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***
Am I allowed to look at her like that
Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at
***
They had been friends since childhood. It was a well known fact around the Powell estate that if Rose Tyler was about, then Shareen Costello was never far behind her. As they grew from toddlers to teens things changed. They remained close, so it was only natural that Shareen’s feelings evolved into something that left her dazed, confused, and on more than one occasion; extremely heartbroken. She couldn't help it, of course. She tried to will the feelings away, for the sake of their friendship - and her own sanity - but to no avail. Rose Tyler was simply gorgeous, inside and out. At age 17 Shareen knew all attempts at resistance were futile. She would always have a special place in her heat for Rose Marion Tyler, and that was perfectly alright.
***
And she smells like lemongrass and sleep
She tastes like apple juice and peach
***
One evening they were cuddled up on the sofa together, watching a film. As Shareen held her friend close, so that they could share the small blanket they had pulled off of Rose’s bed, her nostrils were filled with the familiar scent of Rose. She smelt of lavender and fresh linens, mixed with lemongrass from the flavoured tea she had been drinking earlier in the day. If Shareen had to describe Rose Tyler’s scent in one word, she smelt like sleep. Just as Shareen was contemplating all that was Rose Tyler, Rose herself leant forward, took a sip of her apple juice, then pulled a peach from the fruit bowl on the coffee table and bit into it. In that moment, Shareen decided she would very much like to kiss Rose, to taste the apple juice and peach on her lips; which she knew would make them all the more sweeter. She didn’t.
***
You would find her in a polaroid picture
And she means everything to me
***
“Happy New Year!” the flat erupted in a synchronized harmony, as 2004 turned into 2005, with the mere tick of a clock. Mickey was at the pub with his mates from work and Rose wasn’t meeting him until later in the evening. Shareen, finding herself single for the holiday, also had no one to kiss at the stroke of midnight. Figuring that they were childhood friends Rose and Shareen came to the decision that, to share the event together with a peck on the lips, wouldn’t be a big deal. Well, at least it wasn't to Rose. This was the first time Shareen had kissed Rose Tyler and she made sure to always remember it. It helped that Keisha snapped a sneaky picture on her new polaroid camera. Shareen could now live forever in that moment, where no one else existed; as long as Rose’s lips were touching hers.
***
I'd never tell
No I'd never say a word
***
When Jimmy Stone broke Rose’s heart Shareen was there for her. As soon as Rose had rang in floods of tears Shareen ran over to Jackie’s flat, where she waited for Rose to return from the bedsit she’d been living in with Jimmy for the past five months. Rose had been pleased to see a friendly face. That night Rose told Shareen she loved her like a sister. Shareen simply nodded in reply. The risk of telling Rose the truth had been too high. She’d happily have been the sister that Rose had never had, rather than the friend she used to know.
***
And oh it aches
But it feels oddly good to hurt
***
When Rose went missing for a year, Shareen went through hell and back. She would never forget the night Jackie came banging down her door, demanding to know ‘just where the hell her daughter was.’ Shareen had called around their social circle immediately, while Jackie sobbed down the phone to the police. Shareen had sat with Jackie, keeping the cups of tea coming and promising her that they’d find their Rose. When a few months had passed, however, she’d began to feel they never would. After a year, Rose came swirling back into their lives, like a hurricane. Shareen was away at the time, on holiday in Cornwall with Keisha. Once Jackie called with the news they got the first coach home. By the time they got back home however, Rose was gone. Pain cut at Shareen’s insides, like knifes while a fire licked at the open wounds, and yet she was at peace. Rose was safe. She was safe and she was happy, travelling with the man that had no name. The most comforting thing was that Rose could, if she wanted to, come home.
***
And I'll be okay
Admiring from afar
Cause even when she's next to me
We could not be more far apart
***
Rose was home for a few days and Shareen could feel the excitement simmering on her skin. She was finally going to have her friend back again. Rose came running through the door, arms open as she squealed in delight, engulfing Shareen in a warm, familiar, embrace. She pulled away far too soon for Shareen’s liking and announced she had a surprise.
“Shareen, this is the Doctor!” she gused with excitement; as a tall, skinny, and very good looking man entered with a shy smile tugging at his mouth. “Doctor, meet Shareen.”
Rose smiled at him warmly, with all the love and admiration Shareen knew shone in her eyes whenever Rose entered the room. Basically, it was the look of love.
“Nice to meet you,” Shareen smiled tightly. She fought against the bile rising in her throat and the sting in her eyes.
Rose Tyler had never belonged to Shareen, she knew that. But it didn’t make knowing her heart belonged to the Doctor any less painful. She’d be okay, loving Rose like this; rarely in person, mostly from memory and with the knowledge that she was happy in the arms of a good man.
***
Cause she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall
But to her
I taste of nothing at all
***
Shareen thought back to that New Year’s Eve kiss. She thought of that moment regularly and tried to remember every detail. The way that Rose’s tongue curled around her teeth when she smiled before leaning in. The fact that she was Shareen’s favourite taste, favourite scent, favourite sight. Shareen’s senses had been overloaded trying to file away the facts and figures that made up Rose. She briefly wondered, on one or two occasions, what taste Rose had associated to her. Then she remembered that, to Rose, the kiss was nothing but the touching of skin. It was the same way that you may hold a hand, with no passion or love beyond that of a platonic sort. And that was okay, because Shareen wouldn’t trade their friendship for the world.
***
And she smells like lemongrass and sleep
She tastes like apple juice and peach
You would find her in a polaroid picture
And she means everything to me
***
Eleven years after Rose had met the Doctor, Shareen sat at home, alone. It was one of the rare weekends that her newly-wedded wife had to go to work. Shareen didn’t mind as she could use the time to reminisce. Ten years ago, she had lost her best friend. It was an unexpected turn for the worse when the friendly ghosts had changed into men of steel. Rose and Jackie were never to be seen, nor heard of, ever again. Shareen ached, and sobbed, and griefed non-stop for days, weeks, months, maybe even years. She had lost count after a while. Then came Jane. She was sweet, kind and sensitive. Her hair was brown, with eyes grey. She smelt of coconuts and rain. Her taste was that of mint tea. Occasionally Shareen still ached for the girl of lemongrass, orange juice, and peach. Jane and Shareen had pictures that hung on nearly every wall, for everyone to see. Their first anniversary, their engagement party, and their wedding; both women beautiful visions in white. They smiled out from every frame.
Nonetheless, Shareen would still hide away in their room some days and look into the little box she hid beneath the bed. A box which contained a lot of things, but Shareen’s favourite was the old, faded, worn polaroid picture; that lay at the very bottom. It allowed Shareen to live forever in that moment, where no one else existed; as long as Rose's lips were touching hers.