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Kaveh misses that feeling of innocence and tenderness when they first met, and everything felt easier, simpler. Every interaction was lighter; it didn’t feel as though there was an underlying tone to every spoken word. No yearning, anger, or guilt weighing heavy on every word he spoke. He took it for granted just how carefree his Akademiya days were, ignoring the ever-pending stress of deadlines and work. It was there he met Alhaitham, who at the time didn’t have the cold external shell he presents now.
Alhaitham was never starry-eyed like the other juniors, never crowding in the halls or following the group; he stood out in his own way, and Kaveh never fully understood why out of every student he could have opened up to in Akademiya why Alhaitham chose him. Though maybe as much as he liked to deny it, it was because in reality they understood each other best, they had no one else but each other. Kaveh, for as many friends as he had, he always found himself seeking the warmth of studying side by side with the grey-haired boy in the stillness of the late-night house of Deana, where it was just the two of them in the comfortable silence.
Alhaitham, as a junior, was all awkward limbs and features that he hadn’t seemed to grow into yet, the stereotypical angsty teenager, or at least that’s how je appeared to everybody else as. He didn’t have many friends, and those who did hang around him saw him as selfish or cold, but Kaveh knew that under that aloof front was something warm. The “cold” boy was the same one who would bring him coffee on the tougher days, the same boy who would drag Kaveh back to the empty home his mother left him on the nights were he got a little too drunk for him to handle, the same boy who would stay up late to review notes with him before an early test day. Kaveh felt a sense of pride in being the only one who got to see that side of Alhaitham, the warm and loving side that was reserved only for him.
That’s why it hurt so much when he lost him.
A petty argument that at the time felt so real, resulting in words that felt like cold water being dumped over him, shaking his very core. They had argued before, but never to that extent; it was over a simple project, a project ending in a ripped thesis and a crossed-out name. All that was left of their once-strong friendship was a cavern. Stolen glances during passing hours, hearing about each other through acquaintances. He once had thought of Alhaitham as his soulmate, and at the time, he couldn’t help but wonder, had Alhaitham ever cared as much as he did. Kaveh wanted to deny it, and deny he did, deep down,,,, he knew the truth. Did they ever truly understand each other, or was it all surface-level? The fight was everlasting; it broke something dear. Something he thought he could never fix.
He found himself looking back at it often, wondering if it was his fault, if he was doomed to drive everyone away eventually, guilt becoming a part of him as time dragged on. He liked to believe he grew to hate Alhaitham for the time he was gone, yet he couldn’t. The bottles made the guilt worse. Time went on, he built the palace of Alcazarzaray, and with that he went into debt. Yet all the destruction brought something good, it brought Alhaitham back.
That's how he found himself on a Thursday afternoon in the living room, Alhaitham right across from him. He was reading a book, his hands holding it tightly as he flipped the pages with precision, his eyes scanning the pages. Kaveh, on the other hand, was lying down, glancing back up and down between the man across from him and the sketchbook he held in his left hand, pencil in his right. He had been drawing him for the past hour or so. Though he found himself stuck with drawing a particular angle of his face, he wanted to do Alhaitham justice in this sketch, properly capture his beauty. On one of his upward glances, Alhaitham seemed to catch his eyes, raising an eyebrow.
“Is everything alright?” he asked however it sounded more like a statement than a question in Kaveh’s ears.
“Can you tilt your head to the left a bit?” Kaveh found himself saying, almost carelessly
Althaitham looked at him, seemingly curious, eyebrow still ever so slightly raised “Why, do you need me to turn my head exactly?”
“Just do it, Alhaitham, I'm not asking much!” Kaveh huffed out.
Surprisingly Alhaitham didn’t put up a fight, tilting his head, allowing Kaveh to see the side of face, his side profile was lit up by the golden light of the diminishing sun, his blue green tinted eyes gaining a new hue to them in the sun, the sun kissed his face lightly showering him in colors of orange and yellow as the light poured in from the window. Kaveh sketched out his features from his sharp jawline to his full lips, not wanting to leave out any detail.
“Stay here real quick, just let me get something from my room.” Kaveh quickly scrambled up, leaving his sketchbook on the seat.
“Do I stay posed the whole time you’re gone or…?” seemingly annoyed, Kaveh knew better than to think that.
“Oh– No, no, you can relax….just don’t move from where you’re sitting!” Kaveh quickly moved through their shared home. He can’t recall when he started calling Alhaitham’s home, their home, but it felt right.
He shuffled around his room, going through his desk. Recently, he had been experimenting with watercolor, but he had been stuck in an art rut, and Alhaitham was the perfect muse to pull him right out. Finding the slightly used pallet under a pile of discarded sketches, he went back to where Alhaitham was lying back, one leg propped under the other, still basking in the afternoon sun. Kaveh plopped himself back in his seat with a cup of water, quickly dipping his brush and bringing color into the sketch.
While the sketch seemed stiff, the color seemed to bring life to it. Coloring the warmth of his cheeks and the softness of his eyes. A once-rigged sketch had become the embodiment of the man he loved. The sketch represented him perfectly to everybody else in Sumeru; he was arrogant and selfish, but to Kaveh, he was simply just Alhaitham, tender and warm in his own way.
And so the afternoon went on, Alhaitham reading while Kaveh devoted his time to capturing Alhaitham's image in his sketchbook.
Alhaitham eventually glanced up, looking at Kaveh once he seemed to notice his paintbrush come to a halt. “So is our master architect finished with his drawing?”
Kaveh was snapped back into reality by the sound of Alhaitham’s voice. He, quickly locked eyes with him.. “Actually, yes, as a matter of fact, I have finished!”
“You know, for an artist, you take awfully long on such a simple piece.” A smug smile settling on his face
“Why, I’ll let you know a portrait isn’t as simple as you’d think, it takes time to really capture a person on a piece of paper, not like you’d know anyhow, you’re painfully uncreative.” To any outside perspective, it would sound as if the two of them were arguing, yet it wouldn’t really be them if there wasn’t some banter thrown in.
“The ‘painfully uncreative’ person is the same one you just so happened to have spent the afternoon drawing, so why don’t you just show me.”
Kaveh handed over the sketchbook containing the painting, which Alhaitham accepted, and brought it up to look at it properly. Kaveh held his breath,, silently praying he’d like the portrait. His prayers seemed answered when a slight smile came upon Alhaitham's face, that same smile leaving as quickly as it had appeared.
“It’s ok, some of the lines are smudged with the watercolor,” putting the sketchbook down.
“Just ok?! You liar, I saw you smile!” Kaveh quickly grabbed for his sketchbook, bringing it up to his chest.
“Why is our senior seeing things? I don’t recall smiling.”
Kaveh threw his hands in the air “You know Alhaitham your audacity never manages to astonish me, you know what next time i just won’t paint you at all, i spent all afternoon dedicating my time to paint you and here you are saying it’s ok, i know i saw that smile Alhaitham you can deny it all you want but–”
Laughter rang through the air, and Kaveh brought his eyes back to Alhaitham to see him laughing. The sound managed to melt any semblance of annoyance in Kaveh quickly bringing him to laughter. Their conjoined laughter filled the air, a moment so perfectly tender, a moment just shared between the two of them. A year ago, Kaveh wouldn’t have believed you if you told him he was sitting in their shared living room, him and Alhaitham laughing together. He felt so incredibly light, hearing the laughter, a genuine laugh, not one of the sarcastic ones he threw around, no, a genuine soulful laugh. He wanted to keep that sound close to him, keep it in his mind forever on a never-ending loop.
Soon, the laughter died down, and the sun was setting now, shading the room in newfound darkness. Alhaitham’s eyes shifted towards him, and in a whispered tone, almost as if he was afraid to shatter the moment if he spoke too loudly. “The painting was beautiful, Kaveh.” His name breathed out more than spoken
“Wow, I didn’t know you were capable of giving a genuine compliment, my dear junior,” Kaveh giggled out the last part.
They sat there in comfortable silence just like they used to back in their Akademiya, except it was different. They thought they understood each other back then,, yet it took time apart for them to truly understand each other and heal together. It took Alhaitham inviting him back into his life, a simple invitation changed everything. They were opposites in every way possible, yet they fitted perfectly together. Every path always leading back to Alhaitham.
Soon, the night came to an end, yet Kaveh couldn’t find the strength in him to part from Alhaitham, so he soon found himself lying in bed next to the younger man. Holding him as if he were something delicate, as if any wrong move and he would wake up. He carded his hands through his grey hair, while Alhaitham slept peacefully, his, soft breaths filling the air. Soon, he lolling himself to sleep, feeling wholeheartedly at home, looping his arm around Alhaitham's waist before passing out.
-
He woke up the next morning, the sun peaking out through the sheer curtains of Alhaitham’s room, twisting and turning till he sat up. Last night he had laid down with the younger man, yet to his surprise, he was alone now. Alhaitham no longer lay beside him. Safe to say he was confused, yeah the man usually woke up early, but checking the clock it was only– 7 am, and it was a Friday, normally Alhaitham woke up slightly later on Fridays, Kaveh would know because they tended to share Friday mornings together, a habit they formed over the past couple months. The events of last night almost felt like a dream, a soft afternoon spent just between the two of them, just thinking about it made his face flush. Begrudgingly, Kaveh got up, rubbing his eyes, and allowed himself to fully wake up. He tiredly made his way into their living room, where he was able to peer into the kitchen.
Alhaitham stood in their kitchen, though from Kaveh’s angle he could only see the man's broad back and shoulders. He was brewing coffee for the two of them, the scent wafting through the air of their home.
Alhaitham seemed to sense Kaveh’s eyes on him. “I see you finally decided to wake up.” Kaveh couldn’t see him, yet he could hear the smile in his tone of voice.
“What do you mean by finally, if anything, I should still be asleep, why are you even awake this early?”
Peering over his shoulder, Alhaitham held up a cup of coffee, clearly Kaveh’s, as it was in his mug, the one Alhaitham bought for him down by the market, the mug had a design of a hand-painted lion on the front. “Can’t I do something nice for my senior, or am I not allowed?”
“Since when have you been so kind, Alhaitham, you out of all people making me coffee?” Alhaitham had changed his schedule to get up early to make me coffee, an act so small yet it warmed Kaveh’s heart.
“Don’t let it get to your head, this won’t be an everyday thing.” Alhaitham turned, now facing Kaveh, handing him his coffee. He remembered Kaveh liked his coffee black, a conversation they had when he first moved here.
–
“Are– Are we really arguing about how I like to have coffee in the morning?!” Kaveh huffed exasperated. “Black coffee has the most caffeine, making it perfectly suitable to have in the morning!”
“You, out of all people, should be having caffeine; you're already a nervous mess on your own.” Stared blank-faced at Kaveh, seemingly uninterested.
“Alhaitham, you cannot be talking about how I drink my coffee, your coffee is more milk with sugar than actual coffee!” Kaveh continued, “And I’ll let you know I do need the caffeine, i have a much more demanding job than you do, all you do all day is sit in your office doing god knows what!”
“You complain so much about my job, yet which one of us is the one with financial stability here?” Alhaitham raised an eyebrow at him, looking ever so smug. God, Kaveh hated when Alhaitham did that.
“Wow, low blow even for you, Alhaitham, at least I actually have a passion and love for what I do!”
“I love the fact that my job gives me financial freedom, you can’t say the same, can you?”
“You know what I'm not arguing about this right now with you! I have a meeting with a client today, and if everything goes well, I may not have to deal with your egotistical attitude any longer!” and with that, Kaveh grabbed his belongings and stormed out the door, ignoring Alhaitham's proud smile at knowing he won this argument.
They argued again later that same day, about a piece of, in Kaveh’s opinion, hideous painting Alhaitham had bought simply to spite him.
–
Kaveh grabbed the coffee that Alhaitham had handed him, giving him a lopsided smile. He drank his coffee, leaning against one of the kitchen cabinets, watching Alhaitham as he made his coffee, “Alhaitham I have a question.” Kaveh blurted out of nowhere, his mouth running faster than his mind. Alhaitham turned towards him, making a slight hm sound.
“I-um, what are we exactly?” Kaveh paused before continuing, “Are we friends again, or and maybe this is just me…, but are we something more?” Kaveh whispered the last part, slowly looking at Alhaitham in his eyes.
Alhaitham answered as plain as day, “We’re whatever you want us to be.”
“Alhaitham, answer the question seriously!” Kaveh retorted
“That is my answer, though, whatever you want us to be, that is what we are, Kaveh.” A flash of vulnerability appeared on his face as he continued shuffling closer to Kaveh. “I want you to decide, what is it that you want? Stop thinking about others, about me for once, and think about yourself. What is that you desire? What do you want us to be?” And lord, at that moment, he was face to face with Alhaitham, and he allowed himself to really look at him, not just at his appearance, but really truly look, and what he saw left him agape.
He saw the man that he loved, the man who had dragged him back home from the tavern when he got exceptionally drunk, the man he spends day and night with. He sees the once socially awkward junior who had grown from being shorter than him to ever so slightly surpassing him. He saw the love that Alhaitham looked at him with, not just love, but trust. When they separated, he grieved him, yet now he had him standing right in front of him in arm's reach, it almost felt like a dream, an overly sweet dream. And Kaveh looked back at him with just as much love. Why had he ever avoided this? What was he so afraid of? He kept reminding himself that what they had was real, that this was real.
Kaveh smiled, “I don’t want anything to change between us, that's for sure, but i want to be with you Alhaitham, in every way a person can be with another person.”
Alhaitham stepped forward, lifting an arm to ever so slightly cradle the side of Kaveh's face, his hand warm on his cool skin, he placed his other hand lightly on his hip. They were so close that Kaveh could feel Alhaitham breathe lightly on his lips, as they both gazed into each other
“You already have me, Kaveh, you have had me since the beginning.” And at that, Kaveh quickly lopped his arms on the back of Alhaitham's neck, bringing him forward for a kiss. The kiss warmed his whole body, with what can only be described as pure ecstasy. His lips were soft on his, Gentle, soon turning hungry, years of pent-up love bursting into the kiss, a tug and pull between the two of them. Kaveh found himself smiling into the kiss, soon separating into laughter. They stayed there in the kitchen, basking in the warmth of one another. Alhaitham chased his lips once more, the kisses turning heavy and ravenous, communicating years of want to one another. Kaveh felt a hand wandering from his waist to the back of his head, bringing him even closer, the movement causing Kaveh to slightly gasp, allowing Alhaitham entry into his mouth, the kiss growing needier by the minute. Kaveh's hand trailed down, trying to make up for lost time, exploring down the man's front. The kiss only stopped due to both of them running out of breath, panting as they pulled apart.
“God, that was better than I imagined.” Kaveh breathed out.
“Oh so you’ve imagined this before?” Alhaitham smirked at him.
Kaveh sighed still smiling “Don’t start with your teasing Alhaitham we are having a nice moment!”
“I wasn’t going to tease you, for a matter fact i have dreamed of this moment for years.” Alhaitham leaned back in to place a quick kiss to his lips.
Kaveh pulled back from the kiss, now it was his turn to tease. “Just how many years have you thought about this..?”
Alhaitham leaned in “I have wanted to kiss you since i first met you Kaveh, like i said you have had me since the very beginning, i have loved you for as long as i can remember.” Alhaitham looked at him like he was something precious, something to be worshiped and cared for, taking kavehs hand of his waist to place a light kiss on his knuckles.
“Who knew you could be so romantic Alhaitham” Kaveh wanted the words to come out in a teasing manner yet they sounded more nervous then teasing. Kaveh let Alhaitham drag him foward, kisses going from his knuckles to his shoulders now, warm breathe fanning over his sensitive skin, sending shivers up his spine. Lips soon joining back together for a more tender, gentle kiss. Kaveh pulled back first, once he noticed the time that was displayed on the kitchen clock.
“Alhaitham– can we continue this later, im gonna miss a meeting i have with a client, all because you distracted me!” Kaveh huffed out.
“I distracted you? if anything i recall you being the one to touch the topic.”
“For a matter of fact you are very distracting Alhaitham, we– we can continue this later but for now i have to get dressed for a meeting. Kaveh placed a soft kiss to Alhaithams cheek before subtracting himself from his arms, A slight sense of disappointment after the contact was gone. Alhaitham seemed to feel the same for the slight annoyance that seemed to display across his face, though he did ultimately let kaveh go, all be it with an annoyed huff.
“Don’t be so disappointed Alhaitham, don’t forget you have work to, which you’ll be late to if you don’t start getting ready now.” Kaveh giggled quickly making his way to his room, turning around to glance at Alhaitham who was finishing his now surely cold coffee. “We can continue our little eh– session later once we are both back!”
Kaveh spent the day thinking of Alhaitham, he had kissed him before leaving for his meeting, yet throughout the day he found that he missed the man. It was bizarre how life played out they went from being bestfriends to hating one another to now supposedly, lovers. Yet he was glad things played out like this, they weren’t perfect by any means but in Kavehs mind they were more than that. Two opposites meant for one another, a balance.