Chapter Text
The click of a tape recorder is heard beneath Jon's hand.
"Statement of Tim Ledsam-"
"Gunpowder Tim. Of the starship Aurora."
"Gunpowder Tim, regarding a war against... the moon? Taken direct from subject, 10th of August, 2018. Statement begins."
"Huh?"
"What?" The Archivist asks, confused by his powers not bringing the truth up to Tim's memory by now.
"What do you want me to say, exactly?" ventured Tim.
"You said that you took part in a brutal war against the moon."
"What about it?"
"Explain what happened."
Tim shrugged, his mechanical eyes catching the light of Jon's office. "War happened. Y'know, you sound a lot like one of the other Mechanisms. Our first-mate, Jonny D'Ville. He's an asshole." Tim mentioned, not caring or paying attention to the Archivist's growing frustration.
"That's wonderful. Now, what happened with the moon? Did you enlist in this war?"
"Yeah, it all started with Queen George VII's campaign, promising it'd be good fun and all that shit, that we'd be back by Christmas. I showed my friend Bertie and we enlisted."
Jon waited for Tim to continue, though he remained quiet for an akwardly long thirty seconds.
"What happened after that?"
"The moon is obviously gone, isn't it?"
"...No? And we've never had a Queen George VII."
"The hell are you talking about? She took the throne after King Victoria IX. You look about fifty or so; you were definitely alive for Queen George's crowning. Surely you remember."
"I'm only 30! And, yes. I do, actually." Jon lied. "What year do you think it is?"
"I forget. It's been a while since I've been to Earth. Last I was here it was 2825. I think. Those gas attacks messed with my head a little bit."
Jon looked shocked at this. "2825?"
"Uh. Yeah. Why, what year is it now?"
"2018. I said so earlier." reminded Jon.
"Ah, the bifrost must've messed with things a tad bit."
"The bi-what?" Jon felt like he was messing with a being from another universe, though it was possible the man was just insane; he said everything so casually it was hard to believe he might be, especially with every other power at play currently. Anything might as well be real.
"The Bifrost Incident. Have you ever picked up a single text book?"
"Yes, and I have never heard of something called the bifrost before. Does it have anything to do with the moon war you came to talk about?"
"No, no." he sighed. "I forget how unadvanced earthlings can be." Tim muttered.
Jon realized he might be some sort of Avatar. He didn't seem like any of the ones he knew about, though. Is he from space? Do these things extend to other planets?
"Anyways, what happened after you enlisted with your friend?" He asked, hoping to get this statement done with sooner.
"We were sent off to the moon. The terrible Moon Kaiser had made a colony of it and we had to prevent him from getting to Earth and destroying London. The moon's terrain was rocky and harsh; most of the fighting was done in the long tunnels beneath its surface. Long, hellish months passed, one after another. Almost daily the Queen's army was met with gas attacks and microwave attacks in numbers too numerous to count. I wasn't as bothered by the soldiers around me dying as I was by seeing their insides boil up and explode out their skin. Fun, right? I can sing a few songs for you about it, actually!"
Tim jumped out of his chair onto the table and pulled a guitar out of nowhere and began to play. "We'll murder all the lunar men with fury heaven-sent and carpet-"
"No, no, no!!! No singing! Where did you get that guitar?" Jon shouted over him.
"Fine. Be like that." Tim sat back down in his chair, arms crossed.
"Look, no singing. Just keep telling me more about the war. You were doing great before." Jon sighed in frustration. First his powers aren't working, then this guy is annoying as hell. Jon thought of Elias laughing in his office as he watched this.
"I was?" Tim asked, seeming surprised about half a compliment from him.
"Yes. You were. Keep going."
"Alright, then. Okay, people's insides boiled, and erm, yeah. That was what the microwave attacks did. Our infantry would use lead blankets to survive them, oftentimes sharing one between four people. When people died from them, though, we'd eat them so the corpse didn't go to waste." He said casually.
"That... is really messed up."
"Well yeah. It's hard to get supplies to the moon especially when your enemy has advantage there and can destroy the ships before they can get there. Besides, they were already cooked. They didn't even taste that bad."
Tim waited to see if Jon would respond, but he said nothing so he continued.
"Anyways, then there was the gas attacks. Those choked us out, made us sick. You'd think of something similar to mustard gas. We'd have respirators to use, but those often broke and we had to rely on the pumps."
"Oxygen pumps?"
"Yeah, something like that. Y'know, I saw one or two soldiers cough up an entire lung from the gas. They both died, but it was interesting to see. The war was alright for a while. Oh, right. The Toy Soldier was also in the war. Have you met it yet? We found out that it follows any order to a tee during that, well, Jonny D'Ville did since I wasn't a Mechanism yet, but still. He was in that war as well, for fun. I fought beside the Toy Soldier occasionally. Sometimes it would dissapear for months before we saw it again on the enemy's side. Somebody would capture it and it would advance in rank on whatever side it was on at the time. You'd see it giving the corporal orders, or it would end up in the Kaiser's personal guard.
"I didn't even know Jonny was fighting beside me until Bertie died. He had fallen from tripping over an indent in the ground and got stampeded on as the infantry marched forward. Jonny found it hilarious as he hung behind the other soldiers and saw me losing my shit. Asked me if I was alright and I shot him. He's immortal so obviously he was fine, however unfortunate that is. He laughed some more when I continued trying to kill him. Then we became friends. As much as I despise D'Ville, I will say that he is great at killing people. He'd plow down an entire infantry of the lunar men in moments. Being immortal does help with the confidence.
"Supposedly, I became a lot more violent after Bertie died. I don't remember the change. Jonny and I became feared by the other side, soon enough. One day, when we were faced with heavy onslaught, I lost sight of him. I couldn't find him. Thought he might be dead, but I never found his body, and he's immortal, too. Might've been taken prisoner then. I didn't find out for weeks, until a Lenny - that's what we call the Kaiser's men - finally shot me. Next I knew, I was in the Kaiser's throne room, kneeling and unarmed. That tall glowing bitch smiled at me, said, 'it's a pleasure to meet you. Heard you've made a habit of hacking up my boys, so I'll return the favor with an extended execution, and I'll warn you that the last execution left me dissapointed.'
"The Kaiser pulled out a box as he said this, opening it to reveal Jonny's severed head. I let out a strangled cry as a few soldiers held me back. I thought it was over, until I saw the head wink at me - he wasn't dead after all! I prayed that I hadn't imagined it, looking around to see the Toy Soldier in the uniform of the Kaiser's personal guard. Behind the throne, the Kaiser's laser was pointed directly at London. I knew what to do then, so I caught the Toy Soldier's attention. It smiled at me, and yelled for it to fight. Blood began to spill everywhere in the throne room. As I ran to the lazer, I saw Jonny's head spin around and bite the Kaiser's nose, then falling to the ground and going after his feet, the little freak.
"I made it to the lazer, moving it away from London so it faced the rest of the moon. With gunpowder I obtained from the armory at the ready, I managed to light the canon without any of the firing codes and darted to the Kaiser's lifepod. The lifepod was designed to protect the ruler against the force of like, a dozen suns, so I would survive in there. Sadly, I wasn't able to get the visor down in time, so the explosion and shattering of the entire moon's white surface blinded me.
"And like that, Archivist, the moon was gone." Tim finished. Jon looked astonished. Moon wars, evil circuses, Avatars, what's next? Alien space pirates? Jon shook his head; he shouldn't jinx it.
"That's quite the tale. You said this happens about 800 years from now?"
Tim shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno."
"Is that all, then?"
"Er, no. There is a little bit more. After the moon was gone, Jonny and the Toy Soldier dragged me to the startship, asked Dr. Carmilla if they could keep me. She mechanized my eyes and made me immortal like the rest of them. They'll probably stop by as well, since we're in town. Just a warning."
"How- how many of you are there?" Jon worried.
"Nine." Tim said simply.
"Great. You wouldn't be able to tell them to not come within ten kilometers of here, would you?" The Archivist requested.
"No. We kinda do what we want. Can I go now?"
Before Jon could answer, Tim - the other Tim, the one that works at the Institute - entered. "Hey, Jon- oh sorry. You're busy. Cool freaky eyes, dude." Tim said to Tim.
"No, it's fine, Tim. What do you need?" Jon replied.
"I don't need anything." Gunpowder Tim stated.
"He wasn't talking to you."
"Yes he was. He literally said my name."
"I swear- Jon, is this guy also named Tim?"
"Yes." Jon sighed. "Tim Ledsam, you-"
"It's Gunpowder Tim."
"Whatever. You can go. Thank you for your statement."
Gunpowder Tim stood and made his way out of the archives, nudging Tim in an unfriendly manner as he went.
Tim Stoker approached Jon. "What was that guy's deal?"
"I don't know. Fought a war against the moon and blew it up. Apparently he's immortal and his friends are coming soon."
"Wonderful. Another great day at the Magnus Institute." Tim said sarcastically.
"It sure is."