Work Text:
Kili loved trees. Ever since his legs were strong enough to support his small figure, he would run around the house and in the forest, collecting fallen leaves and branches. A few years later, he climbed his first tree.
This was also the first time in his life he was scared. He was sitting on one of the lower branches of an apple tree and he realised he couldn’t get down. After almost one hour of growing more and more nervous, he was finally saved.
,,What are you doing up there? I’ve been looking for you!” Fili appeared out of nowhere.
,,Oh, Fili!” gasped the younger brother, relieved. ,,I...um, I can’t...get down...” his voice shook.
His brother grinned, clearly amused. ,,What a poor squirrel you are.” But as he was saying that, he started climbing up the tree to help his brother.
Soon, they were both safely on the ground. Kili hugged the elder, barely tall enough to hold Fili around the waist. ,,Thank you, Fee...”
,,You know, if you want to climb a tree, you must first know how to get back down, Kee,” said Fili softly. He laughed and ruffled Kili’s dark hair as his brother nodded frantically.
,,Now, let’s go home!” Fili took his brother’s small hand in his own.
,,Yes, Fee...Oh, wait, wait! I forgot the leaves I found up there!” he suddenly remembered and he grabbed the lowest branch of the tree, pulling himself up. But Fili grabbed him by his legs.
,,You stay down, I go there for those very important leaves.” He poked the younger brother in the shoulder. Not even a minute passed and he was back, handing a few yellow leaves to other.
Kili squeezed him again. ,,You are the best, Fili!”
---
Kili’s love for trees had not diminished over the years, more on the contrary. As his body grew stronger, he became better and better in climbing until he was able to get on the top of the tallest trees in just a matter of seconds. He spent a lot of his time up there, sitting and thinking. Sometimes, he would simply go to the forest and spend two or three days mostly in the treetops, observing the world around him and contemplating.
Once, Fili asked to go with him. Kili agreed and if his brother’s request surprised him, he said nothing about it. Those two days spent exclusively in Kili’s company made him realise again how different his brother was. He always knew that Kili was unlike any other dwarf he’d ever met. The others most likely felt it too – Kili never had any friends. Sometimes, they called him freak, sometimes even worse. And Fili would always go and make them regret it. His brother didn’t know. Yet Kili did scarcely care about what anybody thought of him.
He has a world on his own, Fili realised, sitting next to his brother on a branch of a tall oak. The branch was wide enough and even though they were high above the earth, it felt surprisingly natural. But Fili guessed it was mostly due to Kili’s presence. If his younger brother felt secure here, so would he.
Fili turned to his brother and smiled softly. Kili was gazing up at the stars, his head tilted slightly to the left.
,,What are you thinking about?” Fili couldn’t resist and he broke the silence that has been between them since the sun had settled down.
Kili glanced at him shortly before his eyes returned to the stars. ,,Hm...I was just thinking about them...the stars, I mean. How beautiful they are. I feel like they are so close...and so far away at the same time. Just like the trees...they do not care about the world beneath them, dwarves, humans, dragons, anything. They just are...and nothing can change them, nobody. A star stays in the same constellation and a tree stays where his roots are. They belong to one place only...stable and steady.”
Fili thought about it for a moment before letting out jokingly: ,,I am pretty sure I’ve heard stories about strange forests where the trees don’t stand still...it is said they can walk and even talk...”
Kili’s only reaction was a small nod and his eyes didn’t leave the clear night sky above him. Silence fell on them again.
After some time – it could have been one minute or half of the night, Fili couldn’t tell – the silence was broken again. ,,So...is this what you would like? Stability? Staying somewhere and belonging there?” Fili’s voice shook slightly as he turned to his brother. Fili knew exactly that this was what he was longing for...a home, a place where he would belong and feel safe. But he was lost in his younger brother, he had no idea about what might occupy Kili’s mind.
For a moment, he feared he did the wrong thing, he should have kept his mouth shut, he thought. But then, Kili’s eyes found him. He said nothing, yet the elder felt overwhelmed. Looking into his brother’s eyes, Fili understood.
---
After their mother has died, Kili disappeared for five days. Five days that felt like eternity to Fili. Five days that Fili spent walking restlessly through the forest, looking up at every single branch. Five days filled with grief and fear for the younger.
When Fili couldn’t walk anymore, he stumbled and collapsed onto the ground. Tears fell from his eyes as he fisted the leaves and the dirt on the ground. His whole body was shaking and he could barely breathe. The dwarf raised his hands, fingers gripping at his hair and pulling it hard as he tried to stop himself from thinking the worst. Curled up on the ground, he let out a broken cry.
Trying to fight his own thoughts, he didn’t even notice that he was not alone. Only after he’d felt a hand gripping his shoulder tightly he let out a gasp. He turned around to face the other and there he saw Kili, eyes wide with fear. The next moment, Fili was up, feeling his knees go weak and he was sure to find himself on the ground again. But instead, his body told him to move.
Without any thoughts, Fili raised his fist and he hit his brother right into the face.
The impact sent Kili backwards and he fell to the ground. With a look of shock in his eyes, he gathered himself up, turned around and he climbed the nearest tree as quick as possible.
Suddenly, Fili felt terrified and disgusted by himself. His brother...brother...was alive and he just hurt him. Again, Fili’s body moved without any kind of consent. Despite the ache in his muscles, he lifted himself up to the lower branch. He looked up and he saw Kili quite far above him. Fili felt his heart grow heavy in his chest as he climbed higher. When he was at the same level as his brother, he called out: ,,Kili? Can I...?”
Kili glanced at him and didn’t object as Fili approached. The elder was focusing on the climbing and it was not until he was sitting next to Kili that he realised the younger’s face was half-covered with blood.
,,Oh, Kili...I am so sorry, I-I didn’t mean to, I have no idea what I was doing, I just...sorry...please, please.” Fili accompanied his feverish words by grabbing Kili’s hand and squeezing it hard.
,,It doesn’t matter,” said Kili quietly, his eyes fixed on the ground below.
,,But it does, I shouldn’t have-“
,,IT-DOES-NOT-MATTER!” Kili suddenly raised his voice and looked at Fili. His whole body was shaking and his face was blank, except for the eyes – they were wide open and filled with sorrow and dread.
,,Kee...” Fili started, but he found himself at a loss of words. He hated to see his brother hurt more than anything else in the world. And knowing he was the one to hurt Kili made him sick. Fili wanted to beg for forgiveness, he wanted to cry and plead and scream...but he knew that it would hurt Kili even more.
He reached out and gently wiped the blood from his brother’s pale face. Whispering soft soothing words, he put an arm around Kili and planted a tender kiss into the mess of dark hair.
It was the most natural thing in his whole life and as he felt his brother breathing steadily against his body, the world around them seemed to stop.
---
They were too young to live alone and their uncle decided they would move into his house. The building itself was very ordinary and...small enough. Fili and Kili were to share a bedroom until, as Thorin said, they would find a better solution. Fili didn’t mind this arrangement – he thought it his duty to keep an eye on the younger. Kili was content with the situation as well, his brother’s presence made him feel relaxed.
The dark-haired dwarf didn’t cease to spend most of his time outside. He usually practiced in the training yard – amongst the few young dwarves there he had no rival in the field of archery. Fili was proud of him and didn’t let anyone object about the unusual weapon of choice of his younger brother.
They grew onto a routine of spending late afternoons together in front of Thorin’s house. Kili would climb the old walnut growing there and Fili would sit on the ground, resting his back against the tree. They both enjoyed peaceful moments of the sunset, knowing those times wouldn’t last together.
Thorin spoke more and more of his lost home, he was meeting other dwarves and, as brothers guessed, planning the return to Erebor.
Thorin was in his house as often as not and the night the storm came, he was gone to a nearby village. The brothers were in their bedroom, sitting by the fire, listening to the raging wind, rain and hailstorm.
Suddenly there was a sound outside, loud and abrupt. They both rushed to the widow to see what happened. In front of the house, the tree was standing no more – it was broken by the harsh wind.
Fili looked at his brother. Kili’s face, as always, didn’t show any sign of emotion whatsoever, but Fili knew him well and could see that his brother was not well.
He put an arm on Kili’s shoulder, pulling him closer in a tight embrace. Kili didn’t protest and after a few moments, he clutched Fili firmly with his arms around his waist. Fili stroked the dark hair and at that, Kili let out a sigh. Kili turned his head slightly and Fili could feel his brother’s warm breath on his neck. It sent shivers down his spine and his heart set in a frantic beat. He was sure his brother could feel it, he must have felt it, he thought. But if anything, Kili seemed to like that reaction because he leaned even closer. Fili could not be happier about his heart betraying him.
---
Days passed and as there was no more tree to climb near the house, Kili spent a lot of time in the forest. Often enough, Fili followed him, but Thorin was giving him more and more responsibility and he couldn’t spend as much time with the younger as he would like.
Every spare minute, Kili was on his mind. His eyes, his very rare smiles and his even rarer soft laughter, his captivating speech...Fili couldn’t think of much else. He wasn’t sure how to deal with it, but somehow, he managed it – and hard work quite helped his concentration.
Fili’s skilful hands created many beautiful things. Ornate buckles, small toys – everything he made he sold in the market. Everything except one of his crafts.
The day after the storm, when Kili was away, he went to the fallen tree and he chose the best and strongest branch. He cut it and secretly, he made a bow and arrows to go with it. The day he finally finished his work, he went to the forest, looking for Kili.
Over the time, Fili learned where to look for his brother. There still were times when he wasn’t able to find the younger, but he knew his favourite places. And Kili didn’t usually go far or hide himself high up in the treetops – he knew his brother might be looking for him.
It was evening when Fili found his brother. The younger had – of course, Fili thought – seen him much sooner. Fili approached and chuckled light-heartedly at the sight of his brother hanging upside down from the lowest branch.
,,What a nimble squirrel you are.” Fili let out a laugh and he raised a hand to mess up Kili’s wild dark hair. ,,A squirrel with messy hair thought,” he added jokingly as his brother raised an eyebrow. ,,Come down here, I will help you with that mane of yours...”
In a second, Kili was on the ground, his movements swift and elegant. The brothers sat down and Fili started to untangle the younger’s long hair. They sat in silence for a while.
,,I remember it, you know? The first time you called me a squirrel...I was so glad you found me back then...and saved me.”
Fili was sitting behind his brother and he couldn’t see his face, yet he was sure he heard a hint of laughter in Kili’s words. He leaned closer, fingers in Kili’s hair, and whispered: ,,Of course I saved you. You are my brother and whatever you need...”
Kili nodded and let Fili finish fixing his hair silently.
,,I made you something.” Fili said, unwillingly pulling his fingers out of Kili’s hair. He reached out and handed Kili the bow wrapped in a piece of grey cloth. Kili loosened the cloth and studied each detail of the weapon. His fingers delicately traced each carving in the wood.
Turning to the elder, Kili remarked: ,,You made it out of that walnut.”
It was no question, but Fili nodded as he studied Kili’s face. He saw the thankful look in Kili’s eyes and the curve of Kili’s soft lips and he needed no more words to know his brother was happy, truly happy.
Fili half-embraced his brother, pressing their foreheads together. He enjoyed the simple and pure happiness they were sharing. But then, he felt Kili’s sweet breath blending with his own and another feeling emerged deep in him. His heart beating fast, he could not concentrate on anything but his brother who was so close, oh so close to him. Fili couldn’t resist. He moved forward and kissed the soft lips.
The kiss lasted only the briefest moment. Fili pulled away, terrified of what he had done and what might his brother think. He opened his eyes and looked into Kili’s face. He did not understand what he saw. There was confusion but there was also that happiness and thankfulness, just as moments ago. Fili breathed in, desperately searching for something, anything to say. If before his heart was beating as mad, now it has stopped completely.
He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate and suddenly, he felt those lips on his own again. His brother was kissing him. It was impossible, yet it had to be true, because he could never imagine something that perfect.
He felt Kili’s hand on his neck and it was as if he suddenly woke up. With his arms, he pulled his brother closer until they were chest to chest. The kiss deepened and the passion and flame they shared was almost unbearable. Nothing has ever felt more right to Fili.
---
Both brothers knew that the day would come and they were not surprised when Thorin came and told them about his plans of reclaiming the lost kingdom. Fili and Kili were still very young, but they knew what was expected of them and they respected their duty.
They spent their last night in Thorin’s house, knowing they were never to return again – whether they succeed or fail. That night was filled with passion, love and many spoken and unspoken promises. Kili and Fili both knew their lives would change soon, never to be same again. But they were not afraid – they had each other and that was all that mattered.
---
Life on the road was not an easy one and the company ran into many dangerous situations. But they survived all the dangers – orcs and spiders and Misty Mountains and Mirkwood and much more. They were chased, taken captive, hurt, desperate...they got lost in the dark forest where even Kili would refuse to climb on the trees – what he frequently did throughout the whole journey, especially when it was his turn to keep the watch. He would sit there, almost invisible, with his bow and his thoughts only.
Fili often observed his brother, recalling safer moments from the past and he hoped he would live many more of them in the future. But for now, their future was the Mountain, and it became closer and closer with every step. Esgaroth was now behind them and they all felt their journey is coming to an end.
When they finally reached the Mountain, the dragon was nowhere to be seen, which everyone took as a good sign. They made a safe camp and Fili and Kili were sent to explore the surroundings. The brothers climbed almost at the top of the Mountain, where they found a watchtower. The structure was destroyed and it was to no use anymore. But Kili’s attention was directed on a tree near the abrupt edge of the Mountain.
He approached the crooked tree and sat down, pulling his brother with him. Then he spoke, his voice barely more than a whisper: ,,In Laketown, I’ve heard stories from the south...they say there is a city in Gondor where a white tree of the kings grows. Do you think Erebor has such tree?”
,,I believe it doesn’t...yet. When we reclaim the kingdom, we can make it happen.” Fili said and placed a light kiss on Kili’s cheek.
,,I like this tree...do you think it could become the tree of Erebor...if...if we win the kingdom back?” Kili asked in soft voice.
,,If? My dearest brother, don’t you believe in our success?” Fili cupped Kili’s face with his hands as his blue eyes met the brown ones.
,,I have hope...but no one knows what will happen. I only can believe and do my best to protect everyone...” and especially you, Fili knew that was what his brother truly meant. Fili kissed Kili gently, holding him close until they heard another dwarf coming to call them back to the camp.
---
The battle came, harsh and cruel. The dragon was dead, but the dwarves had to fight to protect themselves against other enemies. It was Thorin who lead the dwarves to the battle, strong and proud in his armour taken from the Erebor’s treasure. With his every blow, another enemy fell dead to the blood-soaked ground.
But it seemed as though with every fallen enemy, two new arose. Thorin’s movements became less swift and weaker.
Out of nowhere, an arrow appeared and hit Thorin just above the edge of his breastplate. Kili saw it and he immediately sent an arrow back, killing the orc who injured his uncle. He rushed to Thorin but he was too far. The arrow Kili shot at the giant orc didn’t stop the creature from stabbing Thorin with his monstrous rusty sword.
The young dwarf stumbled through the fight until he found his uncle lying on the ground, surrounded by countless bodies of the enemies he had killed. Kili kneeled beside him, inspecting the wounds on his body. His eyes filled with tears as he grabbed Thorin’s hand. He looked into the pale face, whispering: ,,Uncle, please...”
But Thorin’s eyes closed and last breath left his lips. The King under the Mountain was dead.
Kili kissed Thorin’s pale and warm forehead and then he stood up, teary-eyed but determined to protect his uncle until his own death.
He thought of Thorin and Fili as he resisted the orcs’ attacks, he thought of his uncle and his brother...and suddenly, Fili was here, by his side, fighting with him. The sight of his brother brought new power into his weary heart and he didn’t fear anymore. His brother was with him.
Fili saw Thorin’s body lying on the ground and he felt his strength fleeing away from his body. But then he saw his brother fighting and ferociously defending their uncle. He joined him, ready to die protecting them both.
Then the time slowed down. Fili could feel the orc’s morning star hitting his chest and breaking most of his ribs. But the true pain was causes by what he saw. He saw Kili and he saw the creature behind him, but he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t scream, he couldn’t warn him. He saw the orc lifting his axe and he saw Kili when the weapon hit his back. He saw Kili falling on the ground, he saw his pale face as he grabbed him and he saw Kili’s still beautiful eyes and Kili’s lips pronouncing a voiceless I love you, brother and he saw his brother dying.
And then, he saw nothing more.
---
They won the battle, they defeated the enemy, but to Fili it felt like they lost everything. When he woke up, the fight was over. His shattered chest made it incredibly painful to breathe, but it wasn’t until he remembered everything that breathing became a true agony.
It didn’t matter whether his eyes were open or closed, he could only see their faces. Their faces and their bodies, dead because of his failure. He wanted to kill, to die, to return the time and to able to save them. He pleaded, cried, screamed and begged...and nothing changed.
Slowly, a realisation came into his mind. He was the king now. He could feel it in his chest, the duty he had now, the incredibly hard burden on his shoulders, but somehow, it gave him the strength he needed.
He would do what he was supposed to, he would do it for them.
They buried Thorin deep inside the Mountain where he belonged. But Fili knew it was not a place for Kili. He told them his brother would be buried on the top of the Mountain under the lonely tree and nobody opposed – he was the King now.
Days passed, then weeks and months. Erebor was coming back to life. Yet every single day, Fili would climb to the top of the Mountain to be with his brother.
One night, almost a year after the battle that changed everything, Fili climbed the Mountain as he did usually. But he immediately saw everything was different now.
The crooked tree was covered in white flowers. And beneath it, just where Kili lied, there was a sprout. It was no bigger than Fili’s hand, yet he could clearly see it was as white as snow.
He caressed it tenderly as one solitary teardrop ran down his cheek and fell to the soft ground.
And Fili smiled, because he felt the hope growing slowly in the world beneath the white tree.