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Never tell Grayson anything ever again.
That’s what Damian is telling himself over and over.
✧ ✧ ✧
“What’s that?” Dick peers over Damian’s shoulder when he sees the little note held in his hand.
Damian yelps in surprise and hides the note in his pocket. “Nothing.”
He had his guard down reading that note in a public room. That was a mistake.
“Ah ah ah. I saw a heart in thereeeee.” Dick hums and reaches into Damian’s pocket to swipe the note when he’s not looking.
He should’ve broken his arm. But unfortunately Father said he can’t attack his siblings anymore.
“Give it back!” he reaches up but Dick holds it up out of his reach as he reads it aloud.
“Hi Dami -” Dick pauses and raises an eyebrow at Damian, who’s burning red now. “You’ve got a nickname now.”
“No. I don’t. Just give it back.”
“No, no, I’m not done.” he clears his throat and puts on a high pitched girl’s voice before continuing.
“ Your project on carbon emissions was really good. Since we have to pick partners for our presentations, do you want to be mine? ”
“Grayson, enough. Give it back !” he snatches the paper back finally.
Dick is just staring at him with a grin.
“Stop it.”
“You’ve got a girlfriend .”
Damian sucks his teeth. “She is not my girlfriend.”
Dick raises an eyebrow. “Do you want her to be?”
Damian pauses. For just a second, but he pauses. “No.”
“You do.”
“I…” his voice falters. “Fine. Yes."
“Ohhh baby’s first crush!” Dick exclaims and squeezes Damian’s face.
“I will stab you.”
Dick raises his hands away and nods. “Fine. Fine.”
Damian huffs and stuffs the note back in his pocket.
“What are you gonna do about it, little bird?” Dick asks, his tone a little gentler and bumps his shoulder with his.
“I- I don’t know. She’s very… I dunno, smiley. I don’t know how to handle it.”
Dick smiles. “What is it with you attracting the happiest people? First Jon, now mystery girl.”
Damian shrugs. “I do not know. She has a birthday coming up. I thought I’d get her a gift but I have no idea what to get her.”
Dick chuckles. “What does she like?”
“Talking. Writing too, she’s always got a journal or something. Uhh apples. Bugs, for some reason. She has an ant farm I think. And animals, she loves animals. She wants to be a vet.” He lists off on his fingers like he's gathering a profile.
“Wow. Sounds like you know a lot about her.”
Damian shrugs.
“Why not get her a good book? It could inspire her writing. Or a new journal. Oh or nice pens. I bet B or Alfred would know where to find some fancy fountain pens.”
“That's… not a bad idea.”
“See? Not so hard.”
✧ ✧ ✧
He should’ve known that that was too easy. It only took two hours before the family groupchat had gotten word.
Dick: Guys be nice to Damian, he’s got girlfriend troubles
Tim: GIRLFRIEND??
Steph: When did this happen?!
Duke: Congrats Damian!
Cass: 😸😸😸👍👍✨🎉
Damian: I do not have a girlfriend.
Dick: Oh right, he just wants one
Jason: Who puts up with you?
Damian: Will you stop saying that, Grayson?
Damian: Oh gee thanks, Todd.
Babs: So how do we help little bird?
Tim: He needs a wingman
Dick: Or wingwoman cause equality
Steph: FAMILY MEETING!!
✧ ✧ ✧
Damian is still pouting in the corner when the “family meeting” begins.
Dick has somehow gotten his hands on a whiteboard and set it up in the living room where the entire family congregates except for Bruce who is out on patrol.
Babs sits on the other side of the board holding a marker. Jason, Cass, and Steph are all sharing popcorn. Tim and Duke are whispering to each other plotting something that Damian is sure he will hate.
“Hear ye! Hear ye!”
Oh god .
“The official ‘how to get our little brother his first girlfriend meeting’ has commenced!” Dick announces triumphantly.
Damian scoffs and crosses his arms. “I hate you all.”
“Aww c’mon. It’s sweet, you’re falling in love.” Steph chimes in.
“I said that I like her. You all are taking this much too far.”
“We just want to help.” Babs replies and Cass nods in agreement.
“I can’t believe even you are participating in this, Todd.”
Jason shrugs. “Eh. Thought it was kinda funny.”
“Alright! Let’s begin!” Dick shouts once again.
For the next few hours, that’s right, hours , they hatched a very elaborate plan for Damian to, in Dick’s words, “woo” this girl.
He wouldn’t have gone along with it if he didn’t know that delaying the stupid plan would only prompt more awful meetings like this one.
✧ ✧ ✧
So here he is. Saturday afternoon. Waiting for his friend to come over for a “study date”.
Tim and Steph took it upon themselves to pick out his outfit– black jeans and a white long sleeve with a graphic tee over it– and style his hair. This of course was after Dick volunteered and Damian outright rejected him.
He’d seen Discowing. Not a fan.
Instead, Dick labeled himself a “ladies man” which Damian also questioned because since when is fumbling beautiful redheads being a ladies man? But he figured it can’t be worse than trying to dress him so he agreed.
Dick’s tips were as follows: talk about things she likes, compliment non-physical things like her laugh, her personality, or her intelligence, physical (but respectful) touch– brush her arm, touch her hair, hold hands if she lets you, and finally, be yourself . It was all a bit standard and cliché but not bad advice so Damian kept it in mind.
Jason and Cass, apparently experts of the senses (whatever that means) carefully picked out cologne, candles, and the proper amount of light in the room so that the atmosphere could seem romantic without it being too dark to work.
Duke, unfortunately, was in charge of music. Which meant he was cuing up his curated playlist of “makeout jams”.
Gross.
Even Alfred joined in on the madness and prepared way too many fancy snacks for them to eat while they studied.
And Barbara, the only sane one, helped him pick out her birthday gifts– fountain pens and an apple shaped journal– and showed him how to wrap neatly.
So now, the plan was set and all he had to do was pray this group of bumbling idiots didn’t totally embarrass him.
The doorbell rings and you’d have thought the President was at the door the way they all sprung into action. It took almost a full minute of shooing to get them all out of the room.
These people are insane. He should’ve stayed an assassin.
He takes a deep breath before opening the front door.
It’s no use. The wind is knocked right out of him when he looks at her face.
God, she’s pretty.
“Hi, Dami.” She greets with that big smile that makes him crazy.
Damian nods before realizing he should probably speak like a normal person. “Oh um yeah, hi. Come in.”
She obliges and steps in, kicking off her shoes and neatly setting them by the front door.
She’s polite, that’s good.
He doesn’t know where they’re all hiding but he’s sure the whole family is watching her every move.
He guided her to the living room and can see the awe on her face at the sight of it. Candles, quiet music, lots of snacks. God, this is probably overboard, isn’t it?
“You have a really nice house.” she mutters.
She’s not freaked out?
“Uh thanks. It’s pretty nice, I guess.”
She sits down on the couch and pulls out her books. “Ready to start?”
He nods and follows her lead.
✧ ✧ ✧
This is so awkward .
It’s been almost half an hour of near silence for them just doing schoolwork. His siblings all made it seem so easy but now he’s face to face with the cute girl from school and all he can talk about is chemistry homework.
He’s not like them. Like Dick or Stephanie or god, even Tim. He doesn’t have the people skills. He’s not built to have people like him, he’s built to have them fear him. But he doesn’t want that anymore. Not this time.
He just really wants her to like him.
This is stupid. This whole setup was stupid. No girl will look his way, not when he’s abrasive and closed off and scary. It’s not what he was made for. All he wants to do is finish this work and send her home so he can cry.
“Is that you? You smell really nice today.”
What.
“Me? Um yeah, it’s a new cologne. My siblings picked it out.”
“Oh yeah?” She glances up with a little smile. “Well it’s really nice.”
Damian nods shyly. “Uh thanks. I’ll wear it more often then.”
She blushes, actually blushes at his comment. Oh my god, is this stupid plan actually working?
“You um… you’ve got a really nice smile you know.” He mutters, trying to sound more suave than he is.
“What?” She squeaks and practically turns pink. “I do not.”
He chuckles a little. “No you do. And your personality, you're so… sunny . So the smile matches that a lot, y’know? I feel like you’re always smiling.”
She looks back down at her paper and shrugs. “Thanks.”
God she’s getting even cuter. How is that possible?
“Um…”
Girls like physical touch…
“Your uh… hair looks nice today too.” He mumbles, so quiet that really only the two of them could make it out. Then he reaches out to gently brush a strand from her forehead.
When she looks up at him with those wide, surprised eyes, his heart basically stops.
They’re so close now.
“Oh! I uh- I have something for you.”
She raises her eyebrows just a little. “You do?”
“Yeah uh, it’s your birthday next weekend, right?” He asks as he reaches behind the couch for the carefully wrapped gift.
“Yeah it is. Did you get me something?”
He can only timidly nod and hand over the gift.
She giggles and starts to peel back the wrapping. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah. But I wanted to.”
She gasps when she pulls back the wrapping to reveal the luxurious fountain pens and the colorful apple print journal.
“Oh wow . Dami, this is-”
“I just wanted to get you a good gift.” He speaks quietly, shy, with eyes carefully watching her reaction. “Do you like it?”
She nods wordlessly for a moment, still staring down at the gift until she finally looks up to meet his expectant gaze.
“I love it. Thank you…”
Suddenly her arms are wrapped around him in a tight hug and he could cry– because he could count the amount of people who hug him like she is on one hand. And she’s so pretty and she smells so good and she’s hugging him like it’s normal.
It is normal.
And he’s hugging her back.
“You’re welcome.”
It goes on for a while. Not long enough, in Damian’s opinion. When they pull back, their arms don’t exactly let go but rather just loosen, still keeping each other close. So close he can count every eyelash she has and watch how they flutter when she looks up at him.
This is the moment. It has to be. Damian starts to lean in when… what the hell is that noise?
The speaker that had been playing mellow, romantic music suddenly plays the opening notes of “Kiss the Girl” from the Little Mermaid.
He is going to kill Duke. Bloody bloody murder.
But then he looks up and she’s laughing.
“Is this from the Little Mermaid?”
He grumbles under his breath and nods. “Yes. It is.”
“Where’d that come from?”
“My soon-to-be dead brother."
She giggles again and the sound makes him relax just a little.
“Sorry about him.”
“No.” She smiles and gingerly touches his cheek. “It’s okay. It’s sorta fitting, right?”
Damian gulps and nods, his brain overheating at her touch.
“A-are you saying I can kiss you?”
She blushes a little, chewing her bottom lip shyly. “If you want to.”
His response is immediate. “I want to.”
She just nods quietly, freeing her lip from the wrath of her teeth. He leans in shyly and both their eyes close, as if they’re afraid to see what they’re doing.
It may have been a little early though because it takes a few seconds of awkward giggles and bumped noses for their lips to finally meet. But when they do?
It’s perfect .
Soft and sweet and perfect. Everything he knew she always was. It’s got all the awkward charm of a first kiss but Damian can’t bring himself to care. She’s perfect and pretty and goddamn kissing him. Nothing is better than this.
They finally pull away with a small smack, just sort of staring at each other in awe for a few moments.
“Was that… was it…” she stammers nervously, fidgeting with her fingers.
He takes her hands in his and locks eyes with complete sincerity. “It was perfect.”
“Yeah?”
He nods immediately. “I actually… I’d kinda like to do it again.”
She laughs softly and nods in response. “Yeah okay.”
He cups her cheek, feeling a bit more confident in the action the second time around and leans in. But this time, he’s stopped before their lips can meet. “Uhh Dami?”
He opens his eyes, blinking in confusion. “Yes?”
She nods towards the doorway. “I think your siblings are watching.”
He lets out a heavy sigh.
“Of course they are.”