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“What the fuck did I just get hit with?” Tony groaned, dropping to his knees and clutching at his stomach. He was only vaguely aware of Loki coming up to him, his hands glowing green.
“Some kind of attraction based spell,” Loki explained while examining him, his voice gaining a fine edge of irritation as he continued, “I can’t tell more than that.”
Tony had almost fallen out of his suit once he’d landed after being hit. He’d been sweating; his body feeling like it was burning from the inside out. Now the cramping and trembling had started. Steve had been the only other Avenger nearby when it had happened and he’d run over. He was now watching Tony with barely contained worry; his hand hovering near his ear as he waited for further information from the rest of the team.
They’d been battling a mage that had been tackled by Thor and was being held on a rooftop while Falcon airlifted Natasha up to talk to him.
Tony flinched as a warm hand landed gently on his shoulder. Loki murmured softly, “Breathe deeply, Stark.”
Easy for you to say, Tony wanted to growl.
“Nat’s got him talking,” Steve suddenly announced, walking closer even as his eyes narrowed and his scowl deepened. He thanked her before focusing on Tony and Loki. “It’s some kind of,” he gritted his teeth, “death curse.” Loki gripped Tony’s shoulder harder but Steve held up a warning hand. “He didn’t finish it. Thor hit him mid-cast, so it’s only partially in place.”
Loki looked between them. “What does he need to counteract it?”
“She doesn’t know, she wants you to-”
Steve didn’t even get a chance to finish before Loki was teleporting to their location. Steve took the vacant place by Tony’s shoulder, laying a careful hand on him and trying to be a comfort and support. Tony was too busy trying not to throw up his organs to care. “Hang in there, Tony.”
It felt like forever before Loki reappeared, but it couldn’t have been more than two minutes. “It’s to do with acknowledgment and proximity,” Loki announced. “The amateur butchered the original curse but it works in our favour.” Loki turned to Tony. “You will need to embrace the one you desire.”
“Emotional or physical desire?” Steve questioned instantly, moving away from Tony slightly to focus on Loki and the problem at hand.
Tony felt his stomach hit his feet and he hissed out a pained, “Oh fuck.”
He curled further around himself and wondered if he could just get shot and put out of his misery.
“Both would be ideal, but a single shall suffice,” Loki answered Steve.
“How long does he have?”
Loki glanced at Tony with barely veiled concern. “Fifteen minutes.”
Steve swore before spinning back to Tony. “Tony, you’ve got to help us out here; who do you need?” Tony just groaned and hunched into a smaller ball, trying to ignore reality. Steve shifted back to Loki. “What about Pepper? They’re not together anymore but do you think…?”
Loki eyed Tony briefly, calculations going through his head before he gave a sharp nod. “Where is she? I can teleport to her and-”
“Fuck,” Tony bit out but it was loud enough for them both to hear and pause. He drew his head up and forced himself to demand, “Loki. Come here.”
He frowned. “We cannot wait. Simply tell me where she or another is and I-”
“Come here.”
Loki scowled heavily but he made his way over. He even crouched down to better reach Tony’s bowed form, and Tony took full advantage of that. He reached up and grabbed Loki’s armour, making the demi-god’s eyes widen before he was yanked down so their mouths could connect.
Tony felt a twisted kind of relief as the spell flared sharply before beginning to fade. He wasn’t free of it, because that would be too fucking easy. But it was less encompassing in its utter agony. He was being pulled back from the threat of looming death, so that was nice. Of course, he had also just kissed the Chaos God he was in love with, and that brought with it a depressing kind of resignation. A small amount of terror too because there was no fucking way in the world that Loki could miss it. Emotional and physical desire. Loki was anything but stupid.
Loki was the one who pulled back first and Tony didn’t want to look, but he made himself open his eyes. Shocked green was staring back at him from inches away and Tony grimaced while focusing his attention on Loki’s cheekbone. Sur-fucking-prise.
“What else do I need to do?” he made himself grit out.
Loki didn’t stutter over his words, but there was a noticeable pause that showed just how thrown he was by the turn of events. “Our contact has only silenced the effects momentarily.”
“Yeah, I got that, there’s some still here.” Although the heat flooding him could also just be his complete mortification.
Tony found his eyes dragging back up to look at Loki despite everything telling him it was a bad idea. Loki was looking at him like he was a peculiarity and while it wasn’t disgust it certainly wasn’t reciprocation.
“You need to embrace your desire for...” he faltered and the word was almost hesitant as he added it, “me as do I yours.”
Tony’s hand was twitching to cup Loki’s neck but he kept it twisted in the armour to stop himself. The curve of the leather was cutting into his palm but he didn’t even care, it was better than doing something even more regretful. “Just explain it to me.”
“Physical and emotional,” Loki’s eyes finally flickered away from Tony’s face, but it wasn’t from a lie, it was from awkwardness. “Verbal as well as... action.” Tony closed his eyes and leant his forehead against Loki’s shoulder. He let out a shaky sigh around another expletive. “Anthony, I-”
“Don’t,” Tony spat and pulled back. “Just, don’t.” He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. “It’s a physical and emotional thing for you. There. Is the curse fucking happy now?”
“Anthony...”
“Don’t,” Tony whispered again, quietly and with an edge of desperation, “You never call me that. You always call me Stark; just... don’t make this more than it needs to be, okay? Just... ignore it, alright, Loki?”
Tony felt light fingers against his shoulder but he didn’t even try to look at them. “Stark,” Loki reiterated, but he didn’t sound particularly happy about it. “The curse requires reciprocation.”
Tony barked out a laugh. “Oh, well I’m fucked then.”
“Not that,” Loki hurriedly disagreed, “it requires my response, regardless of any... similar affections.”
Tony let out a series of humourless and pained chuckles. “Of course it does.”
There was the loud clearing of a throat and the scuffling of shoes and Tony forced his attention from Loki to see Steve moving away; giving them space and deliberately avoiding looking at them.
Great, one less witness to my rejection.
Tony closed his eyes for a moment before stiffening his spine and making himself face Loki head on. It was the least he could do after throwing Loki in such a shit position. “Just get on with it.”
Loki’s eyes fell to the space between their chests, his attention inward as he swallowed. Tony took the few seconds to just look at Loki. He was stunning; intelligent, beautiful, handsome - and altogether completely unattainable. Tony knew he was about to get his heart stomped on, had known even flirting with Loki was useless from the beginning, but he’d fallen, helplessly, and all he’d been able to do was smile stupidly every time Loki left a room and he was alone. It was nice, that rush of honest, pure affection... right until the crashing wave of you’ll never have him always hit.
Now he wouldn’t even have the few momentary highs or the close research they shared in the labs. It would always be awkward.
Fuck, he hated magic.
Just, you know, not Loki’s. Because it was Loki’s.
God fucking damn it.
Tony sighed, but it didn’t make him feel any better as Loki’s eyes moved back up to lock with his own. Any last words?
“I don’t form romantic or physical attachments often,” Loki began, and Tony was trying not to let the wince show on his face. “I don’t...” and Loki actually sounded uncomfortable, “experience desire for them frequently.” Tony blinked. Okay. He wasn’t sure if that hurt more or less. He wasn’t desired because Loki didn’t really get attracted to people? Tony was torn between confusion and something that wasn’t quite hurt and wasn’t quite regret. Loki just kept watching him. “But you are... you have always been intriguing.” He tilted his head. “And you are again now.”
Tony only frowned harder, but fuck his heart was speeding up. Stop it, stop it, this is not anything even resembling him wanting... Tony swallowed roughly, unable to even finish the thought. He’s probably just trying to be nice.
Because Loki wasn’t an asshole, and they were kind of friends. Loki had also looked legitimately worried when he’d been cursed. And who liked rejecting a friend? No, Loki was in a crap position. Tony should try to make it better for him.
“Just reject me, Loki,” Tony told him, the words sewing pain into his heart that he tried to ignore. He forced his mouth into a smirk. “I’m an adult. I can handle it. Just break the curse. Do it like a bandaid, one ‘thanks but no thanks’ and we’re done.”
“You misunderstand me,” Loki answered, shaking his head. “I am only now thinking about you under this light, and I am... not averse.”
Tony stared at him, he couldn’t think of anything else to do. “Wha... What?”
Loki smiled a little, like Tony’s floundering reply had amused him. It probably had. Tony was rarely lost for words but hearing something like that would do it. He was still trying to formulate an addition to his response when Loki closed the distance between them and chastely pressed their mouths together again.
A flush of warmth flowed through Tony and he wanted to pull Loki closer and deepen the kiss, but he made himself stay still. He knew Loki wasn’t nervous, that he didn’t need to treat him like he was glass, but, fuck, Tony didn’t want to push his luck. He was also hesitant to lean too much into the other. Loki was a creature of curiosity, like him, but Tony knew all too well how a passing interest or a willingness to explore could just as easily end in boredom. Loki wasn’t saying no, but he wasn’t yes either, and that was almost more dangerous for Tony's heart. Sure, Tony’s heart could crack on a no, but it could also fall even further and be forced to shatter if he let it rise with the prospect of hope.
Those thoughts passed through his mind in less than a blink, and regardless of the warning, Tony still let his eyes fall shut. He let his attention switch its focus to Loki’s lips against his own. They were soft and Tony responded; how could he not?
It didn’t last long enough - it never would - before Loki was pulling back.
Their breathing hadn’t even altered but Loki’s mouth had curved into a larger grin. “I accept your desire,” he answered formally and Tony felt a tingling under his skin, “and I admit a curiosity to explore my own.”
The feel of magic coursing over him was something Tony had gotten used to after spending a year on a team with Loki. It was still a relief to notice the magic of the other mage’s curse fizzling and leaking out of his system. He let out a shaky exhale when Loki pulled away and had to mentally order himself to release his hold on Loki’s armour so that the other could stand. He didn’t expect Loki to offer him a hand when he was back on his feet.
Tony stared at the outstretched palm before slowly placing his own in it. Loki gently guided him into a standing position, allowing Tony inside his personal space - something Loki rarely allowed with anyone.
He kept a firm grip on Tony’s hand, never once dropping Tony’s gaze as he pitched his voice to be heard, “You can handle the remainder, Captain?”
“Erm,” Tony could hear Steve answer, “Sure. Tony’s okay though?”
“Yes,” Loki replied, his voice hinting towards something genuinely pleased. “Anthony is well.”
Before anyone could respond, Loki was glowing and he was pulling Tony away from the battlefield and the other Avengers. They arrived with a flash in Loki’s floor of the tower. Tony was blinking away the sparkles in his eyes when he felt a hand on his chin, tilting his face upwards. He found himself looking into Loki’s contemplative face. His fingers were still glowing and his eyes had the sheen that depicted his use of magic.
“The last of the spell has exited your system.” The magic faded away from him. “I’m glad.”
“Yeah,” Tony cautiously answered, not sure where this was going, especially when he’d been more or less forced to admit he was head over heels for the demi-god. Not when said demi-god had whisked him away to his room and was cupping his chin delicately. “Me too.”
“Now, if you will, Anthony,” a long finger stroked his skin and Tony shivered, “I would like to discuss this revelation in more depth, specifically, my more active role in it.”
“Active,” Tony breathed, the wings of hope playing havoc in his chest, “define active.”
Loki smirked; it was the mischievous, sexy little smirk that shot lust through every part of his anatomy, but, it was also paired with his eyes. Those emeralds were watching him with intrigue, delight and the beginnings of warmth.
“Well,” he murmured, his finger stroking Tony again with unmasked curiosity. Tony’s lips parted slightly and his hands twitched to touch. Loki looked thrilled by the reaction and his next words were almost purred, “if you insist.”