Chapter Text
“Pen, please open up! I’m sorry!”
“No! Go away!”
“I didn’t mean it 一”
“Well you said it!” to which she is met with silence on the other side of the door.
“ …. Were you ever punished as a child? When will you learn your lesson?!” she screams, tears streaming down her face. Then quietly, in a tone that completely shatters his heart. “I can’t believe we’re here again.”
“Pen!”
“No! I need space.” She walks away from the door, as he sits on the other side with his hands in his face realizing what he has done. He stays there for a couple hours, just in case, before finally standing up. His muscles ache, but it feels appropriate because everything aches. It should ache. He did this. To her.
Everything feels sharp and dull at once, but he knows he can't stay outside her door forever. He texts her an “I’m leaving. I’ll talk to you tomorrow” text before driving to Bridgerton House for the night. He drudges up the stairs when his mom appears in her evening robe with a worried frown.
“Is everything alright, dear? I thought you were out with Penelope?”
Colin slinks down to sit at the top of the stairs and starts crying again. “I messed up, Mum. I really messed up.”
Violet moves to sit next to him and pulls him in to snuggle, as best she can as a 5’ 5” woman against her 6’ 2” adult son. She had noticed a change in her son lately, and Penelope was smiling a bit more openly, but she was waiting for them to tell her. But seeing him here now, she is just as heartbroken as her son is. She will just hug him until he is ready to go to sleep, and she’ll be ready in the morning to talk with him and see what happened.
Around 3 am Colin finally is calm enough to stand back up and walk to his room with her support. She helps him out of his clothes like when he was a little boy, and she tucks him under the covers and gives him a kiss on the forehead.
“We will figure this out together, my darling boy. Mummy is here for you.” With that, she closes the door and heads to her room to try and get some sleep before her usual 6 am alarm. As a mum, she is used to sleepless nights, but it’s been a while since she stayed up so late because they were crying. The work of a mum does not stop when her babies are grown up.
***************
It is nearly noon when Colin emerges from his room, looking very emotionally hungover. His eyes are red and puffy, and his clothes from last night are hanging off of him and smell a little (though not as bad as when they were teenagers and would forget to wear deodorant).
“Good morning, Colin,” Violet chirps, placing the book she was reading on the table to smile at him.
“Morning, Mum,” Colin grumbles.
“How’d you sleep?”
“Ughhh, not great. God, my head hurts so bad.” He sinks into the chair next to her and puts his head in his lap. Violet leans over to hug him by the shoulders, but he’s a bit too long to reach all the way across so she ends up patting him on the back, which earns her a soft chuckle. She’ll take it. The day is young and emotional devastation takes time to heal from.
“So, what’s the plan today?” she asks with a bit too much enthusiasm for him as he winces at her volume.
“Umm, I don’t know. I was supposed to spend the day with Pen at her favorite bookstore, but …” he starts crying again. “I don’t know.” He leans into her shoulder, and his crying escalates to a sob. Oh her poor baby. She wraps her arms around him best she can and holds him once more. If only she could have him snuggle in her lap like when he was a boy and had a hard day. It was simpler when all he needed was a band aid and a kiss from mummy. She tries to hold back her tears. It cuts even deeper when it’s her children’s pain compared to her own. She lets him sit there and cry for about 20 more minutes before she turns to look at him.
“Hi baby, do you want to hang out with me this weekend? I know I’m not Pen, but maybe we can make our own fun. I’d love some Colin/Mum time.” She smiles, and he smiles so gently, she can feel her tears welling again. She pushes it aside and stands up.
“Okay, come on. Let’s get dressed. I have a busy day, which means you have a busy day.” She puts her hand on his cheek, and he softly leans in. She kisses him on the forehead, before helping him to stand up, as they walk together hand in hand. She misses the days when his hand was smaller than hers. All her children are grown, though now she gets to be grandmama to her grandchildren and the joy of seeing your babies with their own babies is more than words can express.
***************
Once Colin emerges from his room, showered and with fresh clothes, he asks, “So what’s your plan, Mum? Um, what do you do all day? …. Sorry that’s a weird question, but I hadn’t really thought about what you do outside of when I see you.”
“No worries, sweetheart. It’s what keeps mums mysterious! We are always busy, but we make it look effortless. Or at least we try. Luckily kids don’t remember the mess ups as much as we do.” She chuckles to herself, and she puts on her walking shoes and grabs her purse and a few extra totes.
“First, we are going over to Daphne’s. I usually stop by for a few hours on the weekend to hold Belinda so Daphne can play with Auggie and she can have her one on one time.”
“Cool! I’d love to see them! What will you need me to do?”
“You can sit with me or ask Daphne or Simon what they need. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just show up.” He looks at her thoughtfully, and she knows she’s on the right track.
“Hi Daphne! Simon! Where are my cuties?!” Violet opens the door and immediately throws her arms wide open before kneeling down when she hears “Grandmama! Grandmama!”
“Oh my sweet Auggie! I missed you!”
“Mum, you saw us a few days ago.” Daphne laughs.
“I know, but any day without any of my babies is too long. I love you all so much.” Violet says as she keeps squeezing Auggie. “Now give me my beautiful Belinda! Go have fun without us.”
“Hi Daph! Where do you want me? I’m with Mum for the weekend.” Colin quietly waves and shifts, trying to figure out what he can do to help. Daphne looks at Violet with a knowing question, and Violet responds with a quick shake to say “not yet.”
“Um, you can hang with Mum and Bels. But you’re welcome to join me and Auggie if you want.”
“I’ll stay with Mum this time. I miss Bels.” He looks at his tiny niece with the softest smile before leaning down to give Auggie a squeeze. “I promise to take Auggie to the zoo for some Uncle Colin time soon.”
“I go zoo?!” Auggie yells, looking at his mum.
“Soon, sweetheart. Let’s go play magnatiles and read stories with mummy.”
“All the storwees?”
“Yes, baby. All the stories.” Violet watches Auggie and Daphne walk hand in hand- well more like holding finger in hand because Auggie has the tiniest little hands so he could only hold onto Daphne by one of her fingers.
“Hi Bels! I missed you! Yes, I did! You are so beautiful and smart! You are so smart! Oh I love you so much! Yes I do!” Violet coos at her granddaughter while smothering her in kisses, hearing her tiny little baby giggle come out. She gets all the cute and snuggles with a lot less work. Being a grandmama is the best name upgrade since becoming a mum over 30 years ago.
“Look, it’s your Uncle Colin. He is so sweet too! He was the sweetest baby, but not as sweet as you. Oh I could eat these cheekies!” She laughs as she pretends to eat Bels’s cheeks, which earns a quick laugh from Colin to her delight. She carries her over to Belinda’s nursery and notices the pile of baby clothes on the chair. “Sweetheart, can you put away these clothes so I can sit down? Daphne must have forgotten to put everything away before we came over.”
“Sure, Mum. I got it.” Colin springs into action and starts to fold the onesies and other baby items and put them in their respective shelves.
Violet stands up with Bels and hands her to Colin. “I’ll be right back sweetheart, going to see if Daphne needs anything else done while I’m here.”
“Oh sure Mum, of course.”
Violet walks out the door and hears Colin start talking to Belinda, “Hi pretty girl. I love you. You’re so small and tiny and perfect. I’m having a hard day today and I know you don’t understand me, but I really messed up. I did something stupid and hurt your Auntie Pen, and she got really mad. I mean she’s right. If anyone did that to you, I would beat them up with your daddy and other uncles.” She can hear him start to well up talking to his niece when she lets out a yawn. “Okay, cutie, I hear ya. Naptime it is.” He zips her into her swaddle and lays her down in the crib, turning off the lights and turning the sound machine on.
He slowly backs out and sees his mum standing there. “Hi Mum,” he whispers. “She was getting sleepy so I put her down. Was that okay?”
“Of course dear, we’ll listen in to see if she falls asleep or if she needs a bit more snuggles first. Join me in the kitchen. I’m going to wash some bottles.”
They walk over and she starts at the sink, washing bottles as Colin unloads the dishwasher. They do their work in silence when Colin finally remarks, “I never would’ve thought to put away dishes or laundry if I wasn’t here with you.”
“That’s okay, you don’t have to. Acts of service is your sister’s love language. Plus it’s relaxing to me.”
Colin continues to clean up around the kitchen as Violet washes all the bottles and their many parts. She doesn’t remember all these pieces when she had babies, but she is glad some things have changed since she became a mum for the easier.
Daphne walks into the kitchen right as Violet is finishing up. “Oh my goodness! Thank you! Ugh! I was dreading washing them during naptime ... did Bels go down okay? Just snuck away from Auggie.”
“Yes, here’s the monitor. Took a few minutes, but she’s down.”
“Oh good, and thanks Col. I have not seen the bottom of the sink for a while.”
Violet notices that Colin’s ears get red like they do when he’s embarrassed. Well it’s an improvement from tears, she thinks to herself. “Well, we’ll give you an hour of peace before they wake up.”
She leans down to kiss Daphne on the forehead, “I love you. You’re doing great.”
“Thanks, Mum,” Daphne beams. “And you too, Colin. Welcome over anytime now that you’re staying in town more.” She touches his arm and whispers, “I’m here for you too, big bro,” before kissing his cheek.
As Violet and Colin walk to the car, he turns and gives her a hug. She can tell he is still not ready to talk yet, so she breaks the silence herself. “Okay, we’re heading over to the market next. Going to gather some fun ingredients to bake with Hy and Greg. ”
***************
After a quick trip to the market, they return home and Colin hears Hyacinth and Gregory bounding down the stairs. “Mum!” “Mum, I need you! “No, I need her first.” “Mine is more important.” “No, it’s not. “Yes, it is.” “MMMMUUUMMM!”
“Okay, hello, hi my lovely children. First, I need help with the bags.”
Gregory races to beat Hyacinth and taunts her, “I beat you. Plus I can hold more bags.”
“Yeah cuz you are trying to impress Lucy, but it isn’t working,” she retorts with all the teenage sass that Violet knows and loves. Somehow her youngest has the same amount of sass as her seven siblings combined. Her youngest two are really giving her her money’s worth of her last few years with teenagers. If motherhood was supposed to get easier the more children you have, Violet must have missed that memo.
Colin interjects, “Let Mum breathe, you lot! Plus we got baking supplies to make cookies. Are you in?”
Hyacinth looks down at her feet with a look of worry so Violet steps in, “What’s wrong, darling?”
“Um, Ineedhelpwithmath,” she quickly spits out.
“Okay, maybe a bit slower,” Violet quips.
“I need help with math,” Hy grunts back, clearly embarrassed.
“No worries, we can figure it out together, right? What’s the issue?”
“It’s calculus. It’s just so confusing and I don’t get it, and grrrr. Why do I even need math?”
“Bring your homework downstairs, and I’ll bake and we’ll talk.” Hyacinth looks a bit lighter as she goes up the stairs.
“Now, Gregory, what was your question?” Violet asks. She notices that Colin is back in the foyer, listening in.
“I have a date tonight, and I do not know what to wear. Also, how do I make a girl like me?”
“I think your brother might have some more advice than me, but I would say to be yourself and listen to her. What does she like?”
“Oh hmmm, well she likes the color purple. Ah! And cookies. And chocolate. Can I bring some to her tonight?”
Violet laughs, “I think we will have plenty leftover for you to bring on your date, sweetheart. C’mon, let’s start.”
She corrals him and Colin into the kitchen, tying an apron around her waist. Baking is a lot less messy without toddlers, but a food fight has been known to happen if there were too many Bridgerton siblings in the kitchen. The Chocolate Cake Incident of 2015 ™ tooks days to clean it all up. And the kitchen smelled like chocolate and flour forever. Though the memories were the best part, they always were. Colin grabs the mixer from the cabinet, as Gregory is grabbing more chocolate chips from the pantry. “White chocolate is Lucy’s favorite, can we use these too?”
“Obviously! I like her already!” Violet exclaims. “Double chocolate chip cookies coming up. Never too many types of chocolate in one cookie.”
Hyacinth walks in with her arms full of her math homework. She sits down on one of the stools at the island and opens her textbook. “We’re learning about limits, and it doesn’t make any sense.”
“Hmm, well I don’t remember much of limits from your siblings, but maybe if you talked it out.” Violet offers.
“Colin! Do you know?”
“Sorry, Hy. Math wasn’t my strongest either. Do your best, and I’m here if you need me.” He hugs her tight from behind. “I believe in you, kiddo. You’re the smartest of us. Don’t tell Anthony.” She giggles at that with a bit more confidence. Violet smiles at Colin with a soft “thank you.”
Colin turns to his little brother, “Now Greggy, tell me about Lucy and your date.”
“Well she’s in some of my classes, and she’s really nice. And super hot. Like when she wears these ….” Colin clears his throat and tilts his head towards their mum. “Oh right, and she’s really smart. I was going to take her out to mini golf and then dinner. I was going to leave around 5:30 to pick her up. The cookies will be done by then?”
“Yes,” Violet replies. “I will make sure some are ready by then. But you should probably start getting ready soon if you want to leave on time.”
Gregory looks at Colin, “Shower, clean shaven, smell nice, and dress nicer. I can grab you a cologne I bought in Venice. Super cool shop. Third-generation. I’ll run up and get it when you’re ready.”
“Cool! Thanks, Mum! Thanks Colin!” Gregory heads up the stairs, as Violet hears Hyacinth muttering to herself talking through the limits. She knows that Hy loves being around people, but sometimes just needs to talk it over. She’s seen this happen so many times where she gets stuck in her head alone in her room and being amongst the chaos shakes her out of it.
Violet continues to measure the ingredients, turning her attention to Colin. “So sweetheart, anything you want to talk about?” He looks a bit flushed and nervous. “Can be anything. Does not need to be anything about last night,” she drops her voice to a whisper. While Hy loves the noise to help her focus, she can’t resist gossip and drama. This is for her own protection - and Colin’s - she muses.
“I was thinking about getting a flat. Maybe a house. Since I’m staying long term.”
“Yay! I’m so excited! All my babies will be close by. Where are you thinking?”
“Bloomsbury, it’ll be close to my job ….”
“And Pen’s too, right?” Hyacinth interrupts. Violet sees Colin’s face. Honestly, it would have been kinder to slap him at this moment than say her name. But she knows Colin doesn’t want the family to know what is going on.
“I think so. So how’s maths coming along,” Violet pivots.
“Better. I think. It’s making a little more sense.”
“Good good. Colin, can you crack three eggs please?”
“We have the townhouse in Bloomsbury that Anthony used to rent out, we should ask him later if it’s available.”
“Oh that’s a great idea! I remember it had the prettiest little garden out back with a bunch of light. When it’s not rainy,” he jokes. She breathes a bit easier. He is slowly finding his way back to his normal self. Taking more time than usual, but she supposes that a fight with Pen would set him back further than normal. As she puts the cookies in the oven and starts the timer, she watches Hyacinth head upstairs. She’ll come back once the cookies are ready in about 20ish minutes. She seems to be in a good spot with her homework. Some of her kids needed more hands-on help with school, but Hyacinth loves to prove herself.
***************
“Mum, Pen and I have been secretly dating for the last four months,” he starts, while Violet tries to contain her smile, knowing that something happened. “And last night she overheard me say ‘I’d never date Pen. Not in your wildest dreams.’ But I was just trying to get Fife and Cho to back off. They were talking about her in ‘a way unbecoming of men,’ as you’d say. Now she thinks I’m ashamed of her. But I’m not.” His voice breaks at the end, his lip quivering as she wraps her arms around him and he cries into her shoulder. “I love her, and I messed it up.” They stand like that until the oven beeps, and he quickly grabs an oven mitt and takes the cookies out to cool before looking back at his mum. “I messed up and she’s so mad at me, and I get it, but how do I prove to her that I love her?” He is looking at her like she holds the answers to the universe, waiting for her to fix it. But mummy magic has its limits, sadly.
“Oh sweetheart, you have to show you love her. You have nothing to prove. She loves you.”
“How do I do that? I tell her I love her, but …”
“Why were you secretly dating? Who else knew?”
“Um, it kinda just started when I stayed over a few months ago. We were sitting on the couch, and I just had this thought that I should kiss her. She was so beautiful.” Violet watches his eyes light up as he remembers their first kiss. It reminds her of when Edmund would talk about their first kiss. She sees so much of Edmund in Colin, and when he talks about Penelope, the shy little girl next door, it’s like looking in a mirror. But then she sees that joy flicker into pain, and he closes his eyes and flinches. “I was awful. I told her that I didn’t want anyone to know yet and then I went out with some friends and got drunk and a girl tried to kiss me - I pushed her away - but Pen saw when she came to drive me home.”
Violet watches her son start to cry.
“And the worst part, it’s not the first time she overheard me saying something like that about her,” his voice cracks as he continues. “I love her, and she’s so brilliant and beautiful and I didn’t feel worthy.”
“Oh sweetheart, you don’t have to be worthy to receive love.” She puts her hand on his face, and he leans in. “She loves you just as you are. Just as you love her for exactly who she is.”
“But I really messed up. I made her doubt that love. Oh my God…. how do I fix it?” He leans all the way into Violet’s body and sobs. She holds him for about 15 minutes before she hears the timer ding, indicating the cookies were done.
“I am going to take the cookies out, and I’ll be right back. Don’t move. I love you. It’ll be okay. I’m here to help. Always.” She gives him a forehead kiss before standing up and walking to the kitchen.
***************
Violet feels her phone buzz in her pocket and smiles as she answers, “Hi Eloise! How are you?”
“Good, Mum. How are you?” Eloise responds through the speaker.
“I am taking cookies out of the oven. I made them with Colin while Hy and Greg talked with us.”
“Oh, um what kind?” Eloise asks, and Violet knows that her daughter is trying to deflect. Violet has children who will call to chit chat and gossip and talk as long as she’ll listen, and Eloise is not one of them.
“Double chocolate chip. Darling, why did you call? Did something happen? Are you okay?” She places the tray on a silicone mat as she sets the next timer before she can take them off the tray.
“I’m fine, Mum. Just had a question about a friend thing.”
“Of course, ask away.” Violet notices that Colin is standing by the door frame listening in. He stopped crying, but had that glassy look on his face where he was both totally tired and awake from all the emotions. She motions to him to sit as she listens to Eloise.
“So Pen has been crying the whole day today, and that has happened before but this time it’s bad. She locked herself in her room and won’t talk to me. All she said was “he did it again,” which I totally don’t get. Who is ‘he?’ What ‘again?’ Anyway, can you send me that chicken noodle soup recipe you always make us when we are sick? I thought it’d be nice to have that on hand to offer her.”
“I am sorry Pen is having a bad day. I’ll have to reach out to her myself, thanks for letting me know. And I’ll text it to you now. Or at least once I can find the link and text it to you, so maybe a few minutes,” she chuckles to herself, and Colin gives a weak smile back. She is now removing the cookies from the mat and placing them on a plate, offering one to Colin.
“Thank Mum! Love you.” Eloise chirps.
“I love you too. Talk soon. Bye.”
She turns her attention to her child in front of her, “Colin, can you help me send the link? I have a photo on my phone.”
“Mum, is it a link or a photo? Because those are two different things.” His smile turns up a smidge more. He takes a bite of his cookie before placing it back to take her phone.
“It’s under ‘chicken noodle soup recipe’ on this app Anthony bought for me called Paprika so I can share recipes with him easily. He’s been putting some family recipes there so he can cook and bake with his kids.”
Colin scrolls through her pages of apps. He grimaces, and she knows that this is not the end of their phone conversation. All eight of her children have opinions on her use of technology, so she usually lets them do whatever makes them feel better. Sometimes it’s easier as a mum to just let your children guide you rather than telling them where to go. Anthony is her usual tech help, but she guesses Colin has volunteered himself for the weekend.
She laughs, “Anthony set some things up for me. Same with Hy, but you know I mostly use my phone to text and call you all.”
Colin’s face softens, “I know, we joke about it in the sibling group chat. Will definitely be sharing the link photo mishap.” They laugh together, and she’s glad to see him feeling a little brighter after having told her what happened. Tears do not help beyond the immediate release, but usually help get to a better place after. She’s hoping that’s what this weekend together will be: a chance for him to reflect and then move forward.
“I know, Hy tells me the ‘tea’ when I take her out on our monthly mum/daughter date. I buy her a new outfit or take her to a fancy dinner, and we chat. I love it. It’s so nice getting one-on-one time with everyone.” She takes her phone back and gives him a tight squeeze. “I love you all so much, and this weekend has been so special with you.”
“Even though I have cried a lot,” Colin winces.
“Especially then.” She replies, squeezing even tighter. “I am here for the good and bad, the easy and the hard. It’s all a part of loving someone as much as I love you.”
He closes his eyes like he has a memory pop up; he shakes his head and squeezes her back. “Thanks…. Okay, which sibling is next on the agenda? Seriously, it seems like all you do is take care of us. When do you get time for you?” He says half joking, half serious.
She looks at the clock and then she looks at him with a straight face trying to hold in a laugh, “Benedict.”
“How could you possibly know he’s next?!” Colin laughs back.
“Because he is coming at 5 to help me hang a painting. And it’s nearly 5 now.”
There is noise in the foyer, and they hear, “Hi Mum and family! The artist formerly known as Benedict has arrived.”
“Hey Ben!” Greg yells as he walks down the stairs.
“Greggy! Looking sharp, you have a date?”
‘Yes, Mum and Colin helped a little. Any last minute advice?”
“Um, make sure you get her number before the night is over, and you’ll have done better than me.” Benedict jokes, “But seriously, just be nice and listen and you’ll do great!”
Greg runs over to the kitchen and Violet hands him a bag of cookies. “Enjoy tonight sweetheart. Remember: 11 o'clock curfew and no sleepovers.” She kisses him on the cheek, as he quickly says, “I know. Bye. Love you, Mum.”
***************
“So Mum, where do you want this painting? … Colin, will you help me?”
“Can you put it in the living room somewhere near the fireplace? Wherever you think is best, sweetheart,” Violet directs.
“And yeah, I can help. Unless you need me for now, Mum?” “Nope, go with Benedict. I’ll order dinner. Indian sound okay? I’ll pick it up when it’s ready, and hopefully you both will be done with my painting.”
“Okay, let me go check in on Hy and ask what she wants for dinner.”
“Cool.” “Thanks!” Colin and Benedict respond, as Violet walks up the stairs.
“Hy, honey? Can I come in? I am going to order Indian tonight for dinner. What do you want?”
“Come in! But just you.”
Violet opens the door and sees Hyacinth laying on her purple bedspread with clothes and books scattered everywhere. She’s been a force of nature from the beginning, and her room is definitely reflective of that. At least she doesn’t leave food under the bed. Gregory is the main offender right now, but Colin had a particularly smelly room one spring break when he forgot he left a sandwich under his bed. Ugh. She threw away most of what was under there. Did not even pretend to salvage it.
“How’s the math going?”
“Figuring it out. I know I’ll get it eventually.” “That’s the spirit, darling.”
“Can I have the mild chicken tikka masala with extra pakora? Oh, and a mango lassi?”
“Of course. Do you want to come with me to pick it up? It’s just Colin and Benedict home right now.”
“I think I’ll stay and finish up everything. Can we watch a movie tonight?”
“You weren’t going out with your friends after dinner?”
“No, not tonight, maybe tomorrow. They’re all busy with dates. None of the boys are that interesting.”
“Whatever you want, I still have cookies from before so we could make ice cream sundaes with them.”
“Yes! Sounds perfect, thanks!”
While her siblings think Hyacinth is an extrovert, she is introverted. And yes, she is very outgoing, she still needs time alone. Violet supposes having eight means she gets a bit of everything across the children. Keeps things interesting, and one of the reasons she loves having so many. They each bring their own uniqueness to the family. When they were younger and all their needs were more immediate, their differences made things like mealtime or activities harder to balance. Now with only two (plus Colin, though she hopes only for a little bit longer) at home, she has to work to maintain her bonds with each of them. It’s a different challenge, yet one that continues to be endlessly fulfilling.
After she orders the food, adding a few extra of everything in case another Bridgerton shows up. It happens enough that Violet is always prepared. Plus leftovers never last long in this house. The amount of times she has woken up in the morning, and someone (Colin) has eaten a full meal at 3 am because of jet lag is remarkable. She doesn't even want to remember her grocery bill when all eight were at home and the eldest three boys were teenagers. She had to have a girls-only spot to store some biscuits and chocolate. She still does, only she and Hy know where it is now. Their little secret. Having those quiet, special moments never gets old.
***************
She is driving in the car, when her phone rings, denoting that it was Francesca calling.
“Hi Frannie! How are you, sweetie?”
“Hi Mum,” Frannie chirps. “I’m good. Taking a break practicing to get dinner.”
“Oh same! Picking up Indian for me, Benedict, Colin, and Hy.”
“Yum! I miss that place. Next time I visit, can we go together?”
“Already on my list. I know the samosas are your favorite. How was practice today? What are you working on?”
“Um, I am practicing Clair de Lune for a duo with a violinist next week, and I wanted to make sure I had it down.”
“I am sure you’ll do great! Can you send me a video of you playing sometime? You know I miss you playing in the drawing room while I embroider or read or just watch you.”
“I know, Mum. I miss it too, but I love being here. It’s so hard in the best way possible.”
“I agree, but that doesn't mean I don’t miss you. I actually have a question for you, dear. If I wanted to hire a pianist for a party, can you send me over some people you recommend and a potential setlist? As much as I want you to perform, I’d much rather you attend.”
“Gladly, Mum. I’ll send it over tomorrow. Want to make sure that they all still live in the area. I mean, I moved away, they may have too.”
“Of course. Of course. I trust you, Frannie. Enjoy your evening. Sending all the hugs and kisses. I love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
Luckily the conversation lasts about as long as the car ride to the Indian restaurant, and by the time she arrives, the food is ready to be picked up. Violet drives in silence on the way back; she already talked to Anthony and Kate this morning about a baby shower, and she’s seen or called the rest of her children today. Does not happen every day, but she tries to hit all eight plus partners over the weekend. Hitting them all on a Saturday is almost impossible, but somehow she did it. They all need different things, and she knows that Frannie is the hardest because she wants so little and she is so accomplished at 22 that it’s hard to show love in the way she prefers. Listening to her play piano was always the easiest way to show her love when she was growing up. Now she has to be a bit more creative. Asking for advice on music seems like the next best thing. And Violet trusts her judgement better than anyone. Another perk of eight. They all have their own talents so Violet has her own version of Google. She is reminiscing about when they were small and she was still putting them in all their activities to see where each shone best. Seeing their little faces light up when they found something they enjoyed making the long car rides or juggling multiple little ones or trying a third dance studio that had the right kind of musical theater jazz was worth it. Being a mom is always worth it. She pulls up in the driveway, and her three children at home are waiting for her.
“What’s this? … Did you break something again? Or let another bird loose in the house?” She eyes Hyacinth on that last one. Little Miss Snow White used to bring home stray animals to prove she was a real life princess after Eloise said that Disney princesses weren’t real.
Colin skips down the stairs to take the bags of food from her arms, “No reason, Mum. Just wanted to help. I told them all about our day, and we’re just really glad you still make the time for us.”
“Awww, of course sweetheart. You all get to jump in front of the line for my attention. But there are eight so you will still have to take turns.” She laughs, as they do.
“I remember when Colin would get jealous that Greg and Hy still fit on Mum’s lap, so he would try, but he was more of a big dog who thinks he’s a lap dog.” Benedict jokes.
Violet chuckles, “My legs hurt a little whenever he did that, but totally worth it.” She stretches up to kiss Colin on the cheek as he blushes.
“I know I am tall, but I wanted in on the snuggle party.”
Violet pats his cheek, “We know. You are the snuggliest of all my children. I miss when you fit on my lap. So sweet.”
“Come on, I’m hungry.” Hy interjects the walk down memory lane. “We can eat and talk.”
“Yes, definitely. Let’s go, children. Is anyone else joining us tonight? Benedict?”
“Not Sophie, told her she should go out with some friends tonight, but I think she and Eloise were going to have a girl night in. Said that someone was having a hard time, but she didn’t give me the details.”
Violet looks at Colin, and her heart breaks all over again. She was hoping mum and sibling time would help, but he seems just as wounded as he did yesterday. As they eat dinner, she includes stories about Edmund and their love. Benedict added a few stories that he remembered, while Hy just hangs on every word. Even though she’s heard them all before. Suddenly Violet remembers a story that she may not have shared before.
“I remember this one time when maybe Colin was a newborn, so we just had the three. I say just, but at the time it felt like so many kids. And Edmund was in the office the whole day, and he came home and complained that he was tired. However, I had been home with Ant and Ben most of the day, and Colin attached to my breast the entire day.” Colin looks a bit horrified at that as Benedict snort laughs, but Violet continues her story. “I started crying and told him to go away. He was lucky that he got a break from the kids and all the chaos, and I was so overwhelmed. I just needed someone to notice everything I did. He went to play with Ant and you, Benedict, for about 30 minutes until it was dinner time. I was with you, Colin. Nursing you. Rocking you. Talking to you. Crying still. We had a pretty chaotic dinner - some things never change.” Violet smirks as she says it, while Hyacinth chuckles. Violet takes a deep breath to continue, reliving a time in her life that is both hard to look back on, but a time she cherishes.
“One of you boys spilled water everywhere. The other refused to eat what we served. Colin cried. It was pretty normal, but after a long day with no breaks or time to myself. I was just done. When I had eaten a few bites of food, I stood up, handed Colin to your father, and told him, ‘I need to take a 20 minute shower, then we can talk.’ So I go upstairs, take a long shower, put on some clothes, and come downstairs. In those 20 minutes, your father had gotten Ant and Ben to color me pictures, and Edmund painted the bottoms of your feet, Colin, to make a heart on the page.” She starts to tear up remembering this part, “Edmund looked at me and said, ‘I love you. How was your day?’ with a soft kiss on my forehead. And from then on, he would make sure I had 20 minutes to myself before dinner to shower and reset and whatever I needed before the rest of the evening. It meant everything to me that he saw what I needed and gave me the space to do it. I never had to ask again for time to myself. He knew it was important, and he made it work. He was the best husband and father, and he worked every day to get a little bit better.” All of them now have tears glistening in their eyes, and Violet leans over to Hy to give her a hug and a kiss before walking over to each of her boys to stand behind them and wrap her arms around them to give them a hug and a kiss as well.
Colin is sitting up a bit straighter now than he did at the beginning of dinner. He has this determined look in his eyes, and she knows he heard what she was saying and everything that today was about. She resolves that today was his day to wallow and tomorrow is the day of action. If he wants Pen, he is going to have to show her that he is the man she fell in love with. Luckily, he has his mum on his side, and she really wants to plan their wedding.