Work Text:
“Rage Baiting my Dad into Asking his Best Friend Out”
Chris smirked as he typed the sentence out in his notes app. He wasn’t an influencer, he wouldn’t say, but his videos on TikTok blew up daily often, with a few hundred thousand likes. His specialty was prank videos that were a drawn out sort of funny, with an emotional punch to them.
It had been a few weeks since his last series— that, funny enough, ended with two of his teachers getting together— so he was overdue for another. Fortunately, the last series had given him his best idea yet. Denny’s moms, and by extension, the rest of the 118, were always groaning and complaining about how Buck and his dad needed to ‘get their shit together.’ So, how mad could anyone be, truly, if he were to…meddle. A little.
Ok, so his five part plan to rage bait his dad was pushing the whole ‘respect your elders’ thing since it would require him to lie to his dad about Buck, but in his defense, it was hilarious to see his dad jealous. He either made the pettiest little comments with the bitchiest look on his face, or looked like his head was about to light on fire, like that character in Inside Out, the movie he had, regrettably, forced Buck to watch with him no less than 72 times back when he was 9 years old.
So, everything considered, if the plan worked and he provided the kick to his dad getting together with the actual love of his life, his dad can’t really begrudge him the means, he decides.
Buck was on a 48, covering for Torres, a guy on B-shift who just had a baby. He had gone into labor earlier than expected, and since Buck owed him a favor, he had been his first call for cover. Buck was ecstatic, as he always was at the mention of babies, and had immediately assured Torres that he would take the shift. Dad had pointed the entire night about it.
“Did you have plans with him?” Chris had asked, tilting his head and trying to remember if Buck had mentioned anything.
“No, but he mentioned a new booth at the community market and I wanted to go.”
“I mean, you can still go.” He was not volunteering to go with his dad, because it was hot and he would rather stay home playing games with his friends, but his dad just shook his head forlornly, reminding Chris of that meme with Kermit the Frog gazing out the window.
“It’s just not the same.” And his dad— honest to God— slumped down on the couch, crossed his arms, and glared at the blank TV screen.
“Okkkkk…” Chris slowly retreated from the room, wondering how on earth his dad didn’t realize his feelings for Buck yet, which led him here.
“Rage Baiting my Dad into Asking his Best Friend Out”
- tell him that Buck mentioned a date
- tell him that i don’t think Orville Peck is attractive (he looks exactly like Buck)
- tell him that someone at school said Buck couldn’t be a model
- tell him that Buck’s parents never let him get a cat (this is true but also I think he’ll get a cat lowkey for Buck and I want one)
- tell him that Josh is about to ask Buck on a date (need to consult Maddie on how Josh acts so this is extra realistic)
This was going to be incredible.
Part 1
Two days later, Chris was set. His phone was propped up in the corner of the dining room, showing a clear view of he and his dad sitting at the table, eating. He was letting it roll, figuring he could edit it later and ease into the topic so his dad didn’t suspect anything. Thankfully, his dad was sickeningly in love with Buck and couldn’t go ten minutes without bringing him up.
“I’m so glad we didn’t have to get takeout, my arteries were about to burst.”
Yes, Buck had thrown a few meals in their freezer before he worked his 48, citing Eddies annoyance when it came to cooking and how he ‘couldn’t let his boys starve.’
No, his dad did not realize that was basically a declaration of unending love.
“This is better than takeout anyway.” Chris responded. It was easy bait, dangling the opportunity to compliment Buck in front of his dad’s face. Sure enough, if he had ears, they would’ve shot straight up.
“It is! Honestly, I don’t know how Buck does it, he could be a professional chef at this rate. I mean, I’d pay twice as much to eat this as any old restaurant food. Maybe he can come over tonight to finish off the last dish he brought. He might still be sleeping off this shift though…”
Chris feel the clouds part, the sun shine down, the dew on the grass—
“Hmm.” He slowly finished chewing his bite and swallowed. “I don’t think he’s coming over tonight, he mentioned he had a date after his shift.”
He almost felt bad at how fast his dad’s face dropped. Almost.
“But I’m sure he could come after, maybe we can text him to bring ice cream!”
“Unless the date goes well.” Dad grumbled, stabbing his food with the fork. “Maybe he’ll deign to join us.”
Chris could laugh at the irony of him acting bereft of Buck’s attention while eating a meal that Buck had cooked from scratch and frozen so he wouldn’t have to cook, knowing that Dad got impatient with it.
He could laugh, but he didn’t, because he was a professional and had a rage bait series to complete.
“I think it’s a second date, so I guess it’s going well.”
Dad scowled, then met Chris’ eyes across the table and forced a wide smile on his face. Frightening, but ok. “That’s great. I’m happy for him.” The words were flat and timeless, his mouth barely moving as he forced the words out.
Chris let it go, but had to stifle his laughs in his pillow a couple hours later while he edited the video. This was going to be too easy.
Part Two
Part one of his series had gotten a good response. He made sure to block Buck so he couldn’t snitch to Dad about Chris’ new series and the first video was filled with comments from people telling him to ‘put that poor man out of his misery already.’
He had acted sufficiently confused when Buck had not, in fact, had a date that night, and cited his confusion with the fact that Buck always called babysitting Jee a date and how was he supposed to know he didn’t mean a date when he said it so casually?
Now, for part two, he had an opportunity the very next day as Dad flicked on the music in his truck on his way to drop Chris off at school. He had been on a bit of an Orville Peck kick recently which is how Chris got the idea for this part of his series. He was convinced, as were Aunt Hen and Aunt Karen, that his dad’s obsession was because he looked sort of like Buck.
Chris didn’t see it, but he wasn’t the one grossly infatuated with his best friend, one Evan Buckley, so he figured his data was probably skewed. Which meant, luckily, he wouldn’t have to lie for this part. Dad hadn’t caught onto his last lie, but it wouldn’t do to be busted before he even got halfway through the series.
“One of my friends at school thinks Orville Peck is hot.” He said, after sticking his phone in the cup holder to his right in the passenger side to show a view of his side profile and perfectly capture his dad’s expressions when he glanced over.
“Oh yeah?” He looked bemused, as if it hadn’t crossed his mind that other people have two eyes and can see his celebrity crush too.
“Yeah.” Chris shrugged, taking a quick peek at Dad out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t see it though.”
“What?” It came out a little baffled.
“Yeah.” Chris continued. “Like, I don’t think he’s all that, he just looks like every other guy.”
“No, he—“ Dad sputtered. “What do you mean? You don’t like him?”
Chris shrugged, knowing the motion was driving his dad up a wall. “I mean, he’s no Tom Cruise.”
He was playing with fire here, because while he was aware that his dad had a crush on Tom Cruise since childhood—thanks Tiá Adriana— he was putting all his money on the connection between Orville Peck and Buck, hence, alan dunk.
“Ok, pause.” Chris always laughed at the little phrase Buck had picked up and passed onto his dad. His dad switched lanes and kept talking. “Tom Cruise is great, but Orville Peck?”
He hit his blinker again and Chris frowned in confusion as they pulled over on the side of the road, slowing to a stop. His dad fully turned in his seat to face him.
“Orville Peck wins, hands down. I mean, his voice for one, like a baritone, and—“
Oh boy.
Dad kept explaining all the quirks of Orville Peck, which were starting to sound suspiciously similar to the traits of one blond haired, blue eyed, mutual best friend of theirs, until Chris started groaning about how he was going to be late to school if they didn’t get off the shoulder this decade.
Chris looked at his phone during lunch to see five articles about Orville Peck and an hour long video interview.
Down bad.
Part Three
“—and so I told him that he’s jealous because she’s so successful and he’s not so—“
“Mhm.” Dad nodded along as he popped some popcorn into the microwave, pressing a button and turning to search for some butter seasoning.
Chris had set his phone up to face him and was recording from the back camera as he faced his dad.
“—like, she is an actor, a director, an artist, and a model, and then he laughed at me saying model as if that’s not hard work so Penny starting talking about what it takes to be a model, not just looks—“
His dad grabbed some milk out of the fridge and poured it into two mugs, dumping some hot chocolate mix in and swapping it for the popcorn in the microwave, humming to let Chris know he was still listening.
“— then Jack, you know Jack, jumped in to say that some people could model just based on looks, then Penny laughed and said ‘yeah, like Chris’ Buck’ and of course i started gagging and she was laughing and then Ben snorted and said that he couldn’t even be a model based on looks! Like ok, I was laughing but why are you ?”
Eddie choked on the piece of popcorn that he had thrown into his mouth, his face going red as he tried to regain a normal breathing pattern.
“What the f-udge? Buck could absolutely be a model, has Ben even seen him?”
“I know, right?” Chris asked, morosely.
“I mean, come on. Buck gets hit on all the time on shift. He would definitely be in that damn firefighter calendar if he ever applied again, and he’s literally the definition of sunshine. These kids don’t know what they’re talking about.”
Chris just sat back and watched as his dad spiraled.
“I mean, yeah, ok, you have to be attracted to men to be attracted to him, but, I mean, he’s kind of objectively hot. Even just his smile can make your day better. You’re right, Superman, that kid has no idea about the modeling world.”
“What do you know about modeling?” Somehow, probably because his dad is too dazed thinking about Bucks megawatt grin, it comes off as curious and inquisitive, instead of leading.
“I…that’s…well…” He paused to stir the hot chocolates and put them in for more time before placing his hands on his hips and staring at Chris. “I have two sisters, you know.”
Chris just laughed, changing the subject. If his dad’s contemplative mood the rest of the night was anything to go by— and the way he kept staring at the jacket Buck had forgotten last time he was there— he was almost there. What’s another couple of shoves?
Part Four
Listen, Chris never said this wasn’t self serving. His dads finally getting together, Buck probably staying permanently, and, newest addition, a cat.
Buck was off babysitting Jee for a couple of hours, and Chris hugged out a long sigh, eyeing his dad out of the corner of his eye.
“What’s wrong?” His dad looked a little worried. Fair enough, considering the past year.
“Just something Buck said.” His phone was propped up on the TV stand, while he lounged on the couch and Dad moved to sit in an armchair.
“What did he say? Is everything alright?” He frowned as his phone, like he was personally offended that Buck hadn’t texted him.
“He’s fine. I guess he’s always wanted a cat but when he was a kid his parents told him he was too reckless to have a kitten and would just hurt it.”
Dad’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed, the way Chris recognized from every other time the Buckley parents were mentioned.
“Did they.” It wasn’t a question, not really, but Chris acted like it was.
“Yeah, he said that Aunt Maddie said they were going to get Daniel one but never got the chance so he thinks that—“
“Let me in a ring with them, I swear to—“ Then his dad was up, shoving his feet into his shoes by the door and snatching his keys, his face red with anger and his foot tapping the floor so some beat only he knew. “Well, come on.”
“Huh?” Chris was getting whiplash. Sure he’d thought—
“The animal shelter closes in an hour, let’s go!”
Chris grinned, grabbing his phone from its perch while his dad had his back turned opening the door and moving to slip on his own shoes. He vlogged snippets as they drive the the animal shelter, met a few kittens, settled on one that reminded them of Buck, and headed back to the house.
“Ok, before we get back—“ Dad eyed him out of the corner of his eye. Chris hummed in question. “Just…follow my lead, alright?”
Chris started filming again when they pulled up at the house, Buck’s Jeep in the driveway. Dad was cradling the adorable kitten to his chest as they walked in and Buck rose from the couch to greet them.
“Hey guys, where have you— oh my god is that—“
Dad grinned, looking at Buck like he was about to start photosynthesisizing because of his presence. “We found this little guy out on his own, so we decided to adopt him.”
Buck started making cooing sounds as he reached out to pick up the kitten, who blinked curiously up at him with his matching blue eyes.
Chris zoomed in on his Dad’s red cheeks and then to Buck as he looked back to Dad like he was the one making the world turn.
“We have to go get him…her?” He flipped the kitten and then cradled it back to his chest. “We have to get him all his stuff. Are you doing something right now?”
“Nope.” His dad beamed. “We’re all yours.”
Part Five
Research done and out of the way (yes, research was a phone call with Aunt Maddie), Chris was ready for the final part of his series. He had told his followers on TikTok that he would have it up by Saturday morning, which means that today, Friday, was the perfect time for the final part. After all, they usually hung out as a family on Fridays, so if Buck were to dip for a date, especially with Josh, he couldn’t imagine it not being the tipping point for his dad.
Aunt Maddie had assured him that she would stall Buck so he would have time to complete his plan, which led to him sitting— and filming— his dad checking his phone every five seconds and looking somehow annoyed and worried at the same time.
“He should be on his way back by now.” Dad said finally, looking up at him. “Did he text you?”
“No,” Chris started, taking a bite of some mac&cheese he had just reheated. “but yesterday when Jee was here she said that Josh and Aunt Maddie were talking about him asking Buck out so maybe they were just talking about that.”
“What.”
Sorry, Jee.
“Yeah. I guess Josh has liked him for awhile but didn’t want to say anything because, y’know, he’s Aunt Maddie’s brother. But Jee said that Aunt Maddie told him to go for it and he can’t wait forever.”
“Why did she say that?” His dad barked, pacing. “Josh, of course. He always was—“ He turned to Chris and pointed at him, as if he was pulling him into a conspiracy, his eyes a little wild. “Did you know about this?”
Chris frowned. “I mean, since Jee told me yesterday. I didn’t think it was important.”
Dad paced back and forth, running his hand through his hair, making it flop down on his forehead. “This is not good. Christopher! Badddd. This is bad.”
“Is Josh not a good guy?” Chris frowned, his tone questioning. It’s in moments like these, when he gets an adrenaline thrill by being in the middle of some drama that it really hits him that he and his dad are so related . His dad can groan about gossip and drama as much as he wants, but the second he gets a whiff of insider information, his ears perk up so fast.
“Is he…” Dad scoffed, throwing up his hands. “Oh, he is so great . Just wonderful. I don’t know why I didn’t put them together before! Of course. Of course! Go Josh!” He lifted his hands and started clapping sarcastically.
Chris bit his lip so hard he was afraid he was about to draw blood.
“Josh! Oh my god!” His dad mimed willing someone on the dance floor as he scowled, his eyebrows drawn together.
Chris wondered how he could make it worse.
“They’ve known each other for about seven years, right? That’s a long time.” He offered.
“Seven years! I’ve known him for seven years!” His dad raised his voice. Chris nodded sagely.
“I’ve been his best friend for seven years, Josh can’t just— and he’s not even funny! He won’t make Buck laugh, or…”
A key in the lock at the door had both of them swiveling their heads towards it.
Dad set his jaw at the doorknob turned. “I’ll take care of this.” He said, gravelly voice dead serious. In a few long strides, he was at the door right as it opened and Buck stepped inside, jumping a little at the close proximity.
“Jeez, Eds! Warn a gu—“
Chris, who had been looking down at his phone to make sure the angle was right, glanced up at the abrupt stop, only to see his dad pushing Buck against the door, shoving his tongue down his throat. And Buck was enthusiastically kissing back.
“Ok, gross!!” Chris yelled, dropping his phone to cover his eyes. “Oh my God, not in front of my mac&cheese!”
The video series blew up, the final part hitting a million views and comments rolling in. Chris didn’t get to see any for a week since he was slightly grounded, but his fans didn’t seem to mind when his first video post-grounding was his parents wedding. He finally unblocked Buck on the account and only pretended to be annoyed when he started posting comments asking for his dads @ on the videos. Chris guessed that if his dad was going to be smiling and laughing as much as he did now, that he could put up with some terrible flirting in the house.