Work Text:
The work day at the Lab was nearing its end when Gaster came to overhear a conversation between his son Sans, and Alphys. Normally, Gaster wasn't one for eavesdropping – he had enough self-control to tune out conversations that were not meant for him. It was just that this particular one was a little hard to ignore, and in part explained why their assistants had courteously vacated the premises to a more quiet location.
- Oh, and I saved the best for last! Alphys said with unrivalled glee as she pulled out a little circular device from the box next to her desk. - I thought I'd seen the best of the toys donated to the shop already, but this? It'll blow your mind!
- Blow my mind? Sans grinned. - I thought these kinds of toys were supposed to blow other parts of the body.
He chuckled as Alphys rolled her eyes, and Gaster pressed his hand against his mouth to mask his grin as a yawn. As it were, the toys Alphys was showing off to Sans were not the PG-13 kind. The shop Alphys was referring to was the best (well, the only, but regardless) seller of sex toys and other adult fun the Underworld had to offer. It was a humble business, and one that might not have seen that much variety – what with the limited resources of the Underworld having been directed to pursuits more important to their immediate survival in the aftermath of the war – were it not for a mysterious donor who would every so often give away newly developed toys for the shop to examine and manufacture into usable products. No one knew who the mad inventor behind these toys was, only that each one defied the boundaries of both logic and imagination, and as a result, each one of them was a huge hit with the many monsters looking for new sensations.
Alphys, as it turned out, was no stranger to the selection either, and perhaps that, alongside her being one of the brightest minds of monsterkind, was why the shop owners had approached her with a request. After many years of absence, the donations had suddenly returned, only the complexity of their designs were beginning to be beyond the talents of the shop staff. Thus, they'd asked Alphys to help them decipher the designs. Alphys had accepted this with unexpected enthusiasm, devoting her free time to studying the inventions. And judging by how much she was gushing over them to Sans, she was most impressed.
- Real funny, Sans. Anyway! Alphys' jadedness turned back to excitement as she held up the device. - This is called the “Interdimensional Space-bending Opening to Larger Dick Entrance”, she continued, ignoring how much Sans snorted at the name. - I don't know how it works yet, but – get this! – it creates a small pocket dimension when worn over one's orifice, allowing for much larger things to enter than would normally be physically possible. It creates a small gravitational wave that stimulates the recipient, simulating the pleasure they'd receive from the thrusting of their partner. Don't you see, Sans!? This is revolutionary!
Her face was glowing the way it usually was when she was really excited about her work, and the fact that it was over a sex toy looked to rather amuse Sans.
- What do you even need this thing for? Sans asked, and winked. - I didn't figure you and Undyne would be that bad at picking the right size of strap-ons.
- What? No, I'm not using it myself! And we're perfectly capable of finding the right size of--- err, anyway! Alphys's cheeks turned red, and she vigorously shook her head before continuing. - No, I'm just admiring the artistry! It takes real genius to make something like this!
- Who'd come up with stuff like this anyway? Sans asked. - This someone must have a lot of time on their hands.
It took serious focus for Gaster to make it look like he was just going over the statistical analysis on his computer. He couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable with the conversation shifting to the creator of these toys. Not that Gaster was a prude, FAR from it, but...
It was just a little difficult to have two of the people closest to him discussing the Interdimensional Space-bending Opening to Larger Dick Entrance – ISOLDE for short – right behind him, when Gaster was the one responsible for its existence.
It was not exactly a fact he was open about to anyone – well, with the exception of Grillby and Asgore – but occasionally, when Gaster was in heat, he would have... ideas, and not all of these ideas were within the realms of physics and biology. And because Gaster was nothing if not always chasing the statistical anomalies, of course he had to make the impossible possible. Hence, the sex toys looking at what the universe thought was possible, and laughing in its face.
But being the Royal Scientist, Gaster couldn't exactly take credit for his inventions without some monsters thinking he had a screw or two loose. But it would have felt wrong to keep all this to himself, and so he'd eventually resolved the dilemma with anonymous donations of his inventions and blueprints. This had worked fine for a while, but Gaster must have outdone himself in his last bout of horny science, because the blueprints had ended up too intricate even for the monsters at the sex shop to decipher.
And so one of Gaster's most well-guarded secrets had ended up in his workplace, in the hands of the one monster who probably looked up to Gaster as a scientist the most. Said monster who had no problem waving the thing in the face of Gaster's son, both blissfully clueless that the inventor was sitting right behind them.
- I don't know, Alphys said, gently putting ISOLDE onto her desk. - But whoever they are, the monsterkind owes them a favour.
- And humankind too, I bet, Sans chuckled. - Have you seen how horny they go for huge monsters and robots?
- I know, right?! All those people who before could only dream of being ravaged by a dragon or a mecha... Alphys sighed, and the dreamy look on her face was perhaps a bit too telling. - Finally those dreams can come true!
- Yeah... Except for the part where dragons and mecha don't exist.
- Yet , Sans, yet. I'm sure we'll get to it eventually!
Gaster couldn't tell for sure when looking away, but from the way Sans laughed, Alphys must have looked very intense. As Gaster was trying to shake off the realisation he'd just gotten way more insight into his protege's private thoughts than he would ever have wanted, Sans let out a huge yawn, and got out his seat.
- Well, this has been swell, but it's time for me to clock out, Sans said. - Besides, I've got myself a date, and I'd hate to be late.
Instantly, Alphys let out a cry of shock, and Gaster spun around in his chair flabbergasted.
- A-a-a-a date?! Alphys exclaimed. - W-w-with who?!
It was a tidbit Gaster was most curious about as well, as he threw out all pretence of not listening and rolled his chair closer. He'd known it was statistically likely this would happen sooner than later, but oh, he hadn't been prepared that his little boy would be all grown up now!
- With a tub of ice cream and a re-run of Friends, Sans winked, and laughed as both Alphys and Gaster groaned. - Ha, gotcha both! Real rude to be eavesdropping, eh Dad?
With a knowing smirk, Sans waved them goodbye before leaving, while Gaster was too embarrassed to even wave back. He knew this son was smart – exceptionally so – but he would have hoped it would have been at least a few more years before Sans would be clever enough to outsmart him. Or at least do so in a context less embarrassing than this.
Keenly aware that Alphys was staring at him now, Gaster turned around quickly and tried to roll back to his desk and analysis before Alphys could open her mouth, but no mercy there.
- Ah, s-s-s-sorry about that, Alphys laughed awkwardly. - I uhh, probably shouldn't have gone off like that...?
- It's quite alright, Gaster said quickly, hoping it had still been reassuring. - We're all adults here, and the last thing I want is for anyone to feel ashamed of speaking about sex.
- R-Right...! I'll still try to keep the volume down next time, Alphys said sheepishly, before turning to her desk. Gaster sighed in relief. Perhaps a conversation on this topic had been avoided after all. - Anyway, umm, if you don't mind, I'll stay behind for a bit to have a look at this stuff! I'm just dying to figure out how it works...
The determined look was back on her face, and Gaster couldn't help but smile fondly. No matter the topic of Alphys' fixation, it was always a delight to see how passionate she was about all things science. The fact that it was about a topic generally considered odd was just a part of her charm – it was rare to see someone approach new things so eagerly and without prejudice like Alphys.
And so Gaster gave Alphys the go ahead, as he himself began preparing for heading back home. Asgore had been gently encouraging him to try and improve on his bad habit of overworking, and besides, going home was the most effective way of avoiding a sex toy related conversation with Alphys that would risk unmasking Gaster's little secret.
Gaster was just about to wave goodbye, one foot already out the door, when he saw Alphys pull out a screwdriver, and Gaster's metaphorical heart dropped to his equally metaphorical stomach.
- Alphys? Gaster cried out before he could reign in the protective dad instincts. - What are you doing with that screwdriver?
- Oh! Well, I'm going to open this things, of course! Alphys said, motioning at ISOLDE on her desk. - These blueprints aren't even close to helping me understand how this toy works... So what better way to learn than a bit of reverse engineering?
The sheer shock was what froze Gaster in place, as he watched in horror as Alphys grabbed ISOLDE and began looking for a place to open it. The device was safe for use, Gaster had tested it several times himself, with multiple fail safes in places to prevent catastrophe should something inside malfunction. Still, if the dimensional warp generator Gaster had installed inside were to be fiddled with by someone who did not know what they were doing, there could be consequences. Even if the risk was low considering the complexity of the device, it was still far too high for Gaster's liking. But if he were to point this out to Alphys, he'd be outing himself as the creator of the device.
Mentally, Gaster slapped himself. What was he thinking?! When would he EVER place his own reputation over the safety of another monster?!
- Alphys, wait! Gaster cried out, and relief flooded his ribcage as Alphys immediately lowered her hand holding the screwdriver. - If you open her that way, you could accidentally damage the warp generator inside and get hurt.
- O-Oh! A warp generator?! Alphys looked at ISOLDE stunned, too amazed to even show fear. - This tiny thing has a warp generator?! That certainly explains how---
Then, she narrowed her gaze, and Gaster knew he had been found out.
- Wait... “Her”? And how did you know... I mean, of course you'd be amazing enough to figure that out from just glancing the blueprints, but...
- You're far too kind, Gaster said, even though, well, realistically, he could. - But no, the truth is...
He swallowed hard, but decided to carry on. He knew how much even small secrets could linger and hurt in the long run, and didn't want anything like that between himself and Alphys.
- Truth is, I'm ISOLDE's father.
- Oh. Oooookay, Alphys blinked. - Wait, whose Isolde? Aren't Sans and Papyrus your only---
- I mean father as in creator, Gaster said quickly. - Of the Interdimensional Space-bending Opening to Larger Dick Entrance, or ISOLDE for short. She's my latest invention.
- Ah, that makes more sense! Alphys nodded, before a second later her face dropped. - WAIT, YOU created the---
Her eyes switched frantically between ISOLDE in her hand and Gaster, and Gaster couldn't help but be a little endeared by her excessive reactions.
- YOU'RE the mysterious donor of all these toys?! Alphys gaped. She was smart enough to realise the mysterious cessation of the donations coincided perfectly with Gaster's disappearance into the VOID. - Wait, no, that can't be, surely, the Interdimensional Space-bending Opening to Larger Dick Entrance was just the exception---
- I'm afraid not, Gaster said. - I'm behind all those donations.
- So... You're the one who... Alphys was gasping like she was short of breath. - The Extremely Daunting Warp-speed Accelerating Ripped Dildo---
- EDWARD, yes. He's one of mine.
- And even the Rightfully Awe-inspiring & Pleasurable, Ultimate Nipple-stimulating Zestfully Elastic Licker---
- RAPUNZEL. You're allowed to use their short names, I'm sure they won't mind, Gaster smiled wryly.
Gaping still, Alphys just stared at Gaster for the longest time, enough for Gaster to get self-conscious over it. He knew Alphys thought the world of him, saw him as a role model and a goal to strive towards. But that had all been because of Gaster's immaculate reputation as a genius scientist. To know that these kind of projects were what he worked on his free time – even if they were mostly limited to his heats – inevitably put a huge crack in that image.
- Oh my god... Alphys whispered. - You're... You're---!
- I'm sorry, Alphys, Gaster said, weaker than he'd felt in a while. - I know you expected better of me...
- Absolutely BRILLIANT! Alphys exclaimed, putting away ISOLDE on her desk as she leaped out of her chair. - I-I mean I knew that already, of course, but to think after everything you've done you'd also be behind THESE?! She gestured wildly at the box of sex toys. - Is there a field of science and technology you don't excel at?!
- Not really, but more importantly...! Gaster looked at her dumbfounded. - You... don't think it's weird? Coming from me?
- Oh, it's weird, definitely, the weirdest thing I've heard in years! Alphys smiled widely. - But I like weird! I've never been the most conventional monster myself, and sure, it's led to times when I've... been left out and stuff, but...
Suddenly, her expression turned timid, and she twiddled with her thumbs.
- But YOU always believed in me! I used to think I had to put up this front to be accepted by the Royal Scientist, but instead, you helped me embrace my weirdness. There's no way I would be a hypocrite and judge you for your quirks! Alphys said, and laughed sheepishly. - Honestly, it's a bit... Relieving, I guess? Knowing you've got your funky side as well.
- You don't know the half of it. Or even a thousandth, Gaster chuckled. - Thank you, Alphys. I've always known you were a sweet monster, but hearing you say this... It still lifted a weight off my shoulders.
- R-Really? I'm glad! You've always done so much for me, so it's just right I return the favour, Alphys said. - But to think that my favourite scientist is also my favourite sex toy creator...! How did I not see this coming? It must have felt too good to be true!
Her eyes were gleaming like that of a kid on Christmas, and Gaster was once again filled with infinite gratitude for the amazing monsters he had in his life. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve the admiration and friendship of monsters like Alphys, a part of him still didn't think he deserved it, but that wouldn't stop him from showing his gratitude in any way he could.
- Oh! Alphys suddenly exclaimed, making the face she always did when being hit by a new idea. - That reminds me! Now that I know it's you who made all these toys... Maybe you could give me your thoughts on this!
She quickly went over to one of her drawers, and pulled out a set of blueprints she then showed off to Gaster. The joy on Alphys' face was not unlike what Papyrus and Sans had looked like as kids when showing off drawings they'd made for Gaster (Gaster still had those safely tucked away at home). Only what Alphys was showing him was far less innocent.
- I uhh... Maaaaay have been inspired by all your work on the field of sex toy design, Alphys chuckled as Gaster looked over what was a very elaborate design for a vibrator. - So I tried my hand at thinking of a few designs... N-Nothing as great or innovative as yours, of course, but maybe as the expert, you could give some feedback---
Her voice died out as confidence left her expression, and she twiddled with her hands meekly while staring at her feet.
- Ah, sorry... This... Is not an appropriate topic to talk about with your boss, is it...?
But Gaster chuckled fondly, and put a hand on her shoulder while giving her his brightest smile.
- We're off the clock now, Alphys. I may be your boss, but I'm also your friend... And very lucky for it, in fact, Gaster said. - And the topic of sex toy design is far more than the whimsy of what the uncultured would call degenerates! It takes a great deal of knowledge to make toys that are both safe and pleasurable, and it's only natural brilliant minds would be drawn to it!
- You think I'm---?! Alphys blushed happily, as pep returned to her. - And you're right! There's so much that goes into making a good toy, and design is just one part of it! Choosing the right materials that are both comfortable and hygienic is a real puzzle!
- Yes, but a fun one! Gaster grinned. - There have been several new materials I've had to synthesise because I just couldn't find one that fit my exact needs!
- Oooh, yes, that's a shortcut only someone like you could take, isn't it? Alphys laughed. - Of course, safety, pleasure, and hygiene are only some of the considerations! It's one thing to make a good toy, it's a whole another thing to downsize it into a compact form!
- And to make it discreet! Gaster said. - Not all monsters are comfortable with their neighbours knowing exactly what they're into!
They looked at each other, grinning, before bursting into laughter. It was one thing for someone to know you're a little weird and being okay with it – to be accepted for it, finding camaraderie in it, was a whole new level of joy.
- Why don't we have a good look at these designs of yours? Gaster said, holding up Alphys' blueprints. - After that, I could show you how to safely take ISOLDE apart!
- Ooh, I would love that! Alphys clapped excitedly. - I have sooo many questions!! There's so much I've still got to learn!
- There's no need to rush, my friend, Gaster smiled. - We have many more years ahead of us, and I can guarantee that this is a topic that won't be running dry anytime soon!
He winked, for a moment making it abundantly clear where Sans had got his cheeky side from, and Alphys gave him the obligatory groan before grinning again and eagerly pulling his chair next to hers and motioning for them to get started. Gaster complied happily, and after sending Asgore a quick message to let him know where he was, Gaster put down the blueprints and began reading, as Alphys narrated all of her design choices for him. Even if this technically counted as overworking, Gaster was sure Asgore would forgive him this once. After all, who could tell Gaster “no” when he'd found another friend he could let see behind the facade, to have a look at the cracked, strange creature inside and let him revel in being accepted just as he was?