Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Weirdos (affectionate)

Agaela: @Phainon

Phainon: wait

Aglaea: Care to explain yourself?

Phainon: in my defense

Phainon: he started it

Agaela: What are you? A child?

Anaxagoras: I mean, legally speaking…

Cipher: gossip???👀

Phainon: if you were there, you’d understand 

Agaela: @Cipher Phainon got into a fight

Cipher: did he win?

Phainon: it was a draw

Agaela: Really? That’s what you’re worried about?

Anaxagoras: I saw him in the hall. He’s got cotton up his nose, a busted lip, and a black eye forming.

Cipher: damn

Cipher: you got your shit rocked, didn’t you?

Phainon: it was a DRAW

Phainon: the teachers separated us before I could kick his ass into next week

Agaela: You’re lucky you only got off with a warning.

Phainon: principal Lygus loves me

Anaxagoras: He’s just happy you’re nowhere near as much trouble as that brother of yours

Phainon: pls let me pretend I don’t live in their shadows

Hyacine: Which brother are you talking about?

Cipher: probably penthus

Cipher: fun guy

Hyacine: Didn’t he force the school to close a month early bc he blew up every toilet with firecrackers?

Cipher: Y E P

Phainon: that's the one

Phainon: I swear he was suspended every other week 

Anaxagoras: It's a wonder he actually managed to graduate

Phainon: OH FUCK

Phainon: guess who just got transferred into my world history class

Aglaea: Please try to avoid getting into another fight today

Phainon: got it

Phainon: will fight him tomorrow

Cipher: tell me when and where so i can record it

Phainon: you got it

Aglaela: Why do I even bother?

Anaxagoras: Delusion, I assume

Cipher: lmao

Phainon: @Anaxagoras where are you?

Anaxagoras: dw about it

Hyacine: Would he not be in class?

Phainon: he’s the senior TA this hour

Phainon: @Anaxagoras pls come back

Phainon: your the only reason I’m passing this class

Anaxagoras: Wrong your

Phainon: *you’re

Phainon: fuck you

Phainon: see if I show up to practice this afternoon

Anaxagoras: no debate today dumbass

Phainon: fuk uhhhh

Anaxagoras: 🤨

Phainon: WHERE ARE YOU???

Aglaea: Class started 5 minutes ago. Please pay attention

Phainon: fine

Phainon: bye bye

Cipher: lol

Cipher: “bye bye”

Agaela: That means you too @Cipher.

Cipher: jokes on you this is my study hall

Cipher: shouldn’t you be in class too miss ma’am?

Cipher: calculus if I’m not mistaken?

Anaxagoras: haha

Anaxagoras: Listen to your child Aglaea

Aglaea: Aren’t you missing class right now?

Anaxagoras: I have an excuse

Agaela: Do you really?

Anaxagoras sent a photo

Aglaea: My apologizes

Aglaea: Next time just say you’re at the nurse’s office

Cipher: which organ is trying to kill you this time?

Anaxagoras: lungs 

Hyacine: Asthma attack?

Anaxagoras: Some cretin emptied an entire can of axe in the hall

Phainon: do you know who it was?

Aglaea: Phainon, I swear if you get into another fight before noon…

Anaxagoras: Nope

Anaxagoras: Was headed to class, then walked right into a noxious cloud and now I’m dying.

Phainon: need me to tell the teacher where you are?

Anaxagoras: No need. The nurse emailed him already.

Anaxagoras: Now put the phone down and pay attention 

Anaxagoras: That means all of you.

Cipher: ok dad 🙄

-----

Cipher: holy fuck phai

Cipher: your my new favorite freshie

Phainon: you know I’m a junior

Cipher: youll forever be a freshie in my heart <3

Phainon: what's “holy fuck phai”?

Cipher: oh yeah

Cipher: think I just saw the guy who tried to break your nose

Cipher: blond hair w/ red tips? built like a brick shit house?

Phainon: that’s him

Cipher: holy shit

Cipher: you got balls dude

Phainon: ???

Castorice: Please tell me Phainon didn’t fight the new transfer student

Cipher: see i would

Cipher: but then id be lyin

Phainon: wait, he’s new???

Aglaea: He is. 

Aglaea: Myself, along with the other stuco members gave all new transfer students a tour on the first day.

Phainon: well I still say he deserved it

Castorice: May I ask what he did?

Cipher: 👀

Phainon: ok so

Phainon: morning football practice, right?

Phainon: coach is having us run laps like usual

Phainon: normally, I’m in the lead bc I'm fast and have a lot of stamina

Cipher: you do have the endurance of like 10 draft horses

Phainon: this mf thinks he can just overtake me

Phainon: so I kick it into high gear

Phainon: he does too

Phainon: the rest of practice is like this

Cipher: so you punched him?

Phainon: i'm getting there hold on

Phainon: So so so

Phainon: we’re back in the locker room changing back before class

Phainon: I guess I was standing in his way or something 

Phainon: I feel a big ass hand on my shoulder and he just

Phainon: shoves me 

Phainon: so I shove him right back

Phainon: next thing you know it's a whole brawl

Phainon: it was quite fun

Phainon: maybe I can ask to fight him again

Castorice: huh?

Cipher: you got issues snowy

Phainon: yeah

Phainon: blame khaslana and penthus

Phainon: my role models in this life :)

Aglaea: I still think a family therapy might do you three some good

Castorice: seconded

Phainon: we’re finnneee dw

Phainon: it's how we show that we love each other

Anaxagoras: That may be the case with the three of you

Anaxagoras: But have you, by chance, forgotten that Penthus is the reason I’m blind in one eye?

Cipher: WAIRT

Cipher: WJAT

Cipher: that was PENTHUS??!??!?

Phainon: WE HAVE LONG SINCE ESTABLISHED THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Phainon: he literally bought you that gun as an apology bc he felt so bad

Aglaea: Hold on

Aglaea: Penthus Kephale bought you that fucking gun?

Cipher: 👀

Cipher: agy cursed

Phainon: @Aglaea dw, khaslana already ripped him a new one when he found out

Castorice: Every time I hear about Penthus, it's always something new

Anaxagoras: That's certainly a way of putting it.

Cipher: @Phainon can we go back to you wanting to fight the guy AGAIN?

Cipher: FOR FUN??

Phainon: ??

Phainon: what's so weird about that?

Phainon: oooo I should ask if he knows any martial arts

Phainon: he had incredible form he's gotta know some

Phainon: we could practice together 

Anaxagoras: Are you aware how insane you sound?

Anaxagoras: You literally got into a fist fight with the guy yesterday

Cipher: I say go for it

Cipher: think he could win against khaslana???

Phainon: lol no

Cipher: itd be fun to watch tho me thinks

Aglaea: How about we discuss the Kephales’ penchant for violence some other time.

Aglaea: Stuco is looking for volunteers who would like to help with the planning for homecoming this year. If any of you are interested, please stop by the Friday tomorrow afternoon.

Hyacine: Hello! 

Cipher: hi hi

Phainon: hellos!!

Castorice: Good afternoon Hyacine!

Hyacine: I'd love to help! What's the theme this year?

Aglaea: We want to discuss it at the meeting, but I have an idea I'm eager to present.

Castorice: I'll probably stop by as well. Polyxia's been wanting me to get more involved around the school.

Hyacine: pls do!!! It'll be great to have both of you there!

Castorice: @Anaxagoras I apologize, but it looks like we'll be missing practice that day.

Anaxagoras: Thanks for letting me know. Make sure the power doesn't get to madam president's head for us.

Aglaea: Like being captain of the debate team hasn't done anything for your ego.

Anaxagoras: I earned this position through merit and hard work. You won a glorified popularity contest.

Cipher: damn anaxa aint holding back today

Anaxagoras: IT'S ANAXAGORAS AND YOU KNOW THAT CIFERA

Cipher: hehe

-----

[Private chat]

Phainon: AGLAEA

Phainon: AGLAEA

Phainon: AGLAEA

Aglaea: Yes Phainon?

Aglaea: What do you need Phainon?

Aglaea: How can I help you Phainon?

Phainon: how tf did you type that quickly?

Aglaea: Skill

Phainon: anyways

Phainon: by chance, do you know the name of the transfer student I fought?

Aglaea: Mydeimos, I believe.

Aglaea: Any reason in particular you're asking me now?

Phainon: figured it would be polite to learn his name if I want to ask him to fight me again

Aglaea: You were actually serious about that?

Phainon: ‘course I was

Phainon: gtg, Khaslana is making me help with the grocery shopping

Phainon: say hi to the triplets for me!!

Aglaea: “Hi Snowy!” - All three, in unison.

Aglaea: Try not to cause a scene in the Costco.

Phainon: no promises <3

-----

Weirdos (affectionate)

Anaxagoras: Fire alarm pulled counter: 1

Hyacine: It's only week 1 😭

Phainon: what was the count last year?

Anaxagoras: 29 

Anaxagoras: That's excluding actual fires and drills.

Cipher: remember the time when that freshman set whatever she was making on fire and forced us to evacuate in a snow storm?

Castorice: Yep

Anaxagoras: That was horrific.

Phainon: I remember us in a penguin huddle of like 200 kids in the staff parking lot

Cipher: I could see phais head from across the huddle

Phainon: THE WIND WAS BLOWING SNOW IN MY EYES

Phainon: the curse of being tall I suppose 

Cipher: lol #shortysquadforever

Hyacine: The fire department is here!

Anaxagoras: Might as well get comfortable.

Anaxagoras: It takes them an average of 35 minutes before they let us back in.

Castorice: You were timing them?

Anaxagoras: Yep

Anaxagoras: I made it part of my stats project last year

Phainon: didn't you also have a chemistry project where you made several dozen pounds of tannerite to test the recipes?

Anaxagoras: Indeed 

Phainon: Penthus mentioned it once and I couldn't tell if he was fucking with me or not

Anaxagoras: He wasn't 

Anaxagoras: He's the one who gave me the idea, so I let him help me run the tests

Aglaea: Genuinely, why is it that every time you two are together without adult (responsible adult) supervision, something either

1. Sets fire
2. Explodes
3. Both

Anaxagoras: I'm a man of science and he's a pyromaniac. That's kinda the expected outcome.

Aglaea: @Phainon Does Khaslana know about all this?

Phainon: yeps

Phainon: he kinda encourages it actually 

Castorice: He does? Why?

Phainon: he knows penthus would be doing it anyway, and naxa is pretty safe about it

Phainon: also if something goes wrong, there's another person there 

Anaxagoras: Never call me that again or you'll be my test subject for my project on the efficacy of waterboarding.

Phainon: kinky

Cipher: what class would that be for?

Anaxagoras: There will be no aftercare <3

Anaxagoras: Psychology 

Anaxagoras: Dual credit 

Hyacine: How about we don't waterboard our friends :)

Hyacine: It is kind of a war crime

Aglaea: I doubt whatever university accepts the credit will be happy to see a known form of torture being the subject of study.

Anaxagoras: Wusses

Aglaea: I hope you understand that I’m saving screenshots of this conversation.

Anaxagoras: I knew you were, dw.

Anaxagoras: Don’t think I don’t have my own dirt on you.

Aglaea: What dirt? I have a spotless record.

Anaxagoras: February 17th, freshman year

Cipher: 👀

Cipher: secrets?

Aglaea: I was cleared of all suspicion by the proper authorities.

Anaxagoras: I have all the information I need to implicate you.

Phainon: Is this what the cold war felt like?

Phainon: Lana come pick me up im scared

Cipher: teachers aren’t looking

Cipher: we could make a break for it

Hyacine: Let’s not

Castorice: Let’s not

Phainon: How fast do you think you could scale the fence?

Cipher: 3 seconds easy

Cipher: i'm a parkour master :b

Cipher: you?

Phainon: 4 or 5. I have a bit more weight to consider

Cipher: honestly you could probs just charge through it and be fine

Aglaea: @Cipher @Phainon Stop planning to escape. We only have one more class left in the day. Your education is important

Cipher: fine mom

Phainon: ok mom

Anaxagoras: What are you, their mother?

Aglaea: I will rend your other eye blind with my sewing needles.

Phainon: mom and dad are fighting 😢

Cipher: 😿

Castorice: How will we fare in the harsh world all on our lonesome? 😞

Hyacine: At least we get 2 Christmases 😭

Anaxagoras: Why do I bother

Aglaea: Why are you all like this?

Castorice: Look!

Castorice: We’re going back inside!

Hyacine: That was quick!

Anaxagoras: Air conditioning my beloved

Cipher: ugh so close to freedom

Phainon: we’ll get out next time

Chapter Text

Weirdos (affectionate)

Agaela: The votes regarding this year’s homecoming theme are in.

Aglaea: (Drumrolls please)

Cipher: 🥁

Castorice: 🥁

Hyacine: 🥁

Phainon: 🥁

Aglaea: Wonders of Antiquity: A Visit to Ancient Greece

Anaxagoras: Any particular reason it needs to be so long?

Aglaea: No one asked for your input.

Phainon: was this your idea for the theme?

Aglaea: It was :)

Aglaea: I’m very happy it was well-recived.

Anaxagoras: @Castorice @Hyancine What did I say about letting the power get to her head?

Hyacine: It’s a very neat idea! She had a whole pintrest board and everything

Castorice: Compared to the other suggested themes, this one is by far our best option

Cipher: what were the others?

Castorice: The usual suspects

Castorice: 20’s, tropical vacation, hollywood, etc.

Hyacine: Someone did suggest a masquerade ball 

Hyacine: But it was Caenis and we don’t like her

Cipher: ew

Phainon: fuck caenis

Castorice: Polyxia ran over her foot ‘on accident’ if it makes you feel better

Phainon: it does

Phainon: she deserves homecoming queen for that alone

Cipher: could we train her dog to bite her too?

Castorice: I wish

Castorice: Pollux’s too nice for that

Phainon: a certified Good Boy™ 

Anaxagoras: I do enjoy how your sister has this massive beast of a cane corso, yet he’s the sweetest creature on the planet

Castorice: He is pretty great <3

Phainon: khaslana refuses to let us get a dog :(

Cipher: kill him

Aglaea: How is having a dog any different than living with Penthus?

Phainon: you do have a point

Cipher: the 3 of you are very dog coded

Cipher: phai is a golden retriever

Cipher: pen is a malinois

Cipher: and lana is a kangal 

Anaxagoras: That is…strangely accurate

Phainon: I do think lana would be willing to throw down with a bear if given the opportunity

Hyacine: Please don’t tell me your brother is regularly fighting the local wildlife

Phainon: dw, he doesn’t 

Phainon: he did punch trees for many years tho

Phainon: dont ask me why he just did

Castorice: I worry for your sanity, being related to those two and all

Phainon: you are not the first person to say that to me

-----

GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE

gods favorite chew toy: Penthus, you’re picking up Phainon from school today

geneva suggestions 😈: ok

geneva suggestions 😈: y tho?

gods favorite chew toy: work call

gods favorite chew toy: which one of you fucks changed our names again?

Phainomenon: :] 

geneva suggestions 😈: he gets me

gods favorite chew toy: so will the state one day

geneva suggestions 😈: they can try 

Phainomenon: I have football today btw

geneva suggestions 😈: got it

geneva suggestions 😈: i’ll grab you an ice cream from the gas station on the way there

Phainomenon: y a y

gods favorite chew toy: 🙄

gods favorite chew toy: you spoil him

geneva suggestions 😈: ofc i do hes my favorite brother 

gods favorite chew toy: I should have dropped you off at the orphanage when I had the chance

geneva suggestions 😈: but ‘cha didn’t!

geneva suggestions 😈: now youre stuck with this forever

gods favorite chew toy: everyday is a struggle in this household

geneva suggestions 😈: just remember

geneva suggestions 😈: it was your choice to get legal custody of us

geneva suggestions 😈: this hell is of your own making

gods favorite chew toy: and you have never once let me forget it

geneva suggestions 😈: and i never will :)

geneva suggestions 😈: o yeah

geneva suggestions 😈: check your sheets tonight before goin to sleep

gods favorite chew toy: I swear if there’s another goddamn snake in my bed I will break both your arms

geneva suggestions 😈: :]

-----

Weirdos (affectionate)

Phainon: Guess who has a new sparring buddy!!!!!!

Anaxagoras: oh good lord

Phainon: hes an mma guy!!!!

Phainon: and a boxer!!!!!

Castorice: ummm

Castorice: Congrats, I guess?

Phainon: i am  v i b r a t i n g

Cipher: thanks for sharing!

Anaxagoras: We do not need to know that

Phainon: with excitement!

Phainon: hes so cool!!!!!

Phainon: he transferred from kremnos!!!

Hyacine: Is this the guy you fought the other day?

Phainon: yeps!

Anaxagoras: Do we maybe have a name?

Anaxagoras: Or do we keep referring to him as ‘that guy’?

Phainon: his name is Mydei

Castorice: Oh him!

Castorice: He’s a library aide with me!

Castorice: He seems like a very nice guy, just reserved.

Aglaea: Phainon, I’m glad you’re making new friends, but must it be through physical violence?

Phainon: I don’t see why not

Phainon: worked for khaslana and penthus just fine

Aglaea: Okay, but do we consider them to be good role models?

Aglaea: Or even functioning members of society?

Phainon: khaslana has a great job! 

Aglaea: Doesn’t he work from home because of incredible agoraphobia?

Phainon: ?

Phainon: idk what that means

Phainon: he does it bc he likes the idea of someone always being there for us

Phainon: it was bigger thing when penthus was still in school and had all his issues

Hyacine: That’s actually really sweet <3

Phainon: ye

Phainon: he can be a hardass, but he really cares for us

Phainon: as for penthus…

Phainon: he’s just a menace

Anaxagoras: Preach

Anaxagoras: I will never understand how he isn’t in prison for serial arson.

Phainon: idk what youre talking about

Anaxagoras: The hell you do

Phainon: the less I admit to publically, the less that can be used against him in court

Hyacine: Love how we all agree that Penthus will be thrown in prison one day.

Anaxagoras: It’s a matter of when, not if.

Phainon: gtg, pen is here w/ my ice cream :)

Castorice: How much do we trust Penthus’ driving?

Aglaea: Not at all.

Aglaea: I trust nothing about that man.

Anaxagoras: Surprisingly, he’s not horrible.

Anaxagoras: It will feel like he’s auditioning for fast and furious, but he’s never been in an accident somehow.

Anaxagoras: Just don’t let him drive if you get motion sick easily

Anaxagoras: Spoken as someone who gets motion sick easily

Hyacine: Oh yeah

Hyacine: @Aglaea when is the next homecoming planning meeting?

Aglaea: Next Thursday after school.

Anaxagoras: SERIOUSLY?!??!

Anaxagoras: A DEBATE DAY?!?!?

Anaxagoras: WOMAN

Anaxagoras: YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME

Aglaea: I do.

Aglaea: But I’m not the one who picks the date.

Anaxagoras: That is a bold faced lie and you know it!

Aglaea: You have to remember, we have to work around the sponsor teachers’ schedules. 

Castorice: It’s alright.

Castorice: I can have Polyxia keep me updated on what you all discuss.

Anaxagoras: no no Cas, it’s alright. Please do whatever you like.

Anaxagoras: You too, Hyacine.

Anaxagoras : @Phainon I expect to see you there.

-----

[Private chat]

Hyacine: Hey, would it be possible for me to only attend half the meeting?

Hyacine: I did promise Anaxa that I would put my all into the team this season.

Aglaea: Of course.

Aglaea: All meetings are completely voluntary and it's up to you how many you want to attend.

Aglaea: If you’d like, I could send you the schedules for each meeting ahead of time so you can decide if there’s anything you particularly want to offer your input on.

Hyacine: That’s perfect actually!

Hyacine: Thank you so much Agy!

Aglaea: Of course.

Aglaea: Here’s the plan for next week

Aglaea: It’s mostly about timing and ticketing.

Aglaea: I know you are more interested in the art/decor side of it all, so no hard feelings by missing this one.

Aglaea: (I won’t blame you in the slightest)

Hyacine: 🥹

Hyacine: Aglaea I love you

Hyaicne: You’re the best!

Aglaea: I know 😏

-----

Weirdos (affectionate)

Hyacine: Looks like I’ll make it to practice this week Anaxa!

Anaxagoras: …

Anaxagoras: ok

Hyacine: my bad!

Hyacine: *Anaxagoras

Anaxagoras: You live another day

Hyacine: Hooray!

---

[Private chat]

Phainon: Hellos!

Phainon: this is Mydei, right?

Mydei: It is.

Phainon: yay

Phainon: (this is phainon btw)

Mydei: I figured as much

Phainon: I was thinking

Mydei: Don’t hurt yourself

Phainon: bitch

Phainon: anyways

Phainon: if youre free this weekend, meet up and have our great contest of champions?

Mydei: Sure

Mydei: I’ve got nothing else going on

Phainon: it's a date!

Phainon: stadium parking lot

Phainon: 10am Saturday

Phainon: that work ok for you?

Mydei: fine by me

Phainon: see you then!

-----

Weirdos (affectionate)

Hyacine sent a photo

Cipher: FAT FUCK

Phainon: OH LAWD HE COMIN

Castorice: How cute!!

Castorice: I love the bows!

Hyacine: pls stop calling him fat fuck

Hyacine: Little Ica is a perfectly healthy weight

Hyacine: You’ll make him self-consious 

Hyacine: Thank you Cas ☺️

Cipher: ok but that is an absolute chonker of a cat

Anaxagoras: What vet told you he’s a healthy weight?

Anaxagoras: You might want to look into changing offices.

Phainon: I say this with love

Phainon: but he is  r o t u n d

Hyacine: guys pls 😭

Anaxagoras: I watched him once eat an entire uncrustable, then his dinner, then that cat treat tube thing

Hyacine: And you didn’t say anything?!

Hyacine: How did he get an uncrustable?!

Anaxagoras: I was a bit busy wondering if his stomach was a black hole

Anaxagoras: You were babysitting the triplets and one of them set theirs down, then it belonged to Ica

Hyacine: Please don’t let him eat anything he’t not supposed to next time 😭

Anaxagoras: 👍

Cipher: hold on

Cipher: idea

Cipher has changed the name of the chat from Weirdos (affectionate) to fat fuck appreciation society

Hyacine: CIFERA PLEASE  😭

Phainon: I love it

Phainon: all hail fat fuck

Cipher: all hail fat fuck

Castorice: all hail fat fuck

Anaxagoras: all hail fat fuck

Cipher: may his voracity be a blessing to all

Aglaea: May I ask why we’re starting a cult around Little Ica?

Phainon: why not?

Cipher: bc His Chonkiness deserves it

Aglaea: …ok

Chapter Text

fat fuck appreciation society

Phainon: :]

Anaxagoras: oh no

Aglaea: What did you do?

Phainon sent a photo

Hyacine: WJAT THE FUKC PHAI

Cipher: …you good dude?

Aglaea: What did you do?

Anaxagoras: …Mydei?

Phainon: yep!

Phainon: he agreed to spar me!

Castorice: Are we sure it was just sparring?

Hyacine: I think you may need to go to the er

Cipher: got your shit rocked?

Phainon: only kinda

Phainon: we agreed on 10 rounds

Phainon: I won 5

Phainon: he won 5

Phainon: I’d say we’re pretty evenly matched!

Aglaea: Phainon Kephale please refrain from fighting other students.

Phainon: HE AGREED TO IT

Phainon: it wasn’t even an actual fight

Phainon: it was a sparring match

Anaxagoras: Because they’re so different.

Phainon: of course they are

Castorice: …I’ll believe you Phainon

Cipher: glad you had fun?

Phainon: I did 

Phainon: 😊

Phainon: I got to talk with him quite a bit too

Phainon: he’s a really cool guy!

Anaxagoras: I feel like you didn’t need to beat the brakes off each other to learn that.

Phainon: youre friends with penthus

Phainon: I think you knwo how this family rolls

Aglaea: Again, get a family therapist.

Hyacine: ^

Castorice: ^

Phainon: :( 

Phainon: !

Phainon: idea

Cipher: 👀

Anaxagorgas: This can’t be good. 

Phainon added Mydei to fat fuck appreciation society

Mydei: What is this?

Phainon: hellos!!!

Cipher: welcome to hell

Phainon: this is a gc with the friends I was telling you about!

Mydei: ok

Mydei: May I ask about the chat name?

Mydei: I’d rather not be here if we’re making fun of other people’s bodies.

Cipher sent a photo

Cipher: all hail fat fuck

Phainon: all hail fat fuck

Castorice: all hail fat fuck

Anaxagoras: all hail fat fuck 

Aglaea: all hail fat fuck

Hyacine: Agy you too?!

Mydei: That is one round cat

Hyacine: 😭

Mydei: all hail fat fuck ig

Cipher: youll fit right in <3

Castorice: Hello Mydei, how are you?

Mydei: Hello Cas

Mydei: I’m doing well

Mydei: Your friend is weird

Castorice: I’m aware

Anaxagoras: We’re aware

Aglaea: Hello Mydei, I would apologize for Phainon’s behavior, but I’m not responsible for that. 

Aglaea: I hope you’ve been having a decent time at our school otherwise.

Phainon: hey!

Phainon: 😡

Mydei: It’s quite alright

Mydei: He’s a formidable opponent 

Mydei: I respect it

Phainon: SEE?

Cipher: oh we see alright

Hyacine: Just try not to hurt each other too bad from now on!

Mydei: Where’s the fun in that?

Phainon: wheres the fun in that?

Anaxagoras: Ah shit there’s another one

Anaxagoras: How long before you introduce him to the family?

Phainon: probs never

Mydei: ?

Phainon: my brothers are insane

Anaxagoras: Phainon is the normal one in comparison

Castorice: I’ve only heard stories and I fear the day I meet them face to face

Cipher: speak for yourself

Cipher: penthus is great fun!

Aglaea: Penthus is on at least 3 federal watchlists

Anaxagoras: It’s definitely more than that

Mydei: Do I even want to know?

Aglaea: Remember how I mentioned how the gym floor was replaced a few years ago?

Aglaea: Penthus figured out how to set off the sprinkler system to the entire school.

Aglaea: The district spent that spring break replacing all carpet and the gym floor because of how warped it got

Cipher: i still think we shouldve played basketball on that thing before it got fixed

Hyacine: That would’ve caused so many twisted ankles

Mydei: damn

Phainon: honestly thats one of his tamer exploits 

Phainon: I’ll tell you about the anthrax incident in person some time

Mydei: im sorry the what

Phainon: I can’t say anything more over text

Phainon: You would not believe all the security programs Khaslana put on our phones to keep us from being tracked

Mydei: should I be concerned?

Aglaea: yes

Cipher: nah

Anaxagoras: probably

Castorice: yes

Hyacine: I am!

Mydei: …noted

Hyacine: Phainon said you’re from Kremnos? What brings you to Okhema?

Mydei: My father made some interesting choices so my mother decided to move us here.

Cipher: let me know if im overstepping

Cipher: but im a nosy bitch

Cipher: what does ‘interesting choices’ entail?

Mydei: Just a long history of being a shit human being

Mydei: He tried to kill me a few months ago so now we’re here

Phainon: wtf

Cipher: 😳

Hyacine: 😳

Castorice: Please tell me this was reported to the authorities

Mydei: It has. 

Mydei: Mom is in the process of filing for divorce and pressing charges

Phainon: are you like

Phainon: ok?

Mydei: I’m fine now

Aglaea: Is this something we need to be worried about moving forward?

Aglaea: I know I speak for all of us when I say we’d be more than willing to help in any way we could.

Hyacine: ^

Castorice: If you need anything at all, just let us know!

Mydei: I-

Mydei: Thank you, truly

Mydei: But we’re quite alright

Mydei: My mom made sure the man would probably never walk again

Cipher: good for her

Aglaea: Good on her

Castorice: I’m sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad that you’re here with us now!

Phainon: ^

Phainon: we’re happy to have you here!

-----

[Private chat]

Penthus: what the fuck happened to my brother?

Penthus : @Anaxagoras

Penthus: Anaxa get your ass on here

Penthus: ANSWER ME ANAXA

Penthus: SOMEONE HURT MY BOY

Penthus: WHO DO I NEED TO KILL?!?!!!

Penthus : @Anaxagoras

Penthus : @Anaxagoras

Penthus: ANAXA

Penthus: I HAVE A BIG ASS SWORD AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT

Penthus: JUST GIEV ME A NAME NAXA

Anaxagoras: holy fuck chill out

Anaxagoras: He’s fine

Anaxagoras: Apparently it was a mutual agreement to spar

Anaxagoras: For 10 rounds 

Penthus: huh

Anaxagoras: You already have the sword out, don’t you

Penthus: yeah…

Penthus: who tf is he sparring with tho?

Penthus: khaslana has been training him to fight since he was a kid

Anaxagoras: Some student from Kremnos

Penthus: 👀

Penthus: im intrigued

Penthus: …tell me more

Anaxagoras: I honestly don’t know much

Anaxagoras: The two got into a fist fight the first week of school and now they’re sparring buddies

Penthus: my baby brother is growing up

Anaxagoras: That is how time works

Penthus: ooo i need to tell lana about this

Penthus: tyl

Anaxagoras: I’m not even there physically but I know you’re scampering away like a fucked up little creature.

-----

Masterdebaters ;)

Anaxagoras : @everyone

Anaxagoras: Our season schedule just got confirmed 

Anaxagoras : link

Anaxagoras: Our first comp is next Saturday

Anaxagoras: Be at the school by 9am or be prepared to play the most dangerous game.

Phainon: I get that reference!

Anaxagoras: We’ll be discussing our topics at the next meeting, then spend the next refining our cases. I expect you to do your research outside of meetings, but please bring any questions or points of interest to our attention for discussion.

Phainon: aye aye captain

Phainon: o7

Castorice: Understood.

Hyacine: You got it!

Anaxagoras : @Phainon try not to get into any more fights until after then.

Anaxagoras: And if you must, make sure any injuries can be covered by clothes.

Anaxagoras: Let’s not have you showing up on stage with a black eye.

Phainon: I make no promises :b

Anaxagoras: Y’know what

Anaxagoras: Get curbstomped for all I care

Hyacine: But seriously, please try to keep yourself presentable for competitions

Phainon: fine

Phainon: on one condition 

Anaxagoras: oh fuck what

Phainon: You admit I’m an invaluable member of this team and that my presence is loved and appreciated

Anaxagoras: Is your self esteem really that low?

Hyacine: We love you Phai! You’re a great teammate and even better friend. 

Phainon: nah, I just want to see what it takes to get you to say it :)

Phainon: Hyacine 🥹

Castorice: Phainon, you are an amazing teammate and our team truly shines with you on it. You have an incredible knack for finding the smallest faults in our opponents’ logic and using them to win us the round. You’re an amazing person and I’m glad to have you as a friend.

Phainon: Cas stop i'm actually gonna cry

Phainon: Naxa, your turn!

Phainon: 😇

Anaxagoras: If I wasn’t absolutely sure Khaslana would chase me across the planet, invent new torture methods to use on me, then use my flayed skin as a war flag, I would kill you right here.

Phainon: 😞

Phainon: guess I gotta call Mydei~

Anaxagoras: You absolute shithead.

Anaxagoras: fine

Anaxagoras: Phainon Kephale, as much of a pain in my ass as you can be, our team would not be where it is today without you. You have continuously given it your all at every opportunity and for that, I am incredibly grateful. Nothing makes me prouder than watching you, along with our other teammates here, grow into the champions I always knew you could be.

Anaxagoras: You’re such a selfless individual who radiates light and love everywhere you go. For as much shit as I give you, nothing compares to the joy of having you as a friend. 

Anaxagoras: happy?

Anaxagoras: ?

Hyacine: You good Phai?

Phainon: yeha eyah

Phainon: i'n acyaly cring now fukc

Anaxagoras: Good lord 🙄

Castorice: Aww, that was really sweet 🩷

Hyacine: 💕💕💕💕

Anaxagoras: ugh

Anaxagoras: Too many emotions for one day

Anaxagoras: Let’s dial it back several dozen notches

Anaxagoras: Practice tomorrow after school 

Anaxagoras: You know the drill

Hyacine: Aye Aye Captain!

Hyacine o7

Phainon: o7

Castorice: o7

Anaxagoras: 🙄

Phainon: you love us <3

-----

Phainon created a new chat

Phainon named the chat Project adopt Mydei

Phainon: guys quick question

Phainon: is it okay if I invite Mydei to sit with us at lunch later today?

Phainon: I’ve noticed he sits by himself, so thought we could ask him to join us!

Hyacine: Please do! He’s our friend now too!

Aglaea: Go ahead, there’s no need to ask permission.

Cipher: DRAG HIS ASS OVER HERE IF YOU HAVE TO

Phainon: okok

Anaxagoras: ‘adopt Mydei’

Anaxagoras: What is he, a stray cat?

Phainon: you know hwat

Phainon: yes he is

Phainon: I want to give him a warm bath and put him in a cozy sweater 

Cipher: …ok buddy

-----

if you or a loved one know a Kephale, you may be entit…

Cipher: PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THAT

Anaxagoras: no no

Anaxagoras: It’s quite apparent 

Tribios: May I ask what caused this?

Castorice sent a photo

Cipher: gay ass 

Aglaea: As much as I don’t like speculating on people’s orientations…

Anaxagoras: Don’t lie to us miss Mnestia 

Anaxagoras: That is by far your favorite hobby

Aglaea: You shouldn’t accuse others with baseless accusations 

Aglaea: Unless there is something you’d like to share dearest fool?

Anaxagoras: It would do you well to realize that you are not all knowing.

Aglaea: Yet, as it stands, it is quite a rare occurrence that I am wrong

Aglaea: 😏

Cipher: what am i witnessing

Cipher: if i didnt know you guys id assume this was flirting

Anaxagoras: Cifera.

Cipher: uh oh

Anaxagoras: With how often you compare yourself to felines, even to the point of pretending to be one up into the 4th grade, would you like to test a theory you once presented me with?

Hyacine: Cipher run

Anaxagoras: You once stated that, much like a cat, you have 9 lives. 

Cipher: gotta blast!!!

Anaxagoras: Would you like to learn if that is true?

Tribios: …

Tribios: wow

Tribios: Anaxa, we’ve talked about threatening your friends

Anaxagoras: Romance is beneath me.

Aglaea: We know. You’ve only been saying that since we were in middle school.

Anaxagoras: Yet it continues to be true.

Tribios: …

Tribios: Just double checking, are we still on for the water park Sunday?

Tribios: The girls are dying to hang out with you all again

Castorice: Of course! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Cipher: ^

Aglaea: I never go back on a promise.

Hyacine: I’ll be there!

Anaxagoras: I’ve got my stuff already packed

Cipher: a signed copy of war and peace and spf 33 million?

Anaxagoras: 🙄

Tribios: Wonderful!

Tribios sent a photo

Castorice: Cuties!

Aglaea: Just double checked with Phainon. He says he’ll be there.

Tribios: You’re awesome Agy!

Chapter Text

fat fuck appreciation society 

Aglaea : @Phainon Do your brothers charge for their services?

Phainon: their…services?

Aglaea: They can make it look like an accident, correct?

Phainon: OH

Phainon: i'm sure I can get you a discount 😉

Castorice: May I ask why are we discussing hiring the Kephale’s as hitmen?

Cipher: smart moneys on caenis

Aglaea: A certain individual, who shall remain unnamed, has been spreading false rumors about myself.

Aglaea: Said individual has gone so far as to bring falsified reports to school admin and they are currently discussing not only stripping me of my role as Stuco president, but also possible suspension.

Aglaea: I have reason to believe the timing of such events is intentional as I am currently in the process of applying to various universities and scholarships, many of which require a clean record.

Cipher: bitch

Cipher: (pls tell me its caenis. ive been waiting for a reason 😈)

Hyacine: That's awful! I hope this is resolved quickly!

Castorice: Is there anything we can do to help clear your name?

Castorice: What is it that you are being accused of?

Aglaea: A multitude of things, ranging from academic dishonesty to bribing others to vote me in as stuco president.

-----

[Private chat]

Khaslana: Phainon has relayed your current issues to me

Khaslana: Considering the circumstances, I highly doubt there is much I can do to help you without making the situation far worse on your end.

Aglaea: Oh my gosh I'm so sorry

Aglaea: I was just being dramatic, I didn't actually want Phainon to drag you into my issues.

Khaslana: ah

Khaslana: understood

Aglaea: I didn't mean to cause you any trouble, but thank you anyways.

Khaslana: You're not a bother Aglaea. You and your family have been incredibly good to my brother.

Khaslana: Phainon may no longer be your guy's responsibility, but you continue to look after and be there for him.

Khaslana: There is nothing that can properly express my gratitude, but just know, if you ever do need me (or Penthus) for any reason, we will find a way to help you.

Aglaea: Thank you. That really does mean a lot to me.

Khaslana: And you're not allowed to forget it.

Khaslana: Well, I can see the time ms Mnestia, is there not a class you should be in right now?

-----

fat fuck appreciation society 

Cipher: agy you there?

Cipher: do i need to send a search party?

Aglaea: No need. I'm here.

Aglaea : @Phainon please dont ask your brothers to kill anyone for me moving forward.

Cipher: lmao WHAT

Phainon: ….whoopsies 

Aglaea: It's alright. Thankfully, it was only Khaslana and we had a nice chat.

Anaxagoras: God I don't want to imagine trying to talk Penthus off that ledge

Anaxagoras: He gets way too excited about the idea of pissing principal Lygus off

Phainon: Khaslana doesn't like him much either

Phainon: he once called him “the discarded byproduct of politician dick slime and an irradiated weasel carcass”

Cipher: LMAO 

Cipher: THATS PRETTY ACCURATE 

Mydei: His vibe was rather rancid

Anaxagoras: Month old milk on hot asphalt level rancid

Phainon: lil curds and all

Hyacine: 🤢

Mydei: Off topic, but does anyone want cookies?

Mydei: Made them for class but there are far too many for me

Cipher: ye

Cipher: gimme

Hyacine: Yes please!

Castorice: I would like one if possible.

Phainon: how fucked up are they?

Mydei: How dare you assume I'd fuck up something as simple as cookies

Mydei : @Phainon you get none now

Phainon: no wait 

Phainon: mydei pls

Mydei sent a photo

Cipher: 😻

Phainon: 🥲

Hyacine: Those look incredible Mydei!

Aglaea: I would love to have one.

Anaxagoras: I would love to try one, but i refuse to let anything that comes out of the culinary class anywhere near me and my fucked up body 

Mydei: Understandable

Mydei: I witnessed some true horrors in the past hour

Castorice: May I ask what said horrors may be?

Mydei: At least 2 kids used a liquid measuring cup to measure out their dry ingredients 

Mydei: a guy had to be stopped from using an entire bottle of vanilla extract

Mydei: someone tried to use strawberry milk from the cafeteria 

Mydei: AND ONE MF MIXED UP FLOUR AND SUGAR SOMEHOW

Mydei: THE SAME GUY THEN PROCEEDED TO TRY AND MICROWAVE BUTTER IN A METAL BOWL

Cipher: … and i thought phainon was a bad cook

Phainon: hey!

Anaxagoras: And I'm already nauseous 

Castorice: We very nearly had fire alarm incident no.2

Mydei: I expect someone to be dead by the end of the semester 

Mydei: Either by their own stupidity or me strangling them for said stupidity 

Cipher: id pay to watch that

Phainon: me too honestly

Aglaea: I take it you have experience in the kitchen, Mydei?

Mydei: yeah

Mydei: I actually really like cooking. I've been helping my mom in the kitchen since I was little and now I have my own shelf of cookbooks 

-----

Project adopt Mydei

Phainon: omg

Phainon: he cooks!!!

Phainon: i love him

Anaxagoras: ew

Phainon: you know i mean it platonically!

Anaxagoras: I do? 🤨

Phainon: I tell you guys I love you all the time!

-----

Masterdebaters ;)

Anaxagoras : Good morning @everyone!

Anaxagoras: Competition day!

Anaxagoras: First one of the season!

Anaxagoras: Make sure you eat before we get going!

Anaxagoras: I've got packets of notes for us to go over on the bus ride there 

Phainon: anaxa pls irs 5 in the fukin am

Phainon: the sum isn't even up tet

Hyacine: I'm loving the enthusiasm but is there any particular reason you're waking us up this early?

Hyacine: We're not meeting up until 9, right?

Anaxagoras: ah

Anaxagoras: My apologizes everyone

Anaxagoras: I had assumed you'd already be up by now.

Castorice: I was awake 

Hyacine: Did you even go to sleep or were you up all night writing fanfiction?

Castorice: …

Castorice: I plead the 5th

Phainon: i'm awak 

Phainon: lol

Phainon: any progress cas?

Castorice: yes, lots

Phainon: can't wait to read it!

Castorice: 😳

-----

fat fuck appreciation society 

Castorice sent a video

[Video: camera follows behind Phainon inside what is clearly a Walmart. He is singing along with Hope is the Thing With Feathers which can be heard playing from the store speakers.]

Castorice sent a video 

[Video: camera is focused on Phainon, who is laying on asphalt half under a school bus door. He keeps reaching over to grab various items out of the plastic Walmart bag at his side.]

Castorice: A multitalented king <3

Mydei: tf happened to the bus?

Anaxagoras: One of the door hinges busted as we were going down the highway.

Anaxagoras: We pulled over at the Walmart parking lot because it's against the law for the door to be open when the bus is moving. 

Anaxagoras: The driver and teacher were trying to call a mechanic when Snowy here goes ‘I got it!’ and runs off into the store

Anaxagoras: Boy comes back with the right parts and tools somehow and just…fixes it.

Cipher: wow 

Hyacine: Did he even look to see what the issue was?

Anaxagoras: Nope. I had to send him photos while he was inside.

Cipher: who knew phai could sing?

Phainon: i can?

Aglaea: You can, very well actually. You sang along to Disney movie songs all the time when you lived with us.

Phainon: oh I remember that! You guys put them on when I was feeling sad!

Mydei: Phainon used to live with you?

Phainon: yep

Phainon: after my parents died, my brothers and I were put into foster care until khaslana was old enough to gain custody of us

Phainon: so for about 2 years I lived with aglaea and her family

Phainon: going from a tiny farming village of like 500 people to one of the biggest cities overnight was certainly an experience!

Aglaea: He was very upset that he wasn’t allowed to play in the streams. 

Aglaea: The idea of a baseball diamond also confused him greatly.

Phainon: please stop

Phainon: i beg

Aglaea: “Where’s all the wheat?” “Why would there be wheat?” “Because you play baseball in the wheatfields.”

Aglaea: There was also the one time we took him to the lake, and he leaned over the side of the dock and caught a fish with his bare hands.

Mydei: That’s genuinely impressive

Phainon: you think so? 

Phainon: I could teach you how to do it sometime

Mydei: Are you sure you want to do that? What if I’m better than you?

Phainon: impossible

Mydei: You’re on

Phainon: can’t wait to kick your ass

Anaxagoras: oml

Cipher: 😼🍿

Anaxagoras: Alright children, we still have a competition 

Anaxagoras: Let’s get back to preparations

Castorice: o7

Phainon: o7

Hyacine: o7

Cipher: KICK THEIR ASSES MASTERDEBATERS!!!

Anaxagoras: Please stop with that name!

Cipher: NEVRR

-----

Phainon: GLORY IS OURS

Cipher: 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Aglaea: Good work as always

Mydei: congrats

----

Queen Tribios 👑 and her jesters 

Her Highness: T-minus 1 hour

Her Highness: The girls are already running around in their swimsuits

Her Highness: I’ve only managed to get sunscreen on Trinnon 😭

Pie-non: WATERPARKDAYWATERPARKDAYWATERPARKDAY

Her Highness: Seems like someone's just as excited

Pie-non: YOU BET

Pie-non: I get to hang out with my favortite triplets!

The Ica Tamer: I’m all set!

Her Highness: Rides are all figured out?

Goldweaver: Yep. I'm getting Cipher and Cas, and Hyacine is getting Phainon and Anaxa.

The Fool: You’re doing this on purpose

Goldweaver: Whatever do you mean?

Her Highness: Let’s all try to be civil today? 

Le Chat: awww thats no fun

Le Chat: pls tribios

Le Chat: a crumb of chaos?

Le Chat: as a treat?

Her Highness: And the second I turn my back, you steal the whole pie

Le Chat: i do like pie

Le Chat: blackberry for me pls

Pie-non: why must it be pie 😭

Pie-non: pls I want to live

Le Chat: 🍽️ dimner

Lady Cas: We’re canabalizing Phainon now?

The Fool: That appears to be the case

Pie-non: May I make a final request upon my deathbed?

Le Chat: 👂

The Fool: I suppose.

Pie-non: I request my corpse to be given to Mydei so he may make me into the most decadent meal to share between friends

The Fool: what the shit

Goldweaver: Phainon, what that actual fuck?

Le Chat: your wish is my command

The Ica Tamer: 😳

Lady Cas: 😳

Pie-non: my eternal thanks lady cifera

Her Highness: 😅

Her Highness: It never is a dull day with you guys is it?

The Fool: Never once have I known a moment of peace 

-----

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: Phainon standing in a large pool, with Trianne sitting on his bare shoulders, a bright smile across her face. In the background Castorice, Hyacine, and Aglaea can be seen standing in the splash park with Tribbie and Trinnon.]

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: The triplets laughing and screaming while engaged in what is clearly a splash fight with Phainon and Cipher, who bear similar empressions.]

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: Aglaea swimming in the lazy river. Tribbie is holding onto her piggy-back style.]

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: Anaxa, sitting on a lounge chair, wearing black swim trucks and a long sleeve swim shirt, a large book in his lap. In the seat next to him is Trinnon, in a flowery swim suit, also reading a book of her own.]

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: Everyone standing together in the splash park for a group photo]

Her Highness sent a photo

[Photo: Everyone standing together in the splash park for said group photo, but this one was clearly taken mid-laughter, with no one facing the camera.]

Her Highness: ❤️

Her Highness: Thank you all so much for hanging out with us today! The girls were delighted to see all of you again!

The Ica Tamer: 🥰

Lady Cas: 🥹

The Ica Tamer: Thank you for inviting us! I had a great time!

Goldweaver: It was a delight to see the girls again! Thank you for sharing the photos!

Pie-non: Thanks for letting us come! 

Pie-non: Tell the girls I miss them already!

Her Highness: Will do :)

The Ica Tamer: If anyone wants, I’m going to make some prints of the photos. Just let me know if you want copies so I know how many to make.

Le Chat: MEMEMEMEME

Goldweaver: I would love to have them. 

Pie-non: pls, save a set for me!

Lady Cas: I would like to have a set as well.

The Fool: …I’ll take a set too

Her Highness: 🥰

Chapter Text

THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

geneva suggestions 😈: i have had an incredible idea

gods favorite chew toy: oh fuck no

gods favorite chew toy: If you get the cops called on us for the 3rd time this week I will return you to the wild where you belong

Phainomenon: I fear his presence would destablize the entire ecosystem if not outright destory it

geneva suggestions 😈: you havemt even heard me out yet

geneva suggestions 😈: youre both so mean to me

geneva suggestions 😈: im running away 

gods favorite chew toy: I’ll help you pack

geneva suggestions 😈: anyways

geneva suggestions 😈: my idea

geneva suggestions 😈: i want to fight lil phais boyfriend

geneva suggestions 😈: if he beats me (he wont) then he gets to face lana

geneva suggestions 😈 : if he survives he gets the right to marry our baby boy

Phainomenon: HEY

Phainomenon: I don’t have a boyfriend!

Phainomenon: who the hell are you talking about?!

geneva suggestions 😈: that mydei guy who beat you six ways to sunday

Phainomenon: MYDEI ISNT MY BOYFREIND

geneva suggestions 😈: hes not?

Phainomenon: NO?!?!?!!?!??

Phainomenon: tf gave you that impression?!

gods favorite chew toy: ok but you ARE into him right?

Phainomenon: NO?!?!

Phainomenon: what are you two on?

Phainomenon: penthus, what are you creating in the basement this time?

Phainomenon: the fumes are escaping

geneva suggestions 😈: you know drugs arent my thing

Phainomenon: I figured you were creating military grade explosives

geneva suggestions 😈: that i am doing

geneva suggestions 😈: dont touch anything without gloves sodium is highly reactive to water

gods favorite chew toy: The fact you're giving a warning is warning enough

gods favorite chew toy: I refuse to touch anything of yours as is

Phainomenon: can we go back to why both of you think I have a boyfriend?

gods favorite chew toy: you never shut up about him

gods favorite chew toy: I'm used to hearing all about your friends, but this is getting excessive 

Phainomenon: that doesnt mean he's my boyfriend

Phainomenon: or that I like him

geneva suggestions 😈: denial is a river in egypt buddy boy

Phainomenon: Mydei is a friend, and I find him very cool, but that doesn't mean I like him like that!

gods favorite chew toy: tbf, I still dont even know what the guy looks like

gods favorite chew toy: I'm being left to my own assumptions here

Phainomenon: I know what you're doing

Phainomenon: but fine

Phainomenon sent a photo

[Photo: a certain group of friends seated around a lunch table. Cipher is sneaking one of Aglaea's chips while she is turned to talk to Castorice. Anaxa is engrossed in a book, idly poking at his meal. Mydei is watching as Phainon, who is holding up a peace sign, takes the photo.]

geneva suggestions 😈: holy fuck hes built 

gods favorite chew toy: thank you for finally letting us put a face to a name.

Phainomenon: you still think I like him, don't you

geneva suggestions 😈: obvi

gods favorite chew toy: I am keeping my opinions to myself

Phainomenon: 🙄

geneva suggestions 😈: thats lana for yes

Phainomenon: I figured as much

gods favorite chew toy: PEN NO

gods favorite chew toy: one sec

Phainomenon: ?

geneva suggestions 😈: killjoy

gods favorite chew toy: Someone was making napalm in the backyard again

geneva suggestions 😈: just makin sure were ready when phai brings a boy home

Phainomenon: the shit?

Phainomenon: please don’t set any of my friends on fire using napalm

Phainomenon: or any other substances for that matter

gods favorite chew toy: Please stick to the list

gods favorite chew toy: You can set those people on fire anytime you want

gods favorite chew toy: just don’t get caught 

Phainomenon: there’s a list?!

geneva suggestions 😈: :)

Phainomenon: …who’s on the list?

gods favorite chew toy: dw about it. It’s a running joke between us

gods favorite chew toy: For as much of a pyro as Penthus is, he’d have a full on breakdown if he actually set someone on fire.

geneva suggestions 😈: lies and slander

geneva suggestions 😈: im very capable of controlling my mental state

gods favorite chew toy: remind me how many different mood stabilizers you’ve cycled through?

geneva suggestions 😈: fuck if i know

geneva suggestions 😈: they all have weird wizard names how am i supposed to remember them all?

gods favorite chew toy: your best friend’s name in ANAXAGORAS 

gods favorite chew toy: now thats a weird wizards name

geneva suggestions 😈: fair point

Phainomenon: he's talking about trying to recreate mediveal alchemy as we speak

gods favorite chew toy: that can only end well

-----

[Private chat]

Phainon: Hey Mydei!

Phainon: Just a heads up, my brothers seem to have gotten to wrong idea about our relationship

Phainon: if you see any weird boxes, please don’t touch them

Phainon: I also recommend avoiding any dark alleyways and only eating food you see being made

Mydei: what that actual shit

Mydei: few questions

Mydei: 1. Who exactly are your brothers?

Mydei: 2. What fucking idea of our relationship do they have?

Mydei: 3. Let them try. They can’t kill me.

Mydei: last one wasn’t a question but you get the point

Phainon: 1. Khaslana is a generational crash out waiting to happen & Penthus is like genuinely insane

Phainon: 2. they thought we might be dating

Phainon: (theyre a little overprotective)

Phainon: 3. Love the confidence but i need you to understand 

Phainon: there’s no winning with those two. If they go down, you’re going with them.

Phainon: I think I talked them out of it, but just keep an eye out for the next week or so

Mydei: noted

Mydei: will be ignored

Mydei: why did they think we were dating?

Phainon: not a fuckin clue my guy

Phainon: tbf, lana was sure penthus had a massive crush on anaxa for the longest time

Phainon: he didn’t, anaxa was just his only friend and actively took an interest in his 

Phainon: lets call them hobbies

Mydei: I’m glad i'm an only child

Phainon: social services did try to separate us

Phainon: it did not work out well

Phainon: so we’re kind of stuck together forever now

Mydei: It is rather sweet that they’d be willing to commit acts of terror for you

Phainon: it's a love langauge

Mydei: I get it

Mydei: my mother did nearly kill my father for me

Mydei: only reason she didn’t was so that she could get more from him in court

Phainon: your mother is an icon

Mydei: i know 

-----

fat fuck appreciation society

Castorice: Damionis is at it again

Aglaea: fuck me

Anaxagoras: ew no

Aglaea: bitch no one asked you

Cipher: 😳 

Hyacine: Oh no

Hyacine: What’s he doing this time?

Castorice: He's currently putting up posters explaining why he thinks we live in a big computer simulation.

Mydei: (who is Damionis?)

Cipher: (our local conspiracy theorist)

Cipher: (hes always trying to get agy to listen to his ideas)

Mydei: (thanks)

Cipher: (welc)

Anaxagoras: I think we should hear this one out

Aglaea: You're only saying that to mess with me

Anaxagoras: Why would I do that?

Aglaea: 🙄

Phainon: why can't he just start a shitty podcast that gets 3 views a week?

Aglaea: Please shut up

Aglaea: Don't manifest that into existence.

Phainon: o7

Cipher: i still laugh about that time he tried to ask you out in freshman year

Aglaea: Thank you Cifera

Aglaea: I had almost managed to forget about that.

Cipher: just doin my part

Phainon: the idea of aglaea going out with a man is more confusing than any conspiracy theory

Hyacine: RIGHT?!

Cipher: she does give off very strong girl kisser vibes

Mydei: In all honesty, that was my first thought when I met her.

Aglaea: Just reported him to admin. 

Aglaea: Again.

Aglaea: The day I rely on a man for anything is the day I end it all.

Aglaea: Anaxagoras, I can feel you scheming from here. 

Anaxagoras: and she's losing it

Aglaea: You say that like you're the picture of sanity

Anaxagoras: Oh I know I'm not, and never once have I pretended to be

Anaxagoras: It's part of my charm

Aglaea: The charm that makes people fear for their safety in your presence?

Mydei: (do we stop this or…)

Cipher: (nah)

Cipher: (free entertainment)

Mydei: (gotcha)

-----

Aglaea: 😏

Castorice: 😏

Hyacine: 😏

Phainon: i feel unsafe

Anaxagoras: I do not trust that one bit

Mydei: What's up?

Cipher: no schemes for me?

Cipher: 😿

Hyacine: Homecoming is gonna be a fun week!

Phainon: thanks! that clarifies nothing!

Aglaea: Cas, do your thing.

Castorice: Through the age of man, community has tied us together and secured our bonds to each other. The longstanding tradition of homecoming is an event meant to invoke such a sense through generations of students that have walked the halls of our prestigious institution of learning and growth. It is a magnificent chance for the alumni of old and students of the current age to stand together in a moment of celebration of a community built on centuries of history.

Cipher: girl what

Castorice: Yet, if there is one thing we mustn't forget, as the stories of old tell, is the hidden nature of plots and betrayal amongst the closest of friends and family when the victory is seen as a greater reward. Should such circumstances befall us, are we to do but play our roles through to their natural end. Just as Orpheus is fated to always turn back, and Cassandra's pleas of mercy fall to deaf ears, it is without a doubt that bonds, once stronger than steel, will be weathered and tested.

Castorice: We, like the mighty Achilles have a chance to choose our fates, but the call of battle and glory rings far too loud to be ignored. Icarus flew too high, Phaethon flew too low. In this, we learned to not defy the roles we are destined to play. May the fates smile kindly upon those called forth.

Hyacine: 👏👏👏

Castorice: 😊

Mydei: ok

Phainon: again

Phainon: i feel unsafe

Mydei: I don't

Phainon: get fucked

Phainon: you dont know these 3 as well as I do

Anaxagoras: This isn't concerning in the slightest

Anaxagoras: What are you guys letting Aglaea get away with now?

Anaxagoras: I have given you clear orders, have I not?

Hyacine: Okay, but this is gonna be great. Trust.

Anaxagoras: I do not.

Aglaea: And you call me a killjoy.

Mydei: I think I get it.

Mydei: possibly

Castorice: 😈

Mydei: 😈

Hyacine: 😈

Phainon: thats it i'm calling lana

Aglaea: He can't save you now.

Aglaea: 😈

Phainon: 🥲

Cipher: ok im over not being included

Cipher: let chaos reign

Cipher: 😈

Hyacine : @Cipher it's honestly less fun if you know 

Hyaline: There's so much work involved in it

Hyacine: You get the full experience that way

Castorice: That statement above is what we are planning to use as a script at the 1st homecoming assembly to announce our plan.

Castorice: You are the test subjects. Thoughts?

Phainon: both horrifying and ominous. 

Phainon: i might not sleep tonight

Phainon: very well written tho

Cipher: 👍

Cipher: your years of fanfic writing are paying off

Mydei: I quite like the mythological references. It fits very well into the Ancient Greece theme, and if that speech is implying what I think it is, then it works very well to play up the drama.

Cipher: wow

Cipher: naxas been typing a while

Phainon: you good man?

Anaxagoras: For a brief analysis, your first paragraph is a rather sound introduction. You’re telling your audience why you’re here (homecoming) and why it is so important in a subtle way as to not feel as if you are lecturing, but giving words to something we all innately understand and feel. The writing itself is very dramatic across the entire work and you draw rich parallels to famous mythological figures we all know. As for what the parallel means, I do not know, yet I am left deeply intrigued. The second paragraph tells me that whatever is being planned is a competition of sorts, one where participants will be ‘forced’ to act against their friends in order to advance and/or win. Using fate is a little intense and overly dramatic, but I can tell it is meant to get people invested in whatever story you are trying to tell.

Cipher: …those are certainly words

Anaxagoras: As for personal opinion, I love it Cas. Great work

Anaxagoras: I have no idea what the actual fuck it all means, but you did well.

Castorice: 🥰

Phainon: it’s a competition?!

Mydei: You didn’t pick up on that?

Phainon: what kind?

Aglaea: Mydeimos Nikador, if you tell him or anyone else I will use you as my personal pin cushion.

Mydei: dw, secrets safe with me

Phainon: 🤬

Mydei: haha loser

Phainon: fight me

Cipher: 10 bucks

Mydei: no

Cipher: 20

Mydei: not happening

Cipher: damn 

Cipher: not one for bribery i take it?

Mydei: I come from a wealthy family 

Mydei: money will never be an issue or motivator for me

Cipher: 😔

Chapter Text

THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

gods favorite chew toy: Hey, so no mad

gods favorite chew toy: but why are there like 20 dead fish in the garage freezer?

geneva suggestions 😈: dinner?

Phainomenon: aren’t you the one who does the grocery shopping

gods favorite chew toy sent a photo

[Photo: Inside an open chest freezer. To the right is a plastic tub holding several dead fish. It’s dificult to make out what species they are, but certainty not something picked up from a local grocery store.]

geneva suggestions 😈: OH THSOE FISH

geneva suggestions 😈: ye they mine

geneva suggestions 😈: leave them pls

geneva suggestions 😈: and for your own peace of mind dont look underneath

Phainomenon: he’s most definitely looking underneath

geneva suggestions 😈: i tried to warn him

gods favorite chew toy: KEVIN PENTHUS KEPHALE

gods favorite chew toy: WHY ARE THERE DEAD RATS IN THE GODDAMN FREEZER??????

Phainomenon: THERES WHAT?!!?

geneva suggestions 😈: chill 

geneva suggestions 😈: im saving them to put into lyguss mailbox

gods favorite chew toy: what

gods favorite chew toy: just

gods favorite chew toy: get down here please

-----

fat fuck appreciation society 

Phainon: well this just happened

Phainon sent a photo

[Photo: a screenshot of the previous conversation]

Phainon sent a photo

[Photo: a second screenshot of the previous conversation]

Phainon: I love my brother

Phainon: but sometimes

Phainon: he concerns me 

Aglaea: …

Anaxagoras: Penthus has been doing that for months. How have none of you noticed?

Cipher: HOLD UP

Cipher: PENTHUSS NAME IS KEVIN!??!??!?!

Phainon: yeah…?

Phainon: did you not know that?

Mydei: Full offense. 

Mydei: What is wrong with your brother?

Phainon : @Anaxagoras you knew about this?!?!

Anaxagoras: Yes. He leaves one out to rot for a day or two in the sun, then he puts it in principal Lygus’ mailbox. 

Anaxagoras: Sometimes he throws it on the porch to change things up

Anaxagoras: He dropped one down the chimney one time. He was very proud of that.

Aglaea: Is he aware that messing with another person’s mailbox is a federal crime?

Anaxagoras: That’s part of the fun actually.

Hyacine: 🤮

Hyacine: Why is he regularly handling dead, rotting animals?

Mydei: better question

Mydei: WHY IS HE KEEPING THEM NEAR THE FOOD!??!?!

Aglaea: So we are all on the same page about this?

Phainon: what page?

Castorice: We support your brother’s actions, not the methods

Cipher: KEVIN

Phainon: yes his legal name is kevin. penthus is his middle name, he just thinks it sounds cooler

Phainon: i'm just waiting to hear what khaslana has to say

Phainon: they’re talking in person rn 

Phainon: pls

Phainon: release me

Phainon: i want to be part of the family drama

Phainon: 🥲

Aglaea : @Anaxagoras you have details. Spill.

Aglaea: or else 

Anaxagoras: jeez ok

Anaxagoras: For months now, Penthus has been catching fish from the lake and picking up every dead rat he finds so he can tormet Lygus with them.

Anaxagoras: The freezer thing is new information to me, but I imagine it's how he keeps the stock fresh.

Hyacine: Ok, but why is he doing it?

Anaxagoras: Because it’s Lygus?

Anaxagoras: I don’t have the exact reasons. Penthus just does shit sometimes.

Anaxagoras: He did offhandly mention turning one of the rats into a bomb, so I would not recommend touching them.

Mydei : @Phainon you weren’t exaggerating about him being insane

Phainon: nope

Phainon: he may be a terrorist, but he’s our terrorist <3

Hyacine : @Anaxagoras so how did you two become friends anyways?

Anaxagoras: I caught him stealing chemicals from the lab as a freshman. 

Castorice: That’s it?

Anaxagoras: That’s the basic idea

Aglaea: No, there’s more.

Cipher: 👀

Anaxagoras: You need to learn your place.

Cipher: spill 

Anaxagoras: In exchange for my silence, he let me infodump about dromases for 3 hours straight after school.

Cipher: lmao thats incredible

Hyacine: And now you’re his accomplice?

Anaxagoras: Pretty much yeah

Aglaea: Are you kidding me?!

Castorice: Fire alarm counter: 2

Cipher: i say we take bets

Cipher: drill, prank, or actual fire

Anaxagoras: Teachers look worried & annoyed, so not a drill

Mydei: How often does this damn alarm go off?

Aglaea: At least once a week

Hyacine: so uh

Hyacine sent a photo

[Photo: A hallway inside a school. Down the hall is an open door with smoke coming out of it.]

Hyacine: Boys bathroom in the east hall

Phainon: actual fire it is!

------

[Private chat]

Anaxagoras: Heard your carcass stash was found

Penthus: ye

Penthus: khaslana wasnt very happy with me

Penthus: i did manage to explain myself tho

Penthus: really dont know how i went so long without them being discovered

Penthus: thought they knew

Anaxagoras: Please tell me they weren’t touching the actual food?

Penthus: course not

Penthus: they had their own tubs

Penthus: never came into direct contact with anything we eat

Penthus: id rather not kill my brothers

Anaxagoras: Good? I’d hope so?

Anaxagoras: Is Khaslana making you get rid of them?

Penthus: no

Penthus: were gonna get a separate freezer for them tho

Penthus: you forget

Penthus: lana hates that motherfucker too

Penthus: thinks hes creepy and weird

Anaxagoras: He is.

Penthus: agreed

Penthus: khas has said that hed have phainon transfer schools in a heartbeat

Penthus: but all his friends are there

Anaxagoras: And we’d all go nuclear if anyone tried to hurt one of us

Anaxagoras: You still haven’t told me why you all hate Lygus so much.

Anaxagoras: We all know he’s a freak but you and Khaslana are out for blood.

Penthus: eh its hard to explain

Penthus: more lanas story to tell anyhow

Anaxagoras: Wait, if Khaslana wants to transfer Phainon, why didn’t he transfer you?

Anaxagoras: You said you didn’t have friends until me, and that was junior year for you.

Penthus: lana and i had a bet going

Penthus: i wanted to see if i could be so horrible that he would expel me

Penthus: didnt work 😞

Anaxagoras: Personally, I thought exploding the toilets would have done you in.

Penthus: RIGHT?

Penthus: i was rather proud of ‘accidently’ shattering that big ass beaker

Anaxagoras: You sent 5 kids and a teacher to the hospital to get the glass removed.

Penthus: they were fine 

Penthus: they had safety glasses on

Anaxagoras: That’s…

Anaxagoras: ah shit

Penthus: ?

Anaxagoras: Your brother and Mydei are at it again

Anaxagoras sent a video

[Video: A short, few second long clip featuring the figures of Mydei and Phainon as they throw a series of punches as each other]

Penthus: awww theyre having fun!

Anaxagoras: 🤨

Penthus: if they were fighting for real youd know

Penthus: ooo

Penthus: ask mydei if he knows how to use any weapons

Anaxagoras: Later

Anaxgoras: I’m not getting near that

Penthus: glass bones and paper skin mf

Anaxagoras: bitch

Anaxagoras: But no, they both look a little too into it

Anaxagoras: I am NOT inserting myself into their mess.

Penthus: 🙄 coward

-----

fat fuck appreciation society

Castorice: I need some help with something.

Phainon: what is is Cas?

Hyacine: What do you need?

Aglaea: ?

Anaxagoras: What can I do for you?

Cipher: give me 5 minutes. remove anything that could identify the body

Mydei: My family has some land a few hours away, well outside the search radius.

Castorice: woah woah

Castorice: I did not kill someone

Cipher: bummer

Mydei: My offer still stands should it ever be needed.

Castorice: …thanks?

Aglaea: …that aside

Aglaea: How can we help you, Cas?

Castorice: So, there have been some sophomore boys that have been messing with Polyxia and picking on her for being in a wheelchair.

Cipher: death penalty

Phainon: I will kill them

Mydei: Names. 

Mydei: Give.

Castorice: wait one moment

Castorice: I already have my revenge planned out.

Anaxagoras: I’m all ears

Hyacine: Will it get us all suspended?

Castorice: link

Castorice: How can I make it worse?

Hyacine: 😳

Cipher: cassie!

Cipher: i'm so proud of you!

Cipher: it's glorious!

Phainon: make their dicks shorter

Aglaea: Castorice. What is on my screen right now?

Castorice: I wrote the guys into a slash fic.

Castorice: I’ve called upon every BL trope I could manage.

Castorice: Once it's done I will post it anonymously online and leave QR codes for it around the school.

Castorice: 😇

Anaxagoras: Truly diabolical my dear

Anaxagoras: I have never been prouder

Mydei: you sure know your stuff

Mydei: I’ll read more after practice and send you my thoughts.

Cipher: what if you kill one for the drama?

Castorice: I thought about it, but if I get caught that could be seen as a death threat

Anaxagoras: If that happens, just say they’re ocs and you just used their names for inspiration.

Cipher: exactly! 

Cipher: kill one! 

Cipher: leave the other to mourn for the rest of enternity!

Phainon: evil. I love it

-----

Cipher: ok im bored

Cipher: someone start a conversation

Hyacine: What are all our plans for homecoming?

Aglaea: I figured same as last year

Anaxagoras: not like any of us have dates

Aglaea: Not like you could get one anyways.

Anaxagoras: And you could? With standards as high as yours?

Castorice: I had a lot of fun last year with all of you!

Phainon: me too

Phainon: and this year we have mydei with us!

Phainon: unless you have other plans?

Mydei: I do not

Mydei: I assume by plan you mean just showing up as a big group?

Hyacine: Yep!

Anaxagoras: Let’s just hope another speaker doesn’t try to kill itself right by my ear.

Anaxagoras: At least if the hearing loss was permanent I wouldn’t have had to listen to Aglaea’s nagging anymore.

Aglaea: I’m sure Penthus could work something out for you :)

Anaxagoras: now there’s an idea

Aglaea: You’re so very welcome.

-----

[Private chat]

Cipher: ok i cant stop thinking about it

Cipher: your brothers name is KEVIN???

Phainon: yes?

Cipher: no but like

Cipher: you have KHASLANA and PHAINON

Cipher: and kevin

Cipher: ???

Phainon: i'm lost

Phainon: what is the point you’re trying to make?

Cipher: its just

Cipher: you and lana have such regal sounding names

Cipher: then theres kevin

Phainon: I’d ask my parents about it, but theyre not home rn

Cipher: just oujia board them

Phainon: he’s been going by penthus for as long as I can remember

Phainon: always takes me a minute when I see Kevin Kephale spelled legal stuff

Cipher: imma call him kevin the next time i see him 😈

Phainon: would not recommend that

Phainon: it's something he only lets family use

Phainon: I mean you can try if you want

Phainon: just don’t blame me if he tries to kill you

Cipher: gotcha gotcha

Cipher: he couldnt kill me if he tried 😼

Phainon: I almost want to watch that play out now

Cipher: i decided i am immortal and will live forever

Phainon: good for you

Phainon: care to share your arcane secrets with lil ole me?

Cipher: hmmmmmm

Cipher: ill think about it

Cipher: itll cost you tho

Phainon: name your price o wise one

Cipher: help me me give bartholos a bath

Phainon: ???

Phainon: I’ll do it, but why?

Cipher sent a photo

[Photo: A large and fluffy husky is seen in the center of the frame. He is standing over a pile of trash with a gleeful grin (well as much of one as a dog can manage). A violet harness is wrapped around his frame, a snapped leash still attached to it by the clip.]

Cipher: he smells awful

Cipher: i cant get him to hold still or stay in the tub

Cipher: pls snowy

Cipher: i beg of thee

Phainon: lol he looks so proud of himself

Phainon: I’ll head over after I finish dinner

Cipher: 🙏

Cipher: the secrets of immortality shall be yours

Phainon: YAY

Phainon: need me to pick anything up on the way?

Cipher: nah

Cipher: but thanks for offering

Phainon: this is going to be a mess

Cipher: i am well aware

-----

fat fuck appreciation society

Cipher sent a photo

[Photo: Phainon on his knees in front of a tub, arms wrapped around a clearly drenched and upset husky. His face is turned to the camera, clearly in the middle of saying something.]

Cipher sent a photo

[Photo: Phainon standing in the bathroom, clothes absolutely drenched. The white Okhema Academy shirt is glued to his chest and covered in dog fur. He is holding two thumbs up.]

Cipher sent a photo

[Photo: The fluffiest husky you’ve ever seen prancing around a green yard. Around his neck is a purple bandana]

Cipher: bath day!!

Castorice: Thanks for giving Snowy a bath!

Castorice: Cute dog too!

Anaxagoras: Way to take one for the team.

Phainon: yall are so mean to me

Mydei: yall

Phainon: you get to wash the dog next time

Mydei: I think you’re capable of bathing yourself

Mydei: but if you insist

Phainon: 😳

Mydei: lol

Cipher: ayooo what

Anaxagoras: 🙄

Chapter Text

fat fuck appreciation society 

Cipher: aglaea 

Cipher: have i ever told you that youre a genius?

Aglaea: I’m aware 😌

Cipher: this is going to be GREAT

Phainon : @Mydei were you right?

Mydei: I was actually

Phainon: 😒

Hyacine: We did so much planning for this!

Hyacine: I hope it's just as much fun!

Anaxagoras : @Castroice Your speech was perfect. It was very fitting for a game of assassin.

Castorice: 🥰

Cipher: when do we get our assignments?

Aglaea: Tomorrow afternoon.

Aglaea: Remember, no attacks during school hours, in homes, or in vehicles.

Cipher: o7

Phainon: o7

Anaxagoras: I refuse to salute you

Mydei: o7

Hyacine: o7

Castorice: o7

-----

Cipher changed the chat name to WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Cipher: hehe

Cipher: good luck today everyone~

Hyacine: Well she has one of us for sure

Cipher: 😈

Phainon : @Hyacine do you guys know who has who?

Hyacine: Nope!

Hyacine: We just put the names of every junior and senior into a randomizer and we weren’t allowed to look.

Hyacine: We do know how the system runs though ;)

Anaxagoras: It’s a big circle, isn’t it?

Hyacine: …

Hyacine: yeah

Anaxagoras: It’s kind of the only way it can run on a scale this big.

Castorice: Thankfully it’s too large for people to figure out who everyone has right now.

Cipher: so we all just have to be paranoid for the rest of the week

Hyacine: Exactly!

Anaxagoras: how fun

Cipher: anyway, i have a bicth to kill :)

Cipher: see you later loves!

Anaxagoras: Aglaea watch your back

Aglaea: I was just about to say the same to you.

Hyacine: So who of us do we think will ‘die’ first?

Mydei: Phainon

Phainon: Mydei

Phainon: I will stay in long enough to take you down myself

Mydei: try it.

Mydei: see what happens

Phainon: bet

Anaxagoras: It’ll probably be Hyacine

Hyacine: why me?

Hyacine: 🥲

Anaxagoras: You’re too nice 

Anaxagoras: You’d feel bad about ‘ruining someone else’s fun’

Hyacine: 😭

Hyacine: Well I say you’re getting out first then

Anaxagoras: …well played

Hyacine sent a photo

[Photo: Anaxa sitting by himself at a park bench, a new book opened on the table beside him. He is facing the camera with a shocked expression. A black sharpie mark is clearly seen across the back of his hand.]

Hyacine: 😋

Phainon: holy fuck hyacine

Phainon: i'm impressed

Hyacine: You should be.

Aglaea: Wonderful work miss Aquila. 😏

Cipher: im gone 10 minutes

Cipher: AND MY GIRL HYACINE GETS THE FIRST KILL?!?!?

Cipher: hun you dropped this

Cipher: 👑

Hyaicne: Thank you Cifera

Hyacine: Was your hunt a success?

Cipher: unfortunately no 😔

Cipher: my target got of suspicious of me and ran off

Mydei: coward

Cipher: my thoughts exactly 

Cipher: oooo

Cipher: brb

-----

[Private chat]

Cipher: mydei bestie

Cipher: i propose an alliance

Mydei: ?

Mydei: How would an alliance even work?

Cipher: my target is on the football team

Cipher: distract him after practice tomorrow for me

Cipher: in return

Cipher: i help you with your target

Cipher: 😉

Mydei: …

Mydei: sure why not

Mydei: we get done at 4:30pm

Mydei: I’ll find a way to keep him a bit longer

Mydei: Just hang out behind the locker rooms until then

Cipher: yay

Cipher: let me know when my services are needed

Cipher: 😉

-----

Project adopt Mydei

Phainon: mmmmmmmm

Phainon: dont liek this

Aglaea: sigh

Aglaea: What is it, Phainon?

Phainon: it's mydei

Phainon: we were supposed to spar together after practice but he now has plans with some other guy

Castorice: It is a little rude of him to change your plans on the fly like this, but

Castorice: He is allowed to have other friends Phainon.

Phainon: i know i know

Phainon: I was just really looking forward to it today

Phainon: he was going to teach me that cool bodyslam thing he knows

Phainon: did you know his mom taught him to fight like he does?

Phainon: I live in both deep fear and admiration of her

Anaxagoras: I can’t believe you’re excited at the prospect of getting thrown to the floor

Phainon: not all of us will vaporize on impact

Anaxagoras: That was not the point I was trying to make

Phainon: one bad coughing fit and you’re done for

Anaxagoras: And why do you think I have a gun?

Phainon: …touche

Aglaea: If it bothers you that much that Mydei changed your plans, you should talk to him about it.

Phainon: I would, but we’re the only friends he’s made since coming here, and I don’t want to keep him from making more

Hyacine: I get it

Hyacine: Just tell him you’d like more of a heads up in the future if he wants to change your plans

Phainon: maybe 

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Cipher: hehe

Cipher sent a video

[Video: Cipher is crouched behind a car, the camera is facing its tire. She’s muttering to herself, but it’s difficult to tell what she’s saying. The camera moves to sneak a look at the other side of the car, where Mydei and another boy are talking about 10 feet away.

Mydei can be heard saying ‘I need to get going now’ before he turns and walks off. Cipher waits a few seconds before silently sneaking around the vehicle and behind the other guy. Suddenly, she lunges, sharpie in hand, and leaves her mark upon the unsuspecting victim. 

He whirls around in surprise, before turning back to Mydei only to find him with his back turned, staring intently at his phone. Seemingly, none the wiser to what has transpired behind him.]

Cipher: i can now say i killed a guy!

Castorice: Congrats!

Phainon: THATS WHAT MYDEI WAS DOING

Cipher: sorry, had to steal him for a bit

Mydei: good job 

Mydei : @Phainon if you’re still around, the wrestling room should still be unlocked

Phainon: I'M STILL HERE

Phainon: I can be over there in 5 minutes!

-----

Project adopt Mydei

Phainon: NVM

Phainon: it's all good now

Anaxagoras: 🙄

-----

if you or a loved one know a Kephale, you may be entit…

Cipher: is he aware?

Anaxagoras: Of what he’s implying or in general?

Cipher: yes

Anaxagoras: then no

Tribios: Phainon again?

Anaxagoras: yep

Anxagoras: “Why is Mydei paying attention to other people?! I want all his attention on me!”

Anaxagoras: Then he turns around and claims it's about ‘changing their plans’ and what not.

Anaxagoras: Like, I know objectively Phainon is very smart, but then when it comes to Mydei, all cognition goes out the window.

Hyacine: At least it's entertaining?

Anaxagoras: For maybe five minutes. Then it's just frustrating.

Anaxagoras: Just admit you have a thing for the guy then we can all move on.

Tribios: That bad huh?

Castorice sent a photo

[Photo: A screenshot of the Project adopt Mydei chat]

Castorice: That bad

Tribios: I wish you all luck with that mess

Tribios: Lord knows a Kephale will never acknowledge their emotions in a normal way

Tribios: At least this one isn’t setting things on fire every 20 minutes

Aglaea: Thank our lucky stars for that.

Anaxagoras: This one just likes to brawl apparently

Tribios: He takes after Khaslana it seems

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Hyacine: Did you guys see the winter play was announced?

Hyacine: The Flame Chase!

Hyacine: I’m gonna audition for the Eye of Twilight!

Phainon: I remember playing that as a kid!

Phainon: I didn’t know there was a play about it

Castorice: It’s a massively popular show in the theater world

Castorice: It’s genuinely more surprising that Okhema Acadmey hasn’t done a show for it

Hyacine : @Aglaea Please tell me you’re going to help with costuming again this year?

Aglaea: But of course!

Aglaea: I’ve already got my sketchbook out.

Cipher: im gonna try out for thief star

Cipher: she was always my favorite

Cipher: cinny, pick me up a packet pls?

Cipher: 🥺

Hyacine: Okay!

Hyacine: Does anyone else want one?

Cipher : get one for @Phainon

Cipher: hed make a great deliverer

Hyacine: omg you’re so right

Phainon: ??

Phainon: i would?

Castorice: You would.

Phainon: ok then

Phainon: grab one for me and i’ll take a look at it

Phainon: no promises tho

Hyacine: Course not! 

Hyacine: We just think it’d be fun!

Phainon : @Mydei

Phainon: you should try out for the godslayer!

Mydei: …why?

Phainon: I think you’d do a good job

Phainon: and idk, it’d be fun to do it together ig

Hyacine: YOU’D BE PERFECT FOR HIM

Castorice: Mydei would make a great Godslayer

Castorice: Plus, you two have a similar dynamic to them

Castorice: The chemistry would be very natural!

Mydei: Let me see what the show’s about before I decide at least

Cipher: cassie you are a visionary

Cipher: YOU AND POLYXIA SHOULD GO FOR THE FUNERAL MAIDENS

Cipher: im a genius too 😸

Hyacine: GUYS

Hyaicne: AGY AS THE GOLDWEAVER

Hyacine: IT'S LITERALLY YOUR NICKNAME IN THE JESTERS CHAT

Aglaea: Hmmmm

Aglaea: I’ll think about it

Aglaea: I already have a lot going on, but it could be a lot of fun to do it together.

Cipher : @Anaxagoras

Cipher : @Anaxagoras

Cipher : @Anaxagoras

Anaxagoras: I’M ALREADY HERE WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!

Cipher: lol whoops 

Cipher: you already know what im going to say tho

Anaxagoras: no

Hyacine: no as in…?

Anaxagoras: I’m not auditioning.

Cipher: guys

Cipher: besties

Cipher: you know what to do

Anaxagoras: Please don’t

Cipher: PLEASE 🥺

Phainon: Anaxa we beg of you 🥺

Hyacine: You’d leave on the stage alone? 🥺

Castorice: You don’t want to join us? Your friends? 🥺

Mydei: wtf

Anaxagoras: You guys know this stopped working years ago

Aglaea: Good. We don’t need you anyways.

Cipher: 👀

Anaxagoras: …

Anaxagoras: fuck you

Anaxagoras : @Hyacine grab me a packet as well, would you?

Aglaea: 🙄 And here I was getting my hopes up over nothing.

Phainon: you really shot yourself in the foot with that one

Aglaea: hush child

Phainon: you are a year and a half older than me

Aglaea: And you’re still legally a minor.

Mydei: get wrecked

Phainon: fight me

Mydei: you’re on

Hyacine: And there they go again

Hyacine: 🙄

Castorice: …this is my stats project now

Cipher: how often they fight?

Castorice: Yes.

Anaxagoras: Good luck keeping track of all that. O7

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Cipher: BETRYAL

Cipher: et tu, agy? 😿

Aglaea: 😏

Aglaea sent a video

[Video: Aglaea and Cipher, sitting across from each other at a nondescript fast-food chain. Cipher is munching away at a pile of curly fries, not having noticed the camera. With little preamble, Aglaea reaches over and marks her friend’s hand as calmly as could be. Cipher’s expression morphs into one of shock as the video ends.]

Hyacine: NOOO CIPHER 😭

Phainon: AGLAEA 

Phainon: HOW COULD YOU?!?

Mydei: war is brutal

Castorice: 😔

Anaxagoras: Welcome to the club

Anaxagoras: What flowers do you want at your funeral?

Cipher: black roses pls

Anaxagoras: Dramatic much?

Cipher: I JUST DIED 

Cipher: MY CORPSE IS STILL WARM

Aglaea: lol

Cipher: MY MURDERER STILL WALKS AMONGST YOU ALL

Phainon: i’ll avenge you cipher

Phainon: (if i get aglaea that is)

Cipher: really? youd do that for me?

Cipher: 😿

Phainon: I swear it to you, lady Cifera 

Mydei: good god you guys are dramatic

Phainon: it’s called having fun

Phainon: you should try it sometime

Mydei: 🙄

Chapter Text

[Private chat]

Phainon : have you killed anyone yet?

Mydei : 4

Phainon : damn

Phainon : you’re good at this

Mydei : you?

Phainon : 5

Phainon : :]

Mydei : I will smack that stupid smile off your face

Phainon : oh mydei

Phainon : just get a 5th kill and we’ll be evenly matched ;)

Mydei : I’m trying

Mydei : This target has proved themself to be a rather complex opponent 

Phainon : oh?

Phainon : how so?

Mydei : I know they suspect me. Every time I enter a space with them, they watch my every move, and stubbornly insist on keeping at least one other player around at all times to act as witness.

Phainon : ooo tricky

Phainon : any way I can help you?

Phainon : who is the target?

Mydei : I will not be telling you

Phainon : why not?!

Phainon : 🥲

Mydei : I have a suspicion that preexisting loyalties would prevail in this particular scenario

Phainon : you’re talking all big and fancy

Phainon : you can just say I know them

Mydei : ok

Mydei : you know them

Phainon : and you don’t think I’d help you?

Mydei : I also don’t want your help.

Phainon : why not?

Mydei : because I don’t need it

Phainon : you were just telling me about how much trouble this target is giving you

Mydei : Yes, but I will win this game myself

Phainon : that’s quite the hopeful thought

Phainon : it's as dear cassie said in her speech

Phainon : only those willing to play dirty and stab their friends in the back have a chance of winning

Mydei : but any victory must be a fair one

Phainon : love how we’re getting this philosophical about a game

Mydei : it's pretty fun

Phainon : agreed

Phainon : should I take this convo to mean you won’t help me with any of my targets?

Mydei : If you want to win against myself, no aid of mine shall come your way 

Phainon: see, this is why we said you’d make a great godslayer

Phainon : you two have similar ideals and a flair for the dramatic 

Mydei : you just want to watch me die tragically at your hands, don’t you?

Phainon : maybe a bit

Phainon : we would get to fight on stage if we both get the roles

Mydei : how is that special?

Mydei : We fight each other nearly every day

Phainon : 🙄

Phainon : you have no sense of whimsy

Mydei : you forget

Mydei : I’m traumatized

Phainon : bitch so am I 

Mydei : 🤨

Phainon : I watched my childhood home burn down with my parents inside

Mydei : I-

Mydei : I apologize 

Phainon : nah it's all good

Phainon : you didn’t know

Phainon : I was more surprised that you hadn’t asked about it before

Mydei : not really my business 

Mydei : it's your story to tell

Phainon : fair enough

Phainon : it's not exactly something I enjoy talking about

Phainon : but i’ve learned to live with it

Mydei : that makes sense

Mydei : kinda like how my father tried to murder me

Mydei : not much I can do about that anymore

Phainon : you get it

Phainon : well I have to go

Phainon : khaslana wants me to help with dinner

Phainon : this man knows I suck at cooking!

Mydei : probably better you than the other brother of yours

Phainon : you right you right

Mydei : I should probably make something for myself

Mydei : see you

Phainon : bye bye!

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Aglaea : Just to let you all know, we are down to half of the original players remaining.

Hyacine : I consider surviving this long an accomplishment!

Phainon : do you know who has the most kills?

Aglaea : I can check.

Phainon : pls do. I’m curious

Aglaea : wow

Cipher : 👀

Aglaea : Currently, the person with the most kills is Castorice.

Castorice : 🥰

Cipher : 🙀

Cipher : cassie?!

Phainon : how many do you have?

Castorice : 12

Phainon : holy shit

Cipher : our dear cassie is a serial killer!

Mydei : truly impressive 

Castorice : Thank you

Castorice : But I expect my downfall to come soon.

Castorice : Polyxia has been watching me a little too closely 

Castorice : 🥲

Hyaicne : Not your own twin!

Castorice : I fear my speech jinxed me

Anaxagoras : You invoked the power of Greek tragedies

Anaxagoras : By doing so, you invite your demise

Anaxagoras : It's now inevitable

Castorice : 😭

Mydei : @Castorice stick by me at book club tomorrow

Mydei : She can’t get you if I see it happen

Castorice : 🥹

Castorice : My savior

Cipher : mydei your in book club?

Mydei : I am.

Castorice : He is!

Castorice : He’s got a lot of neat insights and adds a lot to our conversations!

Aglaea : I’m glad to see you’re integrating well, Mydei.

Mydei : Thank you Aglaea.

Mydei : I have been curious about joining stuco

Aglaea : How awesome!

Aglaea : We have a meeting this afternoon actually if you want to sit in and see what it is we do.

Aglaea : We’re working on the finishing touches for homecoming today.

Mydei : I’ll be there

-----

[Private chat]

Aglaea : He’s planning to kill me.

Aglaea : I need you to stay nearby.

Hyacine : Mydei?

Aglaea : Yes, he’s been sticking oddly close to me since yesterday.

Hyacine : I got you 👍

Aglaea : Many thanks, Hyacine.

Aglaea : Are you aware of who is after you?

Hyacine : no 😭

Hyacine : I’m getting so paranoid of anyone who comes near it's horrible

Aglaea : All part of the fun.

Hyacine : You’re right you’re right.

-----

[Private chat]

Phainon : get fucked

Mydei : ??

Phainon : 8 kills for me!

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Phainon sent a video

[Video: The camera is facing the tile floor before being turned around a corner to see Hyacine carrying a stack of papers on her way to the stuco meeting classroom. She is humming a song, completely unaware of Phainon hiding behind the corner. As soon as she passes the hall, Phainon slides out to mark her hand. A look of betrayal carves across her face as Phainon’s giggles can be heard behind the camera.]

Cipher : NOOOOO

-----

[Private chat]

Mydei : Thank you

Phainon : what for?

Phainon : ?

Phainon : mydei??

-----

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Mydei sent a video

[Video: Mydei enters a classroom where Aglaea is sitting alone. She looks up when she notices Mydei enter and a smile etches itself onto her mouth. 

“Mydeimos, lovely to see you.” 

“Good afternoon, Aglaea.” His voice is gruff as usual, but not unkind.

A moment later, both turn to see Hyacine enter the room. Aglaea visibly relaxes.

Mydei then moves to sit next to Aglaea, befor pulling out his marker and ‘killing’ her. Surprise is painted across her face as she looks over to Hyacine, looking incredibly guilty.

“I’m sorry, Agy,” she pleads, lifting her hand to show her own, recently acquired mark.]

Hycine : My bad Agy!

Hyacine : I thought you saw Phainon’s message

Hyacine : 😭

Phainon : 😲

Phainon : (I’m still winning)

Mydei : (shut up)

Phainon : (make me)

Mydei : (fuck you)

Cipher : BOYS

Cipher : STOP FLIRTING

Cipher : YOU JUST KILLED 2 OF OUR FRIENDS

Cipher : HAVE SOME DECORUM

Phainon : nah

Phainon : bit busy being high on bloodlust

Mydei : you put a mark on someones hand

Mydei : chill out

Phainon : 🥲

Phainon : let me have my fun

Anaxagoras : 🙄

Anaxagoras : Drama queen

Phainon : I know who I am and I am proud of that man

Anaxagoras : *child

Phainon : I am being b u l l i e d

Cipher : baby

Cipher : baby boy

Cipher : baby snowy

Phainon : SHUT

Phainon : i get enough of that from Penthus as is!

Castorice : So between the 7 of us, only me, Phainon, and Mydei remain alive?

Aglaea : That is correct.

Cipher : my moneys on cas

Cipher : our resident serial killer <3

Castorice : <3

-----

THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

geneva suggestions 😈 : thoughts on me tearing apart the microwave to get the magnatron?

gods favorite chew toy : Absolutely not

gods favorite chew toy : go dig through a landfill like a normal person

geneva suggestions 😈 : sometimes i think you dont love me

gods favorite chew toy : i dont

geneva suggestions 😈 : sad now

gods favorite chew toy : ha ha

geneva suggestions 😈 : i could show this to cps

gods favorite chew toy : you’re 19 Pen

gods favorite chew toy : they won’t give a shit

gods favorite chew toy : I only have legal custody over Phainon

Phainomenon : I heard my name?

gods favorite chew toy : tf?

gods favorite chew toy : I didn’t even @ you?

Phainomenon : I’m just special like that

gods favorite chew toy : 🙄

geneva suggestions 😈 changed Phainomenon’s name to most specialist boy

most specialist boy : hey!

most specialist boy : you know what

most specialist boy : fuck you

most specialist boy : I will wear this title with honor

geneva suggestions 😈 : ok then 🙄

most specialist boy : oh yeah

most specialist boy : meant to tell you guys that I killed 3 people today

geneva suggestions 😈 : my baby bro is growing up!

gods favorite chew toy : …

gods favorite chew toy : please tell me this is a joke of some kind

gods favorite chew toy : I can’t be harboring 2 criminals 

gods favorite chew toy : The legal system was pain enough the first time around

most specialist boy : oh fuck my bad

most specialist boy : at school we’re playing a big game of assassin

most specialist boy : I got 3 people today

most specialist boy : I assure you they’re alive and well

most specialist boy : at least they were last I knew

gods favorite chew toy : oh thank fuck

geneva suggestions 😈 : you show up to school tomorrow and all 3 actually died

gods favorite chew toy : Please just keep staying out of trouble

gods favorite chew toy : I lost count of how many times I was called bc our dearest brother decided to make his issues everyone’s issues

geneva suggestions 😈 : its called having fun

geneva suggestions 😈 : i kept things entertaining

geneva suggestions 😈 : never a boring day with me around 

geneva suggestions 😈 : 🤪

gods favorite chew toy : Is that what we’re calling it?

most specialist boy : I do my best lana

gods favorite chew toy : this is why you’re the favorite

geneva suggestions 😈 : 😱

gods favorite chew toy : Penthus, you nearly set the entire yard on fire not even 3 hours ago.

geneva suggestions 😈 : HEY

geneva suggestions 😈 : i got it under control just fine!

gods favorite chew toy : you threw all our flour on it after trying to put it out with the hose which only spread it bc it was a GODDAMN GREASE FIRE

geneva suggestions 😈 : i admit

geneva suggestions 😈 : not my best moment 

most specialist boy : is that why the grass was black and smoking?

gods favorite chew toy : Yes.

most specialist boy : huh

most specialist boy : good to know ig

Chapter Text

WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Mydei sent a photo

[Photo: The inside of a school bathroom, the camera is facing the mirror. Just below, the sink is clearly missing.]

Mydei : TF am I supposed to do now?

Phainon : wtf

Cipher : did you check the trash?

Aglaea : I’ll send an email to admin. 

Aglaea : What bathroom is it?

Mydei : Upstairs, in the English wing

Aglaea : Thanks.

Anaxagoras : Why was my first thought ‘goddamnit Kevin’?

Castorice : At least they left the soap?

Phainon : @Anaxagoras I thought the same thing for a moment

Cipher : ok but can we talk about how someone ripepd a sink off the wall?

Cipher : how the fuck

Phainon : I kinda want to see if khas could do it

Phainon : he’s the strongest person I know

Hyacine : It’s not in the bathroom anymore?

Hyacine : How did someone sneak it out without being caught?

Cipher : thats what i want to know!

Cipher : i could learn a thing or two from them!

Aglaea : Cifera, I can’t believe I have to say this, but no stealing sinks.

Cipher : you never let me have any fun

Cipher : 😞

Aglaea : Your definition of fun is shoplifting.

Cipher : HEY!

Cipher : i only steal from from big chains

Cipher : they wont miss 10 bucks worth of eyeliner

Aglaea : 🙄

Hyacine : 🫣

Hyacine : so uhhh

Hyacine : Does everyone have their homecoming looks ready?

Anaxagoras : Nice subject change

Castorice : Polyxia and I do!

Cipher : (pls tell me youre matching again)

Castorice : (we are! ☺️)

Mydei : I’ve got mine ready.

Aglaea : I already have plans to kidnap Phainon so we can look for something together.

Mydei : Are you two matching as well?

Aglaea : No. 

Aglaea : I just don’t trust him to dress himself.

Phainon : 😔

Phainon : it's a tradition at this point

Aglaea : I’m counting it towards my community service hours.

Mydei : That bad?

Phainon : she exaggerates

Aglaea : That bad.

Anaxagoras : She legit made him take a colorblindess test because of how bad his matching was

Phainon : I can see colors just fine!

Aglaea : That makes it worse!

Aglaea : If you were colorblind, at least you’d have a half-decent excuse!

Phainon : I still don’t get what’s bad about how I dress myself!

Phainon : why can’t I just wear all the colors?!

Hyacine : 😓

Cipher : snowy…just no

Anaxagoras : This will be the only time I say this

Anaxagoras : But please listen to aglaea when it comes to this.

Aglaea : I’m literally about to go to college to study fashion design.

Aglaea : I think I know what I’m talking about.

Phainon : fine

Phainon : I can admit she has impeccable taste

Mydei : thats a large word for you

Phainon : I am literally a debate champion

Mydei : couldve fooled me

Phainon : 😡

Phainon : I’m honestly surprised you can read

Mydei : weak insult

Mydei : try again

Phainon : you literally put milk in pomegranate juice

Phainon : any opinion you have is automatically irrelevant 

Mydei : ok but it's actually pretty good

Phainon : it is not™ 

Cipher : 🍿

Castorice : I feel the need to tell you at least 2/3rds of all your guys’ bickering will end up in my writing

Mydei : I don’t know how I feel about that…

Phainon : pls let me read your writing cassie!

Phainon : You tell us all these cool ideas but you never let us read them!

Castorice : No ❤️

Anaxagoras : I’ve read her work. It’s for the best.

Castorice : 😳

Anaxagoras : It wasn’t all that hard to find your page

Phainon : …what

Phainon : what is she writing?

Cipher : flamechasers fanfiction mostly

Hyacine : Wait, really?

Hyacine : Please let me read them!

Castorice : pls no

Castorice : let me live without the shame

Phainon : what shame?

Castorice : dont even worry about it

Mydei : this is her way of saying she writes porn

Castorice : 😶

Phainon : okay and?

Phainon : i still want to support a young and upcoming author who happens to be one of my best friends

Phainon : (totally okay if you're not comfortable sharing your work cas. I'm just messing around 😋)

Anaxagoras : I'm more surprised you know what sex even is

Phainon : tf?

Cipher : wait which talk did you get?

Phainon : ??

Cipher : im guessing khaslana was the one who gave you the talk?

Phainon : yes?

Anaxagoras : She wants to know if your brother thinks you're into women or men.

Phainon : OOOOHH

Phainon : genuinely, I don't think he cares

Phainon : he just told me to be safe and ask questions

Cipher : i can respect that

Cipher : lana seems like a very chill going

Anaxagoras : Penthus would gladly argue with you for hours about that

Phainon : yeah, I’m the good kid who doesn’t commit actual felonies every week

Phainon : as long as I get good grades and am a decent person he couldn’t care less

Phainon : wrong phrasing

Phainon : he definitely cares, he just doesn’t need to watch my every step

Aglaea : You’re not the one sneaking a possibly rabid raccoon into the basement.

Phainon : exactly!

Hyacine : How did he not die from bringing a rabid raccoon indoors?

Phainon : it wasn’t actually rabid. Animals tend to just hate Penthus on principle.

Anaxagoras : It’s as mysterious as it is entertaining 

Anaxagoras : My working theory is they can sense the evil in his heart

Phainon : I would argue that my brother isn’t evil, but he is one lab accident away from becoming a supervillain so idk.

-----

[Private chat]

Mydei : You were right, she is watching you like a hawk

Castorice : RIGHT?!

Castorice : My own sister…

Castorice : What a cruel fate we shall meet…

Mydei : your dramatazation of this whole thing makes it so much more entertaining 

Castorice : TY! I tried!

Mydei : I’m guessing your plan is to just outlast her?

Castorice : Yeah, but I fear my end nears ever closer

Castorice : I have it on good intel that Polyxia is Phainon’s current target

Mydei : oh no

Castorice : You see my issue

Mydei : I do

Mydei : One of them is going to get you

Castorice : I was doing so well

Castorice : 🥲

Mydei : how many kills are you up to now?

Castorice : 23

Mydei : holy fuck

Mydei : my respect for you grows more with each passing day

Castorice : aww 🥹

Castorice : You’re pretty cool too 

Castorice : I’m glad Phainon brought you into our group

Castorice : Even if his methods were a bit…unconventional 

Mydei : I admit theres a strange charm to him

Castorice : There really is

Castorice : Only he could get the guy he fist fought in the parking lot to flirt with him on main

Mydei : stfu

Mydei : I was trying to be mean

Castorice : You said you would bathe him.

Mydei : Because he was a dog in that scenario! I was calling him helpless!

Castorice : ok ok

Castorice : I believe you

Mydei : I know you don’t mean that.

Mydei : But I have something else to ask you so I’ll drop it for now

Castorice : Yes?

Mydei : So, for homecoming, you know how groups tend to go out to eat together?

Castorice : I do

Mydei : Do you think I could convince the group to have dinner at my place and let me cook for everyone?

Castorice : I think we would love to!

Mydei : ok thanks

Mydei : I’ll ask the group at lunch and find out about any allergies/restrictions 

Castorice : yay!

Castorice : We finally get to try Mydeimos Nikador’s cooking!

Castorice : !

Castorice : Does that mean we get to meet your mom?!

Mydei : probably

Mydei : She’ll stay out of our way, but I know she’d like to meet all of you

Castorice : :]

Mydei : :]

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WARRRRRR!!!!!!⚔️⚔️⚔️

Phainon sent a video

[Video: Polyxia is sitting at a picnic table outside the school with a few friends, all of which are either not part of the game, or have already been killed. Phainon walks over the table as quietly as possible, but still casually enough to not rouse attention. He comes to stand next to Polyxia, whose hand is conveniently placed on her wheelchair's arm rest. Phainon reaches out and quickly marks her hand. Before the video cuts, gasps of shock and his giggling can be heard.]

Castorice : my final hours begin…

Phainon : hi cassie!

Castorice : Absolutely not.

Cipher : does phainon have cas?

Mydei : he does

Phainon : how tf do you know that?

Mydei : I have my ways

Cipher : snowy you better not lay a hand on dear sweet cassie!

Hyacine : Noooo, not Polyxia!

Anaxagoras : @Castorice ask your sister what flowers she wants at her funeral

Castorice : She said white and purple orchids

Castorice : May I request the same for my own?

Anaxagoras : Of course

Castorice : thank you

Cipher : awww the twins get matching funeral bouquets

Hyacine : That sounds so fucked up

Mydei : We’re hunting each other for sport

Mydei : of course it’s gonna be a bit dark

Phainon : I’m curious now

Anaxagoras : oh no

Phainon : What would everyone’s weapon of choice be?

Phainon : for me personally, I just want a massive sword

Phainon : like one with really cool decorations 

Anaxagoras : easy

Anaxagoras : gun

Anaxagoras : simple, effective, to the point

Hyacine : @Phainon is magic considered a weapon here?

Phainon : sure, why not

Phainon : It’s our power fantasy we’ll never attain, why not go all out?

Hyacine : Awesome. I choose magic staff

Cipher : oh but hear me out on this

Phainon : 👂

Cipher : giant magnet

Cipher : cant fight back if i have all your weapons

Anaxagoras : That is so impractical on so many levels.

Phainon : Creative. I like it. 12/10

Phainon : @Castorice thoughts?

Castorice : I admit I’m a big fan of massive anime scythes, so I’ll go with one of those

Cipher : every quiet girl needs her massive fuck off bladed weapon of mass destruction :)

Mydei : I’ll have to go with my own fists

Mydei : I can get a lot done with those

Phainon : ok, but any weapon ever. magic included

Mydei : Fine. Give me some cool gauntlets so I can do more damage.

Phainon : A bit basic but I’ll accept it

Phainon : @Aglaea your turn!

Aglaea : My turn for what?

Cipher : read up

Aglaea Ah, I see. 

Aglaea : I think a sword would be fine for me.

Aglaea : Something simple, but elegant with multiple uses.

Phainon : hold on 

Phainon sent a photo

[Photo: Phainon, maybe a bit younger than he currently is, standing in the grass, trying to hold up a sword that is nearly as tall as he is. Its guard and hilt are in the shape of the sun’s rays, while the blade has been tempered a deep blue at its base that lightens towards the tip.]

Phainon : just remembered this was in my camera roll

Anaxagoras : I remember Penthus getting that beast at the ren fair a few years ago.

Anaxagoras : He actually threatened to use it against Mydei a few weeks back.

Phainon : WHAT? WHY?

Mydei : did he now? 🤨

Anaxagoras : He did. It was after you guys beat the shit out of each other for fun 

Phainon : wow okay

Phainon : you talked him out of it, right?

Anaxagoras : Of course I did.

Anaxagoras : I’ve already told him that if he ever commits homicide, he isn’t allowed to put any incriminating evidence on my phone.

Aglaea : …I will never understand the friendship you two have.

Anaxagoras : I was nice to the weird kid once and now I’m stuck with him.

Phainon sent a video

[Video: Phainon is hiding behind a shelf of books, the camera positioned to watch Cas through an opening in said shelf. She is sitting at one of the study desks, a pile of books at her side. The only noice that can be heard is the hum of the AC as Phainon begins to sneak closer and closer. Every step is carefully placed so as to not alert his friend to his approach. He manages to make it two feet behind her before she notices, but by then it’s too late, and he’s already reached out to successfully mark her hand.]

Cipher : NOOOOOOOOO CASSSIEEE

Hyacine : !!

Castorice : My reign has reached its end 😭

Castorice : Alas, I may join my sister in that peaceful field of flowers

Phainon : One step closer to victory!

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