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Minho knew what he was feeling wasn't fair. He knew that none of this was Chan's fault, he didn't want any of this, and yet it was his presence, his actions (or the lack thereof), that made Minho feel like maybe they should… take a break.
When Chan texted him that he didn't feel good, didn't want anyone around, Minho had just sat down in his car. He sighed and let his head drop onto the steering wheel. The last time they had met in person was almost a month ago, and Minho had been looking forward to their date ever since they agreed on visiting the new Thai restaurant.
But it could be worse, right?
Not for one second did Minho believe Chan was cheating on him. No, he believed every word he said, believed every "excuse" that was really just an explanation. He knew that Chan felt bad about constantly ditching him, but fuck. It was taking a toll on Minho, too.
Minho, who had always been a rather happy person. Not the sunshine kind of happy that was Felix, but a calm, collected kind of happy. He had a good job, lived in a nice but cheap apartment, had a good relationship with his family and great friends. As well as a severely depressed boyfriend.
But he couldn't leave him just because of his depression. Stabbing a knife into his chest would probably be more bearable for Chan than having to deal with a break-up on top of everything. But what was Minho supposed to do when he couldn't help him?
Chan refused to take his meds because he couldn't stand the side effects, and it showed. When they first started dating, Chan hadn't been on any medication at all. A few appointments with his psychologist later he was put on medication to reduce his anxiety and hopefully get his depression under control as well. In the beginning, Minho thought Chan was just claiming those mental issues for his edgy image since he had never seen him cry and the only times he heard him talk about these conditions was when they came up in a joke.
But Minho realized soon enough just how ignorant he had been. Humor and acting overly happy around people turned out to be common ways of coping with those things. He didn't realize how much Chan had been holding in until Minho decided to surprise his boyfriend by showing up at his door uninvited. When Chan peeked through his front door with his sunglasses on his nose, Minho couldn't help but laugh.
"Chan, why are you wearing sunglasses inside?" he asked with an amused chuckle and stepped forward, waiting for Chan to open the door properly.
"I, uh. Did you say you were coming?"
"No! I wanted to surprise you. I hope I'm not bothering you with anything?" Minho grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, his first conclusion was that he had interrupted Chan while smoking in his room, that would explain the sunglasses and his weirdly calm, quiet voice.
"No, you're not. I just, I need a minute." He opened his door and stepped back before Minho could lean in for a kiss. "You can go sit in the kitchen. I'll be right back."
Minho took off his shoes, a little upset that he didn't get a kiss, and walked towards Chan's surprisingly clean kitchen. While Chan was generally a rather messy person, he never really cooked on his own, so the fact that the kitchen looked so un-used probably shouldn't have surprised him.
"So. Why are you here?" Chan asked as he came into the kitchen five minutes later. "Not that I don't want you here! I am just… surprised."
He had taken off his sunglasses but his hood still covered most of his head. His cheeks were unusually red and there was just something about him that didn't seem right.
"Well, yeah, it was supposed to be a surprise! I really just wanted to see you. But if it's a bad time…"
"No, no! It's all good." Chan smiled and grabbed Minho's face, pulling him into his well-deserved kiss. "You know I love seeing you."
From this close proximity Minho realized that Chan had been crying not too long ago. He even smelled like tears, his hoodie had gone through many inside-the-house cigarettes and his kiss smelled extra minty, like he just went to brush his teeth five minutes ago. Probably the first time in a few days, if the unusually prominent stubble on his chin and around his lips was anything to go by.
"Chan, are you sure? I don't want you to force yourself to see me. I want you to want it, you know? I'm not mad if you send me home. It's totally fine." Minho gently put his hands on Chan's cheeks, running his thumb over the hair partly hidden in the sides of his hood. He would be upset, sure, but he would never be mad at him for taking care of himself.
Chan frowned and scrunched his nose while forcing a wide smile on his lips. It was unnatural, almost scary, and soon the tears started falling from his glassy eyes.
Minho pulled him into a hug and tried his best to comfort him by kissing his hood-covered head and quietly telling him it was okay to cry, to let it all out. Chan was soon sobbing uncontrollably and Minho had to pick him up by his thighs to get him to his room. In terms of muscle weight it was probably good that Chan didn't go to the gym as much as he wanted to, or he would be much more difficult to carry.
And then Minho understood why Chan had sent him into the kitchen instead of his room. There were multiple ramen cups laying around and a half-eaten pizza in its box was occupying the only "free" spot on Chan's bed. Minho pushed the blanket and clothes pile away and sat down on the mattress with Chan on his lap, clinging on to him like a koala baby.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Minho tried carefully, unfamiliar with this type of situation. He had never been the person his friends came to when they had emotional issues. They came to him when they had to get rid of someone - legally, of course - or when they needed someone to distract them. Minho wasn't exactly the emotional type, but he would try his best, always.
"It's nothing. A-and everything. I don't, I don't know, I have no idea, I'm sorry," Chan sobbed and rubbed his sleeve over his face, covering it in snot and tears.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Dunno. Didn't want you to see. Sorry."
"Hey, shhht, no need to say sorry. I'm here for you now and, uh, if I can do anything to make you feel better, just tell me."
Chan didn't respond to that, they just spent an hour on his bed together, hugging and cuddling and at some point Chan started to calm down again, his sobs dying down to little sniffs and hiccups.
Days like these didn't happen a lot, but Minho had asked Chan to please tell him what's on his mind whenever he felt like this. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Rarely a day went by without some sort of self-depreciation comment, a hopeless "why am I even doing this?" or the occasional "I just want to take a dirt nap", one of Chan's jokes that Minho now knew were way more serious than he first thought.
And it started getting to Minho, too. Not in the empathetic way Seungmin had been affected when his boyfriend went through a bad mental health phase, but in a way that made Minho question his own existence. He had a good life, there was no reason to be this upset and hopeless, but the more he listened to Chan, the more useless he felt. As a boyfriend and as a person.
"What should I do?" Minho asked on a friendly meetup with Felix, sipping his iced coffee nervously. Chan hadn't texted him in two days and Minho was getting worried and frustrated.
"Well, usually I'd just say do what's best for yourself. But you know I'm friends with him, too. I guess the only thing you can do is talk it out. Try to explain and I'm sure he'll understand. Then maybe you can work something out."
"And then what? I don't want to break up with him, but it'll take a while for him to get better."
"Maybe you can help him. I know it won't be easy but if you really want to be there for him that's the only option, I guess."
Minho nodded and finished his coffee. And stared at the black screen of his phone. If Chan would just text him like he did when they first started dating. He missed the random pictures of stray cats Chan would send him even though he was a dog person, just because he knew Minho would appreciate them. He missed the fun word plays and random rhymes, even though he didn't understand half of them because his English just wasn't that good. Sometimes Minho forwarded them to Felix to ask what Chan meant and what reaction he would be expecting.
"Can you just give him some more time? I know he feels awful for bothering you with his shit. And you know that, too. Just… don't let him go, not yet. Okay?"
The way Felix's voice dropped to this serious tone, not demanding, but almost begging, kept stinging in his heart until long after they went home. He sent Chan a picture of himself snuggling his cat and asked how his day was, hoping that maybe in a few hours Chan would respond. When the first message came in only two minutes later, Minho was surprised, but smiled nonetheless. He would always smile when Chan's name showed up on his screen.
"Minho, he wants to send me to a psych ward."
And as quick as it came, the smile was gone again. He called Chan immediately, nervously pacing around in his flat.
"Chan! Hey. What, what do you mean he wants to send you to a psych ward? You didn't try to, you know…?"
"No! No, I didn't, I swear. I just… He just thinks it'd be good for my thoughts."
"Oh, okay. That's, uhm, that's good, I guess. Right?" Minho tried to imagine what it'd be like without Chan, and the fact that this was so easy to imagine gave him a stomachache. He didn't want to be without Chan. But was he really with him now anyway?
"Yeah, I guess. I just- I don't know if it'll change anything. I've been with those thoughts for so long now… I don't even know who I am without them. God, I'm pathetic, I'm sorry."
"No, you're not pathetic. Chan. Hey. This might be a great opportunity! And if it doesn't work out, at least you tried."
"And then? What's then, Minho? What if I do this, this last instance, and it doesn't help me? What am I supposed to do if this fails?"
Minho noticed the fragile tone in Chan's voice and suddenly his own throat felt like he could throw up a ball of cat fur. He wasn't wrong. If that failed, what else should he do?
"It'll be okay, Chan. I love you. I believe in you. And I'll be here when you come back. Okay?"
There was a moment of silence on Chan's side, then a huff, or maybe he was smoking. Minho leaned against his kitchen counter and stared outside his window, right at the gas station he first met Chan at. Minho had been working the night shift. Chan bought a pack of JPS and paid his full tank with cash. He even remembered the black My Chemical Romance hoodie he had been wearing, his hair dyed in a vibrant blue, dark roots growing out.
"I'm scared, Minho."
"That's okay. You'll do great. When are you leaving? Can I visit you?"
"I leave this weekend. First week is no visitors. After that, I don't know."
"Okay. Okay, we can do that, baby. It's all good. And hey, I'm proud of you! Okay?"
"Okay. I love you, Minho."
"I love you, too. Hey, can I drive you there? So I can see you again before you leave?"
"I would love that."
Minho smiled and pushed himself away from the counter.
"Tell me where you have to go and when I should pick you up. I'll see you then."
"Okay. Thank you. I have to hang up now. Bye."
The call ended and Minho let out a long, deep sigh. Wow. He hadn't expected this. But it was good. Maybe Chan needed that. Some time to really focus on himself and recover from whatever was pulling him down.
The ride to the hospital was a strange experience, but Minho was glad they did it. Chan was his usual hyper self, making jokes and singing along to the songs playing on the radio. Minho almost forgot where they were going, but every few minutes it was like an alarm clock going off in his brain, reminding him where they were heading and that Chan was probably just acting so Minho wouldn't feel bad. And maybe for his own nerves, too.
When they reached the huge, white building, located in a surprisingly pretty area, Chan pulled him as close as he could with both of them still sitting in the car and Minho never wanted their kiss to end. Didn't want Chan to leave. There was nothing sexy or hot about the situation, but oh the things Minho would've given to just sleep with Chan one more time before he left for an unforeseeable time. To at least suck him off, feel his big, strong hands in his hair, pulling and grabbing until he came down his throat, legs bouncing and fists shaking because he just couldn't express his lust and love for Minho in words anymore.
"I love you. Promise you'll do your best, okay? So you can come back to me soon."
Chan nodded and pecked Minho's lips before they got out of the car, walking towards the entrance hand in hand.
"I think I can go alone now," Chan said as the automatic door opened and Minho kissed his big, fluffy head.
"I'll see you soon."
Felix and Hyunjin had invited Minho to stay at the latter's place for a bit. They had ordered Chinese and didn't want Minho to be alone right after dropping Chan off. It was his first time seeing Hyunjin's apartment from inside, and the first time meeting his roommate. Jisung was a nice guy, fun to be around, and he could see why the three of them were so close.
"Hey Minho, do you like cats?" Jisung asked eventually and Minho nodded right away.
"Of course!"
"Thought so, you seem like a cat person. I work at an animal shelter, you don't maybe maybe want a cat, no? They're all really sweet! One of our new cats just got babies and we really need a proper home for them."
"Maybe I can stop by some time." He definitely would. If there was one thing you could bait Minho with, it was cats - especially tiny little baby kitties.
They exchanged numbers before Minho drove back home and he immediately sent Jisung pictures of his own cat. He had thought about getting another cat before, but there was always the risk that they wouldn't get along if he got another older cat. With babies that risk would be almost zero.
For the next two days Jisung sent him pictures of their animals in return, and on the third day Minho took a different route home from work to stop by at the shelter. They got along well, both Minho and the cats as well as Minho and Jisung. He told him stories about living with Hyunjin, about the constant fear of walking in on him and Felix making out in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom - anywhere, really.
"They're like, crazy about sex. Really. Lots of roleplay with spanking and slapping and all that kinky stuff. I once saw Felix drink something that he claimed was apple juice but I'm very sure it wasn't."
He and Chan weren't like that at all. Truth be told, it had been a while since they last had sex, but Minho still liked to think back to it. Slow, deep thrusts, with lots of kissing and hugging and cuddling. Jisung's stories made him wonder if there was anything crazy Chan was into that he just never had the courage to mention. How far he could push Chan, how loud he could make him moan.
In the beginning, Chan was always very quiet. It took a while until he let loose and started moaning and grunting while he moved his hips against Minho's. Expressing himself with his body had always seemed easier for Chan, and Minho loved that about him, and yet he couldn't help but wonder just how much he was holding back.
They never talked about Chan, not once. They didn't talk about his unfortunate cat fur allergy, didn't talk about the similar music taste he and Jisung had, didn't talk about the piercings Chan wanted but never got - the piercings Jisung had.
The first call from the hospital came on Friday, a week after he had dropped Chan off at the hospital. Minho was visiting Hyunjin and Jisung again, currently laying in the latter's bed, watching an anime Minho didn't really pay attention to because he forgot his glasses and the subtitles were just too small to read.
"Chan! Hi, how are you?" He jumped up from the bed and ran towards the bathroom, knocking at the door before opening to avoid accidentally walking in on Hyunjin and Felix. Jisung's stories were more than enough information, he didn't need the real experience.
"I'm good." The usual. "The place is really nice and- Wow, I missed you so much."
"I missed you, too! Are the people nice there? How's therapy going?"
"Most people are nice, yeah. Of course there's some people I don't really get along with but that's just how it is when you put a bunch of psychos in one dorm," Chan laughed and Minho's heart warmed up immediately.
"Hey, can you give me a minute so I can get the guys and put you on speaker? Felix really misses you, too. Or do you want to talk alone?"
"Oh, no, uhm, you can get Felix."
Minho opened the bathroom door and jogged into the living room, almost stumbling over a long object that looked suspiciously sexual.
"Chan's on the phone! Stop fucking and come here!" he yelled and a few seconds later the four of them were sitting on the couch together, Minho's phone on speaker.
"Hi Channie!" Felix called happily as he placed himself on Hyunjin's lap.
"Hi Lix! I don't have a lot of phone time but I'm so happy to hear you, fuck."
"Do you need anything? I know you felt like you forgot something when I drove you. Did you remember what it was?"
"No, I think I have everything. Thank you. I just miss you guys, like, so much."
"We miss you, too. Do you know how much longer you'll be staying?"
"I'm not sure. Depending on how I'm doing, maybe five weeks. Could be more, could be less. But I'll work hard. I really want to go home."
"I'll pick you up whenever you need me to."
"Thank you, baby. Oh, I have to go now. Ugh. I love you guys."
"Love you, too!"
"Ahh, I can't wait to see him again," Felix said, bouncing excitedly on Hyunjin's lap. "You'll take me with you when you go visit him, right Minho?"
Minho nodded and put his phone back in his pocket. Five weeks. He would mark that in his calendar, and who knows, maybe Chan would get out earlier. Minho knew he was working hard, he always did, so the chances were good.
"Hey, can I sleep here tonight? Tomorrow I'll take you all out for breakfast," Minho offered and the three agreed right away. Who could say no to free breakfast? He and Jisung walked back to his room, leaving Felix and Hyunjin to do whatever. They skipped back a few seconds on the episode and continued watching in comfortable silence.
Jisung's bed, if you pushed a bunch of pillows and stuffed animals aside, was big enough for both of them to sleep in, and Minho's cat was independent enough to go get some food outside if he got hungry.
The four of them spent the whole Saturday together. After breakfast Minho joined Jisung at the animal shelter where he got greeted by the little fur friends like they had known him for years. Felix and Hyunjin made brownies for everyone since neither of them was really hungry after their big breakfast.
When Minho was ready to go home, they spontaneously decided to go to the club one of Felix's many friends worked at as a bouncer. He borrowed some clothes from Felix and fixed his hair a bit before Hyunjin drove them to the club. Apparently, very much unlike Minho, he didn't like drinking, no matter the occasion.
Felix's bouncer friend was an interesting sight. Changbin was just around Jisung's height, even shorter as he was wearing creepers that gave him a little bit of a height advantage, but he was definitely strong enough to deal with even taller guests that might act up around the club.
"Don't get fooled though," Felix said after Changbin let them in, "he's really sweet when you get to know him out of work."
They danced, drank, talked, and Minho couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun. He wasn't exactly a big club goer, only on special occasions, and his friendship with the trio sure counted as such.
When Hyunjin collected everyone a few hours later, Minho barely remembered his name, but figured if someone as pretty as him was trying to kidnap him, he could just go with it.
Jisung and Felix weren't much better. At least Minho could still walk without scraping his knees and ruining his pants like Felix did. Jisung got surprisingly quiet the more he drank, but he also got a lot clingier, constantly trying to open the buttons of Minho's shirt.
When Minho woke up two inches away from Jisung's face, a headache slowly approaching and the memories of the nights coming in one after another he knew he should feel bad, but somehow… he didn't. He didn't move away, didn't try to wake Jisung, just pulled him closer and tried to fall back asleep before his headache could really kick in.
Jisung was fun, pretty, intelligent, and actually liked spending time with Minho. And when Jisung walked him to his car, Minho knew Jisung didn't feel too guilty about the whole thing, either. Felix advised him to do what was best for himself, right?
When Chan called again two days later he sounded exhausted but not exactly sad. He was working hard, making friends, and had started playing piano again, something he was quite passionate about when Minho first got to know him. And while waiting for Chan to come back so he could play for Minho, he listened to Jisung play the guitar. He was good, great actually, had been playing for almost ten years, and his voice matched the instrument perfectly. It was a bit higher than Minho's, so singing together was always the highlight of Minho's week.
Chan told him about the therapy dog he got to see sometimes, but Minho couldn't care less. He was a cat person after all. Ever since Jisung had introduced him to the cats in their shelter, he couldn't stop thinking about getting another feline fur friend. If he could, he would just adopt all of them.
As soon as Chan's phone time was over, Minho asked Jisung if he wanted to come over for dinner. They ordered chicken and Minho couldn't help but smile as he watched Jisung eat. No matter how often he saw his cute little cheeks expand with food, it would always make his heart warm. Jisung was pierced and tattooed, wore dark clothes and heavy boots, and yet his face was the cutest thing Minho had ever seen.
Since the shelter was closer to Minho's place than to Jisung, he often spent the night with him, sleeping together on his bed which was much smaller than Jisung's, but at least there were no stuffies taking up extra space. Minho didn't mind sharing his blanket and Jisung had once brought his own pillow which he never took back home. Minho had at least one of Jisung's shirts in his washing machine and tried not to think about all the socks laying in and under his bed. Jisung had the weird habit of going to sleep with his socks on, then woke up without them. One night Minho would figure out how he did that.
Whenever Hyunjin or Felix saw them walk together hand in hand, neither of them said a word. Minho knew Felix didn't really approve of it, but he probably couldn't blame him either. The only thing keeping him from congratulating Minho on his relationship with Jisung was his own friendship with Chan. But Minho didn't need his approval. He did what was best for himself.
They went on dates every week, switched between watching Jisung’s animes and Minho’s dramas, or just went to see some Hollywood movie in the cinema. The last option came to a halt for a while as Minho took Doongie and Dori home from the shelter to meet Soonie. They got along well, but the two new baby cats still liked to play with anything they could find in the living room, pushing down glasses and framed pictures, or dragging pillows around the room when nobody was watching.
Minho loved every second he got to spend with Jisung, but he would be lying if he said the sex wasn’t his favorite part. He had known Jisung was hot from the first time he met him, even before he found out about the tattoo wrapping all around his biceps and covering half his chest. Minho wasn’t exactly used to topping or even just riding someone. He had always been a bit of a pillow princess, letting others take care of him or ordering them to do so, but Jisung got so excited so quickly, there was no other option than for Minho to hold him down and fuck himself on his cock. The way Jisung squirmed and cried and begged for Minho to slow down, followed by a desperate “No, don’t stop, keep going!”, did something to him.
Minho started feeling more confident in bed and he loved the way Jisung responded to his shenanigans. Jisung was very vocal, completely bold, not an ounce of shame holding him back. Everyone who saw them together would probably expect Jisung to be the one leading their bedroom activities, and Minho couldn’t even blame them. They were both similarly built, but with his tattoos and piercings and the dirty, ripped clothes, Jisung didn’t exactly seem like someone who liked to listen to others.
Oh were they wrong. Most of the time, Jisung did exactly what Minho wanted him to do, even before he said so. He let him experiment, tried to push his own boundaries for Minho and responded to him with every fiber of his body. Overstimulating Jisung had become Minho’s new favorite activity. Seeing him squirm and beg with his puppy dog eyes while they were in public, knowing it’d take a while until they got home so Minho could take care of him properly made Minho’s heart warm and cock hard. He was perfect.
The next time Chan called, he excitedly told Minho that he’d be able to go home in a week. Minho tried not to think about it. He asked if and when he should pick him up, and how sure he was about the day. Minho knew Chan would come back eventually, yet he couldn’t help but hope that maybe they’d have another week. Or two. Or maybe a month. Thinking about having to break up with Chan right after he came back, right after he had healed made Minho feel sick. He should’ve done it before Chan left. He was definitely going to blame Felix for this dilemma.
“When I come back, can I sleep at yours for the first night? I don’t want to be alone right away.”
“Uhm, sure, but you should know that…” Was now the right time? Chan was still there with people who could take care of him if the breakup hit him too hard. Jisung had practically moved in with him by now. There was no way he could hide his new relationship from Chan. “I got two more cats. So, more fur.”
“Oh. Thanks for warning me. Then maybe we can sleep at my place?”
“I’ll see what I can do but I might have to work.”
“On a Sunday?” Chan didn’t sound suspicious, but maybe he was just good at hiding it. Even though it was the truth, Minho would’ve probably been suspicious. But Chan wasn’t always the brightest. Too naive for his own good.
“I got another job. At the animal shelter, you know? Just every once in a while when they need me.”
“That’s cool! I’ll spend this week trying to get a new job, too. Or, well, at least an interview. Maybe I’ll work at our gas station until I find a proper job.” The dreamy tone of Chan’s voice and the thought of him working basically right in front of him made Minho sick in the stomach.
“That sounds like a plan.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. I have to go now. I’ll see you on Saturday! Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Seeing Soonie sleep on the couch was the only thing that kept Minho from yelling at the top of his lungs in frustration. Even though he had a general idea of what he would get himself into when he started seeing Jisung more often, he never actually thought about having to deal with the consequences. He thought Jisung would be a temporary replacement until Chan came back, which probably wasn’t fair on either of them, but for Minho it was the only option. Jisung turning out to be his perfect match really wasn’t Minho’s fault.
With metaphorical steam coming from his ears, Minho grabbed his keys and wallet and drove his car to Felix’s place, passing one or two red lights on his way. He couldn’t care less. At this point, sending himself into a coma would be kind of a blessing.
When he reached Felix’s flat he rang the doorbell non-stop for what felt like ten minutes at least, until the door finally opened.
“Minho, what the fuck?” Felix rubbed his eyes, face bare of any makeup and hair pushed back in a hair band. Poor boy had been asleep, as it seems. Too bad.
“Yeah, what the fuck, Felix!” Minho yelled and pushed him into his own apartment. Felix stumbled back and almost tripped over the shoes laying on the floor. “This is your fucking fault!”
“Hey! What are you even talking about?” Felix tried to keep his voice down to prevent Minho from boiling over completely, but he had already been gone before he got to Felix.
“You! I’m talking about the shit you did! You say you care about Chan, yeah? Well, guess what! You’re a hypocrite, a fucking hypocrite! You told me not to break up with him before he got better, then you introduced me to Jisung and never said a word! Now Chan is coming back soon and I have to deal with it while you can act like his innocent bestie who had nothing to do with it. Wrong! Fucking wrong! This is your fault!”
Felix raised a brow at Minho like a parent who just heard their child drop the F-bomb for the first time and made himself taller in front of him. He had let him yell out his anger because he knew stopping him wouldn’t get them anywhere, but he wasn’t going to take responsibility for Minho’s actions.
“Do not make this about me, Minho.”
“Well but it is-”
“I could have tried to stop you, yes. But would you have listened to me? No. We both know you wouldn’t. And I didn’t introduce you to Jisung with the intention of hooking you up. I knew you would get along, yes. That doesn’t mean I’m the reason you chose to cheat on Chan. You could’ve broken up with him at any time, but you’re a coward. That’s why you’re trying to blame me now.” Even after being yelled at and pushed around, Felix was painfully calm.
“Oh cut the shit, Felix! Why did you stop me from breaking up before Chan left, huh?”
“Because I had hope, Minho. I hoped you two would get fucking married one day! I didn’t think you would replace Chan with the next guy you met.”
“Are you calling me a whore now?”
“I’m not calling you a whore. Stop trying to cause even more drama. I can see you and Jisung get along well. I can see how you look at each other. I’m not blind. That’s also why I didn’t say anything. Even though I don’t approve of how all this went down, I do believe you and Jisung are a great match.”
Minho growned. He came here to scream at Felix and blame him for all the shit Minho had done, not to get lectured by someone two years younger than him. How could he be so objective? Why couldn’t he just wrongly admit everything was his fault, or at least yell back so Minho didn’t feel like an immature loser?
“So, when is Chan coming back?” Felix asked and fixed his hair band as if nothing had happened. Minho huffed and untangled the strings of Felix’s hoodie, a silent plea for forgiveness.
“Saturday. He asked me to spend the night with him.”
“Are you going to do that?”
“I don’t know. I mean- I don’t want him to come back and be like ‘Hey, by the way, we can’t be together tonight, or at all, because I’ve been cheating on you the whole time you were gone and now we’re basically living together.’ Who does that? I don’t wanna be a dick.”
“You won’t get out of this without being a dick, Minho. Lucky for you, I have actually prepared for the day he comes back, and I’m willing to help you.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes. One last time. And I’m doing it to make things easier for Chan, not for you. Are we clear on that?”
“Yes, sure. What’s your plan?”
Minho loved his relationship to Jisung, and he loved his friendship with Felix and Hyunjin. He had other friends, sure, but there was a reason those two were his first pick. When Felix told him about his plan, Minho knew this was going to change. He knew Chan wouldn’t want to see him anymore, and he also understood that it could be perceived as yet another form of betrayal if Felix and Hyunjin kept spending time with Minho and Jisung. The breakup would not only be between Minho and Chan, but between all of them. And it was exclusively Minho’s fault.
“If you’re mad at me I get that,” Minho hummed that Sunday night, cuddling Jisung in his warm bed while trying not to think too much about the next day.
“I’m not. It’s not like I’m completely innocent here.” Jisung put his leg over Minho’s waist to call him closer, basically squishing his face into his chest. “The main part is on you, I agree, but at least a quarter of the fault goes to me.”
“So that’s just what we are now? The asshole cheater ex and the guy he used to replace his ex with?” Minho huffed and angled his legs differently to keep his feet warm under the blanket.
“You didn’t use me. And you’re not an asshole. It was an asshole-move, yes, but that doesn’t define you.”
“Sungie?”
“Mhm?”
“I… Thank you.”
Felix had offered to spend the night with Chan as long as Minho promised to break up with him on Sunday. No games, no secrets, only the hard truth. Felix didn’t care if he did it alone or together with Jisung, but Felix would be right there to take Chan home afterwards.
Sunday was the first time Minho felt guilt for cheating on Chan. Spending the morning with Jisung, making breakfast and watching him come out of the shower all hot and wet, suddenly felt like committing a crime. But there was no way back now. Minho wouldn’t break up with Jisung out of guilt to try to fix things with Chan, which probably wouldn’t work out anyway, leaving Minho alone in his misery.
But maybe that’s what he deserved.
“Hi Chan, Felix,” Minho greeted the two men in front of his door. Neither of them seemed happy to see him, and Minho didn’t miss Chan’s eyes darken as Jisung appeared behind him. “Please, come in.”
Chan sighed and shook his head, not moving his feet at all. He looked taller now, almost the same height as Felix, but maybe that was just because of his shoes. When had he bought those?
“Just tell me what you have to say. I’m not stupid, Minho. Just tell me what’s up.”
“Can we… Can we please go inside?”
“No. Say what you have to say, Minho.”
This was new. Usually, if Minho asked Chan to do something, he would just do it. No questions asked. Now he looked at Minho like he would jump at his throat any second.
“Okay. Chan, I’m so, so sorry. You have to believe me. But things haven’t been working out with us for a while now, and then you left, and Felix introduced me to Jisung and just- One thing led to another, you know? I, I didn’t mean to betray you like this. Or at all! I mean, it just… happened.” Minho had grabbed Jisung’s hand behind his back and squeezed it tightly. He felt fucking awful.
“All right,” Chan said and walked past Felix, back to his car. Minho watched him leave with huge eyes. He had expected everything, but not this.
“Wait! You’re just, just going to leave like that?” Minho whined, even though he wasn’t sure what else he was hoping for. It would just hurt both of them if Chan started crying or begging or yelling, or maybe even all together. He should be happy with his reaction.
“I love you, Minho. Always have. And I’m not going to pretend like I don’t. So please leave me alone. I hope you two will be happy together.”
Minho would’ve rather received a punch in his face or even a kick in his nuts. He had expected Chan to hate him, not to declare his love for Minho during a breakup talk.
“Chan, I’m truly sorry.”
“I don’t believe you. But thank you. I worked hard to heal and improve for you, for us. But that’s okay. I probably wouldn’t be here without you.” Chan’s eyes started glistening with tears and Minho’s throat was getting drier with every second.
“Should we leave?” Felix asked in a whisper, but Minho heard it anyway. Chan nodded and looked Minho in the eyes for a long, painful moment, then turned around to enter Felix’s car. Minho didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want Chan to leave, but he knew he couldn’t keep him, either. Jisung gently pulled him inside the house and closed the door.
So that was it? Would he ever see Chan again? Or Felix? Or Hyunjin? Was Chan still going to take that job at the gas station? Was Minho allowed to text Felix or Hyunjin and ask how they were doing?
“Hey, are you okay?” Jisung asked quietly and stepped on his toes to kiss Minho’s forehead.
“Yeah. I just… I hope I did the right thing.” He did, he knew he did. After all, he was with Jisung now. Sure, he lost two, three friends, but he gained a soulmate. What more could he ask for?
“I’ll make sure you don’t regret this. Ever.”