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Jeongin hates them.
Right now, he hates them with every fiber of his being. No kidding. He can’t even look them in the eye without feeling his teeth grind under the pressure he’s putting on his jaws, can’t even take a step in their direction without scratching his palm with his nails, his fists clenched so tightly, ready to strike.
Or maybe he just really needs to go to the bathroom, but all the stalls are taken, and there’s no way he’s going to use one of the two pathetic urinals in the high school’s wonderful unisex bathrooms. Oh, and they’re located right next to the windows—they’re on the ground floor.
So Jeongin may be so tense that he’ll pull a muscle sooner or later, but in the current situation there doesn’t seem to be any correlation between that and his unbearable hyungs.
Those damn hyungs and their stupid dares.
Those fucking hyungs and their FREE HUGS sign.
“How did we get here?” you’re probably wondering. Well, not Jeongin, because even though he’s beside himself and pretty desperate, he knows how things happened and just remembers them, helplessly, in moments of solitude, cursing his youthful mistakes and Han Jisung.
To establish some context, it’s Tuesday, a typical spring Tuesday. It’s 2 p.m. and, by a welcome coincidence, neither Jeongin nor his friends have classes, and the library is open, so they rush there—already, things are off to a bad start.
Jisung and Felix race from one end of the B Building to the other, a corridor about thirty meters long, which results in a loud noise when they collide with the door and nervous laughter that they are still struggling to suppress when Hyunjin and Jeongin catch up with them, walking like normal people.
They finally open the door and are stared at curiously by the librarian—given Hyunjin and Jeongin’s calm demeanor, she must not have made the connection between the noise and them, and Jisung and Felix are quick to regain their composure.
There aren’t many people around at this hour, as most of the school is in class, so it’s easy for them to find a table with four chairs and sit down noisily.
“Good night, Sungie!” Felix exclaims as Jisung buries his head in his arms. Jisung mumbles something unintelligible.
Jeongin takes out his pencil case and organizer; he has biology homework to do. Hyunjin takes off his jacket and browses the shelves, probably looking for a new poetry collection. Felix takes out his phone and starts playing a game—Jeongin knows this because he forgot to turn off the sound, and the music blares throughout the room before he hurriedly presses the side of his phone, his eyes wide and his ears red.
“Sorry,” he whispers sheepishly under the librarian’s angry gaze. Everything you shouldn’t do. In fact, Felix is lucky that it’s her and not her male counterpart; he’s old and bitter, and the slightest phone taken out in the sacred confines of the library is grounds for expulsion for the day. And Jeongin would like to avoid that as much as possible. He may be the only one at their table who is really working, but he can’t think of anywhere else to do it. The library is certainly the quietest place in the school, after all.
He taps the end of his pen, where he has put the cap, against his lips, something he does absentmindedly rather than chewing on it, and lets his gaze wander around the room. It was redesigned during the vacation between first and second year; fewer shelves, more tables. It’s strange, but Jeongin doesn’t feel like the number of books has decreased.
Three girls are laughing at a table in the back, notebooks open in front of them and highlighters out, but from where Jeongin is sitting, he can see the phone they are gathered around, exchanging amused glances before settling back into their seats.
Near the philosophy section, by the window, is another person, headphones on and a concentrated expression behind their black-rimmed glasses, and right in front of them—Kim Seungmin.
He too seems absorbed in the book he is holding, judging by the highlighters lined up next to his pencil case and the blue Bristol cards Jeongin can see from where he is sitting.
Kim Seungmin is... a special case in Yang Jeongin’s life.
He is also in second year, and even in his sociology class. They run into each other quite often at school, but have never exchanged more than a greeting. Jeongin knows that he talks to Hyunjin, since they are in literature class together, and to Felix, since the three of them are in sociology class together and Felix is friends with half the school anyway.
And it may be that, despite their non-existent friendship and everything that goes with it, Jeongin isn’t entirely disinterested in Seungmin. Something he doesn’t really understand, for that matter. It just happened that way; Seungmin is handsome and funny in a completely unique way, and it makes Jeongin all weird, so he doesn’t know how to respond and ends up pining like an idiot. Things happen.
Jeongin’s gaze returns to his table, and damn, Jisung seems to have finished his nap and is staring at him with his round eyes. He raises one eyebrow, but since he’s terrible at it, he ends up raising both eyebrows, and Jeongin knows he’s not going to leave him alone.
Just as Jisung turns to Felix to get his attention, Hyunjin comes back to sit down with a collection of Prévert’s poems in his hands.
“Truth or dare, rematch!” the smallest one exclaims, gesturing wildly with his hands. Felix snorts without taking his eyes off his screen, and Hyunjin runs a hand over his face.
“We’re not ten anymore, seriously,” he whines. Jeongin nods.
“Remember that the person you owe the Tissue Incident to is right there on your left,” Jisung insists, and Jeongin knows he’s screwed. What can he say in his defense?
The Tissue Incident, in short, is the bet he made with Hyunjin a month ago to give the first thing he found in his pocket to the first person he ran into in the hallway, while pretending it was something infinitely precious. Infinitely humiliating, above all, and Jeongin himself doesn’t know where he got such an idea. Hyunjin, being the drama queen that he is, held it against him for the rest of the day and threatened revenge, without really having the opportunity to do so for the moment. Until now, it seems, judging by the look he exchanges with Jisung.
“Sold,” he exclaims, crushing his palm against Jisung’s in a fierce handshake, and he’s the one who’s sold, really. Jeongin is a little scared, to tell you the truth.
“So, shall we play?” Felix asks, who has dropped his phone and is jumping up and down on the spot.
“Don’t you want to wait until I’ve finished my homework?” Jeongin suggests. He sinks back into his chair, sulking. Not that biology is particularly exciting today, but if he can delay the inevitable…
“You haven’t even started!” Jisung points out, annoying as usual. “It’s the perfect time to play!”
Jeongin sighs but realizes he doesn’t have the strength to fight it—fine.
“You first, Lixie, truth or dare?” Jisung decides, turning to his neighbor. Felix pretends to think.
“Hmm, truth!”
“Okay! So…”
“No, wait!” Hyunjin exclaims, his hands raised in front of him. He looks serious and profound:
“What happened with Changbin-hyung after we left on Saturday?”
“OH MY GOd, you’re RIGHT!” Jisung exclaims, putting his fist to his mouth, much too loudly for the CDI. His wide eyes nervously scan the room as he realizes how forcefully the words came out.
Jeongin remembers; as usual, they spent their Saturday afternoon at one of their friends’ houses, in this case Changbin’s, but when it was time to leave, only Felix stayed behind with him, and there was no way to get him to spill the rest, even though he was the first to gossip with Hyunjin. Without realizing it, Jeongin smiles and gets caught up in the game—he loves gossip, sue him.
Felix avoids their gaze, hiding his face in his hands, his smile so wide that his freckled cheeks rise up to his eyes—all little gestures that only excite his audience. Jeongin can feel Jisung’s leg shaking under the table even though they’re not even touching, Hyunjin has licked his lips more times in the last thirty seconds than he has since the beginning of the day, and Jeongin himself can’t help but giggle, mockingly repeating Jisung’s encouragement.
“Come on, come on, Lixie! Tell us everything!”
With a sigh, Felix finally drops his attitude and straightens his back.
“So, you know we were stuck on the fact that he’s been pretty ambiguous with me, so even though there are signs, we’re not really sure if he’s interested in me.” He stops there, glances around the table. The audience nods.
“On Saturday, I think I got the answer.” Shocked gasps. Everyone holds their breath.
“To put it in context, we were in the living room, we had come back to sit down after everyone else had left because we didn’t really know what else to do. All the food we'd taken out was still on the table, so he took another piece of cake, I took one too, and we ate. Except that then, I don't know how he did it—well, when I finished eating, I looked up and saw that he had a crumb on the corner of his mouth.”
“No!” Hyunjin squealed, pressing both hands against his lips, seeing exactly where Felix was going with this.
“Yes!” Felix exclaimed, as if he couldn’t believe it himself.
“You kissed him to remove the crumb?!” Jisung realizes, his eyebrows raised so high on his forehead that they disappear under his hair.
“Really?” Jeongin asks, overcome by panic and general euphoria, before noticing Felix’s expression, which is half dismayed, half amused.
“No, of course not,” he corrects fondly, shaking his head. “I’m willing to take initiatives, but that’s beyond my capabilities. I just removed the crumb with my thumb, then ate it.”
Jisung wrinkles his nose. “But how do you know he’s interested in you, then?”
“Oh, well, he blushed and mumbled. I figured if he didn’t like it, he would have been more... aggressive in his reaction, right? Or at least clearly not as affected,” Felix replied simply.
“He’s right,” Hyunjin commented, glancing at Jisung, who still didn't look entirely convinced.
“Okay,” he finally says with a shrug. “That’s cool for you, Lixie!” he smiles, pulling his sunshine twin into his arms. They hug for a moment, then Jisung turns to Hyunjin, a mischievous gleam in his eye.
“Your turn, Hyunjin-ssi. Truth or dare?”
Hyunjin let out a heartbreaking sigh. “Dare.” He throws his head back and closes his eyes, as if Han Jisung were nothing more than a painful hallucination. Jeongin understands.
“Okay, so you go to the window, open it, and shout, ‘Free me! Help! I can’t get out!!’” Felix sniffs loudly, Jeongin giggles.
“We’re on the ground floor,” he notes, laughing even harder at Hyunjin’s increasingly dejected expression.
“Exactly,” the evil genius, Han Jisung, smiles, still curled up against Felix, his left cheek pressed against his shoulder. “Come on, Prince Hyunjin. Move your royal butt.”
Hyunjin grumbles but pushes back his chair, ready to get up, without even a second thought about how stupid the idea really is, or why he’s going along. He jumps when he looks up and comes face to face with the librarian, standing with her arms crossed in front of their table.
“I am going to have to ask you to leave, gentlemen. We have been hearing nothing but you for at least twenty minutes. What’s more, the library is a place for work, not play.” She glares at them icily over her glasses, challenging them to question her authority, and only backs down when they begin to pack up their things, exchanging sheepish glances under their bangs.
Jisung’s cheeks are red and his eyes are wider than marbles, Felix looks unperturbed, the surprise quickly fading from his face, Hyunjin alternates between biting his lower lip and running his tongue over it, and Jeongin lets his gaze wander to the back of the room.
Kim Seungmin is watching them, his expression indecipherable, and when their eyes meet, Jeongin jumps and quickly turns his head away. Hardly suspicious. He finishes closing his bag and joins the walk of shame to the exit of the library.
Felix apologizes with a bow as he passes the desk where the librarian has settled back in, Hyunjin timidly asks if he can borrow a book, and she grants him permission with a sigh. Kindly, the other three wait by his side.
When they finally leave the library, Jisung lets out a huge sigh.
“Wow, bad idea,” he concludes.
“I told you so,” Jeongin adds, hoisting his bag onto his shoulder.
“At least I hope you’re not blacklisted, seeing as you’re always at the library.”
Jeongin shrugs. Probably not, but whatever. The others exchange glances, then Felix sprints down the hallway.
“THE LAST ONE TO THE CAFETERIA HAS A DARE!” he shouts over his shoulder. Immediately, Jisung and Hyunjin are hot on his heels. See, Jisung isn’t stupid. He suggests Truth or Dare, then declares himself the master of the game and stops it before he could take his turn. Hyunjin, on the other hand, hasn’t even completed his latest dare yet.
Jeongin trots behind them, somewhat resigned. It has to fall on someone anyway.
It is in this mind that he steps into the cafeteria, located at the end of the building, a few moments after the others. Contrary to its name, very little coffee is served in the cafeteria. In fact, almost nothing is served there because if you want to eat, you go to the dining hall or down to 7-Eleven, and it’s just a kind of meeting room with mismatched tables and chairs, a piano, boxes of DVDs in a wooden crate, and a counter to make it look nice. The whole place serves as headquarters for the MDL*, and is therefore run by high school students.
[*Maison des Lycéens, literally translated House of High Schoolers. I don’t know if there is an equivalent in others countries but we have this thing in France and I’ve never really understood its purpose, unfortunately.]
Jisung is leaning on the counter, making eyes at Minho on the other side, while Hyunjin and Felix have already settled down on the bench against the wall. Jeongin sighs as he plops down across from them.
“Last one, Jeonginnie!” Felix chuckles, pointing at him. “Your turn for the dare!”
He turns his head to see if Jisung has anything to say, but it turns out he’s too busy putting his tongue in Minho’s mouth to listen to what’s going on right now. Jeongin feels nauseous.
“Jinnie-hyung didn’t even do his,” he notes, sinking into his seat.
“You’re right,” Felix suddenly realizes, staring at his seatmate as if seeing him for the first time. “But wait, you can just do it at recess when everyone’s there. There’s no one in the courtyard at this hour.” He continues to stare at Hyunjin with wide eyes, as if he can’t believe such a good idea could have come out of his head.
Jeongin picks up his phone and refrains from banging his head against the wall when he learns that there are still twenty minutes left before recess, which is plenty of time for his hyungs to give him the worst dare possible. He just wants to disappear.
He never thought he’d say this, but right now he really needs Bang Chan around. There’s no one better than the eldest member of their group, who is usually too reasonable and oh-so-boring, to defend him and remind the others that bullying the maknae is still not legal.
That said, there is no sign of Bang Chan, which is strange because Minho is rarely alone in charge of the cafeteria, and Hyunjin and Felix quickly turn their attention to him.
“Jeonginnie. Your dare,” Hyunjin says, as if it were up to him to come up with it.
“What do we give him?” Felix whispers, sticking close to his side.
Jeongin throws his head back with a grunt. He stares at the ceiling tiles and resolves to think of nothing.
Actually, he’s fine. As things stand, he can’t say he’s to be pitied. He chose to take on the role of the loser himself, and Hyunjin and Felix are too kind to give him nasty dares. At least it’s not Han Jisung.
“…yes, we had a race and he lost, so he has to do a dare,” the person in question whispers, probably to Minho. Minho replies, but Jeongin can’t understand what he’s saying.
“oH!” Jisung shouts, and it doesn’t bode well. “Lixie, wait, Minho-hyung has a brilliant idea! We can take it even further,” and he goes back to whispering in Minho’s mouth.
“About the dare?” Felix asks.
“Yeah!”
There are footsteps, sneakers squeaking against the tile floor, and Minho sits down next to Jeongin, Jisung on his lap.
“As punishment, Jeongin, you’ll have to wear a FREE HUGS sign on your back all day Thursday!” he announces, the sentence falling.
Jeongin growls even louder and raises both hands to his eyes. “Why?”
“Because it’s well known that you love physical contact!” Jisung seems delighted with his idea, and Hyunjin and Felix are very happy that they trusted him, judging by their amused snorts since earlier.
“And why Thursday?” Jeongin whines again. It’s the only day of the week when he starts at 8 a.m. and finishes at 6 p.m.!
“Because tomorrow’s no fun, we only have classes in the morning!” Jisung pouts, and, OK. In his place, Jeongin would probably have had the same thought. Challenging a guy who isn’t at all tactile to spend not half a day but a whole day with the possibility of strangers coming up to hug him at any moment…
“OK,” he says simply, because that sums up his state of mind at the moment. At this point, he acknowledges it’s a dare, it’s made to push the boundaries of his comfort zone. He’ll complain in due course.
With that, Jisung ends the discussion and they move on to something else. There are just over ten minutes left before recess, so Jeongin takes out his organizer and tries to answer his biology questions. When the bell rings, the cafeteria fills with people and Minho returns behind the counter, taking Felix with him. Bang Chan appears beside them and Changbin comes over to greet Jisung.
(“Yo, Jisungie, Yongbokkie,” he says casually.
“Huh?” Jeongin says, his eyes widening.)
Hyunjin is reminded of his duty to fulfill his dare and he goes to the nearest window with a heart-wrenching sigh. Ironically, it is located between a table occupied by a group of girls, several of whom are in his class, and the French window. He complies anyway, and at this point, it would not be surprising if the entire high school thought he was crazy.
In all honesty, after that, Jeongin completely forgot about his own dare, so the landing is rather brutal on Thursday morning when he leans on the cafeteria counter next to Jisung, who is bent over a copy, a black Posca pen in his hand and a ball of wool to his right.
“Good morning, Hannie-hyung,” he greets him innocently, and he begins to have doubts when Jisung gives him a shark-like smile.
The doubt turns to terror when Jisung demands his backpack and proceeds to thread the wool through the holes in the paper, then tie it to the bag’s handle.
“There! Keep that on your back all day and it’ll be perfect!” he exclaims with far too much satisfaction.
And that’s where Jeongin is now, his anger subsided now that he’s relieved himself and washed his hands, his damn bag on his back and his cursed sign (if you can call it that) with him.
It’s 1:30 p.m., lunch break is almost over, and so far, the day has been less than conclusive.
As soon as Felix saw him, he rushed over to give him a hug, then Hyunjin joined in, then Chan, and Minho (who took the opportunity to touch his butt), and even Jisung and Changbin! In the hallways leading to the classrooms, the girls giggle as they glance at him anything but discreetly, the boys smile with pity or condescension, and the teachers and supervisors look at him askance or with amusement.
Apart from Hyunjin and Jisung, who came back several times during the morning to beg for hugs—Jeongin can’t refuse them today, so they’re taking advantage of it—no one really takes the paper seriously. They’re in high school, after all, not somewhere you usually find people with FREE HUGS signs. Still, a third year came to see him, probably at the request of his friends, judging by how they were laughing over his shoulder (a traumatic experience, to say the least), and a group of girls, first or second years, the boldest of whom asked if it was for real or not. Jeongin shrugged, not having anticipated the question, and mortified, found himself offering the hug, which the young woman and one of her friends accepted, one after the other. Jisung didn’t want to let him go after that, but luckily recess was coming to an end and he left for math class, grumbling.
With the little hindsight he now has, Jeongin realizes that it wasn’t that bad and that half the day is already over. He still has a little less than half an hour of break time left, two hours of class, one recess, two more hours, and then it will be over.
He forces himself not to scream when Hyunjin, who is waiting for him in front of the restroom, ambushes him in an octopus-like embrace.
Only four hours left.
The lunch break ends without incident, the boys hiding behind the cafeteria counter for lack of space elsewhere in the room, their seats stolen by a group of third years, playing on their cell phones. Hyunjin and Felix have literature class in the same building, but Jeongin and Jisung have to go to science class on the other side of the courtyard, so they part ways at the stairs.
Jeongin likes practical class; the teachers let them form groups and chat during the exercises. However, as has been the case since the beginning of the year, his partner is Jisung, which means that he spends two hours stopping him from licking prehistoric rocks and, when they go up to chemistry class, telling him not to drink the lime water.
“Why do you have this visceral need to put everything you can in your mouth?” he asks exasperatedly, holding the rack full of test tubes out of reach. Jisung looks at him with a big smile, and Jeongin realizes that he probably has no good reason, other than to annoy him. “Actually, no, I don’t want to know.”
When the bell finally rings, he quickly packs up his things, hoists his bag onto his back, readjusts the straps that are mysteriously never comfortable enough while waiting for Jisung to find the sleeve of his jacket, and they head back to the B Building, where they have history to finish the day.
They walk down the stairs and Jisung almost misses a step, busy as he is typing a message on his phone.
“Minho-hyung is on the first floor, he had biology,” he says suddenly. “I’m going to join him, you don’t have to follow me.”
“As if I want to see you two smooching,” Jeongin grimaces.
“Homophobe,” Jisung snorts, and as they reach the first-floor landing, he starts to walk away. “Jeongin is homophobic!” he shouts to no one in particular, drawing a few sideways glances for the scene he’s causing.
Jeongin just grumbles into the collar of his sweatshirt and pulls his hood over his head. Of course he’s not homophobic, he’s gay. But he has better things to do than come out in the biology hallway, so he just gives Jisung the middle finger and runs down the last flight of stairs before leaving the building.
He makes his way along the dining hall, checking his reflection in the window out of the corner of his eye, when he realizes that the FREE HUGS sign is no longer hanging on his back. He stops, takes his bag off one shoulder, and sees that the rings on the copy have indeed torn; all that remains is the wool thread, valiantly clinging to the handle.
With a sigh, Jeongin decides to turn back anyway, to see if the sheet might have fallen somewhere nearby. If not, he’ll ask Jisung to spare him the rest of the day. Or he won’t say anything. Maybe Jisung won’t even notice.
Jeongin hadn’t taken five steps, observing his surroundings, when a person entered his field of vision, the cursed copy in hand.
“Excuse me, isn’t that yours?” a familiar voice asks.
Looking up, Jeongin comes face to face with none other than Kim Seungmin. A Kim Seungmin who looks strange, to say the least, in that his usually well-ironed shirt is slightly wrinkled, his usually carefully styled black hair is tousled, revealing his forehead, and his eyes seem a little red. Has he been crying? Jeongin feels somewhat concerned by this possibility. So much so that he forgets to answer at first, before stammering:
“Uh, yes, it’s—I was just looking for it... Thank you!”
He takes the sheet with both hands and expects Seungmin to let go, but he holds on for a moment, long enough to ask in a whisper so soft and light that Jeongin wonders if he heard correctly:
“May I?”
There’s no way the Kim Seungmin wants Jeongin to give him a hug.
“Uh—yes?” Jeongin finds himself agreeing anyway, because he’s such a soft touch. And, predictable or not, you tell me, the Kim Seungmin lets go of the copy, raises his arms, and takes the two steps that still separate him from Jeongin.
He wraps his arms around Jeongin’s shoulders, burying his chin in the right one. The way he presses against him should feel uncomfortable, but Jeongin just runs his hands over his hips. He’s not tall enough to rest his own chin on Seungmin’s shoulder, so he buries his nose in his sweater instead. He inhales Seungmin’s scent deeply, mainly the smell of his laundry and the slightly strange smell of the outdoors, and melts into the embrace.
Of all the hugs he has received and initiated today, this one easily ranks first. What could possibly surpass a hug from his crush, anyway?
At one point, Seungmin moves even closer and curves his back to hide his face in the crook of his neck, and Jeongin holds his breath for a few seconds. When he starts breathing again, he realizes that it’s Seungmin’s breathing that’s strange; his inhalations are very short, as if jerky, and his exhalations come out shaky, controlled. The realization hits him—Seungmin is crying.
Instinctively, Jeongin tightens his arms around him, his hands meeting at the small of his back in reassuring caresses—at least, that’s the intention, because having never hugged so much in his life as he has today, he’s not sure how to proceed.
It takes another two minutes for Seungmin’s breathing to return to normal, and about thirty seconds before he decides to step back, ending the embrace.
They remain face to face, considerably closer than they were a few moments ago, Seungmin’s hands still on Jeongin’s shoulders and Jeongin’s hands still around Seungmin’s waist. Seungmin’s eyes are definitely red and still moist.
“Thank you,” he says, staring at a point approximately on Jeongin’s collarbone.
“No problem,” he replies, unable to take his eyes off Seungmin’s face. “Anytime.”
“Really?” Seungmin asks, frowning. His eyes move up but still can’t find Jeongin’s. They stop on his lips.
Jeongin suddenly doesn't trust his voice to answer, so he nods. That seems to be enough for Seungmin, as he leans toward him and hugs him a second time, briefly. Then he steps back, plays with the hem of his sleeve, and vaguely points to the building behind him. Jeongin can’t help but notice that his cheeks are slightly pink.
“I have to go, I have chemistry class,” he explains. “But thank you.”
“No problem,” Jeongin repeats, as it’s probably the only thing he knows how to say right now. He forces himself to regain his composure. “Ah, we’ll see each other tomorrow in social studies!”
“Oh, right,” Seungmin realizes, a small smile dancing on his lips. Adorable. “See you tomorrow, Jeongin.”
He begins to walk away with a shy wave of his hand. Jeongin replies instinctively: “See you tomorrow, Seungmin-hyung!”
After thinking about it, he’s not sure if they know each other well enough for him to call him that (probably not, in fact), but judging by the young man’s beaming smile, so big that his braces are visible from here, it was the right answer.
Left alone, with a smile that was much too big on his lips, Jeongin turned the copy over between his fingers, FREE HUGS taunting him in capital letters, and thought that it wasn’t so bad after all, this stupid dare.
(The next day, he runs into Felix and Seungmin in sociology class, and Seungmin explains, somewhat sheepishly, that he was crying because of a bad grade in English. Looking back, he realizes that he may have overreacted and worried Jeongin for nothing, but Jeongin is quick to reassure him. In return, he reveals that he doesn't walk around with FREE HUGS signs for fun and that it was a dare from his idiotic friends. Seungmin laughs, amused, and they exchange Instagram accounts.
From then on, they become inseparable, often leaving the hubbub of the cafeteria for a quiet table at the back of the library, and if they share a first kiss behind the Japanese literature section, it stays between them and Haruki Murakami.)
THE END!