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There were so many things that annoyed him lately, a stark contrast to five years ago – even nine years ago. Worst of all was how among them, was one very specific thing that was deeply tied to one person: Byleth Eisner.
Each day, without fail, she would check up on him. Always, always, even when he rebuffed her concerns and tried pushing her away. The saddened gaze that he felt at the back of his head during battle or in the chapel would always linger. What was worse is that Dimitri had come to expect her visits without fail, her presence an enigma that both haunted him and comforted him. It annoyed him.
Not like he was anything special, he reminded himself tartly. She spoke with everyone in the monastery, especially when it came to battle. Common logic dictated that she spend her time however she deemed it, whether that be frolicking around the monastery doing who knows what or chatting over the mundane.
Really, it should NOT be such an annoying distraction if she was a few minutes later than usual or if she decided to make better use of her time.
Yet there she was, talking to that annoyingly cheery gatekeeper. Why!? Dimitri wanted to scream. What could possibly be so important that she had to go out of her way to talk to the man practically every day? It was not as though he could tell her anything of value. Nothing that they hadn’t already discussed, in any case.
And even if he did have anything useful to say then surely he would be present at the meetings everyone else went to. Maybe he was, it would not surprise him at this point. But Sothis sake, could he not tell her everything he needed to say and just shut up?
Never before would he have wished to go deaf for a reason such as THIS. Just ignore and be done with it, he thought. Perhaps once they've finished their needless drivel, some semblance of normalcy could be restored. They certainly knew where to find him.
Sure, they had spoken during their time at the academy. But apparently they got along far better than he ever could have imagined. Especially these days, with the Empire at their heels and nothing but the broken remains of Garreg Mach.
“Wow, that’s just like the mock battle!” The gatekeeper exclaimed – loudly and grating – unwittingly dragging Dimitri’s attention to whatever nonsense he had to spout. “Remember how everyone was taking up the gazeebo so they could come up with a strategy to beat you? You really impressed them! Oh, and then there was the time they worried you’d win the White Heron Cup and tried coming up with a unique dance.” He laughed, the sound as equally irritating as his rambling. “Even the other house leaders were getting in on the fun! Especially the Black Eagles, their house leader definitely saw you as a worthy adversary.”
Ah yes, back when the only grievance he had with his stepsister was their differing views and an unspoken rivalry for the Professor’s attention. Truly nostalgic, he thought sarcastically.
It was always annoying whenever he was reminded of just how popular the professor truly was back at the Academy, even now. An unnamed bitter and childish part of him that he refused to acknowledge was still upset at Claude for taking Byleth’s first dance. How pathetic.
As though Claude is the sole person you’ve had such grievance with, his treacherous thoughts oh so kindly reminded him. He fought the urge to grimace.
Whatever. It’s not like she hasn’t spend time talking to the rest of their army. Before and after the war, in any case.
So why of all people did the GATEKEEPER bring such a level of irritation to the core of his being?
Laughter. He looked up and saw his professor smile at whatever the blasted fool said. The man in question was grinning from ear to ear at her, as though they were the closest of friends. Dimitri narrowed his eye at him.
Just who does he think he is?
In fact, did he even have a name? Not that he cared.
Turning away from bothersome view, Dimitri leaned against the nearby wall and tried tuning them out. It worked to some degree, being fortunate enough to not pay any heed to whatever topic was being spewed yet not enough to be rid of the man’s tenor. He almost wished the professor matched his liveliness, if only to drown him out.
Why had he even bothered to come out? Well, the answer was quite simple, really. Among the cacophany of voices that constantly berated him and reminded him of his mission, the absence of one in particular had become glaring. And before he knew it, he was leaving the ruins in search for the professor.
The dead wasted no time in mocking him for it. Even now, their jeers filled his head, taunting him for his weakness.
If only he could hide from them just as effectively as he hid from the two people merely a few feet away. Unfortunately, a moment of reprieve was far beyond his reach – and far beyond his worthiness.
His fingers dug into his palm, the gauntlets being the only thing preventing them from breaking the skin. So what? This was nothing compared to the terrors and torment he’s faced up until now. Nothing he couldn’t handle…
Just then, Dimitri glanced back and his heart nearly dropped to his stomach in horror at the sight.
Byleth was blushing.
Heedless of anything else, he stormed up to them, that knot of annoyance and worry growing as he caught that dastard’s cheeky grin while the Professor stammered and shyly averted her gaze.
“You two.”
The two of them were visibly startled by the encroaching figure. Surprise flickered on Byleth’s expression but the blasted fool in front of her looked increasingly nervous. Good.
“Dimitri?”
“Greetings, Your Highness! Is um, everything alright?”
Dimitri paid no heed to the professor. Instead, his focus was solely on the source of his annoyance, part of him relishing in the way he squirmed in his pressence.
“Your grating voice irritates me. I can hardly hear myself think.” He didn’t bother beating around the bush, making his feelings on the matter clear as day. “Either stop your incesant blathering or leave at once.”
“Oh! S-Sorry about that. I guess I hadn’t realized how loud I was being. All in good fun though!” He laughed nervously, only to be met by his stony silence. “I’ll try to to be more mindful. And uh, also get out of your hair while I’m at it.”
Whatever expression was on his face certainly did a fine job of expressing his distaste. “See that you do.”
“R-right! Sorry, Your Highness!” With that, he scurried away, leaving the two behind.
Dimitri narrowed his eyes. Good riddance.
Bright green eyes looked back at him, mouth tugged down in disapproval.
“That was rude. He didn’t do anything to you.”
Dimitri scoffed, fighting back the ridiculous pang of jealousy that rose from her scolding. “I beg to differ. Though I suppose it is just like you to coddle the army. Ever the caring professor.”
“It’s called basic decency. Although I’m surprised to see you out of the chapel.” She gestured towards the direction he came from with a raised brow.
“Believe it or not, professor, I take notice when things are amiss.” He crossed his arms, glaring down at her. “Such as your incessant need to visit my whereabouts, despite it being a fool’s errand."
A displeased hum escaped her. “So you say. But that doesn’t explain why you’re here.”
“You are nothing if not consistent. It is unlike you to deviate from the norm.” His blue eye stared pointedly at where the source of his annoyance previously stood.
Byleth actually looked surprised. “Has it really been that long? I hadn’t noticed.”
“Of course not. How could you when you were in the middle of such riveting conversation?” He spat, the sarcasm practically oozing from his voice.
There was something about his words that seemed to alarm her, judging by the brief tension on her shoulders. She studied him, her expression carefully guarded. “How much did you hear?”
“Does it matter? I don’t care about whatever drivel he was spouting. Just tell him to stop being so loud.”
Frowning further, Byleth’s response was flat. “If it bothers you that much you could have simply left.”
Oh, he HATED the logic behind her words – as well as the unjustified feeling of hurt that arose from them.
“Apologies.” He replied tartly. “I forget how much my pressence is a blight on everyone’s carefree spirits.”
Even hers, it seemed. That alone stung worse than it should have.
“I never said that. You don’t go out of your way to insult others like you did just now.” She shook her head, unable to wrap her head around his current demeanor. “I’m not sure why me talking to our comrades is such a problem all of a sudden.”
“Comrades.” A bitter chuckle left his lips. “Has it never occured to you that there are those with ulterior motives hiding in plain sight? That what they seek is something far more tantalizing with the posibility of death on the horizon?" Memories of each and every time a student or soldier gazed adoringly at her began to flow. It only served to fuel the anger he felt. It was obvious the gatekeeper was no exception to this. Not with how easily he resorting to charming her. "If you honestly think that he or any of these wretched fools consider you merely an ally, then you are sorely mistaken.”
Rather than flinch or argue back, Byleth let out a thoughtful noise, tilting her head ever so slightly. For some bizarre reason, her eyes seemed to soften at his reprimand.
“Were you worried about my wellbeing? I appreciate the concern but as you can see nothing happened. There was never any danger."
“That’s not—” His wretched tongue betrayed him before his mind could catch up. How could she not grasp a word he said? And why was she acting so calm? More than that, he despised how gentle she sounded, no doubt thinking of him. Shutting down the whisper pointing out she wasn't exactly wrong, Dimitri instead sneered. “Make no mistake. I care little for what you get up to.” Liar. “If I so much as thought you were incapable of defending yourself, I wouldn’t bother keeping you around.”
A frown marred her features once more. “Then sorry, but I’m not sure I follow.”
And she won’t, not with how utterly abysmal he was at saying anything. Why couldn’t she understand? Understand what? Even he didn’t know anymore.
With a growl, he averted his gaze as frustration began to mount. “This is a waste of time. Do what you please, just tell that fool to keep his blatant courting attempts to himself.”
Lest the sight drive me into further despair, went unsaid. Though deep down he knew he had no right to dictate who was worthy of her hand, much less hold onto some feeble delusion of chance.
Byleth’s irate look melted into confusion. “Courting? What are you talking about?”
“Please. You think I’m not aware of what he’s doing? You do not have to act the fool to save face.” Dimitri said, scowling. Although the alternative was not a reality that he was willing to face right now. Or ever, for that matter.
“I’m not sure I understand.” Byleth’s befuddlement only grew. “Nobody is courting anyone as far as I know.”
A faint flicker of hope surged to life in his dead heart before he crushed it. Most likely she was just oblivious to the other man's feelings. That had to be it. “Then you are an even greater fool than I thought. Since there’s nothing else, I’m leaving.” Turning away, he made his way back to the chapel before Byleth could say anything else, the sound of his boots against the stone ground almost deafening to his ears.
He could practically feel her curious gaze on his back and it brought a wave of embarrasment to him. Why did he do that? He did not HAVE to go up to them. He was being a fool.
You ARE a fool, Father’s voice hissed in his ear. Dimitri winced but agreed.
Not that it mattered. It was just a moment of weakness, a lingering remnant of his pathetic schoolboy feelings.
It couldn’t be anything else.
And he should NOT focus on anything other than killing the emperor and avenging the dead.
...Though it did not keep him from glaring daggers at the gatekeeper each time he saw him from here on out. Nor could it keep the bubble of resentment he felt each time he thought of the man and Byleth spending time together, no matter how brief it may have been.
He truly was a fool.
Dimitri shifted nervously as he approached the barracks. The setting sun had turned the sky an orange hue, signifying that it was long past the designated mealtime. It was hardly important to him, however. Not when there were far more important matters to attend to.
After the loss of Rodrigue back at Gronder, after the professor went out of her way to stop him from throwing his life away…For the first time in years, his mind felt clearer. Dimitri had personally gone out of his way to offer his sincerest apologies to everyone in the army, including those who had joined from the other houses.
However, there was one last person he had to apologize to, regardless of whether or not he was present throughout most of his outbursts. One who had remained the target of his ire, far removed from his goal of vengeance yet still deemed a threat to the part of him that he hoped to bury.
He had been especially petty to their resident gatekeeper during that time, snapping more often and deliberately going out of his way to ignore or intimidate him. Clearly, his revenge driven self was not above such immature antics. It brought a level of shame he was not prepared for.
Still, Dimitri vowed to make things right with everyone. From his recollection, the person he was looking for should be on his dinner break, judging by his absence from the gates. Now if only he had paid more attention to which route the Gatekeeper usually took on those rare occasions he left to eat…
So engrossed was he in his thoughts that he paid little attention to his surroundings. He was only jostled out of them when he nearly walked right into the very person he was hoping to apologize to, almost knocking them to the ground.
“GAH!” A surprisingly high pitched shout came from the gatekeeper before recognizing who he had bumped into. “Oh, greetings, Your Highness! I almost didn’t see you there!”
“Y-yes, of course. Pardon me, I had not meant to startle you.” Dimitri said after he helped steady the guard. He wasn’t sure what startled him more, the unexpected shouting or the nervous feeling that still accompanied him whenever he apologized.
The Gatekeeper let out a merry chuckle. “That’s alright. If anything, I should have been paying better attention. It’s my job, after all!” He quickly straightened his posture, alert as ever even in his jovialness. “Oh, but is there something you needed, Your Highness?”
“There is something I've been meaning to discuss. If I may...?” The Gatekeeper nodded his approval, waiting patiently for Dimitri to gather his thoughts. Deep down he was thankful nobody else was around. While he would not be opposed if there were others nearby, this was something he felt needed to be discussed in private. Mainly in regards to why he held such disdain for the poor guard. He looked him in the eye, words heavy with remorse.
“I wanted to apologize to you for my abhorrent behavior. I was needlessly callous to you for no reason. You did nothing to me, nothing at all to deserve that, and yet I treated you terribly.” Running a hand through his hair, Dimitri could not help but grimace at the recollection of his jealousy. A sentiment he was ashamed to admit he still harbored deep down. “And all over something so childish, I..." He sighed, the words unable to come out and admit the root cause of his anger. "There is no excuse for my actions but I wish to make things right.”
“Oh, no need to worry, Your Highness! Apology accepted.” The man’s smile was bright and cheery. So much so that Dimitri felt like he was staring directly at the Sun. It made him feel all the more guilty for thinking poorly of the man whose only crime was spending time with Byleth.
Still, his reaction to his remorse, no matter how genuine it may be, struck him as rather odd. He forgave him so easily, as though Dimitri hadn’t been treating him like horribly over the last few moons.
“You do not seem terribly angry over my transgressions. May I ask why?”
“Well, I won’t lie and say I wasn’t a little scared of how you acted. You can be pretty intimidating, Your Highness.” He laughed nervously, no doubt remembering all the threatening looks and barbed words he was subjected to. “At the same time, you always followed the Professor’s orders in battle, even when you complained otherwise. And I also saw some of the good you did around the monastary when you thought no one was looking. You even pat one of the orphans on the head one time!"
He…did not think that really warranted such an easy acceptance of his apology. A few moments of kindness and following orders in battle was hardly enough to take away from how cruel he’s been to everyone. Especially when they were few and far between. But before Dimitri could point that out, the Gatekeeper continued, “The Professor never doubted you would come back. She always spoke about you.”
His heart gave a pathetic flutter. “Ah, did she now?” The feeling did not last long. His brows furrowed, guiltily recalling his previous callousness towards her. "I can only hope I haven’t ruined whatever good will she had of me."
“Nonsense!” Gatekeeper looked aghast at the mere suggestion. “Why, the professor’s always been one of your most stalwart believers! Whenever anyone voiced any doubts about you, she was always the first to speak up on your behalf! Not once has she ever believed you were beyond help, it was always the opposite! The fact that you've come around just proves she was right not to give up hope!"
There was so much passion with which he spoke that it felt almost overwhelming. Each word brought to mind every instance the professor had stood by his side, making sure that he ate and got some semblance of rest, ensuring his safety in the midst of battle and checking for injuries he desperately tried to hide. Even when chiding him, each time that her kindness was met with his venom, Byleth was always there, believing there was good in him. Patience seemed to be a virtue she never ran out of, despite how unworthy he was of it.
Did he really deserve such a wonderful woman as his ally? Absolutely not. But he would do everything in his power to make up for all that he had done.
And to think there was someone else that also trusted her judgement regarding his ability to change. Someone unaffiliated with his old childhood friends or classmates. Difficult as it was to accept such kind words, Dimitri could not deny the honesty in his tone. What a solid gold fool he was to let get the better of him. This man had been nothing but kind to everyone, earnest and dedicated. It was no wonder the gatekeeper was able to win Byleth over so easily. Or at least had the capacity to do so. The knowledge was akin to getting run through with a sword.
He quickly dismissed the thought – this was not the time to let his selfishness and self pity take over, wretch that he was. Whatever happens from here on out, he would accept and strive to do better.
“Oh, sorry to cut this short, Your Highness,” Gatekeeper said suddenly, interrupting his inner dilemma. “But I’m afraid I need to head back to my post. I only meant to grab a quick bite.”
Dimitri smiled, feeling lighter after their conversation. “Yes, of course. I’d hate to keep you from your duty. Especially when it’s our most trusted guardian.”
“Really? Thank you, Your Highness! I promise I won’t disappoint any of you! You can rest assured that the monastery is in good hands.” He gave an eager salute. “Nothing will get past me!”
With a nod, Dimitri figured that was the end of it. However, just as he was about to leave himself, he suddenly leaned closer, the intent at stealth almost ironically exaggerated.
“Just between you and me,” The Gatekeeper whispered with a cheeky grin, “There’s a great spot not far from here that the Professor would definitely like. It's surrounded by flowers and has the best view of the sunset. Perfect for couples.”
Stunned, Dimitri could only gape at the man as he struggled to process the information. “Wait, wha-”
“I’m rooting for you!”
With that said, the man practically sprinted away, nearly skipping with giddiness. It only served to further baffle Dimitri as he mulled over his words.
Had the man implied what Dimitri thought, nay, hoped he had? No, surely he misunderstood. It simply couldn’t be.
And yet...
Why else would it be pointed out to him? The metaphorical blade eased its preassure, replacing it with the feeling of weightlessness. Maybe it was wishful thinking on his part but if there was a chance, no matter how small, he could not ignore it. Not now that he’s promised to live for himself.
Dare he hope?
“There you are.” A familiar and beloved voice called out. Dimitri turned and spotted Byleth making her way towards him. His heart skipped a beat.
“Professor, this is quite the surprise. Have you been looking for me for long?” He hoped not. Dimitri wasn’t sure how long he’d stood there by himself but he hazard a guess that it was longer than he thought.
“It’s late. You’ve already missed dinner.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I hope you’re not overworking yourself again.”
Dimitri chuckled. “It is the least I could do after forcing you to make up for my incompetence. But rest assured, that isn’t the case right now.” He was quick to inform her when he noticed her disapproving look. “There was merely someone I wished to make amends with.”
“I see,” Byleth replied, a small smile tugging at her lips. “And did everything go well?"
"Far better than I could ever have hoped." A sudden thought occurred to him. He couldn't help but inquire, “Say, Professor…From the sound of it, you’ve been searching for me for quite some time. Have you eaten yet?”
Her small hand tapped her stomach. "Since you asked, no. I was actually hoping to eat alongside you. Assuming you’re not too busy, that is.”
“I’m never too busy for you, Professor.” With the Gatekeeper's last words to him still ringing in his ears, he mustered up the courage. “In fact, I heard there was a place near the monastery that holds a great view. Though I cannot say I'm too familiar with it...Perhaps we could go there?” Her eyes widened and Dimitri quickly backtracked. “That is, if you’d like to! We could still eat at the kitchens or...” His momentary panic melted away at her quiet laughter.
“No, it’s just…I was actually planning on asking you to go there for a while now." Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Byleth's shy smile turned pensive. "I’ve only mentioned it to one person, however…”
Realization dawned on Dimitri and noise caught between surprise and relieved laughter escaped him. "A-Ah, is that so? I'm honored you wished to invite me." He cleared his throat, unable to keep the foolish grin off his face. "In any case, the hour grows late and we only have a few hours of light left. Since you're more familiar with its location, I'll follow your lead." He offered his arm to her. "Now then...Shall we?"
"Of course." She linked their arms together as they left. The chill of the evening air was nothing more than a mere breeze compared to the warmth of her smile.
Once the war ended, the engagement between the new Archbishop and King of a united Fódlan was announced to the public, to the joy of many. The love between them was clear to see, all the way up to the appointed day. It was said that among those invited to the wedding was Garreg Mach’s most loyal Gatekeeper, who wept tears of joy at the union.