Archive of Our Own

Freedom wasn’t something Regulus was familiar with. For a while, he believed he was; that he’d flown his way into liberty, away from the bloody wounds and twisted echoes in his mind. But the truth was that, in the end, he’d always be caught in a mousetrap, unable to run anywhere else but where he belonged. Where they forced him to belong.

It had been years since he had seen any of his family members apart from, well, Sirius. He’d done a great job at keeping his life private and hidden, away from all the hawk eyes that used to follow his every step.

But Regulus Black had always been unlucky, haunted by his last name. It was like a magnet, whispering the path they needed to take to find him — he knew they’d find him eventually. Hastings wasn’t that big, and working in a fancy coffee shop, it’s quite a surprise it hadn’t happened sooner.

“Next!” he had called to the line as the blue haired girl left with her latte, and then, there she was.

Druella Black, all bones and flesh and sharp features that could scare anyone away. She’d taken a good look at him, the kind of look only a Black would be able to give anyone. Regulus? Regulus was frozen in place, the blood running out of his face — he was certain he looked 10x paler than he already was. After long seconds of pure nothing, she’d call him by the name he hadn’t heard in years, nose contorting in something that could only be called disgust.

“What happened to you?”

“What’s your order, ma’am?” his voice shook as he attempted to brush the conversation off.

She gasped. “Your voice. It’s—”

“Ma’am, there's people waiting.”

At that moment, all he could beg for was Sirius. More than anything, he wanted his big brother, the one who would know how to handle the situation, the only one who could truly save him at that moment.

Yet, he was all alone. He had to push through it, dance around the questions — “was that why you left? To become a man?” “You ruined yourself” “Walburga would be so disappointed” “This is entirely Sirius’s fault. You’re with him now, are you not?” 

In the end, she left empty handed, and Regulus was left alone with shaky limbs and a racing heart. A pit sunk on his stomach for the rest of the day, sending him into autopilot until he was finally getting off work.

His legs were heavier than he could carry, Druella’s voice replaying in his head, flashes of the looks people would give them at the cutting tone she always put on and Regulus’s evident discomfort. It was humiliating, like everything he had gone through in that house, under the same roof as all those people.

At home, he showered, washed his face, scratched his skin — did everything to clean off the dirty edge Druella had left; to clean the scars left by those who were supposed to have protected him.

He sat by the balcony, cigarette in hand. Years ago, that would’ve been unimaginable. The Black heir didn’t smoke; didn’t touch anything that wasn’t clean and pure. 

The Black heir wore ironed dark dresses that belonged to the 1900s. He wore his hair up in a bun just like his mother, and makeup to appease those who visited. In no circumstance would the Black heir ever do anything that wasn’t meticulously calculated and rehearsed.

Every step, every word, every gesture. It was all a dance they were all taught from a very young age — dance which Regulus still hadn’t managed to forget. Too carved into his own brain to ever be totally gone. 

For the longest time he despised it. Hated the fact that, even if unconsciously, he still held the Black blood with him. However, with time he began to appreciate having to teach himself a new life all over again. To be reborn in every sense of the word and get a slight taste of what individuality might’ve been like.

That was until, of course, he was painfully reminded that no matter what he did and how he did it, his family would always be behind him like a shadow. A ghost he couldn’t get rid of.

Regulus could change everything about himself, but he couldn’t wash off his own blood — his genes. At the end of the day, he was still a Black. Still a member of that godawful family, in a way or another.

That he couldn’t change.

His phone rang by the table the next morning. November 2nd. 

He picked it up without checking the number. “Hello?” he replied in a groan, face buried against the pillow.

“Reg!” James’s voice sounded from the other side of the line, and if Regulus didn’t have his eyes closed, he would’ve rolled them.

“James,” he attempted to mimic his tone.

“It’s ten in the morning, what are you doing asleep?” 

“Rough day yesterday,” Regulus rolled in bed until he was laying on his back. “What are you doing awake?”

“Ok, so. I am on my way to the beach house to prepare things for the party tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted a lift?”

“Right now?” he rubbed his eyes, adapting to the light coming out of his window. 

“Yeah, unless you’re not interested in helping.”

He wasn’t. The last thing Regulus desired right mnow was spending his entire day preparing Sirius’s birthday party — sure, okay fine, he was going to do it. Later.

“I have plans for lunch,” lies. He didn’t have any plans. Until now, at least.

James mumbled something about it breaking his heart, but still offered to pick him up whenever Regulus felt like — that’s the thing about James, he was the best person you could ever have in your life.

Completely selfless and a golden heart. He was kind, generous, and clever. A prince charming, if you will. Maybe Regulus hadn’t realised half those things when they first met, but he did now. Oh , if he did.

To him, James could hardly be a real human with legs, arms and a beating heart. He was an angel, a mythological figure sent by God to torment Regulus with desires he couldn’t feed.

Every day, without fail, James would be there. Didn’t leave his side from the moment Regulus and Sirius decided to work their shit out, and, at first, it was a pain in the ass. Regulus hated his presence, his voice and how smug he was — albeit, with time, he’d grown appreciative of how gentle James could be. Appreciative of the talks they’d have that only showed him that James understood.

That’s how he felt around him. Understood. James didn’t have to put in any effort to make Regulus feel heard and seen. To embrace all the vulnerabilities Regulus let slip out and not judge any of them for even a second.

With James, he learnt what a true laugh felt like, and how relieving a good cry was. Every second with him was like floating in heaven, so there was truly nothing Regulus could do but hand him his heart in secret. 

He kept it all for himself. His love to grow and care for as well as suffer, because being in love could be just as cruel as it was freeing.

Loving James wasn’t the problem, though. No, that was the easiest thing Regulus had ever done.

To make up for his lie, Regulus called Pandora up, immediately ripping her out of the comfort of her own house to have lunch with him by the diner down the block. She waited for him in a white coat, beige scarf and light pink gloves — she’d always been one for exaggerations when it came to winter. Always overdressed and warmer than she could actually handle.

Regulus, on the other hand, was perfectly fine with a turtle neck and a long coat he’d owned ever since he was sixteen.

They sat together, talking about everything and anything. Pandora was too one of the only people Regulus could ever confide in. Yet, he doesn’t mention Druella for a single second, heart picking up at the thought of having to admit how he’d failed to be free.

“How old is he turning?” Pandora asked, propping a fry into her mouth.

“Twenty six,” Regulus said.

Her eyebrows shot up. “Bit old, innit?”

Scoffing, Regulus shook his head. “He’s old but he’ll always have the soul of a fifteen year old.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “If anything, you’re older than Sirius.”

Regulus always pretended to agree; inflated his own ego by pretending he was more mature than his brother — that he totally didn’t call for him like a toddler cried for their mum. That he had been prepared for adult life ever since he learned how to talk, because clearly, Regulus wasn’t struggling at all. That was Sirius, who was absolutely not doing amazingly great at being a full functional adult with a house and a fiancé.

At the end of the day, no matter how reckless Sirius could be, he was still older. Still undeniably his big brother whom Regulus would always desperately need. But for the sake of his own image, for others Regulus was the smartest and better brother.

“You’re coming to the party, right?” Regulus’s eyebrows joined together.

Sirius had invited half of Hastings to James’s beach house — because of course he had to throw a winter party at a beach —, like the egotistical fucker he always was. If there was a spotlight, Sirius would take it. For most of his life, Regulus hated him for him. Now it just annoyed him a little less. 

“Obviously. Can I bring Cas?”

“You could bring your whole family and Sirius would be thankful.”

Pandora chuckled, shaking her head. “Noted.”

They ate in a comfortable silence from there on, throwing occasional chatter around — like Evan, and how he was too dumb to realise Barty was head over heels for him, and how Dorcas was absolutely tired of them both.

Regulus never messed too much with his friends’s life, considering he barely had patience to deal with his own issues. They were grown. Therefore, they should know how to take proper care of themselves — for Dorcas, that simply didn’t do. Her maternal instincts were stronger than anything, and naturally, she had to make sure she took care of everyone around her, even if some things were just not her obligation to care for.

It was both a flaw and something Regulus loved about her.

After wrapping up lunch, Pandora made her way back home, whilst Regulus sat by a bench outside, phone in hands and James’s contact shining under his fingertips.

“Reg, hi!” he said after the phone rang for less than five seconds.

“Hi,” Regulus smiled, stomach churning and heart picking up like it always did at James’s voice. “Are you still at the house?”

“I’m on my way to the drug store. We need to buy some candles for the cake – Pete completely forgot about it.”

“Oh, alright.”

“I can pick you up,” he quickly added, breathless. “Where are you?”

“I don’t wanna bother.”

“I’ll pick you up and then we’ll buy the candles, what do you think?”

Regulus opened and closed his mouth, eyes flicking around. “Sure,” he said, unable to be anything other than weak when it came to James.

Objectively, he did not want him to drive all the way into town just to pick him up. It was selfish, and impractical — but it also meant being alone with James, and that he could never deny.

It didn’t take long for James to show up. He’d waited perhaps around half an hour, smoking as he watched people walking back and forth, taking their own lives. Regulus wondered how many of them he would probably see at the party, considering how fast news spread. Regulus would be far from surprised if any of them were friends of a friend of a friend that knew a friend from a friend of Sirius. 

It was when he was stomping on the filter that he’d heard the car horn, accompanied by a smug grin and disheveled curls. 

Regulus shot James a tight smile before walking toward him, bending over the opened window. “Your glasses are crooked,” it’s what he said, fingers coming to fix the stem on his face.

James stared up at him, parted lips and big dark eyes. Regulus merely smiled before going around the car and sinking into the passenger seat.

“How was lunch?” James cleared his throat.

“Nice,” Regulus said. “Panda’s coming to the party.”

“Cool!” he said, a little bit too excitedly. It was no surprise, though, considering James liked his friends better than he liked Regulus himself. “I’m so excited, you know?”

“I can tell,” Regulus’s head rested against the seat, looking right into James, whose head turned between him and the road.

“Is that an insult?”

“No. I like seeing you excited.”

James flushed. Regulus paid no mind, simply watched as he drove so beautifully like everything he did — he gawked at his arms, so thick his shirt seemed to rip at seams. Gawked at his concentrated face; the plump on his lips and the bump on his nose. Gawked at all of him.

James talked about Peter and Marlene, and how they were spending more time arguing than actually helping back at the house. Regulus laughed, and said something about true friendship.

To that, James agreed. “It’s what happens when you’ve been friends your entire life.”

Regulus wouldn’t know. All of his friends had shown up later in his life — Barty was the only one he had met before leaving his home, and even then, they only truly started being friends weeks before the flee, bonding over the newfound discovery of their hatred for their families.

So, if there was something Regulus was unfamiliar with, it’d be childhood best friends.

“I can imagine,” it’s what he said.

James didn’t comment on it. Simply asked how Regulus was doing, to which he replied saying he was fine, even if he wasn’t. Not entirely.

Not when Druella was still stuck to the back of his brain. James seemed to sense it, but didn’t push. He knew Regulus would talk when he felt like he should. No amount of questions would ever rip the truth out of him.

“You know,” James began, tentatively. “I am aware that the past couple years you’ve spent Christmas with your friends, but… I don’t know, do you wanna make an exception this year?”

Regulus blinked. “Are you inviting me to spend Christmas with you?”

James inhaled slowly, and then, let it all go in one big breath. “Yeah. Yes, I am – what do you say?”

He swallowed down. Naturally, he knew Euphemia and Fleamont Potter — lovely people, they were. Really reflected on their son, making it obvious as to why he was the incredible man he was. However, it was one thing to bump into them when he was hanging out with James; it was another thing spending Christmas at their home. Intrusive, personal. 

Regulus dreaded the thought of it.

Still, he agreed. “Sure, I’ll warn Evan, then.”

James’s smile stretched from ear to ear as he didn’t even attempt to hide his happiness. Regulus found it adorable despite the pit on his stomach.

They stopped by the drug store, James getting out of the car first to open the door for Regulus, which earned him a roll of eyes.

“I’m a grown adult,” he had said.

James had laughed, and they walked inside together. Now, Regulus didn’t know where the candles were, but he kept his head up, looking around. He picked things up and put them back down, knowing he would never buy them even with money in his wallet.

James, however, seemed to think differently — Regulus had noticed it the first time he held up a vintage looking notebook. James had carefully stared, but didn’t do anything. When they turned around and walked back in the aisle, he said no words before throwing it into the cart. Regulus’s heart jumped, and although he attempted to complain, James was faster, throwing him a look over his shoulder.

The third time, it had been subtler. Regulus’s eyes locked with a celestial moon mirror, and as he reached to grab it, James’s hand brushed against his. He flinched, looking up. James smiled, and asked, “Do you like it?”

“I was just going to see it.”

James took that as a yes, and before Regulus knew, the mirror was in the cart right next to the notebook. He learnt the lesson to never touch anything in stores when in James’s presence. Especially because he didn’t even let him pay.

When they walked out, James held a bag with more than just candles.

They got to the house a couple minutes after. Minutes which were filled with chatter about things that didn’t even matter — like how James was taught how to drive by Fleamont, and how doing it made himself feel closer to his dad.

Regulus said he didn’t know how to drive, and James promised he would help. Knowing him like he did, Regulus was aware he definitely would.

Getting there, Peter and Marlene hung a big “HAPPY 26” on the doorway. It was, without a doubt, an exaggeration — perfect for Sirius. After all, everyone needed to know what the party was really about.

“Hello!” Peter waved, getting down the latter.

“Peter!” Marlene groaned as the six fell down the ground. “I swear to all the Lords above I’m going to kill you.”

Peter ignored her, walking up to where James and Regulus stood. “Did you bring the candles?”

“I did. We’re going to put it inside.”

Peter mumbled something about taking it instead, but James persisted, grabbing Regulus by the wrist and dragging him inside as Peter returned to helping Marlene.

Regulus had been to James’s beach house before, just never in the winter because he was a normal human being. If in the middle of town the weather was cold, then here it was freezing, just a few feet away from the sea.

He handled it as well as he could, shivering inside his coat that was now zipped up. James, on the other hand, seemed to be just fine in his long sleeve, with no layers below or over it. Perhaps he was just used to being here all the time — because James was not a normal person who respected the seasons, just like Sirius.

They separated the things for Sirius’s birthday. There were packs of beers and bottles of every sort of alcohol drink. Considering people were probably bringing more, Regulus could tell the party would be a longtime disaster, in the good sense of the word, if there was even one.

For the rest of the day, Regulus helped set everything up. Four people made the job easier, meaning that by four in the afternoon, everything was settled and ready. The rooms locked away not to allow any horny couples inside, and the lights were dimmed to flickering leds that for now, were turned off.

Marlene and Peter stayed by the kitchen island, eating some of the party snacks, which was totally deserving considering how hard they’d worked.

Regulus and James, on the other hand, paced outside, sitting by the table in front of the beach. Regulus rested his legs on the chair in front of him, and James stared at him. Their eyes locked, and in that moment, all Regulus wanted to do was kiss the shit out of him.

He wondered, then, if he ever saw him the same way his family did — if he’d forever be Sirius’s young sister in his eyes and not the man he had become.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Regulus shrugged. “You.”

James’s breath hitched. “What exactly?”

“You have glitter on your nose.”

A giggle ripped out of him as James flinched, rubbing the tip of his very clean nose. He stared at his clean hand, and shot Regulus a murderous look. “I hate you.”

“It was funny.”

James rolled his eyes despite the grin on his lips. He looked so beautiful — so, so, so mesmerising that it bordered the pain. He told himself for years that having James as a friend was more than enough. That they could never be more than that; had reached a limit.

But, as time went, the more desperate it felt to not have him whole. To not hold him, kiss his lips and interlock their fingers — all he wanted was to call James his. To not share him with the girls and the boys that didn’t give up on romancing him whenever their eyes laid on his figure.

Albeit, Regulus couldn’t really judge them for it. Where James went, a light followed, bringing all the attention to him. His personality made it worse, the lovely fucker he was.

Regulus held no chance, and that fucked him up.

“We should go for a swim tomorrow,” James said. “I’d let you borrow my swimwear.”

Regulus contorted his nose. “It’s November, James.”

“And?”

“It’s freezing.”

“It’s not winter yet.”

“For me it is,” he shrugged. “Autumn is a concept, the only thing that truly changes is the snow.”

“Meaning, everything. It’s not even that cold.”

Regulus sighed. “Fine.”

“So you’ll go for a swim with me?” his eyes glistened like a puppy.

“No,” he said, much to James’s dismay. “But I can watch you swim.”

That wasn’t enough. It was never enough with James. “I’ll convince you to go.”

Regulus scoffed, although he probably would. Weak man, he was.

For hours, they stayed outside, watching the sun go down quicker than they’d like. Sirius got there around seven, accompanied by Remus, whose arm was resting around his shoulders.

“Reggie! You helped,” he celebrated it in a hug.

“I did.”

“Thank you.”

Regulus smiled, but what he truly meant was: I’ll always help.

Because wasn’t that the truth? Regulus would go to the end of the world for his brother, whether he’d like to admit such a fact or not — probably wouldn’t even need to, considering Sirius understood his silence.

Hanging out with Sirius’s friends was terrible at first. He felt like an intruder as well as left out. Like he didn’t belong. Nowadays, it was just like hanging out with his own friends. They sat by the living room after Sirius looked at what they’d prepared for the party, and drank a beer as they chatted and laughed about what could happen at the party.

They talked about everything except for the possibility of it being absolute trash for Regulus — which it was.

The party started less than an hour after Sirius had arrived, and Regulus had the misfortune of seeing his ex-boyfriend less than five minutes into it. He hugged a girl, and kissed her cheek — and truly, Regulus had moved on from Avery. Had forgotten about their story long ago. It simply sucked having to see him so happy when Regulus was still mopping around in life, trying to figure out the meaning of everything.

Their relationship had been messy. A constant up and down Regulus mistook for love — he’d told himself, back when they last broke up, that if things continued, they’d become his parents, and that’s the truth. Love hadn’t been there after the first six months, they simply pushed through it until the string broke entirely. Even after trying to knot it together, it didn’t work. It was thin, and sensitive, breaking and breaking until there was nothing to try and fix anymore. 

Then, things got worse when people began drinking and dancing. Regulus had never been much of a party person, always in corners, drinking and watching — this time, it hadn’t been different.

Sirius was having a blast, jumping on his fiancé and downing every possible drink he could find. By ten in the night, everyone was already pissed. Regulus included.

His phone buzzed once, twice. And then, a third and fourth time before Regulus took it out of his pocket, an unknown number shining on his screen. He’d frown before picking up.

“Hello?”

And it came. His worst nightmare, the worst thing that could’ve happened to him. His mother's voice sounded, calling him by the same name Druella had spoken yesterday. 

Regulus froze, just like he had done before.

“Are you not going to answer?”

“So-sorry, mother,” he cleared his throat.

This time, he had Sirius around — but looking up, and seeing him dance around in Lily’s arms, he decided to handle it all alone like he had done before.

“You disappear, for years. Years. Ungrateful little brat, ran away after everything I’ve done for you — and for what? To become a man? What’re you thinking?! What a disgrace.”

He gulped, all of him shaking. “I can’t speak right now.”

And he couldn’t. For many reasons, one of them being how he could not stop wondering about how she’d gotten his number. How she now knew what he was doing and what he’d become. 

“Where are you? What’s this noise?”

“I can’t speak,” he said, but didn’t move to hang up.

She screamed some more, comparing him to Sirius and calling him every name on the book. Regulus felt like throwing up right there in the middle of the party, and it was only when she threatened to pick him up to fix what he’d broken about himself, that he hung up.

He stared at his screen. The call had been up to six minutes. He’d stood there for six minutes hearing every barbarity he had once been used to — right now, he truly had no idea how he even endured this constant feeling of fight of flight.

How natural all was to him back in the day. The dread, the fear, the guilt. He felt humiliated on a daily basis. As it all came down to him, he felt a knot forming on his throat.

He needed Sirius, but Sirius was having a blast. He was enjoying his party the way he should, and Regulus would never be selfish enough to ruin it for him. 

He pushed through the crowd, all the way outside. He took off his shoes and socks, leaving them hanging on top of a chair before walking down the sand.

It was unbearably cold late at night. His limbs shook from the weather and the anxiety hosting his body — if anything, he’d have hypothermia and finally get away from the torment of his family.

Sighing, he sat down near the sea, where the sand was still dry. Hugging his own legs, he stared down the void of the ocean. So dark and peaceful, exactly how Regulus wished he was. 

He’d always envied the sea for it. How strong it was, claiming what was right for it and shoving away any threats. Regulus couldn’t be like that — he accepted things. He didn’t have a spine to fight for what he needed.

The sea did. The ocean was scary, and powerful. It was calm as much as it was a storm. In another life, Regulus wished to be part of it. To get away from humanity and embrace the nature within.

He inhaled slowly, freshening up his interiors. The moon reflected on the waves, lightening a path Regulus wanted to take. He wanted to get up and walk above water, to find out what’s after the horizon.

Maybe he’d find peace. A world where his family could not touch him, not bother him. A world where he was everything he had always wanted to be and couldn’t.

A side of life he would never discover, forever tied to his demons.

“Reg?” he heard, and looking over his shoulder, he caught the moment James had stopped walking. His face crumbled in concern. “What happened?”

He had always found it amusing how James didn’t need to know to know. To understand. One look at Regulus, and there was certainty something wasn’t okay.

Regulus didn’t reply, and that made James sink next to him, scooting closer to his side. The warmth of his body soothed him softly.

“Mum,” it’s all he said.

James’s face fell. “What did she do?”

A shaky breath. “I’ll never be free, James,” he said. “Yesterday my aunt found me at my workplace and she said all the terrible things you can imagine. It’s so tiring, so, so tiring. I can’t escape them.”

Silently, James slid himself off his jacket, placing it over Regulus’s shaky shoulders. “And she told your mum?”

Regulus scoffed, allowing James’s scent to vibrate all over him. “Obviously. My mum called me, too – I’ve no idea how she found my number, but she told me… god.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” James held his hand, but Regulus shook his head.

“It’s not,” he stated. “I can’t run away. I tried, and they found me. They’ll always find me. I’ll always be a disappointment–”

“You saved your life.”

“I know,” he gazed at the sand below their feet, and then, up to the sea. The party went off behind their backs, music loud enough to shake the world around them. 

“You’re not a disappointment.”

“But I am – they… they did everything for me to be different than Sirius. To be someone they believed was right. And then… then I ran away. In some weird way, I miss them, James.”

He confessed, eyes locked in his. James’s face crumbled in pain. “I miss them. I wonder if… if maybe I was their little girl, I would’ve stayed. Maybe I would’ve experienced their love eventually. If maybe… if maybe they loved me.”

“People who love you don’t hurt you.”

People who love you don’t hurt you.

“But what if they didn’t mean to?”

“They were aware of what they were doing,” James said. “They didn’t love you, they loved what they wanted you to become. But… gods, Reg. You’re so much more than that. You’re not an heir, you’re a person. You’re someone worthy of a good life, of happiness.”

He scoffed, head resting against James’s shoulder. The waves swallowed the shore, and for a second, Regulus wanted to be taken with it. To float on the sea, and wander somewhere else.

“They called me by my old name,” he mumbled. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you see me as her?” he blinked slowly, bracing himself for impact.

“What?” James’s shoulder stiffened below his head.

“Do you see me as her? ” he repeated, slowly. “Did you just… get used to how I look and how I like to be addressed?”

“No,” he said calmly, sincerely. “I see you as you are – Regulus. I didn’t get used to anything. From the moment I saw you again when you walked into Sirius’s house for the first time, I felt like I was meeting you all over again. It was never something I questioned. It was like… like you hadn’t even changed. Like no matter how feminine you might’ve looked one day, you were always Regulus. I could see it inside your eyes. Now it’s just on the outside too.”

Regulus hummed, and there’s an arm sliding across his back. Their bodies pressed against each other.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling as James kissed the top of his head.

“You’re not who they want you to be,” he remembered. “You’re more than your family, you’re better. You have a good heart, as cold as it can be,” Regulus chuckled, “and… even if they can be unbearably haunting, you need to remember that, if you have a life right now, it's because they aren’t part of it.”

Regulus detached his head from James’s shoulder to look at him, letting his words sink in. He had always been a wise, observant man. It was truly scary how much he could see right through Regulus, how much he saw who he really was inside. Never fooled by the facade he insisted on putting on.

“Do you wanna know the funniest part of it all?” James hummed for him to continue, “I picked Regulus exactly because of our family tradition. No matter how hard I try, I'll always try to please them, and they don’t even know.”

James narrowed his eyes. “You know, I think it fits you very well. I can’t imagine you having another name.”

Regulus laughed through his nose, and grabbing James’s wrist, he pointed to the sky. “You see that one star? That’s Cassiopeia. Right there is Sirius and there is me, the heart of the lion. ”

James hummed. “Constellation of Leo?"

“Exactly,” he let go of his arm. “Regulus and Sirius are far apart, that’s why I chose it when I did. I guess I was feeling extra sad.”

James stayed silent for a bit. “You aren’t anymore.”

Regulus chuckled, but didn’t reply. He stared at the sky, his family’s legacy. Legacy which he had willingly continued.

“You know, my mum always told me I was like a lion,” James said hesitantly.

Regulus looked back at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. It makes sense now.”

James smiled lopsided, and Regulus frowned. “Well, you are in my heart.”

Regulus’s stomach sank, and then, rushed up his throat. He rolled his eyes, and James laughed. “I’m serious!”

He threatened to stand up, and James pushed him back down by the arms, both laughing like maniacs. When their eyes locked, he saw how soft James’s eyes were. Warm and brown.

“You’re stupid.”

“I swear, Reg,” his laughter ceased. “I’m laughing because I'm nervous.”

“Nervous?”

James’s eyes flickered across his face, staying at his lips. All the air was punched out of Regulus’s lungs as he stared back at James’s lips.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Why?”

“Can I kiss you?” the question hit him like a truck. Regulus swallowed down, his entire body buzzing from head to toe.

Slowly, Regulus nodded. That was when his entire world spun upside down. As James’s lips crashed onto his, his body faltered, relaxing into James’s touch.

His hands held Regulus’s jaw like he could break at any moment, so delicate and lovely. Regulus sighed against his lips, opening up to welcome his tongue.

Their kiss was like a slow dance they knew the steps of by heart. It was slow as much as it was hungry. It reeked as love.

Regulus’s hands slid to his hair, holding him down as he crawled closer to him, James’s jacket sliding down his back.

Around them, the ocean was heard, party music rumbling under their body. Everything was muffled as they intertwined.

It took Regulus loads of courage to detach from James’s lips, panting as they stared at each other. Their eyes flickered between their eyes and lips, both astonished by what had happened, and then, they kissed again.

It tasted like alcohol and cigarettes, a mix of each other in their tongues. The kiss was faster, and shorter, because James couldn’t help but laugh.

“What?” Regulus laughed along.

“Sorry. Sorry, I just can’t believe this happened,” he said, holding his face to splash kisses all across Regulus’s face.

He giggled. “ James! ”

“You truly are the heart of the lion. My heart. I’ve been in love with you for so long.”

Regulus’s eyes glimmered. “Really?”

James nodded. “I never thought you’d want me back.”

I love you, Regulus wanted to say. Yet, he didn’t, simply nodded. “I do.”

“How long?”

“Ever since the day I introduced you to my friends.”

James gasped softly. “That was years ago.”

“I know,” he whispered, flushed all over. James smiled, and kissed him again.

Regulus quickly found out he could do this forever. 

“Come swim with me.”

“What?! James, I’m freezing!”

“C’mon! Let’s celebrate.”

“No,” he exasperated. “James, we need to talk.”

He didn’t reply before standing up with Regulus in his arms. “We can talk later!”

“James!” he screamed as the jacket fell on the sand. His heart pounded on his chest as James ran to the sea.

But, it didn’t matter how much he protested, there wasn’t an inch of him that was mad. Not even a little bit — not when he came to James.

He let himself fall into the water as they both yelled at how freezing it was. Laughing when they returned to the surface. 

Regulus screamed at James, saying he hated him. James held him, kissed him and spinned him around.

For a day that had started so terribly, Regulus was happier than he ever thought he would be. Excited for what his life had reserved for him.