstairs after Pepper kissed his forehead and told him where her and Tony's bedroom was. The moment he entered the room, the raw emotions he had been holding in around Tony's close friends—Tony's family—clawed their way to the surface.
He had dropped to his knees at the foot of the bed and let out a gut-wrenching sob. Tears were streaming down his flushed cheeks, evidence of his immeasurable sorrow. He leaned against the bed and brought his knees to his chest, burying his face in the palms of his shaking hands, and cried without restriction.
“Peter.”
The said teenager hesitantly looked up at the sound of FRIDAY’s soft voice. He sniffled and uselessly wiped his cheeks. “FRIDAY? You’re- You’re here?” The familiar Irish accent did wonders in soothing him; although she wasn’t a tangible presence, knowing that she was there with him was comforting.
“I’m here, Peter,” FRIDAY responded. Peter had a hunch that she knew how much those words would mean to him. “I have something for you. It’s from Boss. He instructed me to play it for you if something were to happen to him.”
Peter let out another sob and shook his head. He doesn’t know if he can handle hearing Tony’s voice at a time like this, although deep inside, he wanted nothing more than that.
“May I play it for you, Peter?”
He took a deep breath. He can do this. He has to. Tony would want him to. This would be Tony’s final message to Peter. “Play it, FRI,” he whispered.
There was a click. Almost instantly, Tony appeared. The man was leaning against the dresser in the corner of the room, to Peter’s left, so the boy turned to face him. The hologram of Tony was looking almost directly at him, as if he knew Peter would chose that spot to give in to his grief. It almost felt as if Tony were really there, and that just broke Peter's heart.
His bottom lip quivered, fresh tears welling up in his eyes when Tony smiled.
“Hey, kiddo.”
A tear fell.
“Take a seat at the foot of the bed for me.” Peter was technically already there, so he made no move. Tony sighed tiredly, but smiled nonetheless. “I figured it out. Time travel. The A-team and I… we’re gonna bring everyone back. Whatever it takes.” Tony looked down for a moment. “God, I really hope it works. It has to.”
Peter wanted to reach out. “You did it, Mr. Stark. It worked,” he whispered to nobody, face pinched with heartbreak.
“I’m gonna get you back, okay? I’ll see ya’ real soon, buddy. I promise.” The earnest look in Tony’s eyes broke Peter’s heart. Tony kept his word; he did see Peter again—even unexpectedly embraced him on the battlefield—but Peter wished that it wouldn't have been the last time.
“I'm…” Tony paused to sigh and close his eyes for a brief moment. “I'm recording this message in case something goes wrong. In case, God forbid, I don't make it, for whatever reason. I really hope you don't ever have to see this, but if you do… I want you to know one thing: I love you.”
Peter nearly gave in and asked FRIDAY to turn off the recording, but he knew that he needed to see it through to the end. He never would have expected that the first time Tony told him he loved him would be in the event of his death. Peter would give anything to hear the man tell him face to face.
Tony chuckled. “Pep and Maguna have turned me into a real sap, huh, kid? I guess it isn’t so bad.” The man pushed himself away from the dresser and approached the bed. He took a seat at the foot and looked ahead at the wall in front of them as he took a deep breath. Peter looked up at him with bated breath. “I love you, Pete. And I regret that I never told you before you… before you were gone. I'm sorry… that I never showed you that I truly cared about you. That was the hardest day of my life, you know that? Losing you was… my biggest failure. I spent the next couple years kicking myself. I just wished that I could’ve done more to protect you. You mean everything to me. Whatever happens tomorrow, I’m doing it for you. I need you back, kid, and I’d do anything, anything to make that happen.”
Peter watched as Tony’s eyes brimmed with tears. He’s never seen the man cry, or speak so fondly and affectionately. Peter slowly stood up and took a seat beside the hologram of Tony.
“I just wanted to, you know… let you know how much I love you, okay? And I'm sorry that I can't be there to hold you and love you and watch you grow up. Don’t blame yourself for whatever happens. All that matters is that you’re back. All that matters is that you get to live the life you were meant to live, even if- even if I won't be there to see it.”
Peter whimpered. “But I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not here, Mr. Stark. I-I can’t.”
“I know it might be hard, Pete. I know,” Tony said softly, turning his head to look directly at Peter. The boy’s breath hitched. “But I know you can do it. I love you. More than you could ever know. Remember that.”
Peter lifted a trembling hand, reaching out to touch Tony’s cheek as the man donned a sad smile. His heart broke when he realized that he couldn’t touch Tony. Tony’s really gone. The thought only served to make Peter start crying again. Through his tears, he looked down and saw Tony's hand resting on the bed. He reached out and placed his hand where Tony's was.
“Take care of yourself, Pete. And keep an eye on Morgan and Pep for me, too, will you? Oh, who am I kidding? I know you would anyway,” Tony said fondly.
Peter nodded weakly. “I promise. I promise.”
“I gotta go now, bambino, but I'll see you real soon, okay? I love you.” Tony paused to blink away his tears. “I love you so much,” he whispered.
And just like that, Tony was gone, and Peter was alone again. He burst into tears, staring at where Tony's hologram was just sat. “No. No,” he croaked. “I love you, Dad. I love you. I love you. I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry, Tony, I couldn’t save you. It should’ve been me.” Peter shook with the force of his cries and slid off of the bed, curling in on himself as he cried on the cold floor.
“Oh, Peter.”
Peter didn’t look up at Pepper, who was standing at the doorway, hand on the doorknob. He couldn’t. He couldn’t face her as he was being crushed under the weight of his guilt and regret.
Pepper quietly shut the door and then made her way to Peter. She dropped down beside him and pulled him into her arms, holding him tightly.
Peter didn’t hold himself back. He rested his head on Pepper’s chest and broke down completely, heartbreaking sobs becoming the only sound in the room. Tears of her own blurred Pepper’s vision as she stroked Peter’s hair. She tried her best to show him that she was there for him, and that he wasn’t alone. She softly muttered reassurances to him, and occasionally kissed his head in the hopes of calming him down, and eventually, after several minutes, Peter’s cries began to quiet down.
The boy was soon left sniffling as he and Pepper sat in silence and embraced each other. “He’s really gone,” Peter eventually whispered.
Pepper blinked away fresh tears as she looked down at Peter, who was leaning heavily against her. “He… He is, but he’ll always be in our hearts, as cheesy as that sounds. We’ll all learn to cope together. As a family.”
Peter’s voice shook as he spoke. “Family?”
“You didn’t think Tony was the only one who loved you like his own, did you?” Pepper asked lightheartedly. Peter’s silence gave her an answer. “Oh, Peter.” Pepper kissed his forehead. “I love you. Tony and I always have, and we always will, okay? You will always have a home here with Morgan and I. Always.”
Peter sniffled. “I love you too. Does that- Does that mean I can call you... m-mom?” He asked timidly.
“Of course, sweetie.” Pepper's eyes were filled with what Peter could only describe as raw, maternal love. Directed at him.
Peter inhaled slowly, before resting his head against Pepper's chest once more and exhaling. “I miss him, mom.”
Pepper kissed the side of his head. She rubbed his arms in a comforting manner. “I know, sweetie. I know. But we’ll get through this together, I promise you.”
Peter nodded and closed his eyes, finally feeling exhausted from all of the crying he had just done. “Thank you for being here with me.”
“I’ll always be here, Peter. Now get some rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
With that, Peter fell asleep in Pepper’s arms.