Chapter Text
Jun shook the principals´ hand, smiling politely, and took the folder with his high school diploma certificate. Then he took three steps further and his smile turned into a cheeky grin as he waied to his high school class teacher. This woman had witnessed him running around the hall, being loud in class, making inappropriate comments from the back row, throwing paper balls around the room, all the while putting minimal effort into his homework, barely making any valuable contributions to the lesson, and distracting his friends.
And now here he was, having made it through high school. Ajarn Godji´s expression was mixed with pride, amusement, and exasperation. “Thanks.” Jun muttered, when she handed him the yellow flower, and from the way her smile softened, Jun knew she understood. For all the difficulties he had given Ajarn Godji, he was immensely grateful for her patience. She gave him a subtle nod and a pat on the hand.
Jun´s grin was back to cheeky as he approached his classmates who were already standing next to each other on stage, all with their own diploma and yellow flower in their hands. Instead of just standing next to the person who came before him, Ai-oon, Jun jostled himself between his best friends, Pepper and Baifern. “You´re so extra.” Baifern muttered. Jun winked at her. She cringed.
Jun focused his gaze off the stage. Four rows of tables were placed in front of them, neatly arranged with white tablecloth, yellow and blue flowers in vases at regular intervals, just like the chairs which were filled with proud parents and other family members. Jun´s gaze fixed on his siblings, sitting opposite of each other, grinning widely. Thodao, Jun´s sister, gave him a small wave when he caught her eye. He waved back. Jun´s big brother, Thap, mocked her wave, at which Jun indicated to flip him off, but not entirely, because it would be inappropriate. Jun had a little tact.
In, who was sitting beside Thap, caught the insinuation though and giggled. Jun grimaced when he caught his big brother watching In laugh with a fond stare. It was so weird seeing his big, serious doctor brother simping over someone.
Once everyone in the class had received their certificates, the audience clapped, the class members went back to their families, and it was the next class´s turn. “I can´t believe my baby brother did it.” Thap theatrically reached over the table and ruffled Jun´s hair, before he slapped it away.
“I´m almost 19!” Jun argued, melting as his little sister gave him a hug. Thodao stayed leaned against him as they watched the last class receive their certificates. This part was boring if you were not part of it.
Once the last class had also left the stage, the school orchestra played, and Thodao sat up straight. She was fascinated by the string instruments, learning to play viola herself. Next up came the jazz band, which Thap liked, because he played the saxophone and liked Jazz music. Jun focused on the snacks that were placed all over the tables.
Once the Jazz band left the stage, the moderator took the microphone again. “Thanks a lot to the jazz band, that was really wonderful. They worked quite hard, I know. Next up, we have a premiere. Well, it´s not their premiere, they have had many gigs. But for this school, we never had our own T-pop band.”
Jun stiffened. He forgot the snacks on his plate and focussed on the stage. Skilfully ignoring the amused looks from his siblings, he watched three familiar people getting up from their chairs and making their way towards the stage.
“From what I understand,” The moderator said, “They write their own songs and even come up with their own choreographies. Please welcome Nano, Thame, and Dylan.”
Everyone clapped, and Jun tried really hard to look indifferent as always. But he could not stop this familiar fluttering in his stomach as he watched them taking their start poses.
“Which one is it?” Jun heard In whisper.
“The one with the grey hair.” Thap whispered, and Jun hated the amused grin that was obviously on Thap´s face. It was so wide, Jun could hear it. Even Pepper gave him an amused glance, but Jun ignored it. As the music started playing, Dylan was all he could see. The way he moved, elegantly, confidently, rapping without a single twist of tongue, the way his eyes played with the crowd, playfully, seductively…
“You know,” Thap whispered over the table. “You need to make a move today. This is your last chance.”
Jun ignored him, but the words tugged painfully at his heart. The thought crossed his mind that this might be the last time he would get to see Dylan move like this. Or maybe, probably, Jun would, but only through a screen, when he got famous, and forgot all about the clown in the back of the class, and he would never know how Jun felt. He would never know why he had been the focus of Jun´s taunts, and the centre of Jun´s hoaxes so often. He would never know why Jun kept throwing paper balls at him and stole his pens and made fun of his hair and was extra loud when he was in the room, …
“Just tell him,” Thodao said as they stood outside in groups after the whole ceremony and show was over. The room had been rebuilt into a dance floor, but honestly, none of them were the great dancers. “What do you have to lose?”
“I agree.” Thap said. Of course they thought like that, Jun thought. They did not know how much of a fool Jun had made himself in front of Dylan over the past years. They had been in class together for two years. Jun had always been a troublemaker, a cliché middle child. But ever since Dylan had caught his eye, it was like troublemaking for the sake of lowering society´s expectations of him was not enough. His behaviour was meant to catch Dylan´s attention, but also lowering himself in his eyes, because at the end of the day, it was less painful to admit that Dylan did not like his act, than that Dylan would not like his genuine self.
Jun was thankful when Pepper came to get him, and they joined their friends. Somehow, they ended up at the edge of the dance floor.
“But Ob-oom´s dress, god,” Baifern was telling him and Jun did his best to hear everything over the music, “I wish I had found a dress with this colour too.”
Jun looked at her. She was wearing a dark blue dress with patterns of sequins making her upper body shimmer. “You look fine.” Jun said, because she looked really nice, like the queen of the night.
“Fine?” Baifern acted offended, but honestly, she knew Jun. “You look fine. I look absolutely beautiful.”
“You do.” Pepper said, because he had more tact than Jun.
“You know the dance,” Another voice joined the conversation, and they turned to Dylan. The guy was grinning widely at Jun, who was confused for a second, until he noticed the song playing. Chk Chk Boom by Stray Kids.
And yes, Jun did know the dance. Not because he was a particularly big Stray Kids fan, but because Dylan had done the dance challenge and uploaded it on TikTok. In the safety of his room, away from all ears and eyes, Jun had learned all the dances on Dylan´s TikTok account.
Apparently, it was so deeply engrained in his muscle memory that he had danced along without even actively noticing that the song was on. Jun shrugged, trying his best to look unbothered.
“Wanna dance with me?” Dylan smiled widely and held up his hand. Jun´s server malfunctioned. His eyes went back and forth between the Dylan´s hand and his bright smile. His own hand tried to move several times, but it ended up twitching awkwardly beside him.
Dylan´s smile faded. He let his hand fall. “It´s okay, you don´t have to.” He turned to Pepper, “You wanna go?”
Pepper was a great dancer actually. And he had achieved what Jun never had, becoming Dylan´s friend. Not a close friend, but they talked. Jun had always been jealous, and Pepper knew it, but he did not know what else to do. He had included Jun as often as possible, but Jun always ended up acting indifferently or doing something dumb.
“Actually,” Pepper grinned, “Jun would love to dance with you.” He gave Jun a shove, and he stumbled into Dylan, who did not react in time. Together, they stumbled a few steps together, until Jun regained his balance and caught Dylan. His hands were now on Dylan´s waist, and he was closer than ever before. Jun could not think clearly. How often had he imagined having Dylan in his arms like that? Touching that waist that he could move to skilfully, what was often exposed when he wore crop tops, like he was purposefully trying to drive Jun crazy. He wondered if Dylan could feel his heartbeat, because it was all Jun himself could hear. His head felt like it was filled with cotton, and his skin felt hot. He knew his ears were red, he could feel the heat.
Dylan evidently felt safe on his feet again, and lifted his gaze. Jun felt like his whole body was trembling when their eyes locked. The world was spinning. Jun´s lips were tingling. Unintentionally, his eyes darted down to Dylan´s lips. They parted… looked so inviting… His eyes caught Dylan´s again. He looked surprised. Like he had just realized something. Something that was hard to believe. Jun´s brain did not process it. All he could think about was his hands on Dylan´s waist, and his scent of Jasmin and Vanilla and wood and books, and something that was just so Dylan. Was he allowed to kiss him? His eyes flitted back to the parted, pink lips, Jun bit his own. Could he dare to…
Suddenly, Jun felt a pressure on his chest, and he was pushed away. Dylan looked confused, in disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He looked around like there would be answers. Jun still felt apathetic, like he was floating away on a cloud, and his brain could not catch up with his surroundings. Dylan looked back at Jun in disbelief. Then, he fled.
Jun watched him dart out the door. Pepper gave him a slap on the back of his head. Finally, the smoke around his head lifted and his brain caught up with the situation. He looked at Pepper, terrified. “It´s okay.” Pepper said.
Jun shook his head. He needed fresh air.
He followed Dylan out the door. The guy was nowhere to be seen. Jun let himself fall on the ground, leaning against the house wall.
“So you tormented him because you like him?”
Jun looked up, seeing Dylan´s band mates. He barely knew Nano, he was in the parallel class. But Thame was usually attached to Dylan´s hip.
Jun looked away, focussing on the green meadow that was stretching in front of them. A few bushes made the area appear less monotone. “You think I tormented him too much?” Jun did not dare to look at them as he waited for their answer. He felt Thame take a seat next to him.
“Dylan can handle it.” Thame said. “He´s just surprised. Honestly, I´m not.”
“I told you from the beginning.” Nano said.
“Well, I don´t think we should be telling each other that people who treat us badly like us.” Thame argued. It felt like a punch in Jun´s gut. Thame seemed to realize quickly, because he added in a haste, “Not that you treated him really badly. Just… confusing…”
“Really fucking annoying.” Nano interrupted. Jun felt like crying. But that would be too pathetic. On the other hand, that´s what he was. Pathetic.
“No!” Thame cried out. “Nano, why do you have to be so mean?”
Nano shrugged. He had this air about him, non-chalant and aloof.
“Could you tell him I´m sorry?” Jun asked quietly.
“Of course.” Thame said.
“Why do you like him?” Nano asked.
“Are you blind?” Jun did not know why he reacted to defensive, but there was something about Nano´s tone. Like he could not understand why someone would like Dylan.
Nano did not answer, just examined his neatly manicured nails, then slid his gaze back to him. He shrugged once, pressing in an indifferent way. Something about the way he acted seemed so derogative towards Dylan.
“He´s really freaking hot-“ Jun burst out, then wished he could take it back, “I mean, I´m not that superficial. There´s also, he´s awesome… I mean, you should know, and his smile… This is so embarrassing, why are you doing this?”
During this stammering, he had stood up, and was now glaring at Nano, trying to mask his embarrassment with anger. Nano broke into an amused grin. “You´re really easy to provoke.”
“You´re infuriating.” Jun fumed, but it simmered down when he realized Thame was laughing. Jun frowned, confused.
“I´m sorry.” Thame said when he realized he was the centre of attention now. “I´m sorry. It´s just, usually you´re the one masking everything with indifference. If it wasn´t about Dylan, I think Nano could have found his match. I think it would be interesting to see who could infuriate the other first.”
“I won.” Nano shrugged.
Jun felt awkward. He had no idea what to do. Fleeing. That was probably the best solution. “Anyway, see you guys never, probably.” Jun backed into the building. “Good luck, you´ll probably be famous. Tell Dylan I´m sorry.”
He shut the door behind him and turned away. He should find In and his siblings and flee. Somehow, it felt unsatisfying though. That this was the end of these two years of watching Dylan, wishing he would notice him, at the same time hoping he would not notice his feelings, masking them with bad jokes and noise, dreaming of the day he would get to touch him, hold him, make him laugh, bring him water during PE, stealing a kiss when no one was around, giving him chocolate on valentines day, telling people he married his high school crush, dancing with him, slowly, closely, intensely…
On an impulse, he opened the door again, “And tell him-“
Nano and Thame looked at him questioningly. They were standing exactly where they had stood before. But Jun did not know what to tell them.
He wanted to tell Dylan that he had lit up his days. That it had brought him joy every day to see his face. And that he wished he did not have to say goodbye, that he wished Dylan all the best, that he believed Dylan was the greatest song writer and dancer and rapper in the world, that his heart was hurting a little bit at the thought of never seeing him again, and never being thought of again by Dylan, and that he wished to meet him again, and that he still kept the handkerchief that Dylan had given him that day in PE when Jun had fallen, as well as three of his pens minimum, and that he was really sorry for annoying him so much, that he hoped to be a good memory for him, and that the memory of Dylan was precious to him, and that the sight of him laughing made his heart jump,…
That was way too cheesy. No one said that.
“Nothing.” Jun said, and closed the door again. Now he had made an even bigger fool of himself.
“You okay, Junnie?” Thodao came to hug him around his waist when he arrived back at the dance floor.
“Yeah, yeah,” He patted his little sister´s head. “Let´s leave. Where´s-“
He did not need to finish as Thodao pointed at the dance floor. A slow dance song was on and Thap and In were arm in arm, looking deeply into each other´s eyes as their feet moved perfectly with the rhythm. They liked dancing with each other. It was their thing. Jun pretended to gag.
“Hey, it´s sweet.” Thodao said.
“He´s our brother.” Jun disagreed. “It´s gross.”
“What about you?” Thodao said. “I saw you almost kissed-“
Jun held his hand in front of her mouth so she could not talk. “Don´t mention it. Never again.”
“Why not?”
Jun froze. He knew that voice. How could he not? It was not like he had spent the past two years seeking out that voice amongst a bunch of chatty students and other noise.
When Jun did not move for another few seconds, Dylan unhurriedly surrounded the two until he stood in front of Jun, who was still frozen in his action of holding his sister´s mouth closed. She started to complain with little noises behind the hand and easily managed to pry off her brother´s hand. “I´m gonna leave you two.” She said, but none of them reacted, busy with staring at each other.
“You don´t wanna kiss me anymore?” Dylan broke the silence. Jun opened his mouth, and closed it like a fish without water. His ears started to heat up again and he avoided Dylan´s gaze.
Dylan took a step closer. Jun tensed even more, carefully daring to look at Dylan´s face again. Suddenly, Dylan let out a cute little laugh. Jun was bewildered. Was Dylan making fun of him? But why did he look like an angel while doing it?
“How about you take me out first?”
Jun´s eyes widened. He inspected Dylan´s expression carefully, not sure if he meant it. Dylan chuckled again, that adorable bubbly laugh that made his face light up and the corners of his eyes crinkle. “You´re cute.” Backing off, he added, “You have my number in the group chat. Text me if you have time. Don´t be a stranger.” He gave him a wink, before turning away and disappearing in the crowd.
Jun was in a daze. What just happened? Was he given a chance?
“Damn bro,” Thap appeared next to him and gave a pat on the shoulder. “Looks like the kid likes you too. Don´t know why though.” Thap grimaced.
“Don´t say that.” Thodao pushed her oldest brother. Then she hung onto Jun´s arm. “You´re the best, Junnie.”
Jun patted her head absentmindedly. “Every day I ask myself what you see in him.” Jun addressed In melodramatically.
In grinned, “Me too.”
“Hey!” Thap sulked at his boyfriend, and Jun was just happy the attention was no longer on him.