Chapter Text
When Maeda Riku decided to become an idol, he knew it wasn’t a path for the weak. The grueling schedules, the sleepless nights, and the endless rehearsals were all part of the deal. He’d already resigned himself to the physical toll, the muscle aches that came from perfecting a dance routine, the strain in his voice from hours of rapping practice, and even the occasional fever he’d stubbornly push through for a rehearsal. These challenges, while exhausting, didn’t faze him much. After all, Riku was no stranger to pushing his body to its absolute limits. What truly tested him, though, was something far more personal: controlling his emotions.
And lately, one particular emotion had been torturing him, refusing to let go.
The most inconvenient thing that could possibly happen to a newly debuted idol had happened to Riku: he had fallen, headfirst and hopelessly, in love with his bandmate. No amount of professionalism could disguise the feelings he had for Daeyoung, even though Riku tried his best to bury them, his efforts to mask them always fell short.
Before he became a trainee, Riku’s experiences with love were limited to a few fleeting teenage romances back in Japan. He never felt the need to label his sexuality, he simply knew what he liked. His heart gravitated toward boys who were taller than him, with a quiet strength, a gentle demeanor, and an endearing “golden retriever” vibe. So, when he first laid eyes on Daeyoung, it was as if every box on his mental checklist lit up like a neon sign, and Riku knew he was doomed.
At first, he tried to keep his distance, throwing up walls in the hope that he could protect himself from the inevitable distraction. He avoided Daeyoung whenever he could, focusing solely on his training. He didn’t want to lose focus, especially when Daeyoung entered LASTART, but whether it was long nights spent perfecting choreography or tense moments rehearsing harmonies for the competition, the two of them slowly but surely became closer. With every shared joke, every moment of eye contact that lingered just a second too long, Riku felt his defenses crumbling.
The worst, or maybe the best part, was that Daeyoung was so oblivious to it all. His easy smile and genuine kindness only fueled Riku’s feelings, leaving him helpless against the growing tide of his attraction. Sometimes, Riku would catch himself staring at Daeyoung’s perfectly shaped lips and words would slip out before he could stop himself, in the form of a weird compliment such as “your lips are so cute”. The flustered expression in Daeyoung’s face was mortifying for Riku, but besides the embarrassment, it was worth it everytime.
He felt something special blossoming between them, something he couldn’t quite name but knew was precious. And with that feeling came a fear that gnawed at him day and night: the possibility of not debuting alongside Daeyoung. The thought alone was unbearable. He didn’t just want to perform on the same stage; he wanted to share the highs and lows of idol life with him, every step of the way. If they weren’t in the same group, Riku was certain he’d regret it for the rest of his life.
To his immense relief (and borderline disbelief), it worked out. Both he and Daeyoung secured their places in the final lineup for NCT WISH, joining Sion, Yushi, Sakuya, and Ryo. For Riku, it felt like a dream come true. The chemistry between them was electric, both onstage and off. Their voices blended seamlessly, their dance moves synchronized as if they’d been working together for years, despite most of them having trained only for a short time. Their friendship shone in every interaction, and the future looked bright.
But for Riku, the dream was tinged with a quiet, persistent anxiety. No matter how much they achieved together, his feelings for Daeyoung made him feel uneasy. He was terrified that his emotions might sabotage everything they’d worked so hard to build. What if he let something slip? What if Daeyoung found out?
The idea of Daeyoung reciprocating his feelings was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. Riku had heard stories about male idols secretly dating within their groups, hiding their relationships under the guise of fanservice. It was possible. But if Daeyoung didn’t feel the same way? Riku wasn’t sure he could bear the rejection, let alone keep performing by his side without falling apart.
It seemed, however, that his inner turmoil wasn’t as private as he’d hoped. His bandmates had clearly noticed something was going on with him. They weren’t just close as performers, they were brothers now, and they knew when something was bothering one of their own.
One day during practice, one of Riku’s worst fears unfolded. Daeyoung had stepped out to the bathroom, leaving the rest of them in the room. The moment the door shut, the others pounced like hawks sensing an opportunity.
“You like Daeyoung” Sion said bluntly, his voice cutting through the air like a blade. He wasn’t asking, he was stating a fact.
Riku froze. He felt the heat rush to his face, spreading to his ears in a wave of panic. His mouth opened, instinctively ready to deny it, but no words came out. The sheer boldness of Sion’s statement had left him completely defenseless.
Seeing his reaction, Ryo stepped closer, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t try to deny it” he said gently, his tone reassuring. “It’s too obvious. But don’t worry.”
“You two look really good together” Yushi chimed in with a playful giggle.
Riku sighed deeply. There was no point in trying to fight it, they’d already pieced everything together. “Fine” he muttered, glancing down at the floor. “You win.”
The others exchanged knowing smiles, their teasing demeanor softening into genuine support. Despite the embarrassment, Riku felt a small sense of relief. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone in this as he thought.
"But he probably doesn't feel the same" Riku muttered, his voice tinged with quiet sadness. The thought had been circling in his mind like a relentless storm cloud, casting a shadow over the tentative hope his bandmates had sparked.
Sakuya let out an exaggerated sigh, rolling his eyes in frustration. "Riku hyung, why are you so dramatic?" he said. "It's obvious that he likes you back. You two are so disgustingly cheesy it makes me want to gag. Honestly, I’m tired of third-wheeling every time you so much as breathe in the same room. Just make it official already."
Sion chuckled, shaking his head fondly as he reached over to tousle Riku’s hair. "He’s not wrong" he said softly. "Daeyoung isn’t exactly subtle either. I’d bet good money he’d say yes in a heartbeat. We all just want to see you happy."
The earnestness in Sion’s tone made Riku’s heart tighten. He wanted to believe them, but the weight of his insecurities still clung to him. Before he could respond, the sound of the practice room door creaking open caught his attention.
Daeyoung stepped inside and walked toward Riku with his signature, radiant smile. He held an energy bar in his hand. "Here" he said warmly. "We’ve been practicing for almost five hours. You must be starving." His gaze softened, and his lips curved into an even sweeter smile.
Riku barely registered the grins his bandmates exchanged, their knowing glances practically screaming we told you so . All he could focus on was Daeyoung, who stood just a little too close, his presence overwhelming in the best way. Riku’s cheeks flushed a soft pink as he accepted the bar, fumbling slightly with the wrapper.
“Thanks” he mumbled, avoiding Daeyoung’s eyes but feeling their warmth all the same.
As Daeyoung turned to stretch before practice resumed, Riku’s gaze lingered. Why does he have to be so perfect? he thought, his chest tight with a mix of affection and longing.
Later that night, as Riku layed in bed, staring at the ceiling, Sakuya’s words echoed in his mind: It’s obvious that he likes you back. He thought about his interactions with Daeyoung over the past few months, replaying every shared moment, every gesture, every lingering look.
There was the way Daeyoung’s hugs always lasted a little longer than anyone else’s, like he didn’t want to let go. Or the subtle glances, those fleeting yet unmistakable moments when Riku would catch him staring, only for Daeyoung to quickly look away. And then there was his constant attentiveness, whether it was offering snacks, fixing a stray strand of hair before a performance, or asking if Riku was okay after a tough practice. None of these things seemed to happen with the other members, at least not with the same frequency or tenderness.
It has to mean something, Riku thought, his heart pounding.
A newfound determination settled over him. He couldn’t live in this limbo forever, constantly second-guessing every interaction. Starting tomorrow, he’d test the waters. Subtle flirts, playful comments, maybe even a little extra boldness, just enough to see if Daeyoung might feel the same way. It was time to stop hiding.
________
It was Sunday, a rare day off in their hectic schedules, and Riku took full advantage of it by sleeping in a little longer than usual. The sunlight filtered softly through the blinds, and the apartment was quiet, save for the faint clatter of activity coming from the kitchen. Riku stretched lazily in bed before finally dragging himself up.
The six members of NCT WISH were split between two dorms, with Riku, Daeyoung, and Yushi living in one while Ryo, Sakuya, and Sion resided in the other. Riku often felt lucky about the arrangement. Sharing a space with Daeyoung meant waking up to the scent of his cooking on mornings like this one. Daeyoung, ever the caretaker, loved making meals for his dormmates, and Riku really appreciated it.
Still groggy, Riku shuffled into the kitchen, drawn by the aroma of something savory. Sure enough, Daeyoung was standing by the stove, dressed in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants, his hair slightly messy but somehow making him look even more attractive. He was humming softly to himself, flipping something on the pan with impressive ease.
“Good morning, Riku hyung” Daeyoung said cheerfully, glancing. “I’m making omurice! I thought you might miss Japanese cuisine.”
There he was again, Daeyoung, being the epitome of husband material. Riku’s heart gave a familiar flutter. He missed home-cooked meals, the kind his mom used to make back in Japan, and Daeyoung somehow always knew how to make him feel cared for.
“Good morning, honey. Thank you very much” Riku replied, his voice turning a bit teasing. “I bet it will taste amazing.”
The term of endearment rolled off his tongue easily, and he watched Daeyoung’s reaction carefully. They often used nicknames like that during fanservice moments, but this time, there were no cameras, no fans, just the two of them. Daeyoung’s ears turned the faintest shade of pink as he returned his focus to the pan, smiling a little shyly.
Riku couldn’t help but be delighted by the subtle reaction. His attempt to flirt was going better than expected, and seeing Daeyoung flustered gave him a surge of confidence.
A few minutes later, Daeyoung brought two plates of perfectly plated omurice to the small dining table and sat across from Riku. “How is it?” he asked, his voice tinged with a hint of nervousness. “It’s my first time making omurice, so... I hope it doesn’t kill you.”
Riku chuckled softly and picked up his chopsticks, taking a bite. The creamy, flavorful egg paired perfectly with the rice. It was so good, it took him by surprise. Riku knew Daeyoung was talented in the kitchen, but this was next-level. He set his chopsticks down, his expression a mix of admiration and genuine delight.
“This is absolutely delicious” he said with a grin. “Even better than my mom’s, but don’t you dare tell her that.”
Daeyoung’s face lit up at the compliment, his nervousness melting away into a radiant smile. They continued eating in companionable silence, though Riku couldn’t help but notice the faint tension that always seemed to arise when it was just the two of them. It wasn’t an uncomfortable tension, quite the opposite. It was the kind that made Riku’s heart race, an unspoken electricity that lingered in the air.
After finishing his plate, Daeyoung leaned back in his chair, his smile lingering. “Yushi went out earlier” he said casually “and he’s probably going to spend the rest of the day at Sion’s dorm. I was thinking… there’s this new restaurant I wanted to try for lunch. Do you want to come with me? I’ll treat you! And after, we could head to the Han River for ice cream. What do you think?”
Riku blinked, caught off guard by the offer. It wasn’t unusual for them to go out together, but every time Daeyoung suggested something like this, it felt like a date. And even though Riku knew better than to read too much into it, the thought always left him giddy. He felt his cheeks grow warm as he nodded.
“Sounds nice” he said, keeping his tone casual despite the tiny swirl of excitement in his chest. “We haven’t done that in a while.”
Daeyoung’s smile widened, his enthusiasm shining through. “Great! Go do whatever you need to get ready, and we’ll leave in about five hours.”
Riku stood up, his heart still fluttering as he carried his plate to the sink. He couldn’t help but notice how happy Daeyoung looked, happier than usual. As Riku walked back to his room, he found himself grinning like an idiot. Five hours, he thought. That’s plenty of time to make sure I look my best.
_________
It was a cozy little Chinese restaurant on a quiet street. The air was filled with the comforting smell of spices and steaming food, but Riku wasn’t paying much attention to that, though. It was good food, sure, but what really mattered was that he was here with Daeyoung.
The two of them sat across from each other at a small table by the window, their shared laughter and conversation filling the space between them. The restaurant wasn’t crowded, which made the atmosphere calm and laid-back, perfect for a chat. They talked about their trainee days, laughing at the awkward moments from when they were just starting out, learning new dances, and navigating their way through early performances. Riku told a funny story about a time he accidentally embarrassed himself in front of the entire group during a practice session, before Daeyoung entered the company, and Daeyoung responded with a teasing “That’s nothing compared to the time I tripped backstage during our first showcase.”
The conversation shifted to their upcoming comeback, and Daeyoung seemed less upbeat than usual. He seemed worried, absentmindedly pushing his food around his plate. Riku noticed immediately.
“Is everything okay?” Riku asked, setting his chopsticks down, his tone more serious now.
Daeyoung sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s this one song, you know which one” he began, his voice carrying a tinge of frustration. “It's the most romantic track on the album, and I can’t seem to get the right feeling for it. I’ve been practicing nonstop, but every time I sing it, it just doesn’t feel...right.” His brows furrowed, and he looked down at his plate as though the answer could somehow be hidden there. “We’re recording the final version soon, and I don’t want to mess it up.”
Riku leaned forward, his expression softening. “I get it. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself. Sometimes you just have to let go a little.. ”
Daeyoung looked at him for a moment, eyes searching Riku’s face, before nodding slowly. “Yeah, you’re probably right...”
Riku’s mind raced, trying to think of something that might help Daeyoung open up more. He thought that maybe this was a delicate subject for his bandmate, and if there was one thing Riku had come to understand, it was that Daeyoung had a habit of keeping things bottled up.
“Hey, think about it this way” Riku said, a teasing edge creeping into his voice “just imagine one of the girls you dated when you were younger. Think about how you felt back then, and let that guide you. I’m sure it’ll help.”
Daeyoung was quiet for a moment, his gaze drifting out of the window as he thought. The silence stretched between them before he finally spoke.
“To be honest, I don’t think there’s ever been a girl I’ve even liked” Daeyoung admitted, his voice quieter than usual.
Riku’s eyes widened, his curiosity taking over. “Wait, what? You’ve never liked anyone?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
Daeyoung shifted in his seat, a hint of pink spreading across his cheeks. “That’s not exactly what I meant” he said, his voice faltering slightly as if he hadn’t quite figured out how to say what was on his mind. “I just... I’ve never felt attracted to girls. I’ve always been more focused on singing. It’s just been about that for me.”
Riku’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t expect this kind of honesty, at the same time, it made him nervous in a way he couldn’t quite describe. “So, you like boys then?” Riku asked, his words slipping out before he could stop himself. His voice carried a teasing, playful note, but there was also a little bit of hope, and he silently prayed Daeyoung wouldn’t catch it.
Daeyoung’s eyes locked onto his, and Riku felt a brief pang of fear. But then Daeyoung’s lips twitched into a small smile, as if he found Riku’s question amusing. “Maybe” Daeyoung answered after a thoughtful pause, his tone casual, yet filled with a slight hesitation. “I don’t really know. And you? What do you like?”
Riku felt his breath catch in his throat, his mind racing. I like you. But he couldn’t say it, not yet. He wasn’t sure how Daeyoung would react, and even though he desperately wanted to be open, he had to tread carefully.
“I’m gonna be honest” Riku said, his voice steady despite the butterflies in his stomach. “I’ve dated a few boys back in Japan.” He looked at Daeyoung, a bit worried that his revelation might make things awkward between them. The last thing he wanted was for Daeyoung to feel uncomfortable around him now.
But to his relief, Daeyoung just smiled warmly, his hand reaching across the table to gently pat Riku’s. “Thank you for trusting me” he said softly. “Your secret is safe with me.”
Riku exhaled, the tension easing out of his body. “Well, it’s not really a secret. I’m pretty sure everyone has guessed by now.” He chuckled nervously, trying to keep things light.
Daeyoung laughed. He took a bite of his baozi and looked back up at Riku, his expression playful yet curious. “What’s it like? Kissing a boy, I mean.”
Riku felt his face heat up, his mind racing at the unexpected question. Why is he asking me this? He cleared his throat, trying to play it cool even though his heart was beating faster than he could keep up with. “You might not have dated before, but I’m sure you’ve kissed a girl, right?” Daeyoung nodded. “Well, it’s kind of the same, I guess. Just...a little rawer, more primal.”
Daeyoung hummed thoughtfully, clearly processing the answer, and Riku tried not to imagine what it would be like to kiss him himself. He quickly focused on his food, feeling his pulse quicken, but keeping his expression casual. The silence between them was comfortable, and Riku felt like maybe there was a chance.
They finished their meal, and Daeyoung paid for both of them before they walked to the Han River, only a few minutes away. The usual hum of the city slowly faded as they made their way toward the calm of the river. Daeyoung stopped at a nearby ice cream cart and bought two cones, mint-choco for Riku and chocolate for himself.
They sat on the grass, the river unfolding in front of them. The place was quiet, with only a few people far away from them. It felt like a rare moment of peace, as if they were just two friends spending time together without the pressures of their idol personas.
Riku glanced at the water, his expression calm. “Thanks for bringing me out. I really needed a day like this” he said softly.
Daeyoung smiled, looking out at the river too. “I needed it as well. Our schedule has been so packed. And honestly, I love our members, they’re like family to me, but I like to hang out with you the most. We just click, don’t you think?”
Riku nodded, the warmth in his chest growing as he thought about everything they’d been through together. “We really do. I’m so happy we debuted together” he said, his voice filled with sincerity.
Daeyoung’s smile softened, and he looked at Riku “You know, I never thought we’d end up friends” he admitted. “You’re so much cooler than me, you’re such an amazing dancer, your rap skills are unbelievable, and you’re so charismatic! I’m just a guy who sings. But I’m really glad we are friends now.”
Riku laughed quietly, touched by Daeyoung’s humility. “I feel the same way. I’ve looked up to you too ever since you started training with us. Your voice is incredible, and you improve so quickly. We each bring something different to the table.”
They both smiled warmly while finishing their ice cream cones. It was getting late, and the demands of the upcoming days started to weigh heavily on their minds. With a packed schedule ahead, rest was a priority, so they decided it was time to head home.
To their surprise, Yushi was already there when they walked through the door. The sight of him lounging casually in the living room caught them off guard. They had assumed he would still be with Sion, after all, it was no secret that there was something between those two. If anything, they expected him to be hanging out at Sion's room for the entire evening.
“Hi, lovebirds” Yushi greeted with a sly grin, sinking into the couch with an ease that belied his usual shy demeanor. Known as the quietest in the group, Yushi rarely spoke up in public, often preferring to stay in the background, but in private, he was surprisingly witty and playful.
Daeyoung chuckled, his ears turning a light shade of pink, and quickly excused himself to the bathroom. Riku, left standing awkwardly, shifted on his feet until Yushi beckoned him closer with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“So” Yushi whispered once Riku was closer “how was the date?”
“It wasn’t really a date” Riku mumbled, glancing toward the bathroom door nervously. “But...it sort of felt like one.”
Yushi raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued, and gestured for Riku to continue. With a quiet sigh, Riku recounted the highlights of their day together, speaking softly and keeping it brief. Though he tried to sound casual, there was a certain warmth in his voice that gave him away.
“Sounds like a win to me” Yushi said, his grin widening. “I really hope things work out between you two” his tone was supportive, though the playful glint in his eyes hinted he couldn’t resist teasing just a little.
Riku smirked, tilting his head. “I hope things work out between you and Sion hyung too” he quipped, his voice laced with mischief.
Yushi froze for a moment, his cheeks quickly flushing a deep pink. “W-what are you even talking about?” he stammered, his attempt at indignation falling flat as he swatted Riku lightly on the arm. His embarrassment only deepened when Riku chuckled, clearly enjoying his reaction.
“Come on, you’re not exactly subtle” Riku said with a knowing grin.
“You’re the worst” he muttered, though the faint smile tugging at his lips betrayed the fact that he wasn’t entirely annoyed.
_________
Hours later, just as Riku was settling into bed, a quiet knock broke through the stillness of the night. Startled, he sat up, glancing toward the door. It wasn’t often that someone sought him out this late, and curiosity tingled at the edges of his mind as he shuffled over to see who it was.
When he opened the door, Daeyoung stood there, the light from the hallway casting soft shadows across his face. His usual calm demeanor was gone, replaced by an expression that was equal parts hesitant and anxious. He looked down for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, before meeting Riku’s gaze.
“Hyung” Daeyoung began quietly, his voice unusually uncertain. “Can I ask you a favor?”
Riku stepped back, allowing him to enter. He shut the door behind him and turned, studying his friend carefully. Something was clearly bothering Daeyoung, his shoulders were stiff, and his hands hovered awkwardly at his sides. Whatever he had come to say, it wasn’t easy for him.
“What’s going on?” Riku asked, concern creeping into his voice.
Daeyoung hesitated, his lips pressing into a thin line before he spoke. “Do you remember what we were talking about earlier today?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “About… boys and kissing?”
Riku blinked, caught off guard. He nodded slowly, the memory of their earlier conversation surfacing in his mind. A strange feeling settled in his chest as an idea formed, though he dismissed it quickly. There was no way Daeyoung was about to…
“I’ve been thinking about it” Daeyoung continued, his words tentative “and it’s been stuck in my head ever since. I just… I’m confused. And curious. I want to know what it feels like.”
The vulnerability in his voice made Riku’s breath hitch. Daeyoung shifted uneasily, his gaze dropping to the floor before flickering back up, his cheeks tinged with the faintest blush.
“You’re the only person I trust enough to ask” Daeyoung said, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke “and since you’ve done this before, I thought… maybe you could help me understand?”
Riku stared at him, momentarily at a loss for words. The weight of Daeyoung’s request was filling the silence with unspoken tension. His heart raced as he studied Daeyoung’s face, the faint pink coloring his cheeks, the nervous way his hands fidgeted…
Was he really asking what Riku thought he was?