Aximili's Forest Theater 2000

Movie night the the Scoop. The occasion? Ax's first Disney movie. All the Animorphs need to do is decide on which movie to watch. The stakes could not be lower.
There were no survivors.

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Don't go away. Our special presentation of 'Heat' will be right back. Stay up with TNT for more of the good stuff!

<Marco… I have several dozen questions.>

"I knew you would."

Movie nights at the Scoop almost invariably devolved into this. Ax would do a good job waiting for the commercial break, but after that, class was in session. Ax might be sad to miss 'These Messages', but once he got going, we might as well scratch the rest of the movie. But it was all a welcome distraction. And it was a nice night for it.

"First off, I wouldn't say 'enamored.' He's just a good actor."

<It's Al Pacino, Ax> Tobias said, perched in his designated TV-watching branch.

<Oh, you know, the dark-haired Italian. That narrows it down, right?> I swear Tobias has somehow figured out how to smirk through a beak.

"Pacino is playing Detective Hannah, Ax. The good guy."

"No, that was Hank Azaria. He voices Moe on the Simpsons."

"The one doing the interrogating, that's Al Pacino."

Ax looked puzzled. He made a gesture with both of his arms as if he were tracing the shape of a beach ball in mid-air. <The one who conjectured that an unseen woman must possess a…>—at this point, he made his main eyes bulge rather unnervingly—<...GREAT ASS?!>

Tobias tucked his beak under his wing and convulsed. For a second I thought he might fall off of his branch.

"Yes Ax."

"He's an anti-hero, Ax, a flawed man who does mostly the right thing, fighting a villain who maintains his own moral code. It's very Shakespearean."

"Uhh… Star Trek didn't work out so well with him last time."

Now it was my turn to fall over laughing. "Tobias, you wanna field this one?"

<It's Val Kilmer> Tobias said begrudgingly. <Ooh, Dinosaurs!> he said, in an obvious ploy to change the subject. Ax's TV was showing a commercial for what I assumed was some Discovery Channel special.

… a story of friendship…

A family of apatosaurs (I think?) watched a meteor shower rain down.

<That's not what it looked like! There was only one comet, not a whole swarm of them!>

"And who'd know better than you, Little Boy? And your Andalite nuclear mentor, Fat Man?"

...courage…

<These "dinosaurs" are completely inaccurate> Ax observed. <Where are the feathers? And they didn't co-exist with primates!>

Tobias said.

Disney's Dinosaur! Now playing only in theaters!

"Wait, that's the new Disney movie? Seriously? Man, they should leave the CGI to Pixar, this looks like crap!"

"Wait, wait, we're glossing over something very important here. Ax, have you never seen a Disney movie?"

Ax seemed to contemplate the stars for several seconds.

<No.>

"OK, this is Cultural Literacy 101. Forget Heat , we need an emergency cartoon session! We have all of the—"

…I trailed off, feeling a pang of loss. I had been about to say "We have all of the classics on VHS." That's wrong. Had . As of the present, we "have" practically nothing. A small cabin in the Valley that is in no way up to code. A dog-hair encrusted blanket on the King's couch. And dog hair probably isn't the worst of it… turns out Chee pacifism extends to ticks and fleas as well.

This set off a complicated set of feelings because—and I am surprised at how often I need to remind myself of this—both my parents are alive. How mad can I really be about "stuff?"

Turns out, a hell of a lot.

"Um… maybe we should just stick to cable tonight."

<I'm pretty sure Cassie has a nice collection. It's a two minute flight.> Rather than egging me on, this time I think Tobias was genuinely trying to help. Not that I was about to ask him. Sympathy from a bird was not what I needed. <You up for some extra company Ax? I'll bet we could snag some popcorn too.>

<Alright, it's a date! Sit tight guys.>

Ten minutes later, Cassie slid down into the Scoop, with Jake and Rachel in tow. Cassie was carrying a rucksack, laden with VHS tapes.

"What a fun idea!" Cassie said, dumping the tapes onto the soft pad that served as Ax's 'bed.'

"Who's up for popcorn?" Rachel asked, helping herself to Ax's microwave.

Ax stuck one arm in the air, already halfway into human morph.

<Same>, said Tobias. Tobias had eschewed his usual branch, opting to land on the rim of the scoop. He was morphing to human as well. Tobias's "date night"declaration was turning out to be more on the nose than I'd anticipated." Great, Ax was going to add to his list of human experiences the concept of being a third wheel. I wasn't thrilled about guiding him, but… I do have experience.

"I'm in," said Jake. "Not that I'll be able to taste anything."

"Tobias has great timing," Cassie said. "Dinner was just about done. Five minutes later and Jake would have been gone."

"Ax," Jake said, "I'll never forgive you: I have to eat that habanero chili every time I go to Cassie's now. And it burns worse the second time, if you know what I mean."

"I do not," Ax said. Jake ignored it.

"You can't even morph out of it, which I thought was impossible! And by the way, not that anyone is gonna ask, but the cover story is we're watching movies at our friend Erek's."

"Why Erek's?" Tobias asked.

"Cassie's mom asked where we were going, and we couldn't say my house, or Rachel's—too likely that one of our parents calls the other."

Cassie nodded. "I almost said 'Marco's.' It used to be the perfect cover..."

That made my blood run cold. Officially, I am dead. There was a funeral and everything (that was fun!). My friends had to publicly mourn me… get counseled, be sad, all that. And they can't let it drop that I am, for the moment at least, very much alive. And Cassie almost wrecked it all for a movie night.

"Yeah, Erek was a good idea," I said. Understatement of the year.

Rachel handed out the first bag of microwave popcorn. Ax grabbed it like he was intercepting an NBA pass. "Be careful Ax, I think it's a little burned…"

She might as well have been apologizing to a dog for serving Purina again… the bag was already half empty. Some disconcerting crunching told me Ax didn't care if the kernels were burnt, or indeed, popped.

"I have pretty much the last ten years worth of movies here," Cassie explained. "Let's get down to business."

"Those are VHS cassettes—sets… ets?" Ax exclaimed, reaching for another fistfull of popcorn. "I remember those from your home! I thought they were books. Booooks-suh."

"Disney thinks they're so special," I said. "They sell everything in those thick plastic clamshells that are taller than standard VHS cases so you have to put them on their own dedicated shelf. Jerks. OK, so which one are we doing?"

"I think it's obvious," Jake said. "The Lion King."

"The Lion King ," I said. I grabbed the case from near the top of the pile and thrust it over my head with both hands. "Heeeee … has chooooseeeeen!" I sang in a poor imitation of the iconic opening melody, before shifting to my best Roger Ebert impression. "A classic tale about a boy with great responsibility thrust upon him at a young age. Heartbreaking betrayal by a family member he trusted. A legion of enemies."

Jake joined in: "And his only allies are two food-obsessed idiots... and a bird."

"Yes, I see why it speaks to you. But tell me, Gene, what do you make of the part where he falls in love... with his cousin?"

For a moment all I heard were crickets, and the gentle hmmmmPOPPOPmmmmPOPmmm of Orville Redenbacher in the microwave.

"What the HELL are you talking about, Marco?!"

"Only the dominant male in a pride has mating privileges. Therefore, all the cubs are related. Simba and Nala are cousins." Jake went cross-eyed.

"Hey," said Tobias, in a near whisper. "You know that scene when Simba flops down into the dirt and kicks up a dust cloud? The cloud actually forms some letters. You know what it says?"

"Yes I do!" I answered. We exchanged a quick high five.

"Marco," Cassie said, in her patented 'you're an idiot and I'm going to explain exactly why' voice, "that would make them half-siblings, not cousins. Which… is worse. Yeah… much worse."

"That's… you're missing the… lions don't talk either!" Jake stammered.

Tobias raised his hand. "I hate to bring up horrible memories but, does anyone really want to watch an hour and a half of lions?"

A collective shutter spread through the group. David. All this time and he's still ruining everything.

Rachel added "Also, I usually don't care about stuff like this but I know who voices young Simba and I never need to hear that voice again, thanks."

Cassie gingerly put The Lion King back in the bag. "Other suggestions?" she asked.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," said Rachel, doling out the next bag of popcorn to Jake. "There is only one choice and it is clearly Mulan. Bad ass chick saves her family, her unit, and all of China."

"Way to give away the ending, Rachel!" Jake said.

"Something about it rubs me the wrong way," I said. "Eddie Murphy is hilarious, but the Dragon is just a pale imitation of Robin Williams as the Genie. The. Best. Disney character. Ever made, hands down, no questions, we're watching Aladdin , SO SIT DOWN!"

"Marco," Rachel said, unnervingly calm. "I will fight you."

"I'll make you a deal," Jake said. "We can watch Aladdin…" he raised a hand proactively to belay an outburst from Rachel. "IF! You commit to explain to Ax every reference that the Genie makes."

I considered this for a minute. "Cassie! What's your favorite Disney movie?"

Big mistake. Huge.

"Well…" Cassie started rummaging through the pile, as if she didn't know what she'd brought. "I guess my favorite has always been The Little Mermaid. It has the best songs. The best villain. A lot of it takes place under the sea. Buuuut… it has a terrible message, especially for little girls. I mean, giving up your voice for a man?"

"Of course, girls who grew up on The Little Mermaid are notoriously quiet and passive, especially around men." Cassie didn't seem to hear me.

"Plus it has what basically amounts to a deal with the devil. And it's a romance which Ax just wouldn't get at all. Um… maybe this one?" Cassie picked up Pocahontas, still holding The Little Mermaid in the other hand, and weighed them. "Now this is all about respect for nature and people compromising and coming to an understanding."

"Alright guys," I said, "if you'll just pivot towards this corner of the Scoop, this is what we'll likely be watching for the rest of the evening."

"Hey Cassie?" Tobias asked. "Can I see your copy of Mermaid ?"

Cassie handed it over absentmindedly, still opining to herself. "Of course everything about it is wrong, historically. It tries to make the natives look just as guilty as the white man, which is insulting."

Tobias closely examined the Mermaid cover, smirking.

I gestured at him. "Is that the one where the castles look like…"

"Yep!" Tobias said, nodding.

"What are you two talking about?" Rachel asked. Tobias held the cover out so she could see it and gestured at a particular spot and whispered something. She scoffed and looked away.

"Hey Tobias… you know that scene on the boat with the Priest?"

We both laughed.

"You guys are gross," Rachel said.

"It has a talking tree, that might help Ax feel at home… but Mel Gibson should never have been allowed to sing..."

"Ok hang on a second," Jake said. "I thought we were just trying to pick the best one. If the criteria is 'the best for Ax' that changes everything."

"No it doesn't," said Rachel. "It's still Mulan. She's basically an Aristh thrown into a war. It's all about honor. He gets it. You get it, right Ax?"

"Mm-mmm-hmmm-mmh?" he said through a mouth full of popcorn.

"You're both wrong," I said. "This is about Ax's first Disney movie. First isn't always best. Like, Empire is better than A New Hope but you'd never start with Empire."

"So does that mean we have to watch The Motion Picture before The Wrath of Khan ?" Tobias asked.

"Hell no."

Jake was getting frustrated. "Alright if we start something now it should finish right around the time Cassie makes a decision… double feature anyone? Let's just put it to a vote. Mulan?"

Jake and Rachel raised their hands. Rachel reached out to raise Tobias's hand for him. Everyone was surprised when he jerked away.

"What's your problem?" Rachel gasped.

"I've never seen it!" Tobias exclaimed. "I'm sure it's good but how can I vote for something I've never seen?"

"How have you never seen Mulan?!"

Tobias stared at her. "It was a little bit challenging for me to get a ticket that summer, Rachel. And every summer since, to be honest."

"I… I forgot OK. I'm sorry."

"You forgot? I remember that Saturday very clearly. You took Cassie, that was the day you bought those navy jeans that you love so much, and that pleated top that always looks like it's gonna fall off your shoulder but never does? You know what I was doing that afternoon? Let me set the scene for you. There was this Swainson's hawk, and I was so busy trying to keep an eye on him above me while diving on a mouse, that I didn't see the snake who had the same idea."

"Tobias…" Rachel pleaded.

"No, you're gonna hear this. So now I've got this gopher snake impaled on one talon so I can't shake him off, but he's got plenty of fight left in him. I try to flutter away and land on a sagebrush, get thorns stuck in every nook and cranny, meanwhile he's writhing all over the place like a loose garden hose. We looked just like the Mexican flag, but the Three Stooges version..."

At this point, both Jake and I were staring wide-eyed at Tobias, while Rachel awkwardly writhed like this snake Tobias was telling us about. Even Ax paused eating and stared, mouth agape. Cassie, meanwhile, was crouching down, contemplating a row of no less than four movies, with her hands tented in front of her face.

"...then I hear this rapid clicking sound and for a split second I think somehow this isn't a gopher snake, it's a rattler, or else there's a second snake that I can't see, because that would totally be my luck! But no, it's a shutter: ten yards away there's this wildlife photographer in the bushes, camouflaged like a goddamn Green Beret, getting every second of my misfortune with a telephoto lens. That snake and I are probably in a calendar somewhere! Anyway, he was delicious, but not worth what I had to go through to remove those thorns, but please, tell me more about your favorite Disney cartoon?"

For about two seconds I thought Rachel might fight back. But she suddenly leaned in and wrapped Tobias in a hug. After a moment he hugged her back.

"Why don't you pick the movie?" she asked him.

"Uh... the last one I saw was Hercules . That was the last summer I spent with my aunt before she shipped me out here. Pretty good, his dad is a god. He's got a goat-footed mentor. Flying animal companion."

"I believe you are all mispronouncing the name 'Heracles', from the mythology of your ancient Greece. Grease. More greeease. Rachel, if you would please…"

Ax took hold of Rachel's arm and, like a parent helping their small child cross the street, led her towards the microwave.

"Make your own!" Rachel shouted, shaking her arm free. She turned back to Tobias, and lowered her voice. "I'd love to watch Hercules with you," she said.

"Fern Gully!" Cassie shouted. "It's literally perfect. Respect for nature, transformation, hidden societies, Robin Williams."

"Cassie, that's not even Disney," I said.

"It's not?!"

"Oh who cares?!" Rachel said, exasperated. "It's a cartoon. They're all cartoons! Talking animals, silly songs, magic, fairies, happy ending, credits, done!"

"I care!" I said. "The whole point of this is Ax's cultural exposure. We can't very well have a Disney night to show Ax his first Disney movie by showing him a non-Disney movie, can we?"

Just to be clear, I didn't really care. Let's be realistic, there was a good chance that in two weeks, a month, six months, there wouldn't be any Disney movies. Or anything else of our culture, except in the memories of the Human-Controllers setting off on the long ride to the last front: the Andalite Homeworld. And it was thoughts like those that gave me the energy to fight about inane shit until sunrise if that's what it took. We could bicker and argue precisely because the stakes were so low.

Cassie raised her hand sheepishly. "I suppose there's no point in nominating The Secret of NIMH?"

Have you ever, in a moment of excitement, Gone Too Far? Said something that you figured out halfway through was a huge mistake, but at that point, the words were falling out of your mouth as if being pulled by a magnet?

I have.

"Cassie, when you were in that cocoon, did something happen to your brain?"

You know when you look away from an analog clock, and then look back, and somehow that next second seems to take just a little too long? That's what this pause felt like. It was the worst.

"Marco…" Jake said. Quietly. Intentionally. Terrifyingly. OK, the silence wasn't so bad, this was the worst.

"That's my bad," I said. "Mea culpa, I admit it. Sorry. Cassie, I'm sorry."

"Marco," Jake continued. "I think you should leave."

Good old Jake. Always knows how to restore my confidence, be it in the heat of battle, or the heat of a misguided determination to self-sabotage.

"Leave? And go where exactly? Home?!"

"You're not bringing that attitude into my house!" Erek said.

Erek's appearance inside the Scoop, seemingly from thin air, startled all of us. I yelled, Rachel screamed (or was it the other way around?), Jake jumped, Cassie lost her balance hovering over the tapes and fell in the dirt. Ax suffered a quadruped moment and whipped around way too quickly, overbalancing. He might have recovered but Tobias jerked his arms out as if trying to flutter away, nearly backhanding Rachel and successfully smacking Ax, who went down in a tangle of bare feet and burnt popcorn.

"Great Erek, now the whole forest knows we're here!"

"Actually, that little outburst peaked at ninety-one decibels. Meanwhile your spirited discussion hit one-oh-three all on its own. But don't worry, the closest humans are Cassie's parents, nestled all snug in their beds."

"Point taken," Jake said. "So what brings you here, anything we need to know about?"

"Oh, didn't you know? I appear if you say my name three times. And Tobias, you don't know how right you are–that wasn't just any wildlife photographer. You and your lunch were March '99 for National Geographic! We've got a whole box of them somewhere."

Tobias let out a sigh, but didn't say anything.

"Also, you're all insane," Erek continued. "The best Disney movie is obviously Oliver & Company."

"Because dogs?" Tobias asked.

"Because dogs," Erek agreed. "And the songs. The Chee you know as my father was Bette Middler's vocal coach in his previous life."

"Sure he was, Erek," I said. "You know they straight-up kill the dobermans in that movie? One of 'em even puppy-yelps and everything!"

"That is my least-favorite part," Erek admitted.

"Actually, now that I think of it, including Sikes, that movie has a body count of three, which is higher than most Disney classics."

"OK this is getting ridiculous, we've planned whole missions faster than this!" Jake grumbled. "Beauty and the Beast? Nominated for Best Picture, that's 'cultural' enough for you, right?"

"Stockholm Syndrome," said Cassie.

"Unconvincing CGI chandelier," I said.

"Eating four dozen eggs for breakfast might count as 'imitable behavior' where Ax is concerned," Tobias said.

"The Hunchback of Notre Dame?" Jake offered.

"We can watch that," I said. "If you explain to Ax what Esméralda does for a living."

"She's a gypsy…"

"Yeah and Erek is a junior high student."

"Tarzan?!"

Erek locked eyes with me.

"No," I said.

"Why not?" Jake asked.

I pointed at Erek dramatically. "Android, I invoke Azimov's Second Law! You must follow human orders provided they don't interfere with the First Law. Do not talk about Tarzan!"

"Erek, tell us everything about Tarzan!" Rachel shouted

I admit I didn't really expect it to work. But I was desperate. Erek crossed his arms, and cocked his head at me (is that where dogs get it from?). He grinned. Blinked once. Twice. The fact that we all knew this was a holographic projection, solely for our benefit, was quite annoying.

Even more annoying was the fact that Rachel had more or less the same pose.

"It was really quite sweet," Erek said. "Before Eva relocated to the Valley, my people were providing her with better-than-world-class restorative therapy, and it took quite a toll. She spent most nights unwinding with television, either light-hearted romantic comedies or animated kids' movies. Once while Peter and Ax were pulling an all-nighter on the Z-Space communicator, Marco and Eva shared some nachos while watching Disney's Tarzan and wept through the whole thing."

"'Man's best friend' my ass," was all I could say.

"Marco, that's so sweet," Cassie said.

"It was the soundtrack," I said.

"Yeah Sting has that effect on my mom, too," Rachel teased.

"It's Phil Collins you uncultured swine!" I shouted back.

"Man, can you imagine if Disney made a movie like Tarzan but with songs by Sting?" Jake wondered. "First all the families go to see it, then all the moms who took their kids go to see it again."

"It'd make Titanic look like the Andrea Doria," Tobias agreed.

"Guys, you're being super sexist!" Cassie protested.

"You'll be in my heart…" Erek sang.

I'd never heard Erek sing before. Being androids, a Chee's voice is, of course, completely synthesized. Which means, if they want to, they can sing perfectly. Erek wanted to. Now he could just as easily have sounded exactly like Phil on the best night of his life… but Erek was using his "own" voice. I was not prepared.

"Erek, stop!" I said.

"No matter what they say…"

Erek's holographic eyes were drilling into my soul. I'd already lost and he knew it. I opened my mouth and joined in a surprisingly on-key duet:

"From this day on, now and forevermore!"

Tobias gave us a slow clap.

"How many decibels was that?" Rachel asked.

"You mean beyond the Scoop?" Erek answered. "Zero. I put up an acoustic reflector just when I showed up, for your own protection. You guys are your own worst enemies. It also lets me live-modify the pitch of your speech if I need to, which was absolutely needed in Marco's case."

"Aw man," I muttered. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"Soooooo," said Jake, with a hint of strain befitting that of a jockey whose horse had collapsed under him one millimeter from the end of the race but who still clung to the belief that he could somehow drag it over the finish line, "have we settled on Tarzan?"

"If I may interject?" said Ax, stepping into the middle of the loose circle we'd formed.

"Oh God I give up," Jake said, and sat down next to Cassie.

"Erek's description reminded me of the night in question. That particular film, as I recall, was filled with similar melodies. As you know, I find all human music to be awful. Ful. Awe-full. Please clarify… do all of these films contain such music, or only this 'Tarzan'?"

Jake closed his eyes, and placed his thumb and forefinger on either side of the bridge of his nose. "No musicals," he whispered.

Cassie rummaged through her rapidly-dwindling collection. "There's The Rescuer's Down Under..."

"Oh wow, I forgot that existed," Rachel said.

"Everyone does," Cassie replied. "But it's got a huge bird of prey!"

"It's a Golden Eagle," Tobias said, practically snarling. "Absolutely not."

"Tobias," Jake said. "Nobody else but you could possibly say 'golden' with so much hatred that it makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Oh don't start Mr. Bleeding Heart, how can you be racist to a bird?"

"Say that again," I said.

"Need I remind you what raptor morph David picked—" Tobias started.

"Not you!" I said. "Jake, what did you just say?"

"That he made me uncomfortable?"

"Guys we're pretty much down to the direct-to-video sequels," Cassie said. "And believe me, you do not want to sit through some of these."

How had Jake worded it? Nobody else but you.

"I've got it!" I shouted. "I'm a genius. Guys… A Goofy Movie!"

"That… could work," Jake said, with the faintest note of hope. Excellent. With Jake on my side, it was just a question of bringing everyone else around to my point of view. Not my strongest point historically, but I've done it before.

"Yes, it has some songs, but not too many, and they're good, Ax, I promise. And it's not like an angel choir in the clouds singing at you, the characters sing them as part of the plot, whatever you call that."

"Diagetic," Erek said.

"Thank you Erek. But more importantly, Ax, it has food. It is a great food movie. Best looking pizza ever animated, I swear!"

"You have my interest," Ax said.

"Goofy is a dog, so Erek should approve, not that anyone invited him. Cassie! The camping sequence contrasts Goofy's reverence for nature vs Pete's wastefulness. Tobias! Our protagonist, Max, is shuffled from coast to coast against his will, but he takes charge of his own destiny. Also he punches out a giant anthropomorphic rodent."

"What's in it for me?" Rachel asked.

I grinned mischievously. "Rachel, you're in it!"

"I'm Roxanne?" she asked.

"Sure," I said, winking at Tobias, who knew full well I meant either Stacy or Big Foot depending on the day. That might have been a risky move, but I was banking on him still being a little pissed off from earlier.

"And Marco thinks Pauly Shore is hilarious," Tobias said, signifying his blessing.

We all looked to Cassie. Her rummaging had lost some of its luster.

"Um… I don't have that one."

"God dammit, Cassie."

"It's not my fault, this is technically my parents' collection. They're like $30 each, you know…"

"Ax," Jake asked, "What would you like to see in a movie?"

Ax put his fingers on his chin, looking totally unnatural and possibly mimicking something he'd seen from a billboard or a textbook.

"I have never considered this. There are many facets to human storytelling that I do not understand. You are often preoccupied with whether something is 'funny,' and I find your depictions of science, particularly space travel and life beyond your own Earth, very comedic indeed. However, your depictions of how your civilization might respond to so-called 'aliens' is very instructive. Conversely, something Andalites and humans largely agree on is the value of family, and shorms. Your Earth is very beautiful, especially your oceans. You largely take it for granted but I have observed some instructional programming celebrating your planet's natural beauty."

"So," Cassie pondered, "a Disney movie where an alien, or aliens, come to Earth, meet humans, learn about the value of family and friendship, celebrates nature, especially the oceans, no singing… sorry Ax, I can't help you."

The defeat fell over us like a veil.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment," Erek said, before stepping up out of the Scoop. There was a brief "wobble" sound as he passed through his invisible sonic shield.

"Yeah Chris?" we heard him say in the distance. "I've got something to run by you. Oh, but first, has anybody broken the news to Gordon yet? Yeah it's a shame…"

"I thought the Chee could talk to each other telepathically?" Tobias said. "CheeNet, right?"

"They carry on entire human lives," Jake said. "School, jobs, everything. Maybe it's a real phone call."

"Have we closed the door completely on Mulan?" Rachel asked.

…and on we went. Everything was re-nominated, objected to, and vetoed, at least twice. At one point Cassie asked about Anastasia. Jake didn't say anything but he stood up and walked to the other end of the Scoop, patting me on the shoulder as he passed.

Two and a half hours later...

whispered Ax, reverentially. <By refusing to meet the villain on his own terms and instead changing the nature of their confrontation to something unexpected, Admiral Kirk is applying against Khan the very tactics he deployed during the Kobayashi Maru!>

"Tobias called it, it is a great little movie. And look at that resolution, man, I feel like I'm in it!" I was sitting cross-legged in the dirt, munching the last of the popcorn.

Tobias had de-morphed and was up in his usual branch, probably asleep. Cassie had passed out on Ax's bed pad, sitting with her back against the curved wall of the Scoop, with a couple cassettes still in her lap. Rachel was asleep on her shoulder. I didn't envy the backaches they'd have when they woke up.

Jake was awake, but checked out, using Ax's laptop researching something about lion prides.

Ax had long since demorphed and was sitting with his rear legs and tail on the ground, so that he could more easily crane his neck up towards the movie.

Erek had extended his force field around the Scoop, exposing his natural metallic form to us, and was projecting against the inside of the dome a perfectly-preserved replica of a 35mm print of The Wrath of Khan. The sound seemed to come from everywhere. I didn't know he could do that. I'm not sure how many movies he has access to, but I'll tell you this: home media is ruined for life.

"Hey Erek," I asked, "You got any melted butter on that torso Lite Brite of yours?"

"Fresh out."

<There's some motor oil under the book case> Ax said.

"I'll pass, Ax, thanks."

"I'm glad you like it, Ax. I should warn you, coming up there's this plot point involving the Genesis Device. Even relative to what you're used to from human fiction, the science and the physics involved are garbage. Try not to get mad."

"That's all I ask."

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