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you think there's beauty in his madness
in the way he hoards screws and scraps of metal
in the angle of his jaw and the faint lines in his smile
he may be mad but he's beautiful
like a cool night like the sun at dawn
and he's
(somehow)
yours
he works late most nights, hunched over his workspace, long fingers fiddling with one of many projects
lets stress wind him tight until he can't breathe
shoulders tense back aching head pounding
gritted teeth muttered exclaimations
you slip into his room and work the coils loose with the tips of your fingers
watch as he comes undone by your hands,
head rolling back in bliss
he kisses you and you smile, breathing in seasalt and ocean from his earlier swim
(he's yours and
it's amazing)
sometimes you rest your chin in your hand and watch the line of sun set his hair afire
he is a phoenix, shedding the last traces of ash
muscles shift under skin and you shiver because you've seen under that too
suddenly you're reminded of how fragile he is
the many times you've almost lost him
and when you fit yourself against his side like a puzzle piece he only pulls you closer
its been
five years since you saved the world without a thank you
thrown back into a life that died without a passing glance
you stuck together because you needed to
like puzzle pieces you exist for each other
needed him to lean on when the dreams got worse
needed you to put himself together when his scars came apart
you vaguely remember dark nights and twisted memories
remember him shaking you awake and holding you close
whispering nonsense carding fingers through your hair
(alternatively
you remember a night when you found him in the bathtub
freezing water and unresponsive to your calls
you climbed in with him and clutched him to you until his pulse reappeared
cried with him
ignored the colour of the water)
the night he kissed you, you dreamt about a black hole that took the world with it
he became the sun that burned it away
became the heart that stole your own
he is the tin man that melted when he got too close to the flame
let it swallow him entirely
(he was already lost)
and reforged himself instead of ceasing to exist
learned and became himself through
the motions of his own hand
the gentle twist of his fingers and the sparks of his thoughts
he is everything you wished you could ever be
and everything you never were
you're not sure what you were before but
you doubt you were that graceful
you are more like a weed,
existing to exist
living because you had to
living because if you didn't, who would?
she died too young and left you a promise in the form of an island and a game
you survived to play
survived because somewhere was a better life and she wanted it for you
even if you had to experience hell first
you are the twisted vine that grows in the brambles,
breathing through rock and mud and sand to exist
to find a better world out there, somehow
away from the terrors of the world
away from the fear of death
away from the white beasts lurking at your window
he is the sun and you are the vine and
you exist together
but sometimes you wonder if one day
he'll burn too hot and
you will wither
sometimes you wake to watch the new day come
watch hazy orange streaming through the blinds
sit at the kitchen counter and
remember a time when you never knew how amazing life was
remember a time when you were kids and the world was strange but it was yours
it was yours and you fought for it
but the tangled rope of the illusion began to fray
and you found yourself dying in a flash of light
being reborn in paradox space
becoming gods, somehow
the dream broke and you found yourself not a day older
sprawled in bed, sheets around your ankles
staring at your ceiling and the (familiar?) posters
you survived but
it never felt like
"home"
again
never felt safe
you found yourself waiting on a disk that would change your life again
(lost track of time, of people
lived in your world of white monsters and green green green)
(they didn't need you didn't want you--
why does your computer keep beeping shut up)
believed that this was another world you were meant to destroy
and recreate
and destroy
(your friends were pieces to the puzzle but they never quite fit--)
in time you got a package
dropped onto the island by a plane
(you had forgotten they existed)
inside was a transportalizer and a tear stained letter
(-god, I don't know if you'll get this but
the instructions are in the box put it together I know you can do it
please Jake
we need you Roxy said she saw you online I know you're there
please come back to us please please please
I love you-)
there are lips on your neck and
you're not entirely sure when he woke up
but light has invaded the room and there are warm hands around your waist
he knows you too well
knows when you get lost in memories lost in things you should have done
times when you should have said sorry and times when you didn't
(they overlap
more than you'd like to admit)
and when his arms come to rest around your hipbones
hands resting against skin
against old scars new dreams and a heart that beats
that's when you find home
home is in his arms
home is with him