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Shane has no idea why he was so nervous meeting Ryan's family in his capacity as a boyfriend. Ryan's family is fucking delightful.
Mrs-Bergara-Please-Call-Me-Linda pulls Shane into a hug worthy of a son returned from war. "Shane, it's so good to meet you! Ryan has told us so much about you."
Shane says the, "Only good things I hope?" line, and they all laugh.
"You'll find out," Linda wags her eyebrows in the most Ryan-way possible and shepherds them through the front door, only pausing to lift Dan right out of his baby carrier. "Oh, there's my sweet grandson. Come to grandma."
Linda does not wait for either Ryan or Shane and waltzes straight past them into the living room with Dan on her hip.
After closing the door, Ryan turns to Shane. "I think my kid just got kidnapped."
"Maybe man, but I'll let you deal with that, I've got a good first impression to make."
"You traitor," Ryan says with a handsome, almost grateful smile.
It takes just one flash of Ryan's smile to settle the bundle of nerves in Shane's stomach. He will be fine. Just go with the flow.
They shrug off their jackets and leave their shoes and the baby carrier in the hallway. The only thing Shane brings into the house is his plastic bag wrapped around his traybake of babka. He then lets Ryan lead him into his childhood home.
From the outside Shane could not have been able to tell that the interior is ginormous. It is surprisingly cozy; all wood, yellow-cream colors with family pictures on the walls, Linda is fixing Dan a mashed banana in the beige tiled kitchen, and Steven Bergara is blasting the grill in the spacious green backyard. It should not surprise Shane that Ryan hails from a perfectly all-American 1990s teen movie family, but it makes him feel all fussy inside.
Ryan nudges Shane into the direction of the garden. "Let's go meet my dad."
"Yup." Shane follows him through the sliding door, mumbling to himself while they cross the grass on socked feet, "Totally."
Ryan ducks under his father's arm for a hug. "Hey, Dad."
"Hey you," Steven gives him a sideways once-over, always with one eye on the grill, "You're looking good."
"Thanks." Ryan beams. "I got six undisrupted hours of sleep last night."
"Good for you, kid." Their arms slide off each other's shoulders. Steven's attention turns to Shane. "Why don't you introduce your friend?"
"Dad, this is Shane."
For a man of Ryan's height Steven Bergara is still physically imposing, Shane doesn't let the warm smile and greying hair fool him. The unblinking eye contact during their handshake says it all. Don't mess with my kid and grandkid.
"Thanks for having me, Mr Bergara."
"It's nice to finally meet you," Mr Bergara has yet to stop shaking his hand, "and call me Steven."
"Steven it is."
Steven points his meat tongs at Shane's plastic bag. "Did you bring something?"
"I did, it's babka, sort of a potato dish. Ryan told me not to bring anything, but I didn't want to come empty-handed, so."
This seems to please Steven. A smile creeps up from behind his salt-pepper mustache. One point for Shane. Two, if you count making Linda laugh earlier. "That's very thoughtful of you," Steven says, "you can put it out on the table if you like. Ryan, why don't you show Shane where he can put the food and start setting the table."
Ryan nudges Shane back inside and into the small dining room adjacent to the kitchen. The room is just big enough to fit one round wooden table with six chairs around and a large wooden cabinet storing the serving dishes and utensils.
They set the table under Linda's instruction, with napkins, plates, forks, and steak knives for each seat and room for the sides at the center of the table, including his babka. It promises to be a feast, with no expenses spared on good quality Californian brewn beer. Linda made coleslaw, bread, corn, cornbread, mac'n cheese and a wide assortment of dips. Shane's mouth is watering just from dividing the cutlery and destacking dishes. His belly is positively rumbling by the time he slumps in the chair next to Ryan's.
Ryan looks tired, but happy, in a satisfied lazy way that makes Shane want to reach out to him and pull their intertwined hands into his lap. Now that they are together, there is no reason why he shouldn't and does just that. It only makes Ryan smile wider.
"First impressions?" Ryan asks in a tone quiet enough not to rouse his mother's ears even though she is in the adjacent room.
Shane can answer this question completely honestly, "Your parents are great. Your dad's a bit scary."
"What? He's a big teddy bear."
"A grizzly bear," Shane corrects, but it only makes Ryan's smile bigger. More seriously, Shane adds after a contemplative beat of silence between them, "I like your parents. And I really like the house."
Seemingly content with that answer, Ryan leans back in his chair and stretches his legs out under the table like an overgrown teenage boy with growing limbs and long weekend lay-ins. The adoration Shane feels just from watching him is a testament to how deep this is.
They are sitting for only just a minute before the doorbell rings and Jake, Ryan's brother arrives just in time for dinner. "Hey, what's up guys— Danny!" His eyes light up when Linda walks up to greet him while holding Daniel. Jake puts his arms out. "It's Uncle Jake's time."
Linda reluctantly hands over Dan, but probably only so she can help Steven bring all the barbeque meat indoors.
Jake sits down across from them with Dan on his knee.
Ryan leans back in his seat and casts a longing look at his son. He asks Shane, "Do you think I'll ever get my kid back?"
Jake pretends not to hear him while he's helping Dan ride his knee like a hopping horse.
Shane finds Ryan's hand under the table and intertwines their fingers. "You'll get him back before the next diaper change."
"Thanks, that's almost comforting."
"You're welcome," Shane laughs.
Steven and Linda come back inside with two large trays with a wide variety of meat. They make space for it at the center of the table. Once everything is arranged just so, Ryan's parents take their seats and declare that the buffet has opened and everyone should help themselves.
"Don't mind if I do," says Shane. He slips his hand out of Ryan's in favor of the smoked BBQ ribs that have his name on it.
For a while, nobody says anything other than could you please pass me the [insert food item], because the food is just that good. All the meat is juicy and tender on the inside but smokey and crisp on the outside. Linda has done an exceptional job on the other sides, all tasting fresh and each undoubtedly homemade. Shane keeps having to stop himself from overloading his plate, his goal is to try everything at least once.
He looks over at Ryan and sees he's got a similar issue, big-eyed and puffed-cheeked as he is, they'll both end up in a food coma at this rate.
"Linda," Shane is struggling to breathe after a mouthful of cornbread. He barely remembers to cover his hand before speaking, "this is sinful."
"Do you like it?"
"I love it."
Steven chimes in, "Food is the quickest way into a man's heart."
Ryan only warns Shane with a flashy grin before he tells his parents how they first met. "Shane was always flirting with me by making me food, back when we first met."
"Was I?"
"You totally were. It's so obvious now that I look back on it," Ryan points at Shane with the back of his fork while he talks to his family, "I was super pregnant and for hours, I could smell someone in the building was cooking something fucking delicious. It drove me nuts, I needed to know what it was. So I went downstairs to investigate and my nose led me to Shane's. Shane let me have his dinner. Just like that, because he thought I was smoking hot. And the rest is history."
In defence of himself and that part of him that is not a DILF chaser, Shane adds, "That was just a polite gesture to welcome my new neighbour into the building."
"But we'd only just met."
Shane rolls his eyes. "You were a hundred months pregnant, what else was I supposed to do?"
"You wanted me, just admit it," Ryan grins, knowing full well that Shane neither can nor will in front of Ryan's family.
"God you two are sickening," Jake buds in after passing Dan over to Steven because Dan kept trying to dive his fist into Jake's coleslaw. Steven has had much more practice and is able to balance Dan on his knee whilst eating with his free hand. Jake now has his full attention on Shane and Ryan. "So you two got together while Ry was pregnant?"
"No, we were just friends at first," Ryan elaborates.
Shane steals a glance at Ryan's parents. "It was all completely appropriate."
"No need to try to spare us. I've got a grandson but there is no ring around Ryan's finger," Steven says good naturedly.
"Dad."
Steven chortles. Shane lets himself join in. These guys are a hoot.
"Do you think you want kids some day, Shane?" Linda throws out there.
Shane chokingly stops laughing, but it bounces right over to Ryan, half-choking on his water. "Ehm, I don't know… I guess I would like a kid or two some day, yeah."
"Oh two," Linda raises her eyebrows, she looks at Ryan, "would you have another one, Ryan?"
"I could, in maybe like five years."
Her eyes have ping-pong over to Shane. "Can you wait five years, Shane?"
Shane has never heard Ryan say he'd consider having more children, let alone within a five-year timeframe. The idea that Ryan is making him wait is laughable. Shane doesn't think of the time he spends with Ryan and Dan as time spent waiting, as though Shane needs something more or something else.
Shane says, "Dan keeps us on our toes all by his lonesome, so I'm in no rush for any additions any time soon. We're still figuring this one out, so," Shane puts his face in his food and hopes they let him avoid whatever else he doesn't want to talk about today.
Steven nudges his wife in a not so subtle way and Linda backs off, her face set in a satisfied smile. "You can breathe now Shane." Steven reassures.
"The interrogation part is over," Linda promises.
Shane pulls at the collar of his his shirt. "Is it just me or did it suddenly get hot in here?"
"You good, big guy?" Ryan's got this goofy smile.
"I briefly imagined dealing with two kids. It wasn't pretty."
Ryan turns his attention back to his family. "I left Dan with Shane for a job interview the other day, the little guy caught some sort of bug. Puked all over Shane."
"Not just once." Shane wags a finger.
"You panic-texted me twenty-seven times."
"That's probably how many times he puked on me."
Jake cuts in, "I'm trying to eat my coleslaw."
"Sorry," Shane snorts. It's all so terribly easy, he envisions Christmases and Birthdays in this company with this same food in this house. Ryan's smiling and not constantly fussing over the baby, there are people he trusts to take him and Shane isn't on dinner duty for once. It's a nice change of pace for them.
It is until Steven holds Dan out at arm's length. "Ry, his diaper."
Ryan gets up with a sigh and takes Dan without arguing. Dan curls his fists and fingers into Ryan's basketball shirt, making these "da-da" sounds while Ryan excuses himself to go to the bathroom.
Linda, not one to waste a good opportunity, as soon as the door has shut behind Ryan, leans over to whisper conspiratorially, "Shane, have you looked at our picture wall yet?"
Liking where this is going, Shane shakes his head, "Not up close."
"You will like some of these."
She beckons him to the wall covered from one end to the next with framed photographs ranging from graduation day shots to Ryan's first steps. Dan looks a lot like him, even though Ryan was a bit shorter and chubbier as a kid. Linda proudly points out the different milestones, first birthday cake, first basketball game, first day of high school. From his seat at the table Jake urges her not to leave out the school picture of Ryan missing his two front teeth. Shane loves that one.
"Oh, Shane, look at this. You'll love this." Linda points at a picture of Ryan from not so long ago. He's rounder in the face and sickly pale. It's a snapshot of him in the hospital, wearing the dotted gown and laying in a bed, hooked up on an IV drip. It's not clear if Ryan's aware of the camera, his brow is furrowed in concentration and his eyes squeezed shut. "That was the day Daniel was born," Linda needlessly elaborates.
"Gee," they never did talk about Dan's birth, Shane was glad he got spared of the details, "He looks tired."
"26 hours of labor."
"That sounds like a lot."
"He pushed for a long time too," Linda points at the picture to emphasise the facts, "Dan was a big baby with a big head, you know."
Jake makes a sound of displeasure. "Still trying to eat here."
Then Ryan walks back into the room with Dan on one arm, garbling happily in his dad's embrace. Ryan pauses midstep when he sees the particular picture Linda is pointing at and groans, "Seriously, mom?"