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Chapter Text

Buck stops breathing when the shot fires. 

Icy panic shoots through him at the sound of it. 

Then, a second after he hears it, he feels something warm and wet hit his face. It’s only later that he realizes that it’s blood. 

Eddie’s blood. 

There’s a moment of stillness. Where Eddie and Buck can only look at each other with wide eyes. He’s in too much shock to do anything but stare. 

Then Eddie falls. 

A body rams into him, knocking him to the hot pavement. 

He rolls under the fire engine. He’s too focused on getting Eddie to safety to panic about being under an engine again. 

“Eddie,” He grounds out, army crawling toward his best friend. “Hang on. Eddie. I’m coming for you.” 

More shots rain down. Buck thinks he hears a fire catching. But it doesn’t matter. 

Nothing does if he can’t get Eddie to safety. 

He grabs his arm and drags him under the engine as well. 

Eddie screams as Buck pulls him through to the other side. 

“Get him into the cabin.” Someone demands. 

Buck lifts and shoves Eddie into the cabin of the engine. 

In a blur of movement, they laid Eddie on the back seat, the sound of shots following them. 

Desperately, Buck rips his shirt open and grabs something to stop the bleeding. 

“Hey, I got you okay,” Buck reassures as he hears a voice calling in the injury. “Hey, just stay with me.”

“Are you hurt?” Eddie frets as if he doesn’t have a bullet wound in his shoulder. 

“No, no, no. I’m good.” He assures, glancing up to see how far they are from the hospital. “You just hang on. Hey, come on! Come on! Just hang on.”

Eddie was drifting in and out of consciousness. 

“Hey, we’re three minutes away. We’re so close.” Buck promised. 

“We’re going to need a lot of blood,” The voice told dispatch. 

Blood, there was so much of it. On his face. His clothes. His hands. A never-ending supply turning the cloth red. 

He had to stop the bleeding. 

“We’re so close,” Buck repeated. “I need you to hang… I need you to hang on.” 

Finally, they stopped at the hospital. The truck had barely stopped moving before he was out of it, frantically calling the ER staff over. “Come on! Come on! Come on!” 

Eddie was transferred over to a gurney, and the hospital staff was debriefed. 

Suddenly, everything seemed far away. Nurses and paramedics rushed past him. But he couldn’t move. 

“You okay, Buckley?” the other fire captain asked. 

For a moment, he didn’t answer. He just stared at his best friend being wheeled into the ER. A handful of cops brushed past him, but he didn’t acknowledge them. 

“No.” He answered to the still air. 

*******

Taylor takes him to his apartment to change. His mind is whirling the entire time. He had no clue how he was supposed to tell Christopher what happened. 

His phone rings and flashes a number he doesn’t recognize. He has half a mind to ignore it like he has all of the other calls since the moment the shots rang out. He stared at it blankly, trying to make sense of what was going on. The phone dimmed as the call was sent to voicemail, and that was the end of it. Until not a moment later, it lit up again with the same number. So grudgingly, he answered the call. 

“Hello, is this Evan Buckley?” a polite voice asked from the other side of the line. 

“Uh… yeah…” Buck answered distantly. 

“Hi, my name is Sydney. I’m calling with Child Protective Services,” The woman, Sydney, started warmly. 

Was this about the kid they were going to check on? 

“Oh…” He trailed off, “Is everything okay? Do I need to give a statement or something?” 

“No, sir. This is in regard to Edmundo Diaz and his son Christopher Diaz.” She corrected gently.  

Panic shot through him.

What is this about?

“Okay…” He trailed off, hoping that she would elaborate without him having to guess what was going on. 

“We were informed by Mr. Diaz’s work that there was an incident, and he is in the hospital currently.” 

“Uh, yeah… He was shot.” He muttered numbly.

“Okay, well, according to Mr. Diaz’s will, you are to be Christopher’s guardian should something happen to him.” 

The news hit Buck like a truck. Eddie had deemed him the one responsible for Chris. His mind swirled at the thought. 

Why not his parents or siblings? Hell, even his abuela or tia. 

Why him?

He was a mess.

Barely capable of taking care of himself. And yet Eddie entrusted the most important person in his life to him. 

“Are you- are you sure?” He stuttered. 

“Yes, sir,” She affirmed. “However, if you are unable or unwilling to, we will find an alternative.” 

“No, no. I- I’ll take care of him.” 

“Wonderful. Thank you, Mr. Buckley. Take care.” 

The line went dead from the other end. Buck just stood in shock for a moment before Taylor appeared at the top of the stairs. Together they left, heading over to Eddie’s house. 

*******

Buck found Chris sitting on his bed in his room. He glanced up from his switch when Buck lingered at the door. He didn’t even blink at Buck’s presence, a testament to how often he came over. 

“Hey, Buck,” Chris greeted idly. 

“Hey,” Buck answered softly, moving to crouch in front of the boy. 

“Where’s Dad?” 

“Uh, he,” Buck stuttered. “He’s, uh, he’s- he’s not coming home tonight, Chris.” 

“Why not?” Chris questioned. 

God, he wasn’t prepared for this.

“Well, um,” Buck hesitated. “H-He got hurt at work today.”

“In a fire?” Chris pushed. 

“Um…” He sighed, moving to sit next to Chris on the bed. “No. Not- not in a fire. The truth is… someone hurt your dad.” 

“On purpose?” 

“Yeah, we think so.” 

“A bad guy?” 

“Mhmm,” Buck hummed, fighting back tears. “Uh, yeah… Y- yeah, a b… a- a bad guy.” 

Buck swiped at a tear on his face. 

Keep it together, Buck.

Chris turned to face him more. “Is he going to be okay?” 

God, he hoped so.  

“You know, your dad is, uh…” Buck said instead because he couldn’t promise anything. “He’s tough as nails. He’s a fighter, right.” He swiped at his face again. “So, uh, so he- he’s with the doctors right now.”

“Like the ones that fixed you?” 

“Yeah, like the ones that fixed me,” He agreed

“Then he’s going to be okay, right?” Chris asked, looking down at his lap. 

Before Buck could answer, his phone pinged twice. He glanced down at it to see a text from Bobby. 

Bobby: Out of surgery. Doctors said it went well.

“Yeah, I think so, buddy.” He sighed, relief washing over him. “I think so.” 

He meant to sigh, but it came out as more of a sob. And then once he started, he found himself unable to stop. He sat there crying on Chris’s bed, scrubbing his face to rid it of the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. 

Chris wrapped his arm around him. “It’s going to be okay, Buck.” 

*******

Going to work the next morning was hell. He didn’t want to go. There was a sniper out there with some sort of vendetta against the LAFD. Not only that, but Eddie was still unresponsive in the hospital.  

Chris, try as he might to hide it, was terrified. The first day, when Buck was trying to leave, Chris hugged, clinging tightly to him, silently pleading that Buck wouldn’t go. But he had to. So eventually, Buck had to detach and head into work. 

There, he was given a bulletproof vest, and they were briefed on the new safety protocols. It was weird to work with the LAPD following their every move. The job has always been dangerous, but never like this. Before, the threats were fires or global pandemics, not someone lurking out there waiting to take them out. Nowhere was safe. 

The next day wasn’t any easier. Chris had woken him up from where he was sleeping on the couch. He knew that Eddie wouldn’t have minded him using his bed, but it felt wrong somehow. 

“Can I talk to my dad now?” Chris asked once it was clear that Buck was awake. 

Buck checked his phone for any updates. 

Nothing. 

“Uh… Not yet. He’s still resting,” He eventually settled on. 

What else could he say?

Eddie hadn’t woken up. Which was… fine. Completely fine. He had just been shot and didn’t wake up from the surgery… Nothing to worry about there. 

Chris tried to hide how disappointed he was, and Buck pretended not to notice. 

They got ready for the day. After Chris had been dropped off at school, Buck headed into work. 

It was hard to do their jobs when half of the people they were supposed to be helping were terrified of going with them. 

It was painful being back in the field without Eddie. 

On the third day, Carla came over to help. 

“Good Morning!” Carla called as she let herself in. “Oh, are we still in our pajamas? School starts in 20 minutes.”

Buck winced. More proof that he should not have been entrusted with Chris. “Sorry, that’s my fault. Sleep through the alarm.” 

“Oh, no, that’s good,” Carla corrected. “That means that you’re getting some sleep.”

“Buck snores, loud,” Chris complained playfully. 

“Well, that’s also good to know,” Carla chuckled. 

“Okay, I uh, I think it’s time someone got ready for school,” Buck deflected.

“I’ll go. But I’m gonna need a nap later,” Chris teased, grinning. “Cause of all the snoring.”

Both adults laughed as Chris made his way back to his room. Carla gave another fond look toward the hall Chris had just disappeared down. 

“He seems to be doing okay,” She said, a tint of relief in her voice. 

“Do you think he knows what’s going on?” Buck questioned. 

“The boy already lost his mother,” She answered grimly. “I think he understands more than we’d like him to.” 

She was right. Of course, she was. He hated to think about it. No child should have to lose their parent. And now… He might lose his other one. 

It wasn’t fair. 

“Now what about you?” Carla prompted after a moment. “I mean. How is it being back out there?” 

“It’s weird,” He answered with a sigh. “You know. The team feels… off without Eddie.” 

Carla gives Buck a look that he can’t quite decipher. “Not what I was asking about. I’m really worried about you being out there.”

“I’m… I’m fine.” He dismissed. “I’m not the one that got shot.” 

Carla gave him a long look, like she wanted to say more but was interrupted by Chris reappearing from the hallway. 

“Ready,” Chris grinned. 

“Well, let’s get you to school,” Carla smiled, schooling her expression of concern into something lighter. 

Buck headed to the station not much longer after them. He looked to Bobby as he was changing, hoping that he had any updates on Eddie. But there wasn’t. 

He hated waiting in the station for calls to come in. It felt oddly like waiting on death row for his execution. 

He tried to make it his own execution on the next call. 

It wasn’t that he was intentionally trying to put his life at risk. But someone had to help the guy. 

And he couldn’t risk anyone else. 

When they got to the scene, the construction worker didn’t seem to realize what was going on because he was shocked at the police’s presence there. 

But they were debriefed about the worker stuck up there pinned. Before it was even spoken out loud, Buck knew that someone would have to go up there. And the sniper would get a clean shot. There was no way of knowing where the sniper was and if he was anywhere nearby. 

But if he was, then whoever went up there would be as good as dead.  

Once he realized that it was an easy enough decision. Some would say that he did it without thinking. But he had thought it through. He was the only one without someone to go home to. Bobby had Athena. Not to mention May and Harry, who loved him like a father. Hen had Karen and Denny. Chim had a newborn for fucks sake. And Maddie needed him. 

He had started up the ladder before anyone could even know to stop him. 

“Buck, nobody cleared you to go up there,” Bobby’s voice admonished over the radio. “You are completely exposed, and we don’t have any way to protect you. Buckley. Buckley, respond.” 

“I got this, Cap,” Buck assured, barely stopping to say it. “I brought a tourniquet. Hen and Chim can walk me through anything else I need to do.” 

For a moment, he looked around at the city. At all the places that a sniper could be hiding. Then he continued moving. 

“Alright, Buck, his name is Cliff,” Hen read him in relenting to letting him help. Not that she had much of a choice. “And that cable that’s got him pinned. There’s no way to move it. You've got to cut it to drop the beam. And release the pressure.” 

Chim’s voice cut Hen off over the radio. “But the tourniquet goes on first. We’ll walk you through it.”

For a moment, Buck caught a glare from a far-off window. And he thought this was it. The sniper was going to take him out. Part of him wondered if he should be more scared than he was. Then, after a moment, nothing happened, and Buck continued climbing. 

He made his way over to the injured man. He introduced himself and set up to treat him. With Hen and Chim’s guidance, he put on the tourniquet and cut the beam off. Then brought himself and the man back down to safety. 

Bobby gave him a long look as the other loaded Cliff up into the ambulance. 

Yeah, he was in for a major telling off when they got back to the station. 

To his surprise, when they arrived back at the station, Bobby didn’t yell at him. He didn’t say anything at all. Just went up to the loft and started prepping vegetables. Buck watched him, expecting him to blow up at any second. The silence he got was almost worse.

“You going to say anything?” Buck eventually broke the silence. 

Bobby dropped the knife, turning to face him. “I don’t know, Buck, what would you like me to say?” 

“Oh, I mean-” He floundered. “I mean, usually it’s… ‘What were you thinking?’ ‘That was reckless’ or my personal favorite… ‘You could’ve been killed.’”

“No, it doesn’t seem like I need to have the conversation.” Bobby snapped. “You know it by heart already. And still you went full Buck.” 

Hurt flashed through him. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

Bobby sighs. “You’ll never be the person who thinks before he acts. And I’ve learned to come to terms with that. In part because I realized I don’t have a choice. You’re never gonna change. But also because I know that whatever actions you take, no matter how dangerous or impulsive they may be, they come from your heart. Because you care.”

Something in his chest loosened. Bobby knew that he was only trying to help. 

“Wow, thank you.” He answered, relieved. 

“Today was not that,” Bobby interrupted. “You didn’t get caught up in some moment and rush in where angels fear to tread. You made a deliberate choice to make yourself a target.”

There was something in Bobby’s voice that, if Buck hadn’t been so caught up in getting scolded, he would have recognized as fear. Fear of losing Buck. 

“Yeah,” Buck answered, fighting to keep his voice calm. “I made myself a target because I wasn’t gonna let any of you guys take that risk, because I can’t handle anyone else getting hurt right now.” 

“Buck, what happened to Eddie is not you’re fault.” Bobby protested. 

And didn’t he read exactly what Buck was thinking? 

“No. No, I was just the guy standing there when it happened, who couldn’t do anything to protect him.” Buck said bitterly. “Well, today I could do something to protect the rest of you. So I did.” 

Bobby nodded slowly before turning back to cutting the vegetables. 

“We are a team, and we’re supposed to protect each other,” He said with that carefully controlled tone. “Don’t do it again.” 

*******

Bobby not yelling at him had made Buck uneasy. He was prepared to be yelled at. But that wasn’t what Bobby did. Then, when he was gathering stuff from his apartment, Taylor yelling at him and then kissing him only made things worse. He wished that she hadn’t run out of the apartment. He had half a mind to run after her. But then his phone rang, flashing Ana’s number. 

He picked it up in a rush, praying that this wasn’t bad news. 

But it wasn’t. Eddie was awake. 

Buck was out the door and on the way to the hospital before he could think twice about it. He barely remembered to text Carla to let her know that he was going to be later than expected. 

When he finally got to the hospital and saw Eddie awake, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

He was okay. 

Buck facetimed Chris and Carla in. 

“Hey, Dad,” Chris greeted through the computer. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Eddie rasped out. His voice was rough, but it was there. He was there. Alive and breathing. “But I’m gonna see you real soon. I’ll be home before you know it.”

“Let yourself heal first, please,” Calra pleaded, sounding fondly exasperated. “You don’t have anything to worry about. Buck and I have it under control.” 

Buck very much did not think that he had this under control. He was doing his best, but it didn’t feel anywhere near good enough. He couldn’t even get Chris up for school on time. 

Carla, though, was doing amazing. 

“Thanks,” Eddie answered gently. 

“I love you, Dad,” Chris said. 

“I love you, too,” Eddie waved and clicked the call off. Eddie hesitated. “Thank you for staying with him.” 

Buck thought about bringing up the will. About asking why he was the one trusted with Chris. But Ana was sitting right there, and this felt like something that should have been discussed in private. 

“Of course,” He answered instead. 

“He's doing okay?” Eddie fretted. 

He always seemed to worry about everyone but himself. 

“Better than me,” Buck attempted to joke. It didn’t quite land. “Uh, I kinda lost it when I told him that you got shot. I- I’m sorry I should’ve held it together.”

He wished that he could warn Eddie that he wasn’t ready for this type of responsibility, and he didn’t know if he ever would be. 

“You were there when I couldn’t be,” Eddie assured. “That’s what matters.” 

There was an underlying tone of I trust you .

“Still,” Buck muttered, unwilling to let it go. “I think it would have been better for him if I was the one shot.”

An expression that Buck couldn’t place settled on Eddie’s face. He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. 

Buck lingered for a little longer before heading back to Eddie’s house.

Chapter Text

When Buck got back to the house, Carla was waiting for him. She gave Buck a fond smile as he let himself in, clicking the door shut behind him. 

“Chris is getting ready for bed,” Carla informs once Buck finishes putting his stuff down. “He wanted to talk to you.” 

Buck nods and tries to stamp down his worry. He knocks softly at Chris’s door, waiting for permission to enter. 

“Hey, buddy,” Buck greeted softly, “how you holding up?” 

Chris was silent for a few seconds. He curled up tighter on the bed. “Is he going to be okay?” Chris eventually questioned. 

Buck sighed, sitting down on the bed next to Chris. He desperately wished that he could promise Chris that everything would be okay, but Eddie wasn’t fully out of the woods yet. Still, he was awake. The surgery went well, and they are observing him to make sure that everything is good. 

“The doctors are hopeful.” He answers honestly. “Recovery is going to be hard, but I think he’ll get through it.” 

Chris nodded, his mind seeming far away. After a beat, Buck stood and kissed Chris’s forehead. Buck tucked the blanket around Chris. It was a familiar motion done time and time again when he babysat Chris when he was younger. Recently, though, Chris had forbidden it, stating that he was too old for such treatment. These past few days, Chris made an exception. 

“Buck,” Chris called, breaking the silence as Buck was about to leave, “what would have happened to me? If my dad…” 

Chris didn’t finish his thought. He didn’t need to. 

“You- your dad’s going to be okay,” Buck forced out. But Chris didn’t let up. 

“And if he isn’t?” Chris pushed. “What happens to me?” 

“I- if something happens to him…” Buck floundered. “If he can’t take care of you. He- he’s asked me if I would.”

“Will you?” Chris asked with wide eyes. He looked scared that Buck was going to say no. Scared that Buck would leave him like his mom did. Like Eddie had and almost did again. 

“Always,” Buck promised. “I’ll take care of you for as long as life will let me. I’m not going to leave you.”

Distantly, Buck knew that he shouldn’t make promises that he knew he couldn’t keep. Especially when he had done something as reckless as he had that very day. But with Chris looking at him after already losing so much, he couldn’t force himself to break the kid's heart.

“Goodnight, Buck,” Chris said, sounding relieved. 

“Goodnight, Chris.” 

Buck left the room, clicking the door shut behind him. To his slight surprise, Carla was still there, sitting in the kitchen with 2 cups of coffee. 

“I thought you would have gone home by now,” Buck said. 

“No, I wanted to check on you.” Carla brushed off. 

“Thank you, but I- I’m fine.” Buck shrugged, earning an unimpressed look. When it was clear she was waiting on him, he continued.  “Go home. I’m fine.” 

“Buckley, you can’t fool me,” She scolded. “Tell me about your day.”

For a moment, Buck was confused. Then the pieces clicked into place. She must have seen the videos of his climb. 

“Nothing happened,” Buck protested out loud. He really wasn’t in the mood to get yelled at again. 

“And you’re damn lucky it didn’t.” Carla pushed firmly. She didn’t seem angry, just concerned. 

“What would you expect me to do?” He complained. 

“Think before you give a sniper with a grudge a clean shot at you.” Carla pointed out like it was that simple.

“I did think,” He gestured wildly. 

Carla only raised an eyebrow. “Did you?” 

“I did.” He insisted. “I looked at the man dying up there and my family, who all have people to go home to, and I made a choice. And I did have a helmet.” 

“Don’t say that like you don’t also have a family to make it home to.” Carla reprimanded. 

Buck just looked at her, confused. He didn’t. He had no kids of his own. Not even an actual partner waiting up for him. There wasn’t anyone who wouldn’t be okay if it had been him instead of Eddie. 

“What do you think Chris would have done if you got hurt too?” Carla questioned softly. “He’s already lost too much.”

“He would be fine,” Buck protested weakly. 

“You obviously haven’t been paying attention if you really think that.” 

“I mean, maybe if something happened to Eddie, but he’s going to be fine,” Buck said stubbornly.

“Buck.” She glared. “That boy loves you. He would be devastated. So would his dad.” 

“I’m not that important.” Buck excused. Carla gave him a look that suggested she thought he was being intentionally dense. 

“Yes, you are,” She insisted. “Look. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have gone up there. I get that you were trying to help the guy and protect your friends. But I need you to understand that you are important to so many people. People whose life would be undoubtedly worse without you in it.” 

Buck looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with her. Carla finished up her cup of coffee and stood. 

“Goodnight, Buck,” She smiled sadly at him. “Take care, okay?” 

“I will,” He promised. “Good night.”

Carla disappeared out the front door, and he heard the lock slide into place. Buck lingered in the kitchen for a moment longer before heading to bed himself. 

*******

It was a relief when they caught the sniper. Buck would be happy if he never had to wear a bulletproof vest ever again. Worry lingered at the back of his mind about Bobby and his smoke inhalation. But he was being treated and would be fine, more than likely. 

Eddie’s release from the hospital gives him a much-appreciated break from worrying about Bobby. 

“Okay, huh, the nurse is getting your meds and discharge papers ready.” Buck greeted him as he entered the hospital room. He knew that he needed to talk to Eddie about the will, but he had no clue how to bring it up.

“Great,” Eddie answered. “But since we have a minute…”

Eddie trailed off, and Buck wished that he didn’t have a guess of what he wanted to talk about. He didn’t want to think about Eddie almost dying any more than was absolutely necessary.  

“Uh, is everything alright?” Buck played dumb.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie brushed off. “I’m just, uh, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Buck answered, sitting down on the bed next to Eddie.

“You might have noticed that I almost died… again.” Eddie stalled. “I’ve had a lot of close calls. This wasn’t even my closest.”

“Yeah, Eddie,” Buck interrupted. 

“Just. Let me finish.” Eddie pleaded. So Buck did. Despite already knowing about the will and couldn’t imagine what else this could be about. “After last time, when that well collapsed on top of me…”

“Which you survived.” Buck reminded, just as much for himself as it was for Eddie. Because Eddie had survived the well and the sniper, and Buck couldn’t have been more grateful for it. 

Eddie chuckled softly before continuing more insistently. “After that, it got me thinking. You know, what would have happened to Christopher if I hadn’t?”

“So you changed your will.” Buck filled in. With Eddie’s surprised look, he elaborated. “A social worker called and told me while we were waiting for you to wake up.”

“I did,” Eddie confirmed.

“Why?” Buck questioned. “He has family. Real family.”

Eddie’s expression soured for a second before he schooled it. 

“After Shannon left, they tried to guilt me into giving Chris to them,” Eddie filled in. “It’s not what I wanted then, and it’s not what I want now.”

Buck could understand that. He didn’t know much about Eddie’s parents. Just that he didn’t have an easy childhood. Buck never pushed further than that. 

“I still don’t understand why not your sisters?” Buck floundered. “I don’t- I don’t know how well I could do that. I- I’m not a parent.”

“I know that no one would ever fight as hard for my son as you,” Eddie answered, and it felt like an admission to what Buck wasn’t exactly sure. There was something hidden in the undercurrent of the words. “That is what I want for him.”

“Why- why tell me this now? Why not when you changed it almost a year ago?” Buck pushed. 

“Because, Evan, ” Eddie stressed his name. Something that Buck couldn’t place settled in his chest at the sound of it. “You came in here the other day and you said that you thought it would be better if it had been you who was shot.” 

Eddie’s face was hard to read. He had stopped looking at Buck. Instead, he stared at the wall.

“I-” Buck started, but was cut off. 

“You act like you’re expendable,” Eddie sighed. “But you’re wrong.”

Eddie finally looks back at Buck. Too many feelings bubbled to the surface. Buck didn’t know what to do with them or even what half of them were. All he knew was that in this moment… he didn’t want Eddie to ever stop looking at him like this. Like he was one of the most important people in the world. 

*******

Something had changed after the sniper. Buck wasn’t entirely sure what it was, just that there was something… different about their interactions after. Buck was over near constantly in the weeks after the shooting. He helped Eddie with basic household chores and pretended that he didn’t see the way Ana Flores’s expression pinched when Eddie allowed him to help with something that she wasn’t allowed to. Christopher also fell back onto Buck more consistently.

In the middle of a 4 off a few months later, he got a call from a number that he didn’t recognize. Hesitantly, he swiped up on it. He normally didn’t like taking calls from unknown numbers, but something in him told him to answer it. 

“This is Buck,” He answered, holding the phone to his ear. 

“Buck?” A voice Buck recognized as Chris’s answered from the other end of the line. 

“Superman, what’s up?” Buck questioned, immediately concerned. 

“Can you come get me?” Chris asked. 

“I’m on my way, Superman,” Buck promised, rushing to the front door, grabbing his keys along the way. “What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t feel good,” Chris complained. “Dad’s at work and I want to go home.” 

“Okay, buddy, I’ll be there soon.” 

Buck rushed out the door and barely managed to follow the rules of the road on the way. Rushing to get to his一 Eddie’s kid. 

He had barely had time to throw his jeep into park before he was out and heading into Chris’s school. 

“I’m here for Christopher Diaz.” He told the receptionist. 

“Your name?”

“Evan Buckely.” He answered. “I’m on the approved pickup list.” 

The woman nodded and typed a few things on her computer. “He’ll be right out.” 

Buck forced a slightly apprehensive smile. He didn’t really know how to take care of a sick kid. But Chris had called him specifically, and maybe that was because today was Carla’s off day and Eddie was working. But he still couldn’t bring himself to let Chris down. So he would figure it out. 

So when Chris made his way over to Buck, his crutches clicking on the floor, he just smiled and wrapped the boy up in a hug. 

According to the school nurse who had followed Chris out, he had a minor fever and had thrown up about an hour before he got there. 

He nodded, trying to think through whether or not Eddie kept kids Tylenol and or nausea meds. He had to. You never knew when your kid would get sick. Deciding that he would head straight to Eddie’s house and DoorDash anything that Eddie didn’t have. 

Thankfully, Maddie was a nurse and also the one who had always taken care of him when he got sick as a kid. So he at least knew what helped him. 

Once they were back at the house, Buck deposited Chris onto the couch and fetched some blankets to wrap around him. Then he went on a search for meds and some soup. 

He knew that technically, he could just text Eddie and ask about the meds and soup. But he was at work, and while he would never mind stopping to help his kid, Buck didn’t want to worry him. Plus, there was a small part of Buck that hid in the corners of his mind, taunting him that if he asked for help, Eddie would realize what a mistake having Buck as a backup plan was. And then, should the worst happen to Eddie一 a possibility that Buck did his best to avoid thinking about 一 Chris would disappear to Texas and Buck would never see him again. He didn’t think he could handle losing both of them. 

By the time he located the kid’s Tylenol, Chris had fallen asleep on the couch. 

Buck headed to the kitchen and, upon failing to find canned chicken noodle soup, decided to just make some. Eddie had all the ingredients, and it wasn’t like he was going to cook anything with them. All of the cooking in that kitchen was done by Buck and Carla. And if it interfered with a meal that Carla was planning on making, then he would just replace it. 

There was a quiet, comforting feeling to cooking in Eddie’s kitchen that he was decidedly ignoring. He had long ago stopped feeling like a guest at Eddie’s house. And he much preferred it here than at the loft. But he did his best not to give those thoughts weight. Not think about how he was much more comfortable at his best friend's house than he was at most of his exes’ houses. 

Once the soup was ready, he carried a bowl of it out to Chris. He set the tray on the coffee table before gently shaking Chris awake. 

“Superman,” Busk called softly. “Wake up, bud.” 

Chris blinked blearily up at him. 

God, his heart was going to melt. 

“Bucky,” He muttered sleepily.

“That’s me,” Buck smiled fondly. “How you feeling, kid?” 

“Bad,” Chris whined, pulling the blanket closer to him.  

“I’m sorry,” Buck sighed. “I made you soup and got you something for the fever.” 

Chris gratefully accepted the tray of soup and saltine crackers, but eyed the Tylenol with distrust. Ignoring the hatred toward the medicine, Buck measured out the correct dosage. 

“Yucky,” Chris protested when Buck offered it. 

“C’mon, Superman,” Buck coaxed. “It will make you feel better.” 

Chris pouted, still refusing the meds.

“If you take this now, I’ll make you pancakes when you feel better.” Buck bribed without shame. 

“With chocolate chips?” The boy bargained. 

“With all the chocolate chips that your dad will allow.” Buck agreed. 

With one last distrustful look a the medicine, Chris grabbed it from Buck. Taking quickly and screwing up his face once done. 

“Yucky,” Chris complained again.

Buck ruffled his hair and left him to finish his soup. Buck saved the extra soup for Eddie to warm up later. He cleaned the dishes not only from his mess but also the breakfast dishes that had been left in the morning rush. Once that was done and Chris was back asleep on the couch, Buck started tidying the house as a way to pass the time. 

Before he knew it, it was a little before 3 when his phone started ringing. Carla’s contact photo flashed on his screen. He clicked into it, more than a little surprised. He thought it was Carla’s off day. 

“Hey Carla, what’s up?” 

“Do you have Chris?” She asked, sounding slightly apprehensive. “I just went to pick him up, but they said that someone else had picked him up early.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Buck answered, “he called saying that he was sick earlier. Eddie’s at work, and I had just assumed that you were off today.” 

“No, I was supposed to pick him up like normal.” 

“Sorry, I would have let you know if I knew. But I’ve got him if you want the afternoon off.” 

“Are you sure?” Carla checked. 

“I'm sure.”

“Call me if you need anything,” Carla demanded before the line went dead. 

Buck plopped down on the couch, deciding to watch TV to pass the time till Eddie got home.

One and a half Disney movies later, picked out by a drowsy Chris, Buck heard the front door open. 

“In here,” Buck called haphazardly. 

“Buck?” Eddie questioned, confused. “I thought Carla was watching Chris today.”

At his name, Chris groaned and tucked closer into Buck’s side. Eddie turned the corner and gave them both an impossibly fond look. 

“He wasn’t feeling good, so I picked him up early from school.” Buck filled in. “Sorry if Carla didn’t tell you, but I told her that I could watch him today.”

“Thank you, Buck.”

“Of course. Now shut up so we can go back to our movie.”

Chris giggled, and Eddie rolled his eyes. Nevertheless, he plopped down onto the couch on the other side of Chris. 

There was that feeling of rightness that settled in Buck’s chest whenever he was around his boys. Like everything was a little more okay. Because no matter what was going on, he had his best friend and his favorite kid at his side. 

Chapter Text

Eddie's world stops when he sees the flash of lightning. 

The blast knocks Eddie from the base of the ladder. It blinds him momentarily, but once his vision clears, he sees Buck dangling there. 

Everything else stops. Nothing else matters. 

Before he can think twice, he's racing up the ladder faster than is probably recommended. He doesn't care that it's wet, and he wouldn't survive a fall from this height. He wouldn't survive losing Buck. He had to get to him. 

He's distantly aware that he's screaming at Buck. But Buck’s not answering. He's just hanging there, limp. 

Eddie tries in vain to pull Buck up by the harness. But he couldn't. 

Logic finally catches up with his brain一 though only enough to help Buck; all other thoughts are lost to him一 and he realizes that he won't be able to pull Buck up, but they could lower him down. 

The moment that Buck was safely on the ground, Eddie was moving. Going to his best friend. 

By the time Eddie got down to the ground, Chim was over him doing chest compressions. Eddie pushed his way through the group. But Bobby redirected him to driving. 

If you asked any question about the drive over later, Eddie wouldn’t know the answer. He was barely there. He drove on autopilot. 

He had to get Buck to the hospital in time. 

He wouldn’t tell Chris that he had lost another person he loved. 

He couldn’t. 

Distantly, as he rushed into the hospital, leaning over Buck to give him compressions, he knew that Bobby was debriefing the hospital staff. 

He despised pulling away from Buck long enough for them to shock him. But thankfully, when they did, Buck’s heart started beating again. 

They wheeled him off, and it took all of his willpower not to race after them. 

“We’ll do our best,” a nurse promised.

“Do more,” Eddie demanded, knowing full well that he was being unfair. 

This entire thing was unfair. 

Bobby turned back to Chim and Hen. He wrapped an arm around Hen, and soon enough, Eddie and Chim joined in. They stood together offering comfort as much as they could. 

*******

Eddie dreads going home to talk to Chris. He could barely hold himself together as it was. 

But Chris deserved to know what was going on with his family. Because that’s what Buck was to Chris. To himself.

There was no one right word that encompassed what Buck was to them. At least not one that Eddie would admit. Even in the quiet of his own mind. Suffice to say that Buck was important and losing him would be a devastating loss. 

Chris was at the kitchen table when Eddie got home, still lightly damp from the rain but out of his uniform. Carla was across the table with a cup of coffee and a fond smile. 

“Hey, bud,” Eddie greeted. Chris glanced up and smiled at him before returning to what looked like his homework. “Why don’t you take a pause on your homework so we can talk real quick?”

Carla shot him a long look. It was only then that she was able to get a good look at Eddie. His hair was damp and stuck to his forehead somewhat awkwardly. His shoulders were slumped, and there was a faraway look to his eyes. Like his mind was anywhere but here. 

And in some ways it was. Because his mind was still stuck in an ambulance with his best friend, who wasn’t breathing. Stuck watching him getting rolled off into the depths of the hospital. 

Carla’s expression morphed into one of concern. 

“What’s wrong, Dad?” Chris asked fear etching its way into his voice. 

Eddie sighed, kneeling down in front of his son so that they were eye level. 

“Something happened with Buck,” Eddie started tentatively, “He got hurt.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Chris fretted.

“I hope so, bud.” 

“What happened?” Carla questioned.

Eddie glanced between the two of them, trying to decide how much to say in front of Chris. He had enough reason to fear the weather after the tsunami. 

“Dad?” Chris prompted. 

“We were at a fire.” Eddie recited, trying his best to keep his voice calm, not that he was particularly succeeding. “It’s been storming. We didn’t think anything of it… Until- until the lighting… It came out of nowhere, and then Buck was hurt…” Eddie cut himself off before he could say anything to further traumatize his son.

The mental image of Buck hanging there limp would haunt him for the rest of his life. He couldn’t do that to Chris. Wouldn’t force this burden on his kid more than he had to.

Chris’s face collapsed. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he lunged for Eddie. He held his son tightly, letting him cry for as long as needed. He may not let himself cry and shove all his emotions down till no one would find it, but he didn’t want that for his kid. 

*******

Over the next several days, Eddie barely ever left the hospital. They rotated who sat in the room with Buck. It wasn’t anything formal, just a natural rhythm that they fell into. 

Even when he couldn’t sit in the room, he lurked in the hallway. 

When Buck stops breathing, Eddie almost joins him. Chim was the one sitting with him at the time, but when Eddie heard him call for a nurse, all the air seemed to disappear from his lungs. The beeping of the monitor sent every nerve on edge. He had spent enough time in hospitals to know that how fast it was wasn’t good. 

Philip and Margaret Buckley shove their way into the room, crowding the doorway. Inexplicably, annoyance bubbles at them. Logically, he knows that they are his parents and that it makes sense that they are concerned. Except that he knows how they treated Buck growing up. How they still treat him.  

Where was this concern when Buck was purposely hurting himself just to feel loved? Where were they when he was crushed by a ladder truck? Or when he had a pulmonary embolism? 

They were his family, and they had treated him like he was nothing his entire life. As if it were his fault that Daniel died of cancer. 

It isn’t until they are able to stabilize Buck that Eddie feels like he can breathe again. 

*******

Eddie should’ve been more surprised than he was when he rounded the corner a few days later to find Carla and Chris sitting in the waiting room. 

“I’m sorry, but he insisted on being here,” Carla defended immediately. 

He rested a hand on his hip, giving his son a look. 

“I need to see Buck,” Chris insisted. “I have to talk to him.” 

“You know they don’t let kids in the ICU,” Eddie protested. 

He hated doing it. Hated disappointing Chris. But it was hospital policy and maybe not the best for Chris to have to see Buck like that. 

“I don’t care,” Chris affirms, with a stubbornness that Eddie knows was inherited from him. 

“Maybe we can find a workaround,” Carla offers. 

Eddie hesitates. He still doesn’t know that this is a good idea, but Chris is insistent. And as sure as Chris is his kid, he won’t drop it till he gets his way. So Eddie relents and allows Carla to create a distraction while he sneaks Chris into the room. 

“Christopher?” Hen questions when she sees the pair, shooting Eddie a look.

“I couldn’t tell him no,” He explains. He turns his back, trying to hide the concern and something else that he couldn’t一 or rather refused to, 一understand. 

“Is he sleeping?” Chris questions. 

“Something like that,” Eddie forces out. “He’s resting. So the machines can do all the work. Make him feel better.” 

“What are all these tubes?” Chris pushes, not taking his eyes off Buck. 

Hen saves Eddie from having to explain. “That’s part of the ECMO Machine. It takes his blood and puts extra oxygen in it. Then the blood goes back into his body.”

“Can he hear me?” 

Eddie hoped that Buck could. That Buck would hear their一 his kid. 

“I bet he can.” Hen answers, her voice tight. 

“Hey, Buck. It’s me, Christopher.” Chris starts softly. Eddie feels a single tear trailing down his face, which he swipes off. “I know you’re sick. But it’s only temporary. You’re going to be okay. That’s what all the machines are doing. Making you better. But wherever you are, you have to come back. Wherever you are right now, you have to come back.”

Eddie allows Chris to stay with Buck for a little longer before taking him back out to Carla. Chris isn’t happy about it, but doesn’t argue. Just follows his dad out of the room and silently accepts Carla leading him out of the hospital. 

*******

Eddie’s stomach twists into knots when Maddie tells him that they are going to try and take Buck off the ECMO. He knows the fact that they are talking about it is a good thing. But he can’t help but be swept up in anxiety that it won’t go well. 

The longer that Buck was hooked up to those machines, the worse it would be for his body. But if he didn’t breathe… If he couldn’t breathe on his own, what then? 

He could see the worry that was in Maddie’s eyes. He wished that he could help. Wished that he could do anything for his best friend's sister. 

He wasn’t in the room when Buck was taken off the ECMO. He wanted to be. But there were only so many people allowed in the room at once. And that privilege went to Maddie and their parents. 

Again, he knows that he shouldn’t be annoyed or angry at Buck’s parents for being the ones in the room. They were his family. But so were all of them. Eddie had long ago dismissed the idea that family was only the people that you were related to. You can choose your own family. Buck chose the 118. He had felt unloved by his blood, with the exception of Maddie, and decided that he would choose the 118. 

Bobby should have been allowed in there. Bobby, who sat by Buck’s bedside several times now, praying and hoping that he would be okay. Bobby viewed him like a son一 though he would likely never admit that out loud. Bobby was more of a father to Buck than Philip ever was. 

Eddie wasn’t exactly sure where he fit in Buck’s found family. Not that he doubted that he belonged or that he was part of it. But just like how he couldn’t exactly put a name to what Buck was to him and Chris一 something important for sure 一he had no name for what he was to Buck. 

So he just fretted from the hallway the same way he had when Buck's lungs failed.  

It took Buck a concernedly long time to take a breath. 

But he did, and Eddie felt something loosen in his chest. He breathed easier than he had since that damn lightning strike. 

Buck wasn't out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination, but he was getting there.

*******

It’s a relief when they are all allowed into Buck’s room once he was awake. 

Eddie doesn’t think he’ll ever get over the relief that Buck survived. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if Buck hadn’t been so lucky. 

He would certainly have a long recovery in front of him. But Buck was strong and determined. He would he fine. He would get better. 

They all stream into Buck’s room after he’s awake and has been debriefed about his recovery from the doctors. The air feels lighter than it has in days. 

The room is filled with easy joy and laughter that had been absent while they waited for him to wake up. 

Eddie doesn’t think that he’s been that scared for another person aside from Chris since he lost Shannon. And that terrified him. The thought of losing Buck shouldn’t scare him as much as losing his wife did. There shouldn’t be any easy comparisons to Shannon in his mind. But there was, and Eddie didn’t know what to do with that. So he did what he always did; he shoved it into a box deep inside him, never to be talked about or looked at again. If he thought about Buck like he did Shannon, then that was between him and God一 who was probably also judging him for it. 

Chapter Text

Buck was judging Eddie. First, he asked someone from a call out一 though granted she wasn’t the one that they rescued, and Buck didn’t have much of a leg to stand on in terms of pursuing relationships with people met on calls 一then he asked her to move in with him after only a few months. Which seemed… questionable. Again, Buck couldn’t really judge him, given… well, all of his recent relationships. Still, it wasn’t like Eddie. Not even a full week after she started to move in, Eddie unasked her to move in. And the final cherry on top was Kim. 

He got the worst sense of déjà vu when Kim came to the fire station. 

Buck didn’t know what it was like to see a carbon copy of his dead wife, but he couldn’t imagine that it was good for the psyche. Not to mention that Eddie was cheating on his girlfriend一 whether they were having sex or not, it still wasn’t right. 

Eddie agreed that he was worried about himself after the conversation about Kim only furthered his concern. 

The only problem was that Buck didn’t know how to broach the topic again.

In the end, he didn’t have to. 

His phone lit up with Christopher’s contact. 

He swiped up on the call, pulling the phone to his ear. 

“Chris?” Buck prompted.

“Buck,” Chris’s voice was watery, which sent a spike of worry through him. He was crying. 

“What’s wrong?”

“My mom…” Chris trailed off. “I thought… I saw- but it wasn’t her.”

Kim.

Chris must have seen her. 

If it was trippy for Buck to see her, he couldn’t imagine what it was like for Chris. 

“I’m so sorry, bud,” Buck muttered. “I’ll be over there in a second, okay?”

“Don’t tell Dad I called you,” He pleaded. 

Buck hesitated, debating honoring the plea. He didn’t love keeping things from Eddie, or Chris keeping secrets. But he didn’t want to break the boy’s trust. 

“I won’t,” Buck eventually agreed then added. “Right now at least. I’m going to have to tell your dad something when I get there.” 

“I know,” Chris answered softly. “I just don’t want to talk to him.”

Buck’s heart broke a little at that. He hated Chris and Eddie being at odds. But as much as he wanted to fix this, Chris needed him. So for the moment, he put his care for his best friend to the side to focus on helping Chris. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Buck pushed. 

“Marisol took me to the movies earlier today.” Chris began his voice still unsteady. “And then we came home and Dad… he was kissing my mom.”

Anger flared in Buck, mixing with the concern that had been growing the past few days. It wasn’t that he completely blamed Eddie for everything that happened. He knew that it must have been a difficult situation that Eddie was in. But now Chris was hurting because Eddie wasn’t careful. How could Eddie let that woman into his home, knowing that Chris could come back any time?

Chris took a ragged breath before continuing on. “But it wasn’t Mom. Because she’s gone. She left us. But I thought for a second…”

“Deep breaths, buddy,” Buck reminded gently. “I’m almost to your house.” 

“Okay,” Chris muttered. “I’ll see you.”

“I love you, kid.”

“Love you.” 

Chris hung up just as Buck turned into their neighborhood. 

He chewed his lip as he tried to think of what to say to Eddie. How was he supposed to explain that Chris only wanted to talk to Buck? He arrived at the door too fast. He would stall in his car, but Chris was waiting for him. So it was time to just bite the bullet and head inside.

Buck knocked on the door. He had a key, but it felt wrong to barge into Eddie’s house to talk to his kid while Eddie received the silent treatment. 

Eddie opened the door slowly, peering out of it, no doubt trying to figure out who was there. 

“Buck?” Eddie questioned opening the door to allow him in. “I didn’t think you were coming over tonight.” 

“I wasn’t,” Buck answered apprehensively. “Chris called, actually.”

Eddie’s expression pinched. “Oh,” he sighed. 

“Eds, what happened?” Buck questioned.

“I don’t know.” Eddie huffed, collapsing onto the couch. Buck didn’t join him. “Marisol took Chris and her nephew to the movies. And then Kim came over-”

“You had her here?” Buck confirmed incredulously. 

He already knew that from talking with Chris, but to hear Eddie admit it was another thing. 

“Look, I took her here a few days ago to set things straight,” Eddie explained frantically. “Come clean. But then she came back tonight. And she didn’t just look like Shannon. She was her. I know it sounds crazy, and I can’t really explain it-” he cut himself off. “She was trying to be kind. And then Marisol came in with Chris, and for a second, he thought his mom had come back… I guess I did, too.”

“What did you say?” Buck pushed, trying to assess how much damage control was needed. 

“I mean, he’s 13, not 5. He figured it out. He locked himself in his room and apparently called you.” 

“Listen, Eddie-” Buck started.

“Don’t,” Eddie cut him off. “I know you’re about to apologize but you don’t have too. If there’s anyone I want my kid calling when he won’t talk to me it’s you.” 

“Thank you,” Buck smiled. “I’m assuming he’s in his room?”

Eddie nodded, and Buck gave him one last smile that he hoped was reassuring. 

Buck knocked on Chris’s door. 

“Go away,” Chris called. 

“I thought you wanted me to come?” Buck asked lightheartedly. 

“Buck?” Chris quested apprehensively, like he didn’t trust that it was actually Buck on the other side of the door. 

“It’s me, kid,” Buck promised. 

Buck heard the quiet sound of Chris’s footsteps padding towards the door. Once the door was opened, Chris turned and walked back to his bed without so much as a word. He curled up on his bed, letting the silence linger.

Buck softly closed the door behind him and moved to sit on the bed. 

“How are you holding up?” Buck questioned after a bit. 

“I- I don’t know,” Chris answered softly. “I’m so angry… He- he keeps doing this.”

“Doing what?” Buck pushed gently. 

“Pushing people away. Hurting them… hurting me,” Chris muttered the last part so quietly that Buck almost missed it. 

“He doesn’t mean to.” Buck defended.

Chris huffed. “I know. I just- I liked Ana, and I like Marisol. And they left me. Everyone leaves, and it’s his fault.” 

Buck felt protectiveness for Eddie warring with his protectiveness of Chris. Guilt lingered in the mess as well. After all, it was Buck who encouraged Eddie to break up with Ana. 

The breakup was what was best for Eddie, and in that aspect, Buck stood by what he said. But Chris had gotten attached to her, and her leaving hurt him. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck sighed. He didn’t know how to make this even remotely better for either Chris or Eddie. 

“It’s so frustrating,” Chris continued. “First, my mom left, and then she was back, but she wanted to leave again. Dad doesn’t think I know, but I do. I heard him talking with you about it one night when you thought I was asleep.” He explained when Buck gave him a puzzled look, but barreled on before he could comment. “Then it was Ana. And just when I think that it’s all going to calm down, Marisol moves in and then leaves a week later. But not for good because she still came around. But now she’s gone too. And I know it’s dumb, but for a moment I thought my mom came back. And- and now it’s like she left all over again.” 

“It’s not dumb,” Buck rushed out, pulling the boy into a hug.

“I’m tired of people leaving,” Chris muttered.

“I know it doesn’t fix it, but I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Promise?” Chris confirmed with wide eyes.

“Pinky Promise,” Buck swore, holding up his pinky finger. “What can I do to help right now?”

Chris pulled back slightly and suddenly refused to make eye contact with Buck. 

“Um…” Chris trailed off, fidgeting. 

“Superman?” 

“Can I stay with you?”

Chapter Text

“Stay with me?” Buck repeats questioning. 

“I just- I can’t do this anymore,” Chris muttered, avoiding eye contact. “I need a break from it all.”

“Chris…” Buck trailed off, not really sure what to say. 

“Not forever,” Chris swore. “I just need time. I’m tired of this shit.”

“Chris, language.” Buck admonished more out of habit than anything. 

“I don’t care.” Chris snapped. “I don’t want to be here right now. I just need to get away from all of this, from him. You asked how you could help. This is it.” 

Buck hesitated. He hated the idea of taking Chris from Eddie, but it would only be temporary. And he didn’t know what Chris would do if he said no. Would he call one of his aunts or, worse, his grandparents? 

No, if Chris was going to be anywhere but Eddie’s, then it would have to be with Buck. 

“Okay,” Buck agreed reluctantly. “I’ll talk to your dad about it. And we’ll figure something out.” 

Chris hugged Buck tightly. “Thank you, Buck.” 

“You’re welcome, kid,” Buck answered gently, returning the hug. “We’re going to have to figure out boundaries. Do you think you can deal with a conversation with your dad about it?”

Chris chewed his bottom lip the way that Eddie jokes that he got from Buck. 

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Chris muttered bitterly. 

“Okay, I’m not going to force you.” Buck agreed easily. “But I am going to have to talk to him about this. And I can’t read your mind. So if there are anything rules that you want this arrangement to follow, you have to tell me.”

Buck cared about Eddie and Chris both. He wanted what was best for both of them, and he wanted them to be okay. But at the moment, Eddie was a grown adult who had admittedly fucked up, and Chris was a child who was hurting. Buck had to put his role of not-quite-parent to Chris over his role of best friend 一 and maybe something else that he wasn’t ready to look at quite yet 一 to Eddie. 

Chris nodded, mulling it over. “I don’t want to talk to him for a while.”

“Okay, got that.” Buck forced a slightly apprehensive smile. “Anything else?”

“I dunno.” The boy shrugged. 

“How much information are you okay with me telling him?” 

“I don’t know,” he muttered apprehensively. 

“Weekly general updates good?” Buck confirmed and only continued when Chris nodded. “Is it okay if I explain to Carla what happened? And any school events are going to have to be signed off by your dad. But if you give me the papers, I’ll get him to sign while at work.”

“You can tell Carla.” 

“We’re going to reevaluate in a few weeks. I have no interest in undercutting your father, so don’t expect rules to change much.”

“I know,” Chris huffed. “You’ve always sided with him.” 

“It’s not siding with him, it’s deferring to your parent. And you should be thankful for it because he’s more lenient than I am in some cases.” Buck answered pointedly. “But if that’s everything, why don’t you get ready to go, and I’ll go talk to your dad.”

Chris nodded and allowed Buck to give him a kiss on the forehead before he headed back to the living room. 

Nerves bubbled under Buck’s skin as he headed out into the living room to talk with Eddie. There was no easy way of explaining that Chris wanted to leave, even if it was only temporarily. 

Eddie was on his feet the moment Buck entered the room. “How bad is it?”

“Pretty bad,” Buck winced. “He uh- he asked if he could stay with me.”

“He what?” Eddie gasped, looking like someone swept the rug out from under his feet. 

“He asked-”

“You said no right?” Eddie interrupted. Buck felt his expression pinch. “You said no. Right?”

“Eddie I-” he started awkwardly. “Listen I’m sorry but I couldn’t say no.”

“Are you kidding me?!” 

“Listen, Eddie,” Buck pushed his posture tense. “He’s really upset right now. He was very insistent about staying with me. Do you really want to risk him calling your parents if I said no?” 

Eddie’s hands came up, tensing like he couldn’t decide between punching or strangling Buck. Buck just stared at him. Ready to accept a blow. 

He had always been too willing to accept pain if only it meant the comfort of others. 

So if Eddie needed to hit Buck to cope with his son leaving him, then so be it. 

But as quickly as the anger came, it faded, his hands moving to cover his face. “I’m going to lose him forever. Aren’t I?” 

“No,” Buck rushed forward toward him. His hands were extended toward his best friend. To do what he wasn’t sure. To touch? To comfort? He couldn’t know. “Not if I have anything to say about it. But I think that this might be the best way to make sure that you don’t.”

“I can’t lose him,” Eddie whispered brokenly and Buck felt a part of him break with it. But he had to do this. For Chris. 

“And you won’t,” Buck promised. “We are going to reevaluate in a few weeks.”

“I hate this.” Eddie complained. 

“I know. But it’s only temporary and I’ll give you weekly updates on how he’s doing. I’m going to read Carla in on everything that happened if you don’t have any objections.” 

“Great, just what I need, more people knowing about how much of a fuck up I am.”

“I don’t have to tell her the full truth but I’ve got to tell her something given we’re still going to need her help. But I make no promises as to what Chris will say to her.”

“You can tell her,” Eddie muttered resigned. 

“Okay. I’ve already told Chris that I have no interest in undercutting you, so the rules at my place will be generally the same.” Buck reassured. “But I have to tell you that I don’t intend to make Chris do anything that he doesn’t want to in terms of your relationship. I’m going to force him to talk to you or spend time with you. That is going to have to wait until he is ready.”

Eddie’s face screwed up as if he bit into a lemon, but he didn’t protest. 

“I’m going to go grab Chris,” Buck muttered after a moment of tense silence. 

Buck disappeared into the hallway, returning a moment later holding Chris’s backpack. Chris’s crutches clacked on the floor as he followed Buck into the living room. 

“You got everything?” Eddie questioned tensely.

“If he forgot anything, I’ll just grab it for him at work,” Buck answered when it was clear Chris wasn’t going to. 

Chris didn’t protest when Eddie pulled him into a hug a moment later. He didn’t return the hug either. 

“I love you,” Eddie muttered, pulling back after kissing the top of his head. Chris stared at Buck resolutely not looking at his father. “You’re not even going to look at me?” 

“No,” he whispered. 

Eddie kneeled down trying to catch his son’s eyes. 

“I know you’re angry but you need to listen to me. I love you no matter what,” he promised desperately. “You want to go with Buck? Okay. I hate it but I love you. So I’m letting you go. But you can always come back. 5 minutes or 5 months from now, you can come back. Just say the word. Okay?”

“Okay, Dad,” Chris answered, still avoiding his eyes. 

“Okay,” Eddie repeated, standing up and just looking at his son for a moment. “Okay.”

Chris looked to Buck as if asking if they could leave. Buck nodded and sent Eddie an apologetic look as he followed the boy out to his car. 

*******

The ride home was tense. Neither party said a word the entire time. Buck had simply watched to make sure that Chris got situated properly before climbing into the driver’s seat and pulling out into the street. 

The ride back was familiar after years of traveling it. Buck didn’t really have to think about where he was going. 

Which gave room for lingering anxiety about his entire situation.

What if he wasn’t a good carer? What if Chris hated it with him and went to his grandparents anyways?

He had worried that he wouldn’t be good enough to care for Chris since he first got that phone call from the social worker 3 years ago. 

Worried that Eddie would finally see what a fuck up he was and change his will. 

It was done without his knowledge, but now that he knew about it, the thought of it being changed was devastating. He had to be good at this. 

He couldn’t let either of them down. 

Once they arrived back at Buck’s loft, he grabbed Chris’s bag for him and helped the boy out of the car. He took special care to not baby him. To only help with what was needed. 

They moved in silence. Chris wasn’t in a chatty mood, and they had done this enough that they didn’t need words. 

Once in the loft Chris curled up in the armchair as Buck set up the pull-out bed. Much to his mother’s dismay, he had insisted on the couch she bought him after the lightning strike be one that converted into a bed for when Eddie or Chris stayed the night.

“Alright, Superman, time for bed,” Buck said once the bed was set up. 

“Okay,” He muttered, climbing into the bed and curling up under the covers. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Buck sighed, placing a kiss to his curls. 

“Goodnight, Buck.” 

“Night, Chris.” 

Chapter Text

Buck calls Carla first thing the following morning. Thankfully, it was both a weekend and Buck’s day off, so she would have time to adjust. 

Anxiety twisted in his gut as the phone rang. 

What if this was a mistake?

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t take care of a kid. 

Babysit for a few hours, sure. 

Help him through bedtime routine under Eddie’s watchful eye, absolutely. 

But being the sole caregiver?

Before he could panic further, Carla’s warm voice interrupted his thoughts. “Good morning, Buckaroo. To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“Carla, I think I fucked up.” Buck started frantically. “I don’t know if I can do this. What if I make everything worse? What if he starts hating me? Oh god, what if he goes to Texas anyway? Eddie would kill me. I’m going to fuck up, and then they both are going to hate me. God, why did I do this? I-”

“Buck,” Carla interrupted. “Slow down. Eddie would never hate you. What’s happened?”

Buck took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Okay. So a bit ago, Eddie somehow wound up running into an exact lookalike of Shannon. And in true Eddie fashion, he starts cheating on Marisol with her. Then she comes into the fire station looking for him, and I meet her. So I talk to him and tell him to break it off. Which he does… At his house. And then, for some reason, last night she decided that it was a good idea to show up at his house dressed exactly like his dead wife that he just told her about. Then Chris came home early and caught them. So he called me freaked out, and then asked me if he could come stay with me. I said yes, and now I’m half convinced I’m going to screw this all up.”

“Okay, that’s… a lot.” Carla sighed, sounding exasperated. “But, Buck, you’re great with that kid. You’re going to be fine.”

“But-”

“No buts,” Carla cut him off. “You’re only going to stress yourself by getting into your own head. Now let’s talk logistics.” 

Buck sighed before agreeing. 

*******

They were able to work out the logistics decently quickly. Once he was off the phone with Carla he headed downstairs to get Chris up and some food into him. 

Chis was already awake when Buck got down there, playing something on his phone.

“Morning,” Buck greeted. “How did you sleep?”

“Okay,” Chris muttered. 

“How are you holding up?” Buck pushed. 

“Fine,” the boy muttered. 

Buck sighed but decided to leave it be at least for the moment. He didn’t want to push him too far. 

“Eggs for breakfast sound good?” Buck confirmed. 

Chris nodded, and Buck got to work making food. 

The morning passed in a comfortable rhythm. Buck had been over at the Diaz house for breakfast enough that it was a long-familiar routine. 

Buck missed Eddie’s presence on the sleepy morning. He missed Eddie just sitting on the counter and stealing the strawberries that Buck had cut up. 

He wanted all three of them together doing this as a family. 

But that thought led dangerously close to territory that he wasn’t ready to face yet. So he shoved it aside and continued to take care of the Diaz that was with him. 

Once breakfast was done, they set about trying to give Chris as much privacy as possible. It was difficult to do give because there were no closed-off rooms. The closest it had was the upstairs bedroom, which wasn’t accessible for Chris. 

Eventually, they decided on setting up curtains across the living room, which would operate as Chris’s room. 

By the time they got back from the store and Chris’s ‘bedroom’ was closed off with blackout curtains, it was late afternoon.  

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨: Hello, Evan, are we still on for tonight?

Evan: Shit I totally forgot smth came up

Evan: Rain check??

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨:  You forgot? What came up? Surely, you can get out of it.

Evan: Sorry

Evan: everything’s been crazy 

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨:  What’s so important that you have to cancel?

Evan: I can’t really talk about it

Evan: sorry again

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨:  Fine. 

Guilt crept up into his throat. He didn’t like having to cancel on Tommy but it was Carla’s day off, so he couldn’t ask for her to watch Chris. And Eddie definitely wasn’t an option. 

With a soft sigh, he powered his phone off and slipped it back into his pocket. At the end of the day, it wasn’t his place to tell anyone about the Chris and Eddie situation. 

Tommy didn’t text him for the rest of the day. Buck couldn’t say he was particularly surprised, given how upset Tommy had seemed over the canceled plans. But he was at least expecting a text about when they could rain check their date. 

He had tried to ignore it, but anxiety lingered in the corners of his mind. Not taking up all his thoughts, just there enough to put him on edge. 

Evan: sorry again about having to cancel today

Evan: do you have any time soon we can make it up

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨:  I don’t know, Evan. When will you be done with this mysterious thing you can’t talk about?

Evan: idk

Evan: I can make time soon it’s just i didn’t have time to take care of everything today because of how hectic it’s been 

Evan: I work tmmr but we could do smth in the afternoon the day after

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨: Sure.

Evan: like 2 work?

Tommy ♥️👨‍❤️‍👨 liked ‘like 2 work?’

With that settled, Buck was able to settle into a comfortable evening. He found that pretending like he was just babysitting for each portion of the day lessened the anxiety of being Chris’s sole caregiver. 

He had done morning routine and breakfast with Chris several times. Granted normally Eddie was there if he needed backup. But the routine was familiar enough that he managed. It also helped that Chris was older now and needed less support in his morning exercises. 

Lunch and afternoon was the hardest because aside from when Eddie was working at dispatch, Eddie would be there. And if he was there during the day they would normally go out. But he managed. 

He was over at the Diaz house for dinner and bedtime more than he was at the loft. So all the motions were familiar. 

Now, if he could get rid of the traitorous part of his brain that wished that he was doing all of these domestic tasks with Eddie. 

*******

Buck gets through the next shift with minimal awkwardness. He didn’t want to explain to the entire station everything that went down with Kim. Other than Eddie quietly asking how Chris was while they were changing alone in the locker room, and Buck answering that he was okay, neither party said anything about the change in arrangements. 

If the others caught on to the slight tension, they didn’t comment on it. 

By the time he got home after his shift, Chris was halfway done getting ready for school. 

He gave both Chris and Carla a hug once he was inside. 

“How did yesterday go?” Buck questioned as he set about making himself something simple for breakfast, as he hadn’t gotten to eat before the end of his shift. 

“Good,” Chris shrugged. 

“Everything went fine,” Carla confirmed. 

Buck smiled and sighed in relief. “It wasn’t too inaccessible here?”

“There were some challenges, but we managed.” Carla answered.

“Anything I can fix?” Buck sighed, knowing the answer was likely a no. 

Carla shook her head sadly. 

“I’m fine.” Chris insisted. 

Buck put his hands up in surrender. “I never said you weren’t. I just know that a loft isn’t the most accessible. Hell I hate climbing those stairs after a long shift.”

Chris’s posture relaxed a little. “Sorry I didn’t mean to snap.”

“You’re all good.”

“You ready to head to school?” Carla questioned.

“Yeah, I’ve got everything I need.” 

“Buck, are you picking him up from school or do I need to?”

“I’ve got it. Love you, Chris.”

Buck gave Chris a hug and kiss on the forehead before taking his half-finished bowl of dry cereal up to his room. 

It wasn’t long after that he fell asleep. 

His alarm woke him up from his much-needed nap at about 1 o’clock. He debated just turning it off and sleeping more. But not only did he have a date that he had already postponed once, but also if he slept much later, he wouldn’t be able to sleep much that night. So he groggily forced himself out of bed and started to get ready for the date. 

It took him way longer than he wanted to admit to get ready for his date. He just wanted to look good. 

He arrived at the little coffee shop that didn’t have any of the sweet drinks Buck liked, but they went to anyway because Tommy liked it. 

They did have muffins that were somewhat tolerable, so he bought one and grabbed them a table. 

Tommy showed up at 2 o’clock on the dot and ordered a black coffee.

“How’s your week been?” Tommy asked, sitting down with his coffee. There was an edge to his voice that Buck couldn’t quite place but didn’t like. “Anything interesting?”

“Oh, nothing much,” Buck brushed off carefully. 

“Hmm,” Tommy hummed disbelieving. “I had just figured there was some story after you canceled the other day.”

“I- I mean yeah, it that was something, but like I said, I can’t really talk about it.” 

“Why not?”

“It’s not really my story to tell,” Buck mumbled. “Anyways, what about you? Any weird calls?” 

“There was this one call,” Tommy nodded, though he was still giving Buck a strange look. 

Buck tried to pay attention to the story. He really did. But his brain wouldn’t focus on the words Tommy was saying. So he just nodded at what he hoped was the appropriate times. 

His phone chimed from his lap. 

Superman 🦸: School lunch is nasty

honorary father: are you supposed to be on your phone rn

Superman 🦸: its lunch 🙄

Buck chuckled. That boy had definitely inherited his dad’s sass. 

honorary father: doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be on your phone

honorary father: I’m sorry that the food isn’t good eat as much as you can and I’ll get you a snack when I pick you up

Superman 🦸: thx

honorary father: ily

Superman 🦸: omg you’re so sappy

Superman 🦸: ily2

Buck shook his head, tucking his phone back into his pocket.  

“Who was that?” Tommy asked. 

“Oh, just Chris,” he shrugged. 

“Sure,” Tommy relied with a pinched expression. “Why would he be texting you in the middle of a school day? You’re not his father.”

“I know,” Buck answered. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Why not text Eddie?” Tommy pushed. “I’m assuming he doesn’t work today because you normally are on the same shift.”

“I don’t know.” Buck lied. 

They lingered in a tense silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

“Are you cheating on me?” Tommy broke the silence. 

Buck choked on his water. “What!?” 

“You are. Man, I should have known…” he shook his head ruefully. “I mean you’re keeping secrets. Canceling dates.”

“It was one date. That doesn’t mean I’m cheating.”

“And the text?”

“I told you it was Chris. Look, I’ll show you.” Buck clicked into the text conversation and turned his phone so that Tommy could see. “See. It’s just him complaining about the school lunch. And I’m picking him up today.”

“Why?” 

“Oh, my god,” Buck muttered incredulously. “Something came up with Eddie and so I’m picking him up. It’s not a big deal I pick him up from school all the time.”

“But you’re not his father.”

“I know that.” Buck huffed, wondering why Tommy was so stuck on this.  “But Eds is a single dad, so I like to help out sometimes.”

“You don’t have to raise someone else’s kid.” 

“I’m not. I’m helping my best friend.” Buck defended, anger flaring. “Can we just drop this. I’m not cheating, and I really wish that you would trust me.” 

“Fine,” Tommy huffed. 

The date passed in tense silence till it was time for Buck to go pick Chris up. 

He left without even a hug.

*******

Buck stops at the Mexican bakery by Chris’s school to get the concha that he knows Chris likes.

Chris rushed out to the jeep as soon as Buck got there, drawn out by the promise of some actually edible food. 

“Hey, Buck,” Chris grinned.

“Hi, Superman.” Buck smiled back, his stress about Tommy melting away in favor of taking care of Chris. “I’ve got a treat for you.”

He passes the concha back to the boy. His eyes light up when he recognizes the packaging. 

“Thank you!”

“Of course,” Buck sent one last smile over his shoulder before heading out of the school parking lot. “How was your day?”

“Good. We learned about volcanoes in science!” Chris answered excitedly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Did you know that the name volcano comes from the Roman god of fire, Vulcan?”

“I didn’t.” 

“And there are different types of volcanoes. Some are really tall, but some are really wide. Those look like a shield was lying on the ground.” 

“That’s cool,” he nodded as Chris continued to ramble about what he had learned that day. 

The drive home didn’t take long. Or at least it didn’t feel long. In all actuality, his loft is further from the school than Eddie’s. 

They gathered their stuff and headed up to the loft. Once there Chris set up his homework on the kitchen table and Buck got started on making dinner. 

There was a comfortable silence that settled over the apartment as they did their separate tasks. 

By the time dinner was finished and bedtime was done the anxiety he had over watching over Chris for the foreseeable future had diminished slightly. Chris seemed to like it here. He was handling the accessibility challenges that appeared. And most importantly, Chris was still here in LA instead of 800 miles away with Eddie’s family. 

He still didn’t know what he did to deserve this family with Eddie and Chris. Sometimes he thinks that he doesn’t deserve it, and one day the universe will realize it and rip it from him. 

But for now, he had their trust, and he was going to do everything in his power to keep that. 

Chapter Text

The first major hurtle, unsurprisingly, didn't come from Chris. Sure it was an adjustment to have Chris living there. Especially given that he basically no longer had a living room. But they made do.

Buck bought two beanbag chairs that he positioned where the now deconstructed kitchen table was. They ate together at the kitchen island for each meal that they were home together.

Gatherings had never really been at his house so it worked out.

Chris had his own private space in the curtained off living room. And Buck had his in the upstairs loft.

So Buck was doing considerably better at being a parent guardian than he thought. And Chris was a wonderful kid.

The first major complication didn't come from Chris but instead his father.

Eddie was falling apart. There was no other way of putting it. Despite managing the first shift decently the longer Chris was with Buck the harder things got. By Sunday when it was time for a debrief things were almost unbearable.

After getting off at 24 together they both loaded up in their respective vehicles and headed to Eddie's house.

They walked in silence into the house. Eddie busied himself with making coffee. As much as he wanted to know that Chris was doing okay he was hesitant to bring the topic up.

"How have you been holding up?" Buck checked in, because despite having worked with him, he hadn't actually talked to him all that much.

"I hate this," Eddie sighed his shoulders slumping. "I miss him."

"I'm sorry," Buck sighed, wishing there was a way that he could make this all better for the both of them.

"Why?" Eddie muttered bitterly. "It's my fault, after all."

"Eds don't." Buck protested. "You made an mistake. Admittedly a pretty big one. But that doesn't mean that you can't miss your son."

"How's he been?"

"Good. He's handling the accessibility challenges at the loft really well. We've got the living room curtained off for him. He got an A on his book report."

"Is he doing his math homework?" Eddie pushed. "You know he hates it."

"Which is why I help him with it first," Buck answered with a pointed look. "The same way that I have for ages."

Eddie ignored the look.

"And he's eating enough? He gets fussy with food when he's stressed."

Buck tried to suppress a sigh. "It's been mostly comfort food this week. But he'll adjust. And you know that I wouldn't let him go without eating."

"Right, sorry." Eddie muttered.

"Have you been eating?" Buck pushed.

It was Eddie's turn to sigh. "Yes, Buck. You've seen me at like half of my meals."

"Right…" he trailed off.

An awkward silence descended on them. It was never like this. Not with Eddie. But there was a wedge between them. He wanted to be there for Eddie but he didn't know how when he was the one causing the pain. Well, it wasn't really his fault. He was just helping Chris. But it doing so it pit him against Eddie.

"Chris has a doctor's appointment this week." Eddie reminded after a few minutes. "I've got you as the secondary contact so they should let you take him."

"Okay," Buck nodded. "I've got it."

There is another moment of tense silence. "Hey Buck," Eddie interrupts. "Tell Chris I love him."

*******

When Buck gets home Carla and Chris are sitting at the kitchen island eating breakfast.

"Hey, Buckaroo." Carla called as he shut the door behind him and set his keys into the bowl by the door — if he didn't leave them there he would lose them forever.

"Hey guys," Buck greeted fondly walking over to drop a kiss onto the top of Chris's head. "How's my favorite kid."

"Stop being sappy," Chris complained playfully.

"No, it was a long shift and I'm tired." Buck answered. "So you get sappy Buck till I get a nap."

"Then sleep," Chris shrugged.

"Food then sleep," Carla demanded.

Buck groaned. "You're Chris's carer not mine."

"That's not important. I made you a plate it's in the microwave."

"Thank you," Buck rolled his eyes but grabbed the plate from the microwave anyway.

"That's what I thought," Carla bragged sounding distinctly smug.

"So Chris," Buck started carefully picking at his food. "I- uh- I talked to your dad today."

Chris didn't say anything. Just chewed on his bottom lip.

"You've got a doctor's appointment next week." Buck informed.

"I remember," the boy answered his voice tense.

"Good… good." Buck hesitated. "He also told me to remind you that he loves you."

"I know…"

Carla sent both of them a sympathetic glance. Things had been great with Chris but they still couldn't talk about Eddie or Kim without it getting unbearably tense.

Buck finishes eating without another word.

"Go sleep," Carla instructed. "I'll hang out with Chris while you do."

"Are you sure?"

"Buckley have you ever known me to offer something I wasn't sure I wanted to do?"

"No," Buck sighed resigned.

"That's what I thought."

Buck nodded and gave both Carla and Chris a hug before heading upstairs to get some sleep.

*******

Buck, thankfully, had the day of Chris' doctor's appointment off. His shift got done at 8 that morning.

By the time that he got him Chris was already at school for the day and Carla had already headed home.

As much as he loved Chris he was glad that the boy was already at school. It was a long shift, though there weren't any particularly bad calls during it. But he was dead tired.

So with a mental note to thank Bobby for feeding them before the end of the shift he collapsed into his bed and was asleep in minutes.

A too short 4 hours later his alarm when off. He contemplated just turning off the alarm and going back to sleep. But he needed to take Chris to his doctor's appointment.

He was able to pick Chris up from the school with no problem. Lilly, the school receptionist for the past 3 years, had greeted him warmly. Once she confirmed that Chris was supposed to be pulled out early she paged the boy and they were on their way.

Chris was grouchy during the car ride. This was a new doctor and they were going to have to do a blood draw. Which meant fasting.

So Buck had a hangry pre-teen in his car. But Buck had dealt with much worse so he just tried to get them to through the appointment as quickly as possible so he could get some food into Chris.

"Good afternoon," Buck greeted the bored looking nurse at the front desk.

"Name of the appointment?" he question not looking up from what he was typing on the computer.

"We're here for Christopher Diaz." Buck answered. "It should be a new patent appointment."

"His insurance card and your ID." Buck handed over both and there was a few seconds of typing. "His insurance says that his father is a Edmundo Diaz? Are you the step father?"

"No," Buck answered quickly. "No. I'm just a family friend."

"Unfortunately we can't let you back there then."

"That's not right," Buck muttered. "I should be down as the secondary contact."

"This office does not allow anyone but family back with a child."

"His dad can't make it today."

"Well then it looks like you'll have to reschedule."

"Please. We're already here."

"Sorry sir," He shrugged looking more disinterested than apologetic. "I'll have to cancel today's appointment. Have his dad reschedule for a day he can be bothered to show up."

"Fine." Buck snapped before turning and walking Chris back out to the car. "I'm sorry, Superman."

"Not you're fault," the teen muttered.

"Let's get you some food and then we can just take the rest of the day at the loft. Sound good?"

"Yeah."

Buck sent off a quick text to Eddie about the canceled appointment and they went on their way.

*******

Buck and Tommy met at a local lunch spot a few days later. Everything was going wonderful. Tommy had apparently forgotten his annoyance at the earlier date being canceled.

Or everything was going wonderful until Buck's phone rang. Tommy looked annoyed at the interruption. Buck sent him an apologetic look as he glanced at who it was fully intending to send it to voice mail.

Eddie's contact flashed on his screen.

Shit.

"It's Eddie." Buck explained. "I've got to take this."

Buck headed out the restaurant without giving Tommy a chance to respond.

"Buck," Eddie started the moment the call went through. His voice sounded panicked. "The school just called."

"Shit, is everything okay?" Buck questioned.

"Apparently Chris got into a fight at school."

"He what?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't tell me much over the phone."

"Okay I'll get him."

"Thank you," Eddie muttered.

"Of course Eds," Buck nodded. "Don't worry. I'll make sure he's okay."

The call disconnected and Buck headed back to his and Tommy's table. He wasn't excited to tell Tommy that he would have to leave. The man looked annoyed enough about Buck having to take a phone call, but this was the second time something with Chris staying with him had affected their dates.

Yeah, he wasn't looking forward to telling him. But if he could tell Eddie that he was taking his kid to live with him for a bit then he could tell Tommy he had to leave.

"I have to go." Buck mutter apologetically upon returning to the table.

"Why?"

"I can't really say…" Buck trailed off. He didn't like keeping things from Tommy but Eddie had made it clear that he didn't want many people to know about the situation.

"Well, you're running out on our date so I think I'm owed a explanation."

"Tommy, I'm sorry," Buck sighed. "I'm not trying to keep things from you."

"You're not doing a very good job at not."

Buck huffed. "I have to do pick Chris up. Something happened at school."

"Don't you think it's weird how much Eddie makes you do things for Chris."

"This is why I didn't want to tell you," Buck muttered. "No. I don't think it's weird. Especially because Eddie isn't making me do anything. I like helping out."

"Still. You don't have kids." Tommy refused to let it go. "You don't have to tie yourself down to going to school things, and listening to him complain about school and picking him up."

"I'm not tying myself down." Buck defended. "You're acting like kids are such a big burden and I happen to love them. So. Let's just drop it."

For the send time that day he walked away before Tommy can rely.

*******

It should be noted for the record that Buck did in fact manage to follow the rules of the road. Barely, but he did.

He tried to collect himself before addressing the school receptionist. "Hello, I'm here for Christopher Diaz."

"Mr. Buckley." Lilly, greeted seeming surprised to see him. "I'm sorry but you can't collect him."

"What? No, that's not right." Buck protested. "I'm on the approved pick up list."

"You are." She agreed. "And if this was a normal day you would be allowed to. However because of the situation we need a parent to collect."

"That doesn't make any sense." he protested.

"I'm sorry sir. But because you are not a parent we can not give you any additional information about him. His dad will have to pick him up."

"Fine," Buck sighed returning to his car.

He texted Eddie that he would have to be the one to pick up Chris and with nothing else to do headed back to the loft to wait for them.

Chapter Text

Eddie felt a little like the world was ending. Or at least his world was.

His son had left. Made one phone call and disappeared into the night. Chris wouldn't talk to him. Now he was living with Buck.

And in the same phone call he lost his best friend. He knew that he was the one stopping them from continuing to be friends. He was the one pulling away. But he couldn't be around Buck without the pain of that night returning ten-fold.

He was glad that it was Buck that Chris had called. He didn't think he could handle Chris calling his parents and moving to Texas. If Chris was going to go Buck's was the best place for him too.

But that was the problem. Chris going.

The guilt was suffocating him. If he had just never spoken to Kim. If he would've called things off earlier. If he never took her to his house then he wouldn't be in this mess.

He would still have his two favorite people in his life.

But now he was utterly alone.

It was the middle of a four off when he got the call.

His phone flashed the number of Chris's school. He hastily answered it and held the phone to his ear.

"Eddie Diaz?" The familiar voice of Lilly called from the other end of the line.

"Yes?"

"I'm calling from Durand. There's been a fight and we need a parent to pick up Christopher."

"Is he okay?" Eddie questioned quickly.

"He is fine. Unfortunately I can't give anymore information over the phone."

"Okay…" he mumbled. "Okay. I'll take care of it."

"We'll see you shortly."

The line went dead and Eddie anxiously switched into Buck's contact.

He paced the living room as he waited for Buck to answer. He felt a little bad because he knew Buck was on a date with Tommy. But he needed someone to get Chris and he didn't expect going himself would end well.

"Buck," Eddie started the moment he heard the call go through. "The school just called."

"Shit, is everything okay?" Buck questioned.

"Apparently Chris got into a fight at school." Eddie answered. He barely believed it.

"He what?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't tell me much over the phone."

"Okay I'll get him."

"Thank you," Eddie muttered.

"Of course Eds," Buck nodded. "Don't worry. I'll make sure he's okay."

Eddie disconnected the call. For a moment Eddie just stood in his living room. He felt vaguely sick to his stomach. He wanted to make sure that his kid was okay. But he wasn't sure how well reaching out would go.

So he just waited for Buck to text him and update him.

*******

It wasn't much later when Eddie got a text from Buck. But instead of the expected text about Chris being fine and it was all a big misunderstanding. He got a text telling him that the school wouldn't let him pick Chris up.

He felt the beginnings of a headache forming. Great, exactly what he didn't need.

He made his way to the school, barely keeping his sanity intact. He hated driving in LA on the best of days. But when he was already stressed it was all he could do to not slam into the car in front of him.

The car had barely stopped moving before Eddie was out and heading into the school.

"Eddie," Lilly greeting warmly. "You're here for Christopher?"

She said it like a question even though she must have known why he was there.

"Yes." Eddie agreed, voice tense. "I was told there was a fight. What happened? Is he okay?"

"The teachers did not see the beginning of the fight, however the students that were around claimed that Christopher started the fight. He is okay. As you know our school has zero tolerance for violence. Because of this Chris will receive a week long in school suspension. This is his first strike so after the suspension assuming that he doesn't cause anymore issues he'll be allowed back into class."

"Oh…" Eddie trailed off. "Okay."

"I'll go get him."

He stood awkwardly in the entry hall, waiting for Chris to come out.

Thankfully it wasn't long before the teen followed the receptionist out.

Eddie rushed over to him. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Chris muttered.

"What happened?"

Chris shrugged, trying to avoid eye contact with his father.

"They said you started it?" Eddie pushed leaning down to try and make eye contact. "That's not like you."

"You wouldn't know what was 'like me' you haven't been paying attention."

"Chris- I…" Eddie started.

"Some dick said some stuff about my condition. So I hit him." He said. "At least I didn't wind up in jail for it."

"I- I don't even know where to begin." the father muttered. "First language. Second how do you know about that."

"I overheard Carla say something about it. Didn't know you wanted to keep it a secret."

"Okay we'll talk about the eavesdropping later." Eddie huffed. "Let's just get you to Buck's."

Chris shrugged again and headed out to the car. He refused Eddie's help when offered, demanding to do it himself. Chris had always been independent but it was obvious to Eddie that he was in more pain than normal. Still the patented Diaz stubbornness won out and he got situated by himself.

*******

The car ride to Buck's loft was painfully silent. Chris wouldn't say a word to his dad.

When they got up to the loft Buck was pacing waiting for them.

Chris barely made it through the door before Buck had him wrapped up in a hug that Chris sunk into. A spark of jealousy flared in Eddie. His son was barely talking to him but would immediately accept comfort from Buck. A man that he wouldn't even know if it wasn't for his job.

If it had to be anyone he was glad that it was Buck. He had been a father— whether Buck called himself that or not — to Chris for years. And Eddie wanted his son to have that comfort. But also wanted to be one of the ones offering it.

It felt a little unfair that the man who was one of the youngest on the team was fathering HIS kid.

"Are you okay?" Buck fretted. "What happened?"

Chris shot Eddie a long look before returning his gaze to Buck. "Later."

Buck nodded. "Okay kiddo, why don't you go cool down in your room while I talk to Eddie for a moment."

Chris nodded and disappeared into the curtained off area in the living room.

Eddie was vaguely aware that Chris would likely still be able to hear them.

"All I know is that he started a fight with a classmate because they said something about his CP. He's got in school suspension for a week. Oh, and also apparently he knows about when I got arrested."

Concern took over Buck's face. "Okay… Do you know why the school wouldn't let me pick him up?"

"No." Eddie sighed. Just what he needed another reminder that Buck was the one taking care of his kid. "They didn't mention it. My assumption is that they wanted to make sure home discipline happened as well and didn't trust the message to get passed on."

Buck chewed on his lower lip. Eddie's eyes tracked the movement before he quickly forced himself to look way.

"Hopefully we won't run into more issues like this." Buck nodded.

They wouldn't have any of these issues if Chris hadn't left. If Eddie hadn't screwed everything up.

"Yeah…" Eddie trailed off. He didn't want to leave the proximity to his favorite people but he also knew that he wasn't exactly welcome.

"I'll see you, Friday," Buck offered

Eddie nodded once and headed back to his truck. He just had to hope that Buck would be able to handle whatever was going on.

*******

Eddie is on shift when he gets the call from his parents. He has half a mind to ignore it. He had enough to deal with without adding Helena Diaz to the mix.

But he knew that all hell would break lose if he didn't so he moved to the corner of the loft for some privacy and a place to pace.

"Hi, mom," Eddie answered trying to hide his frustration.

"Edmundo," she answered. "How is Chris?"

"I'm great, mom thanks for asking." Eddie huffed pinching the bridge of his nose. "Chris is good."

"I just worry is all." Helena continued. "He's so far from all of his family. He needs support with his CP."

"He has support, mom." he reminded forcefully. "And he also has family here. Or should I tell Tia Pepa that she isn't family anymore?"

"Oh, Edmundo you know that's not what I meant." Eddie could practically hear his mother's eye roll over the phone. "Don't do putting words into your mother's mouth."

"Sorry," Eddie sighed. "I guess I'm just on edge. What can I do for you?"

"When are you two going to visit next?"

"I'm not sure," Eddie answered apprehensively. How could he plan to take Chris to El Paso when the boy wasn't even talking to him. Summer was rapidly approaching and Chris's stay with Buck had no end in sight. "I'll have to look at our schedule."

"Don't give me that," his mother admonished. "That's what you say when you aren't planning on getting back to me."

"Mom, that isn't what I'm trying to do. It's just… complicated."

"Honestly how complicated can it be?" Helena snapped. "It's your family. We miss you two. I haven't seen my grandchild in forever. Don't you want him to keep his family ties."

"Don't do that, mom." Eddie pleaded. "Of course I want him to keep family ties. I just- like I said it's complicated."

"Oh, yes, asking for a week off when Chris doesn't have camp must be very difficult." His mother muttered bitterly.

"It's not just that, mom." Eddie answered feeling his patience wearing thin. He did not want to tell his mom about Chris going to stay with Buck.

"It just hurts, Edmundo," Helena started her voice watery. "To have a son who doesn't care about maintaining a relationship."

"I do care," Eddie defended.

"You sure do have a funny way of showing it."

"Please don't do this." He pleaded. "I promise I'll try to figure it out. It's just… there's a lot going on right now."

"Like what?"

"It's nothing."

"So nothing is stopping you from seeing your parents."

"Nothing for you to worry about." Eddie amended.

"Well if it's about my grandson than I think I will worry about it."

Eddie couldn't help but notice her only mentioning Chris in that. Like if it was only him struggling she wouldn't care. But her precious grandchild was involved so she did.

"Mom."

"Tell me." She snapped. "Tell me why you are keeping me from my family."

"Something happened…" Eddie trailed off. He didn't want to explain this to her but he didn't feel like he had much of a choice. "A few weeks ago I met a woman. Mom, when I tell you she looked exactly like Shannon… They could've been twins. And then she had come over and Chris got home earlier than I expected…"

"Even dead that gringa is causing issues."

"Don't." Eddie snapped. "This isn't her fault."

"It's yours." She jabbed.

"He said he needed space so he's staying with Buck." he continued ignoring her jab. He knew that he was the one hurting Chris this time.

"Buck?"

"Yes, mom. Buck. You know him. My best friend… You met him when we were on our way back to LA after the wildfires."

"Christopher is staying with some random man?" She repeated affronted.

"Not some random man." the firefighter sighed. "My best friend. He's been there for me and Chris for years."

"Why didn't you call us?" Helena pushed. "We could have taken him."

"I didn't want to uproot him. He has an entire life here."

"You've already uprooted him once. All for some gringa. I don't see why this would be different."

"That is not the reason we moved out here."

"Edmundo, that boy need stability that you obviously can't provide him. He should be with family."

"He is." Eddie insisted. "Buck is our family."

"Edmundo, surely you know it is not appropriate for another man to be raising him. He need's to be with real family. It's bad enough the boy doesn't have a mother. Men can't raise children."

"I've been raising him for years."

"And now he's living with some random man." Helena condescended.

Anger threatened to boil over. He hated this. Hated how quickly his mom got under his skin.

"Edmundo, please see sense. Let him come stay with us. He'll have a father and mother's love. I don't want to go to extremes but I have to do what's best for Christopher."

Eddie's blood ran cold. "What extremes?"

"Well, given that he's not even staying with you I'm sure the courts would agree that it's better for him to be with actual family."

"You wouldn't." he breathed.

"I don't want to."

"I- I can't do this. I've got to go." Eddie hung up the phone hurriedly.

His eyes scanned the loft. Buck was looking at him with concern in his gaze.

Eddie raced over to him.

"What's wrong?" Buck questioned.

"My mom," Eddie groaned in response. His best friend gave him a sympathetic look. "She knows about you keeping Chris."

"How?"

"I had to tell her." he explained frustration from the conversation seeping into his words. "She kept asking me why we couldn't schedule something for the summer. So eventually I just had to tell her that I couldn't do that right now because Chris isn't even staying with me. And then she had some… less than complementary things to say about it."

"Chris isn't staying with you?" Chim's voice called from the top of the stairs. Both Buck and Eddie had been too wrapped up in their conversation to see him approaching.

Chim for his part seemed to realized that this wasn't the time and gave him an apologetic look. But the damage was already done. Hen and Cap were over in the kitchen. And while they had been too far from them to hear the conversation earlier they had definately heard Chim. And now everyone in the loft was looking at him expectantly.

Great exactly what he needed. More people knowing what a failure of a parent he was.

"Do you want me to explain?" Buck questioned seeming to read his expression.

"I'd like for the ground to swallow me up right about now." Eddie muttered low enough that only Buck could hear.

"It's a long story?" Buck offered to the group hoping to get them out of explaining this.

No one looked deterred.

"We've got time." Bobby dismissed rounding the kitchen island and gesturing toward the couch.

Eddie contemplated incurring the wrath of the team by saying the q-word. Not that he believed that it was actually cursed but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Eddie collapsed onto the couch. Buck sat next to him leaning to his friend in a show of support.

"Okay…" Buck sighed trying to decide on how to phrase this cluster fuck of a situation. "So. Eddie met this woman. Kim. And she looked exactly like Shannon. I'm talking like doesn't just look vaguely like her; like I wouldn't be able to tell them apart if they were standing next to one another. Anyway… Eds started spending time with her and taking her on dates because…" Buck gives Eddie a significant look. "He needs therapy."

Eddie glared. "Not helping."

"I'm just saying." He defended.

"Anyway." Eddie huffed taking over telling the story. "Kim had run into Buck and he talked some sense into me. So I broke things off expectingfor that to be the end of it. And it was… until she showed up at my house."

"You took your dead wife's clone to your house where your son is?" Chim clarifies giving Eddie a look that made him wish that he could disappear.

"He wasn't there when I brought her." Eddie defended. "It was while he was at school. She wasn't supposed to come back. But she did. She cut her hair and dressed like Shannon. Chris walked in on us…"

"Doing what?" Hen demands.

"Hugging," Eddie huffed. "She was trying to give me closure. Told me to tell her what I wanted to say to Shannon. I- I don't know I just got lost in the fantasy of being able to talk to her again. And then Chris came in and saw us. He called Buck."

"Of course I came running." Buck took back over telling the story. "And when I went to check on him he was really upset. He asked if he could stay with me. And I figured that it was better for him to stay with me than risk him calling his grandparents."

Hen and Chim traded a meaningful glance that Eddie couldn't make sense of.

"I can't imagine how hard seeing Kim must have been for you." Bobby muttered sympathetically. "You know, Eddie, think Buck has a point about going back to therapy."

"I'm not sure therapy is right for me…" Eddie brushed off.

"But illegal fight rings and your kid walking in on you with your dead wife is?" Hen pressed.

Eddie flinched. "The fight ring was a long time ago."

"And about the same issue." Buck pointed out. "That and the lawsuit."

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest feeling more than a little defensive. This was why he didn't want anyone to know. Just because he deserved the judgment didn't mean that he wanted to face it.

"Listen, Eddie," Bobby started, gentler than the others. "There's no shame in going to therapy. And it doesn't have to be the department therapist or even conventual therapy. But I wouldn't be where I am in life without AA. I needed to have someone outside of the situation to talk about it. I needed the support of those who have also struggled with it."

"It's helped me more than I can express." Buck added.

"Plus Maddie never would've allowed herself back into Jee's life without it." Chim tacked on.

"I'll think about it." Eddie mumbled.

Before they could push further the bell rang. And just like that the conversation dropped for the rest of the shift.

Chapter Text

Chris just wanted to work on his family tree project in peace. The class was having quiet time as they worked on various homework assignments. But, well, working on a family tree when he was currently mad at his father put him into a sour mood.

He started with Abuelita and Abuelito with a little cross next to Abuelito's name. That was the furthest back he knew of immediately. Most of the kids in his grade were starting with their grandparents but Chris liked being through.

From the solid line connecting them he drew a dotted line down that split for Tía Pepa and Abuelo. He gave each of them a solid line connecting to their respective partners — added another little cross for Tío Paco.

He drew another dotted line down from Abuela and Abuelo that split into 3 branches. One for dad, one for Tía Adriana, and one for Tía Sophia. He repeated the motion of filling in each of their spouses connected by a solid line. The little cross he drew next to his mom's name sent a pang of sadness through his chest.

Chris hesitated. It felt wrong to leave Buck off of the assignment. Buck was his dad in all the ways that mattered and had been for years. So he settled for drawing a circle off the the side close to his dad's name. He would have to find pictures off all of his family for this so he would just add Buck to the list of people to get pictures of.

Under the circle he wrote Buck Buckley. In parentheses next to it he added the label Papa.

Just as he was filling in his cousins names the teacher, Mrs. Smith announced that she was going to the copy room.

So much for it being quiet.

The room erupted with various different conversations.

He carefully filled out the bio on Abuelita. Answering questions about where she was from and other general information. He didn't know all the much about his Abuelito. Chris hadn't even been born when he died. So he drew a small cross next to his name and decided to fill his portion out later.

"Chris," Derick, the boy next to him, hissed.

Chris ignored him. He didn't feel like dealing with anyone much less Derick. The boy had been nothing but a bully since he transferred in after Christmas break.

He moved onto Tia Pepa's bio. Once again he filled out the information that he could remember off the top of his head and vowed to himself that he would call Abuelita latter for help.

He missed her.

He decided to leave filling out Tia Pepa's children and grandchildren for when he was on the phone with Abuelita. If there was anything she was missing he could always call Tia Pepa after.

"Chris!" Derick hissed again.

"I'm doing my assignment." Chris huffed.

"Who's Buck?" Derick questioned.

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose. "My papa."

Silently he wished that the teacher would come back, like now.

"You already have dad on there though." The boy pushed.

"Yes." Chris huffed trying to focus on the assignment.

"How does that work?"

Chris tried again to ignore him. He couldn't quite focus on the assignment now.

"Hey, crutches, I asked a question." Derick snapped.

"Don't call me that." Chris snapped back, whirling around to face him.

"C'mon it's just a nickname." the boy mocked.

"One I told you to stop calling me." he forced himself up.

He grabbed his crutches ready to leave. Where to he wasn't sure. Just away. He didn't have the patience for this.

"Would you prefer, Crip?" Derick's snide voice questioned.

Chris spun to face him. His crutch went out before be could fully think to stop it. It hit the bully in the chin.

"Ow! Fuck!"

Derick shoved him. He stumbled back but regained his balance quickly.

The next few moments were a blur. One moment Chris was swinging on the bully and the next they were trading blows. Then the teacher was back and yelling at them to separate.

Chris did as told leaning heavier on his crutches than he had a few minutes ago.

"Principle's office now." Mrs. Smith demanded.

Chris huffed but didn't argue. He just headed out towards the principle's office.

After a long lecture that Chris just tuned out he was left to wait for Buck to pick him up.

Boredom turned to impatient irritation quickly. Buck was taking too long to get there. He knew that he had the day off. Yes, he had a date with Tommy but he shouldn't been that far out.

He was left waiting for a little over an hour before Ms. Lilly entered the room and he followed her out.

Chris had to suppress an eye roll when he noticed that it was his dad was the one in the entrance hall. The wrong dad showed up. He wanted his papa.

His dad rushed over to him. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." Chris muttered.

"What happened?" Dad pushed.

Chris shrugged, trying to avoid eye contact with his father. He was tired of dealing with people.

"They said you started it?" Eddie continued leaning down to try and make eye contact. "That's not like you."

"You wouldn't know what was 'like me' you haven't been paying attention."

"Chris- I…" Eddie started.

"Some dick said some stuff about my condition. So I hit him." He said. "At least I didn't wind up in jail for it."

Chris knew it was low blow. But at the moment he couldn't bring himself to care.

"I- I don't even know where to begin." the father muttered. "First language. Second how do you know about that."

They really needed to rethink were they talked about certain things if they didn't want him to know about it.

"I overheard Carla say something about it. Didn't know you wanted to keep it a secret."

"Okay we'll talk about the eavesdropping later." Eddie huffed. "Let's just get you to Buck's."

He didn't want to talk to his dad about anything currently much less his eavesdropping.

Chris shrugged again as he followed his dad out to the truck.

Chris stubbornly refused his dad's help getting into the car. His body ached from the fight but he persisted none the less. He had inherited his father's stubbornness and by God was he going to make it Dad's problem.

*******

Chris refused to talk the entire ride to Buck's loft.

When they got up to the loft Buck was pacing waiting for them.

Chris barely made it through the door before Papa had him wrapped up in a hug that Chris sunk into.

He was tired. He just wanted to sulk in his room and finish the stupid family tree assignment. Maybe talk to Papa about his shitty day.

"Are you okay?" Buck fretted pulling back to give him a concerned glance. "What happened?"

Chris shot Eddie a long look before returning his gaze to Buck. "Later."

Buck nodded. "Okay kiddo, why don't you go cool down in your room while I talk to Eddie for a moment."

Chris nodded and shuffled over to his room.

He could hear his dad's talking in the other room. His dad tried to speculate on why Buck wasn't allowed to pick him up. Which was dumb.

Buck was his dad in every way that mattered. Legality meant nothing.

It wasn't long before Papa knocked on the wall. Since he didn't have a door the wall was the next best option.

"Come in." Chris muttered. He didn't really want to hear the lecture but he figured that it was better to go ahead and get it over with. Papa peaked his head through the curtains and sent him a warm smile.

"Hey Superman."

"Am I in trouble?" Chris questioned softly.

The older man sighed. "I don't know bud. Right now I'm missing a lot of details so I can't make that decision. Why don't you tell me what happened?"

Chris chewed on his lip a moment before answering.

"There's this kid in my class. Derick. And he was being rude about my assignment…" Chris trailed off suddenly aware that to explain the whole story he'd have to tell Buck that he was on the family tree assignment. And while he had view Buck as his dad for a while he had never said so in front of Buck. Suddenly he was worried that Buck wouldn't want to be refer to as his papa.

"Okay…" Papa seemed to contemplate what to say next. "What was he saying?"

The boy ducked in head avoiding looking at Buck. "We have to do a family tree project. And I was working on it during quiet time. And I put you on there but you weren't attached to anyone and then he started being pushy about how that works. And I was trying to ignore him and then he called me Crutches. When I told him to stop he called me Crip…" Chris sighed. "So I hit him with my crutch."

Buck tried to suppress a laugh. "Okay… Uh, I understand the frustration and I'll be talking to your school about this Derick kid's behavior. That being said, I don't agree with the use of violence. Is Derick calling you names a common occurrence?"

"Yeah, and it's not just me." Chris nodded. "I know I shouldn't have hit him. But… I just- I couldn't deal with it."

"Why don't you talk to your therapist and come up with ways of grounding yourself when you get overwhelmed."

"I guess." he mumbled.

"Okay. Good." Buck nodded. "I'm going to say no electronics for the next 3 days."

"But Buck-" Chris started but was interrupted by a firm look from his papa.

"No buts or I add a day."

"Yes sir." He conceded.

"I love you." Buck reminded with a gentle smile.

Chris grinned back at him. "Sap."

"Always." he agreed easily. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment seeming to debate saying something. "Hey can we talk about something really quick?"

"We're already talking." Chris huffed.

Papa gave him an unimpressed look. "Very funny. Do you have a door to your room at home?"

"You know I do."

"Does your dad or I ever go into your room without knocking?"

Chris gave him a funny look. He had no clue what his papa was getting at.

"No… where are you going with this?"

"I'll tell you in a sec." Buck brushed off. "Why don't we go into your room without knocking?"

"To give me privacy…" Chris answered slowly. "It's my space. Dad says that knocking is part of respecting a person's space."

Buck nodded for a few seconds. "Remember when you called me after Kim how you asked me not to tell your dad that you had called. You knew he had to know but you needed time before you talked with him about it."

"Yeah…" he trailed off.

"Okay." Buck nodded again. "So sometimes you don't always bring things up with your dad immediately because you need time before you talk about. But you are planning on talking to him just not at the moment. How would you feel if your dad had been passing your room and heard you talking to me, or he had opened the door to hear."

"I would have been upset." he responded. He thought back to what he was feeling in the moment and tried to imagine his dad hearing it. "I needed — still need — time before I talk to him about it. And if he had heard he would have wanted to talk about it then."

Where was this going?

"Right. Another question. Do you tell Isa everything about your life?"

Isa was his Tía Sofia's daughter. He saw her more that most of other family in Texas. But it was still only a few times a year. She was about 3 years younger than him.

"No. She's little."

"So sometimes you don't tell people younger than you about certain events in your life because you want to protect them. She's only 10 she shouldn't have to worry about the horrors of life. Right?"

"Yes…"

"So sometime adults do that with kids too." Buck explains. "We either won't talk about or wait to talk about certain things with kids because there's a lot of stuff that comes with being an adult that it wouldn't be fair to be put onto a kid. And sometimes parents don't tell their kids about things that has happened because they aren't ready to talk about them at that moment. But kids are curious. And sometimes they eavesdrop because they want to know what their parents are talking about. But remember how you would have felt if your dad heard you talking to me? That's how it can feel when kids hear something they aren't supposed too."

Chris broke eye contact glancing around the room. He realized that his dad must have mentioned that he brought up him ending up in jail. Guilt twisted in his stomach.

"I know that you don't mean to hurt or upset your dad when you eavesdrop but that can be the result."

"I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"I'm not the one that you need to be saying that too." Buck pointed out gently. "And you don't have to talk to your dad right now. I know that you need time before you do and I'm not going to begrudge you of that."

"Okay."

"Now. We live in a pretty small apartment right?"

"Yeah."

"So it's really easy to overhear each other's conversations." Buck continued. "But you're a growing boy both of us need privacy sometimes. So, why don't we start a rule that if one of us calls headphones that the other has to put on headphones and listen to music or something so that the other can have privacy."

"I can call it too?" Chris double checked.

"Yes. But." Papa agreed but followed it up with a serious expression. "While you deserve your privacy it's also my responsibility to make sure that you're safe. So if I am concerned about you doing something unsafe we'll have to adjust. But that's a conversation that we'll have when the time comes. Sound fair?"

"Yeah. That sounds fair."

"Good." Buck nodded. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"I know, superman." He smiled. "Now. I'm going to go get started on a some food for you. You get started on homework."

Chris huffed but nodded. Papa disappeared through the curtains and Chris could hear him bustling around the kitchen as he pulled out his homework.

He was such a dad.

Chapter Text

Buck was startled by a knock on the door. It was the last day of a 4 off and also a Sunday. So Buck was helping Chris work on the finishing touches on the Family Tree Project which was due the next day.

He pushed himself up from the kitchen counter where they were working and over to the door. He wasn't expecting any visitors today.

When he opened the door he was shocked to see Tommy there. They didn't have any plans that day as far as he could remember. And any plans they did have was sure as hell not at the loft. Buck moved more into the doorway so that his body was blocking the view of the apartment.

"Hey!" Buck greeted his voice slightly higher than normal. "I wasn't expecting you today…"

"I wanted to see you." Tommy answered glancing up and down his body. "You look good."

Buck felt a blush tinge his cheeks. "Thank you."

"So you going to let me in." Tommy prompted. "Or am I going to have to stand in the hall all night."

"I- uh," the younger man floundered for words. "I'm sorry right now isn't a good time."

The pilot raised an eyebrow at him. "Not a good time why?"

"Don't worry about it. I've just got a lot of… housework to get done today."

"Housework?"

"Yeah, I procrastinated it fo-"

"Buck, where did you put the scissor?" Chris called from in the kitchen.

An unreadable expression passed over Tommy's face. Buck sighed.

He glanced down only to see the aforementioned scissors still in his hands.

"Right here, superman." Buck answered finally giving up on blocking Tommy from seeing into the apartment to walk the scissors back to Chris.

"Chris is here?" Tommy questioned.

"No shit…"Chris muttered.

"No one was talking to you." Tommy snapped.

"I don't know why I ever though you were cool." the boy huffed with a healthy dose of teenage sass.

"Enough." Buck demanded with a firm look to both parties. "Chris, headphones."

"I-" Chris started then huffed. "Fine."

Chris disappeared into the living room. Tommy's eyes followed him the entire way.

Buck turned a sharp glare to Tommy. "Was that really necessary?"

"He was being disrespectful." The older man defended.

"He's a teenager."

"Evan, are you really going to let him talk to me like that?"

"I'm going to talk to him about it." Buck huffed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Why is he even here?"

"I'm babysitting him. Eddie had something come up."

It was Tommy's turn to give Buck an unimpressed look. "That's not descriptive. And what's with the curtained off living room?"

"Uh…" he hesitated. "Pillow fort?"

Buck wasn't the greatest with lies. Secrets were much easier. But there was only so much evasion Tommy would tolerate. And Buck had a feeling that he had run out after the last date.

"Is that a question or answer?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

"I- I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

"Add it to the list." He muttered bitterly.

"That's not fair." Buck protested.

"What's not fair is that you're keeping secretes from me. And now lying as well."

"Fine." Buck threw his hands up. "Chris is staying with me for a little bit. He and Eddie got into a fight and he called me. He asked if he could stay with me for a while and I agreed. That's why he's here and the living room is curtained off. Happy now?"

"Chris called you?" Tommy pushed. "Not any of his actual family?"

Hurt stabbed it's way into his heart. It was one thing to hear strangers not understand his chosen family with the 118 but he had hoped that his boyfriend would.

"I- I don't know why he called me." He deflated. "He just did."

"You know you didn't have to take him." Tommy pointed out. "He could have gone with his grandparents or a family member."

"I mean yeah… but he called me."

"Don't you think it's… odd that Eddie and Chris keep demanding that you give up your time and energy for a kid that's not even family."

"I am his family." Buck defended. "And they aren't demanding anything."

"It's just weird that I'm competing with a kid to spend time with my own boyfriend."

Anger flared in Buck. "You're not competing with Chris for anything."

"Just his father," Tommy muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buck snapped. "You knew that me and Eddie were close we started dating. And you knew that I help with Chris a lot. So why is this suddenly an issue?"

Tommy hesitated. For a moment it looked like he was going to say something but stopped himself.

"Never mind, Evan." He answered eventually. "Have fun with someone else's kid."

"No." Buck snapped. "No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to question who I choose to be my family, call Eddie competition, and then walk away."

"What, you're the only one that gets to walk away?" Tommy challenged standing to full height.

"I haven't walked away." Buck huffed.

"So you haven't been running out on dates to spend time with Eddie and Chris."

"I've been taking care of my family." He countered.

"Right," He muttered bitterly. "Because your little family with Eddie is more important than the person that you're actually dating."

"What does that even mean?"

"Don't be dense, Evan."

"I'm not. You're being cryptic."

"I'm not having this conversation with you." Tommy muttered turning his back.

"I'm not not having this conversation." Buck countered. "Either you talk to me about whatever this is or I…"

"You what?" Tommy whirled around to face him. "You go running to Eddie. Cause news flash you've been doing that."

"Where is all of this coming from?" Buck floundered. "I- I don't know what you're talking about. Eddie's my best-friend of course I talk to him."

"Oh, he's your friends now?" Tommy condescended. "I though you were family."

"He- he is." Buck muttered. "Just like all the 118 is."

Tommy scoffed. "Don't pretend like there isn't something different about your relationship to him than the others."

"I mean yeah, every relationship I have with them is different." Buck defended. He wasn't sure what Tommy was getting at but he was sure that he wasn't going to like it. Tommy gave him a judgmental look. "Look, I know that I'm close with Eds than the others, but best friends are like that."

"Best-friends don't act like you two do."

"What are you implying?" Buck narrowed his eyes at Tommy.

"Don't make me say it." Tommy rolled his eyes.

"Say what?" Buck pushed tensely.

"I mean c'mon. You two act like a married couple." He huffed.

Buck felt a little like he had dumped ice water on him. "Are you- are you suggesting that I have… feelings for him?"

"Evan, you're watching his kid for him."

"I'm not some queer stereotype who has a crush on my best friend." he huffed. "Plus he's straight."

Tommy snorted. "Sure."

"I don't have feelings for him."

"You know I should have know better." Tommy started after a moment of evaluation. "I should've know that you would break my heart. I'm your first. Not your last."

"The hell does that mean?"

"It means I should go." Tommy sighed. "Goodbye, Evan."

"Just like that?" Buck questioned his voice suddenly small. "You're just going to leave."

"I'm sorry, Evan." Tommy replied instead of answering his question. "I hope that you figure everything out."

Then Tommy disappeared through the door. He was gone.

Buck was left standing in the middle of the kitchen feeling vaguely hollow. Like Tommy had scooped out all of his insides and taken them with him when he walked out the door.

Tommy's words swirled in his mind against his will.

Competition.

Best friends don't.

Sure.

First, last.

Goodbye.

Numbly he forced his legs to carry him to the kitchen intent on making dinner. He pulled down his recipe book that Bobby had given him a while back. He flipped through till he found a complicated meal that would demand his attention to make and set to it.

Buck was about halfway done with the recipe and decidedly not thinking about Tommy when he texted Chris that he was good to take off the headphones.

*******

A few moments later Chris emerged from his room carefully holding his phone to his ear as he navigated to the kitchen.

"Sí," He answered into the phone before holding the phone out to Buck. "It's Abuelita."

Buck greeted warmly throwing the phone on speaker as he continued to cook.

"" Abuela reprimanded quickly.

Chris snickered from his place at the counter. Buck glared lightly.

"" Buck surrended. ""

"" She answered. ""

""

""

""

"" She questioned.

Buck looked to Chris to make sure that he was okay with Buck explaining. The boy nodded. ""

"" Abuela trailed off.

"In desperate need of therapy?" Buck offered earning a smile from Chris.

"An idiot." She corrected dryly. "But also the therapy thing."

Buck sighed with a fond smile.

"We miss you, Abuela."

"I miss you all too, Evancito." She responded warmly.

"Love you." Buck sighed clicking the phone awake so he could hang up.

"I love you, Abuelita!" Chris called.

"I love you both."

A moment later the phone went dead and Buck handed it back to Chris.

"Back to your homework." Buck started pointedly.

Chris rolled his eyes and groaned as he focused back onto the family tree project. Buck turned back to the recipe.

As he was finishing the meal his brain caught on something Abuela had said.

Nuestro Eddie.

Our Eddie.

She had called Eddie's theirs.

And Buck… He had no clue what to make of that.

Chapter Text

Buck was trying to be normal. He really was. But he was spiraling. About Tommy. About what he said. And about Abuela calling Eddie their Eddie.

The pieces of what they implied just didn't fit into the picture of his life.

Eddie was straight.

And dating someone only meant getting left.

And he couldn't handle getting left.

So he didn't have feeling for him.

He didn't.

Regardless of his best efforts to ignore his swirling thoughts Carla pegged something being wrong almost the second that she walked through the door.

Buck hugged her in greeting and she squeezed extra tight. "How are you Buckaroo?"

"I'm okay." Buck lied. Carla gave him a look that said she could see right through him.

"Mhm," She hummed. "You want to try that again without the lie?"

"I am." He insisted.

"Buck…" She started firmly.

"Don't bother." Chris huffed exiting the bathroom and heading to clear his breakfast plate. "He won't say what's wrong. Even though something clearly is."

Chris punctuated his statement with an tired look that reminded him of the looks that Eddie gave him when he did something dumb in the field.

"You're too stubborn." She huffed.

"You love me." He teased with a grin.

"You're testing my patience." She shook her head at him tiredly. "Have a good shift."

"I will." Buck nodded giving Chris a hug and dropping a kiss to the top of his head which Chris allowed with a huff.

Buck waved one last time before heading out of the door and heading to the station.

He waited in the parking lot of the station for a few minutes trying to gather himself. He loved his family from the 118 but fuck were they nosy.

His plan backfired immediately. He was so distracted trying to pull himself together that he lost track of time and was almost late.

He was never late. And so the moment he was in the locker room all eyes were on him.

"You okay Buck?" Bobby question after a long look.

"I lost track of time." Buck rolled his eyes opting for a half truth. "Got distracted with something I heard yesterday is all."

The group gave him a look that implied that they didn't quite believe him but they dropped it. Buck breathed out a sigh of relief until he caught the look that Eddie was giving him.

There was no way he was dropping it.

If Buck didn't cherish Eddie's friendship so much he would wish that he was still pulling away. But since the call with his parents Eddie had given up on putting distance between them.

So that meant that he wasn't going to leave Buck alone until he figured out what was wrong.

Sure enough the moment Buck was alone in the loft. Bobby was in his office doing paper work. And Hen and Chim were bickering over the correct way of loading the ambulance.

"What's wrong?" He questioned immediately dropping onto the couch next to Buck.

He shook his head dismissively. "I'm fine."

Eddie glared. "Don't lie to me."

"Why is everyone saying that today?" Buck groaned sinking further into the couch.

"Because you're obviously not. So what happened?" Eddie pushed. "Did something happen with Chris?" Worry infiltrated his tone at the second question.

"No." Buck shook his head. "Chris is fine."

"But you're not."

"I am."

"Nope."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"What are we 5?" Eddie huffed. Buck pouted a little. "Tell me."

"Can we just drop it?"

"No."

"Eddie…" Buck whined dropping his head back with a thunk.

"Buck." Eddie parroted back.

"Tommy broke up with me."

"Oh thank god." Eddie breathed before seeming to catch himself. "I- uh. I mean… Shit that came out wrong. What I meant was that he wasn't good enough for you anyway. What happened?"

Buck shook his head. There was no way that he was telling Eddie that Tommy had all but insisted that he had feelings for him.

"He was being a jackass about Chris staying with me— don't worry though I didn't tell him why. Just that you got into a fight — anyway everything escalated until he left."

"His loss." Eddie rolled his eyes.

Buck forced a smile. "You don't have to say that."

"I mean it." Eddie insisted. "You're a great guy. Tommy leaving just makes him an idiot. I know that if I—" Eddie stopped himself. Buck thought his ears might be red but he couldn't be sure. "If I had someone as wonderful as you I wouldn't never walk away."

Buck knew for sure that he was blushing under the complement. "Oh… uh- Thank you."

Eddie hesitated for a moment. He glanced around the room looking anywhere but at Buck.

After a long pause Eddie seemed to resolve himself. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah what's—" Buck's question was cut off by the bell ringing.

Buck forced himself up and off the couch. They raced down the stairs toward the engines.

With a suitable distraction his brain forgot all about Tommy.

*******

They were called to Santa Monica Pier. A tourist fell over the edge and was dead man floating in the water beneath them.

A woman is leaning over the ledge screaming for him.

"Ma'am I need you to step away from the railing." Bobby commanded holding his arm out to block her from going over herself.

"He's not moving." She cried turning to Bobby. "You have to help him."

"We're going to." He promised. "But for us to do our job we need to make sure that you're safe. Which means stepping away from the railing."

The woman obliged hesitantly.

"Please, he has to be okay." She pleaded.

"We're going to do our best. I'm Bobby. Can you tell us what happened?"

"My husband lost his balance when he was leaning over the railing to look at something he saw in the water." She explained frantically. "Please he hasn't moved."

"Okay. We'll handle it." Bobby turned from the woman to the group. "Ravi, grab the equipment for water rescues from the truck. Chim, Hen, we don't know the extent of his injuries so be prepared. Buck-"

"I'll go in." Buck volunteered before Bobby could continue.

"No." Eddie protested an oddly stressed look on his face. "I'll go. You go with Ravi for the equipment."

"I'm the stronger swimmer." Buck protested. Eddie opened his mouth to protest but Buck cut him off. "We don't have time to fight about this. I'm going."

Without waiting on Eddie to reply Buck climbed up and over the guard rail and dropped down like a stone.

Air rushed past his ears as he fell. He tensed every part of his body, keeping his arms pinned to his side with his feet pointed— as much as his boots would allow— the way he had seen in cliff diving competitions in Peru. He had hooked up with a diver once and she had explained that they survived the jumps by positioning their bodies carefully and keeping them stiff as possible.

There was a moment of weightlessness as he submerged. It was his favorite part of water rescues. The moment when his body stopped traveling down slowed by the water. A moment of hesitation before his instincts and reminders of his job prompted him to kick toward the surface.

Nothing but cool water wrapped around him. No noise. No light.

Maybe he should take up diving.

Then his lungs would strain and he kicked up toward the surface. The light of the sun shining through the water and onto his eyelids the closer he got to air.

He broke through the water and glanced around for the victim. He had landed a few feet away from him. He swam over and lifted the man so that his face was above water. Not a moment later the rescue rope was thrown down. Buck secured the man and waved for them to take him up.

He treaded water as they did. The moment the man disappeared back onto the pier Hen and Chim swarmed him. Buck was too far to hear what they were saying but he hoped that he hadn't been too late.

Eddie threw the line down to him looking worried and more than a little pissed off. Buck fastened himself and waited while they hulled him up from the water.

Once Buck was on solid ground he looked around trying to see the man. Chim was doing chest compressions a few feet away from him. Buck glanced around unsure of what to do now. His part was done.

Before he settled on anything the woman who had been crying when they got there was flying toward him and wrapping her arms around him.

"Thank you." She sobbed into his chest. "Thank you."

Buck smiled gently as he pulled away from her hold. "Just doing our job."

Eddie was glaring at him from a few feet away. Buck couldn't think of what he did to piss Eddie off.

*******

After they had returned to the station and Buck had showered, he headed up to the roof. He didn't know if Eddie would talk about what was making him upset— with his track record probably not —but Buck didn't want anyone overhearing if he did.

There was also the matter of the question that Eddie was planning on asking about before the bell rang. Buck was burning with curiosity. But he knew that if he tried to bring it up with Eddie while he was upset he would get no where fast.

Not long after he got up there hair still slightly damp the door to the roof opened.

Buck turned toward the noise. "Hey Eds. You good?"

Eddie sighed. "Peachy."

"Bullshit." the younger man glared. "What's wrong? You've been off since the water rescue."

"I haven't."

"Not who's lying." Buck pointed out. "C'mon, I told you about Tommy."

"Buck." Eddie huffed. "Drop it."

"I'm not a dog so no." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Tell me."

"I- I just… Did you have to do that water rescue?"

"What? This is about me doing the rescue?"

"Yes!" The older firefighter exclaimed. "You don't have a good history with that pier. You should've let me do it."

"You know that water can be turbulent. I'm the stronger swimmer."

"You could've been hurt." he gestured wildly.

"Eddie, this is a dangerous job. Anyone of us can get hurt on calls."

Eddie dragged a hand down his face. "You don't think I know that."

"You aren't acting like you do."

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm fine."

"I can't- I can't lose you." Eddie froze.

It felt like a confession.

An admittance.

It shouldn't.

It wasn't.

It couldn't be. This was just normal worry of a best friend. Buck wasn't sure that he would survive losing any of the 118. That's what Eddie meant. It was the same thing.

Nothing different.

It wasn't new information.

So Buck ignored the charged feeling it carried. "You won't. I wouldn't leave you… Or Chris."

"I know." Eddie deflated. "I just- I was so worried."

"I've survived worse."

Eddie rolled his eyes but did seem a little comforted. "Stop making us worry."

"Will do." Buck agreed easily. "Hey, what were you going to ask me before the bell?"

Eddie hesitated looking over the ledge and to the city beyond. He was going that thing where he wouldn't look at Buck when something serious was on his mind. It made Buck nervous.

"Marry me." Eddie blurted after a moment.

Chapter Text

They both froze at the same moment. Eddie was still staring out at the sky line but his eyes had gone wide and his face turned red.

Buck felt like his heart had stopped.

"Shit." Eddie cursed after a tense second. "Fuck that came out wrong. I don't- I didn't…. I didn't mean it like that I just-"

"Eddie." Buck cut off his rambling, his voice was a little wobbly. He felt so off balance. "I'm going to need you to back up a bit."

"Yeah… Yeah. I- Okay." Eddie floundered for a moment before taking a steadying breath. "My parents… they were threatening to take Chris. And you were having all these issue with taking care of Chris because you're not his legal guardian. And I- I thought that if we got married it would save a lot of problems— platonically of course." Eddie rushed to clarify the end.

Something Buck wouldn't couldn't name flashed through him at the hurried amendment.

"I-" Buck started but found he had no words.

"It made more sense in my head." Eddie deflated. "I just. I don't know what to do about my parents. Or you not being able to take care of Chris. I mean it's not like he'll go back to living with me anytime soon."

Eddie said the last line more like a question and Buck hated to agree. He loved having Chris full time and would miss him when he did go back to living with his father but he also wanted Eddie to be happy. Wanted him to be able to see and take care of his son. He really was a great dad when he wasn't dating a clone of his dead wife secretly.

"He'll come around." Buck promised.

"But not soon." Eddie shook his head. "Think about it though? If we did you could do a step parent adoption and then you would also have legal rights to him and then my parents have even less of a case to take Chris away."

There was that way that Eddie talked about him taking care of Chris. He was assuming that Buck would want to do that. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Buck would take care of Chris. No matter what.

He had seen Eddie do this a few times in their years of friendship.

Before the tsunami he had just dropped Chris at Buck's with the assumption that he would take care of Chris. And then after he had taken Chris back despite everything. Despite Buck being the reason that he had gotten lost in a tsunami.

Then after the well. The assumption that Buck would take Chris if the worst happened and Eddie died. That he would fight Eddie's parents for custody. The thought that he would refuse hadn't even crossed his mind that Buck would leave Chris with his parents.

And now.

Something about the unwavering faith felt damning.

He wasn't sure which was more damning. Eddie's assumptions or the fact that he had been right.

"Yes." Buck blurted before he could think to stop it.

They both froze again. Eddie looked relieved that Buck had actually said yes. Then slightly apprehensive as if he just realize the scale of commitment he was proposing.

Maybe he was realizing that he didn't want to be tied to Buck this way.

After all who would.

"I mean how much would it really change?" Eddie questioned.

That didn't make the situation feel less damning.

"We have to talk to Chris first though." Buck sighed instead of voicing his worries.

"Yeah." Eddie agreed. "Talk to him together?"

"Of course."

"If he'll talk to me at all…" Eddie muttered bitterly.

"I'll see if he's okay with that. If not I'll talk to him on my own."

Eddie nodded not seeming at all happy with that option. But he never did look happy at reminders of Chris leaving the house.

The door slammed open behind them. Ravi appeared from the stairway.

"There you guys are." He huffed. "Cap's calling for team lunch."

They nodded, following Ravi down the stairs.

Now they just had to act normal around their incredibly nosy coworkers. No problem.

On the bright side all thoughts of Tommy had disappeared from his thoughts. Instead they were replaced with thoughts of marrying Eddie.

Buck was suddenly very ready for the shift to be over. But they had barely been there a few hours. He cursed the long hours that they kept as firefighters.

It was about halfway through the lunch that Buck suddenly remembered that if they got married they would have to fill out marital change paper work. Which meant that Bobby would have to know.

He wasn't sure that he could explain it to anyone much less Bobby with his knowing fatherly eyes.

The man was watching him carefully. Like he knew that Buck was hiding something from him.

Two things actually.

He didn't say anything to Buck about it during lunch so that was a blessing. He allowed himself to get lost in the familiar chatter of his coworkers.

Right as Buck finished his plate the bell rang.

Loud scrapes of chairs sounded as they collectively pushed back from the table. Heavy boots thudded as they rushed down to the engines. It was a long familiar routine. Something Buck didn't have to think of. He just moved. Moved and allowed his mind to clear from all troublesome thoughts.

They loaded up into the engine and pealed out of the station.

"So Buck," Hen started leaning forward to look at him. "You going to tell us why you've been acting weird all day?"

Buck glared at his friend. Of course she would ask about it when he had no where to escape to.

"Am I going to talk about my personal life on the way to a 20 car pile-up?" Buck challenged. "No. No, I will not."

"You've never cared before. I know more about your sex life than any brother-in-law should." Chim huffed.

"Plus we're not there yet." Hen added.

"That was a long time ago." Buck protested. "I don't do that anymore."

"I'm still traumatized." Chim jabbed.

Buck gave Eddie a pleading look. Maybe he could save him.

Eddie just shrugged.

Divine retribution occurred in the form of Hen turning her sharp gaze onto Eddie.

"You know don't you?" She questioned after a beat.

"No." he lied.

"You do." She accused right back.

That was the unfortunate thing about working the people that you consider family. They know your tells too well. Eddie would have fooled most people, even from the 118 if they weren't from the A shift. But Hen saw right through him.

"Why would I know?"

"You want that list alphabetically or chronologically?" Bobby quipped from the front seat.

"Traitor." Buck hissed, glaring at the back of his captain's head.

"He has a point." Chim shrugged.

Before Buck could protest again or they could continue to interrogate him they arrived at the pileup.

*******

"Buck can I talk to you?" Bobby questioned as they unloaded from the engine once they were safely back at the station.

Buck glanced around looking for a way out of this conversation. He knew that Bobby was going to ask him about why he was being weird all day but he didn't think that he had the energy to explain it. Still Bobby was captain and he had to answer.

"Sure." He huffed following Bobby up the stairs, past the kitchen and into his office.

Bobby waited till they were both sitting to broach the conversation again.

"So." Bobby prompted.

"So." Buck repeated stalling.

"What happened?" the captain questioned. He had that dad expression that made Buck want to fold and tell him everything. But he couldn't.

"I'm fine." Buck brushed off instead of answering the question.

"You've been acting weird all day."

"No I haven't."

"Buck." Bobby fixed him with yet another firm look. "Talk to me."

"It's really nothing."

"Tell me anyway."

Buck huffed. Eventually he settled on a half version of the truth. "Tommy broke up with me last night."

"I'm sorry." Bobby sighed. "Do you want to talk about it."

He had been avoiding it all day. No. He didn't really want to talk about it.

… Maybe with Maddie.

"I don't know." He grumbled despite himself. "It just- kinda felt like it came out of no where."

"Okay…" Bobby prompted.

Buck debated what to say. He wasn't ready to talk about Tommy accusing him of having feelings for Eddie. Especially not when if the conversation with Chris when well he would have to go back and fill out marital paperwork.

Yeah he did not need the looks that Bobby and the team would give him.

He wondered if he could convince Bobby of keeping their marriage a secrete from the rest of the team. Though he doubted that that would go over well. Be cause again they were nosy as high hell.

Either way that was a later problem. Because first he had to get his Eddie's kid to approve.

"He he said something about how I was going to break his heart?" Buck elaborated his brow creasing in confusion. "That he was my first and not my last? And I don't even know what that means. Like is the first queer relationship ever just doomed to fail. People marry their high school sweethearts all the time. And like shouldn't this be the same principle. Was this relationship always going to end in heartbreak?"

Once he got started talking he couldn't really stop himself. All the words that had been lingering on his mind since Tommy walked out the front door came spilling out.

"Buck." Bobby interrupted. It was a good thing that he did too because otherwise Buck was liable to start spilling out things like 'competition' or 'best friends don't'. "I'm not an expert on queer relationships. However if you ask me that sounds like a load of crap. You're figuring yourself out but that doesn't mean that the relationships you were in are doomed."

Buck chewed on his bottom lip. "I guess. I'm going to talk to Hen about it. She'll know if it's true."

"You do that." Bobby agreed easily. "And in the mean time. Take a deep breath. It's going to be okay."

"Thank you."

"Any time." Bobby smiled warmly. "Was there anything else that you wanted to talk about?"

Buck shook his head.

He rushed out of Bobby's office before the man could realize that there was more than just the first comment on his mind.

He headed back out to the loft area. He settled himself in the kitchen and started chopping up veggies for the dinner that night.

He threw some music on his phone and tried to lose the troublesome thoughts in the familiar routine of cooking.

Everything else could wait till when he wasn't on shift.

Chapter Text

Buck collapsed onto the couch once he was done with his chores for evening. Bobby was in his office doing on paper work and Eddie was still washing the rigs. Which left Hen and Chim who were watching some random reality TV show.

"How's it going Buckaroo?" Hen greeted warmly muting the TV.

"I'm ready for this shift to be over." He complained letting his head fall back against the couch.

It was getting later in the evening. Dinner had already been finished and his cooking had only been interrupted for a call once. Still after the conversation with Tommy the night before and then Eddie proposing he wanted to go home.

"We've only had a few calls." Hen pointed out.

"Don't jinx it." Chim hissed.

"Calm down." Hen rolled her eyes. "It's not like I said the q word."

"I would have to kill you if you did." Buck threatened.

"Says the one who said it recently."

"I was talking about the dishwasher." Buck protested throwing his hands up.

"And yet the rest of the shift was still hell." Chim mocked.

"Anyway." Hen gently steered the conversation back her her original plan. "Shift will be over soon. So… why don't you tell us what's been bugging you."

Buck glared. She was like a bloodhound. She grinned at him unapologetic.

"So…" Chim prompted.

"You know what. I think I'm going to try to get some sleep." Buck huffed pushing himself up off the couch.

Hen's hand shot out and grabbed him before he could leave. "C'mon, Buck. We're just worried about you. Maybe talking about it will help."

"I don't know." Buck huffed.

"Please?"

Buck huffed and plopped back down onto the couch.

"It's just that Tommy broke up with me last night."

Both of his friends' faces twisted in sympathy.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Hen sighed. "I can't say I ever like Tommy but that still sucks."

"I though you were friends?" Buck's eyebrow creased. "You both used to work with him."

"Yeah, but it wasn't like now." Chim shrugged. "No body was particularly welcoming to either of us. Tommy was like really racist. Until I saved his life and then he was nice to me."

"But when I came he was… awful. Sexist as high hell. And not particularly nice about me being black either."

"WHY AM I JUST LEARNING ABOUT THIS?" Buck all but screamed. "YOU LET ME DATE SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT ONLY RACIST BUT SEXIST."

The pair winced. "I- I thought you knew."

Buck deflated a little. "You think I would date someone like that if I knew."

"No. No-" Hen rushed to reassure. "I don't know I just though that he might have convinced you that he had changed."

"I sucked a racist dick." He complained.

"Once again more information than I need about my brother-in-law."

"Meh," Buck stuck his tongue out. "You're fault for not warning me before hand."

*******

Buck let himself into Maddie's house a few days later.

"Maddie." He called.

She popped her head out from the kitchen. "Buck! Hi. In here."

Buck gave her an apologetic smile for coming over without warning. "Sorry I didn't call first."

"Is everything okay?" Maddie questioned, her brow creasing with concern.

"Chim isn't here right?" He questioned earning a pointed stare.

"No…" She drew the word out. "What's this about? The last time you asked that you came out to me."

"I-" He hesitated. He was in such a rush to get there after his brain had started spiraling about Tommy breaking up with him and Eddie proposing within 24 hours of each other that he didn't consider what he was going to say. "So you know how I'm watching Chris right now right…"

"Yes. Which I had to learn from my husband weeks after the fact." She gave him yet another pointed look.

His face screwed up apologetically. "Sorry. Everything's been hectic recently."

"So I gathered." She muttered taking a sip of her coffee.

"Again I'm sorry." Buck sighed. "So anyway a few days ago Tommy showed up at my place unexpected-"

"Like you did me?" Maddie teased.

"Not the point." her younger brother rolled his eyes. "The point is that I hadn't told Tommy that Chris was staying with me."

"Why not?"

"It didn't feel like his business." Buck shrugged. "I didn't think that Eddie would appreciate me telling his business to other people."

"You could have not told him the details that just that you were watching Chris for a bit."

"Would you stop interrupting me." He huffed though it held no heat. "Anyways. So he comes over when I'm helping Chris with his homework and sees Chris. And was questioning why Chris was there and kinda corned me into telling him that Chris was staying with me. It devolved into his whole fight that lead to him breaking up with me."

"Chim told me." Maddie sighed. "I'm sorry."

"That man can't keep a secrete to save his life. But, don't be. I found up from Hen and Chim that he's racist and sexist. So…" Buck rolled his eyes. "Would've appreciated some warning but whatever. That's not why I wasn't to talk to you. It's why he broke up with me that's bugging me."

"Oh?" She prompting taking another long sip of coffee watching him as she did.

"So he comes into the apartment right. And when he sees Chris he starts acting weird. He's like weirdly judgemental about Chris calling me. And I get that no everyone understands the concept of chosen family but I thought that we'd been together long enough to understand that Eddie and all of the 118 are my family. And then he makes some comment about how he's competing with Chris for my time. And when I protest that he isn't he say just Eddie. Like what does that even mean?" Buck rambled. "And when I'm justifiable confused and question him on it he gets all cagey. And THEN, he all but insist that I'm in love with Eddie."

"I mean…" Maddie shrugged. "It wouldn't be so crazy."

"He's straight." Buck protested.

"I never said he wasn't."

"I'm not in love with my straight best friend." He insisted. "I get that we're closer than most friends but it's not like that."

"So did you explain that to Tommy?"

"I tried." He huffed. "But he wouldn't hear it."

"Okay…" She trailed off. "So it sounds like you did everything you could."

"I guess." He sighed.

"And here i was hoping that you would have better taste in men than you do in women."

"What does that mean?" He glared lightly.

"You've seen the people you date." She answered unrepentant.

"I'm going home."

"I love you." She called to him as he headed out the door with a laugh.

*******

Buck watched Chris fidget on the opposite side of the kitchen island. He had agreed to talk to his dad with Buck but he obviously still wasn't happy about it. Eddie was next to him and was also fidgeting.

Carla was next to Chris and was giving the two of them like is she stared hard enough then she could force them to tell her what was going on.

"So we both wanted to talk a decision that we've made through with you." Buck started slowly, finding that now that he was standing in front of Chris he wasn't sure how to explain their decision.

"And I promise that this isn't going to change anything." Eddie promised.

Carla glanced between the two of them like she wanted them to get on with it.

"Okay…" Chris drew up chewing on his bottom lip and looking no more settled at the promise.

"Just- just let us finish explaining before you make an judgment." Eddie pleaded.

"Whatever." He muttered scooting closer to Carla.

"Okay… Okay. So you know how you had to move your doctor's appointment a few weeks back because the doctor wouldn't let me take you." Buck started slowly. Chris nodded. "Okay. And how the school wouldn't let me pick you up after the fight."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah, why?"

"A few other things have come up that I'm not going to explain right now-" Eddie started.

"That's not fair!" Chris cut with off harshly. "Why won't you tell me anything?"

"Chris, I understand that you are upset but you can't talk to me like that." Eddie fought to keep his voice calm.

"It's true." He hissed pushing himself up like he was going to leave.

"Chris." Buck started firmly. "Sit back down."

Chris glared. Buck only raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Look-" Eddie started but was cut off again by Buck covering his hand with his own. He shook his head subtlety.

Buck sighed. "Remember when we talked about Isa. And how you don't always tell her certain things because she's too young to have to deal with it. You're Isa in this conversation."

Chris huffed again but sunk further into his seat and waved for them to continue.

Eddie shot him a grateful look and continued. "So Buck and I are getting married."

Chris seemed to choke on air. "WHAT?!"

Carla's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline.

"Way to rip the band aid off." Buck muttered. "Like we said before this isn't going to change anything. It's just a legality to help me take care of you while you are staying with me. Once we are married I can do a step-parent adoption that would give me all the legal rights of your actual parent. That way there will be less barriers."

Carla didn't look any less judgmental at the explanation. If anything she looked more disbelieving. Bust she didn't say anything — at least for right now while they were in front of Chris.

"You would be my dad… like officially?" Chris asked Buck softly.

"If you want." Buck answered softly. He was suddenly scared that Chris wouldn't want him to. That he didn't want any legal ties to him and had just chosen to stay with him so that he didn't have to deal with moving schools like he would if he went to Texas with his grandparents.

"I do." Chris said quickly. "You've been my dad for a long time. This would just make it official."

Buck smiled and moved around the kitchen island to give him a hug. Which he returned fiercely.

Chris pulled back and glared at his dad. "Buck gets me in the divorce."