Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They had done it. They got their bosses back.

With Munkustrap taking Steve back to the surface, it gave all of the cryptids an easy escape. All of them gone under Cesare’s watch, Calligari would’ve sent him to whatever form of double death exists. That would have been, if it wasn’t for his team convincing the clowns to go back for him. The whole ordeal was an elaborate prison break, and it ended with everyone safe and alive (or undead). None of them were given the time to process anything, staring blankly as they tried to sort out what to do now. Eventually, Steve spoke up.

“I am absolutely famished! We should get some food!” He said, not waiting for a response before walking towards a nearby diner. 

The group gathered around in a circular booth. The staff’s makeup was all worn and smudged, even the three not wearing any looked worse for wear. Everyone wanted to go home, sleep, rest from the events of the previous12 hours. But there were too many questions left in the air for that to settle properly. It was silent, looks being given as everyone waited for another to speak up.

Penny, used to negotiating with kids in tough situations, spoke up first.

“So, I guess that explains why we never saw Steve out of his makeup now, doesn’t it?” She’d awkwardly try to say with a light tone.

“Yeah, we already established that our bosses aren’t human. The real question should be what are we going to do now?! Are the zombie cops going to come and try to drag you back down?” Allen chimed in, looking to Cesare who rolled his eyes in response. “And you! Now that you have your friend do you plan to invade us??” He added, pointing to Munkustrap.

“Oh nonsense! I just came to retrieve our dear friend Steve! Once I take him back home you will never hear from us again!” Munkustrap assured, only to cause the other clown to flinch.

“But! My burgers-!” Steve exclaimed, a singular tear rolling down his face. “Who will take care of them!”

“You can go home after thousands of years and you are worried about-” Billie paused for a moment. “Burgers?”

Steve’s demeanor got comically serious out of thin air, standing up on the booth as he glared at Munkustrap despite answering Billie. “I have spent years perfecting the craft of the ideal American cheeseburger. You can’t make me undo all of my hard work! DO YOU WISH FOR WAR TO BEGIN ON THIS–” 

Steve was cut off.

“Christ on a stick, Steve, you have the chance to go back home. You’ll be fine without your grease covered patties. Besides, if you stay here they’ll keep sending people after you. Even if I was the best, there are others they will send for you.” Cesare finally spoke up.

“Precisely! And if you really will miss your little burgers we can easily take some home with us! We could even bring along all of your little friends if you would like!” Munkustrap offered, turning to the crew in polka polos.

“Oh, well, that is a nice offer but I don’t think I can be abducted for another thirteen years or so, I gotta make sure my kiddo gets set on a good life!” Penny politely declined.

“Yeah, Munk, my guy, you know we have lives outside of Steve right?” Tim asked.

“You do?” The clown responded, bewildered.

“I am staying here. Thank you for coming, but I won’t be returning.” Steve said, avoiding facing Munkustrap. It was one of the rare times he showed true sincerity.

“Oh. Hm. Welp, I suppose I am staying here until you change your mind!”

The rest of the group, aside from a bemused Cesare, looked over at Munkustrap in shock.

“Great. Instead of getting out of here you two are becoming a bigger target! I can’t believe it took a year to capture you, Steve.” Cesare sarcastically quipped.

“Actually, would you care to explain that?” Allen spoke up.

“Yeah, the clowns got their answers but, like, have you been a zombie this whole time too? And why were you chasing Steve? Is he a criminal?” Francis asked.

“And do we all get a weird haircut when we die?” Conrad added, causing his coworkers to shoot him a glare. “What? It doesn’t look intentional.”

Cesare let out a groan. He didn’t want to explain anything, it was why he always tried to avoid it before. But now, all his dirty laundry was sprawled out on the floor for everyone to see. It made him feel uncomfortable.

“I found out a little too late that hair doesn’t grow back post-mortem.” Cesare said, only responding to Conrad. Before the two more competent employees could speak up in protest, a waiter came to the table.

“Hello there! What can I get you guys in this fine evening?

“Oh yes! I would like to get one of these if you do not mind!” Munkustrap asked, pointing to a picture of the kids meal on the menu. The waiter paused, looking him over before determining they didn’t want to argue with what appeared to be a bunch of lunatics.

“Alright, will that be all?” The silent glares answered their question, the waiter taking their leave.

“Cesare, you can’t dodge our questions-!” Allen scolded once the waiter was out of sight.

“It seems like I just did!” Cesare shot back.

“And I thought we were disfunctional-” Billie mumbled, leaning over to Tim.

“Yeah, no these guys are definitely a weird bunch.” He responded.

“Whatever. Keep your secrets. All I ask is what will become of Zomburger now? I assume you got our pay from ‘upper management’. Are you going to shut it down? Do you even have the funds to keep running it?" Allen asked, exasperated by Cesare’s pettiness.

“WOAH! Woah, Doc! How dare you insinuate I would shut down! You guys aren’t going anywhere, either! Consider the pay cut reprimand for shoving your noses into my personal life!” Cesare concluded, getting up from his spot in the booth. “I better see you all BRIGHT and EARLY tomorrow! The expo is still going on and I am not missing out on the succulent PRESS!” Cesare yelled as he walked out of the dinner, his employees squinting at one another. Seems like they have to let go of their comfortable lifestyles.

“I suppose we shall take our leaves as well. Maybe I can squeeze in a nap before we have to go back to the truck.” Allen said as he moved out of the booth, followed by the other two.

“You guys are really just going back to work after all that?” Billie questioned.

“Yeah, we just got him back! Why wouldn’t we want to stick around? It’s fun!” Francis answered, smiling.

“Trying to kill us is fun?” Billie asked.

“KILLING YOU IN CHARACTER!” Francis corrected. “And yes, it was! We’ll see you tomorrow!” She waved, the group exiting themselves.

“Oh yeah, are we working tomorrow too? I assumed ‘boss getting dragged to the underworld’ was a means for a day off but, no pressure if it isn’t!” Billie asked, turning to Steve.

“It is but a minor setback! We must sell our burgers. WE MUST!” Steve threw his hands in the air as though the selling food was more important than what he had just gone through. Munkustrap clapped in response, laughing jovially. Tim squinted at him, pointing.

“What about him? You said you aren’t going home, are you gonna just..live with Steve now?” 

“Oh, nonono! My ship will be suitable for me! Though I would LOVE to tag along with your silly little food truck adventures! You seem so passionate about it Steve! Why the last time I saw a clown with such a light in his eyes was when you first got cast for Old Deut!” Munkustrap said with poorly controlled volume.

“Wait, you just left your ship in the middle of the fairground, right?” Billie chimed in.

“Yes! Right where the hole is! Why?”

“What if someone saw it and called the feds?” 

Munkustrap paused for a moment before shooting up from his seat, booking it back to his ship.

“Well, Steve, your friend seems like a nice guy!” Tim spoke up, smiling.

“He is not my friend” Steve responded with a sigh, pushing himself up from his own seat. 

“He isn’t? But he came all this way for you!” Penny exclaimed.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Steve left without another word.

The remaining three looked at one another, a bit of an awkward silence in the air.

“I guess we should just head home then?” Billie asked

“Yeah, I guess so.” Tim answered.

With that, the three got up and left.

Moments later, the waiter returned with the kids meal.

“And here you go–...oh”

Chapter Text

The truck was parked at the same place it was left, Steve asleep in the driver's seat. Even if it wasn’t a bed, his truck was far more comfortable than the stone floor underground. It was familiar and safe.

His rest was quickly disturbed, however, with a loud banging on the back door. Steve grumbled as he lifted his head up, looking over his shoulder. He shuffled through the cramped truck, unlatching the door to be faced with an unexpected sight.

“Hello Ste–” Before Cesare could speak, Steve closed the door on his face. The corpse gave an offended scoff, balling his hand into a fist as he banged on the door.

“STEPHEN! I am not here to take you back! I am an ass, but I don’t break promises!” Cesare yelled. The door opened again, just a crack for Steve to peak out.

“What do you want?” He asked, his eyes squinted to the point they looked closed. Cesare rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he spoke.

“I wanted to talk to you without those annoying FREAKS you keep around riding my ass. You mind if I come in?” Cesare asked, the faintest hint of humility present on his face.

Steve thought for a moment. Just the previous day he was dragged to the depths of the earth by this man. Can he be sure he won’t do it again? Steve looked Cesare over, determining if he was going to bring him back, he would’ve done so already. The door swung open, Steve already shuffling back to his spot at the head of the truck. Cesare scrunched his nose up a bit, so used to the nauseating smell of his own food truck that the lack of it smelt strange. He stepped up, closing the door behind him as he walked over to where Steve was sat. He rested an elbow on the head of the seat, leaning over to look at Steve.

“This is stupid, you know that right? Running away is only going to make them want you more.” Cesare started, rubbing his nose in an attempt to keep a nonchalant demeanor about him. “Youre not getting away, if anything you're putting your friend in the line of fire with you.”

“Since when have these monkeys joined your circus?” Steve asked, leaning his head back to look at the other. Cesare pushed off the seat, crossing his arms.

“Because, if you go away then I will no longer have to put up with your intrusions on my business, alright? It is in my best interest to convince you to leave.” Cesare tried to shrug off, but Steve seemed to pick up on the facade. He was smarter than one would think, the nonsense in his mind had some form of coherence.

“Your poker face used to be better.” Steve simply put, turning back to rest his head on the steering wheel. “I don’t lose sleep over liars.”

Cesare clicked his tongue, conceding.
“Fine, I don’t want to see you get dragged back down there! But this is entirely out of my own desire. If they send people for you, it is only a matter of time they come for me too. If you are gone, maybe it will throw them off my scent.”

Steve took in the others' words. At least Cesare was trying.

“I just want to make food.” Steve looked back up. “I can do that here! So I will. I am not willing to give that up. Neither are you”

“I can give it up!” Cesare tried to defend from Steve’s implication.

“Then why not run somewhere safer? They are after you too.” Steve chuckled, drawing the comparison to their situations.

Cesare paused, rolling his eyes.

“You can have whatever imaginary “cares about his foodtruck” version of me you have in your head, you freak. Whatever gets your rocks off.” He stood, walking back out of the truck. “If you know your mistake, go ahead and make it. Don’t judge me for mine.”

Steve watched the corpse leave, still quietly laughing to himself. He soon rested his head back down, going back to sleep.

—

It was only a few hours later before his crew came to open the truck.

Everything was fairly normal; Tim prepping the food and grill, Penny and Billie cleaning up around the outside before setting up their small pop-up table. Steve was happy to have his friends back, even if he had only been away from them for a day. It should feel like a blip in Steve's near immortal lifetime, and yet he felt like he was pulled away for centuries. He stood outside, watching them work with a smile.

“If only you could've gotten the stage hands to work like this.” An unfortunately familiar voice spoke up, causing Steve’s smile to fade away completely.

Munkustrap took notice, gently elbowing his comrade.

“Oh, what’s with the long face? You really don’t intend to stay mad at me forever, do you?” He asked.

“Maybe you should give me another century.” Steve grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Do you know how HARD it was to save you? It was exhausting!” Munkustrap dramatically put a hand over his forehead. “That should definitely make up for sending you away!”

“You are forgiven. Now leave me alone” Steve refuted.

“Not an option, my dear friend! I promised I wouldn’t return until I found you!” Munkustrap explained, averting his eyes. “That and my ship may be a little dysfunctional at the moment.”

Steve's eyes widened. “You broke it?!”

“Well, I didn’t! When I came back last night there were a bunch of men in yellow rubber suits, horrible fashion choice by the way, and they were trying to take it away! So, I explained that it was mine, and then they tried to shoot me! I managed to get past them, flying my ship somewhere safe. Though they seemed to have taken a few parts out in the process.” Munkustrap told Steve, his hands moving frantically as he explained. He was always very animated, Steve remembered.

“So you are stuck here.” Steve huffed. “Great.”

“I choose to see it as a blessing in disguise!” Munkustrap closed his eyes, holding a finger up. “I mean, it gives us the perfect chance to finally reconcile, and more time for you to change your mind about coming home.”

“Im not going back.”

“Well, you think that now! But I am sure I can convince you otherwise!” Munkustrap swung one of his arms, giving a thumbs up. “And now I won’t have to worry about the temptation to go home before you are ready!”

Steve opened his mouth to respond, but someone else spoke before he could.

“Steve!” Penny walked over, her voice frazzled. “I am sorry to interrupt but my mom just gave me a call. Something came up with Dad at the nursing home, and she can’t take Molly with her.”

Steve paused for a moment, not quite sure what Penny was talking about. “Who’s Molly?”

“Oh, that’s my daughter's name! I need to go and pick her up from my mom’s place, do you think it would be okay if I took the day off?” Penny asked. She never liked leaving things last minute like this, but she knew her kid took priority.

“OH! A kid? I am GREAT with kids!” Munkustrap spoke up. “I am sure I can watch her while you work on your…burgers.”

Steve shot a glare at the other clown.

“Oh, Munkustrap, are you sure? I mean I am sure you have some important stuff of your own to do!”

Munkustrap waved his hand dismissively. “Nonsense, Penny! Anything to help out Steve and his ventures.”

“Alright, sounds good! I will be right back, then.” Penny ran back to the truck, grabbing her keys before leaving.

Steve’s glare remained, Munkustrap glancing over. “What?”

“YOU HATE KIDS!”

“Steve, that was ages ago! People can change!” Munkustrap smiled, crossing his arms.

There was a moment of silence.

“Okay, yes, I don’t like kids. BUT! What is more important? Your little truck thingy or me avoiding everything I hate?” Munkustrap defended.

“Avoiding things you hate. Observe.” Steve turned away from Munkustrap, walking away.

“Ah. I see what you did there! Very clever, Steve!” Munkustrap stood there for a moment, looking around aimlessly. His plan to win Steve over with his altruism seems to have failed. Now, he is going to be stuck with a little human for the rest of the day.