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The heavens were collapsing. Mortals flourished, building new worlds that didn’t require blessings from above. Slowly, heavenly officials were being erased from existence from the lack of followers, their temples abandoned, and the fear settling in every god’s stomach—they are going to die. From lower ranked gods fading, the circle began shrinking, and now, there were only a few gods left. Xie Lian, martial god of the north, and the two martial gods of the south. Xie Lian was safe due to the devotion of the ghost king, Pei Ming was temporarily safe with the devotion of girls believing he’s a god of love, but the martial gods of the south? Their fate was inevitable, and both of them awaited their demise.
The two martial gods lay in the grass in the courtyard of Nan Yang, gulping wine carelessly. Mu Qing wiped the droplets off his chin, and Feng Xin tossed another bottle to the side. While Mu Qing was barely tipsy, Feng Xin was fully drunk, laughing to himself. They stay sprawled on the grass, gazing up at the stars above. Despite facing death, Mu Qing tried to remain stoic and calm, while on the inside he was filled with dread. Dread of dying alone, fading away with no one to remember him or love him.
He always thought that’s how he’d die. Why would anyone be there in his last moments anyway?
He turned his head, looking at Feng Xin, the man he had painfully loved for centuries. he was turning a bottle upside down, grumbling at there being no wine left. “Ugh… No more wine..”
“You’ve had more than enough, you’re going to be terribly sick tomorrow.” Mu Qing took the bottle from Feng Xin and tossed it away. Feng Xin laughed at that.
“Is tomorrow even going to come?” He asked, his voice tinged with sadness, looking at Mu Qing. Mu Qing paused, he was right. He merely sighed in response. Feng Xin noticed the change in mood and quickly added “Hey, you hated all the stress right? At least now you won’t have all of that anymore.” Mu Qing rolled his eyes, smiling.
“I guess you’re right.” Feng Xin’s heart skipped a beat. Seeing Mu Qing smile made his heart do backflips and he felt his cheeks burn up, despite their situation. The two then laid in silence, the thought of the inevitable sinking in. The tense atmosphere suffocated Feng Xin’s alcohol daze, making him nauseous. Worse, he hated seeing Mu Qing upset. Seeing the man he secretly loved holding back tears made his heart ache.
“Mu Qing,” He sat up on his elbow. “Why are you so sad about dying?” He asked. Mu Qing scoffed.
“You know what? Yeah! It’s just death, right? Nothing serious!” He laughed sarcastically. Feng Xin glared.
“If you’re scared to die it means there’s something holding you back from dying, something you wish you could do before leaving.” Feng Xin said. “Think of me as a wish granting spirit, you have 3 wishes. What are the the things you wish you could’ve done?” These words piqued Mu Qing’s interest, making him turn to face Feng Xin, head rested on his arm.
“Well… First, I wish to paint. Paint something.” Feng Xin nodded. He stood up and stumbled into his abode, and came back with paints, a canvas and a brush. Mu Qing’s eyes widened.
“I received these as an offering a while back.” He said, setting the items down on the grass. Mu Qing’s eyes sparkled. Feng Xin nodded. “Go crazy.” Mu Qing immediately began working on a landscape, painting clean strokes on the canvas with a variety of colors. He had a focused yet passionate expression on his face, making Feng Xin unable to look away. How could a man look so beautiful? He looked carved by angels, snowy skin, dark shiny hair, thick lashes lacing beautiful black eyes that glimmer when he’s happy, soft, pink lips that look unbearably kissable, and a refined slender nose and brows making Mu Qing look ethereal.
After 30 minutes of Feng Xin’s gawking and Mu Qing’s working, he finally flipped the canvas to show Feng Xin. It was a pretty landscape with turquoise skies and rolling hills, and trees of different colors. The Sun was at the center, casting a beautiful gleam amongst some of the trees. From someone who doesn’t paint, it was exceptional. “What do you think?” Mu Qing asked, looking at Feng Xin’s reaction. To his surprise, his expression was soft and tender, a warm smile graced his face.
“Perfect.” Feng Xin replied in the softest voice—but his gaze wasn’t on the canvas. Mu Qing flushed as Feng Xin looked him straight in the eye. Those words sounded so affectionate, words that didn’t feel right for a mere painting. Mu Qing stared at those hazel, tiger-like eyes longer till he couldn’t bare the electricity coursing through him anymore.
“You’re such a tease..” Mu Qing groaned.
Feng Xin chuckled in response. “Okay, what’s your next wish?”
Mu Qing thought long and hard about it. Despite everything, the skies falling, the scarce prayers weakening him, or the ache in his chest, one wish felt like the antidote. He hesitated. “I..” he paused. “I want to get married. Even if it’s just pretend.” He said softly. Feng Xin’s eyes widened. He would have expected something like ‘fight you’ or ‘burn a forest down’—anything but that. And yet, hidden in his heart, he had secretly hoped this day would come. He sat up, watching Mu Qing look up at the sky. “I don’t want to die alone, I want to die knowing someone chose me.” His words felt like a stab to the heart, full of emotion. Feng Xin could see the insecurity seeping through his words. The two gods were silent, one speechless, one holding back tears. Eventually, Feng Xin turned to Mu Qing, taking his trembling, cold hand in his own warm ones.
“Then let me choose you.” Feng Xin finally spoke, his voice barely over a whisper. This made Mu Qing jolt, looking at Feng Xin with surprise. But there was no false in his eyes, and no sign of uncertainty. Mu Qing felt a wave of emotions course through him. He could only stay frozen in place. Feng Xin continued. “You want to die knowing someone chose you, loved you. I’m choosing you, I always have.” His voice grew more determined before it returned to a tender whisper. “You just never let me tell you.” He ended. Mu Qing could barely believe any word uttered. There was a tense silence. Feng Xin waiting for Mu Qing’s response, and Mu Qing feeling like maybe he should just fade away right now.
He finally built up the courage to speak, “I would’ve married you centuries ago, I just… Thought you would say no.” He muttered, his hands trembling even more. Despite falling for Feng Xin 1000 years ago, something had always held him back. Maybe it was him believing Feng Xin had feelings for Xie Lian, maybe there was too much work stress for a relationship, or Jian Lan. There was never a perfect moment to confess, so he convinced himself he would stand from the sidelines forever with a smile on his face, loving him quietly. And for a man like him, even that was enough.
Feng Xin watched Mu Qing fight with himself. And it was getting on his nerves. “Mu Qing, look at me,” He said firmly. Mu Qing turned his gaze to Feng Xin, his eyes slightly moist, making Feng Xin’s heart ache. “We are going to die. If not now, then later. There’s no time to conflict. Besides, we have everything we need for our ceremony, some wine, water, each other, what el-” He got cut off by Mu Qing covering his mouth.
His eyes were red, and wide. His teeth chattered slightly. his breathing heavy and uneven. His words came out shaking and doubtful. “Feng Xin, are you sure?”
Feng Xin held the eye contact, his gaze firm. “Yes I’m sure. I’m not doing this to be kind, I’m doing this because I love you, Mu Qing. And I don’t want to die without you knowing how much.” His voice was desperate, longing, determined.
Then, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a transformation crystal. It can turn into anything one truly needs. he closed his eyes, pouring the remainder of his spiritual energy into the crystal, picturing two diamond rings inlaid with diamonds the color of Mu Qing’s and his own eyes, and once he opened his eyes, before him was that very pair of two beautiful rings. Mu Qing looked at the rings and back up at Feng Xin, tears forming in his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening, his heart racing he thought Feng Xin could hear it.
Feng Xin faced Mu Qing, his shaking hand extending, holding one of the rings, the one he had dreamed about giving for centuries to his love. He looked at Mu Qing, his eyes red as well. “Mu Qing, will you marry me? Will you spend your last moments with me… As your husband?” He wasn’t just proposing, he was pleading, drowning in the love he kept hidden for centuries. Mu Qing gasped at his words, his breathing was shallow and rapid, and he pinched himself just to make sure he wasn’t already dead. But when he still saw the love of his life in-front of him, a handsome tanned man with slightly disheveled brown hair, holding a ring that gleamed in the moonlight, and desperate, loving eyes, ones that he would forever feel safe in, there was only one word that could bring him eternal happiness.
“Yes, yes I will.” The words poured out like water flowing down a stream, without a second thought.
For a few moments, time had slowed down.
Then, Feng Xin’s eyes brightened, a grin forming on his lips. His heart was filled with peace, a tingling sensation all over his skin. It felt that the weight of this centuries awaited confession, had finally lifted off the two god’s shoulders. Centuries full of doubt, glances, hesitation, and silence was finally at ease, and it felt like the world around them was more vibrant, that all the flowers paused their swaying to watch this perfect moment. Mu Qing’s tears softly dripped down his cheeks, his lips curled into a soft smile, lips quivering. He had finally gotten what he yearned for a millennia, and it was even warmer, softer than he had expected. He had doubted even getting a confession at all, let alone a proposal. It felt like the world graced him with something—someone he didn’t deserve.
Mu Qing happily extended his left hand, and Feng Xin laced the ring through his finger, and it fit like it was waiting for this very man all along. Mu Qing admired the ring, a silver band with gems that was glowing in the moonlight, so much so he could see his own reflection. He then took the second ring, and Feng Xin put his hand out, eyes never leaving Mu Qing’s face as he watched with a tender smile as Mu Qing slid it over his finger, fitting snug like it belonged there, and was never going to leave.
The two admired their rings, the sign of an eternal promise, an engagement filled with raw, deep emotions that only they could understand. It felt like the world had stopped entirely, everything had gone quiet to watch this intimate moment the two desperate god’s shared. Feng Xin pulled Mu Qing into his arms, embracing him as if he was going to disappear right now. Mu Qing was taken aback by this much physical proximity, but melted into the embrace, his arms looping through his back and up to his shoulders, burying his head in Feng Xin’s chest, making harsh breaths sounding like sobs. As much as Feng Xin tried to stay calm, his exhales came out trembling as he put his forehead to Mu Qing’s. “Don’t cry, not now…” He murmured, stroking Mu Qing’s hair. “We aren’t actually married yet.” He added, wiping Mu Qing’s tears with the other hand. Mu Qing sniffled, looking up at Feng Xin.
“Just this has given me so much joy.” He replied. Feng Xin smiled.
“But if your wish is to get married, then I want you to get married knowing how the ceremony is.” Feng Xin spoke gently. Mu Qing hesitated, but eventually nodded.
The two officials scrambled around the Nan Yang estate finding makeshift things for a small ceremony. Feng Xin found two red ribbons, Mu Qing found a small bucket of water, and Feng Xin found some leftover wine, enough for two cups. The two regrouped back outside with their items in hand. Mu Qing still had some spiritual energy stored, making a small altar. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. Mu Qing tied the red band with golden trims around his forehead, letting his hair loose. Feng Xin fixed his hair into a bun and tied his hairband. The two looked incredibly improper with the contrast of colors. Mu Qing snorted looking at the other man. “You look ridiculous.” Feng Xin huffed.
“Like you look any better.” But he said it with a smile on his face. He secretly admired how gorgeous Mu Qing looked with his hair down.
First, they did the hand washing, Mu Qing carefully brought the bucket of water, setting it between them. They rolled up their sleeves and dipped their hands in the bucket, as Mu Qing began gently scrubbing Feng Xin’s rough hands, watching Feng Xin grin with glee. Then, Feng Xin began washing Mu Qing’s hands, feeling the gentle skin between his own, rubbing beneath the water softly. He got a few droplets on Mu Qing’s face, making him chuckle and Mu Qing roll his eyes. In response, he splashed some of the water in Feng Xin’s face, making them erupt in playful laughter. Then, the wine drinking. Feng Xin poured two cups of red wine, that was barely half full. “You won’t spill on me?” He asked. Mu Qing smirked.
“No promises.” He replied, lifting his own cup. The two stretched their arms out, crossing one another's as they tried sipping their cup to each other, but neither of them could do it without laughing. The laughing made a warm, fuzzy feeling fill Mu Qing’s heart. He had never laughed this genuinely in a long, long time. Moments later the two managed to finish the wine, setting the cups aside.
Lastly, they stood for the three bows. Mu Qing couldn’t help but smile, excitement bubbling within him. Feng Xin tried to stay calm, but Mu Qing’s grin made his heart race. This was it, after this, neither of them would have to be alone.
The first bow, to the sky.
The second, to their parents. Mu Qing wished his mother could witness this moment.
And lastly, one deep bow to each other, wrapping up the small ceremony.
Mu Qing arose along with Feng Xin, gazing at each other, simply accepting this new moment. Then, Feng Xin stepped a bit closer, his arms wrapping around Mu Qing’s waist, making him jolt in surprise. There was a tenderness in his smile, one that reached his eyes. “Qing-er..” He whispered gently. Mu Qing blushed at the nickname, but smiled in response.
”A-xin..” He responded smoothly. Feng Xin’s smile widened at that.
“I love you, **my** Qing-er.” The words Mu Qing waited for rang in his years, again and again. He was so overjoyed he felt tears ready to build again.
“I love you too, my A-xin.” He answered. They looked into each other’s eyes, Feng Xin glancing down at his lips before slowly leaning in.. Mu Qing was surprised and nervous, but when their lips met, all those feelings of uncertainty washed away. Mu Qing melted into the kiss, his hands holding Feng Xin’s shoulders and neck, while Feng Xin kissed him tenderly and desperately, not wanting to pull away. To Feng Xin, the taste of Mu Qing’s lips made him feel like he could die without regrets, that he had completed his duty in this world.
Despite the world collapsing around them, for just a moment, everything felt perfect.
When Feng Xin finally pulled away, Mu Qing inched closer, expecting Feng Xin’s lips to return, but when they didn’t he opened his eyes. The man before him had tears streaming down his face. Mu Qing’s expression dropped. “W-what happened? Is it happening? Are you fading?” He asked with a panicked voice. Feng Xin shook his head.
“I just wish we had more time. I wish we could spend eternity together, why must the world be so cruel?” He choked, looking down. Mu Qing moved his hands to cup Feng Xin’s face, feeling his own eyes sting.
“Since we ascended, we knew we won’t be able to control when people stop believing in us, right? This was bound to happen, it just, happened too soon.” He gulped. “But hey, even if we did have more time, all we would do is argue and fight, at least now we won’t have to deal with that right?” He let out a sad chuckle, hoping Feng Xin would laugh, but he didn’t.
“Even if we would argue every f##ing second of the day, I would have gladly endured it if it meant I could have you forever.” He said, voice thick with emotion. This shattered Mu Qing’s heart. This other man was ready for everything he disliked as long as he had more time, and now that they don’t, he feels helpless. Mu Qing was at a loss for words. There was silence, only the sound of Feng Xin’s harsh breaths were in the still air. Finally, Mu Qing built up the courage to say,
“A-xin, you were the one who had told me it’s now or never, please, let’s not waste our last moments mourning the time we don’t have. Let’s spend these moments enjoying each other’s company.” He said sternly, hoping to stop Feng Xin from crying. Feng Xin thought about those words, and then nodded.
“You’re right..” He whispered. He embraced Mu Qing tighter. Mu Qing still saw the distress in his eyes, and hesitantly leaned in to kiss him again. Feng Xin was surprised Mu Qing took the chance, but kissed him back feverously, pouring all his affection in, wishing this moment wouldn’t end.
~~~~~~
The two sat at the small alter, Mu Qing resting his head on his husband’s shoulder, playing with his ring. Feng Xin’s fingers looped around Mu Qing’s hair, twirling it mindlessly. “This has to be the worst wedding I’ve been to.” Mu Qing started. Feng Xin chuckled.
“We’ve only ever been to Dianxia’s wedding.” Feng Xin replied.
“Exactly.” He smirked. But his eyes softened. “But, I guess I’m happy it was you.” Feng Xin smiled hearing that. Mu Qing continued. “You really mean it? That it had always been me?”
“Always.” Just one word was enough for Mu Qing, allowing him to relax.
“Then, if I die now, it won’t be so bad.” He spoke. Feng Xin smiled knowingly, even though his heart ached.
“Don’t say things like that. You’re not dying yet.”
“But you look like you’re grieving me already.” Feng Xin paused at this response.
At that moment, the two felt rain fall on their hands and face. Since the heavens are collapsing, the natural events of the mortal realm is fusing with that of above. Mu Qing pulled Feng Xin to his feet before the two went inside the abode to shield from the downpour outside. “Well, there goes our wedding venue.” Mu Qing stated playfully. Feng Xin laughed in response. They went inside, taking off their wet outer robes. Mu Qing settled on Feng Xin’s bed, in his simple inner robe. He shook his hair, smoothing the slightly damp locks. Feng Xin watched with a smirk on his face.
“You’re so pretty Qing-er.” He said sweetly, settling next to his husband. Mu Qing scoffed.
“You say that like you’re talking about the weather.”
“I could repeat it for centuries, but even that won’t express how pretty you are.” Mu Qing sat closer to Feng Xin at these words, raising a brow.
“What are you trying to say?”
Feng Xin smiled. “That I love you.” He pulled Mu Qing into his lap. Mu Qing’s ears burned up.
“How much?” Mu Qing replied with a lower voice.
“Want me to show you?” Feng Xin whispered, his voice low and husky. His eyes narrowed as his arms snaked around Mu Qing’s slender waist. Mu Qing was startled but smirked at that.
“Perhaps..”
Feng Xin pulled Mu Qing into a deep, passionate kiss, moving hungrily against his husband’s lips. His hands travelled everywhere as Mu Qing’s wrapped around Feng Xin’s shoulders, locking them in this position. Then, Feng Xin’s lips travelled to his neck, peppering gentle kisses over the skin, while his hand loosened the collar of his and Mu Qing’s robes. Mu Qing’s mind was going wild, melting into the feeling of Feng Xin’s lips on his skin. The moment his robe fell loose, Feng Xin lowered the other man onto the mattress, before his lips crashed into Mu Qing’s again, and they both drowned in the feeling of each other in the silence of the night.
~~~~~~
It was twilight. Mu Qing crawled over to light a small lantern before settling back into Feng xin’s arms. They felt like a big warming talisman, enveloping him with love. Mu Qing felt an unusual peace while Feng Xin was beaming after the night of intimacy they shared. They lay in silence, still breathing heavy from before. Feng Xin planted a small kiss on Mu Qing’s forehead before asking, “How was it? Nothing hurts right?”
“It was okay.” Mu Qing answered bluntly.
Feng Xin faked hurt. “Really? But it looked like you were enjoying it so much!”
Mu Qing smirked. “You’re presence really killed the mood.”
“That’s not what I saw when the only thing you were saying was my name.” Mu Qing blushed.
“You’re such a tease, Ju yang!” He snapped. Feng Xin laughed.
“Of course you would know, right?” He winked. Mu Qing pinched him at the waist, making his husband hiss. “Ahh, Okay okay okay!” Mu Qing let go, fingers lingering longer than they should.
The two’s laughter died down into a comfortable silence. Mu Qing admired the stars glistening in the night sky. His voice were gentler. “I had always thought I would die alone, with no one to love me and be with me.” Feng Xin’s arms instinctively wrapped around him tighter. “But I would have never expected my final moments being with my rival who’s my husband.” The two chuckled together.
“These were the best moments of my life.” Feng Xin contemplated. Mu Qing snuggled in closer, humming in response. “Even if it was spent with a dork like you, I wouldn’t have imagined this to be with any other.” Feng Xin added, lifting Mu Qing’s chin before pecking him softly on the lips. Mu Qing laughed into the kiss.
Another gentle silence passed between them, before Mu Qing wrapped a blanket around them slowly, cuddling into Feng Xin. After a while, Mu Qing broke the silence.
“A-Xin. I know what I want for my last wish.” Feng Xin turned to face Mu Qing. Something flickered in his eyes for an instant..
“Oh? And that is?”
Mu Qing took a deep shaking breath, “I want you to promise me, that when we die and reincarnate, you will find me again, in every lifetime.” Mu Qing said hopefully. When he glanced at Feng Xin, he had a sorrowful smile and red eyes, reflecting inevitable and something else Mu Qing couldn’t decipher.
After a few moments of thought, Feng Xin replied, “I promise, I won’t let fate pull us apart. You’re forever mine and I’m forever yours.” He said, but his voice cracked.
Mu Qing raised a brow. “What’s wrong?” Feng Xin shook his head, pulling Mu Qing closer.
“Nothing. I just love you so much.” He said, holding Mu Qing tight. However, Feng Xin could see his hand disappearing, and could see his husbands long hair fading away. Their time had come, but he didn’t say anything, as to not scare Mu Qing.
Mu Qing was completely unaware, smiling. “Thank you for everything.” The words sounded agonizing to Feng Xin, but he kept a smile as Mu Qing leaned in to kiss him one last time, savoring the taste of the other as much as he could.
Their lips parted, Feng Xin could feel Mu Qing’s breath, that was slowly shallowing.
Mu Qing closed the distance, tucking his head beneath Feng Xin’s chin, his arms looping behind to hold Feng Xin by the shoulders. Feng Xin wrapped Mu Qing in a hug, feeling his bare skin beneath his fingers, trying to memorize how it feels to hug the other man in their last embrace. Mu Qing listened to Feng Xin’s heartbeat, finding it a calming tune.
“Let’s sleep, just for a while.” Mu Qing whispered. Feng Xin’s hand brushed Mu Qing’s cheek.
“Yeah, goodnight, Qing-er.” He whispered back. Mu Qing could feel dampness on his scalp, but brushed it off as drowsiness. Feng Xin tried to push his tears back as he closed his eyes, feeling the sleep coming to ease him, fast.
Almost too fast.
The two god’s breathing slowed down, their heartbeats slowing in sync. Feng Xin’s frame began to blur, before disappearing into the night, floating away like petals. Mu Qing’s form followed, flying away with his love to a place they could find each other again. The warmth of their bodies on the bed began to cool, and the only thing marking their love was the two rings, conjoined, inseperable, fused together by the intensity of their love. It was as if the rings understood, even in death, they were one. The two rings lay on the bed where the two god’s once were, glimmering in the dying lantern light.
The gods had faded, but their love still lingered in the room. And it’s as if you could still hear their voices…
“Forever yours..”
“Forever mine.”
“Until we meet again.”