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The words hit Sonny like a blow to the stomach.
“Excuse me, ma’am!”
It’s not like he’s never heard them before.
“Excuse me, ma’am!”
He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell, “I didn’t bind in 100 degree weather for you to misgender me, buddy!”
But this was a customer. Usnavi told him to stop fighting with the customers. Bad for business.
So he straightened his spine, he cleared his throat, and he walked over to the customer and smiled.
“How can I help you?” he said, using his best “man voice” possible.
She didn’t catch on, and Sonny stewed internally in his anger for the next 5 minutes. When she finally left, Sonny groaned and looked around for something to punch. He settled for slamming his fist on the counter. “Ow, fuck!” he yelled. He rubbed his hand,
mumbling. He was alone in the store, and Usnavi wasn’t going to be back for another couple of minutes.
“Yo, cuz.” Usnavi greeted as he came back, Benny behind him, telling a story. Sonny was sat on a stool behind the counter.
“-so I told him, ‘don’t touch my broccoli, man’ and he- what’s up, Sonny? So he was like, fuck you man-”
“Sonny, did we have any customers?” Usnavi asked, annoying Benny who had to abruptly stop his story.
“One.” Sonny grumbled.
“Sell anything?”
“Some toilet paper.”
“Cool. What happened next, Benny?”
“Like I was saying…” Benny continued his story. Sonny wasn’t listening, until he became part of it.
“You should have seen Sonny, man, she was all-”
“It’s he.” Sonny corrected.
“Oh. Yeah. I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean it, it’s just, y’know-”
“Yeah. I know.”
Benny awkwardly dropped the story. They sat in a silence for a minute. Usnavi broke it.
“What’s wrong, Sonny?”
Sonny didn’t speak. He had tears in his eyes, forming from frustration, and he didn’t want his voice to crack. He took a deep breath.
“He apologized, Son. You should at least accept it.”
“You think he’s the only one who’s done that today?” Sonny snapped. His voice cracked and he coughed. He looked away quickly.
“Hey, hey, alright, what’s going on?” Usnavi asked gently.
“Maybe I should go-” Benny started.
“It’s fine.” Sonny assured him. He took a minute to prepare. “‘S just a customer. Called me ma’am.”
“That’s all?”
Sonny stared at his cousin. “The hell does that mean?”
“Just doesn’t seem that bad, is all-”
“Not to you.”
“It’s hard for people, Sonny, they don’t…” Usnavi was picking his next word carefully.
“They don’t what, Navi?” Sonny pressed.
“They don’t… know.” Usnavi finished.
Another awkward silence.
“Guess I’m not trying hard enough.”
“I didn’t say that, Son, it’s just that-”
“It’s every day. It’s always something, somebody always has somethin’ to say, ‘bout... how I look ‘n stuff…” He stopped short as he felt more tears coming on. Hell no was he going to cry in front of them.
Benny walked over to put his hand around Sonny’s shoulder. “I really am sorry, man, it just slipped.”
“Yeah. It’s ok.” Sonny fiddled with some loose change on the counter.
“How about you head home, I’ll close up.” Usnavi suggested. Sonny nodded, muttered a thanks and headed back to their apartment- abuela’s old apartment- and holed himself up on the couch. He turned on some trashy TV and curled a blanket around himself
like a cape. His sides were aching, but after what happened, the last thing he wanted to do was take his binder off.
It was about an hour before he heard a soft knock at the door. His face twisted in confusion, it was Pete’s knock, but it caught him by surprise.
He got up, still wearing a blanket cape, and opened the door. He was right, as a paint-splattered Pete was standing in front of him. He didn’t say anything, just gestured to come inside. Sonny stepped aside and let him in.
“What are you doin’ here?” Sonny asked, as if expecting something was wrong.
“I can’t come see my boyfriend?” Pete asked in return. He went over to the couch and sat down. “I came by the bodega. Usnavi said you went home.”
“Yeah, well.” Sonny shrugged, over exaggerated so it could be seen through his majestic cape.
Pete gestured for Sonny to sit next to him. Sonny obliged.
“Bad day?” Pete asked.
Sonny didn’t answer, just laid his head on Pete’s chest. Pete wrapped his arm around Sonny, pulling him closer. Sonny half-attempted to share his blanket, with no success. Pete didn’t really mind.
“Hang on,” Pete ran his hand across Sonny’s shoulder. “How long you had your binder on?”
“Ehhhh…” Sonny answered.
“Sonny, c’mon, you told me it’s bad to wear it too long.”
“I had a bad day.”
“Not an excuse.”
“I don’t want to get up.”
“Y’don’t have to.”
Sonny looked at him, pouting, and sat up. He pulled his shirt over his head, and hesitantly removed his binder (with assistance), and put his shirt back on. Pete made a kissy face at him, expectantly. Sonny rolled his eyes, but kissed him anyway. He lingered for
a few moments, finding comfort in it, before he nestled onto Pete’s chest again.
“D’you wanna talk about it?” Pete asked.
Sonny thought about it. He thought a lot of things, about how he was probably overreacting, that he was annoying Pete, that his problems were petty…
“Sunshine?” Pete interrupted his train of thoughts. The genuine concern in his voice reassured Sonny into talking.
“I… I’m jus’... so tired of bein’ called the wrong things all the time. I just want people to recognize me for me, y’know?”
Pete nodded. He felt like Sonny had more to say.
“...Benny messed up today.”
“For real? Man, I just saw him, I’m gonna-”
“Chill, it’s ok.”
“But you just said you-”
“It’s ok. I forgive him.”
“...Why?”
“Because I gotta. I can’t hold a grudge against everyone who’s done that, if they mean it or not. That would be everyone in the barrio.”
Pete stayed quiet again. Sometimes, even he forgot how hard Sonny had it.
“I’m sorry. For botherin’ you with my stuff.” Sonny said, quietly.
“Hey, no, don’t be. I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry if I ever… y’know.” Pete didn’t know how to say it.
“Misgendered me?” Sonny suggested.
“Yeah, that.”
Sonny thought for a minute. “Sometimes… I think you only like me cuz you think I’m a girl.” he said, quick and quiet.
Pete was thrown off by that. “Babe, you know I-”
“I know. But sometimes I feel like that.”
“I don’t, I swear, I mean I might not know all the words you use, but I know that you’re a boy, my boyfriend, and I like you a lot-”
Sonny kissed him, it was short and sweet, but it was enough to make him stop talking.
“Thank you.”