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I Can Admit It That I am Not Fireproof
It's been a year since Carl left me. How do I know that it has been a year; Tara keeps a calendar because she says, “since the world is dead it's important to keep dates.” Okay. Whatever. But anyways back to the most beautiful boy in the world. He and I were dating for three years until I messed shit up.
*Flashback*
Carl and I were holding hands while he was holding Judith’s hand. We were celebrating our three year anniversary. Carl was finally eighteen, but no matter what he would still be the most adorable “man” in the world. We were laughing at Judith making funny faces at us until, the she devil herself, decided to come and ruin things as always.
“Hey Ron,” Enid said and sat down next to me. She gave Carl a disgusting look and rolled her eyes, “Oh, yeah, hey Carl.”
My sweet boy decided to do the right thing and smile brightly at her and wave his hand.
She sighed and stared at Judith, “So what are yall doing?”
Carl opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off quickly, “Nothing.”
He gave me a disapproving look, “We were just walking around with Judith. It's our anniversary, but we didn’t want to do anything really special so were just hanging out. You wanna join us?”
She looked at him and smiled, “Why thank you, Carl,” She said and smiled at me. “I would love to join you.”
“Fuck,” I mumbled. Carl heard me and smacked me lightly.
An hour … a whole hour I had to spend with Carl and Enid talking about comic books in Carls room and it was killing me. We moved inside and immediately Enid took Carls bed and jumped on it with him. This was supposed to be my time with Carl, not Enid.
Carl saw my face and scooted away from Enid a bit, and got off the bed.
“I don’t know about you guys but I'm a little bit thirsty. You guys want anything?”
“No thanks babe,” I said getting up to walk with him.
“No it's okay I got it,” Carl said and walked away. Once again I was left with Enid. Tragic.
She got off the bed and pulled a chair next to mine.
“Yes?” I said not even looking at her.
“Why,” She asked.
“Why what,” I said. Please let her stop talking.
“Why did you leave me for Carl? I mean I gave you everything! When your dad was horrible to you I let you come to me! I even gave you my virgini-“
“Okay, that enough! I left you because you cheated on me with Mikey! I mean Jesus Christ Enid you’re relentless,” I got up to move away from her and sat on the bed.
She got up too and sat on the bed next to me, “But does Carl give you everything that you want?”
“That and more,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
She put her hand on my thighs and started to move up. My eyes widened and I got up quickly and took her hand off of me.
“What are you doing? I’m with Carl!”
She moved right in front of me and put her hands on my face and spoke quietly, “I just want to figure something out,” She said and she slowly put her lips on mine. I didn’t miss this did I? No, maybe I was kissing back because pity for her?
“Asshole.”
Enid and I both split apart and saw Carl with tears streaming down his face.
“No baby,” I said trying to move closer to him, but Carl was not having that. He backed away from me and started to push me away.
“No please. Carl, don’t leave me,” I said still in shock.
“Get out,” He said.
“No.”
“Now!”
Enid and I both looked at each other; she was the first one to get out of the room first. I slowly started to move out of his room, and I took one last look at him.
“I love you,” I said looking at him in his baby blue eyes.
“I hate you. We are done,” he said and slammed the door on my face.
Yeah, that sucks doesn’t it. The worst part about this is that I still have the necklace that Carl gave me. The necklace was just a small chain with the letter C engraved on it and it was shaped like a heart.
I was sitting outside playing with the necklace as usual until I saw Enid walk up and sit down right next to me on the porch.
“Fuck off,” I said.
“Ron, it's been a year let me explain-“
“I said fuck off Enid,” I shouted at her making her jump.
“I'm gay,” She whispered.
I quickly turned my head to look at her only to find her staring at the ground with tears in her eyes.
“You sure?”
She looked at me and laughed weakly, “Yeah. Turns out I actually hated every time you kissed me and every time we … you know … I hated it. I didn’t hate it, it was nice, but it just wasn’t my thing.”
I nodded my head slowly, “Yeah.”
I looked up only to find Carl looking at both Enid and I with disgust and he scoffed rolling his eyes.
“Hey,” I said weakly.
“Asshole,” He said and walked away. That’s how we greeted each other every time we saw each other and it broke my heart, or what's left of it, piece by piece.
“You can get him back,” Enid said to me.
“No, I lost him for good this time,” I sighed and continued to play with the necklace wishing and praying that we would somewhat still love me.
Enid and I both looked up quickly to hear the screams of the person who I loved the most. Once I found where he was there was a herd of walkers his way. The wall had fallen down and Aaron and Rick were running his way.
Soon enough my feet were moving and I was killing everything that stood in my way of me and my baby boy.
“Carl,” I screamed. “Take my hand,” still trying to kill more walkers. Rick was screaming for Carl to go and make sure Judith was okay.
We ran over to his house and got into Judith's room and locked the door. Once we sat down with Judith who was bubbly as always, I tried to catch a glimpse of the boy who I still loved.
“You know I can feel you staring at me,” He said still looking down at Judith. “You were always bad at that you know? I always felt you staring at me.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I couldn’t help it. Still can't.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what Carl?”
He finally looked up at me, but his blue eyes were watery and it broke my heart. I wanted to take all the pain away that he every had and that I ever caused.
“Don’t fucking make me fall in love with you again, because you’re an asshole and you will always be one. You broke my heart, Ron. I hate you. I fucking hate you.”
I looked down at the floor and now tears were coming down my eyes.
“Do you want to know why?”
“Why what,” He said harshly.
“Why Enid and I kissed.”
He rolled his eyes, “You just won't stop hurting me huh Ron?”
“Shut up,” I said and scooted closer to him. “We kissed, and once again it was not me who did it, but we kissed because she was trying to figure out who she was. She's gay Carl. She was trying to figure it all out and while I admit it I was still in the wrong to kiss her back, but dammit Carl I love you, and hell I still do. I would die for you because I still love you … but it sounds like you still hate me.”
“Asshole,” he said, but once he looked up he had a small smile on his face.
I looked up at him and moved closer to him holding his hands in mine.
“I love you, Carl Grimes, please just tell me you feel the same,” I said hopefully.
He looked at me and smiled, “You have such bad timing,” and kissed me.
It felt like the first time we kissed before. There were fireworks and it felt like heaven. Everything was right in the world.
As soon and he was grabbing my shirt I pulled away and he whined. Dammit, I missed that.
“Judith,” I whispered in his ear. He nodded his head and we both got up, still holding hands, and moved into his room.
Once he closed the door I pushed him against it and started to kiss his neck. He moaned loudly. I smirked and started to take off his shirt and kiss down his stomach.
“God I missed that. I missed you.”
“Me too,” he said and tugged on my hair.
I moved back up and kissed his lips again. I grabbed his legs and wrapped them around my waist to carry him on the bed. I laid him down gently and we continued to make out.
I kissed down his stomach again, but Carl stopped me and grabbed my face to make me look up at him.
“I love you, Ron Anderson.”
I smiled and moved up to him and kissed him slowly, “I love you more Carl Grimes.” We both smiled at each other and kissed each other again.
I took off my shirt, and Carl did what he always used to do. He put his nails on my back and was scratching down. I moaned, because fuck, I loved it when he did that.
I started to grind down against him and he bucked his hip up against me and push his nails harder into my back. We were both breathing into each other mouths groaning. I tugged his hair a little bit and he made a high pitched noise. I smirked and decided to make large amounts of hickeys on his neck to make up for the time.
As I was on my third one the door opened, “Okay so you can come down now I- Oh my god! ” Enid shouted and slammed the door closed. Carl and I both moved apart quickly and trying to catch our breath.
“I'm sorry again! The attack is over, you guys can come down now, but I'll tell them you got caught up in something.”
We heard her walk away and both of us starting to laugh awkwardly.
He looked back up at me and smiled brightly. “Hey,” he said and motioned his finger for me to come over to him.
I smiled and walked over to him, pulling him on my lap and wrapping his legs around my waist.
“I missed you,” he said in my ear and we kissed slowly this time. We didn’t want to waste a moment of each other.