Work Text:
“Love, Zoey! <3"
Mira stared at the last line of the letter in her hands. She was probably holding it too tightly, but the crinkled paper was the last thing on her mind at the moment. She was too busy staring at the words. One word specifically; Love (사랑).
Mira had always had a rocky relationship with the word. Don’t even get her started on the feeling itself, or whatever it was supposed to be. What was it supposed to be, anyways?
Was it a thought, barging into her head unannounced, breaking her concentration and flooding her face with uncalled for ideas every time those cute space buns bounced into a room?
Was it a feeling, like how her chest hurt as if her heart was punching the air out of her lungs when she met those sweetly sparkling eyes?
Or was it just a word, just like every other meaningless mush of letters that had been spat towards her throughout her entire life?
Love is stupid. Love is dumb and not cute and not sweet and not capable of writing letters. Her fingers didn’t loosen their grip on the patterned pink paper. All her life, people had told her that they cared for her. Her parents, while exchanging helpless glances. Her teachers, before giving her detention. You’ll learn, they had said. Learn how to obey their corrupt system, Mira knew they meant. Learn how to stay away from trouble and girls and freedom and magic. Learn to be obedient and follow every rule like a weak little lamb. Well, she’d certainly showed them. The only true care she’d seen in glimpses was throughout her childhood with her siblings, although it was few and far between. Their compassion was stamped down in the constant pushing and scolding and inevitable disappointment forced on them by their “superior’s” never-ending strive for perfection. Perfect grades. Perfect smiles. Picture perfect family. “Love” was a word used to describe good work and excellent achievements. “Love” was not tossed around freely in some stupid handwritten letter. “Love” wasn’t a term she’d felt like earning until she joined Huntrix. “Love” wasn’t something that felt like a feeling until-
No. Nuh uh. No way. Mira folded up the letter harshly and shoved it in her desk drawer. Probably too roughly—Against her folded arms she winced at the tiny tear in the pretty pink paper. She stood there tense, impatient and feeling like her insides were squirming around uncomfortably—Why, she didn’t quite know. A second later she ripped the drawer open, snatched the letter out and stuffed it under her mattress. Then she stiffly sat down on the bed. Tapped her shoe on the floor restlessly. Then huffed and kicked them off and flopped back on the mattress, closing her eyes under scrunched up eyebrows.
Fuck, she thought.
She hated it. She wished it didn’t exist. All her life she had been told it was wrong, it was boys and girls only, that she had to tampen down and destroy any kind of something that would make heat buzz under her skin and ignite her veins and tint even up to her ears in the color of fire. She had failed. She had been bested by the worst demon of them all.
She pressed her palms to her flushed, hot cheeks and let out a groan of exasperation, desperation, and defeat. Everything she had been taught told her this was wrong. But, then again, when was she one to listen to the rules? She tried to force away the stupid grin that was spreading across her lips and up to her rapidly reddening ears. Well, shit. She didn’t know whether to cry or to laugh. Her mask of nonchalant no-fucks-to-give “idc” attitude had slipped. She had been booted from her throne of perfect carelessness. She had fallen from the heights she had clawed her way up to gain, but as the illusion broke, she felt something. Something special. Something.. New.
Mira was lifted higher than the moon and the stars glittering high above any false throne. She sighed and turned to rest a burning cheek on her arm as she stared past the wide pane of her window into the depths of the night sky. Hesitant, she pulled out the letter from underneath her mattress, brushing out the wrinkles as best she could. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she finished re-reading the letter.
Zoey had sent it all the way from America, where she was visiting her family. (I wonder what they’re like.. If she’d invite me to meet them Mira’s thoughts whispered from her heart before she shooed them away and exhaled, eyes dashing across the page).
The letter itself was sweet, filled with doodles of strange places she’d never been to before and descriptions of weird fast food Zoey had apparently been missing. The last few words were what had caused all this ruckus up in Mira’s brain, tumbling around in her stomach like a wing of dragonflies were boxing in there. Despite herself, she felt herself softening a little as she read on.
…Anyways, ‘allat America stuff aside, I’ve been missing you tons!! There’s some pictures of my (grandmother// halmeoni)’s puppies on the back because I know you love them :D Besides this, I hope you’re doing good without me in Korea. I know it’s only a few weeks, but I really have been wishing I was with you way more than I’d expected to… I keep looking around and expecting to see you standing nearby me, but, well you know, you’re on the other side of the world.. Don’t worry, I haven’t been letting that keep me down, though! No matter what, no matter how, no matter where we are and how far or close together we are (although, I hope we are always as close as possible~!) I want you to remember this: I will always care for you, and be right with you in your heart! And you’ll be in mine too I know fosho yeheheh sweet dreams or happy morning (I’m so excited to see you again soon!! Tell Rumi I say hi!) Sending lots of hugs and kisses :3
Love, Zoey! <3
Hooooly shit yea fuck. Mira definitely couldn’t stop that stupid smile or idiotic blush on her face now.
Sigh. Oh, to be truly loved. Mira pressed the letter to her chest with a comforted sigh. So different from her past. So.. real. She curled up on the bed with a soft smile. Yeah, maybe she could get used to this.
>ੈ✩‧₊˚ ~ 𖹭