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Language:
English
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Published:
2025-07-29
Completed:
2025-09-26
Words:
857
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
17
Kudos:
19
Bookmarks:
1
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174

House x Sans Office AU (crackfic turned serious i think???)

Summary:

Y/N works an average job in an average office. Though, their coworkers are anything but average.

A story of relationship drama, offices, and divorce through pregnancy.

(This started off as a joke but i'm making multiple chapters now, hahaha fuck you cringe culture)

Notes:

sorry for not posting any fics for a while, i had a few phighting ones i was supposed to work on but the phestival started and i played so much that my hands were in pain so i gave up and ended up with this instead. maybe i'll work on them again? hopefully, i got some good ideas

and no i will not be paying for your therapy after this

btw i have not watched house or played undertale and i am unemployed

Chapter 1: Please stop flirting, it's 9AM on a monday.

Summary:

Y/N receives some shocking news from their coworkers.

Notes:

DISCLAIMER: This chapter was written as a oneshot/crackfic, the next chapters are written somewhat seriously. This one's the outlier. It gets better from here, I promise.

Chapter Text

“Y/N, this is the third time this week you’ve been late.”
Bill spun in his chair to face you as you opened his office door. As the boss, he made sure everything went to plan. You’d been showing up later than usual, and it didn’t slip by Bill.
“If there’s any issues at home, I need you to tell me. I don’t want to lower your pay, but it’s not off the table.”
Before you could reply, your coworker House slammed the door open with his cane.
“Mr. Cipher, Sans sent me to tell you he needs 6 months of paid time off.”
“What?! I’m in the middle of a meeting, House!” Bill stood up, slamming his hands on his desk.
“I can see that, sir, but Sans is pregnant.”
The room went silent as you stood in shock. Sans was pregnant?! As in, your other coworker Sans?! You thought he was divorced. Bill shook off his obvious confusion before speaking again.
“Y/N, please step out for a minute. I need to have a conversation with your coworker here.”
“You can stay, Y/n.”
You locked eyes with the figure of Sans, approaching from the doorway. He stepped into the office and took his place next to House, giving you a quick smile before addressing Bill once again.
“Mr. Cipher, it is my right to receive a minimum of six months of paid time off after childbirth. I know you don’t want me away from work for too long, so I will not demand any additional time. House and I have decided this is the best way for us to raise our child.”
“Wait, you and HOUSE?!” You finally spoke up after waiting in silence.
“Yes. Apologies for not telling you sooner, Y/N. Sans and I are getting married, and we’re having a child.”
House and Sans met each other’s eyes, leaving you and Bill in an awkward silence. House was still married to Sebastian, wasn’t he? What kind of affair were your coworkers having?
“Sans, you are correct. I am legally obliged to give you six months time off. However, you must do two things for me first. Number one, throw this pencil sharpener at Y/N. They were late again.”
Without hesitation, you found a pencil sharpener hurled into your face. It made direct contact, bouncing off your jaw before falling to the floor. Bill made his second request before you could question him, if you dared to.
“Second, prove your love to House. How do I know you’re truly his omega?”
Without an ounce of hesitation, House pulled Sans into a passionate kiss. It was disgusting to watch.
“...sir, may I be excused?”
“Yes Y/N, you are excused.”
You left the three to their business, heading off towards your computer to work. That was enough drama (and yaoi) for one day.

Chapter 2: Well, so much for that.

Summary:

House gets into an argument, and Y/N overhears some interesting drama.

Notes:

So I wrote another chapter. Why? I don't know. Bored i guess.

This is my first fic with multiple chapters, and I fear I'm getting attached to the story and really want to see how this ends. I have the next chapter planned out and I was able to write this chapter quite fast, so maybe I can start updating this regularly. I've started taking a writing class after school as well, so i could turn this into a serious fic. Also i figured out how to format stuff so. yippee???

Anyways yeah, if this is actually something other people are interested in i'd love to hear your thoughts (and tips) so this can maybe continue. I'll tell you now, this is only the beginning. :)

by the way i wrote this in science while i was supposed to be studying for an exam please dont let this flop

Chapter Text

Just another day at work. You typed idly on your computer, filling out blank spreadsheets and making calls. It wasn’t anything unique, you’d done this for years.

Though, today was different. The air felt tense, and you could hear you coworker House arguing over the phone as he came in. Not even your boss wanted to intervene.

House paid no attention to you as he entered. Whatever he was arguing about, it sounded intense. You didn’t want to get involved, so you kept your head down and focused on your spreadsheets.

 

By the time House hung up, you’d finished your spreadsheet. Mr. Cipher opened his office door and approached House, silently motioning for him to come. This was unlike him, Bill always just called your name. As House slammed the door shut behind him, you considered listening in. The blinds were shut, you could easily listen in without being spotted.

Carefully, you got up from your seat and stalked towards the office door. You knew this was wrong, listening into a private conversation. Would you be punished if you were caught? Hopefully not. You shoved that thought away for the time being.

 

“Dr. House, I understand that your relationship is… challenged, but I can’t have you distracting my employees. Please, if you need to take a call, head to the break room.”

“Sir, you don’t understand how dire this is. Sans cheated on me. With my ex-husband.”

 

Whoa.

That must’ve been what the argument was. You knew House and Sebastian got divorced last week, but you didn’t know Sans was cheating. Their wedding was in a week, why would Sans cheat?

You tried to make sense of it in your head, but it made no sense. Maybe Sebastian spread lies about House so Sans wouldn’t trust him? You couldn’t know for sure.

 

“I’m so sorry, House. I know Sebastian hurt you, and I know Sans broke your trust. If Sans has proven to be untrustworthy, perhaps he isn’t suited for this career. I’ll cut his pay starting next week, and he won’t be returning to this building.”

“Agreed. I appreciate the understanding, sir.”

“You are excused from this meeting. Thank you for the heads-up.”

“No problem.”

 

House exited the office, satisfied with the meeting’s outcome.

 

“Oh. Hey, Y/N.”