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Stuck in the sunflower field, there wasn’t much Scar could do but sit and stare. He would occasionally walk around, foraging for things to give him some company or peace of mind. Everywhere he went, though, he always saw Grian. He tried to play innocent, ignorant to the life they once lived together, like he didn’t remember. But he remembered it all. The pricks of the cactus embedded into his skin, only digging deeper as he fell to the ground; The tears streaming down Grian’s face as he brought his companion closer and closer to death with every swing; even the fading light as Grian knelt beside him and whispered how sorry he was. He remembered every bit of it.
But Scar could see the way it would eat at Grian every time they were in a new lifetime. How Grian would look at Scar a little too closely if he were doing something dangerous, or how he would keep just the right amount of distance from Scar no matter what. Even when their souls were literally bound to one another, Grian didn’t stay. In that lifetime, he put the most amount of distance as he could between them, and it destroyed Scar. All he wanted was for those same eyes to look at him like he couldn’t live without him; now he wouldn’t look at him at all.
Maybe that’s how he ended up alone in this life. With no friends, no Grian, and now no one at all. Now he spent his days sitting in the sunflower field with nothing to accompany him but his thoughts. Today was a particularly hard day, it was one of those days where he could recall every lingering moment he and Grian had, every single conversation, even if it were such a quick and fleeting moment, he would hold on to every word, try to find the deeper meaning, try to find some semblance that Grian still wanted him. He always came up empty.
As he sat there in the field, Scar noticed the wind pick up. It wasn’t too unusual, but the whispers that accompanied it was. He saw a light near the secret keeper, something that, other than giving him new tasks, stayed silent. He wondered what task it would bring him today.
Scar retrieved his book and opened it, expecting the usual task about gathering more sunflowers or praising the watchers, but this time it was different.
“Come find me.”
was all it said. He finally got a different task, and it was the most vague of them all. At first, he thought it had something to do with the watchers and giving them something, but the text wasn’t written in purple ink as it usually was when they wanted something from him. This time the ink was red. As Scar looked closer at the page, he noticed a tiny drawing of a bird; red with fading yellow and blue in its wings, and suddenly it hit Scar. This was a message from Grian.
He looked around frantically, holding on to any amount of hope that he would be there. His heart rate picked up at the thought of getting to see Grian, to hug him, to hold him and never let go, to spill every thought that had festered in his brain for months while he was alone.
After about 4 hours, Scar was ready to give up. There was no indication anywhere that someone else was here; maybe the watchers were just toying with him.
Scar had only one place left to check. It was a part of the land that he hadn’t traveled to since he was left alone. He did everything he could to avoid it, but he couldn’t give up on the chance that someone was there waiting for him.
Scar traveled to the edge of the mesa, to this little patch of desert that wasn’t cut off by the confines of their world. A place he and Grian traveled to together, and Scar joked about getting a monopoly on cactus. A moment he hoped would communicate that he remembered, and he saw this pain flash on Grian’s face for a split moment before he shook it off and equally played it back as a joke. When he got there, he searched and searched, but there was no Grian, there was no clue. He sat on the hill's edge and stared at the cactus that had since regrown, and let the tears fall down his face.
He was about to give up and go back to the secret keeper to press fail when he heard a chirp. He was certain he had lost his mind, but then he heard it again. He glanced back at the cactus only to see the same type of bird that was in the book, right there in front of him. It hopped over to Scar, burrowing its beak into his hand. Scar was certain that this time he wasn’t dreaming, that maybe he was right all along, and that Grian did care. This couldn’t be anyone else but Grian still watching over him and making sure he’s okay. He’d always care, but he’d never be with him again.
Scar let the bird hop onto his lap while he sobbed. Letting out every emotion he had kept inside for so long. Regretting never trying harder to keep Grian by his side. Regretting not telling Grian he forgave him for the desert. He regretted never telling Grian he loved him, and always would. Instead, he would forever be stuck in eternity with the reminder that he won’t get that chance ever again.