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Although Hometown was always quiet, the quiet that embraced Susie now was almost suffocating. If someone dropped a button halfway across town, it would ring all the way down to the other side of it.
The rain had stopped sometime ago. After escaping a rather unfavorable situation at Kris’, she decided to sit on the steps of QC’s. Droplets raced down her face as she placed herself onto the concrete step. Susie stared out into the trees where she could hardly see the lights peaking out from the next street over.
A Titan was defeated, which she knew was no small task. Despite this, a low feeling homed itself within the depths of her stomach; a spark of intuition she had only felt a few times before. The battle was difficult, and yet they won. But what could this mean for their futures? She didn’t feel good about whatever was coming next.
Well, she knew their futures. It was all set into the glasses of the Sanctuary, and there was no running from fate. There was no plan she could concoct to try and get out of this one. They were heroes who were meant to meet a terrible end. How can you change the story when it’s already written for you?
Still, there has to be a way.
There are times where Susie felt as if she were on top of the world. With Kris and Ralsei beside her, there was nothing that could stand in their way. And there are other times, like now, where she believes that this world is too big for them, feeling as if it’ll swallow them whole before they’ve even made their marks.
Susie gets up, walking along the slick roads which reflect the light and darkness.
The only thing that accompanied her on her walk was the sound of her own footsteps. The moon hung high over her, barely giving way for light to guide her. She wondered why there were barely any stars in the sky, looking up as she took it all in.
Susie traverses through the puddles to make her way to a familiar bench.
The golden trees lose their hue without the sun, looking green as spring as water slides off of the leaves. Susie hears branches rustling from behind her, causing her to whip her head back as she scans the area. Her eyes go into a squint as she thinks she can see something, but once she blinks, the figure is gone. The resounding quietness comes back, leaving Susie to think it was nothing more than a forest animal.
While walking by the church, a certain chill courses down her back, running down her spine and forcing a shiver. Rough skin forms goosebumps, and Susie clenches her jaw, forcing all of her teeth to touch. Knowing what exists in there, knowing Lightners are absolutely clueless to the fate of the world, and knowing what is coming for them creates a pressure that rests on her chest.
It’s enough for her to speed up her walking, passing the church as quickly as she can without running. Susie can make out the shape of the cemetery gates, the moon sitting right between the wings of the tall emblem.
Approaching the bench, Susie sees golden hair through the bars of the gate. Susie stops: a pair of antlers bob up, causing curious eyes to look over the gate. The darkness obstructs her face, but Susie knows those eyes and those antlers anywhere.
“Noelle, um… Hey.” Susie approaches her quickly, raising a friendly hand to wave.
“Susie! Oh- um- Hi! Weird seeing you here… I mean, no! It's not weird at all! Um, really, I’m the weird one! Weird, be-because it seems like my favorite thing to do is… sit in cemeteries… at… night… But, if that’s YOUR favorite thing then it’s really totally cool. Super awesome.”
Noelle lets out a deep exhale, pursing her lips as a last ditch effort to conceal her awkwardness.
“Do you want to sit?” She chokes out, a voice crack occurring in the process.
“Sure.”
She steps closer to the bench and parks herself besides Noelle. Susie can feel her heart hammering against her chest, almost like the damn thing was trying to leap out of her body and present itself proudly to the girl.
“Well, hanging out at a cemetery at night isn’t exactly what I’d call fun, but it can be nice.” Susie looks around, before a suspicious feeling creeps over her.
“Noelle, how’d you sneak out here?”
She looks at Susie through playful eyes, a crack of a smile lingering in her expression. Obviously, the secret was lingering on her lips, and while she’d like to be coy and hold it close to her heart, she couldn’t say no to Susie.
“When my sister and I were younger, we made a path through the trees. That way, we'd be able to leave without having to go through the gates. The path is narrow but I could navigate blindfolded.”
Susie leans back, looking behind her as she hangs an arm over the back of the bench. Noelle keeps her gaze low, focusing on a short blade of grass. She remembers it as if it were yesterday.
“Your sister… she’s been gone a long time, hasn’t she?”
Noelle nods her head, still staring at the one, tiny blade of grass. It looks almost black due to the night.
“Yes. A few years now.”
Her response is short, but her face shows she isn’t done speaking. Still, Susie knows she can’t force it out of her. A pang of guilt courses through her veins. On top of all the events of the day, Susie can still hear Carol's voice, her venomous tone lingering in her mind.
“Noelle, look, I’m really sorry about the thing with the guitar. I- I would never try to get you in trouble on purpose, even though I know you probably think I did. If you can believe it, I don’t like getting people in trouble… I really don’t like seeing you hurt.”
“Don’t worry about it, Susie.” Her response is fast, as if she’s been told something like this before. “My mom is just strict. She’s really strict about everything, but when it comes to Dess, she somehow figures how to become ungodly stern.
“Honestly, I don’t think I’ve even been in there since she went missing. Mom said everything had to stay how it was… because… Dess hated it when her things were moved around. She wants her to come back and feel like nothing’s changed.”
Somehow, Noelle manages to keep her composure. Her voice is even and true, any sort of anxieties or fears she could sense from Noelle had melted away. Susie could see Noelle better than she ever had before. She was speaking from the heart. This was all she could’ve wanted from her.
“I’m sorry, Noelle.”
The heaviness of their situations settles within the atmosphere. If this were happening a few days earlier, Susie would slump her shoulders to carry the weight, she would probably not even attempt to comfort Noelle. But now her world looks different, and she is different.
“Don’t apologize. It’s not like you know where she is. None of us do. They say after you’re missing for a certain amount of time, it means you’re dead. For some reason though, I just don’t believe that. Deep within my heart, I can still feel her here somewhere. She’s not gone for good, I know it. Honestly? I just think she’s lost her way. No matter what the adventure was, Dess never turned it down. She might have her hands tied up in something more complicated than we can understand, but she is not dead.”
Like she was taken out of a trance, Noelle looks to Susie fearfully. She sighs and covers her mouth, hanging her head low once again.
“I said too much… I’m sorry Susie. I know nobody likes to be talked at…”
“No, no. It’s not like that at all. You’re just… letting it all out. There’s nothing wrong with getting it off your chest. It’s not like Berdly could be of any help here.”
Noelle giggles at her comment and gives Susie a smile afterwards.
“Your sister sounds awesome.” Susie starts. “I mean… I want to know about the alligators in bikinis music video…”
“What?” Noelle stares at her with furrowed brows while Susie widens her eyes.
“What?” She parrots back, averting her gaze side to side as if someone were coming to rescue her.
Susie scratches the back of her neck out of embarrassment while the other analyzes her face.
Under her gaze, she feels herself growing warmer and warmer as her instincts tell her to shy away from Noelle. Despite this, she can’t hide her face, even if she wanted to. Noelle's eyes contained no judgement or disgust; instead, her eyes gleamed with curiosity.
Susie wanted Noelle to see her. She so desperately wanted to be seen and heard and acknowledged by her. She’s never craved this kind of attention before, and still, it all feels so natural with Noelle. For the first time in her life, Susie was confident that she wouldn’t screw this up by being herself; instead, she was bringing the reindeer in more by being authentically Susie.
“Susie… I feel like I don’t know that much about you. I don’t know much about you, or your family, or how you and Kris became so close so fast… you’re a complete mystery to me sometimes…” Her expression is soft, just the same as her voice.
Susie wants to tell her that she knows her better than she thinks. She wants to tell her that her dreams were real, and they really rode the ferris wheel. Susie wants to tell her that there’s this weird feeling she gets in her stomach when Noelle’s around, and that she can’t stop thinking about their conversations in the Dark World. She wants to tell her about her entire life. Instead of saying any of these things, she simply opts to say,
“What do you want to know?”
“Well… um… I guess- I guess I want to know what you think… of… Kris…”
Susie quirks an eyebrow and throws up a hand, questioning her question. Still, she answers.
“What I think of Kris? Mmmm. They are one weird kid, that’s for sure. But yeah, Kris is cool. I like Kris.”
“So, you like Kris?” Noelle's voice applies pressure as she beckons on. “You really do like Kris?”
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I like them?”
The answer seemed to awaken something in Noelle, her demeanor changing completely as some kind of realization dawned on her. Her collected expression switches to one of discomfort.
“I-I-I guess that’s true. They can, um, beat you in a staring contest, and probably a no talking contest too… Why wouldn’t you like Kris?”
The sudden shift in mood almost gives Susie whiplash. The dots connect, and Susie's calm expression switches to one of horror.
“Noelle… do you think I like Kris, or that I like Kris?”
“You said you liked them, so-”
“Noelle. Be serious.” She deadpans. “You genuinely think I have some kind of crush on Kris?”
“Okay! I didn’t say THAT! I just asked how you felt about them because you’ve been spending an awful lot of time together and being really close I just wanted to know if you liked them because if you did of course I would support you and that would be awesome and you and Kris would be happy forever and ever and I would be the first person to cheer you on as you told everyone else!”
The word soup sits between them, both staring at each other while they wait for someone else to break the silence. Noelle wishes she could melt into a puddle.
“I like Kris a normal amount. A normal, and very friendly amount. No funny business there. Just… friendship.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Good?”
“Nonononononono, not that kind of good! Good as in-”
“Noelle.”
The smell of rain and dirt is held by the humid air. Susie breathes it in deep, breathing in courage as she continues to speak.
“You don’t have to explain yourself. You really don’t ever have to explain yourself to me.” She places a hand on Noelle's knee, hoping the physical contact would help her feel what she couldn’t say. “I might not always get it, but I think I get you most of the time.”
She looks at Susie and nods slowly. She places her own hand over Susie's. Susie notes that her hand was smaller than her own, with Noelle's fingers barely reaching the tops of her nails. She melts inside.
“I think I get you too.”
Susie's cheeks flush with a hotness she’s only experienced one other time before (which happened to be earlier that day). She couldn’t find any words to say, feeling like everything she could say was getting caught in her throat. She squeezes her knee, and Noelle, for the first time that night, smiles wide with her teeth.
“I like being here with you, Susie.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
She keeps a hold on her knee, while Noelle begins to softly stroke the back of her hand with her thumb. Her gentle motions tranquilize Suzie, making her sleepy. Like all the events of the day finally caught up with her, she lets out a sigh of exhaustion.
“The festival’s happening later today. Are you excited?”
Susie brings her lips into a thin line, considering an answer. She mostly felt indifferent about things like festivals, but now her life has changed. She was going with people who like her for her, people who want to be with Susie because they value her.
“I guess. I’ve never really been to one, or anything like it. It’s not like my towns never had any. My family just kinda… never went.” Looking out into the trees, she sees her childhood playing out like a movie. Lots of silence, that would only be broken by the occasional screaming match. No TV, no toys, no warmth.
“Did your family do a lot of stuff together?”
“Nah. We were never really the doing stuff type. I mean, we don’t even eat dinner together or go on walks or anything. We just… exist together, I guess.”
“Mmm.” Noelle hums. “My family is that way now, but it wasn’t like that before.”
“Yeah. I think it was better before my dad was gone, but I was too young to remember.”
Noelle turns to Susie, the information dampens her expression.
“Your dad is gone?”
Honestly, it wasn’t something she had thought about in a long time. The empty feeling within her being grows deeper, a sort of empty that could only be filled by someone who could guide her. Who could advise Susie on life, who would teach her to change a tire, who would beat up bad guys for her instead of her having to do it herself.
Susie turns her head to look at the headstones besides them. While most found them eerie, the headstones in Hometown were remembered fondly. Nobody ever came here to weep. Maybe Susie was the first to do it in a long time.
Only a few feet away from her was the headstone of Gerson Boom. For just a moment, she entertains the thought of a life where the Old Man was guiding her instead. If this were her fate, would she be sitting with Noelle now?
“Yup. I really don’t know if he’s dead, or living with another family way better than us. My mom doesn’t keep any pictures of him around the house. I don’t even bring him up, because she’ll completely flip.
“His voice, his eyes, his smile, even what he smells like… I don’t remember a damn thing about him. I only remember what shoes he wore because I was always looking down.”
Noelle lays her palm flat over the back of Susie's hand, lacing her fingers between the others and clasps, she grips her hand tightly. Susie follows in her lead, closing her own fist over the others. Whatever Noelle was trying to tell Susie through holding her hand was ringing loud and true. She feels compelled to continue.
“I have one thing he left. I don’t know if it was on purpose or whatever, but a few years after he had been gone, we were moving again and I was unpacking a box. I never really had much, so I usually know everything I pack up. But that move, I found a small charm of a clam with his name engraved on the back. I’ve never seen it before, and my mom never asked me for anything like it.” She pauses, seeing his brown shoes in her mind's eye. She can see his brown ones next to her own yellow shoes, which looked almost dollike compared to his huge feet. It was the last time Susie felt small.
“So? I kept it. I hate him and think he’s a piece of shit for leaving, or dying, whatever he did. I hate him so much, and yet, I carry around this little charm every single day.”
Her tangent leaves her breathless. It occurs to Susie that this was not something she had ever shared before, although nervewracking, she knows Noelle hears her. Noelle listens with an open heart as she allows Susie to place some of her own burdens onto her. It’s what they owe to each other.
“But I don’t need him. Never have, never will.”
Time moves none as they envelop each other in their pasts. Susie looks to Noelle, who has been looking straight at her the whole time. Even though there was no light other than the moonlight, they were seeing each other wholly and truly.
She’s had no time to dwell on what’s been going on in her life these past few days, but then she doesn’t think she’s had time to dwell on anything going on in her life. Maybe remembering wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe letting Noelle in wasn't a bad thing.
“You’re really brave. Really brave, and really strong too. Losing someone is one of the hardest things you can go through.. And we’re still here. They vanish, and you just have to go through life as if you’re not missing this huge part of yourself. The world keeps turning even if you’re still right where they left you.
“I don’t know if you’re waiting for your dad like I’m waiting for Dess… But, I think we can support each other, right?” Noelle cocks her head on the last word, waiting for Susie to agree. She knows even if she doesn’t say it, Susie is on her side.
“Right.”
The silence comes to blanket over them once again, but instead of suffocating them, it provides solace to the girls. It brings peace and tranquility as they smile at one another, squeezing their intertwined hands as if to say “I got you.”
“It’s getting late, isn’t it?” Noelle questions as she looks up to the moon, inching closer and closer to the west to make its grand exit. Soon, the sky will become painted with orange and pink hues, signifying the new day.
“Yeah. Man… I’m beat.” Susie leans her head back over the bench as she wishes she could fall asleep right there. “We should probably get going, huh?”
“Um… Yeah.”
Despite their agreement, neither one of them let go. Their hands are locked in one another's, and letting go would mean this moment would end. Standing up and walking out of the cemetery would mean this experience will become a memory and they will have to part ways. For one reason or another, this suddenly became the world's most difficult task.
Seeing themselves at an impasse, Susie takes the initiative to let go first. However, Noelle doesn’t. She holds on for just a second longer before untangling herself from Susie’s hand. They are both flushed red, warm cheeks and full hearts.
Noelle stands up, dusting off her skirt as Susie gets up and stretches. She feels all of her muscles cry for something comfortable to rest on, like Kris’ couch.
“I’ll walk you home, Noelle.”
“Fahahaha! You really don’t have to, I can protect myself!”
“Of course you can. I just want to walk you home.”
“Oh. Yeah. Um… That- that would be r-really nice, I-I think.” Noelle bites her bottom lip to contain her joy. Susie can still tell exactly how she’s feeling.
They begin walking out of the yard, Susie sparing one last glance to Gerson's headstone as they walk by. She sees the hammer in her mind, sitting on the table as the Old Man laughs boisterously.
Past the gates, they approach the church, both of them trying not to walk too fast.
“I think we’re going to have a lot of fun at the festival. Well, not that I really know what makes them super fun, but you seem like you have the right idea.” Susie shoves her hands in her pocket, fidgeting with the clam charm as she talks.
“Yeah! There’s a lot of cool stuff to do at festivals. You know, good music, fun games to win plushies, good food, fun rides… yeah. We’ll have a ton of fun.”
“Will your mom be there?”
Noelle sighs, making an expression Susie can only describe as a near grimace.
“I’m not sure… I mean, she honestly probably will after the scene you caused today. She really doesn’t want me around you…”
“Yeah, I could tell she hates my guts.” Despite the sad sentiment, Susie can’t help but laugh. “She should get in line! I got a ton more people who wanna kick my butt more than her.”
“Well, maybe she wouldn't kick your butt! Fahaha!”
Susie wonders how Noelle could come from someone so… cold. How could someone as giving and kind as Noelle be the product of someone so harsh. It makes her wonder what Rudy got himself into this for…
Walking alongside Noelle, Susie feels complete. For the first time in her life, she knows she is exactly where she’s meant to be.
“I guess that means we’ll have to ride the ferris wheel all night to hide from her.” Susie suggests it playfully, knowing she would be 100% down if Noelle said yes.
“And what is Kris going to do?”
“Hm. I dunno. Hang out with Berdly or something.” She laughs loudly while Noelle faces her with an expression that says "really?"
“Don’t worry, they’ll just tag along with us or go with Toriel or something. Maybe they can even help us distract your mom!”
“You know… that’s really not a bad idea… My mom's always liked Kris. I don’t know what it is recently, but she’s been asking when I’ll start hanging out with them again. She even told me she would call Toriel to make sure I would go with them to the festival instead of you… I hope she didn’t do that.” With a low expression once again, Susie feels her heart take a hit.
“Noelle, don’t worry. I’ll make sure nothing happens.”
Her promise seems to reach Noelle softly, causing her to look at Susie with a kind of longing that’s never been shot her way. She can’t help but look back in the same way.
They approach the gate to the Holiday home, the long, black iron stands over them menacingly. Susie doesn’t want Noelle to go home, but she knows she could never bring her back to her own home.
“Well, this is me.” Noelle speaks comedically while she points a thumb to her house.
“Um… Susie… Thank you. For everything. For standing up to my mom, for sitting with me here… For never beating me up… I… I think you’re really cool.”
Susie chuckles, not to laugh at Noelle, but to laugh at her sweetness. How can someone like this even be real? How can Susie even deserve someone like Noelle when all she’s done in life is terrorize others?
She doesn’t know, and she can’t care.
“Yeah. Don’t mention it… I can always come to… Rescue you, and stuff.” She speaks while flitting her eyes from side to side, not being able to look Noelle in the eyes because she thinks she might spill her guts if she does now.
“Well… I’ll see you tonight, right? We’ll find some way to find each other and escape my mom, okay?”
“Okay.”
Noelle brings up a hand and offers Susie a shy wave, signaling she would be gone now. Susie mirrors her, waving in that same small, shy way.
Noelle turns around, her tail going back and forth as she disappears into the thick forest. Susie can hear her stepping on leaves and branches, until that silence washes over her again.
Although she was alone again, it doesn’t feel that way.
Susie walks home, holding her charm with a small smile on her face.