Work Text:
♡
If you asked Cha Woongki what his biggest fear was, he might tell you it’s something predictable, something he may have truly, genuinely , been afraid of— yes— but still, predictable. Like spiders– spiders was his favorite answer. It was easy to admit to, lots of people were scared of them. And it gave him an olive branch for others to grasp onto, a degree of relatability.
But, if he were to be honest. Spiders didn’t hold a candle to what truly scared him the most. On the list of things that kept him up at night, written it big, bold, red letters, it would have said abandonment . There was nothing scarier to Cha Woongki than the mere thought of not being loved. It gnawed at him constantly.
Not that he’d ever let anybody know that, though. There was nothing more embarrassing to him than feeling pitied. So he held his insecurities close to his chest for the most part, not letting anybody see. Through radical optimism, really, he had found himself able to will away those thoughts most of the time. But not all the time, right?
His mind had a funny way of playing tricks on him, sneaking up on him when he least expects it to. Sleeping. He had been sleeping.
The dream was a blur, really. He could hardly even remember it by the time he had woken up. This is how it usually was. He’d have a bad dream– wake himself up from it, forget about it, fall back asleep. It’d been a common enough occurrence for him to shake it off and move on.
This time had been different. When he woke up, he laid there, staring at the ceiling in silence as he waited for the lingering feelings of fear and anxiety to be melted away by his tiredness. They weren’t. He waited in bed for fifteen whole minutes for that feeling to go away. But it seemed his mind had other plans.
The feeling was getting worse. He was suffocating. At least he felt like he was, and that feeling in his gut continued to grow larger and larger.
He knew it wasn’t real, it didn’t happen, but he just couldn’t seem to shake away his lingering thoughts– thoughts about being a burden to those around him. Being annoying. Being unwanted. Unlovable.
He sits up quickly, throwing his covers onto the ground as he clambers out of his bed in a rush, pushing the sliding door open quick enough for it to accidentally make a loud ‘ bang’. He startles himself, shoulders tensing up even more than they had already been.
That’s what really sets him off.
He clumsily makes his way to the kitchen, knocking down seemingly everything in his path in a frenzy trying to get there.
Water. He needed water.
Woongki’s mind is clouded as he slams open nearly every cupboard looking for the glasses. He can’t seem to remember which one they’re in and that only makes him more anxious.
“This can’t be happening- god– where are they? ” He whines, tugging at his hair in frustration before moving to open the very last cupboard. “Oh thank god.” He’s clumsy in the way that he grabs the glass. When he pulls it down, he knocks one down onto the ground with it.
It shatters.
“Oh my fucking god.” He sets the glass down on the counter before kneeling down to pick up the shards from the other. By now there are tears rolling down his face. He feels so stupid and dramatic but he can’t help himself.
“This really just had to happen..” Woongki says bitterly. “Ow- ow ow ow” He winces, dropping the shard of glass that he had picked up. He had closed his hand on it without thinking. It was a small slice, but still, he was bleeding. He hated blood, and he hated pain.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He looks away from his hand as he stands up, holding it away from himself as he frantically looked for something to stop the bleeding. By now he is sobbing.
4:13AM
Park Han is fast asleep.
4:15AM
Park Han is no longer fast asleep.
Awoken by the sound of a loud crash in the other room, he jolts awake.
Jesus christ. He thought.
“What the fuck was that?” Han whispered to himself as he rubbed his eyes, sitting up a bit as he reached for his phone lazily. When he saw the time, he groaned.
Are you kidding? It’s our day off. It’s too early to be making all this noise..
Han sits up the rest of the way and reaches around for his glasses to no avail.
“Fucking– whatever.” He mumbled to himself, rubbing his eyes as he climbed out of bed. Just before he slid the door open he heard what sounded like a shattering glass. This got him really annoyed. Not only was this other person making a racket– but they were also breaking things.
He pushes the door open gently and slides through before shutting it again.
Han runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head before walking down the hallway towards the source of the sound.
The kitchen.
“It’s like four in the morning can you please quie-” Han cuts himself off when the other person finally comes into view, his jaw falling open as he takes in the sight.
Woongki.
He’s standing there with a tea towel wrapped around his hand sloppily, tears rolling down his cheeks, shoulders shaking. He chews on his lower lip as if he’s scared Han is going to yell at him.
And frankly.. there’s a part of Han that wants to. Not because of the noise– not now, anyways– but because he didn’t come get him.
He acts quickly, it doesn’t take him very many context clues to figure out what’s going on. He sees the towel, he sees Woongki- visibly distressed. It doesn’t matter what the exact order of events were, not now.
“Stay here.” Han says, his voice is firm. Moments later, he returned with a first aid kit. “Come here, sit.” He said, pulling out a chair for Woongki.
Woongki nods a little, sitting down.
Han takes a moment to wash his hands, rolling his sleeves up as he sits down next to Woongki.
“Gongjunim.. My gongjunim what ever will we do with you…” Han says as he gently moves Woongki’s hand away to take the cloth away. “Well you aren’t bleeding anymore, good job Woongki-hyung…” Han reassures him. “Not very big, either.” Han hums softly as he gets to work cleaning the small cut.
“This will sting a little bit but it won’t last long, I promise.. Do you trust me?”
Woongki nods, still looking away from his hand.
It really was just a small surface cut, light bleeding, nothing serious. No need for immediate medical attention, just a good cleaning and a small bandage.
“Ow..” He whines, Han nods, reaching over to rub his back for a second supportively.
“I know, I know.. But it’s okay..” Han squeezes him gently. “See.. already better, right?”
Woongki nods a little bit, using his free hand to wipe away any tears that were still falling. “Sorry for waking you… I tried to take care of it myself.”
“I know. ” Han said, looking at Woongki understandingly. “I can tell, you did a good job cleaning it and stopping the bleeding. I just had to disinfect it with the first aid kit.” Han rubs Woongki’s cheek with the backside of his hand before grabbing a bandage. He applies a thin layer of neosporin before applying the bandage carefully, rubbing the sides to make sure it was secured. Just for good measure.
“There we go, all better.”
Woongki gets up to clean the rest of the glass up and Han pushes him back down. “I got it, gongjunim.”
“But Hani-”
“Shhh.” He whispers, tucking a piece of hair behind Woongki’s ear. “You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about that, okay?”
Woongki looks down at his feet. “It’s my mess.”
“It was an accident, wasn’t it?”
Woongki nods.
“I’ll be back, I’m going to get the broom and put this away.” Han said, gesturing to the first aid kit he was packing back up. He leaves for a few moments and leaves Woongki alone with his thoughts.
This is so embarrassing of me . Woongki told himself, curling himself into a ball.
“Gongjunim?” Han called as he returned with the broom. He sets it against the counter and walks over to Woongki, rubbing his shoulder. “Hey, look at me.”
Woongki shakes his head.
“Hyung.”
Still no response.
“What happened, Woongki?”
When he doesn’t reply for a third time, Han decides to leave it be and starts cleaning up the glass. He hums softly, trying to fill the silence and provide at least a layer of comfort for Woongki to latch onto in this time of distress.
Slowly, Woongki uncurls himself and finally looks at Han, wiping his tears again. “I just..” Han stops what he’s doing and turns around to look at Woongki intently. “I had a stupid bad dream– and I just kind of started spiraling..” Woongki mumbles the last part, looking down again. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry for causing a scene.”
“It’s not stupid.”
Han gets rid of the last bit of glass before walking back over to Woongki. “Why would it be stupid?”
“...Because I’m too old to react this way to something as silly as a bad dream?”
“That’s not silly. Everybody gets bad dreams.”
Woongki chews on the inside of his cheek anxiously. “I.. know that..” He trails off, sighing deeply. “I just feel stupi-”
“Are you trying to insult my gongjunim?” Han asks cutting him off– earning a smile from Woongki finally.
Han smiles back, shaking his head a little.
“No, but seriously– don’t speak so negatively. It happens, nothing to be embarrassed of. Okay?”
“..Okay..”
“Let’s go back to bed, yeah?” Han asks as he pulled Woongki up from his seat and into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly, chin resting on his shoulder. Woongki nods a little and Han hoists him up carefully.
“Um… isn’t this a bit much? It’s just a cut on my hand.. I could walk back to my room myself..”
Han looks at him for a moment while he walks. “Your room?” He’s pouting a little. “Gongjunim doesn’t want to cuddle?”
Woongki’s eyes widen a little, heat rushing to his cheeks. “N-no! I do! I didn’t know you wanted to– you didn’t mention it.”
“You never mention it before crawling into my bed any other night?”
“That’s different..”
“Is it?”
Woongki is silent.
No. They both think.
Han balances Woongki the best he can on his leg as he slides the door open.
“You can put me down now.”
Han looks winded but he shakes his head. “No way.” After taking a deep breath, he lifts Woongki up into his arms again, carrying him all the way to the bed. By the time they get there, he practically tosses Woongki, leaning over to catch his breath.
Yeah. I really need to work on my strength. Han thinks to himself, avoiding Woongki’s gaze, slightly embarrassed. He holds a finger to his lips to shush Woongki, reminding him that there were others around them fast asleep. Han turns to slide the door shut again before walking over to the bed, climbing up into it with Woongki.
“C’mere..” He says quietly, gesturing for Woongki to get closer, pulling him on top of him once he’s close enough. “You’re so pretty.” Han says quietly, rubbing Woongki’s back. “Do you know that?”
Woongki nods and Han snorts a little.
“Should have seen that coming.. Fair.”
“But you should keep telling me that.” Woongki whispers back.
“I will..”
“Do you wanna talk about it at all?” Han whispers, referring to Woongki’s nightmare.
Woongki shakes his head, nuzzling his head against Han’s chest as he gets comfortable .
“That’s okay.” Han whispers, tilting his head slightly to kiss the top of Woongki’s head. “Let’s just sleep then.” He says reaching up to play with Woongki’s hair.
“So sleepy..” Han whispers, smiling a little.
Carefully, he lifts his arms off of Woongki– just for a moment– to plug his phone back in. In that split second that he wasn’t holding him, Woongki started to pout.
“Oh gongjunim– don’t look at me like that…” Han whispered, wrapping his arms around him yet again. “Are you really so needy?”
“Mhm” Woongki hums in response, hiding his face against Han's t-shirt.
After the other is silent for a good few minutes, Han closes his eyes, assuming Woongki to have finally fallen asleep.
“Psst.” Woongki whispers, poking Han’s cheek with his finger.
Han’s eyes flutter open again, darting down to him.
“Hani.” Woongki says softly.
“Yes, Woongki-hyung?”
“Can you give me a forehead kiss?”
“Please.” He adds after, meekly.
Han shakes his head in disbelief before leaning his head down a bit, planting a kiss on Woongki’s forehead. “Happy?”
Woongki nods, but it’s hesitant.
“Hani.” He says again after a while.
“...Yes?”
“Thank you.”
Han doesn’t respond this time, so Woongki shuffles, lifting his head up to plant a kiss on Han’s forehead. ”Night.”
“Goodnight, Woongki.”
“Hani?” He breaks the silence yet again.
Han sighs heavily with a defeated smile on his face.
“Yes, jagiya?”
“I love you~” He says sweetly, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“I know.” Han whispers his face twisting into a slightly mischievous grin.
Smack.
“Ow— I’m sorry ” Han says. But he’s not apologizing, he’s giggling– which earns him another smack.
“Say it back." Woongki whines, looking at Han with a big dumb pout on his face.
“Jagiya– calm down" Han said, cupping Woongki's face in his hands, rubbing his cheek with his thumb gently.
Woongki huffs slightly with a defeated pout.
“I love you too," Han whispers, giving Woongki a gentle kiss on the lips to appease him. "My pretty." Another kiss. "My Gongjunim." Another. "Jagiya."
"Angel"
"Baby"
"Sweetie"
"Enough-" Woongki cringes, trying to escape Han's relentless kisses, giggling softly.
"Oh so you hate me?"
"You- shut up." Woongki flicked Han on the forehead before finally laying his head back down on Han's chest, sighing softly.
Han begins to hum softly, playing with Woongki's hair and rubbing his back, occasionally stopping to plant a kiss on the top of his head.
The sound of Han’s beating heart accompanied by his soothing voice lulls him to sleep rather quickly and his steady breathing soon fills the room.
Han wraps his arms around Woongki loosely as he gets himself comfortable, head falling back against the pillow as he drifts off into a deep, comfortable slumber.
Sweet dreams.
♡