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The ground was dry and swollen, every step felt heavy and venomus. The paths he crossed stopped growing greens and casually withered under his hard touch. The whole island felt like his world and it was small, too small, swallowing him whole. The sunset looked oddly beautiful today, it felt warm and safe. Nothing felt like that in a long time. The colors, however, were way too familiar. That hue of orange, burning into his eyes and soul. Making warmth wash over him, that peacefulness, too familiar. He sat on the cliff, right above the rocks in the ocean.
“Maybe today.”
Jake whispered to himself. Today was perfect, he finally felt something, something he haven't in a long time. And he missed it dearly. Was it his fault, he still didn't know, but it probably was. He didn't just lose a boyfriend, he lost his best friend. He lost Dirk.
Remembering it hurt like a dagger in his heart, but it was hard not to remember when everything he did reminded him of his first love. Why did Dirk leave him? He never knew.
Today.
Jake closed his eyes, he knew it was the time he has been waiting for, but before anything he felt like he wasnt alone.
Someone was with him, and he already knew who.
“Jake, don't.”
The sound of his voice was too phantom to be real, but it was there. It lingered in the air for the brief moment before he spoke again.
“Don't loathe yourself over this, Jake.”
“You don't have any right to say that to me.”
“I know. I fucked up big time, didn't I?"
A hollow laugh followed. Is that all he had to say? After everything, he had the /audacity/ to say just that?
“I wasn't the greatest friend nor partner, I'll admit.”
He said as he sat down, next to Jake, watching the sunset as well, dark kamina shades covering his eyes and any emotion he might show. It incredibly pissed Jake off.
“Tell me something I don't know, duche.”
“You left me, like I meant nothing at all. You have the balls coming here and even talking to me after everything.”
The words came out fastly but not loud. It was but a hollow whisper, buried pains he carried in his heart.
“And I'm sorry for that, Jake. I really am.”
His voice was still but a phantom to Jake, Dirk's apology felt so monochrome, so fake. But it hit him deep, however.
A pit in his stomach that he knew all too well, opened again and it didnt feel good at all. He felt like he was suffocating, and before he knew it tears started falling from his eyes.
“Why are you here, Dirk?”
“Why cant you just leave me alone?”
The air mightve shifted or maybe it was just a summer breeze, he wasnt sure. But Dirk was now looking at him, and he felt as if his body was burning under the gaze. He wanted it to stop, he wanted it all to stop once and for all.
“Jake... I'm really sorry.”
“Yes, I've hurt you, and I have no excuse for it.”
He stopped talking before he turned his head back to watch the sunset that was slowly slipping away.
Today?
“Then why are you here!”
It wasnt a question, and so Dirk didnt answer it.
“However, Jake, there is something I must tell you. But I have to wait until the sun sets.”
And that was probably the last straw.
Today /had/ to be the day. It felt perfect, as perfect as it could be.
“Okay. But once you say it, please get lost.”
“I can't bear your presence.”
And Dirk just nodded.
They sat in silence, watching the sun set slowly, feeling like it was leaving for forever. And once it was fully gone, the two of them were left in the dark over some faint moon light. The silence felt too loud.
“So are you going to say it?”
Jake spoke in small, defeated voice.
Today's not the day.
With a heavy sigh, Dirk left a piece of paper next to Jake.
“I'm sorry.”
A faint whisper, sounding so fake.
“I am truly sorry, Jake. I love you.”
And with the next breeze, Dirk disappeared, as if he was never there.
In frustration, Jake threw the paper off of a cliff, not reading it. He never did.
Not today.
Not ever.
Maybe next time, he will be real.