Work Text:
Wu Suowei had made up his mind, he was going to give himself to Chi Cheng.
Not out of obligation. Not because he was pressured. But because he wanted it.
He wanted him.
This man who had struggled to restrain himself time and time again. The same man Wu Suowei had shamelessly teased, seduced, and lured in, all while pretending he didn’t care. He had dangled himself like bait, flirting, provoking, retreating only to pull away every time things got too real. He used excuses, often absurd, to keep Chi Cheng at bay. But those excuses were running out.
"我其实挺喜欢你的."
“I actually really like you.”
The words tore their way out, soft but final. The words had lived in his chest for so long. Always hovering on the edge of his lips, always almost spoken, but never quite escaping. Every time Chi Cheng looked at him with those gentle, waiting eyes, Wu Suowei wanted to say it. Every time they fought and then quietly made up, he had wanted to blurt it out. Every time Chi Cheng touched him like he was something precious, he had ached to confess what his pride wouldn’t let him admit. But the words always got caught in his throat, too heavy, too real. To say them was to surrender. To expose something fragile in him.
Chi Cheng had been stunned at first, speechless, like the confession had knocked the air out of his lungs. But beneath the shock was a quiet joy, relief and hope. Wu Suowei liked him back. That meant he wasn’t the only one falling. Chi Cheng wanted to hold him, take him, make him his in that moment. But even then, he hesitated, afraid Wu Suowei wasn’t ready. That pushing too soon would make him run again.
So he waited.
But the next day, everything shattered. Wu Suowei recoiled from his touch like he was something filthy. And then he said the words, cruel, sharp, and cutting like a blade to the chest:
"我嫌你脏."
“I think you’re dirty.”
Chi Cheng felt the blood drain from his face.
How could Wu Suowei say that?
What had changed overnight?
Later, he found out the truth. Wu Suowei had gone to the same club Chi Cheng used to frequent, a place filled with shadows of his past. There, he ran into someone. An escort. A man who proudly claimed he had been with Chi Cheng, described in vivid detail the things they had done. The lust, the filth, the hunger.
It wrecked Wu Suowei. He hated that someone else had known Chi Cheng like that. Had heard the sounds he made when he was aroused. Had felt his hands, his mouth, had trembled beneath his body. He hated the ghosts in Chi Cheng’s past, faces and bodies that had once drawn from him the very passion Wu Suowei now craved for himself.
He hated the memories Chi Cheng held that he wasn’t a part of. Experiences that stained the edges of the intimacy they were still trying to build. Moments Wu Suowei could never undo, never rewrite. He didn’t understand the depth of his own jealousy, only that it consumed him whole. It made his stomach twist and his thoughts spiral. It made him say things he didn’t mean. No, he didn’t really think Chi Cheng was dirty. That wasn’t the truth. What he felt was fear, insecurity and a possessiveness so fierce it terrified him.
He didn’t want to share Chi Cheng, not with anyone, not even with the past. He wanted all of him, his body, his heart, his memories. He wanted to own every piece of Chi Cheng, not just the present but the entirety of him. He wanted to be the only person Chi Cheng ever touched like that. The only person he undressed for, whispered to, surrendered to.
He wanted to be Chi Cheng’s first and last, the only man he ever loved, he ever desired. The knowledge that someone else had already lived in that space, even briefly, was unbearable. Wu Suowei didn’t want to just be one of many. He wanted to be the only one. The only one who mattered.
Chi Cheng couldn’t pretend the words didn’t hurt. Wu Suo Wei's words echoed in his mind, each syllable a fresh wound. To be branded "dirty" by the man he loved, the man he was willing to change for, was unbearable. He knew he carried a past, a history he wasn't proud of, but that life belonged to a different person, a person who existed before Wu Suo Wei had entered his life. Wu Suowei was supposed to be his redemption, not his judge. And now, for the first time, Chi Cheng wondered… Would loving Wu Suowei always come with pain? Would he always be punished for the man he used to be? He wondered if Wu Suo Wei would ever be able to see beyond the shadows of his past and recognize the man he was striving to become.