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Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 1

Something had changed, and Rei Ayanami was bothered by it. It wasn’t any one thing, but a collection of little things, strange instances and… feelings that she couldn’t place into context. Ikari was acting differently, but it was not for the worse. His silent nervousness was, little by little, tending more towards calm contemplation, which she understood and appreciated. Pilot Soryu had recently undergone a subtle shift in behavior, as well. Her normally caustic words had lost some of their bite. Whatever inner agitation normally drove her seemed to have been soothed, but by what Rei could not say.

Such as during their latest synch test. Once they had put on their plug suits, Asuka said, “Ready for this, Wondergirl?” And winked at her.

It was deeply disconcerting.

Asuka made a similar jibe at Shinji, who just calmly smiled. He responded, “Yeah, well, we’ll see, won’t we?”

Auska grinned and pretended to physically threaten him, though there was none of her typical malice in the gesture. He flinched, but didn’t cringe. They laughed. She nudged him with her shoulder.

Pilot Soryu hadn’t, to Rei’s knowledge, displayed such mannerisms with anyone before.

After the test had been completed, Rei went to the lockers to disrobe and wash the LCL residue off. She heard frantic whispers when she entered, coming from the next stall.

“Pilot Soryu,” she said, “are you–?”

“I-I’m fine, Ayanami! Just fine! Just… thinking about tomorrow’s kanji test. That’s all.”

Rei wasn’t familiar with any memorization technique that involved whispering. She turned on her shower, as did Asuka. There were more whispers, and Asuka let out a high-pitched… squeak? A yelp?

Rei turned off her water. “Pilot Soryu, are you in distress?”

“What? No! J-Jeez, Wondergirl, can’t I shower in peace? Just… go on, already! I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

That was strange. Soryu had never addressed her with such pleasantries. Typically, if they interacted at all after a synch test, Soryu’s verbal remarks to Rei were commands that she cease her biological functions, consume fecal matter, or perform sexual intercourse with herself.

Rei lay awake that night, considering whether or not she should report this strange behavior to Dr. Akagi in case there was something amiss with Soryu’s or Ikari’s health, but then decided against it. She wasn’t terribly well experienced in social interactions, and this very well just could be part of the strange courtship that had been going on between her two fellow pilots since Soryu’s arrival. Rei had often overheard their shared classmates lament that Soryu and Ikari should “just get it over with.” Whatever “it” was.

The next day, both of her fellow pilots arrived at school with strange, distracted expressions on their faces. Something preoccupied the pair, but it didn’t seem to be causing them any distress–quite the opposite. They then spent the bulk of the day sneaking glances at one another and blushing. They furiously exchanged messages with each other over their school provided laptops. Then, when lunchtime came, they both disappeared.

Rei was considering her observations when one of her classmates spilled their lunch all over the classroom floor.

“Look at this mess!” Class Representative Hikari was incensed. “Chikago, how could you be so irresponsible?”

While the inept classmate apologized, Hikari looked around the room, and her eyes settled on Rei.

“Ayanami, since you’re finished with your lunch, would you please go to the janitorial closet and get the mop and bucket for Chikago?”

Rei nodded and wordlessly left the room. Hikari handed her the key to the supplies closet on her way out. It didn't seem that she required it, however, because she found the closet unlocked.

When she opened the door, she found Soryu and Ikari entangled with one another, their faces enmeshed to such a degree that she doubted either of them could breathe properly. Her presence was noticed, and they both jumped and made the same sort of yelp she’d heard last night.

“W-Wondergirl! What are you–?”

“Uh, A-Ayanami, it’s not… um…”

Both of her faces were extremely flushed.

Ikari asked, “Would you believe that I lost a contact?”

“You don’t wear contacts,” she replied. “And even if you did, I doubt Pilot Soryu would have somehow swallowed it.”

Asuka looked at Shinji with her more typical expression of extreme annoyance.

“Look, Wondergirl!” The red-head pointed a finger at her. “You didn’t see anything, understand? You tell anyone about this and you’re dead!”

“I have no wish to relate this experience to anyone,” Rei said. “I only came here to retrieve the mop and broom for Class Rep Hikari. Chikago spilled her lunch, again.”

“Seriously? That’s the third time this month. What is up with that girl?” Shinji grabbed the items and handed them to her.

Rei bowed her head in thanks, and closed the door, leaving her fellow pilots inside. She returned to the classroom, handed the mop and broom to Chikago, and then approached Kensuke. He sat at his desk, spending his lunchtime reading a book on military history. He jumped when she said his name, startled by the sudden intrusion.

“A-Ayanami? What’s up? If you’re looking for Asuka and Shinji, I have no idea where they ran off to.” He chuckled. “She’s probably burying his body behind the school.”

She was definitely doing something with his body.

“It is my understanding,” she said, “that you organize all of the class’s gambling activities, including wagering on the likelihood of romantic encounters between various classmates.”

“Sh!” He made a downward motion with his hand. “Not so loud! Don’t want the Class Rep to hear.”

She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Is it true?”

“Yeah,” he leaned in. “Why are you suddenly so interested?”

“I would like to place a wager.”

***

Misato poured a shot of whiskey to go with her post-dinner beer. Pen-Pen raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look,” she said before she threw it back, and chased it with half the can.

“Waark?”

“No, it’s not that. Work’s just been… tense lately,” she said as she poured herself another one.

Tense was an understatement. Nothing felt the same after Kaji showed her that… thing in Terminal Dogma. She frankly didn’t want to believe it. NERV was… She didn’t know what NERV was, now. She didn’t know what to think or who to trust, except for Kaji. She knew that she could trust him. But, if she was being honest with herself, trusting him was never the issue. It was trusting herself she had trouble with.

“You did that on purpose!” Asuka shouted from the living room.

“Did not!” Shinji shouted back at her.

“Did so!”

“Yeah? Well, you–!”

And then there were those two. Asuka and Shinji had been bickering almost non-stop for the past week, especially whenever Misato was around. It was like their very own sitcom, where they were constantly at each other’s throats over some minor incident. Shinji at least seemed to be getting better at standing up for himself, and Asuka’s insults were less vicious.

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

The doors of their rooms slammed one after the other.

Misato asked, “They really think they’re fooling us, don’t they?” Her avian companion shook his head.

What was supposed to be her home and refuge had been turned into a seething cauldron of teenage hormones. They really thought she didn’t know what was going on when she would enter a room, and they would back away from one another in a near-panic. Whenever she got home late, their clothes and hair were disheveled. The walls were thin enough for her to hear the hushed whispers and the giggling. Scratch marks poked out of the back of Shinji’s shirts, and Asuka’s amateurish attempts at using make-up to hide the hickies weren’t doing her any favors.

Misato had planned to put a stop to it a couple of nights ago, when she woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. She heard voices and saw a light peeking out from behind Asuka’s bedroom door.

She stopped herself when she heard Shinji’s voice.

“Asuka, do you think we… went too fast?”

“You having regrets already?”

“Not at all,” he said, his voice filled with a quiet confidence Misato had never heard from him before. “We’re just… you know, kinda young for some of this.”

“Says who? The people who tell us that we’re not too young to die for them? What the hell about our lives, Shinji? Why are we too young to live for ourselves? We could die the next time an Angel attacks. We have to give up our futures for everyone else’s, so I’m not going to care what they have to say about it. Are you?”

“No,” he said quietly.

Misato felt like she’d been hit in the chest. She wanted to say what they were doing was still wrong, but everything Asuka said was the truth. She asked both of them to put their lives and futures at risk for her every day, forcing them to grow up too fast. Now, knowing what she did about NERV, she was faced with the very real possibility that all of it was built on a lie. She was lying to them and telling them to die for it.

…They are soldiers. They became soldiers the moment you recruited them for this war.

Who said that to her?

“Good,” Asuka said. “Because you’re mine, now. You understand? Not Misato’s, not Wondergirl’s–”

“You know Rei and I aren’t–”

“But she’s still important to you. I know that. And you, you’re so damned good that you’d risk yourself for her, too. You think that doesn’t piss me off? You can’t…” Her voice got very small, and weak. “You can’t leave me, you understand? Please.”

“I’m not, Auska, I promise.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear, I won’t leave, no matter what.”

“Good. You’re not allowed to die, either. Not without my permission.”

He snorted. “I’m the Invincible Shinji, remember? And you’re the Great Asuka Langley Soryu. Who’s going to stop us?”

Misato let it be. Now, it was actually rather cute, watching them pretend to dislike each other so much. She wondered how long they could keep up the act. They would all have to talk to Ritsuko, eventually. She was nominally responsible for the pilots’ health after all. There was a fair chance she already knew–there were security cameras in the pilot showers. Asuka was going to be pissed when she found out.

Now, Misato heard the soft sigh of Shinji’s door open. There were hurried whispers, and then Asuka’s door slid shut.

Misato asked the penguin, “You want one?”

Pen-Pen slid his shot glass across the table to her.

***

The white-striped orb that appeared above the city the next day took everyone by surprise. It hadn’t appeared on any radar or early detection systems. It had simply appeared in the blink of an eye. No one was even sure that it was an Angel, until it was too late.

The three Evangelion units were launched and positioned around the mysterious orb, but not given the order to attack.

Asuka growled with frustration. “What are we waiting around for? This is stupid.”

“Just breathe, Asuka,” Shinji said. He hated it when she got like this. It meant that she was about to consider something reckless. And what she considered usually turned into action.

“I’m not going to just cower like this, stupid!”

She saw his facial reaction over the comms. He didn’t expect her to apologize, especially not where everyone could hear it, but it still hurt.

“I… I just mean…”

“We have our orders, Pilot Soryu,” Rei said placidly. “Wether we agree with them or not is irrelevant.”

Asuka grunted her unhappy acknowledgement. She felt stifled by the waiting. Why didn’t these damned Angels just act? They always dragged things out like this. It was worse than sitting through history class, but at least there you already knew what was going to happen.

“Pattern blue,” came the declaration from the bridge crew. “It’s an Angel!”

“Finally!”

The Evas launched their attack. Asuka fired rockets at it, but when the smoke cleared, it was revealed to be ineffective. The orb continued its eerie floating path forward.

Then, the orb’s shadow started to move, and everything inside of it began to sink. It slid under Unit 02’s feet, and Asuka felt a cold grip on her, like her legs were going numb.

“What the hell?”

“Asuka! Hold on, I’m coming!” Unit 01 was already moving, heedless of Misato’s orders.

“Damn it,” the Major cursed. “Rei, back them up.”

“Understood.”

Unit 00 moved in after Unit 01. She stopped a few meters behind him and fired at the orb, but her rifle’s bullets were useless. She may as well have been shooting at air.

“Help! Shinji!” Unit 02 was now sunk to the waist, and key systems were either scrambling or failing completely. Asuka couldn’t feel her legs. “Please!”

“I’ve got you!” He leapt up to one of the sinking buildings. Cars, streets, skyscrapers–everywhere the black shadow fell began to sink into an inky abyss.

Unit 01 grabbed 02’s outstretched hand. The darkness seemed to pull harder.

“Come on, damn it!” Shinji willed his Eva to pull. Unit 02 was barely managing to budge. “No!”

“Ikari.”

Rei felt a deep panic within herself. At this rate, both of her fellow pilots would be lost, and they were not like her. They were not replaceable.

Misato barked, “Rei, what are you doing? Maintain distance!”

But Unit 00 was moving before Rei was even conscious of her own actions. She hopped from one sinking rooftop to the next, and landed beside Unit 01. She grabbed 02’s sinking arm, and helped Shinji pull. The power of two Evas was enough to rip Asuka free. Unit 02 came out suddenly, like all of the momentum in its form was released at once.

Unit 00 shoved its sisters out of the shadow’s path, and lost its balance as it did so. She fell backwards into the void, and was instantly gone.

“Rei! Do you read me?” Misato shouted. “Rei!”

***

An hour later, Asuka was still trying to shake the numbness from her legs. The Evas had been pulled back to a safe distance, and a forward command had been set up beneath them. The emergency medics had Asuka on oxygen for the first half hour as she willed her lungs to work. Shinji sat with her and held her hand the entire time, heedless of who might see or care.

Misato said nothing. Now was not the time. She ducked back inside the command tent, where a team of the smartest people NERV could gather were clustered around printouts, machines, reports, and a large whiteboard scribbled with what looked to Misato like every mathematical equation in the book.

Ristuko stood nearby, watching a monitor replay Unit 00’s disappearance from multiple angels. She thanked Misato when her friend handed her a coffee.

“Well,” Ritsuko said as the monitor showed the nearly suicidal lengths Shinji had went to save Asuka, again, “you wanted them getting along.”

“I just wanted them to stop fighting,” she said. She took a deep breath, knowing that both of her pilots were going to hate her for this. “They’re–”

“I know.” Ritsuko did her the favor of not having to say it out loud. “I saw the locker room footage. I finally get what all of you see in him.”

Misato sneered at her. “Don’t be disgusting, Rits.”

“I’m just being realistic. Asuka’s stress levels should drop dramatically, and I welcome anything that makes her easier to work with.”

Misato tactfully decided to ignore that line of thought. “Is there anything I can do here to help?”

“Let the smart kids work,” she answered. “And keep the coffee coming. We’re going to need it.”

Misato nodded and left the command tent. She walked over to the medical tent, where Shinji and Asuka were sitting side by side on a cot. Asuka was finally off the oxygen, but trying to rub feeling and warmth back into her legs. She shivered. Shinji held her.

Even Ristuko’s heart would have melted at the sight, Misato thought. She sat down on the cot across from them.

“Hey.”

The two teens looked up at her with a mix of fear, anticipation, and exhaustion in their eyes. They were braced for her to come down on them, but the hammer never fell.

“How are you two holding up?”

“C-Can’t feel my legs, still,” Asuka said. “It’s so… so cold in there.” She pushed herself deeper into Shinji’s embrace.

Misato could rarely recall when she heard fear in Asuka’s voice, particularly when she was so vulnerable. Damn, maybe they were better for each other than she thought.

Shinji asked, “What about Ayanami?”

Misato took a deep breath that felt like a purposeful attempt to avoid the subject. “We’re not sure.” The look in their eyes made her feel like she’d just beaten a pair of puppies. “We’re operating on the assumption that she’s still alive. Rei knows the Evas better than anyone–yes, even you, Asuka–and she knows what to do in a situation like this. She’ll go into minimal power mode, and stretch out her battery.”

Shinji asked, “How long?”

“Fifteen hours,” Asuka said automatically. “I-If she doesn’t have to expend energy on m-manuvering or anything.”

“That’s correct,” Misato said. “And we’re operating under that timetable. It seems that this… thing… slows down the more it pulls into itself. Ristuko says it’s an Angel, but it’s weird.”

“Angels and weird,” Asuka said. “Means the same thing.”

Misato lightly laughed. She was just glad that one of them could make jokes.

“Go ahead and lay down,” she said. “Get some rest. There’s nothing any of us can do for now.” She stood up. “Oh, and guys. We’re going to have to talk about… this,” she gestured vaguely to the pair, “when this is all over.”

The two young pilots sighed as their commanding officer and legal guardian walked away. They laid down on the narrow cot, pushed as tightly together as they could get. Shinji pulled a blanket over them, and continued to rub Asuka’s legs.

She asked, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“J-just trying to help,” he said. “Get warmth back into them.”

She smiled. “Perv. You keep doing that, it’ll definitely work.”

He smiled back at her and did as he was told. “I guess the act is over.”

“Too bad,” she said. “It was kind of fun.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “So, who do you think won the betting pool at school?”

“Who cares? I already lost.” She saw his expression. “It’s your fault. You took for goddamned ever.” She pressed herself into him again. “Seriously. Wall of Jericho. How did you not get that?”

“I still don’t know what that means.”

She closed her eyes. “You adorable idiot.”

***

Somewhere.

There was nothing but void. Black. White. It didn’t matter. Rei saw one or the other when she opened and closed her eyes, and after the first few hours she had trouble distinguishing the two. She’d slowed down her breathing, attempting to stretch out her LCL’s oxygen supply. She could have activated her Eva’s anesthetic systems and put herself to sleep to stretch the supply out even further, but the thought of that… bothered her.

She didn’t want to be asleep when the end came. Being alone didn’t bother her as much. She was often alone. That was the nature of her existence. She was alone at school, at NERV, at home. She was even alone with Gendo. She had to call him Gendo now, to separate him from Pilot Ikari in her mind. But, she had always been alone with him. He didn’t see her when he looked at her. He saw someone else, someone who wasn’t there anymore.

It hadn’t bothered her until recently. She noticed the change about the same time that she noticed Ikari and Soryu’s deepening relationship. There was a glimmer in Gendo’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. Wistfullness, she believed it was called. He wasn’t looking at her. He was remembering something her image brought back to him.

She realized that it had always been there. She hadn’t minded before, but now she did. It was so strange. There’d been such a subtle shift, almost imperceptible to the outside, but it was there all the same. She realized something about herself. She did not like being an object for the reflection of his memories.

She hoped that the next one of her was unburdened by it.

Ah, there it was again. The next one. That sense of impermanence, that she was at once eternal and replaceable. A contradiction that she’d never been able to reconcile in herself. Now, it seemed, she never would.

She considered activating Eva’s self-destruct sequence. That’s what she should have done from the beginning, really. It would terminate the Angel, most definitely, and herself along with it. But, that was okay, because she could be replaced. Others would still get to live. Gendo. Ristuko. Ikari. Soryu. They would get to live, even if she died, and then there would be the next one of her to take her place.

“Then why didn’t you?”

The addition of a second voice–her voice–was unexpected. She sat up. Another one of her was standing with her in the cockpit. She wore her school uniform. There was something in her eyes that Rei did not recognize. There was a… warmth?

She asked, “Who are you?”

“The you that is her,” her other self answered.

“Her who?”

“You know who,” a second version of herself said. This one appeared off to her right in the cockpit, wearing a version of her plugsuit that was the same shade of orange as Unit 00 previously had been.

“The one that isn’t us,” this second version said.

“What do you…?” She trailed off. How long had it been since she’d taken her medication? Oh, no. She most definitely had missed her last dose. She hoped that the next her wasn’t burdened by this, as well. At least she would have an extra dose waiting.

The second version groaned. “No, you ignorant skin-sack.” She sounded unpleasantly like Soryu. “She’s not that. She’s the other ‘not us’. The one not like us.” She gestured her hands wildly back and forth between them.

“I don’t…”

You’re not her.

A memory flashed in her mind. It… didn’t feel like her own. She couldn’t place it. There’d been a girl…

“Yes,” the first apparition, the schoolgirl, said. “You remember her. She told you that you’re not the person she expected. Do you remember?”

Rei shook her head. “No.” Her voice carried more worry than she’d expected. Why? Why did this upset her? She could almost place that voice… and the face it belonged to… but trying to do so made her feel… sad?

She felt a coldness on her face. She touched her fingertips to her cheeks, and pulled back tears, which quickly dissolved into the LCL surrounding her.

“Pft. Figures,” the orange version said. “You get all the good stuff and don’t even know what to do with it.”

“It’s not her fault,” said the schoolgirl.

“No,” Orange agreed. “It’s yours.”

The schoolgirl frowned at her feet, but made no effort to argue the point. She sat down on the end of the control console, and smiled sadly at Rei.

“I’m glad we could meet like this,” she said. “For a change.”

Orange snorted and rolled her eyes.

Rei asked the schoolgirl, “Who are you?”

“The name the humans have given me,” she said, “is Lilith.”

***

Eight Hours Remaining

“You’re going to what?” Asuka’s shrill voice reached every part of the command tent.

“In theory,” Ristuko said, “A sufficient amount of energy forced through into the Sea of Dirac should be able to destroy the Angel.”

“So you’re killing Rei,” Shinji said.

Ritsuko breathed through her nose. “There is a chance Rei will survive. If she deployed her AT field–”

“It’s an inverted AT field that she’s already trapped in,” Asuka said, slowly, as if speaking to a child. “If she deploys her own, it’ll just strengthen the Angel’s, and the N2s will just destroy the city instead of the Angel!” She looked around at the tent filled with top level scientists, mathematicians, and physicists from around the world. “How do you idiots not understand that?”

Shinji tried, “The Commander–!”

“Commander Ikari,” Ristuko said, “has already signed off on the plan.”

“So, if the plan works,” Asuka continued, “Rei dies. If it fails, we all die, either because the Angel succeeds, or because you idiots dropped more explosives on this country than it’s seen in sixty years.”

Everyone else in the tent shifted uncomfortably.

Asuka turned to Misato. “You’re killing her and you know it. I bet you wouldn’t even think of doing this if Shinji was in there, would you?”

Misato stared, “Asuka, that’s not fair. We–”

“No, it’s not,” she said. “You just sacrifice us so you can live another day.”

Misato sighed, and turned to the boy, who was scowling at his feet.

“Shinji?”

“She’s right,” he said. When he looked up at her, Misato could barely stand to meet his gaze. “You’re killing us. You’re killing Rei.”

Misato had no response. She was a monster and she knew it.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ritsuko said. “It’s one pilot.”

The crack heard in the tent turned everyone around, even Shinji and Asuka. Maya rushed over to Ristuko’s side as she physically swayed from the impact.

“It’s not one pilot,” Misato said. “It’s my pilot. Don’t ever say that again.”

Misato walked out of the tent ahead of everyone else. Lieutenant Ibuki immediately rushed to Ristuko’’s side. Asuka and Shinji followed Misato out of the tent, and they walked a few meters away until they were finally in a quiet, safe space where Misato felt that she could lean against the wall, and start crying.

Shinji was the first to hug her. She knew that she didn’t deserve it, but she didn’t want to push him away. He just wrapped his arms around her waist and held her as tightly as he could, just for her sake. That was enough, but then Asuka walked over to her other side.

Asuka thought about her time in Germany. It was true that Kaji was the first one to treat her as a person, and Shinji was the first one to treat her as a woman, but Misato was the first one to treat her as someone who mattered. As much as the older woman could piss her off, it was only because she hated her bad habits, and because she pushed Asuka to be better than herself. She thought it made Misato a hypocrite.

She leaned over and took Misato’s hand in hers. “God, you’re a bitch,” she said.

Misato leaned over, and pulled Asuka into a tight hug as she cried. Asuka looked at Shinji. The idiot was smiling at them, of course. Asuka made it clear, silently, that if he said a word about this to anyone, his body would never be found.

“There has to be another way,” Misato said. “There has to be.”

“Then find one,” Asuka said.

Misato lifted her head, and nodded.

***

Two Hours Remaining

Rei was not sure how much time had passed. That was an alien concept to this place. She did not age here, so it could have been a hundred years or an hour. It made no difference.

All the while, Lilith filled her head with ancient knowledge that her mind was not constructed for.

“We sent ourselves out amongst the stars,” Lilith said, “in the hope that we could, eventually, repopulate this galaxy. Many, so many of us were sent out, but few landed where they were supposed to be. Adam landed here first. But, he shouldn’t have. This was supposed to be my planet. We fought for an age.”

Rei could see it all. Angels moved through space like shooting stars. They landed on primordial worlds, still young, barren of life, and then they began to grow. But, for some inexplicable reason, two landed on the same planet where there should only have been one. They fought. Rei remembered.

“Your kind has always remembered this,” Lilith said. “Since the very beginning, you have remembered. Marduk and Tiamat. Geb and Nut. Saturn and Nyx. Adam and Lilith. Male law and Female chaos. Order and creation. It has been carried down, again and again. You have built weapons to fight against the darkness, and each time it has been beaten back. The child replaces the parent. This is the true cycle of life.”

Rei understood all of this, in an academic sense. She could see and accept that this was a story that had been passed down through the ages, told and retold, reinterpreted with each age to suit the needs of the time.

But, it wasn’t literal. It couldn’t be. Yet, here she was, fighting the agents of a Patriarchic order, using the very creatures made, in part or whole, from the divine Feminine creation, to defend their bastard children.

“Now,” Lilith said, “here you are, playing out the same story, up to its final cycle.”

Rei could not understand. “Why? What makes this one different?”

“Because,” Lilith said, “Mankind has finally come to the point wherein it can choose its own destiny. The Evangelions are the final step. The ultimate test. They have now created life in their own image. What will they do with it?”

Orange Rei hopped onto her feet. “That’s a bunch of bullshit, Mom,” she said. “We’re just puppets. Tools. Toys so that one man can try and get back what he lost when he doesn’t even appreciate what he has!” This Rei was screaming, tears falling from her cheeks, heedless of what anyone else thought of her.

“If I may.” A third voice entered the discussion. It was a woman, thirtyish, with short brown hair and large, kindly eyes. Rei immediately felt a connection to her. She knew who she was, even if she couldn’t speak the woman’s name.

Lilith was not exactly thrilled to see her, and Orange was visibly scowling.

“What do you want?”

“Well,” Yui Ikari said, “I did contribute half of her genetic material. I feel like I should get some say in this matter.”

“You’re an egg donor,” Orange said. “End of discussion. You shouldn’t even be here! It’s against the rules!”

Lilith smiled, “Since when have we played by the rules?”

“Thank you,” Yui said. She turned her full attention to Rei. “Do you know why my son is so important to you?”

Rei shook her head. She understood, on some basic level, what this woman was to her, but she could only now begin to feel what that connection might mean.

“Because you,” she said, “are the only real connection to a born family that he has in this world. Kyoku’s daughter will help him with the rest, but he needs you too, to anchor him. It’s a lot to put on you, I know. Believe me, he’s like his father that way.”

Rei understood that. The singular trait of Gendo and his son was that they needed someone else to cling to. It gave them reason, definition, something to measure themselves against and strive to match, to prove themselves worthy for.

“It is the Curse of Adam,” Lilith said. “They can’t help themselves. Their basic need is for acceptance. Hence, why Adam’s pure children, the Angels, seek to reunite with him.”

“Just as Gendo seeks to reunite with you,” Rei said to Yui.

For a moment, she feared that she’d made a mistake, but Yui just nodded.

“That’s why my Shinji needs you,” Yui said, “and Soryu. To make sure that he doesn’t repeat his father’s mistakes.”

Rei nodded. “What do I need to do?”

All three of her reflections, Orange, Yui, and Lilith, looked at each other. Finally, Lilith said, “This part, I’m afraid, is going to be the most difficult. You need to wake up.”

Rei felt a blinding, white-hot light envelop her.

***

Five Minutes Remaining

“We’re going to be in so much trouble for this, you know,” Asuka said.

“Yeah,” Shinji acknowledged. “What else is new?”

She had to admit that he had a point. The both of them had gone against orders so many times that it was a miracle they were still allowed anywhere near the Evas. It was just another testament, they realized, to how much they were needed by NERV versus how much they needed NERV.

Asuka asked breathlessly, “Where the hell did this confidence come from, Third?” It was such a goddamn turn on.

“I guess I just needed something to fight for,” he said.

It was both so corny and so earnest that Asuka promised herself that, if they got out of this alive, she was going to give him that reason, and then some.

“I hate how weak you’ve made me,” she said.

“I love you, too,” he said.

Asuka decided to vent her frustration on the Angel.

Both Units 01 and 02 lurched forward without orders. Their ground crews had all cleared, assuming that they had launch clearance. It was too hard to argue with that damned red-headed German when she started speaking in multiple languages in a tone that suggested it would just be easier for everyone involved if they gave in to whatever she demanded.

“Welcome to my world,” Shinji muttered at the thought.

“What?”

“What?”

“Idiot,” she said. “Unit 02, launch!”

“Unit 01, launch!”

They turned off the expected comms that came from Misato, Ristuko, and Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki. It was all the same message, anyway. Turn Around. Go Back. Danger Ahead. Like it was different from any other time they’d been thrown into a life or death battle and expected to come out on top.

The N2 mines were on their way. Misato and the rest of the bridge crew were screaming at the JSSDF planes to break off. Units 01 and 02 charged towards the orb, heedless of the danger, so sure in the power of their youth and their love.

***

“How ridiculous,” Orange Rei said, looking out from inside.

Lilith asked Rei, “Are you ready?”

She didn’t know if she really was, but she nodded anyway.

“None of us are,” Yui said. “Not the first time. But, I promise you, it will get easier.”

She felt a warmth fill her chest when she saw her mother–his mother–their mother smile at her.

“I just wish,” she said, “that I could tell him.”

“He deserves to know,” Asuka said. “Think about that.”

When did that happen?

***

Minus One Minute Remaining

The bombers broke off at the last minute. Asuka and Shinji held their breaths. They were certain that, at any moment, they were going to either be met with an arrest, or a congratulations.

What they received was nothing like either of them could expect. A pair of hands suddenly burst from either side of the Angel amidst a spray of whatever the hell passed for blood among their kind. The air of Tokyo-3 stank of iron and shit.

Asuka briefly recalled some words from Ristuko’s lectures about this particular Angel. What they saw wasn’t the body itself, but the shadow it cast from whatever dimension it actually lived in. She imagined that it was like holding your hand up to a light source, and watching as your shadow got smaller or larger, depending on how close to the source you held it. It didn’t change your actual mass, but it did affect what it looked like in the shadow.

So, assuming that the shadow they saw was far smaller than the actual mass, when Unit 00 reemerged in this dimension by tearing through the orb of Leliel, that it was actually tearing through was much larger than itself. That explained the fountains of blood that poured from its wounds, but not the screaming that came from Unit 00 itself as it tore the Angel in half like an egg shell.

Units 01 and 02 stopped in their tracks and stared in horror as Unit 00 emerged from the Angel in a shower of gore. There was a scream that echoed in their heads, but Unit 00’s mouth was still closed.

Asuka Langley Soryu, who had never considered herself religious for a moment before that day, asked herself, “What the hell is happening?”

***

“It’s okay,” a voice said. “You’re safe now.”

“M… Mother?”

“What the hell did she call you?” A girl’s voice. Asuka. Of course.

“I-I don’t know!” Shinji. That made her smile.

“Aw, Mama Shinji. That is pretty cute.”

“I… agree,” Rei croaked.

“Rei!”

She opened her eyes to Shinji’s bright, smiling face. Asuka was there, as well. She tried to pretend that she hadn’t been smiling the moment Rei looked at her.

She was in the HQ’s hospital ward. It was becoming a familiar place for all of them. She was dressed in a hospital gown and laying on a bed. Everything felt itchy and cold.

“Welcome back, Wondergirl,” she said.

“It is… agreeable… to be back.” Rei found it difficult to find her voice. It was strange. She’d never had this sort of difficulty before.

“You’re dehydrated and exhausted.” Dr. Akagi’s voice echoed behind her fellow pilots. “Now that you see she is okay, will you please get out of here so that I can properly assist her in getting better?”

Asuka, of course, complained, but it still put a smile on Rei’s face to hear it. It meant that the girl’s spirit had not been dimmed in her absence.

“Dr. Akagi’s right,” Shinji said. “Get some rest, Rei. We’re glad you’re back.”

“Shinji.” The familiarity, as well as the unexpected strength she found to grab his hand, stopped both Shinji and Asuka in their tracks. “We must… talk later.”

Her fellow pilots exchanged a glance that she expected. They were one, now, and it only made sense that they would have to make this decision together.

“Okay,” Shinji said. “Later. After you’re better.”

Her fellow pilots left the room, leaving her with Dr. Akagi. After the good doctor had finished her examinations, she seemed satisfied, and said, “You’ll be fit for duty in a few days. Rest for now.”

Rei nodded. Once Akagi left, she felt her eyelids shut themselves, as though she were no longer in control of her own body. It was, clearly, a result of shock and fatigue. But, there would be questions later, and answers that she had promised to others.

“Good night,” she muttered, thinking of Shinji, “Big Brother…”

***

Misato drove Asuka and Shinji home. They chatted happily during the drive, half the time talking about nothing important, the other half Misato congratulated them on a job well done. They were both gracious enough not to mention her little breakdown during the mission.

When they finally made it into the apartment, Asuka made a show of stretching and yawning. “God, I’m beat.”

“Y-Yeah,” Shinji said. “It’s been a long couple of days. I’m just gonna–”

“Stop.” Misato’s words froze them in their tracks as they were heading towards their bedrooms. Or one of them, anyway.

She pointed at the dinner table. “Sit.”

The two teenagers glumly sat down side by side. Shinji hung his head while Asuka scowled and crossed her arms. Misato took off her jacket, got herself a beer, and then sat down across from them.

She had to take a long drink before she found the courage to get started.

“So,” she said, “you two are together.”

Their acknowledgement was grumbled. They didn’t look at each other, but they held each other’s hand. Misato had to admit that this was awkward for her, too. Part of her really just wanted to let them go, but this had to be done.

But, something had changed in them, and this was just a small part of it. Shinji had shown a calm and confidence in the last two days that Misato didn’t think he would ever be capable of, and Asuka cared, really cared, about what would happen to Rei. Obviously, being together had brought this on, and Misato wasn’t going to allow anything to change that.

Asuka began her defensive argument. “I don’t see how it’s anyone else’s business what we–!”

“Stop,” Misato said, loudly enough to convince Asuka that she was being serious. “I just spent an hour being yelled at by Fuyutsuki because of the bone-headed stunt the two of you pulled just before Rei freed herself, so now I will say my piece, thank you.”

Asuka sank a little deeper into her chair.

Shinji asked, “What did you tell him?”

“That it was my order,” she said. “The two of you were going to try to direct the blast with your AT fields and minimize possible damage to the city.” She had to ask, “What did you two really think you were going to do, anyway?”

Shinji embarrassedly scratched his head. “We… hadn’t thought that far ahead. We were just kind of hoping that something would happen and it’d work out.”

Mistao laughed and shook her head. Teenagers.

“To answer your question, Asuka,” she said, “it is my business, both as your legal guardian and your superior officer. These are the sorts of… entanglements that I have to take into account when I send you two into the field.”

“Entanglements?” Asuka scoffed. “I’m a professional, Misato! I can handle being in the field with Shinji even if he’s my boyfriend.”

“I also have to keep you two healthy and safe in your day to day lives,” she said.

Shinji spoke up. “We’re not doing anything that–!”

“Oh, please,” Misato said with a wave of her hand. “I’ve seen the marks on your back. Seriously, Asuka, are you trying to kill the poor boy?”

They both blushed and found it momentarily difficult to meet her gaze. Misato took a sip of her beer to hide her teasing grin. She’d been holding that one in for almost a week!

“Which reminds me,” she continued, “you’re both going to have full medical check-ups with Ristuko tomorrow.”

Asuka groaned and rolled her eyes. “Now that hag has to know, too?”

“She already knows,” she said. “The showers aren’t exactly the most private of places.”

“Wait, do you mean you have cameras in there?” Asuka screamed. Shinji blushed even harder.

“You know, Shinji,” Misato couldn’t help herself, “for what it’s worth, you really impressed Ritsuko.” She stifled a laugh as it looked like Asuka’s head might explode. “Okay, I’ve had my fun, now. Go ahead and get some rest, you two.”

They stood to leave, and Asuka stopped in the hallway, and grabbed Shinji by the back of his shirt.

“Let’s just get one thing straight,” she said to Misato. She pointed at Shinji’s ass. “Mine! Got it?”

“Yes ma’am!” Misato mockingly saluted her.

Asuka slapped Shinji on the ass to get him moving. He yelped and rushed down the hall.

End Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 2

“This is bullshit.”

Asuka sulked on the exam table. A thin curtain separated her from Shinji. They both wore the most uncomfortable hospital gowns that Dr. Akagi could possibly find. They’d spent the better part of their Saturday giving nearly every kind of sample physically possible, poked and prodded everywhere, and even had to submit to an eye exam.

“It’s necessary,” Dr. Akagi said. She sat on a wheeled stool so that she could move easily between the two of them. She typed notes into her datapad with a stylus. “While you meet the legal age of consent in Japan, you are still important NERV assets. Choosing to become sexually active comes with consequences.”

“So now you’re going to tell us where babies come from?”

“You’ve clearly figured that part out yourselves,” she hit back. “Now, do you intend to be sexually active with anyone else?”

“What?” Shinji’s voice went up an octave.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Asuka hopped off the exam table. “I’m not a slut!”

“I wasn’t implying that,” Dr. Akagi said calmly. “But you are both still young. Things happen. Now, please sit down.”

Asuka looked like she was about to assault the doctor, when Shinji spoke up. “Asuka, please. Calm down.” His tone was calm, but firm, and when she looked at him, she could see in his eyes that he just didn’t want her to be angry. “It’s all right,” he said.

Ugh. Infuriating, she thought. This rising confidence of his could be just as inconvenient as it was attractive, and somehow that made her need for him even worse.

She gave Akagi one more glare and a “Hmf!” before she got back on the exam table.

“No, Dr. Akagi,” Shinji said. “We don’t.”

“He knows he’s a dead man if he did,” Asuka said.

Ristuko didn’t doubt that for a second. “Moving on. I’m going to give you a contraceptive prescription. You won’t be able to pilot if you become pregnant.”

“What?” Asuka’s temper rose again. “This is just because I’m a woman, isn’t it?”

“Frankly, we have no idea what the side effects would be to have a pregnant pilot. It’s too much of a risk to both the fetus and Eva. Though, I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to see the generational impact.”

“I-It’s way too soon to think about that,” Shinji said.

If you only knew, Ritsuko thought. She was the only one who remembered the events only three weeks ago, when the future offspring of the Evangelion pilots and Misato came back in time to their present, as preposterous as it was. She assumed that the youngest, Miya, used some sort of device to wipe everyone’s short-term memories of the event, as well as thoroughly scrubbed all physical and digital evidence of their presence.

But, for some mysterious reason, Ristuko Akagi herself was unaffected. She gave herself a CAT scan to confirm it. She couldn’t be sure, but she suspected that her future self had something to do with it. Was it a warning? A gift? She had originally thought that she could use the insights she had gained to her advantage, but she felt her resolve wavering, especially now that she knew how certain events were most likely to play out.

He doesn’t love you. When he’s finished with you, he shoots you.

She wrote out a second prescription, and handed it to Shinji.

“What’s this for?”

“Aniseptic,” she said. “For your back.”

He blushed, and muttered a thank you as he took it.

“I can help you put it on,” Asuka said in a breathy voice.

Ritsuko said, “You want to help, trim your nails.”

***

Ikari and Soryu went to see Rei after their, as Asuka put it, deeply intrusive and embarrassing visit with Dr. Akagi. They told her, with much abashedness, of Major Katsuragi’s discovery of their romantic relationship.

“Apprently the entire damned HQ knows,” Asuka grumbled.

Rei had indeed overheard her nurses gossiping about it when they thought she was asleep.

She asked, “If it is now common knowledge here, will you now be revealing it to the rest of our class?”

“What? No way,” Asuka said. “Besides, it’s none of their business.”

Rei hid her disappointment. Fortunately, it was only temporary.

“You’re the one who said we shouldn’t care what anyone thinks,” Shinji said.

Asuka growled with frustration. “Fine. It’ll be good to make sure those stupid girls keep their hands to themselves, anyway.”

Rei was finally looking forward to school.

Shinji asked her, “You going to be there?”

“Yes,” she said. “I will only be here one more night for observation.”

“If they don’t poison you, first.” Asuka sneered at the uneaten lunch tray that sat beside Rei’s bed.

“I do not believe they would do that on purpose. Only through their culinary incompetence.” She realized that her fellow pilots were staring at her. “What is the matter?”

“Rei,” Shinji said, “did you just make a joke?”

She blinked. “Was… it humorous?”

“No,” Asuka said. “But, hey, not bad for your first try!”

“Thank you.” She almost felt a smile.

They promised to see her at school, and left. Rei eyed the cafeteria mystery meat. She hadn’t eaten anything they brought her. She knew that, under Dr. Akagi’s orders, they drugged her food. She had always been ignorant of the reason as to why. It hadn’t mattered to her before, but after her vision of Lilith, Yui Ikari, and what she now suspected had been the piece of her soul inside of Unit 00, she felt it was important that she avoid Akagi’s “treatments.”

The only other person who came to see her was the Commander. He arrived alone, towards the evening. She wasn’t even aware that he was in the room until she looked up from her book and saw him standing over her.

“How are you feeling, Rei?”

Despite the question, his voice was dispassionate and hard-edged as ever, like the man himself.

Rei felt a chill run through her when she looked at his pitiless eyes.

“I am fine, Commander,” she said. “The doctors said–”

“I know what they said.” There was a touch of impatience there. “Why did you do that, Rei?”

“Commander?”

“Why did you risk yourself when fighting the Angel?”

She blinked. “Those were my orders, Commander.”

“Explain yourself.”

“I was ordered to back up Pilot Soryu and Pilot Ikari. I did so by pulling them free of the Angel’s Sea of Dirac. If I had not, they might have been lost.”

“We almost lost you, instead,” he said, though there was no concern for her wellbeing in his voice.

“I am replaceable,” she said, trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible. But the words galled her now. She was replaceable. A tool.

“Be that as it may,” the Commander went on, “we are nearing a critical juncture, and you are important to our work here. Having to start over would be… an inconvenience.”

Her grip tightened on the book’s cover. “I understand, Commander.”

“Good. Then you will no longer take any unnecessary risks, even for your fellow pilots. Those are my orders. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Commander.” Did her voice always sound this… hollow?

He left without saying another word or looking back at her.

She didn’t eat the dinner provided. She waited until everyone had left for the night, and then snuck out into the hallway and to the vending machines. There was no one in the ward. The on-call nurse was in the cafeteria. Rei walked up to the machines, and remembered that she didn’t have any money. Her things were still in her locker, including her school bag, where she kept everything she needed.

She looked around. There was a line of loose chairs against the far wall. Rei grabbed one, and swung it into the vending machine and smashed the glass. She carefully stepped around the shards of glass, took what she wanted, and went back to her room. She felt… satisfied.

She was released the next morning. Everyone wondered who had broken open the vending machine, immediately discounting the quiet, strange girl. No one would believe that she was even capable of it. She hid the trash under her pillow.

No one bothered to bring her things from the pilots’ locker room, and the nurses unceremoniously dumped her outside the medical wing. She had to walk through HQ in her hospital gown until she reached the locker rooms and changed. No one cared enough. She could have asked Shinji. She was sure he would have, but he looked so happy with Asuka the day before that she felt it would be intrusive to inconvenience them.

She… cared too much about their happiness. That’s why she knew that she couldn’t let either of them sink into that Sea of Dirac. It would have been too hard on either of them to lose the other, right now.

So, there was no one to escort her home. Not even Dr. Akagi bothered. No one on the train struck up a conversation with her. None of them would even know who she was. The Pilots’ identities were kept a strict secret, except for amongst her classmates, but all of their parents worked for NERV, anyway.

She returned to her apartment to find it in the exact same state as when she left it. It was, in a word, filthy. The state of it was another one of those things that had never really bothered her before. It didn't seem relevant. As long as she kept herself healthy enough to pilot, the state of her living arrangements were inconsequential.

She tossed her bag on the bed haphazardly, and looked around. Her eyes settled on the pair of glasses she kept on her nightstand. She remembered the first time Ikari came to her apartment. He’d idly picked them up out of curiosity, and when she tried to take them from him, they fell down with his hand on her breast. If he knew who her real “mother” was, he probably would have been twice as embarrassed as he had been. The thought made her giggle.

Wait, she thought. Did I really just…?

She walked around to her dresser, where her medicine sat. She dumped out a handful of the pills, feeling a near panic rise in her at the realization of what she’d just felt and done, and…

Her hand held still in the air, holding the pills, but she couldn’t force herself to bring them up to her mouth. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to stop feeling this. All of it. The rising fear, the joy, the sadness. She wanted to feel it all.

Now something else was rising in her. She threw the pills in her hand across the room. She picked up the bottle. She didn’t understand most of the words on it, and had no idea what sort of cocktail Dr. Akagi and the Commander had been stuffing down her throat all of her life, but at that very moment she’d had enough of it.

She screamed and hurled it across the room. It smashed into the lamp, and popped open when it hit the floor and scattered the pills everywhere.

Rei just stood there for a few moments as she embraced the feeling of her anger released. It felt… good.

She also realized that Asuka had been right. She was only a tool, and instrument, a way for the Commander to relive his past. He didn’t care about her. He didn’t even give a damn about his own son, except inas how useful the boy could be to his plans. The plans that featured her as a doll. His doll.

Do not call her that! Again, those memories that were hers, but she couldn’t place them.

She looked over at the glasses. She picked them up and considered them for a moment. She’d taken them from his office and kept them out of a sense of sentiment. She wanted to feel close to him, to really mean something to him, but she knew that she didn’t. She never would.

She gently put them down on the floor. She raised her foot, and slowly crushed them.

***

Shinji and Asuka walked to school and discussed how they would share the news with their friends. Shinji was honestly surprised that Asuka hadn’t already told Hikari.

“Why is that?” Asuka asked pointedly enough for Shinji to realize that he’d messed up again.

“Well, don’t girls tell each other everything?”

“No, you idiot.” She rolled her eyes. “Where’d you get that idea? The other stooges?”

“No, uh, bad television.”

“Figures. There’s some things girls can’t even tell other girls. You can only tell someone else who…”

She didn’t have to finish. He was smart enough to figure out the rest of that sentence, at least.

“Someone else who’s lived it,” he said.

She squeezed his hand. They stayed that way until they’d gotten to class, and forgot they were even still holding hands until Hikari looked at them and began a slow, high-pitched squeal of excitement. She jumped out of her seat and ran up to them.

“You guys! Are you…?”

Asuka looked down at their hands. “Oh, damn,” she said. “That lasted all of ten seconds.”

“You are?”

“‘Fraid so,” Asuka confirmed.

Half the class erupted in exclamations of disbelief. The other had begun whispering. Someone was crying.

“Oh, come on,” Asuka said. “What are we, royalty?”

Shinji rolled his eyes, knowing how much Asuka was reveling in the attention. It made him uncomfortable, but if she was happy…

“Okay, everyone!” She stepped forward. “Listen up! This man is officially off-limits, understand? I’m looking at you, Chikago! Don’t hide your face from me! I know you put that love letter in his locker last month!”

“Wait,” he said. “There was a letter in my locker?”

“Yeah. I got rid of it.”

“How…? Nevermind.” She either broke into his locker or knew his combination, and either way, he didn’t really want to know. “You really are crazy.”

She smiled and winked at him. “You know you love it.” She shoved him towards their seats, and again her hand slapped his butt. “Mine!”

Shinji yelped and took his seat before she further molested him in front of their classmates. Cool and confident now. Cool and confident,” he repeated to himself over and over in his head. Maybe he would start believing it in a hundred years.

His two best friends, Kensuke and Toji, stared at him, gape-mouthed.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Shinji said to Toji. It was difficult to figure out if the expression was disgust, fear, or if he suspected Shinji had been replaced by an alien. “You look like I just broke up with you.”

Toji shook his head. “Gah! Whatever, man. You wanna chain yourself to the Red Devil, that’s your business.”

“We don’t use chains,” Asuka said. “Yet.” Shinji could tell by the grin she flashed Toji that she was enjoying this far too much. She flipped her hair back. “So, Aida. Who won the pool?”

Kensuke checked his betting ledger. His eyes widened. “No way.”

Before he could give a full answer, Rei had approached his desk.

“Aida,” Rei addressed him. “I believe I have won the ‘betting pool’.”

Everyone stared at Rei and wondered who this imposter was, and what had she done with the real Rei Ayanami?

Toji was the first one to gather his wits. “Aw, come on! She’s a pilot, too! She had to have known before the rest of us! That’s cheating!”

“I believe, Suzahara, that there is an old saying. All is fair in love and war.”

Toji blanched. He didn’t think Rei even knew his name.

“My winnings, Aida?”

Kensuke stammered. He would have to collect from the losers, first, before he could cover Rei’s share of the pot. He promised to give it to her tomorrow. She thanked him and sat down. The rest of her classmates continued to stare, which didn’t bother her in the least.

The strangeness of the day continued to pile up. While the rest of the class had either come to accept that Asuka and Shinji were official, or finally relieved that their long nightmare might finally be over, no one was prepared for a Rei Ayanami that actually engaged with the class. She was paying attention to the lessons. She raised her hand to ask and answer questions, which shocked the teachers as much as anyone.

After their second period, Rei pulled out her school laptop, and sent a private message to both Shinji and Asuka.

“I must speak to you. Rooftop. Lunch.”

Auska’s response was, if indelicate, still reasonable: “Why not just tell us now?”

“It must be said in person,” Rei responded. Cryptic, but not totally strange.

Shinji tried to coax more information out of her. “What’s this about, Ayanami?”

“Lunchtime. The roof.”

She shut her laptop without typing so much as another letter.

Shinji and Asuka exchanged glances. Obviously, this worried him, and Auska was simply trying her best not to freak out. Part of her wished that Rei would just go back to being the emotionless doll they’d all come to know.

Do not call her that! Just because…

Asuka squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. There it was again! Those strange… not-memories. They felt real, but it was more like remembering a dream she’d had. She and Shinji had talked about them a little, because he was experiencing them, too. Maybe Rei was, as well? That would make sense. They were all Eva pilots. Maybe it was some sort of weird side-effect that Akagi hadn’t told them about?

That had to be it, Asuka decided. Or something like it. Because any other explanation was either too fantastical, or far too worrisome.

Hikari begged Asuka and Shinji to eat lunch with her and Toji– “It’ll be like a double-date!”--but Asuka insisted that they needed to talk about something important. Privately. Hikari’s eyes widened.

“Asuka!”

“It’s not like that!” Not today, anyway, she thought. She hoped that her friend hadn’t noticed that she and Shinji had been sneaking away even on school grounds for the better part of the past two weeks. She admitted to herself that the thrill of it, the risk of being caught, added to her excitement.

Rei had thrown a bucket of cold water on that, both last week when she found Shinji and Asuka in the janitorial supplies closet, and today when Wondergirl had interrupted her plan to drag Shinji to the athletics shed, where they kept the gym mats.

Asuka took a deep breath. Well, she figured, if Rei’s little meeting didn’t take too long, the rooftop had its own kind of privacy.

Rei was waiting for Shinji and Asuka when they got there. She stared out across the hills that surrounded the edge of Tokyo-3 and its little suburbs. She looked like she’d been bracing herself for something. She didn’t even turn around when they called her name the first couple of times.

“Okay, Wondergirl,” Asuka said, clearly exasperated. “We’re here. What did you want to talk about?” She just wanted to get this over with so she and Shinji could… ugh. She was becoming obsessed.

“It’s okay, Ayanami,” Shinji said. “Whatever it is, you can tell us. Just…” He knew that this was going to annoy Asuka. “Take your time.”

Rei turned around. She had to do this. She had to do it now, before she lost her will to act. It was becoming easier since she’d stopped taking the drugs, but they were still in her system, and she could feel her conditioning pushing back against her desires. She had to tell them. She had to…

He deserves to know. Think about that.

It was the Second who told her that, but she couldn’t remember when she said it.

“Ikari… Shinji,” she said. She opened her eyes and looked at them. Her fellow pilots. They might not be friends, as she understood it, but they’d trusted one another with their lives on more than one occasion. They had a bond, whether any of them could admit it or not. It just ran deeper than any of them had realized before.

“Asuka,” she said. The Second and Third were taken aback by her use of their first names.

“There is something I have to tell you,” she said. “And I am trying, but…” She felt her throat close up, and clenched her teeth. Everything Akagi and the Commander had done to her was trying to shut her down, forcing her to keep quiet. But she didn’t want to keep quiet anymore.

“Rei.”

She opened her eyes. Shinji was standing in front of her. Asuka’s Shinji. Her Shinji. Her…

“You can tell us,” he said. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.”

She smiled. She liked what Asuka had brought out of him.

“My mother,” she said, “was Yui Ikari.”

***

NERV Japan’s HQ was both small and huge at the same time. It was a labyrinthine hive that alternated between frantic activity and sweeping silence. It was overbuilt, understaffed, and half the time no one knew what was supposed to be happening.

But everyone felt a sympathetic pang when they learned about the U.S. branch in Nevada. Another Sea of Dirac had appeared, and four thousand souls had disappeared in an instant, including Unit 04, and its potential pilot.

“What the hell, Rits?”

Misato burst into the head of Project E’s office without so much as a knock after she got the news. Everyone had gotten it at the same time when the satellite imagery showed a giant black hole in the middle of the Nevaden desert.

“You tried to shove a piece of an Angel into an Eva, and didn’t even tell me?” She slapped the painfully thin hard copy of the preliminary report on Ristuko’s desk.

“I’m not required to inform you of every aspect of my operations, Major,” Ristuko said with obvious annoyance.

“That’s bullshit, Rits, and you know it,” Misato fired back. “Were unit 04 and its pilot going to be transferred here, under my command?” She didn’t get an answer, which as far as she was concerned was a yes. “Then why the hell didn’t I get a preliminary evaluation? Or a psych report? Or a spec report for Unit 04? And now I’m being told that Unit 03’s being shipped here faster than Unit 02 had been? Am I the Operations Director, Akagi? Or is this all for fucking show?”

Ritsuko sighed, deeply, and considered her old friend. “No,” she said. “You’re not wrong. What happened with Unit 04 was an accident, but–”

“Horseshit!” Misato was shouting now. “You experimented on a child, Rits! A child! And they’re dead now! And you’re just sitting there like it was a fucking college lab experiment!”

Ristuko looked up, finally, at her old friend. She’d only seen so much fury and pain and love in her face on one other occasion. But, she wasn’t going to bring that up just now.

“Am I the Operations Director?” Misato was still incensed. “Or am I not?”

“You are,” Ritsuko said. “But there are things happening at a different level from you and me,” she said.

Misato sat down on a chair across from her. She fixed Ritsuko with the same look she used to give her old friend before something important–a major test, a term paper turn-in, a big date. There was one person in this entire world who knew Ristuko Akagi better than anyone, and it was the so-dark-it’s-purple haired woman sitting next to her at that exact moment.

It was a look that said, “You can do this. I believe in the best of you, and I know you will follow that.” Ritsuko both loved and hated her for that.

It also didn’t help that she had the memory of Shinji and Asuka’s prophecy-spouting demon-child laying out her greatest sins and grisly demise. She’d tried one last time to curry Gendo’s favor by betraying the child and setting her up, but that had failed both in intention and execution. The child had survived–no thanks to Kaji–and Gendo hadn’t even so much as glanced at Ristuko. He didn’t remember now, but before the mind-wipe he didn’t bother to thank her for her efforts. He didn’t care.

He shoots you when he’s finished with you.

“My god,” Ristuko said. “I really have turned into my mother.”

Misato wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“Sometimes I wonder if the Commander has surrounded himself with people with childhood trauma because that’s just the sad state of the world we live in, or if he did it on purpose because it makes us easier for him to control.”

“Ristuko, what are you…?” This conversation was definitely not going the way that Misato had anticipated.

“My mother knew that she was being used,” she said. “Used and discarded. Honestly, I think she enjoyed it.”

Her ‘best friend in the world’ didn’t have an answer for that one. Ritsuko smirked. She grabbed a file off her desk and handed it to Misato.

“That’s the Fourth,” she said. “According to the ‘Marduk Institute’.” She snorted at the organization’s name. “Unit 03 is scheduled for an activation test next week. It’s going to go wrong. The pilot will be trapped inside of it when it’s taken over by an Angel. Shinji will either have to fight and kill it, or lose everything he loves.”

Misato stared at the profile report in her hands. She didn’t want to believe a word of this. She looked back at Ritsuko. The woman was staring at nothing with a cruel, twisted little smile on her face.

“Why?”

“So that the Commander can get a live field test of the dummy plug system,” she said. “He knows how his son will react. He’ll refuse to fight. The boy is–” She stopped herself, remembering the sting of Misato’s slap the last time she denigrated one of her ‘precious pilots.’

“Sentimental,” she finished.

Misato still caught the implication behind the doctor’s words, and she felt a stab of shame in her heart for thinking that, deep down, she agreed with them, once.

“He’s not weak,” she said. He didn’t want to fight, true. Rei did as she was ordered to a fault. Asuka had been training for this her entire life, but she was a born fighter. Misato had her own and as far as she was concerned very damn good reasons for doing all of this. But, Shinji was different from all of them.

“He doesn’t want to fight and kill,” she said. “That doesn’t make him weak.” But, he did it anyway. To Misato, that made him stronger than any of them.

Ritsuko turned around in her chair so that Misato didn’t see her roll her eyes. God forbid anyone criticise her precious little boy. Well, not little at all for his age, she added with a dirty smirk.

Misato asked, “What is going on in this place, Ritsuko?”

“It’s all being orchestrated by the Commander, and some very powerful people above him” she said. “It’s all part of their precious ‘scenario.’ Don’t ask me what the point of all of it is. He’s never shared that much with me.”

“And you’re just going along with all of this? This whole time, you’ve been doing everything he asked? Why?”

“Because,” she said, “he’d just find someone else to do it. What’s the point in fighting it?”

“You can stop it!” Misato didn’t understand her at all. “Cancel the test! Pick a different pilot! Drop the fuckign Unit into the ocean! Do something!”

Ritsuko leaned back in her chair and stared at her computer monitor while waiting for her to finish.

Misato was shaking with rage. “Coward.” She stood up and slapped the file back down on Ritsuko’s desk. “Coward!” She screamed at her, but the woman didn’t so much as glance in her direction.

Misato stormed off. If Ritsuko knew all of this, and refused to do anything about it, then she’d do it, herself. She didn’t have to do it alone, though. She waited until she found a quiet spot in the building, and pulled out her phone.

“Kaji, it’s me. You remember what we talked about at the wedding? Yeah, I have some more thoughts on that, if you know a place. Great. I’ll see you at six.”

***

Shinji sat on the school rooftop with his back against the fence. He hadn’t said anything for five minutes. Five long, agonizing minutes where it felt like the entire world had just shifted out from under him. He felt like he was going to throw up.

Asuka didn’t seem to believe a word of it, at first. “You’re siblings?” She’d asked before Rei started her story.

Technically, yes, Rei answered. She wasn’t born from the woman, though. She was grown in a lab at NERV. She was created in Yui Ikari’s image, three years after the woman’s death. She’d been trained and conditioned to pilot the Evangelions. No one else knew, except for Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, and Dr. Akagi.

“So, you were right all along, Asuka,” she said. “I wasn’t born. I was made. I am just a doll. A stupid, broken, worthless doll.” The words came out in a blubbering voice. She began sobbing. She didn’t know what to do with herself.

Asuka didn’t know what to do with herself, either, but she knew what someone should be doing. She gently kicked Shinji to wake him from his stupor, scowled at him, and gestured to Rei. The message was clear: Get up and do something, you dummy!

Shinji stood up, and without thinking he walked over to Rei and wrapped his arms around her. She slowly, tentatively hugged him back, and they were both crying, now.

Asuka felt a momentary pang of jealousy, and then felt silly and stupid for it. They were siblings. She could see it, now. She wondered why she hadn’t before. It must have been why they made her skin so pale and her eyes red, so that no one would recognize the woman in whose image she’d been created.

Shinji had told her recently that he couldn’t remember his mother’s face. There were no photos or videos of the woman. It was like she’d been erased from existence. Asuka thought that was odd–the woman she’d been taught was ‘the mother of the Evangelions’ didn’t deserve to have her image wiped from history like that.

Now she understood why. It was all so they could keep their secret, let Rei feel like she was nothing more than a science experiment, and let Shinji think he was completely without a family.

Asuka felt that warm, familiar fire rise up within her. She didn’t know exactly how to feel about Rei, right now, but she knew exactly what she was going to do to Akagi the next time she saw her. She owed Rei that much.

They stayed like that for several minutes, with Shinji whispering to Rei that it would be all right. They were family, now, and he was happy to have her in his life. Rei tried to apologize for keeping it a secret, but he stopped her. He didn’t care about that. It wasn’t a secret anymore, anyway.

They only let go of each other because Rei’s stomach growled louder than it ever had before.

“Excuse me.” She blushed and wiped her eyes. It was the most adorably human expression her fellow pilots had ever seen her make.

They walked back to class to finish their lunch properly, Asuka’s amorous plans sadly put off for now. Hikari noticed that both Shinji and Rei had been crying.

“Auska,” she said, “you didn’t beat both of them up, did you?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. It’s…” It wasn’t her secret to tell. “Just pilot stuff.”

Shinji looked around as he pulled his and Asuka’s lunches out. “Hey, where’s Toji?”

“Dunno,” Kensuke said. “He got pulled to the principal’s office while you guys were gone. So, what happened? You guys have a secret pilots-only love triangle or something?”

Now Shinji wished Asuka would hit him. “That’s disgusting! I’d never…”

He remembered the first time he’d gone to Rei’s apartment. He looked down at his right hand, and then at Rei. He screamed.

***

“I’m home!” Misato had managed to slip away from HQ early enough to catch the kids at home. She found Shinji at the kitchen table, staring at nothing.

“I can’t stay long,” she said. “I’m meeting Kaji in an hour.” She pulled a beer from the fridge. “Woah. Are you okay?”

“Hm?” He roused himself from his daze. “Oh, hey.”

“You look beat.” She sat down and sipped her beer. “You and Asuka get into a lover’s quarrel?”

“No, nothing like that,” he said. Getting into a fight with Asuka these days just turned her on. Her temper had its benefits, sometimes. “She went to get her nails done with Rei.”

“Oh, that’s good. Maybe she’ll finally take it easy on your ba–wait, what?” She sat straight up when she finally realized what he’d said. “Asuka is out with Rei?”

He nodded casually. He took the opportunity to work up his nerve while she was stunned silent. Rei had told him that Misato didn’t know, but he had to ask for himself.

“Misato, did you know that Rei is my sister?”

***

Misato walked to her meet-up with Kaji in a stunned silence. She took public transportation instead of her car, at Kaji’s suggestion. Anyone following her, like Section 2, would have a tougher time. She was so lost in her thoughts of the day, with one shocking revelation after another, that she almost missed the place entirely.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me?”

She gave the man at the front desk Kaji’s name, and he told her the room number without looking up from his newspaper. She found it on her own, knocked, and opened it to Kaji’s smiling face. The room was small, and dimly lit, with a pizza and a six-pack of beer on the table in the middle. A tv screen on the far wall scrolled the lyrics of whatever song Kaji had put on.

“A karaoke booth? Really?”

He locked the door behind her after she walked in. She noticed him discreetly putting away a gun.

“Why not? Soundproof, its own mic system, and completely private.”

“I haven’t been in one of these since… well, since college.” She sat down on the couch and cracked open a beer.

“Ah.” He smiled and sat down beside her. “I remember that.”

“We didn’t do much singing,” she said, feeling a warmth in her chest that wasn’t coming from the beer.

“You were still pretty loud, the way I remember it.”

She elbowed him in the ribs.

“Don’t get your hopes up for a repeat.”

He rubbed his side and leaned back. “Alright, what did you want to talk about, then?”

She took another long gulp of her beer before she told him everything that Ritsuko, and then Shinji, had revealed to her.

When she was finished, he whistled low. “Sounds like you’ve had a busy day, then.”

She traded her empty can for another one. “I don’t know what to do. You have any idea who these higher ups that Ristuko mentioned are?”

“The Committee for Human Instrumentality,” he said. “UN appointees, but really they’re just there to make sure NERV does as it's told. They don’t trust the Commander, but they need him, and that cuts both ways.”

“And this ‘scenario’ of theirs?”

“That one I’m still trying to figure out,” he said. “Whatever it is, it’s NERV’s endgame. She give you anymore?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop them from bringing Unit 03 here, and if everything Ritsuko said is true, then what the hell have I been doing all this time? NERV is supposed to fight the Angels, not manipulate them for the Commander’s sick experiments.”

“Have you told Shinji?”

“I was gonna try,” she said. “But he’s still reeling from everything with Rei.”

“So, Ayanami is his genetic sister. I knew there was something… off about the girl, but that?” He finished his beer. “Even I didn’t have a clue about that.”

“It gets weirder. Asuka took her to the nail salon.”

“Really? Are we sure that she’s not the clone?”

Misato laughed and playfully slapped his leg. “That was mean.”

“So, it sounds like Shinji’s being a positive influence on her, then.”

“They’re a good influence on each other.” She stopped herself from what she was about to say, next. It hit a little too close to her own heart, right now.

It’s Gendo! It’s always him!

What does he do that makes all of you hate him so much?

“I still need to figure out what I’m going to do about Unit 03. I can’t just call it off, or the Commander will get suspicious. If he fired me, I’d lose Shinji and Asuka. I wouldn’t be able to keep them safe. And I can’t put Shinji in a position to fight his best friend. I just…”

“Well, there’s plenty you can do in your position as Operations Director to meddle. And it’s your duty to keep the pilots prepared and aware of potential dangers.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Do you have access to Unit 03’s technical specs?”

End Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 3

Thanks to Kensuke’s snooping, the news that Toji Suzahara had been selected to be the newest Evangelion pilot spread through the school like wildfire. Shinji and Asuka had already known by then–Misato told them about it over breakfast.

“That stupid ape?”

“You’re only telling us now?”

“I only found out about it myself yesterday,” Misato said. “You two are the first to know outside of the command staff.”

That seemed to calm Shinji, but Asuka was still unhappy.

“And after everything that happened with Rei, yesterday,” she continued, “I thought you had enough to worry about. His first synch test is this afternoon, if you want to be there.”

Shinji nodded, and admitted to himself that Misato had a point. He was still reeling a little from the revelation that Rei was his half-sister.

“No thanks,” Asuka said. “Hikari and I are going to help Rei with some shopping and cleaning after school. Have you seen her place? It’s awful! I didn’t think anyone could be a bigger slob than you.”

Misato pursed her lips. “I see. You’re getting awfully chummy with Rei awfully fast there, Asuka. Could it be a guilty conscience for the way you’ve been treating her for all these months?”

Asuka stammered. “I-I just hate seeing a fellow pilot forced to live in squalor, that’s all! I think for all of our efforts we deserve better.”

“Ahuh.”

The truth was that Asuka did feel bad about it, after everything Rei told them about how the Commander treated her. But, she only revealed that to Shinji. He knew Asuka well enough to know that even if she couldn’t actually say the words she could show someone that she was sorry. It’s just how she was. That meant taking Rei shopping and getting their nails done.

His back was very grateful that she’d gotten her nails done.

Toji was the only thing anyone could talk about when they got to school, though the boy was sitting by himself with a look on his face that suggested he didn’t feel like speaking to anyone at the moment.

“Hey, Shinji!” Kensuke ran up to him before he could even sit down. “You hear the news about Toji?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Misato told us this morning.” He had to take a step back from the invasion of his personal space.

“Geez, nerd,” Asuka growled. “Let the man have some space before you start going all fanboy on us.”

“Sorry, it’s just…” Kensuke shook his head. “Look at him! He’s getting everything I ever dreamed about, and he’s acting like it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t even wanna talk about it!”

Shinji was about to explain why he didn’t blame Toji one bit, when Rei appeared behind Kensuke.

“Aida.” Her low, cold voice made the boy stiffen. “Do you have my money?”

He slowly turned around. “U-Uh, yeah, Ayanami. I'll get it for you.” He bowed to her and quickly scurried away.

“Wow, I’m impressed,” Asuka said. “You had that boy fearing for his life without even having to hit him.”

Rei gave her the tiniest of smiles. “It’s important to cultivate an air of mystique.”

They walked to their seats while discussing what Rei planned to spend her winnings on. Shinji stood there, staring at Toji. He’d never seen his friend so quiet before. He wasn’t sure if he should say something to him about it or not.

His indecision was resolved for him when Asuka grabbed him by the arm, dragged him across the room, and then shoved him towards his friend. He stumbled to a halt at Toji’s desk.

“Um, hey, Toji.”

Toji blinked and looked up at Shinji. “Oh, hey, Ikari.”

“I heard that you’re going to be one of us, now, huh?”

Toji grunted and shrugged. “I guess so.”

Shinji fidgeted awkwardly. This wasn’t going well. “Misato told us you have your first synch-test today. You mind if I tag along?”

“Sure. It’d be cool to have a friend there. Show me around, I guess.”

“Cool.” Shinji sat down.

Rei and Asuka watched the entire disappointing interaction.

“Is this how boys always talk to each other?” Rei asked.

“Afraid so,” Asuka said. “And they whine when you tell them how immature they are.”

Maybe those two getting along isn’t such a good idea after all, Shinji thought.

***

The school day passed in a blur for the anxious teenagers. True to her word, Asuka and Hikari took Rei shopping while Shinji accompanied Toji to NERV HQ. They walked with the girls all the way to the train station, where their paths split.

“Don’t be late,” Asuka said as she gave Shinji a goodbye kiss. “You know how cranky I get when I’m hungry.”

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I won’t keep you waiting.”

Toji, who had ignored their romantic little asides for most of the day, rolled his eyes and groaned in disgust.

“Come on! It’s like watching my parents or something.”

Asuka curled her lip at him. “You could stand to take a few pointers from Shinji on how to treat a woman.”

“Asuka!” Hikari muttered through clenched teeth.

“Pft. Yeah, right. Not likely with how badly you’ve got this guy whipped.”

Shinji frowned. “Hey!”

“I can measure up to any real man!”

Asuka smirked. “Believe me, monkey boy, you don’t measure up to Shinji where it counts.”

She flipped her hair back, turned and walked away, leaving Toji without a comeback and everyone else blushing. Hikari followed abashedly, and Rei waved before leaving.

Asuka waited until they were all on the train heading downtown before she pumped her fist in celebration.

“Damn, that felt good!”

Toji and Shinji waited for their train at the platform.

After several minutes, Toji asked, “So, you two–?”

“I’m not going to talk about that,” Shinji said.

On the train, the three girls sat together, and Hikari asked in a timid voice, “So, you and Shinji have really…?”

“Yep.”

Rei raised a curious eyebrow. “Asuka and Shinji have really what?”

“Well, um…” Hikari leaned over and whispered into Rei’s ear. The pale girl’s red eyes widened.

“I don’t wish to discuss this topic anymore.” She could accept that Asuka and Shinji were in a physical relationship, but there were some mental images she deeply wished to avoid.

Hikari couldn’t contain her curiosity. “Since when?”

“Since I walked out on that loser you set me up on that blind date with. I guess I should be thanking you. Me going on that date shook loose something in that idiot’s head and pushed him to finally do something.”

Hikari stared at the floor in stunned silence. Rei suddenly felt nauseous.

“Oh, no.”

Hikari asked her, “What’s wrong, Ayanami.”

“I just realized… The showers at headquarters.”

“What?”

“And the janitor’s closet at school.”

“Asuka!”

“H-Hey!” She finally displayed some sense of modesty. “You’re making us sound like we’re sex-crazed maniacs!”

Hikari turned her infamous “Class Rep” stare on Auska. “Where did you two go during lunch today?”

Asuka leaned back from the smaller girl. “Um… Oh, hey! This is our stop!” She leapt out of her seat and made a break for the exit. “Come on, slowpokes!”

***

The trip to NERV was far less eventful for Shinji and Toji. Toji was impressed seeing the GeoFront for the first time, but the novelty quickly faded. Shinji got them in with his ID card, and explained to Toji that he would be given one soon as well, along with a NERV provided phone.

“We never have any clue when an Angel is going to appear,” Shinji said, mostly just to fill the air. The emptiness of the HQ’s atriums and hallways was a constant sense of desolation for him. “So they need to reach us immediately.”

Toji looked around at the inside of the great, black pyramid. “Why is this place so huge when it feels so empty?”

“I’ve never gotten anyone to tell me,” Shinji said.

The click of heels drew their attention, and Ristuko approached them.

“Welcome to NERV, Mr. Suzahara.”

He bowed. “Ma’am.”

“This is Dr. Akagi,” Shinji said. “She does pretty much all of the science stuff around here.”

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes on Shinji. “You’re not scheduled for a synch test today, Ikari. What brings you here?”

“I’m just here to support my friend, ma’am,” he said coolly.

She thought, When did this little shit start to develop a spine?

“He’s here on my orders, Ritsuko.” Misato joined them. “Thanks again for showing Toji around, Shinji. Hey there, Toji.”

“Miss Katsuragi.” He bowed again.

“Oh, you don’t have to be so formal. You’re going to be working with me now after all. You can call me Misato.”

“T-Thanks, Misato.” Toji failed at trying to not be awkward while addressing the woman so casually.

Shinji saw a flash of irritation pass across Dr. Akagi’s face when Misato backed him up. What’s the matter, Doctor? Shinji thought. Harder to pick on a grown woman than victimizing a fourteen year old girl? He was doing his best to mask his disdain for the woman after everything Rei had told him. He never thought that it would be so hard.

Dr. Akagi led them through the NERV corridors while explaining the drier aspects of Eva piloting to Toji. “If you have any questions,” she said, “I’m sure that your fellow pilot can answer them for you.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Doctor, please. I’m not your mother.”

Awfully snappy today, Doctor. Guilty conscience weighing on you? Shinji doubted the woman even had a conscience.

“Shinji,” Misato said sweetly, “how about you show Toji to the locker rooms? His new plugsuit is waiting for him, and I know how much trouble you guys have putting those things on for the first few times.”

“Sure,” Shinji said, grateful for the excuse to be out of Akagi’s presence. “Come on, Toj. It’s easy to get lost around here.”

Toji waited until they were out of the women' s presence before asking, “Dude, what’s up with Dr. Akagi? She’s kinda hot, but really scary.”

“You’ve got no idea,” Shinji muttered, He was glad that Toji didn’t ask for an explanation.

When they reached the locker room, Toji was shocked to find that only a thin curtain separated the genders. “Wait, so all three of you change in here? Man, no wonder you took a run at Soryu.”

A little over a month ago, Shinji would have argued against the very idea. But then, things changed. He still wasn’t sure what, but something was just different between them. They both felt differently. There was a connection there that he didn’t completely understand, but he was quite comfortable with not understanding it, and just accepting what had come into his life.

“You ever catch a peek at Ayanami, too?”

The good feelings came to an abrupt halt.

“I wouldn’t go peeking if I were you,” Shinji said. “Not unless you want to be on the receiving end of one of Asuka’s roundhouse kicks.”

Toji chuckled nervously. “Yeah. I guess you would know, right?” Then he noticed Shinji’s serious expression. “What’s up?”

“Toji,” he said. “Don’t do it. Don’t be a pilot.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve seen what it does to me. Why would you want to do something that hurts so much? Look, I’m just trying to protect you, and–”

“It’s not about you, man!” Toji suddenly shoved Shinji back against the lockers. “God damn it, do you really think you’re the center of the world or something? That this has anything to do with you?” He sat down on the bench. “I’m doing this for my sister,” he said. “They promised her better treatment. She’ll get fully recovered. They guaranteed it.”

Shinji sat down next to his friend, and struggled to fight off the guilty ache in his chest. Toji was right. He was being selfish, again.

“I didn’t know,” he said.

“Yeah. Well,” Toji shrugged. “It’s not like I told you. But it’s hard, man. You know? I saw what it does to you. I know what I’m getting into. I’m not doing this blind. But… I figure, if you’re doing this for all of us, all the time, and not asking a thing for it? The least I can do is use it to help my sister.”

Shinji stared at his best friend. And he was his best friend, even though Shinji had been too much of a jerk to appreciate it, sometimes.

“So,” Shinji said, “are you telling me… I’m like, your hero?”

He smiled. Toji smiled back at him, laughed, and punched his arm.

“Fuck you!”

“No thanks,” Shinji said. “You’re not as pretty as Asuka.”

Toji leaned his head back. “Hey, I know I’ve given you a hard time about her, but she makes you happy. Everyone can tell. I’m glad you have that, man.”

Shinji smiled. “Thanks.” Toji was right. She really did make him happy. He hadn’t even thought that it was possible for a long time. There were nights that he’d cried himself to sleep thinking he would never know what that was like. Now, he slept more soundly than he ever had.

“All right, enough sappy, girl talk crap. Show me this stupid plug suit thing.”

Shinji directed Toji to the locker that already read “Suzahara, T.” He waited outside the locker rooms while Toji changed.

“Aw, man! Why do they have to make these things so tight?” Toji staggered out in his suit. It looked identical to Shinji’s, but the chest piece was dark gray instead of white.

“It’s so the LCL has better contact with your skin,” Shinji said. He helped Toji adjust his A10 connectors on his head. “There. Should be good, now.”

“I hope so. Man, no wonder you hate piloting. This thing really rides up on ya.”

Shinji had to laugh. “Yeah. That really is the worst part.”

***

“I hate this,” Rei said.

After three stores, Asuka had forced Rei to try on at least thirty different outfits, only a quarter of which the blue-haired girl approved of.

“Yeah,” Hikari agreed. “I still think that red just isn’t your color.”

The outfit that Asuka had inflicted on Rei was completely red. It was also wildly inappropriate for a fourteen year old girl.

“Ugh,” Asuka grunted. What Rei and Hikari knew about fashion could fit in a thimble, and she’d told them so, but this time Rei was in the right. “Okay, take it off. We’ll try again with something different.”

They waited while Rei changed, and then moved on to the next store. Asuka suggested that they should bring the boys along, next time.

“We could use some good pack mules,” she said, which made Hikari and Rei giggle.

Rei giggling. It was still weird for Asuka to see it, but also uplifting in a strange way. Now that she knew the cause of the girl’s cold demeanor, she took genuine delight in seeing Rei come out of her shell.

At the next boutique, Asuka found a racy dress that she had to show off to Hikari. She held it up against herself and asked, “What do you think? Stupid Shinji would just die if he saw me in this, wouldn’t he?”

Hikari blushed at it and turned her head. “Geez, Asuka!”

Asuka cackled and put the dress back. Then, she noticed that Rei was looking at her in a peculiar manner. “What’s up, Wondergirl?”

“Why do you talk about Shinji like that?”

“Like what?” She pretended to not know what she was talking about while continuing to browse through the rack of dresses.

“You call him idiot, and stupid. You say that you care about him, but you refer to him in terms meant to hurt him.”

Asuka’s shoulders sank. She’d really hoped that Rei’s emotional awareness wouldn’t develop this quickly. “I… I don’t mean it that way,” she said awkwardly. “I do care about him. I care about him so much sometimes… it hurts. But when I say those things to him, I’m only teasing. I just want him to pay attention to me so badly sometimes, and sometimes it’s the only way I can get him to listen.”

Asuka stopped herself, and realized that she was having a heart-to-heart talk with Rei Ayanami of all people. A little over a month ago she would have rather killed herself, but now it felt like the most natural and right thing to do.

Besides, if I don’t keep him in line, who will? Especially when he’s being an idiot.

Asuka blinked and flinched. It happened again!

“Asuka?” Rei’s hand was on her arm, helping her stay steady on her feet. “Are you all right? You look like something… happened to you just now.”

“It’s nothing,” Asuka said. “Just… I’m probably just thirsty, that’s all. We should get some sodas after this.”

“Asuka.” Rei had lowered her voice to a near whisper. “Are you… does it feel like you’re trying to remember things? Things that didn’t happen, but you feel like they did?”

Asuka felt a chill run up her spine. She’d shared this with Shinji–he was having these little ‘episodes’, too, whatever they were. Voices that were familiar, but she was certain she’d never heard them before, kept sneaking into her mind. It was like there was something buried deep inside herself, and every now and then the shovel of her brain hit paydirt.

“Rei,” she said, her voice filled with slightly more fear than she desired to reveal, “what the hell is happening?”

“I… don’t know,” she said. “Any other time, I would ask Dr. Agaki, but…”

She didn’t have to finish. Approaching Akagi about this was definitely not an option.

“It’s happening to Shinji, too,” Asuka said. “Memories of something that didn’t happen, but it still feels like it did. Strange voices in the middle of conversations. A face you can’t quite remember.”

It was crazy to say these things. It sounded crazy to her! But when Rei squeezed her arm, she could feel the girl’s desperation.

“Yes,” Rei said.

“Come over for dinner tonight,” Asuka tried to sound casual as Hikari came back over to them. “We’ll talk about it, then.”

Rei gave a conspiratorial nod, and then smiled as best she could when Hikari asked what they thought of the hat she was wearing.

***

Shinji stood off to the side in the control room that overlooked the synch-test chamber. Three mock entry plugs sat halfway in a pool of LCL that could, in an emergency, be flushed out into the GeoFront’s lake. That had been one of the most uncomfortable nights of the Evangelion pilots’ lives.

Now, Toji sat in one of them, concentrating for the better part of the last half hour. Misato and Dr. Akagi stood behind the main control panel and watched the results stream on a monitor.

The only indication Shinji had received that things were okay was when Dr. Akagi announced that Toji’s synch ratios were “acceptable.” Whatever that meant.

He’d tried his best to coach Toji a little before the test began, but the truth was that words meant very little when it came to Eva synching. It was about opening yourself up to the Eva, and whatever consciousness resided within. Shinji had done it almost instinctually the first time he climbed into Unit 01. Cross-synching with a different Eva was… strange, and uncomfortable.

So far, Toji seemed fine. He wasn’t experiencing any negative feedback, his synch ratio was a little low, but steady, which was more important than the top numbers despite what Asuka insisted. Getting it over the starting line was an effort in itself. Shinji knew that the Evas were living creatures. No matter what, they deserved some level of respect because of that. Moreso because they were weapons–things made to kill.

His phone buzzed. It was a text message from Asuka.

“Make something vegan tonight. Rei’s coming over. We’re gonna talk about that thing that happened that time.”

He put his phone away. It was happening to Rei, too? What was going on? At first he thought it might just be something happening to him and Asuka because… well, he didn’t really have a clue, aside from the Evas.

“Okay, Toji, good first start,” Misato said. “Come on out and get cleaned off, and I’ll give ya a ride home.”

The ride was a quiet one, aside from Toji complaining about the LCL.

“Feel like it’s still in my lungs.” He beat his chest and coughed.

“You’ll get used to it,” Shinji said. “Did you… feel anything in there?”

“Nah,” Toji shrugged. “Not really. Why? Can you?”

“Sort of,” Shinji said. “There’s a… presence in the Evas. It’s faint, but it… it knows you’re there.”

Misato raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard you talk about it like that.”

Shinji chuckled nervously. “Yeah, it’s… a pilot thing, I guess.”

“Maybe I’ll find out when I’m in the real thing, then,” Toji said.

“We’ll see,” Misato said, but something in her voice made Shinji curious.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, and Misato was surprised to see Rei at their apartment.

“We spent half the afternoon cleaning her place.” Asuka dramatically flopped onto the living room floor. “Seriously, what a dump.”

“Like the floor of your bedroom is any better,” Misato said.

Asuka lifted her head to glare at her. “I don’t have to take that from someone who sleeps on garbage!”

Rei asked Shinji, “Are they always like this?”

“Only when there’s nothing to throw. That reminds me, keep the sharp objects out of Asuka’s reach.”

Asuka bemoaned, “You see what I have to put up with, Rei?”

“Yes,” she said. “I can imagine that living here would be exhausting.”

Misato laughed. “Oh my god! Rei, you can make jokes, now? Oh, wait, sorry, that sounded mean, didn’t it?”

Rei shook her head. “It’s fine, Major. Yes, I am working on my sense of humor.”

“Oh, please, Rei, we’re not at work. Besides, you’re family now. You can call me Misato.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Misato.”

With that, Misato went to shower and change. Asuka whined about being hungry, and Shinji agreed to start on dinner. They would have the opportunity to talk later, after Misato had gone to sleep.

***

“That was earlier than expected,” Shinji said as he closed Misato’s door. He had to guide her to her room after she had passed out on the living room floor.

Rei asked, “Does she always drink so heavily?”

“Most of the time,” Asuka grumbled. “What a lush.”

Shinji sat with them, and an awkward silence settled over them. No one wanted to be the first to say it. It was going to sound crazy. Rei took a deep breath, and took the first step.

“Sometimes,” she said, “I see a girl’s face. I hear her voice, speaking to me. It’s only for a moment, but I feel like I recognize her. She looks… almost like me, but she’s not, and she’s…”

“Tall,” Asuka said. “Like an albino giraffe.”

Rei nodded.

“Okay,” Shinji said. “That’s freaky.” He cringed when they both scowled at him. “I-I haven’t seen anything like that, but…” He took a deep breath to calm himself and focus. “There’s a boy, sometimes. He… looks a lot like you, Asuka.”

“Does he say anything?”

“He’s… talking. Giving me advice.”

“About?” Asuka used her ‘get to the point’ voice.

“Um, does it matter?”

“Shinji…”

“Okay, okay. He’s… giving me advice about how to… handle you.” He could tell her temper was rising. “Not like that! Just… telling me I had the confidence to kiss you. That first time.”

She blushed and a hand unconsciously went to her lips. It explained a lot about that first kiss, when he just grabbed her and went for it. She’d slapped him for it, but he stood his ground. After that, well…

Asuka stood up and began pacing. “I see a girl sometimes. She gives me advice on you, too. And she looks like you in a dress.” She stopped and tilted her head. “Which, now that I think about it…”

Shinji frowned. “Why are you always trying to put me in girls’ clothes?”

“It’s your slender frame,” Rei said.

A devilish smile crossed Asuka’s face. “And it would be easier too–”

“Please don’t,” Rei said. “I’ve heard far too much about your sex life with my brother today.”

Asuka chuckled darkly. They were both so squeamish. “Okay, so the way I look at it, there’s three possibilities. One, Shinji and I need to have a very long conversation about some things. Two, we’re all going crazy. Three, something happened to us, and we can’t remember it because it’s been blocked from our conscious minds.” She started pacing again.

“It’s definitely not number one,” Shinji said.

“I don’t know,” Asuka said. “Imagining each other gender-flipped is intriguing on its own.”

“I thought you agreed to stop that,” Rei said.

“We’re all exhibiting the same symptoms,” Asuka continued, “so I’m not ruling out number two.”

“I’d think we’d know if we were going crazy,” Shinji said. He wisely held his tongue when he had the thought that Asuka was crazy since the day they met. Hot, but still crazy.

She shook her head. “That’s not how mental illness works. You think you’re fine. It’s everyone else who has the problem.” She stopped in her tracks as she remembered a red door.

“Asuka?”

“It’s nothing.” She shook her head.

“So then it is most likely number three,” Rei said. “We have a shared experience that has been blocked in our minds.”

Asuka nodded. “But, who did it, and why?”

“And,” Shinji added, “are we the only ones?”

A chill settled over the three of them. “I wish you hadn’t said that,” Asuka said.

“So do I.”

“This might be unrelated,” Rei said. “But, when I was trapped inside of the Angel, I… saw something.” She had their attention. She couldn’t tell them about Lilith. Not yet. But she could still tell them about one thing. “I saw our mother.”

Shinji sat straight. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “She said that we’re family, and that you need Asuka and I to help you avoid making your father’s mistakes.”

“Sounds like hypoxia,” Asuka said. “Still, good advice.”

Shinji asked, “What did she look like?”

Rei placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “You have her eyes. Gentle eyes.”

Shinji reached over and grabbed her in a hug. He’d moved so suddenly that it took Rei a moment to return it.

“Thank you, Rei,” he said into her shoulder.

“Any time, Big Brother.” She looked up, and nearly gasped.

Shinji let go of her. “What?” He turned to Asuka. Her eyes were tearing up. “Asuka, are you crying?”

“What? No! You’re crying!” She wiped her eyes on the palm of her hand. “Shut up!” She took a deep breath. “Okay, so we all agree that something else happened and we’re not just hallucinating. Great. What can we do about it?”

“If we record these events when they happen,” Rei said, “we might be able to begin piecing it together.”

Asuka snapped her fingers. “Good thinking, Wondergirl.”

They spent the rest of the evening writing everything that they could remember about their ‘visions’, and agreed to record them as soon as possible whenever they happened. It was late when they’d finished.

“You know, you can stay here tonight, if you want.” The invitation was almost shocking coming from Asuka. “Shinji doesn’t really use his bed anymore.”

Rei smiled and nodded. “I would like that.”

“Come on, I’ll lend you something to sleep in.” They walked down the hall to Asuka’s room.

Rei asked, “The sheets are clean, aren’t they?”

Shinji stood up and went to the bathroom mirror. Her eyes. At least now he knew that he had something of hers. Big Brother. He never thought he’d enjoy hearing those words so much. Maybe for the first time in his life he didn’t feel alone.

***

They agreed not to do anything that night, for Rei’s sake. Shinji assumed that was the reason Asuka was tossing and turning so much and keeping him awake.

Finally, he sat up, and asked, “Asuka, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she mumbled. “I’m fine.” She rolled her back to him. “I can feel you staring at me.” She huffed. “Fine. I’m… I’m glad you have Rei. I really am. I know how alone you used to feel. And I’m glad that she could tell you that about your mother. It just… got me thinking about my own mother.”

Shinji knew that Asuka’s mother was a sensitive topic. The handful of times she’d come up before, Asuka steered the conversation away or stopped talking altogether. So now, he just waited patiently and quietly.

“There was an accident,” she said. “I was never told the details, but it broke her mind. She went crazy. She didn’t even recognize me. She carried around a… a doll that she thought was me.”

Now her spite and disdain for Rei’s emotionless behavior made perfect sense.

“When I got selected to be an Eva pilot, I was so happy. I thought that if she heard it, she would come back to me.” Her voice was growing weaker, and she was trembling. Shinji slowly and gently put his hand on her shoulder.

“I went to her room, and found her… she… I found her hanging there…” Her words came out between sobs.

Shinji immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. For the first time since he’d met her, for the first time since that day, Asuka cried. He wasn’t sure for how long she cried, but he said nothing the entire time. He knew how much just seeing her like this would hurt her pride, and he wouldn’t dare to add on to that.

When she finally finished, she’d seemed to calm down a little. “That’s why you can’t leave me,” she said. “You can never leave. It’ll kill me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Asuka,” he said. “I swear. You have me, all of me. And Rei will help, too. We’re here for you.”

She gripped his hand like she would never let it go. “I can’t believe I let you see me like this. So weak.”

“Asuka.” He sat up and looked down at her. She turned to look up at him. “You’re not weak for mourning her. You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known.”

He kissed her, and then spent the rest of the night holding her. She slept easily after that.

***

Unit 03’s first official activation was scheduled for two days later. Misato quietly had the Eva transferred from NERV’s Matsushiro facility to the main headquarters. She expected the Commander to be furious, but to her surprise Gendo said nothing about it. Did anything affect the man?

Misato was speaking with Hyuga about the logistics when Ritsuko walked up to her on the command deck.

“What the hell is this?” She held up a piece of paper.

Misato excused herself and stepped over to Ristuko. “Something the matter, Doctor?”

“Don’t be a smart-ass with me,” Ritsuko snapped. “First, you move Unit 03 here, and now you’re usurping my authority as head of Project E.”

“I’m not usurping anything,” Misato said. “I’m acting completely within my rights as Director of Operations. We’ve had too many things go wrong with Eva activations in the past. I’ve ordered a remote activation, first. Just to be safe.”

Ristuko frowned. “Those aren’t the Commander’s orders.”

“I don’t give a damn about the Commander’s orders,” Misato said a little too happily. “It’s my pilot, my call.”

Ritsuko stepped in close and lowered her voice. “You’re playing a dangerous game, Misato. Please, for your own sake, listen when a friend is trying to warn you.”

“A real friend,” Misato said, “would help me try to keep these kids safe, not offer them up as a sacrifice.”

“I am helping them,” Ristuko said. “By doing what I’m told.”

“If you believe that, then you’re completely lost.”

Ritsuko had nothing to say to that. Misato stepped away from her and addressed the rest of the command deck crew.

“All right, people, it’s time. Maya, are you all set in the testing room?”

The woman appeared on the comms screen. “Yes, Major. Pilot Suzahara is in the test entry plug awaiting synch-activation.”

“All right. All other pilots remain on standby. If something goes wrong, you’ll have to step in. Ready?”

Three young faces appeared on the screen.

“Ready.”

“Roger.”

“Get on with it, already!”

“Okay,” Misato said. “Activate Unit 03.”

The activation began normally as the technicians cleared the Eva’s bay. Unit 03 just stood there, silently, while Toji tried to connect his mind to it. For just a moment, Misato let herself think that maybe Ritsuko’s warning was nothing more than a sign her friend needed a vacation.

“Activation successful. Pilot synchronization rising,” Maya said from the testing room.

“Oh, no,” Hyuga whispered, then called out, “Major! Pattern blue contact! It’s the Eva!”

“Toji? Toji, can you read me?”

The comm could only provide audio, but Toji’s scream sent a chill through Misato.

“Maya! Cut his connection!”

“On it, Major!”

The monitor showed the black giant, Unit 03, attempting to free itself from its restraints.

Misato shouted, “Launch Unit 03 from the bay. Get that thing the hell out of here!”

It was launched up to the surface as quickly as she gave the order.

“What’s Suzahara’s status?”

“Unconcious, but alive,” Maya said.

Misato felt an immense wave of relief. “Thank god. All right, all remaining units, launch! Kill that damn thing!”

***

Gendo was surrounded by a ring of twelve black monoliths in his office.

“What happened, Ikari?”

“We demand answers!”

“This was not in accordance with the scenario.”

Gendo maintained his usual pose, hiding his face behind his steepled hands, and his usual cool exterior.

“The angel was defeated,” Gendo said. “We even saved valuable resources, such as Unit 03 and its pilot.”

“But this is not in the Dead Sea Scrolls!”

“The scrolls aren’t so specific,” he countered. “What matters is that the Angel’s soul has been returned to Adam, and that he continues to grow in strength.”

Number 01, the Chairman, leaned forward so that his face was just barely visible.

“Proceed, Ikari. But, remember, we are watching.”

The monoliths faded, and the lights in his office came back on to reveal Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki standing behind him.

“The Chairman has been surprisingly lenient, of late.”

“Hmm. I noticed that,” Gendo said.

“Should I reprimand the Major for countermanding your orders?”

“No,” Gendo said after some thought. “We can’t have the rank and file thinking that they’re being punished for succeeding, and she performed well when the Angel revealed itself.”

“As did your son,” Fuyutsuki noted.

Gendo ignored it. “Was Dr. Akagi involved?”

“I don’t believe so, in fact they had a rather public argument just before Unit 03’s activation.”

“Yet Major Katsuragi’s insubordination proved to be prudent, if not prescient. Watch her. If she does anything like this again, detain her.”

“Yes, sir.”

***

Toji Suzahara awoke to find a strange ceiling overhead.

“Toji! You’re awake!”

He lifted his head to find himself surrounded by his fellow pilots. Shinji and Ayanami sat next to him, while Asuka leaned back against the far wall with her arms folded.

Ayanami asked, “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a truck,” he said. His throat was dry and sore. “What happened?”

“An Angel infected your Eva during the activation,” Shinji said. “You blacked out.”

“They can do that? Damn. Glad I wasn’t inside the thing.”

“You are indeed fortunate,” Ayanami said. “Dr. Akagi told us that there was no physical harm, but they will keep you here overnight, to ensure that the Angel did not contaminate your mind.”

Toji sat up at that. “Aw, crap. They can do that, too? Why doesn’t anyone tell me this stuff?”

“Relax, monkey boy,” Asuka said. “You’re probably fine. It’s not like there’s a lot up there for the Angel to scramble, anyway.”

“It’s good to see you too, Red Devil,” he said. “Who got the kill shot?”

“That honor went to Asuka, this time,” Ayanami said. “She ripped Unit 03’s arms off.”

Toji then noticed that Rei’s arm was in a sling. “What happened there?”

“It attempted to infect Unit 00’s arm. I allowed it to be removed to prevent that.”

He winced. “That had to hurt.”

“It’s only physical pain,” she said. “Nothing is actually damaged. It will heal.”

“Hm. Wish I could be as calm about it as you are. So this is what happens when you guys ain’t at school after a fight? You wake up here?”

“Pretty much,” Shinji said.

“What about the Eva? It scrapped or what?”

“Dr. Akagi has yet to determine if it is salvageable,” Ayanami said. “If that is the case, then you will be expected to pilot again.”

Shinji asked, “You… okay with that?”

“Yeah,” Toji said. “After all, I can’t disappoint my hero.”

He and Shinji shared a laugh while the girls stared at them curiously. A nurse walked in and told them that their visiting time was up. They wished Toji well one more time before they left. Toji asked the nurse for some water, and then laid back. He felt lucky. This could have been a lot worse.

***

Ristuko Akagi stood on the gangplank overlooking the remains of Unit 03 floating in LCL. It had sustained significant damage, but nothing that couldn’t be regenerated. If it really was free of the Angel’s contamination, they would have four fully functional Evas.

Maybe the little demon brat had been lying when she laid out the litany of Ritsuko Akagi’s sins. Those sins were weighing on her, now. They’d almost cost a boy his life. But, what if the brat had been wrong? Had they changed something? For the better? What else could they change then, she wondered. Maybe Fate wasn’t as fixed as she’d believed.

Misato walked up beside her, and casually leaned forward on the railing.

“Well, I’m not fired, or killed, yet,” Misato said.

“You got lucky,” Ristuko said. “He’ll be watching you, now. It won’t be so easy next time.”

“I could use some help then, from a friend.”

Ristuko allowed herself a sardonic smirk. “Is that what I still am? A friend?”

“That’s up to you to decide, Ritsuko.”

“You want to fight the future.” She turned to look Misato in the eye. “Okay. Let’s fight it.”

Misato smiled wide. “So, how did you know all of that was going to happen?” They started walking together.

“You wouldn’t believe it,” she said. “I almost don’t, myself.”

“Try me.”

“Okay,” she said. “But I’m going to need at least one drink before I tell you this story.”

End Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 4

Misato threw back a shot, and then asked for another one. Ritsuko had just finished telling her a story that she would never have believed before today.

“My daughter,” she said.

“Yes,” Ristuko said. She herself was already three drinks in. It had taken that much to tell Misato the truth. Not all of it, but enough.

“My daughter with Kaji?”

“Yes,” Ristuko repeated.

She downed her second shot. “She was here. I met her. And I can’t even remember it?”

“Correct.”

“Why?”

Ritsuko threw back a shot of her own. They were in a sparsely populated bar as far from NERV HQ as they could get. It stank like wet cigars, the floor was sticky, and the drinks sucked, but it was quiet, and safe enough for their conversation.
“I’m assuming that the little demon-spawn of Shinji and Asuka used some sort of future device to wipe everyone’s short term memory. She was definitely smart enough to erase their digital tracks. I couldn’t find any record of them left. I thought I was going insane for weeks.”

“But, why can you remember?”

“It’s just a guess,” she said, “but I probably had a hand in creating the device. If I did, then naturally I would build in a safeguard for myself.”

Misato snorted. “Yeah, that is something you would do.” She sipped on her saki. “So, because of this, you knew what was going to happen to Toji?”

“I’ve known what the Commander was planning for a while,” Ritsuko said, “but, yes, I wasn’t aware of the consequences until Miya Ikari told me what I would do.” She took a large drink from the cocktail in her hands. “I could have crippled that boy for life.”

She felt pressure on her free hand. She looked down to find Misato gently squeezing it.

“But you didn’t, Rits,” she said.

It was a small comfort, but comfort nonetheless.

“So,” Misato asked, “you learn anything else? Like… when the next Angel attack might be?”

“I’m not sure,” she said. “It was mostly a tirade about the horrible things I’d done. Will do. In just a few weeks, an Angel will break Asuka’s mind. There’s more, but… that's the most dire threat, right now.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Misato said. “It would kill Shinji.”

“I know you’re going to try.”

“Try? We just did it, Rits! You saw it yourself! We saved Toji from his fate. We can save the rest, too.” She downed a beer that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “But, if we did change things, then does that change our future kids’ future? Or present, or whatever?”

“I honestly don’t know,” she answered with a sigh. “Maybe we have changed things for them. Maybe our actions have created an alternate universe. I just know that having this knowledge scares the hell out of me. If the Commander ever found out…”

Her voice drifted off, but Misato understood.

“You really think he’d kill you?”

He doesn’t love you. When’s finished with you, he shoots you.

“I know he will.”

“Oh, god, Rits…” Misato had never seen that kind of pain in her friend’s eyes. “Come with me to see Kaji. Tell him everything. You can leave out the weird time travel stuff. Just tell him everything you know about what the Commander is planning.”

Ritsuko sighed. She knew it would come to this. She had to make this choice.

“Not yet,” she said. “It’s better if we bring him hard evidence, and I’ll need time to get that.”

Misato nodded. “Okay, that makes sense. What do we do in the meantime?”

“We do everything in our power to keep your pilots safe.”

***

“Hey, you guys awake?”

Kensuke slapped his hand on his desk loud enough for Shinji and Toji to jolt awake in their desks. The class was currently doing a group study, and the Eva pilots were struggling to stay awake.

“Sorry, dude,” Toji said. “It’s… been a rough few days.”

Misato had been running the pilots through simulation drills every day that there wasn’t a synch test. Shinji and Asuka said that she’d been more ‘hands-off’ before, trusting her pilots to do their best at all times, but lately it seemed something had changed. They were training almost non-stop for the past three weeks, like they knew an Angel attack was imminent.

“Hmf. Pilot stuff, right?” Kensuke snarled.

“Dude, it’s not my fault you didn’t get picked,” Toji said. “And why would you still want to, anyway? You saw what it does to Shinji.”

Shinji asked, “Can I please be left out of this?” He would really rather just focus on the assignment.

“Because!” Kensuke almost stood up out of his seat. “It’s… it’s… Aw, forget it. You wouldn’t understand.”

Shinji frowned. Kensuke had always been a bit of a loner, even amongst the rest of their group of friends. But, lately, he was being excluded in ways that couldn’t be helped. He didn’t seem to understand just how busy and hectic their schedule really was. Nor did he seem to appreciate the incredible danger they were regularly thrust into, even though he’d experienced it once himself.

“Even the girls are tired,” Toji said, nodding across the room to the group where Asuka and Rei had clustered with Hikari. They looked just as worn down and ragged.

“Well, Asuka makes sense,” Kensuke said. “Shinji probably has her up all night.”

“I told you, I’m not gonna talk about it,” Shinji said. His adamant refusal to divulge the details of his sex life to his two best friends had increasingly become what was an irritant at first but now felt like an actual invasion of his privacy, which he had very little of to begin with.

“Ah, come on, man,” Toji said. “We’re your guys. You can tell us. I’d tell you if something like that happened to us.”

Kensuke and Shinji narrowed their eyes on him.

“Who’s ‘us’?”

“N-No one. Nuthin’! Really!” Toji blushed. He looked across the room and saw Hikari’s head pop up. She had that look. “H-Hikari and I are just… hangin’ out, is all.”

“I knew it!” Kensuke leapt to his feet, which elicited a severe hushing from the class rep. He flinched back down into his seat. “I knew it,” he whispered. “You’ve got a thing for the class rep.”

Toji frowned. “Eh. Busted.”

“Never would have thought you’d go for someone so strict,” Kensuke said. “Heh, it’s not as obvious as Shinji and Asuka.”

Shinji said, “What are you talking about? It took weeks for us to even stand being in the same room as each other, and at least a couple of months before we liked each other.” His friends stared at him. “What?”

“Dude,” Toji said, “the two of you were crazy about each other from the day you met. Everyone could see it. You two idiots were the very last ones to figure it out.”
Shinji hung his head. “Oh, god…” He really was an idiot.

***

Asuka asked Rei, “What do you think those three idiots are talking about over there?” It was obvious that they weren’t bothering with the assignment.

“Right now,” Rei said, “Toji is making excuses for why they’re falling asleep in class.”

“Wait, you can actually hear them?”

Rei smiled. “I have exceptional powers of observation.”

Rei’s developing personality had become a new source of entertainment for Asuka. Now she had two Ikaris to tease. But this development might actually prove useful.

“What are they saying now?”

Rei tilted her head. “Toji and Hikari are hanging out,” she answered.

Asuka turned her attention to Hikari. “What?” She hissed. “You and monkey boy? Traitor!”

Hikari lifted her head and glared at Toji. She sat back down and tried her best to avoid Asuka’s gaze.

“We’re not like you and Shinji,” she fired back.

Asuka grumbled. Ever since Rei ratted them out they hadn’t had a moment alone at school. Hikari made sure that they were observed by someone at all times.

Rei chuckled.

Asuka asked, “What is it?”

“Now they’re just informing Shinji of what everyone else already knew,” she said.

“What? What are you talking about?”

Rei winked at Hikari, who giggled knowingly.

“What?”

Rei excused herself to the bathroom while Asuka tried to bully the joke out of Hikari.

As Rei washed her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror, and realized that she was smiling. Naturally, casually smiling. She felt… happy. That realization led to an even better feeling. Akagi’s drugs were wearing off. She was normal, for the first time in her life. She was hu–

A bolt of pain ripped through her body. She grabbed onto the sink to steady herself. She had no idea where it’d come from. She looked at her reflection again. She was sweating, scared. Another bolt of pain lanced through her head.

She could feel her rising up from inside.

“No, please,” she whispered. “Not yet. Just… just a little bit longer. Please, let me be human for just a little bit more.”

Her heart was pounding in her skull. The pain slowly subsided, and with it, so did she. Lilith. Rei took a moment to compose herself and splash some water on her face before she returned to her classmates.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Shinji, Asuka, and Toji were already in the hallway. She was smiling again. She knew what the ring meant, but she wasn’t afraid.

Because family must stick together.

***

The Angel, Zeruel, tore through the GeoFront before the pilots had even reached their Evas. The limbless torso hovered towards NERV headquarters with a single-mindedness few of its brethren had displayed.

Misato shouted her orders. “Units 01 and 02 launch immediately! Unit 00 is still missing an arm, so Rei, you’re on standby. What’s Unit 03’s status?”

“Unit 03 is cleared,” Ritsuko said. “Pilot Suzahara has successfully completed activation.”

“Okay, Toji. You’re on backup. Assist from long range, and don’t get too close.”

“Fine by me,” he said over the comms.

Unit 03 was in the GeoFront only thirty seconds behind 01 and 02, but Asuka and Shinji had already unloaded an entire clip from their pallet rifles without even scratching the thing. Shinji reloaded his rifle while Asuka went for a rocket launcher.

“Toji, wake up!” Asuka barked at him.

“Uh, right!” Unit 03 grabbed a pallet rifle and started firing. He had only trained in the simulator for a few hours, and this was his first real fight. He followed Shinji’s lead by keeping the Angel occupied with their rifle fire.

“Heads up!” Unit 02 unloaded the rocket launcher. A ball of fire and smoke surrounded the Angel’s face. “Direct hit! Eat that!”

When the smoke cleared, Zeruel was still standing, and still undamaged.

Asuka swore. “I hit that thing! It should be dead!”

What looked like flat sheets hanging from Zeruel’s shoulders unfolded, and stretched out through the air like whips. Units 01 and 02 barely dodged them in time, and watched as they cleanly sliced through several treetops.

“Watch out for those arms,” Misato said.

“Gee,” Asuka replied, “ya think?”

Unit 01 kept his eye on them, and watched them curl back like serpents.

“Asuka! Behind you!”

Unit 02 managed to roll out of the arm’s return path. The two blade-like arms then retracted, slicing through everything they touched.

“We’ve gotta get in close,” Asuka said. “You ready?”

Aoba called out over the comms, “There’s a buildup of energy coming from the Angel! Look out!”

Energy shot from its eyes. Units 01 and 02 scattered as it cut across the ground.

Toji shouted, “You guys okay?” Unit 03 had to dodge a ribbon arm before he could hear their response. “Hey, damn it! I just got these arms!”

Unit 01 got back on its feet, and turned to see a ribbon heading for Unit 02.

“Asuka! Look out!”

Asuka looked up, and saw one of the metal ribbons coming for it. Asuka’s mind went blank. Unit 01 barreled into Unit 02 and shoved it out of the way. The ribbon went cleanly through Unit 01’s head.

“Shinji? Shinji!” Asuka screamed his name, but there was no response.

Blood fountained from Unit 01’s neck, and the Eva collapsed.

“Get me up there,” Rei said. “Unit 00 launch.”

“Shinji answer me!”

“Unit 01 is unresponsive," Maya said. “Pilot status is alive but unconscious.”

Asuka’s world went red. Unit 02 drew its Progressive Knife and charged Zeruel before it would draw back its arms. Its eyes began to glow as it charged up another blast. Unit 02 slammed its knife into its eye, and there was a shower of sparks before the glow died.

Unit 00 had finally caught up, carrying an Eva sized pistol in its right hand. Unit 03 was still armed with its pallet rifle, but had stopped firing.

“Asuka!” Toji called to her. “I can’t get a clear shot!”

“I don’t think she can hear you,” Rei said.

Unit 02 was stabbing Zeruel over and over, and with each strike it was driven back towards an elevator platform.

Misato tried to warn her, “Asuka! If we send you up you lose your umbilical cable! You’ll only be on battery power.”

Asuka’s response was only a scream of blind rage. Zeruel now had several large gashes in its torso, and Asuka’s knife was trying to pierce the dense shell of its core.

“Do it,” Misato ordered.

“Asuka’s synch ratio has reached a record high,” Ristuko said.

Misato asked, “Are you sure that’s a good thing?”

“Right now it’s the only thing keeping any of us alive.”

“I want a recovery team on Unit 01 now!”

***

Up top, Unit 02 was too close for Zeruel to properly defend itself–it couldn’t do much more than flail its arms. It tried to regenerate its face, and Unit 02 smashed its forehead into it.

Misato looked at the countdown timer on Unit 02’s internal battery. “Asuka! Just finish it!”

Unit 02’s knife cracked again and again against the shell of Zeruel’s core. Her rage hadn’t subsided. She would kill this thing!

Unit 02’s battery timer reached zero, just as its knife shattered.

“No! Move! Damn it!” Asuka pulled the control yokes. Unit 02 had gone quiet. She couldn’t even see out of her viewscreen.

She didn’t see Zeruel’s wounds regenerating. It rose up, and the crack in its face sealed. The light in its eyes glowed brightly, and blasted Unit 02 directly in the chest.

Asuka couldn’t feel her connection to her Eva, but she fell with it, banging around the entry plug as Unit 02 crashed to the ground.

Misato shouted for Units 00 and 03 to get up there. The bridge crew could only stare in horror as Zeruel hovered over Unit 02’s prone form. Its chest plate had been burned away, revealing its own core.

“You tried to kill Shinji.” Asuka could feel tears on her face, but she was beyond caring. “You tried to take him from me, and you’re going to die for that.” She screamed at her Eva, “Get up!”

***

Four green eyes lit up as Zeruel charged its weapon. Unit 02’s hand shot out, grabbed Zeruel’s face, and crushed it.

“Unit 02 has reactivated!” Maya cried out in shock. “I don’t believe it! Asuka’s synch ratio is rising.”

Ristuko watched it climb, and covered her hand with her mouth. “Oh, god.”

Misato asked, “What is it? Is something wrong with Asuka?”

Her answer was a roar as Unit 02’s faceplate cracked open and revealed a mouth full of human-like teeth.

“Asuka’s synch ratio is at four hundred percent,” Ristuko said. “The Eva’s gone berserk.”

Unit 02 bit down on the Angel, and tore a chunk of its flesh out with its teeth. They thought they could hear the Angel screaming. Unit 02 began to tear the Angel apart with its hands and teeth. It grunted and snarled like an animal.

Units 00 and 03 had made it to the top in time to see Unit 02 reactivate, but stopped in their tracks as the grisly scene unfolded.

“What the hell?” Toji was shaking with fear. “Asuka? Asuka, what are you doing?”

“It’s not Asuka,” Rei said. “Unit 02 is awake.”

No one could do anything as Unit 02 ate its fill of the Angel’s flesh, and swallowed its core.

***

Shinji muttered, “A-Asuka. Look…”

Ugly fluorescent lighting pierced his eyes. He winced, and slowly opened them to that not-so-unfamiliar ceiling.

“Hey, he’s awake!”

“Shinji!”

He felt someone throw themselves on him, and held him tight. He could see nothing but a mop of blue hair.

“Rei.” He smiled and weakly hugged her. Someone tall and dark leaned into his field of vision. “Toji?”

“Yeah, man,” he said.

“What happened?”

“You got your head cut off. I mean, Unit 01’s head.”

“My head?” He slowly rubbed his throat. That must be why it was so hard to talk. He remembered pushing Asuka’s Unit 02 out of the way of the Angel’s ribbon arm, and then…

“Asuka!”

Rei lifted herself off of him as he slowly sat up and realized that she wasn’t there.

“Where’s Asuka?”

Neither of his friends could look at him. The blood drained from Toji’s face, and Rei was… fidgeting. Rei never fidgeted.

Shinji felt a panic rising in his chest. “Rei, where is Asuka?”

“Still inside Unit 02,” she said in a small voice.

“Why?” He looked back and forth between the both of them, not understanding any of this. “What’s she doing there?”

“She can’t get out.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He threw his legs out of bed. “Where’s Misato?”

“With Dr. Akagi,” Toji said, “still trying to figure all this out. Dude, what are you doing?”

Shinji stood up, and had to catch himself before he fell. His legs felt shaky and weak.

“Shinji, please!” Rei took his arm and tried to get him back into the hospital bed. “You can’t push yourself.”

“Rei,” Toji said plaintively.

She looked at Shinji’s face, and knew that he would keep trying anyway. She sighed.

“I’ll get your clothes.”

***

Toji helped him walk to Unit 02’s cage. His strength was slowly coming back with each step, but he still had to lean on the railing of the gangplank when they reached it. The Eva’s massive head was covered in bandages. Three of its strange eyes stared down at them from between the bloodstained wrappings, and a mouth full of human teeth was set in a rictus grin. Maintenance crews dove in and out of the tank of LCL it stood in, working to repair and reattach pieces of its armor. Misato and Ritsuko were standing there, talking, when the three pilots arrived.

Misato grabbed Shinji in a tight hug the moment she saw him. She started to apologize, but that wasn’t what he cared about right then.

“I just want to know what’s going on,” he said.

Risuko answered, “Asuka achieved a four hundred percent synchronization ratio, something that up until this point was only theoretically possible. In that moment, she became one with her Eva, and it took control. It… succumbed to its baser instincts.”

Shinji looked around at everyone else’s expression when she said that, and decided that he didn’t want to know what that meant.

“Now,” Ristuko said, “our problem is that we don’t know how to separate them.”

“You don’t know? What do you mean, you don’t know?” His voice rose with each word. “You have all this and you don’t know! You’re supposed to be the smartest person here, and you don’t know!”

He leaned on the railing and looked at Unit 02. “Give her back!” He screamed. “Give her back, damn it!” No one could bear to look at him. His voice was full of raw pain. He felt like something had been torn out of him. “Give her back! You can’t have her!”
Finally, what little strength there was in his legs gave out, and he sank to the metal floor, weeping. “Give her back, please.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I need her.”

Rei knelt beside him and held him, weeping for her brother and her friend.

***

Gendo Ikari watched his son’s breakdown on a monitor in his office. Fuyutsuki stood beside him, also watching. Gendo looked as unmoved by the scene as ever.

“This was less than ideal,” Fuyutsuki said.

“Not at all,” Gendo said. “Now, Shinji has become one of us. We have the perfect instrument.”

“So, was it worth it to sacrifice a pilot?”

Gendo didn’t answer that. He was too focused on what was playing out before him. Fuyutsuki finally showed the slightest glimmer of a reaction when Rei knelt beside his son and held him.

“But this,” Gendo said, “is… less than ideal.”

***

Misato and Ristuko were alone in the Pribnow box overlooking Unit 02. Shinji hadn’t moved from his place on the gangplank. He leaned against Rei, who stroked his hair, while Toji had left to get them something to eat.

“What the ever-loving fuck, Rits!” Misato was pacing. “What are these things, really? I mean, is Asuka still alive?”

“Yes.” Ritsuko leaned against the back wall and smoked a cigarette. She was on her third pack that day. “Asuka’s brainwave patterns are detectable, still distinct from Unit 02’s. She’s in there, she just can’t disentangle herself from the Eva.” She snuffed out the cigarette as it reached its end, and lit another one.

“To answer your first question,” she said, “You already know that the Evangelions are cybernetic humanoids. But, they’re more than that. In order for an Eva pilot to synchronize with their Eva, the Eva itself requires a soul.”

Misato stopped pacing. “Are you saying that NERV created–?”

Ritsuko shook her head. “No. That’s still impossible. But, the Evas do have souls.”

Misato felt like her friend was hinting at something deeply unsettling. “Ristuko, has this happened before with the Evas?”

Ritsuko took a long drag on her cigarette. “Twice, during the first Contact Experiments with Units 01 and 02. Yui Ikari, and Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu.”

The world moved underneath Misato’s feet. She steadied herself on a control console, but she still felt like she was going to be sick.

“All this time,” she said, her voice dropping to a dark octave, “you’re telling me that all this time Shinji and Asuka were synching with the souls of their own mothers? Jesus, that is sick, Ritsuko.”

“It wasn’t my doing,” she said. “It was Yui Ikari’s. She was the ‘mother of the Evangelions.’ She created all of this, not me. I’m just picking up the pieces of her mess.”

Misato took a deep breath and tried to get her bearings. “So, Asuka is alive, and trapped in Unit 02 with her mother’s soul. Will that give her any sort of protection?”

“Possibly,” Ristuko said. “The few times that the Evas have acted on their own, it’s always been in response to their pilots’ distress.”

Misato remembered when Unit 01 moved on its own to protect Shinji. Yui Ikari was a very scary woman.

“Okay. Tell me, honestly, can you get her out?”

Ritsuko took a deep breath of actual air. “LCL is a conduit of the quantum patterns that make up what we would call a soul. It can transfer those patterns from one physical form to another, which is how Asuka was absorbed into Unit 02. The why had everything to do with her mental state at the time. You saw how she was going berserk before it absorbed her. The possibility of Shinji’s death was enough to drive Asuka into a rage that made her the ultimate killing force. It’s entirely possible that the only way we will get her out is if she can let go of that.”

That was depressing for Misato to hear. Asuka was driven, true, but she could be incredibly single-minded. When she chose to lean into a strong emotion, be it rage, or love, in this case both, she would stick with it until the end.

A dark realization settled on Misato’s mind. “Rits. Who is in Units 00 and 03?”

“I honestly don’t know who or what is in Unit 03. There are some things Gendo just won’t share with me. Unit 00 contains a fragment of Rei’s own soul.”

Misato lowered her head into her hands, briefly. “I’ve got to get these kids out of this place,” she said.

“Ikari will never allow that.”

“Then what do we do?”

“Stick to the original plan. I will get you the hard evidence you and Kaji need.” She snubbed out her second cigarette. “But first, I’m going to save Asuka. It’s the least I owe to Miya.”

Right, Misato thought. Miya. Shinji and Asuka’s hyper-intelligent daughter from the future. Though, Ristuko usually referred to her as “the demon-spawn.” Misato almost wished that the kid was here, right now. Her big brain could probably be a lot of help, and even if it couldn’t, she would at least give Shinji some hope.

***

“Asuka. Asuka!” A woman called her voice with a giggle. “Come to me, Asuka.”

“Mama?”

She wasn’t sure where she was. There was light coming in through a window. She was laying on her belly on a soft rug. She couldn’t move very well, but she felt so safe and warm, and happy. She looked up and saw her mother’s smiling face above her.

“That’s right, Asuka. Come to Mama.”

She was smiling so brightly. It made Asuka feel warmer than the sunlight ever could. She wanted to go to her Mama, but she was struggling. Her arms and legs were too weak, too stubby.

“I know you can do it,” her mother said.

Seagulls. Crashing waves. A beach. She stumbled along holding her mother’s hand. The wind was chilly because the sun was getting low. The ocean spray stung her face, and she wiped it off with a clumsy hand.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Her mother picked her up into her arms and carried her along the beach. “My sweet little angel baby.”

Her mother smiled at her, and she smiled back. Her mother’s hair was dark, so dark, like the oncoming night sky. Her mother’s two crystal blue eyes turned to four, and then turned green.

“Die with me,” he mother said, and plunged her into the cold sea waters.

Asuka opened her mouth to scream, but water rushed in to silence her. She thrashed and struggled, but her mother’s grip was too strong. She tried to beg her to stop. Please, Mama. Please, don’t kill me!

Asuka opened her eyes with a gasp. There was no beach, no ocean. She was laying naked in a filthy tub. The water was the color of blood. She bolted upright and climbed out. She was in a bombed out hovel of a house that she didn’t recognize. Her arms were sore. She looked down and saw the cuts on them that were still bleeding.

A horrified scream echoed from her throat. Calm down, Asuka, she told herself. This isn’t real. It can’t be real. This is just a nightmare, that’s it. It’s probably another one of Dr. Akagi’s twisted experiments. The doctor probably sedated them during a synch test just to see how their nightmares would affect their synch ratios.

A red light fell across the room from behind her. She turned around and saw the door, that door, beckoning, and her mother’s voice calling to her.

“Asuka. Asuka, my sweet girl. Come. Die with me.”

Asuka screamed, shut her eyes and crouched down. No, damn it. No! This was not real. This was not real.

“Asuka, don’t listen to her.” Her mother’s voice, strong and nurturing, came through to her. She lifted her head and looked around, but didn’t see her anywhere in this ruin.

“Mama?” She called out. “Mama, I’m right here. Help me, please!”

“Follow my voice, Asuka,” she said. “Follow it.”

She turned towards the origin of the voice, and saw a metal doorway to her left. She immediately rushed towards it, and barreled through.

It was a hospital room. It looked like one of the NERV HQ rooms, but it was dark. She turned around, and saw herself, laying on a hospital bed. Her shirt had been torn open to expose her bare chest. She moved towards her prone body, and saw blank, hollow eyes staring at nothing.

A click came from behind her. She turned and saw Shinji.

“Oh, thank god,” she said. “Shinji!” She rushed towards him, but he passed right through her. She turned around, confused, and watched him stand over the bed. What was he doing?

“Asuka… Asuka…” His voice was panting heavily.

“No.” She shook her head. “No! Shinji… my Shinji would do something like this. Stop it. Stop it!”

But he wouldn’t. She tried to open the door, but the lock wouldn’t budge for her. She shut her eyes, but could still hear his every gasp and moan. Finally, it ended, and he lifted his stained hand.

“I’m the lowest.”

Asuka screamed. “No!” The scene blasted away before her scream, tearing into a million little fragments that scattered into an invisible wind.

***

Shinji awoke with a start. He thought he’d heard Asuka’s voice, but when he looked around he was still sitting in Unit 02’s cage. The engineering and science crews, who seemed to be working non-stop around him, had done their best to pretend he wasn’t there.

Toji had brought him a sandwich earlier, which he only ate because Rei insisted. At some point someone had wrapped a blanket around him. He looked around at all of the people who were working so hard to bring her back. The activity hadn’t ended since he walked in. They were working around the clock for Asuka’s sake. All he did was sit here and cry.

He found that he finally had the strength to stand. He walked up to Unit 02’s hideously deformed visage, and leaned forward on the gangplank rail. He had to do something. Anything.

Why won’t you just do something?

Her words, but this time he knew exactly where they came from. That night on the balcony.

“I…,” he started. He felt foolish even trying, but at least it was trying something. “I don’t know if you can hear me in there. Dr. Akagi says your brain is still active, and separate from your Eva, but who can trust her word, anymore? I don’t, but right now I have to. It’s… it’s the only way I’ll be able to see you again. So, I don’t know what good it will do, but I’m going to stay here and talk and hope you’ll hear me. I hope it’ll be enough to help you find your way out of whatever… wherever you are.”

He wasn’t sure how long he was there. It was at least several hours, but he was so tired that it could have been several days, and he just talked. Every single thought in his head came out of his mouth no matter how inconsequential. He talked about all of the video game releases that she was missing. He described what the technicians around him were doing. He talked about the weakness in his legs, and what it felt like to have his head cut off. For the first time in his life, Shinji Ikari didn’t care what anyone else thought about what he was doing, because he was only doing it for one person.

At some point he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw Toji standing next to him. His friend had a stack of comic books in his hands.

“Why don’t you go and rest?” Toji tilted his head. “I’ll take over for a while.”

“What?” Shinji genuinely didn’t understand what he was saying for a moment. “I… I can’t. I promised her that…”

“Hey,” Toji said, “you ain’t gonna be able to keep anything if you drop dead from standing here. Let someone else take a shift. Ayanami’s got the next one after me, so that should give you enough time to sleep, and shower. You stink, man.”

Shinji chuckled. He tilted his head and saw Rei waiting for him down the gangplank. He just had to ask Toji, “What are you going to talk to her about?”

“I figured I’d read to her,” he said, hefting his stack of books. “If that doesn’t annoy her enough to come out of there just to yell at me, then nothing will.”

Shinji didn’t know if he was still dreaming or not, but at that moment he felt incredibly lucky to have these people around him. Rei took him by the hand and led him to the pilot barracks where he could get some rest.

As he was walking away he heard Toji saying, “Okay, Soryu. Prepare to have your mind blown, if it hasn’t been already. So, in this one…”

***

They took eight hour shifts, one on and two off. Toji read comics, sports scores, even the weather forecast. When he ran out of everyday things that he was probably bringing from home, he started going through their school textbooks.

“If you can wrap your head around this stuff,” he said, “then I shouldn’t have any trouble at all.” He was trying to goad her. He could imagine her reactions. Maybe she’d come out if he pissed her off enough just to shut him up.

Shinji talked. He talked about… everything. Every thought that came into his head. He rambled on for hours, even though his throat was still healing. He talked about school, even though he hadn’t left the GeoFront for a second since he woke up. He talked about how much he missed her. He talked about the conversations Rei and he had when she wasn’t around. He talked about his dreams. He talked about how bad the cafeteria food was. Occasionally the things he said were a little too intimate for the repair crews and science teams working around him, but he was beyond caring what any of them thought.

And when he ran out of things to talk about, he just stood there, staring at Unit 02, his face as set as stone.

“I’ve started listening to music,” Rei said at the start of her shift. “I never cared about it before. Shinji gave me that tape player he always carries around. It was…” She took a deep breath. How do you describe hearing music for the first time, after ignoring it for your entire life?

“I felt like my heart was dancing,” she said. “Like I was flying to the moon and the stars. I almost didn’t want to come back down to Earth.” She felt a piece of herself ache.

“You have to come back,” she said. “He needs you. I can’t hold him up on my own. He’ll turn into his father, and then everything we love about him really will die. So, I hope this helps you find your way back.”

She nodded up to the Pribnow box, and inside Maya piped the music from Shinji’s tape over the loudspeakers. It was soft and light, and a little sad at times. Everyone paused from their work for a moment when it started. It felt almost wrong to interrupt it, but eventually they went back to work.

Rei said little during her other shifts. She brought in a new cassette, cd, even a vinyl record once, every single day. She would tell Asuka what she liked about it, or what she didn’t. Most of the time she just sat there and listened.

***

Misato was quietly in awe of those kids. She dropped in to watch them whenever she could. Two weeks in, and not a single one of them had skipped any time in their vigil. Toji and Rei made sure that Shinji wasn’t alone when it wasn’t his turn. No one had to ask them to do it. They’d just seemed to have quietly agreed between each other that it would be a bad idea to leave Shinji alone right now.

She agreed. Shinji was still talking and moving around, but there was something off about it. Whatever that spark was that Asuka had brought out of him was dimming. He slept and ate little. The only thing he could get eager about was his next shift with Unit 02. It was the only thing keeping him going right now. Misato knew that he wouldn’t stop until he either saw her again, or there was no hope left.

Ritsuko worked around the clock. She only slept once every couple of days, and even then only when Maya forced her to. She’d ignored several requests from the Commander on updates. The other Evangelions’ repairs were being slowed down as resources were shifted to separating Asuka from Unit 02.

She asked, “Where are these kids finding all of these books and records?”

“We have a library,” Misato said. She’d dropped off sandwiches and coffee from the cafeteria. Ritsuko thanked her. “They go there off-shift. It’s probably the only place here where they can actually be by themselves.”

None of the cleaning staff had been in the work room where Ritsuko’s science team had set up to solve the problem, and it showed. Papers were scattered all over the table, alongside ashtrays piled with cigarette butts, stacks of empty coffee cups, and a wastebasket that was overflowing with emptied chip bags and sandwich wrappers. No one had thrown anything out–the only time someone tried, Ritsuko screamed at them, threw a cup of coffee at their head, and chased them out. The cleaning staff refused to go anywhere near her after that. Her office was in even worse shape.

“Any luck?”

“We’re going to try something today,” Ritsuko said. “Don’t get your hopes up, it’s just a test to see if we’re even heading in the right direction.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“Then we try the next thing.”

***

It was Toji’s shift, so Rei and Shinji ate together in the cafeteria. Shinji was too polite to tell her if he was getting tired of their company. Even if he was, they’d silently made it clear that they weren’t going to give him a choice in the matter. The long hours of sitting and waiting left them with little appetite, but they forced themselves to eat, anyway. The last time they skipped a meal they’d gotten a lecture from Misato.

“Mind if I join you?” Kaji appeared next to them. He frequently checked in on them, but didn’t ask patronizing questions that he already knew the answer to. So, they agreed to his company.

He sat down with them and ate quietly. Kaji only spoke if he genuinely had something to say, or in response to a question. He otherwise respected their silence.

He was about to say something when several members of Gendo’s personal administrative team, the faceless ghosts who kept the place running when he wasn’t micro-managing it himself, informed Rei that the Commander required her presence.

She looked at Shinji, uneasy about leaving him alone.

“Go on,” Kaji said. “I’ve got your boy.”

Rei silently stood and followed them.

Kaji turned to Shinji. “Come with me,” he said. “There’s something I want to show you.”

***

Rei knew this had been coming. She was just surprised that he’d taken this long to summon her. She’d dropped the act weeks ago, and even Akagi knew that she’d stopped taking her medications. Why did he wait? Was it because he wanted her to comfort his son? No, more likely it simply wasn’t relevant in his eyes until now.

The administrative team stopped outside of the door into Gendo’s main office. Rei could feel their trepidation from standing too close to it. She smirked at their cowardice, and walked in.

Gendo was alone at his desk, his hands clasped. Rei came to a halt at the customary halfway point, and stood there patiently and silently. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of speaking first.

“Rei, what do you think you are doing?”

Hiding a statement in a question. How tedious.

“Currently answering your summons, Commander.” She was attempting to hide the disdain in her voice, and doing a poor job of it.

“Dr. Akagi says you haven’t been taking your medicine.”

Rei suppressed a shudder of disgust. There was something disturbingly patriarchal about his tone. Most people wouldn’t be able to hear it, but Rei wasn’t most people.

“Why have you stopped?”

“Because…” She supposed that there was no sense in denying any of it. “Because I no longer wish to be your doll.”

“You’re not a doll, Rei. You are an integral part of our plan. But you must–”

“Your plan,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s your plan,” she said. She felt a defiance rising within her. It wasn’t because of what he’d done to Shinji, and indirectly to Asuka, though that certainly helped motivate her. She realized that she wanted this for herself. She wanted to be free of this man.
“It is no one’s plan but your own. No one is a willing participant,” she said. “You engineered me. You manipulate Fuyutsuki and Akagi by playing on their hopes. You isolated your son, and now torture him to remake him in your image. Even the men who think they’re your masters don’t know your true goal. Only I do, and I no longer want any part of it.”

She took a breath. She didn’t think she had it in herself to say the words, but she did it!

“You can’t,” Gendo said. “And you won’t. As you said, you are my creation, and you will not walk away from me.”

“Yes, I can. We both know you won’t stop me. You won’t dare to hurt me.”

She could sense his growing agitation.

“I don’t have to. You know perfectly well what lengths I am willing to go to. Do you really think I need Shinji? Suzahara would do just as well, and Soryu’s lost anyway. Any of them will do.”

“You’re bluffing,” she said. “She won’t work for anyone else. She needs him, so you need him.” She didn’t have to explain who she was talking about. Then, she remembered Liilith’s words.

“You live in the past, Gendo,” she said. “I intend to move forward, into the future. Goodbye.”

She turned around to leave.

“Rei. I order you to stop!”

She ignored him, and kept walking. He made no attempt to stop her.

***

“Asuka?”

“Get away from me,” she said. She had no idea where she was, now. She’d shut her eyes and curled up into a ball, and a sensation of weightlessness overtook her. She let herself drift, and felt her body become hard, like a shell. Nothing could get in. Nothing could touch her. Nothing could hurt her. Not her mother, not Shinji, nothing.

“I’m sorry that frightened you, Asuka,” the voice that sounded like her mother said again. “It wasn’t… really me. Or him. I promise. Please, just look at me.”

“I don’t believe you,” she said.

“They were just memories. Fears. The things you’re still carrying inside of you. I promise, they won’t hurt you if you let them go.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s all I have left of her.”

“Asuka, that’s not true. I’m right here. I’ve been right here all this time. In Unit 02.”

She lifted her head in shock and disbelief. That couldn’t be true. It didn’t make any sense. She slowly turned around, and there was her mother. Not the wretched thing huddled in a hospital bed, but her real mother, as she was supposed to be.

She cried out and rushed to her. She wrapped her arms around her and felt her mother’s warmth, joy, and protectiveness. She knew instinctively that she was safe. She buried her face in her mother’s shoulder.

“How?”

“It’s a long story,” she said, “and I have so much to tell you. But, first, there’s something that I want you to see. Something to help wash away that horrible nightmare you just had.”

She physically cringed. There was no way that could have been real.

“It wasn’t,” her mother said. “It was just a fear you have. Some part of you is still afraid that he only sees you as an object for his own gratification. Let me dispel that right now.”

She took her mother’s hand. Suddenly, she felt very small. She was walking with her mother through a long, silver-white corridor. Her Mama was so big, and so smart. Asuka knew that her Mama was very important, and that made her proud. She knew that her mother was the best.

“Yui!”

“Kyoko! You came!”

Her Mama walked up and hugged a pretty lady with big, almond shaped eyes, and short brown hair. She led them into a warm, cozy office with big windows and large, plush chairs. The two women chatted and spoke quickly in Japanese. Asuka concentrated on keeping up with the conversation.

“So, how are things back in Hamburg?”

“Slow,” she said. “We’re never going to catch up at this rate, but the UN inspectors we have are so strict. We’re still a year out from contact.”

“It’s fine,” Yui said. “It’s not a competition, Kyoko. We’re all working together on this, remember?”

Her mother sighed. “Yes, yes. I know. I just hate being behind because of someone else’s fears.” A bump from the other side of the desk drew their attention, and Kyoko leaned over. “Oh! I see you have a little visitor today, as well?”

Yui sighed. “Yes. I had to bring him in with me. We’re in a crunch, and Gendo is so busy with the committee…”

“Please, don’t get me started on those crusty old men,” Kyoko said with a disarming laugh. “Asuka, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

Asuka leaned over and caught a glimpse of short brown hair that quickly ducked back into its hiding place.

“Shinji! Don’t be rude,” Yui said. “Come on out and say hello. Remember I told you we were meeting my old friend today? Well, this is her daughter.”

Yui slowly and gently coaxed a little boy from his hiding place. He was maybe a few months older than Asuka, with dark brown hair and large, dark blue eyes. He kept those eyes pointed at his feet as he shuffled forward.

“Um, h-hi. I’m… S-Shinji.”

Asuka smiled, marched up and held out her hand. “And I am Asuka Langley Soryu. Charmed, right?”

He blinked. At first he seemed confused by her brash gesture, but then he laughed and shook her hand.

“D-Do you wanna play Transformers?” He held up his toy robot.

Asuka turned her nose up at it. “That’s for babies. Do I look like a baby to you?”

“Oh, sorry.” He frowned sadly at his feet again.

Asuka’s Mama cleared her throat and nudged her daughter with her foot. That was her signal that she needed to do better.

“Um…” She looked around, and spotted a sketch pad and some pencils on the coffee table. “We’re gonna draw, instead,” she said authoritatively. She marched over to the table, and looked back to see if he was following her. “Well, come on!”

He yelped and toddled after her. They sat at the low coffee table, a paper and several colored pencils each, and drew while their mothers talked. Asuka occasionally glanced over at Shinji’s just to make sure that her drawing was better.

“Finished!” Shinji held up his picture. It looked like a unicorn on two feet with balloons for arms and legs.

“Oh, that’s wonderful, dear,” Yui said. She and Kyoko clapped.

Asuka growled. “What’s that supposed to be?”

“It’s what my mother and father are making,” he said. “It’s a big robot like a Transformer and it’s gonna fight bad guy aliens!”

She snorted. “What are you, stupid? They’re not Transformers, they’re called Evangelions, and my Mama is making one, too.”

“Yeah, well…” He pouted at his lap. “I bet my mother’s is better.”

Her head snapped up. “Is not!”

“Is too.”

“You take that back, stupid!”

“Asuka!”

“Shinji!”

Their mothers scolded both of them into behaving.

“Great,” Asuka huffed. “Now you got us in trouble, stupid.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Stop apologizing so much,” she said. “Why do you do that?”

“Because I wanna be polite. Anyway, you shouldn’t call people stupid all the time.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s mean. You’re not mean. You’re scary, but you're not mean.”

“Oh. Um, thank you.”

“So, um, what’d you draw?”

She proudly showed him her best picture of a red Evangelion with four green eyes. “This is the one my Mama is making. It’s called Unit 02, and if I get picked, I’m gonna be its pilot!” She jumped to her feet. “I’m gonna fight all the bad guys and kick ‘em off Earth and show them that no one messes with the Great Asuka Langley Soryu!”

“Asuka! What have I told you about climbing on furniture!”

She sat down. “Sorry, Mama.”

“Honestly, can’t keep my eyes off you for a minute…”

Asuka frowned and hung her head, feeling the sting of tears welling up in her eyes. She hated nothing more in the entire world than disappointing her mother. If she had been the best behaved, she wouldn’t have.

“Hey,” Shinji said. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” she muttered.

“I know. But, you don’t have to cry anyway. I think you’re right. I think you’re gonna be picked and you’ll be the best pilot ever.”

Asuka sniffed. “Yeah?” He nodded. “Why’s that?”

“Because… because I think you’re awesome!” He smiled bright and wide at her.

Then Shinji, her Shinji, was sitting next to her on the couch, holding her hand.

She asked, “Why don’t I remember that?” She was herself again, as well.

Her mother sighed. “Because, I went and did something stupid.”

The office, Yui, and Shinji faded into darkness, and Asuka could hear voices. “Contact experiment with Unit 02 counting down…”

“We were meddling with things we didn’t understand,” her mother said. “An Eva needs a soul to truly become a living thing. When Yui disappeared into Unit 01, we thought she’d done something wrong. As it turned out, we were wrong.”

There was screaming in the background. Warning klaxons rang. Someone was screaming for anyone to get her out of there.

“Since the Evas didn’t have a soul, they took them from the most immediate source. Yui managed to integrate fully with Unit 01. I… did not. Half of me was left behind in my original body. She… I… couldn’t understand what had happened, so I broke. But in the end it was you who paid the price for it.”

The red door, a shadow hanging from the ceiling, a scream.

“No!” Asuka buried her face in her hands. “Please, stop!”

She felt her mother’s arms around her again, and her mother apologizing profusely.

“I left you behind for the sake of my own ambition. In my drive to be the best, to be first, I forgot what I was doing it for. That is what I mean when I say I’m sorry for everything.”

A melody reached her ears, then. She realized that it had been building slowly in the background, but she thought it was just some random memory. But it grew louder with each passing second. She turned around and saw Shinji playing his cello in the lounge, on the night of their first kiss.

“And first quite a bit more, young lady,” her mother chided. Asuka blushed. Her mother’s scowl turned to a warm smile. “But, it is a beautiful melody.”

It grew louder until it seemed to echo all around them. Then, Auska realized that this wasn’t the melody he’d been playing that night. This was different. Something she’d never heard before.

“Shinji? Shinji, do you hear me?” She shouted, but he wouldn’t move. “Stupid Shinji, answer me!”

“He can’t,” her mother said. “But, he is calling to you.”

Asuka took a step forward, but then hesitated. Part of her wanted to go, but a deeper, more tender part of her wanted more than anything to stay. She turned and wrapped her arms around her mother and cried.

“I don’t want to leave you again. I don’t want you to leave me. Please!”

Her mother cupped her chin and tilted her head up. “Asuka. My sweet, darling girl. Do you love him?”

Asuka nodded immediately. There was no doubt in her heart. She was holding the only other person she loved as much.

“Then I want you to do two things for me. First, remember that I am here, and I will never leave you.”

“And the other?”

“Live.”

***

It had been thirty days. Ninety shifts. Seven hundred and twenty hours. There was still no activity inside of Unit 02.

Toji stretched. He’d run through just about every book the HQ library had. He didn’t understand most of what was in them, but he read through them anyway, even the math stuff that Soryu would probably get. If she heard him. If she heard any of them.

He turned and saw Shinji coming down the gangplank. Toji felt like there was a stone on his chest when he saw his friend these days. He’d been losing weight, even though he spent half his time right in this spot. It was like he left a little piece of himself here each day. It couldn’t go on like this, but Toji knew that he wouldn’t listen if he tried to tell him. It hadn’t gone well when he tried to talk about it with Rei already. He knew that Misato would rather die than break his heart, and Dr. Akagi, well…

“Hey, Shin-man!” Toji put on his best smile anyway and waved to his friend. Then, he noticed that he was carrying something like a guitar case. “What’s that?”

Shinji greeted him. “I’m going to try something different today. I probably should have thought of it a while ago, to be honest.”

Toji furrowed his brow in confusion. Rei stood just a little bit off, looking as unbothered as ever. Toji knew that something happened between her and Commander Creepy a couple of weeks ago. He overheard some of the technicians talking about it. No one knew the specifics, but whatever it was, it’d been pretty major. Everyone stayed out of Rei’s way, now. She’d basically been given the run of the place.

Shinji looked at Unit 02. “What’s all this?”

The Eva had a massive amount of equipment connected to it. Cables and modules and stuff that Toji didn’t understand a bit of, but he’d at least been told what they intended to do with it.

“They’re gonna try something different today, too,” he said. “But, please don’t ask me to explain it.”

“We’re going to make one last-ditch effort to separate Asuka’s soul from Unit 02,” Ritsuko said.

Toji yelped and jumped back. The doctor had just appeared behind him without warning, and he noticed that she tended to do that a lot.

“Damn, lady! Put a bell on or something, will ya? Geez.”

“Your unobservant nature is not my concern Pilot Suzahara,” she said coolly. She was scarier than Rei. “But, without getting too technical, we know that LCL can facilitate the transfer of souls. It took a massive amount of energy for Unit 02 to absorb Asuka, which we suspect is why it began to consume the Angel.”

Everyone present wished that she hadn’t brought up that memory. Toji still had nightmares, and while he could still synch with Unit 03, part of him would always be on his guard with it. Lately he’d begun to feel a presence during his test synchs. It had been quiet at first, but the more he found that the more he concentrated on it, the stronger the connection became, and so did his synch ratio. But, after seeing what happened with Unit 02, he wasn’t sure that was such a good thing.

“We’re going to try to reverse that process,” Dr. Akagi went on. “A sufficient charge of energy should force Asuka to coalesce from the Eva’s own supply of LCL.”

Shinji had already sat down and was unpacking his cello. Rei stood next to him. Toji decided that his shift wasn’t quite over yet, and stayed to listen. Dr. Akagi shouted some orders to the engineers and science teams, while Shinji warmed up.

A moment later, he began to play.

***

Ristuko went back up to the Pribnow box, where Misato was waiting, and Maya was at a control terminal getting everything ready. Ritsuko stood next to her friend and looked down. The boy actually had some talent–it was a beautiful melody.

“This is our last chance,” she said to Misato. “We have nothing else after this. The Commander has already ordered that we cease allocating resources to it. If it doesn’t work, then we’ll have to remove the entry plug manually and empty out the cockpit.”

She wondered if Misato had heard a word she just said.

“You should tell him to stop,” she said with a little more pleading in her voice than she thought she was capable of. “Misato, please. He’ll grow old and die down there if you let him.”

“I was going to break them up,” she responded. Her voice sounded rough, like she’d been crying. She’d already been informed that this was going to be their last attempt. “Make them stop. Tell them they were too young for all of this. Then, I heard him swear to her that he would never leave her, never let her be alone. And he hasn’t. Not for a moment, even if he’s not sure she’s there. I’ll be damned before I make him break that promise.”

Ritsuko saw the resolve in Misato’s eyes, and gave up. There was no arguing with fools. She ordered Maya to begin.

The melody of Shinji’s music filled the cage, and everyone stopped and listened. No one made a sound. Only the hum of machines and electricity flowing through LCL, trying to coax something, anything out of the damned monster in the center of the room dared to try and drown it out. It failed.

He played for at least thirty minutes. The test was long over by then. There was no reaction. But no one moved until he’d finished. Then, sadly, slowly, they began the manual entry plug removal and draining procedures. Shinji started playing again.

The only sound that rose above it was the sudden banging from inside the entry plug. Everyone froze for a moment, and then there was another series of banging. Then, everyone moved. There was a frenzy of activity as the engineers worked to pull the entry plug out of Unit 02. The banging kept going.

Toji ran ahead of Shinji only to clear the way for him as the technicians swarmed the entry plug. The banging kept going until someone got the entry plug out far enough for the hatch to pop open, and Toji made sure that Shinji was right there to catch Asuka as she flopped out, naked, covered in LCL, but alive.

***

Painfully bright fluorescent lights pried Asuka’s eyelids open, no matter how much she tried to fight them.

“Please, God,” she said, “never let me see this ceiling again.”

“Welcome back,” Rei said.

Asuka tilted her head and smiled. “Hey, Wondergirl.” The nickname held more genuine affection in that moment than ever before. “Where’s my beautiful idiot?”

Rei pointed down. Asuka tilted her head enough to see Shinji sleeping in a chair next to her bed, his head resting against her knee. Toji was passed out on a cot in the far corner. They both looked like they’d been awake for days.

Asuka asked, “How long?”

Rei smiled sadly. “Do you really want to know?” Asuka nodded. “Seven hundred and twenty one hours.”

“Thirty days?” Asuka was shocked. “It felt like…”

“I know,” she said. “Minutes.”

Of course, she knew. She must have gone through the same thing when she was trapped in Leliel. Finally, a secret only the two of them shared.

“You’re home, now,” Rei said. She stood up, and kissed Asuka on the forehead, a gesture that would have been unthinkable to the both of them only a few weeks ago. “Sleep.”

Asuka nodded, and settled back while Rei left the room. She thought about what she had seen and experienced. It was starting to fade, like it had all been a dream, but she struggled to hang on to as much as she could.

“I promise, Mama. I’ll live. For you,” she said. She looked down at Shinji, and gently brushed her hand through his hair. He mumbled and shifted in his sleep, but didn’t leave her, not for a second. She smiled and laid back.

“Transformers. Stupid.”

End Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 5

Rei filled Asuka in on everything that had happened while she was technically “gone.” The shifts, the reading, the music. Asuka felt like she might explode from the warmth in her heart, but she dared not show it. She failed.

“He didn’t leave you alone,” Rei said. “Not for a moment.” She let Asuka cry. Then, when she was finished, she asked, “Who did you see?”

Asuka knew that this was coming, but it didn’t mean she was anymore prepared for it. “My Mama. She’s… in there, Rei. She’s in Unit 02, and I think…”

“Yui Ikari is in Unit 01,” she finished. “Yes. I know.”

Asuka couldn’t believe how calm she could be about all of this. “I thought you were off those meds? Shouldn’t you be… a bit more expressive about all of this?”

“I’ve had a bit more time to process this than you have,” she pointed out, which Asuka had to concede. “Also, while you were gone, I made some declarations of my own.” She told Asuka about what happened between her and Gendo.

Asuka stared at her with wide eyes. “You said that?” Rei nodded. “No wonder you’re so calm.” If she got away with all of that, then there was nothing that could stop her. Asuka grinned. “I guess you’ve finally earned your nickname, Wondergirl.”

Rei smiled–really smiled–at her. “You’re damned right I have.”

Asuka cackled.

“That’s not good,” Shinji said from the doorway. He held a brown paper bag, and Toji followed him in with sodas. “You two getting along means a world of pain for me.”

“Finally you’re getting it, stupid.” Asuka reached up, grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him into a kiss. Toji and Rei respectfully pretended that their attention was directed elsewhere.

The boys had brought lunch from the city, rather than let Asuka suffer cafeteria food that was probably laced with god-knows-what. Misato and Ristuko had both already come to see her. Misato cried to a degree that both endeared Asuka and disgusted her. She would never be able to take Misato seriously as a superior officer after that. Ritsuko was her usual cold, clinical self, and Asuka decided that the time just wasn’t right to give the ‘good doctor’ the beatdown she deserved. Not while they still needed her to keep Rei from turning back into the living doll.

They filled her in on everything else that happened. None of them had left the HQ while she was trapped. Even their classmates didn’t know what happened even though Toji called Hikari every day. Kensuke called Shinji too, but he’d ignored most of the calls and only told his friend what he felt like, which given the circumstances wasn’t much.

“Wait,” Asuka said. “Toji, you can read?”

Toji shook his head. “Glad your back, Red Devil.” Now, the nickname didn’t carry the same bite as it used to.

“Same, monkey boy,” she said.

Shinji asked, “Are you okay to walk?”

“As long as we don’t run into any of these sadistic nurses, I’ll happily walk out of here right now,” she said.

“Good.” He handed her the bag full of her clothes. “I’ve got something to show you.”

He and Toji waited outside for her to change without giving an explanation. She asked Rei what he meant, but the other girl responded with a genuine shrug.

***

“Wow, Ikari. You really know how to show a girl a good time.”

The four of them found themselves standing in the middle of a watermelon patch out in the GeoFront a few minutes later. Rather than retort, Shinji handed Asuka a water can.

“And just what am I supposed to do with this?”

“What?” He laughed. “You’re a genius. You know how to use a water can, don’t you?”

She squinted at him. “Don’t get cheeky with me, Idiot. I know where to really make you squirm.”

Toji and Rei pretended that part of the conversation wasn’t happening and filled up their water cans. Shinji filled Asuka’s for her before filling his own. He explained that Kaji had taken him out here during Asuka’s absence. He taught Shinji how to water them.

Asuka didn’t believe him. “That’s it?”

He nodded, focusing on his watering. “That’s it. He talked. I watered.”

Asuka huffed. “Okay, Third. I’ll water, for now.”

Shinji instructed the rest of them how to properly water them without overfilling. It only took a few minutes.

“Not bad, kids,” a smooth voice said from the porch of the small shack next to the patch.

“Kaji!” Asuka dropped her watering can in the dirt and ran into him at full speed. She grabbed him in a hug that punched straight into his gut.

Kaji hugged her back when he caught his breath. “Hey there, kid. Glad to see you back on your feet.” He nodded to the others, who bowed to greet him. Asuka let him go and punched him in the shoulder. “Ow. What was that for?”

“You didn’t visit me,” she said. “I’ve been in that hospital for a week and didn’t see you once!”

He chuckled and grabbed her fists as she kept trying to land another hit. “Sorry, kid, I was busy. Work stuff. You know how it is?”

She huffed. “Shinji didn’t leave me alone for a second and that’s your best excuse?”

Kaji smiled and snuffed out the cigarette dangling from his lips. “Yeah. Sounds like you traded up, doesn’t it?”

She blushed, and looked back over her shoulder to see the other three pilots smiling at her. She beat her fists against Kaji.

“Ah, shut up!”

He laughed, caught her hands and pulled her into another hug. “I missed you too, Soryu.”

They allowed each other another moment more, just long enough to understand that something had changed. Her girlish crush, however not so innocent as it might have been, had long since passed.

Kaji held her out and took a long look at her. “You happy, kid?”

She smiled, and nodded. She looked over at Shinji. “I am.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

“So, what did you talk to Shinji about while teaching him to water melons?” She stressed the last two words as suggestively as she could.

“Just things men need to talk about sometimes. Isn’t that right, Shinji?”

“Yes, Mr. Kaji,” Shinji said. He leaned over to Rei, and whispered, “If anything happens to me, I’m buried under here.”

She whispered back, “Who do you think is providing the shovels?”

She winked at him, but he genuinely could not tell if she was joking.

They let Asuka and Kaji talk privately for a few more minutes, and then Asuka nodded and stepped off the porch. There was a serious look on her face.

“Kaji said we’re safe here, so, Shinji, come here.” She took his hand as he moved to stand beside her. Rei and Toji walked up. “There’s… secrets here. Things that have been hidden from us.” She looked at Shinji. “And we promised no secrets. So, I’m going to go first, and it’s going to sound crazy. I don’t care. Because then one of you is going to go, and you’re going to sound crazy. So, maybe, if all of us are crazy…”

“Then none of us really are,” Shinji said.

She smiled at him, and shook her head. “Transformers. You idiot.”

“What?”

***

Toji asked himself, “Hey, Toji, how was your day?”

“Oh, great, Toji,” he answered. “I just found out a whole bunch of weird shit about my friends and my job that makes me question my entire existence and the nature of the universe itself.”

“Really? That’s so interesting. Like what?”

“Gee, I don’t know where to start. Rei is actually Shinji’s sister through his dead mom, who is also inside his Eva. Asuka’s dead mom is also inside her Eva. Half of Rei’s soul is inside her Eva. I don’t want to know who’s in mine. The Angels definitely want to kill us all, but so do the people we work for, who are controlled by a crazy apocalypse cult. Gee, did I miss anything?”

“Oh, you forgot that Dr. Akagi, the hot but incredibly scary doctor lady, probably already knows all of this, and is helping her evil boss, who is also Shinji’s dad, in his plan to destroy the world to reunite with his dead wife, Shinji and Rei’s mom.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

“Right. Suddenly, Misato’s drinking problem makes way more sense.”

Shinji definitely did not like it when, only a couple of hours earlier, Toji said, “Dude, it sounds like your mom is the one who wants to destroy the world.”

But Shinji didn’t yell at him. Asuka and Rei did, a lot. Shinji calmed them down.

“He… he might be right,” he said. “My mother created the Evas. She knew what they’re going to be used for, if not by us, then someone else.”

Kaji had watched the whole thing from the porch of his shack while smoking a cigarette. He’d occasionally toss in things to fill in the holes of the story, as best he could, but even he only knew so much, and he couldn’t share everything he knew to keep the pilots safe. Safe from what, he didn’t say, and that was bad enough.

“Ahem,” Asuka said.

“Our mothers created the Evas,” Shinji corrected himself.

“Thank you.”

He said, “To destroy the world.” The look on Asuka’s face was still priceless.

“They also caused Second Impact,” Kaji said. “Not your mothers. The men behind NERV, the Committee. They uncovered the First Angel, Adam, in Antarctica. They woke him up, and in response, he blew up a continent and created the Angels. Fourteen year old Misato Katsuragi was the only survivor.”

None of them knew that. Asuka and Shinji looked especially disturbed. They’d both known her for a while, and she hadn’t told them.

And all of that was before Rei got to the dummy plug system, which made all of them stop and think really hard about how far they wanted to take this. Obviously, Rei hadn’t been… born, in the traditional sense. But, the idea that she had back-up copies, and those could be used to replace pilots made Toji’s skin crawl.

He asked, “Then, why get more pilots? Why not just use them?”

“I don’t know,” Rei said. “I think Gendo was just going along with the Committee’s wishes with the dummy plugs. The opportunity to engage them never appeared. They follow something called the ‘scenario,’ that dictates their actions. Gendo placates them, but he has his own plans.”

“So,” Asuka said, “what are we going to do to stop them?”

Kaji answered, “For now, you kids are going to keep fighting. I know, Asuka, that’s a shit plan. But I’m trying to get hard evidence that will uncover everything. That means for the time being I need you to fight. Everyone needs you to fight. It’s not fair, I know. All four of you have given up so much of your innocence, youth…”

“Sanity,” Asuka muttered.

“Genetic code,” Rei added.

“Hours over a hot stove,” Shinji said, and smiled at Asuka. She smacked his shoulder.

“Family,” Toji said. He didn’t mean to make Shinji feel bad about that, but Toji didn’t miss the look on his face.

But it was the truth. All of them were there because of their family ties to NERV, to pain, to trauma. Even Misato. Toji didn’t doubt for a second that if anyone dug into Dr. Akagi’s past enough they’d find something there, too. The whole place fed off the pain and suffering of the people who built it. It was a monument to human misery.

And they were going to tear it down.

“Big talk,” Toji muttered.

“Toji!” Hikari called his name. “Here I am!”

She came running to him. After the whole thing with the watermelon patch, Toji went back up to the city, called Hikari, and asked to meet her at the park near her house. She’d dolled herself up for him. He was flattered–he was just wearing his usual grimy tracksuit. He felt like such a slob.

She stopped in front of him. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Nah,” he said.

“Well…” she didn’t seem to know how to start. “Where have you been? You, Asuka, Shinji, Rei. None of you have been in school for weeks! I… we were all so worried about you.”

“I get it,” he said. “But…” He wanted to just hug her and tell her everything. He wanted someone, anyone else to know, but he couldn’t for her sake.

He shook his head. “Pilot stuff.”

“Oh.” She looked at her shoes. “Okay.” Her head snapped up when he grabbed her hand. It wasn’t polite or proper, but he did it anyway, and refused to let go.

“Let’s go out,” he said. “Right now.”

“Toji Suzahara! What’s gotten into–!”

“Asuka almost died,” he blurted out. Hikari’s face fell. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. “That’s where we’ve been. Rei and I were trying to keep Shinji afloat, because if she went…” He suddenly had to wipe his eyes on his sleeve.

“Toji…” She stepped closer to him and put a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Being a pilot sucks, Hikari,” he said. “I hate it. I’m just the back up, and Shinji and Asuka keep risking their lives, all the time. Any one of us could die in a fight.” He took a deep breath to steady himself. “I get why they got together so fast.”

Hikari almost pulled her hand away from him, but he shook his head.

“No, I don’t mean you and me…! I just… I don’t know how much time I’ve got, because of all this. But I know who I want to spend it with. Whatever you want to do. I want to be there.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her head to his chest. She couldn’t shake the feeling that, however long they had together, this felt like a goodbye in advance.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s go.”

***

Asuka’s homecoming was a celebration for the ages. Shinji made her favorite German dish, as well as baumkuchen, which probably took him days to get right. Kensuke, Rei, and Kaji were there. Toji was invited, but wanted to spend time with Hikari, which no one blamed him for. Misato even brought out the good saki and let the kids have a few sips.

Misato did not anticipate that it was Rei’s first experience with alcohol, and the girl had to be laid down in Shinji’s old room before any of them were ready to call it a night. Kensuke went home after that, but the rest stayed awake for a few more hours. The parental role Kaji now found himself cast in from Asuka’s view kept both couples from doing anything more intimate after everyone went to bed, but on the other hand, Kaji had to settle for Misato drunkenly passing out next to him.

That was fine with Shinji. He’d barely let Asuka out of arm’s reach when they got home, which made things like the shower and other bathroom activities somewhat inconvenient. It was as if he feared that she would turn a corner, and he’d follow her to find that she was gone and all of this had just been a cruel dream.

“You promised me that you weren’t going anywhere,” she said after they’d gone to bed. “And you kept it.” He’d kept it above and beyond anything she’d expected. Rei told her that she’d started to worry about his health, but no one could move him. All they could do was back him up, and hope that Asuka would find her way back.

She’d described, as best she could, some of the visions she’d seen in Unit 02. Not that one, of course. There unfortunately wasn’t enough saki in the world to make her unsee that, so she chose not to share it. Choosing not to share subconscious fears wasn’t the same as keeping secrets and she would stand by that.

But the rest–her mother’s involvement with Unit 02, his mother in Unit 01, and their preschool-aged encounter over ten years ago were all described in detail.

He asked, “Why don’t I remember us meeting like that? I don’t even remember liking Transformers.”

“That’s what’s got you hung up on all of this?”

“A little,” he said. “Do you remember which character?”

She gently punched him in the ribs.

“So,” he said, “you think our meeting then meant something? That it was love at first sight?”

“Of course not,” she said. “Our brains wouldn’t have been developed enough for anything like that. But, maybe, it influenced us later, even if we couldn’t remember it. Most people forget things from that age, but the memories are still there, just faded. Like old photographs.”

“So, when we met on Over the Rainbow…”

“We both looked subconsciously at our old photographs of each other, and thought, ‘Hey. I remember you.’”

“Then why did you put me in your plugsuit?”

“Honestly? You looked really cute in it.”

“I’m not cross-dressing for you.”

“Oh, come on! Just one time!”

He finally figured out how to stop this. “Do you think Kaji’s done it for Misato?”

“Eeeww! No!” She covered her ears and rolled away. “Stop! Stop! Stop!”

***

The next few days continued apace as normally. Shinji and Asuka had to wait until they got home to rekindle their relationship after being separated for so long because Hikari’s strict policy still held on school grounds. They ate lunch with Rei and Toji, but they could only say so much with Kensuke and Hikari present.

Not that Hikari seemed to care much what they were doing as long as Toji was there, Asuka noticed.

“They’re dating,” Rei confirmed. Before Asuka could ask how she knew, Rei added with a knowing smile, “Superior powers of observation.”

Asuka blamed her genetic engineering, which Wondergirl didn’t argue with. But, it now made sense why she was the best sniper in the group, a skill which had saved all of their lives on more than one occasion. She was ultimately just glad that Toji and Hikari had finally admitted it.

“Like you and Shinji?” Rei asked.

“Shut up. By the way, how much of that bet money do you still have?”

Rei thought for a moment. “The winnings were… quite substantial,” she said.

Asuka suspected that Rei kept to some of her overly formal ways of speech just because it entertained her when interacting with others. Asuka respected that.

“Why do you ask? I’m not going on another shopping trip.”

Asuka sighed and rolled her eyes. “You’re worse than Shinji. But, no. I have a different idea in mind.”

Rei raised a singular eyebrow. “I’m listening.”

***

“This is everything I could get.”

Ritsuko laid a portable hard drive on the table in the karaoke booth. “It’s thirty years of communications, hard data, schematics, apocryphal texts, and every dirty secret NERV has. No matter the cost.” She leaned back and looked around the booth. “Hm. Can’t believe I didn’t think of this. Very clever, Kaji.”

Kaji and Misato sat next to each other on the other side of the table. Ristuko hadn’t missed their little touches, sidelong glances, and slips of the tongue. She didn’t really care, anymore. She still cared about the both of them, but she’d always been the third wheel in their personal melodrama. She was moving on, from them, from Gendo.

You’ll just break her heart.

She’d asked Maya to move in with her. She knew that it was a big step. There was a chance they wouldn’t even get to enjoy it for very long. But, she thought, what the hell? Better than repeating your mother’s mistakes. Look where that got her. Maya was smart, pretty, and utterly devoted to her. Gender was window dressing, nothing more. And it was the best sex she’d ever had.

“Thanks, Rits,” Kaji said, both for the drive and the compliment. “Kats didn’t get it at first. But, she came around.”

“I bet,” Ristuko said with a smirk. It was just enough to get Misato to blush, which was worth it.

“Well,” Misato said, “No reason to let this go to waste!” She grabbed a microphone, and started singing, “If I Could Turn Back Time,” by Cher. Ristuko guessed that it was not referring to her.

She still stood up and joined Misato for their favorite duet, “Under Pressure.” Kaji graced them with his rendition of, “The Man Who Sold The World,” which suited his deep voice. Afterwards, Ristuko stepped outside for a cigarette break.

Misato joined her a minute later. She’d always been able to do that–know exactly when Ritsuko needed to just say something to her, no matter what it was.

“I wish it was snowing,” Ristuko said. “Like when we were kids. It’s February. It feels like it should be snowing.” She flicked her cigarette ash across the sidewalk.

“Ritsuko. Are you okay?”

“I was fucking him,” she said suddenly. “He fucked my mom, and I knew it, and I was still fucking him.” She tossed the cigarette into the gutter. She could tell by the look on Misato’s face that she knew who she was talking about. “I was jealous of her. I was glad when he had her killed. I didn’t realize that he was already grooming me. I was sixteen and he was brainwashing me the same way he’s been trying to brainwash your pilots.”

Ritsuko covered her face with her hands and cried. It had been years since she’d shed a tear for anything. She thought that part of herself was dead. It was almost uplifting to feel that kind of pain once again.

Then she felt Misato’s hand on her arm. Her best friend helped her stand up, and pulled her into a hug. She let her cry for as long as she needed to.

“I’m so disgusting,” Ristuko sobbed.

“You’re not disgusting. Gendo Ikari is a monster,” Misato said. “But you’re not. You’re one of his victims, the same as the rest of us, and we’re all going to make him pay.” She pulled her friend to her feet. “Come on. I’ll make Kaji put on ‘Friends in Low Places.’” She winked.

“Fine,” Ritsuko said. She sniffed and wiped her face. “Just don’t try to hit those high notes. You sound like a dying cat.”

Then, Misato got a text message. She took a look at it, and couldn’t decide if she was impressed or concerned. Maybe a little bit of both. Then Ritsuko got the same message.

Ritsuko asked, “What the hell do they think they're doing?”

“What we never really did,” Misato said. “Being young.”

***

Two nights later, Shinji and Kaji sat at the dinner table waiting for Asuka and Misato to get ready. They’d been ready and dressed an hour ago, but both women changed their clothing choices at least twice.

“I thought it was just a bad joke,” Shinji said.

Kaji shook his head. “Nope. It’s real. We’re going to be late, but I’m sure that they already planned for that.”

“But, they started getting ready at–”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“It’s already been–”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“But–”

“Shinji,” Kaji said. “If there’s one thing you absolutely need to know in this life when it comes to women, it’s that they will let you know when they’re ready, and not a minute before.”

“Hey, boys,” a husky voice called to them. They both turned to see Misato in a simple black dress that still sparkled with deeply embedded sequins. Her hair was styled up to make room for her red NERV jacket, which accented the ensemble of black heels and golden bracelets.

Asuka was standing on the other side of the doorframe. Shinji didn’t even realize Misato was there. She wore a red dress that clung to every part of her, and black heels. Her hair was done up, but her A-10 connectors were still in place.

She smirked at Shini’s dumbstruck gaze. “Should we switch dates?”

Shinji scowled, lunged forward, and grabbed Asuka’s wrist. He pulled her to the door, where she struggled to get her heels on while he ignored her protests. It was hard to miss the excitement in Asuka’s eyes as Shinji pulled her out of the apartment.

“I guess that answers that,” Misato said as Kaji stood up to take her hand.

A rented limo was waiting for them downstairs. Rei was already inside, in a lacy black dress. She blushed and pulled the hem down when she was complimented.

It picked up Toji and Hikari next. Asuka had picked out the dress for her, and judging by the look on Toji’s face she’d made the right choice. It was light pink, a little frilly at the edges, but mostly sensible.

“Huh, look at that,” Asuka said as they climbed in and sat down. “The monkey wears a suit!”

Toji smirked and adjusted his tie. “You look good, too, Red Devil.”

“That’s no surprise to anyone.”

Misato asked, “What’s this all about, anyway? I’m not complaining, but this is all pretty sudden. Especially coming from you.”

Asuka flipped a stray lock of her hair. “You know that steak dinner you keep promising? I got sick of waiting for you to pay up, so tonight, Rei and I are taking over!”

Hikari said, “But a limo and everything? How could you afford all of this?” She looked at Rei. “How much did you win in that betting pool?”

Rei smiled demurely. “The one at school was enough to buy this purse.” She caressed the designer handbag on the seat next to her. “But the one at NERV was a bit more substantial.”

“I’ll say.” Kaji leaned back. “I think the Commander was the only one not in on that.”

“The entire headquarters was in on it?” Asuka nearly shrieked. Shinji hung his head in embarrassment. Asuka narrowed her eyes on Kaji and Misato. “Just how much did you two bet?”

Misato smiled nervously. “Oh, I would never have bet on you two! I’m your guardian, it would have been…” Asuka was still glaring at her. “I lost five hundred thousand yen.”

“Only ten thousand,” Kaji said. “I’m not so reckless with my money.” He got an elbow shoved into his ribs.

“Hmpf!” Asuka folded her arms. “I’d ask if either of you had any shame, but the answer’s already pretty clear.”

Misato’s constant teasing and innuendo suddenly made more sense.

Shinji implored them to just try to enjoy the rest of the evening. Asuka huffed, but conceded. She immediately forgot it when they came to the last pick-up.

Maya Ibuki climbed in. “Hi, everyone!” She was followed by Ritsuko.

Asuka shouted, “What is she doing here?” Shinji had to pull her down.

Maya flinched back into her seat. She wasn’t too proud to admit that Asuka scared her sometimes, especially after Unit 02 went berserk. She clung to Ritsuko’s arm. The doctor met Asuka’s angry glare with a nonchalant expression.

“I invited her,” Rei said.

Asuka stared at her in disbelief. “Seriously? After everything she did to you?”

“If we’re going to move on from all of this some day,” Rei said, “that means letting go, and forgiving. I forgive Dr. Akagi for her part in my conditioning. And everything else.”

“Thank you, Rei,” Ritsuko said.

Misato nodded. “That’s very mature of you.”

“I don’t like her, either, Asuka,” Shinji admitted. “But if Rei’s willing to give her a chance, so should we.”

Asuka growled, and then relented. “Fine. But, only for Rei! Remember, I’m watching you.”

Ritsuko smiled. “Hm. Of course.”

The restaurant was one of the best in Tokyo-3. Asuka considered it the first real stake she’d had since she moved to Japan. Beef noodles were just not the same.

There was a brief moment of argument with the maitre’d when Rei ordered wine for the table, but that ended quickly when she flashed her NERV ID.

“Look at Wondergirl going bad,” Asuka said.

“Rei!” Hikari couldn’t believe it. “We’re under age!”

“Speak for yourself, kid,” Ritsuko said before she took a large gulp.

Shinji said, “It might not be such a good idea, Rei.”

“It’s not that he cares about age,” Asuka said, “it’s because you’re a lightweight.”

Everyone but Hikari laughed lightly. Rei lifted her glass as if to salute Asuka, then tilted it back into her mouth and drank it all in one go.

Asuka and Misato cheered. “Woo! Go, Wondergirl!”

She swayed a little in her chair, and Shinji grabbed her arm to steady her.

“I’m okay!” She lifted her hands. “I’m okay.”

The rest of the evening was one of the best times they had together. At some point Asuka excused herself to go to the bathroom. No one noticed how long she was gone, until Toji spotted her on the restaurant balcony. He made an excuse about needing to go to the bathroom, and then slipped out when no one noticed. At least, he thought he did.

Asuka didn’t turn around. She leaned on the railing and stared out at the city around them. Its bright lights turned the sky a deep mauve color even after sunset. All of the damage from their battle with Zeruel had been cleared, and new construction was already underway.

Toji leaned back against the railing, standing next to her.

“Okay, Red, what’s this really about?”

She sniffed. “You think you know me, Monkey Boy?”

“Yeah, I do,” he said confidently. “You’re my best friend’s girl. I’d be the worst best friend in the world if I didn’t back him up, and unfortunately that means trying to understand you. Because, for some reason, he had to go and fall in love with you. I mean, you, I get. You wanna be the best at everything, because you think that’s what matters. It’s just how you’re wired. Me too. Guess that’s why you piss me off so much.”

Asuka couldn’t help but smile. “Congratulations, Monkey Boy, you’ve figured me out.”

“Yep. You're a sarcastic bitch.”

She laughed in spite of herself. Then, she looked back over her shoulder at the table. Shinji was happier than she’d ever seen him before. He and Rei–Rei Ayanami, of all people–were laughing about something. Hikari chatted with Misato while Kaji tried to pretend he wasn’t bored out of his mind. Maya could do better, but the way she was doting on Dr. Akagi was still sweet.

“That boy over there,” she said, “risked his life for me, twice. He didn’t expect anything from me for it. He just did it because he knew he wanted me in his life. And I was…”

Toji asked, “The worst?”

“Hm. Yeah. The worst. So he goes and sneaks his way into my heart, promises me he’ll never leave, and what does he do? He keeps it. He kept it in a way I couldn’t have even dreamed of. And that nearly killed him, too.

“When I was… gone, my Mama asked me to live for her. And what I want more than anything is to live for him, too. So, that’s why we’re here tonight, Monkey. Because I want us, all of us, to live.”

“Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die, huh?”

She blinked at him. “You actually paid attention in class?”

He shrugged. “Well, there’s less entertainment since you guys haven’t been fighting as much, so. He has no clue about any of this, does he?”

“No.”

Toji shook his head. “You’re right. He really is an idiot.” They laughed, and then he said, “Go tell him, Soryu. Before I have to kick your ass.”

“Please. I can kill you in five ways before you could raise your fist.”

“Yeah, but you’d feel guilty about it, so emotionally, I win. Go.”

She sighed, shook her head, and stood up. “Stupid monkey.”

“Red Devil.” They started walking back to the table.

“Ape.”

“Shrew.”

“Troll.”

“Succubus.”

“Dumkopf.”

“Hundin.”

Asuka stopped in her tracks and glared at him. Toji realized he’d gone too far. She decked him.

***

At the end of the night, Misato gave the kids the apartment, and went home with Kaji. She expected Asuka and Shinji to take advantage of having it to themselves for the rest of the evening. She did not expect to come home the next day to an apartment full of passed-out teenagers, Ritsuko and Maya in her bedroom, and half her booze gone. Someone had brought out the karaoke machine, and a song proclaiming “We are young!” had been left on repeat with Asuka, Hikari, and Rei unconscious around the microphone. Shinji and Toji slept alone, a development that Misato decided to save for future teasing.

Ristuko emerged after Misato made a pot of coffee. She poured herself a cup and sat down at the table.

“You look relaxed,” Misato said with a sly smile.

Ristuko smiled behind her mug. “So do you. Where’s Kaji?”

“He had to leave early.” Her smile faded. “Something’s happened with Fuyutsuki. He didn’t have time to explain.”

Ritsuko pulled out her phone and checked her messages. “Nothing. Seems we’ve been cut out.”

“Think we should worry?”

“Not yet,” she said. “It could still be nothing.”

Maya staggered past them to the bathroom and groaned. Ritsuko got her a cup of coffee by the time she came out and sat down. She stared at her coffee, too embarrassed to look Misato in the eye.

Misato giggled at Maya’s state. “What did you do last night?”

“Like you said.” Ritsuko sipped her coffee. “Let them be young.”

Maya clutched the sides of her head and groaned. She thanked Ritsuko and sipped her coffee.

“Wow, you got partied out by a bunch of kids,” Misato said.

Maya groaned again. “It’s Asuka’s fault. She’s such a bully. Doesn’t take no for an answer.”

“Tell me about it.” Shinji appeared in the kitchen, and wished everyone good morning before he started on breakfast.

Misato waited until Maya was sipping her coffee, then asked, “So, how’s the co-habitation going?”

Maya choked on her coffee. Misato cackled. Ritsuko shot her friend an irritated glance.

“You told her?”

“I tell her everything,” Ritsuko said. “Wether or not she wants to hear it. But it’s not something we want thrown around headquarters, Misato. The rumors that fly around about your private life are bad enough.”

“What? Wait, what rumors?”

“Sorry, I don’t engage in gossip.”

“Oh, come on, I tell you everything I hear!”

“And I keep telling you to stop.”

Their bickering made Maya giggle. She immediately regretted it when her head started to hurt again.

Asuka stumbled in and rubbed her head. “Stop shouting,” she mumbled. She shuffled over to Shinji and kissed him on the cheek. “Hungry,” she whined.

“It’ll be done in a minute,” he said. “Go on, sit.”

She grunted and crashed into a chair at the table. Maya winced, and tried to pretend that she wasn’t there.

Ritsuko asked Shinji, “How are you so chipper, anyway?”

Because I didn’t fall for Asuka baiting everyone else into a shot contest was the unspoken answer. “Just slept well,” he said. He could feel the doctor continuing to stare at him. He hurried to finish breakfast.

They had time for two bites before all of their phones rang at the same time.

***

The Angel looked like a jagged line of light in orbit above Japan. It had appeared four hours ago by the time Misato got to the command bridge. She wondered how Ritsuko and Maya had beaten her there.

“It’s just… hovering there,” Misato said. “Are we sure it’s an Angel?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Aoba said. “It’s got a blue pattern.”

“So far it’s made no aggressive action,” Ritsuko said.

Misato frowned. “It’s creepy.”

Ritsuko didn’t argue with that assessment. “Given what happened with the previous orbital Angel we encountered, I think it would be wise to launch a preemptive strike.”

Misato nodded in agreement. “Do we have anything that can hit it at that range?”

“In theory,” Ritsuko said, “the positron rifle should work, but with this electrical storm inconveniently hanging over us at the moment, I’m afraid it might interfere with the beam’s latency.”

“Well, we can’t just chuck rocks at it. Get the rifle prepped. Rei?”

Her comm screen appeared. “I’m here, Major.” She looked completely normal for a teenage girl who had partied the night before.

“You’re going up. Shinji will be your back up.”

Asuka and Toji had the decency to look miserable. “Great,” the red-head said. “We’ll just be here. Not throwing up.”

Toji asked, “Can you even do that in LCL? Man, that’d be gross.”

“Stop talking, monkey boy. And take care of my idiot, Wondergirl.”

“You know I will.”

Shinji grumbled that he was supposed to be the one protecting Rei, but his complaints were ignored by the women in his life.

Units 00 and 01 moved into position as soon as the positron rifle was ready.

“We’re detecting some kind of reaction from the Angel,” Aoba said.

“Is it anticipating us even at this distance? Incredible” Ritsuko said.

Misato grumbled, “Try not to sound too excited. Units 00 and 01, launch, now!”

Both Evas rocketed to the surface of Tokyo-3. Unit 00 moved to collect the positron rifle. Unit 01 came up right behind it, and suddenly a beam of light entrapped it.

Misato asked, “What the hell is that?”

“The Angel is focusing its A.T. field,” Hyuga said. “I… We’ve never seen anything like it!”

“I have the rifle,” Rei said, “Setting up now.”

Then Shinji started screaming.

End Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 6

Shinji was screaming.

“The pilot’s brain pattern has become erratic,” Maya shouted. “He can’t maneuver!”

Asuka called to him, but he couldn’t respond. “Misato, let me up there, now!”

“The positronic rifle is charging,” Rei said, clearly struggling to keep her customary cool. “Give me target telemetry, now.”

“Misato!” Asuka roared.

“Okay,” Misato said, trying to keep her head above the chaos. Someone had at least lowered the volume on Shinji’s comm. “Unit 02, prepare for–”

“Belay that.” Gendo’s deep voice dropped down from the top tier of the command deck like a hammer.

Ritsuko was the only one on the bridge level that didn’t appear shocked.

Misato tried to protest. “Sir! We can’t just–”

“We can’t risk any other pilots becoming contaminated,” he claimed. What will you do now, Ayanami?

“Sir,” Misato pleaded, “I strongly advise against this.”

“Are you refusing to obey my direct order, Major?”

The tension in the room rose dramatically. Misato couldn’t understand what in the hell he was thinking. She knew that he didn’t care about his own son, but to sit there so calmly while he was being tortured?

“I don’t have time for insubordination, or cowardice. If you’ve lost your nerve for this fight, then you’re welcome to leave the bridge.”

“N-No… stop it… please…,” Shinji’s shuddering voice reached out to them. “Father… don’t…”

Asuka screamed, “You can go to hell, old man! Unit 02, launch!”

Gendo stood up and shouted, “Lock that unit in! Flood it with bakelite!” It was the most emotion he’d ever shown on the bridge.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Maya said, “but it’s too late. She’s already launching.”

Ritsuko noticed that the tech didn’t exactly rush to fulfill the commander’s order, but said nothing.

“We have target telemetry,” Hyuga said. “Unit 00, you are free to fire.”

***

With the storm clouds obscuring her line of sight, Rei had to rely on the computerized targeting system. She disliked it even when her emotions had been suppressed. It took longer than she’d have liked, and the idea of not being able to see what she was firing at unsettled her.

She was also desperately trying to block out the sound of her brother screaming.

“Father… please, don’t leave me…”

Toji was doing his best to try and calm his friend. “Shinji! Snap out of it! It ain’t real!”

“I’m coming, Shinji!” Asuka shouted. Her Unit 02 was already charging towards him.

“Center the target,” Rei whispered. “Fire.”

The positron rifle’s beam shot through the clouds. Satellite tracking showed it getting closer to the Angel. Rei could hear Aoba counting down from the bridge. Then, Hyuga warned that the rifle’s beam was losing cohesion. Rei shook her head, trying her best to will the beam into hitting its target. It dissipated before it reached the Angel.

“No…”

Rei had never felt this before. She’d been near death a half a dozen times–she remembered the first time she actually died, with the senior Dr. Akagi’s hands around her thin, frail neck. He’d failed before. But, she’d never failed to be there when Shinji needed her. She felt like something inside of her was torn in two.

She knew Gendo did this. He did this on purpose, to punish her. He wanted her to understand how far he would truly go.

Unit 02 tackled the prone Unit 01, and knocked it to the ground. The light that had been enveloping it broke. The titans fell to the ground, taking several smaller buildings with them. Unit 02 rose onto its hands and looked down at its fallen comrade.

“Shinji? Answer me!”

“A-A-Asuka?” His visual comms were still working, but she didn’t need to see his face to know that he’d been crying. “Oh, god, Asuka. I…”

“It’s okay, now,” she said without her usual harshness. “I’ve got you. You’re here. You’re safe. I swear.” She held his hand, Unit to Unit, and silently squeezed her other hand into a fist. Gendo Ikari would pay for this if it was her act. “I’ve got Shinji,” she said through general comms. “He needs help, now.”

“The retrieval team is en route,” Masato said.

“What about the Angel?”

“No hit,” Misato said bitterly. “The storm is messing with the rifle.”

“So… what? That’s it? We just give up?” Her anger rose. The very idea was an insult.

“We’re not giving up, Asuka,” Misato said. “We’ve got to think outside the box.”

The bridge crew started throwing around ideas. Launch an N2 into orbit. Any way to launch an Eva? Not without it roasting in the atmosphere on its way back down. What if we…?

Asuka found herself growing more agitated by the second. They were babbling! The retrieval team still hadn’t arrived, and Shinji’s eyes looked… She shuddered. She’d never seen him look so lost.

“Shinji, you idiot,” she whispered. “Please, be okay? For me?”

Her voice seemed to focus his attention. “Asuka? I… I’m sorry…”

“Stop it,” she snapped. “What did I tell you about apologizing?”

That brought a small smile to the corner of his mouth. That was enough to lift her heart out of the dark void that had been gnashing its teeth below her.

“You’d better do something about it,” he said. He shut his eyes. He was muttering, as if trying to work his way through a waking nightmare. His body shuddered. Asuka felt something in her twisting at the sight, like a wet rag being squeezed.

“God damn it!” She snapped at the bridge crew. “Don’t you have anything useful?”

“Asuka.” Dr. Akagi suddenly cut in. “There is one thing. It’s at the bottom of HQ. I’ll direct you. Rei, can you look after Shinji?”

“Affirmative,” she said. Unit 00 was already leaving its position, the useless positron rifle abandoned.

“But…” Asuka found herself in a rare moment of hesitation. “If it gets you too…?”

“Asuka,” Rei said, her voice filled with certainty. “If it was going to attack either one of us, it would have already done so. Go.” She smiled at her. “Remember, I am Wondergirl, and you are the Great Asuka Langley Soryu.”

Asuka snorted. “Stop trying to make me like you.”

Unit 02 stood and followed Dr. Akagi’s directions. The elevator down felt agonizingly slow. She could see Shinji on the video comm. His ordeal…. Whatever that was… had caused him to pass out. She supposed that was better than a waking nightmare.

She ran through the lower bowels of Central Dogma until she came to a cavernous chamber. A door large enough for an Eva was at the far end.

“What the hell is this place?” She wondered for a second if she wasn’t too far off the mark, and that this really was Hell.

“Terminal Dogma,” Ritsuko said. “There’s a second chamber beyond that door. There’s a spear inside. Grab it. Ignore everything else.”

She nodded. “Got it.” She pushed open the door, and found it harder to follow the doctor’s instructions than she’d hoped. She beheld a sea of LCL. A narrow patch of land led to an island in the middle of it, where a pale, bulbous creature was pinned to a gigantic cross. It had no legs–its torso ended in an unsettling mass of twisted flesh. A red crimson lance pierced its chest.

“What in the hell…? Asuka stared gap-mouthed at the sight.

Ristuko shouted, “Asuka! Move!”

She snapped out of her daze. “Right!” She rushed forward, and pulled out the lance. It came out with surprisingly little force, and she almost stumbled back from giving it too much effort. She raced back to the surface, cursing the slowness of the elevator.

“How is Shinji?”

“We’ve got him,” Misato said.

“That’s not what I asked.” She hated it when Misato didn’t give her a direct answer, and the woman knew it. The way Shinji had been screaming made her gut tighten.

“We’re taking care of him, Asuka. I promise.”

“Misato…”

“Focus on the mission.”

She nodded. Right, the mission. Her training was screaming at her to grow a spine, stop worrying about the boy and do your damned job. But her heart was burning fiercely now, and it wasn’t putting up with any of that crap.

“We’re sending you Rei’s targeting data,” Ritsuko said.

“What am I supposed to do? Shoot this thing?”

“It’s a javelin. You throw it. It’ll do the rest.”

Asuka had her doubts.The thing was huge, and the twin points at the end didn’t look particularly aerodynamic. ‘They’re yours.’ There was that voice again. The young boy who seemed so familiar to her. Something about this spear did feel… right to her, like she was meant to use it. She didn’t have the time to contemplate what that meant.

She wasted no time when she reached the surface. She moved to the best vantage point as indicated on her targeting display. Her training hadn’t included much spear-throwing, but she found herself easily adjusting her stance. She lifted the lance high and leaned her arm back. Unit 02 read the targeting telemetry and fed it through to her.

“Help me, Mama,” she said. “For him.”

She felt the power and weight of the lance in her hands. She took two steps and her Eva’s body lined up perfectly with her intent. It flew from Unit 02’s hand. The lance disappeared through the stormclouds overhead, leaving only a single, fading crimson streak.

Asuka heard Aoba counting down the seconds until the strike was confirmed, but she didn’t stay to watch it. She turned and headed back to Unit 02’s cage, thinking only of getting to Shinji. She knew, and felt her mother’s gentle reassurance, that the lance had hit its mark.

***

She heard the accolades over the comms, but she didn’t get the opportunity to hear them in person. She was surrounded by security personnel from Section 2 the moment she stepped out of her entry plug.

“Hey!” Misato came running down the gangplank. “Back off of her, you creeps!”

In truth, Asuka had been expecting something like this. She told the Commander himself to go to Hell, and defied a direct order.

“We have orders, Major,” one of them said. “Pilot Soryu is to be taken directly before the Commander.”

Misato scowled, refusing to back down. “I’m going with her.”

“That is your prerogative, ma’am.”

They escorted the pair up through the labyrinthine corridors of HQ to the Commander’s office.

“Asuka, I’m sorry about all of this.”

“I don’t wanna hear that,” Asuka said. “This isn’t your fault. Just tell me how Shinji is doing.”

“Dr. Akagi is examining him now,” Misato said. “We don’t completely understand what happened to him. The Angel got into his head somehow. Made him see things that terrified him.”

Asuka thought about that. He’d once confessed to her, in one of those quiet, intimate moments where it was just the two of them and the world outside lost all meaning, that until he’d thought that he’d almost lost her, the most terrifying thing in his life had been his father. She had a pretty good idea of what the Angel had made him see.

Speak of the Devil, she thought as they reached the commander’s office. The Section 2 goons marched her in. She’d never seen the inside before, but she’d never expected it to be black and empty. Just like the Commander’s heart, she was sure.

The man somehow loomed, even while sitting down with his hands clasped in front of his mouth. She wondered why the hell he was wearing sunglasses in such a dark room.

“Pilot Soryu,” he intoned, “your insubordination, recklessness, and complete disregard for authority have been tolerated until now. Today you needlessly–”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Excuse me?” It was the closest thing to emotion that Misato had ever heard from him.

“You heard me,” Asuka said. “You know the Angel is down, and now you want to act like you still matter. Like you didn’t just stand there and leave Shinji to die like the coward you are.”

“It is not your place, pilot, to question command decisions, or show such disrespect.”

She laughed dismissively. “Bullshit! You can’t even admit it, can you? You were abandoning Shinji, your own son, to die. Again.”

“Get this child out of here,” Gendo said. “Put her in the brig.”

“Sir!” Misato finally stepped in. “I’m not condoning Pilot Soryu’s actions, but pilot discipline is still my responsibility.”

“It’s become very clear, Major, that your pilots are utterly without discipline,” he said. “The number of times Soryu and Ikari have disobeyed direct orders–”

“He’s your son!” Asuka screamed. “He’s your own son, and you tried to kill him! You sick bastard!”

She was ready to launch herself at him, until Misato grabbed her arm and squeezed, hard enough to at least get her attention.

“Shinji’s alive,” Misato whispered into Asuka’s ear. “And you can’t help him if you’re locked up.”

Asuka growled. It took a moment for her to finally relent. Rejecting the idea of Misato being right for a change wasn’t worth the thought of Shinji suffering alone.

“I’ll take her,” Misato. “She’ll be suspended from piloting.”

Asuka had to fight back what felt like being stabbed in the heart. She tried to think about Shinji, about doing what was best for him, but it was… hard. They were going to take away her Unit 02. Her mother. She refused to cry. She squeezed her fist, tight, but refused to let them see her cry.

“Very well,” Gendo acquiesced, to the surprise of them both. “Just take her.”

Misato put a hand on Asuka’s shoulder and guided her out of the office. Asuka waited until she was sure that they were out of earshot before she stopped and turned on Misato.

“How could you just let him do that? You know he–!”

“You’re right, Asuka!” Misato had to shout over her. She held the girl’s shoulders and looked her in the eye. “I know. You’re right. I don’t… won’t forgive him for that. But we’re still in danger from the Angels. And from him. We have to use our heads. Please.”

Asuka huffed, and looked away. “Fine,” she said. She turned and continued walking. “But when the last Angel is dead and gone, he’s next.”

***

Rei sat beside Shinji’s bed with a book in her hands. She hadn’t read a word of it. She couldn’t even remember what it was about or why she’d picked it up. She just thought about Shinji, her brother, screaming for his father. At his father. About his father.

And Gendo, the man who should have acted like a father, had left him to die, just to hurt her. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he could be so petty, but it was still a bit shocking. She’d hoped that there was something still human in the man. She was now entirely disabused of that idea.

She had to force Toji to leave. He insisted on staying, but she could see that the stress had worn him down. He had to sit on the sidelines for two sorties, now, and was a victim in one before that. He wanted to be there for his friend, which she found admirable, but knew that he needed to take care of himself, first. She reminded him that Hikari would be waiting to hear from him. That finally gave him the excuse he needed for himself.

She was so relieved when Asuka and Misato showed up that she leapt from her chair and immediately embraced the red-headed German in a hug. Asuka hugged her back, an idea that would have been unthinkable only weeks ago. At this moment, however, neither of them cared.

Asuka asked, “How’s our beautiful idiot?”

Rei was about to answer when Shinji mumbled Asuka’s name. She immediately rushed to his side. He rolled over and looked at her with half-opened eyes.

“I’m right here,” she said. “It’s okay, now.”

“Asuka? I’m… I’m sorry.” His bleary eyes clouded further with tears. “I’m… I’m so pathetic…”

She felt her heart breaking. She leaned over him and wrapped her arms around him. “No, you are not. Don’t ever say that again, do you hear me? What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“He left me,” Shinji said. His voice was so broken. “He left me at that train station alone. He didn’t even look at me. I was crying. I wanted him to come back, but he never did.”

Asuka felt hot tears on her face, and her hands balled into fists. She knew this feeling, and she was fighting it with everything she had.

“I know,” she said. “But that doesn’t make you pathetic, Shinji. It makes him pathetic. He ran from you, left you, when he was supposed to take care of you. He’s not a real man, Shinji. You are.” She wiped her face so that he didn’t see her crying, and placed a gentle hand against his face. “You remember what you promised? That you’d never leave. And you’ve never given up on that. Now it’s my turn to do it for you, okay?”

He nodded. She wrapped her hand around his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He weakly squeezed it back, but it was still there.

Misato and Akagi had walked in at some point while she’d been holding him. Dr. Akagi was her typical cold self, looking at them with complete detachment. Asuka wanted to hate her, too, but the woman had helped her save Shinji, so she decided to let it go for now.

She’d never seen the expression on Misato’s face. Was that… pride? Was she proud of her? Sure, she killed the Angel, but that was her job. Whatever.

“I want to take him home,” she said.

Dr. Akagi nodded. “I can’t do anything more for him here other than give him something to help him sleep. The Angel’s attack synchronized its AT Field with Shinji’s, effectively bypassing his mental defenses. Everything Shinji saw were just his own nightmares, but it would have been like he was really living them.”

Asuka looked down at him. He wasn’t paying any attention to their conversation. She knew something about what that felt like, when she’d been bonded into her Eva.

The others excused themselves while she helped Shinji get dressed, and then walked him out. He moved just fine, but everything was listless, like he was only doing it from rote memory. Asuka felt an ache in her chest at the sight of it, but pushed that aside. He didn’t need her breaking down on him right now.

The ride home was quiet, Shinji leaned against her in the back seat the entire time, which in other circumstances would have been just fine with her. He was skinny, but he fit nicely against her body. Rei rode up front, and wasn’t used to the way Misato drove. Asuka could see the pale girl’s knuckles turning white as she gripped the arm rest.

She led him up to the apartment, Misato and Rei staying a step behind them. Once back inside, she whispered, “See? You’re home.” She detected a weak smile. She made him take one of the pills Dr. Akagi had given them, and put him to bed. She stayed there, laying next to him, until she was sure that he was asleep.

She got up, and found Rei and Misato sitting in the kitchen, sharing a cup of tea. She made one for herself. No one felt much like saying anything, until Asuka couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

“Looks like we’ll have to fend for ourselves for a few days,” she said.

“Oh, come on, don’t make it sound so dire,” Misato said. “We’re perfectly capable of keeping this place clean until Shinji is back on his feet.”

Asuka and Rei shared a doubtful glance. Neither of them were exactly homemakers, and they knew it, but Misato’s slovenliness was legendary.

Rei asked, “May I… stay? Until he’s better?”

Misato reached and gently squeezed the girl’s hand. “Of course.”

“He’s going to need his sister, too,” Asuka said. “You’re not getting out of this just because you’re our only real active pilot.”

Rei raised an eyebrow. “But, we still have Suzahara.”

“Like I said, our only real pilot.” She sipped her tea. “What the hell was that big spear, anyway? And that… thing?”

Misato asked, “You saw it?” Asuka nodded. “Kaji told me it’s…”

“It’s not Adam,” Rei spoke up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, aware of their stares. It looked like it was time to reveal a little more of the truth.

“The weapon was called the Lance of Longinus. Gendo and Fuyutski retrieved it from Antarctica, from the remains of the Katsuragi Expedition. It had previously been used to seal Adam away, but its removal allowed Adam to awaken and caused the Second Impact.”

“So,” Misato said. “They brought you here to use it on…?”

“Lillith,” she said. “The Second Angel, equal and counterpart to Adam. The committee wanted her neutralized, because her presence interferes with their plans. Our inability to strike this Angel with conventional weapons gave him the opportunity he needed to take it away from them.”

“I knew it!” Asuka slammed her fist down on the table, making the other two women jump. “That bastard was sacrificing his own son!”

Rei shook her head. “It’s my fault, Asuka. He was doing it to punish me for leaving him.”

Misato felt sick. “Rei, the Commander and you? You weren’t…?”

Rei immediately understood what Misato was thinking. She quickly shook her head.

“No,” she said, “not like that. I left his plan. His scenario. I refused to be his doll any longer. And because of that…” Her eyes filled up with tears, and her voice cracked. “Because of that, Shinji…”

She was surprised to suddenly find herself being hugged by Asuka.

“Stop that,” she said with a hard voice. “Stop that, right now. This is not your fault. He’s an evil bastard, and that’s all there is to it.” She let Rei cry in her arms. “And I’m going to find a way to make him pay. I promise.”

Misato wanted to tell her that this wasn’t a game, that this was serious. But she already knew that. She’d literally risked her soul, and now the love of her life was fighting for his own. She finally realized that she had no right to treat them like children anymore. She’d been instrumental in taking that away from them. Something had to be done.

She stood up and picked up her phone. Asuka asked who she was calling. She left a voicemail for Kaji. She knew he’d get it eventually. She just hoped it was soon enough to save all of them.

***

The next few days were the hardest. Shinji slept fitfully when he could sleep at all, even with the medication Akagi had given him. He often woke up screaming, and would only calm down after Asuka held him and whispered to him for several minutes.

“Please, my beautiful idiot. Come back. You promised you wouldn’t leave,” was the prayer she uttered every time she held him.

Misato and Rei went back and forth from NERV HQ and the apartment, with Misato being the least present. Asuka knew that the work their guardian was doing to protect them was important, but it still hurt that she wasn’t here for them at the time they needed it the most.

Rei only left for synch testing and to do shopping. The “normal” world didn’t exist for them anymore, if it ever had. They split the chores, with Rei taking over laundry, and Asuka doing her best at cooking, while they shared cleaning the kitchen and lounge. They didn’t bother with their own rooms and they were perfectly fine with that, and neither one would go into Misato’s room. They’d spend an entire afternoon daring one another to do it, and they both chickened out in the end.

Toji came over when he could, and brought Hikari and Kensuke once, but they didn’t stay long. It wasn’t the same without Stupid Shinji there. Toji mostly kept the pair up to date on school, and his combat training, which Rei agreed that he was improving in the simulations.

He never asked to see Shinji. Asuka yelled at him for it during one of his visits, but it hardly seemed to penetrate the stupid monkey’s skull.

Until he turned on her, and said, “You really think he’d want me to see him like that?” The words stopped her mid-rant. Touji turned his eyes away from her. “When I signed on, I… I kinda told him that he’s my hero. Because, he takes all this pain and abuse and doesn’t ask for a damn thing for it. He wouldn’t want me to see him… broken. I won’t do that to him.”

Asuka couldn’t sleep that night. She wanted to be mad. She was mad at Gendo, but couldn’t do anything about it. She was mad at Misato for not being here, even though she was working so damned hard for all of their sakes. She was mad at Shinji. Stupid, precious Shinji, the most important boy in existence, the warm little light at the center of everyone else’s stupid little world. The warm little light at the center of her stupid little world.

She climbed on top of him and straddled his waist, looking down at him. He stared at nothing, dead-eyed, like he wasn’t even really there. She leaned over him and planted her hands on either side of his head.

“Shinji,” she said, “listen to me, and listen up good, Third! You have to snap out of this, do you hear me? I know he left you. I understand. But you can’t keep living in that moment. There are people here who need you. You’re the Invincible Shinji, damn it! You’re Toji’s hero! So you have to get up!”

She sat up and stared down at him, her rage making her shake. “I said, get up!” She slapped him. His face rocked to the side from the blow, and just… stayed there.

Asuka felt a pain in her chest that she hadn’t felt in over ten years. Her heart was breaking. She fell down on top of him and clutched his shirt.

“You have to get up,” she said, failing to fight back her tears. “Misato needs you. Rei needs you. I need you. You promised you wouldn’t leave me, and if you don’t get up, you’ll have broken that promise. And… and if I can’t have you, all of you, here with me, then I don’t want you at all.”

The words hurt in her throat, but she knew they had to be said. She’d tried everything else. The rest was up to him, now.

***

She was alone when she woke up the next morning.

“Shinji?” She jolted upright when her senses finally came to. The room was empty. She rushed out into the hallway and threw open the door to his old room–now Rei’s–but only the bluenette was there, groggily wondering why her sleep was being interrupted.

Asuka ignored her, and rushed into the lounge. Nothing. The door to the balcony was open. Her heart stopped. She ran out to the edge and looked down, preparing for the worst, but… there was nothing. Just empty pavement.

Then, she smelled it. The smell she’d woken up to nearly every morning for all the months she’d lived here. The smell that made her get out of bed and harass her most loved one until he finally gave in.

She walked into the kitchen, bracing herself for disappointment. Instead, she saw him standing at the stove, cooking breakfast like it was any normal day.

He seemed to be aware of her presence. He looked over his shoulder at her.

“Hey,” he said. “Breakfast’ll be ready in a minute. Wake up Rei and Misato for me? Coffee’s already on.”

She wordlessly nodded, and then ran down the hallway. She kicked a hungover Misato in the ribs to wake her, and then rushed into Rei’s room and shook her until Rei swatted her back with flailing hands.

Asuka told her what she’d seen, and the blue-haired girl jumped out of bed and followed her into the kitchen. The both of them stood in the doorway, hesitant to break whatever spell was conjuring Shinji into the kitchen.

He looked back at them, and laughed. “What are you doing? Sit or don’t. Breakfast will get cold.”

They sat down at the kitchen table. He plated their meals, leaving two for both himself and Misato, before he sat down to join them.

They exchanged glances. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to speak and break whatever spell, or dream, or hallucination they were sharing. They were both too happy to see Shinji on his feet again.

“I heard you,” he said suddenly. Asuka dropped her chopsticks when she realized that he was talking to her. “I heard you. Thank you, Asuka, for bringing me back.”

He reached out and squeezed her hand. He wouldn’t let her just jump on him and cry–he knew that she still needed that small slice of her pride. It was enough to see her smile.

He still had to grab the table for support when she barreled into him and wrapped her arms around him.

“Stupid Shinji!”

End Chapter 6

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 7

“It was hell,” Shinji said. “Like… reliving my worst nightmare, over and over, and I couldn’t find a way out, no matter how hard I tried.”

All four of them sat at the kitchen table–him, Asuka, Rei, and Misato–as he tried to describe what it was like. Arael’s attack had left him broken, trapped in his own mind. It was an unending cycle of his worst experiences, but one stood out above all the rest.

“My father,” he said, “just… left me at that train station. I wasn’t even five years old. He didn’t even bother to make sure I got to my aunt’s house, or that I even knew how to get on the train. I was abandoned there.”

Asuka had heard a version of this before, in the quiet hours where they’d confessed everything to each other. But for Rei and Misato, this was the first time they’d learned what Gendo had actually done to him.

“It felt like I cried for hours,” he said. “I might actually have, I don’t know. But he never turned around. Never came back. And I…” He shook his head at himself, but didn’t cry. He felt Asuka’s comforting hand on his back, and was grateful for it. But, he was out of tears to shed over it, now. He’d come through the other side.

“I want to hate him for it,” he said. “But, I can’t. As much as I want to, I can’t find it in me. He’s broken. Losing our mother was what did it.”

There it was. ‘Our’ mother. Rei squeezed his other hand. The ease with which he’d accepted her was enough to melt Rei’s heart.

“But, I can’t be like him,” he continued. “I have to find my own way. It’ll just drag me and everyone else I love down.” He looked around the room, and blushed. “Okay, I said it. I love all of you. Just… not all the same, okay?” He tossed a nervous glance Asuka’s way.

“It’s okay,” she said. “They know who your ass belongs to.”

His blush deepened as his sister and guardian giggled at him.

“But,” he continued, “you were the one who brought me back, Asuka. I heard you. Through all of the pain and hurt, I still heard you.”
“I know,” she said. Her fingers tightened around his. “You did the same thing for me.” She smiled at him lovingly. “You… complete idiot.”

“That’s what you love about me.”

Misato hated breaking up the good mood, but knew it had to happen sooner or later. “If you’re feeling up for it,” she said, “Ristuko would like to see you for an overall health check and a synch test.”

Asuka frowned. “Misato! How can you–?”

“It’s fine, Asuka,” Shinji said. “I can’t… I can’t just run away forever. I have to face this, and him, eventually. Might as well get it over with.”

“All right,” she said. “But I’m going to be there. They can’t keep me out just because I’m suspended.”

His head snapped up. “You’re what?”

***

Shinji spent the next few days going through a battery of tests before he was even allowed in a test plug. They hadn’t fought a single Angel of late that hadn’t affected at least one of them on a deeper level. Dr. Akagi implied that it was a growing mystery she intended to solve.

His overall synch ratio was considerably lower than it had been, but enough for him to still pilot. No one was surprised or disappointed. It’d been expected after what he went through, and Misato encouragingly assured him that he’d have it back up in no time.

The tension around the headquarters was higher than he thought was normal, but he chalked that up to the intensity of the latest Angel attacks. He also noted that a few personnel, including the self-dubbed Bridge Bunnies, were wearing blue armbands. When he tried to ask Misato about it, she put a conspiratorial finger to her lips and whispered into his ear.

“Not here. Later. I promise.”

Returning to school had been easier. His friends were so excited to see him that the first thing Toji did was grab him in a bear hug and lift him off his feet.

“Shin-man! You’re back!”

“Toji!” He croaked. “Can’t… breathe…”

“Oh, sorry, dude.” He put him down.

Asuka chided him. “He just got back on his feet and you’re already trying to break him, you dumb ape?”

“Right,” Toji laughed. “Because that’s your job.”

She grinned salaciously at Shinji. “Damn right it is.” She loved it when she made him squirm and blush.

“Asuka!” Hikari said, “That’s not appropriate in school.”

“I agree,” Rei said. “It was bad enough being across the hall when you… demonstrated how happy you were about his recovery.”

Learning that her brother was the screamer in their relationship made Rei understand why Misato insisted on drinking enough to pass out every night.

“Toji just missed ya, man,” Kensuke said. “He was worried sick.” He flinched when Toji punched him in the arm.

“We all were,” Hikari said. “Rei kept us in the loop, but…”

“Thank you, everyone. I mean it,” Shinji said. “But I’m better now, I promise. By the way, what’s with all the blue armbands at NERV?”

Toji shrugged, clueless. Asuka and Rei shared a knowing look.

“Later,” they said. “The rooftop. Hikari, Kensuke, you should come as well.”

Their classmates were shocked that they were being invited to one of the infamous “secret pilot meetings.” But the serious look on Asuka and Rei’s faces gave them a sense of foreboding. They gathered on the rooftop at lunch.

“You know,” Shinji said, “if we keep doing this, people are going to start to think something weird’s going on.”

“Relax,” Asuka said. “No one thinks your life is that exciting.”

He frowned at her. “You just have to bust my chops, don’t you?”

She smiled at him. “Of course. If I don’t keep you in line, who will?” Then she frowned at the ground. “Toji! Would you stop eating?”

He sat on the ground with his lunch in his hands. “It was your brilliant idea to do this during lunch, and we’re all hungry! So, talk. I’m still listening.”

Everyone else was eating, too. Asuka growled in annoyance, until Shinji handed over her bento box.

“Come on,” he said. “You’ll just get cranky if you don’t.”

“Fine,” she grumbled. “If you’re going to insist.”

She dropped down beside everyone else. Shinji shook his head and sat beside her.

“So,” he said, “what’s the big secret?”

Rei explained everything that had happened between her and the Commander, as well as what he kept in Terminal Dogma.

“Should… should we be hearing this?” Hikari shifted uneasily.

“Yes,” Rei said. “We’re not sure how much longer the city will be safe. Misato, Dr. Akaji, and Mr. Kaji are organizing an internal resistance within NERV itself.”

“Hence, the armbands,” Asuka said.

“They hope to gather enough support to arrest the Commander and expose his crimes without unnecessary violence,” Rei continued. “We have the Evas. That makes us safe. But the Commander knows you and Kensuke are our friends.”

Kensuke nodded, seeing her point. “If he was willing to let his own son die just because he was mad at Rei, who knows what he’s capable of?”

“But, my sisters!” Hikari was on the verge of panic. “My father!”

Toji took her hand to try and help her calm down.

“They will be fine,” Rei assured her. “They’re separated enough from all of this. But, you two in particular should see to keeping yourselves safe.” She noted their confused expressions. “All of you were brought here because you are potential pilots.”

It was shocking for all of them to hear it.

“But,” Asuka said, “the Marduk Institute–!”

“Is a lie,” Rei said. “Just another one of the Commander’s slights of hand. All of us… I mean, all of you were tested years ago. You were then brought here through various means, your parents’ careers were manipulated, so that they could call on you when it suited their needs.”

Hikari stared at her lap and squeezed Toji’s hand like she was holding on for dear life. Kensuke’s face was stuck in an expression of shock.

“You mean… I could be a pilot?” He nearly jumped to his feet. “This whole time! And they picked Toji instead?”

“Dude! Not cool.”

“Well, maybe you lot were,” Asuka mumbled around her lunch. “But I was born for it.”

Rei smiled. “You’re not far off. Your mother helped make Unit 02, after all. It was built just for you. The same is true of Unit 01. It’s part of why you are both exceptional in them.”

They knew that wasn’t the only reason, but had agreed the knowledge of the Evangelions’ souls shouldn’t be shared outside of the circle of active pilots. The implications of it, and the fact that none of them had surviving mothers, would be too much. Toji refused to say anything about it, even going so far as to deny any connection with his Eva. They knew he was lying, but let him have it. There was more than enough tragedy in their lives as it was.

“Yeah,” Toji said. “All I could do was sit there, locked in the cage, while the rest of you were the real heroes.”

“Be glad you did, Toji,” Shinji said. “I wouldn’t wish what that Angel did on anyone.”

A quiet settled over the group, but it was soon broken by the ringing of their phones.

“Son of a bitch,” Asuka growled.

***

Shinji’s currently weakened synch ratio meant that he was on stand-by, sitting in his entry plug instead of being deployed immediately. Asuka joined Misato on the bridge in flagrant defiance of her suspension, but no one saw fit to confront her and risk igniting the red-head’s temper.

That left Rei and Toji to be deployed. Rei could sense the boy’s nervousness. This was the first time he’d be going out without Shinji or Asuka in the lead.

“It’s all right, Toji,” Rei said beforehand on the gangplank, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re ready for this.”

He smiled shyly at her. “Thanks, Rei. I wish I was as confident about me as you are.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” she said. “Hikari would never forgive me.”

“Yeah, she would,” he said with a grin.

The strange, double-helixed halo that floated in the sky above the city’s northern suburb was waiting for them when they deployed. It hadn’t one hundred percent been positively identified as an Angel, as its pattern shifted back and forth from orange to blue.

“What else could it be?” Asuka grumbled, standing next to Misato on the bridge deck with her arms crossed. “It’s a big, weird alien in the sky! That pretty much narrows it down!”

“No color commentary, please,” Dr. Akagi said. “It looks like it might be dormant, still attempting to achieve a stable form. I recommend you pull the Evas back to a minimum safe distance, Major. We can study it from here and monitor it for changes.”

“So, what?” Asuka snapped, “We’re just gonna back down?”

Misato didn’t like taking a passive stance with Angels, either. Their attacks were always too sudden and unpredictable to simply wait around, but after everything that had happened lately…

“Caution might be the best play here,” she said. “You still good on standby, Shinji?” He confirmed that he was. “Okay. Rei, Toji, pull back to the minimum perimeter. We’re on watch and wait, now.”

“Roger.”

“Yes’m.”

***

Something felt wrong. Rei did not get the sense that the Angel was dormant when she looked up at its eerie, circling form. It felt more like it was waiting for something. She could sense the presence of its mind lurking in the space of its AT Field. It was watching them as they watched it. Observing. Preparing.

“Ayanami!” Toji shouted suddenly. “Look out!”

With a speed that cared nothing for the bounds of physics, the double-helix halo merged into a single thick line that split at a single point, and the head of it came charging at Rei.

It had all happened so quickly that she hardly had time to respond, and Toji’s Unit 03 was already in front of her Eva, blocking the Angel’s path as it streaked towards her.

There was a sound like a scream, or more like a rusty razor blade sliding across an aluminium can. The thread-like Angel was speeding towards them one second, and in the next it darted around them, like it was trying desperately to avoid colliding with Unit 03.

Rei heard voices shouting her name–Misato and her fellow pilots. “I’m all right,” she said. “Thank you, Toji.”

“D-Don’t mention it,” he said, his fear evident on his face. He launched his Prog Knife.

Unit 00 did the same, and retrieved her sidearm from a thigh compartment. She tried to track the Angel–it was moving so fast. It zipped through the sky, zig-zagging back and forth. She stayed back-to-back with Unit 03 and they turned together, trying to keep it within at least one of their sights at all times. The bullets of their guns flew past it.

“Toji,” Dr. Akagi addressed him. “I have an idea. Switch places with Rei as it comes at her.”

“What?!”

“Just do it,” she said flatly.

“Rits,” Misato said, “If you’re…”

“He’ll be fine, Major,” she said. “I’m sure of it. Ready, Toji. Now!”

Unit’s 00 and 03 spun around at the last second, and the Angel veered off again, skidding against Unit 03’s AT Field. Toji slashed at it with his knife, and the thing let out its metallic scream again as the knife tore through its form, a wave of blood flying through the air behind it.

“Yeah!” Asuka punched the air.

Shinji shouted, “Way to go, Toji!”

Toji cried out, finally having gotten his first real hit against an Angel. “Take that, you overgrown tapeworm!”

Misato asked, “How did you know that would work?”

“Short version,” Dr. Akagi said, “I think Unit 03’s previous possession by Badriel is acting like a resonance with this Angel. It doesn’t want to get near Unit 03 because it thinks he’s one of them.”

“Congratulations, Monkey Boy,” Asuka said. “You’ve been upgraded to human shield.”

“Misato,” Shinji said, “Send me up to help!”

“Negative,” she said. “We still don’t know what this Angel is trying to accomplish.”

“It’s already regenerating from the last attack,” Ristuko said. “You’re going to have to hit it a lot harder next time, Suzahara.”

It came back again, and the Evas spun around. Toji swiped with his knife, but missed. The Angel darted under the blow, around the Evas’ bodies, and latched itself onto Unit 00’s core.

Rei screamed. She could feel the Angel digging through Unit 00’s flesh and armor. It felt like maggots burrowing under her skin.

“No!” Toji whirled on the Angel, and started cutting. “No! This is all my fault!”

“Toji, no!” Rei shrieked. Unit 00 shoved Unit 03 back. “Stay away!”

***

The bridge crew could only watch in horror once again.

Misato asked, “What the hell is it doing to her?”

“Her psychograph is destabilizing,” Maya said. “It’s trying to… oh god…”

“Mental contamination confirmed,” Hyuga said. “The Angel is trying to devour her mind and assimilate Unit 00.”

“Oh, god,” Asuka covered her mouth. “Rei…”

Shinji was screaming, “Misato! Let me go out there! Now!”

“Someone tell me what to do,” Toji said. “Please.”

“Enough!” Commander Ikari’s booming voice drowned out everything. He’d just… appeared on the command deck. He looked like a spectre out of a nightmare. “Activate Unit 00’s self-destruct.”

Shinji shouted, “Maya, no! Please, Misato!”

“Sir!” Panic was rising in Maya’s voice. “There’s no response from the self-destruct protocols! The Angel has already absorbed too much of it.”

“Pilot Suzahara,” Gendo said, “You must destroy Unit 00, now. Both the Eva and the pilot are lost.”

“No!” Shinji was shrieking. “Toji! Please!”

“Silence that boy,” Gendo growled.

Maya quietly turned off Shinji’s comm. Asuka glared up at Gendo. She was about to go up there until Misato grabbed her arm, and shook her head at the girl. Not yet, was the message.

***

Toji was desperately trying in vain to cut away the Angel, but the more his knife sliced away, the more it seemed to burrow into Unit 00. Rei shoved him away, again, for fear that it would attach itself to him, too.

She could feel the Angel attacking her mind, now. It was trying to devour her memories, piece by piece. She wasn’t sure if what she was seeing was real or in her head–faces, all of them her own, melted out of her control console and stared at her with wide, hollow eyes. They were laughing, like her empty clones.

She could feel herself slipping away, no matter how hard she pushed back. The Angel was digging through her plugsuit and under her skin. She bit back the pain. She tried to focus on her memories, but they were slipping away. Shinji smiling at her. Asuka and Hikari making her go shopping. Laughing as they ate lunch.

Aki…

She squeezed her eyes shut. She hadn’t backed herself up since her break from Gendo, and the next clone wouldn’t have these memories. These thoughts. She wouldn’t remember who she really was. She’d go back to being a doll.

“No, please,” she whispered. “I don’t want to go…”

Then you have to wake up.

That voice. She remembered that voice.

“Fine,” she said. “You win.”

***

“Oh, my god!” Maya shouted at a volume Ristuko only ever heard in their bedroom.

“What is it?” She looked over the tech’s shoulder. “Rei’s psychograph is restabilizing. She’s…” Her head snapped up. “She’s fighting the Angel.”

“Go, Wondergirl!” Asuka cheered.

Misato asked, “How is that even possible?” She saw fear instead of elation in her friend’s eyes. “Rits?”

Ritsuko said, “She’s awake.”

***

Rei’s eyes glowed with an inner light. The bulging growths and veins from the Angel’s attempts at assimilation were being forced back. The disgusting, mocking heads screamed as they dissolved. It was only a matter of seconds before everything that was the Angel had been shoved back into its original form.

Unit 00 grabbed it, and it writhed in pain.

“How dare you touch me,” she said in a voice that was not her own. “You worm!”

Unit 00 pulled the Angel out of its core. The Angel’s end, a writhing mass of pseudopods, emitted a horrified shriek. Unit 00 squeezed it tightly, and then raised its arm, and slammed its head into the ground, the rest of its body following in a whip-like motion.

Toji cried out, and Unit 03 jumped back. “Rei! Oh, thank god!”

“No,” Lilith said. “Thank me.”

Unit 00 began slamming the Angel into the ground over and over. Rocks and trees flew everywhere. It tried to wriggle free, but couldn’t. Its body began to weaken and give in, laying limp in Unit 00’s hands. When Unit 00 was satisfied, it took the Angel in both hands, and began to squeeze it like a tube of toothpaste. A bulge soon appeared in its enormous length, which Unit 00 squeezed to the far end of the Angel’s body.

Finally, the Angel’s core popped free in a shower of crimson gore, and fell to the ground. Its body looked like a deflated balloon, or a slug that had been sprinkled with salt. Unit 00 tossed it aside without a second thought. She raised up her foot over the core, and crushed it with a single stomp. Crimson shards flew everywhere.

Unit 00 lifted its head back, but it wasn’t roaring. It was laughing.

***

Toji and Shinji were running down the gangplank to Unit 00’s cage after Rei emerged from her Eva.

“Ayanami!”

“Rei!”

The both of them collided into her in a hug that made her choke.

“For crying out loud,” Asuka shouted. “Give the girl some room to breathe, will you?” She shoved both boys out of the way. Misato and Dr. Akagi followed behind her. “Hey! You didn’t just bag an Angel, you put it in its place!”

Rei smiled. “Of course I did. I am Wondergirl,” she said. She hugged Asuka. She opened one eye and looked back at Misato, who was beaming with pride, and Dr. Akagi, who stared back at her with a knowing fear.

‘Rei’ ignored it. “We’re family. And family sticks together.”

You’re not her.

End Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 8

Shinji approached the Commander’s office. He wasn’t feeling exactly brave. He didn’t know what that was supposed to feel like. But, he knew what he wanted to do, what he felt that he needed to do. Asuka would be pissed at him if she found out, and he didn’t want to insult her pride, but he couldn’t stand by and do nothing.

He knew what she’d think, that he was trying to make it about him, but that wasn’t right. It was about how he felt about her, and how he didn’t want to feel useless to her. That wasn’t about him–it was about them.

“So, how are you, after your ordeal?”

Shinji stopped at the cracked open door of his father’s office. He knew that his father wasn’t talking to him. He hadn’t even walked in yet!

“I’m… fine.” He recognized Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki’s voice. It was strained. “Thanks to Ryoji Kaji.”

Shinji had meant to knock before he entered. Now, he found himself pressed against the lock part of the double-doors into the office. His breathing was shallow, and his pulse quick. Kaji? An ordeal? What was going on here?

His father asked, “What did they want to know?”

“Nothing they wanted to hear,” Fuyutsuki said. “But, you already know that I said nothing they could use, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

Shinji’s blood ran cold. He had some idea that Fuyutsuki was an old friend of his father’s, and probably knew his mother. Would he really just… have the man killed?

“Of course not,” Gendo said.

Shinji realized that he shouldn’t be so surprised. Of course his father would. He’d left him, his own son, to die just a few days ago. His father hadn’t visited him in the hospital, or during his… episode. Not once. He knew that his father had visited Rei. It made him a little jealous, until he realized that his father only looked at Rei as an object–both as a means to an end, and a picture of his wife. Their mother.

That last thought helped Shinji gather up his nerve, and he walked into the office without knocking. He walked up to the halfway point of the office, forcing himself not to shake. This place always intimidated him, though after what Rei had told him, the man at the desk was far less dreadful than he used to be.

“Did you need something, pilot?” His voice was as cold and impersonal as ever.

He nodded. “I want you to lift Asuka’s suspension.”

“Out of the question.”

He knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. “Sir,” he started, “she’s the best pilot, and with Unit 02’s S2 engine, she can–”

His father cut him off. “Pilot Soryu’s gross insubordination–”

“To save me,” he said. “Do you even care what happened?” He was answered by silence. He clenched his fists and resisted the urge to charge up to the man and hit him.

“Her motivations are irrelevant,” Gendo said.

Shinji glanced at Fuyutsuki. He couldn’t be sure if it was just the dim lighting, but the man looked in rough shape. He had to have known what happened during his absence.

“And you’ve clearly recovered,” the Commander continued. “You should be focusing on raising your synch ratios, not your adolescent plaything.”

That was too far. Even Fuyutsuki was shocked by Gendo’s choice of words, but he wasn’t too old or too beaten up to hold Shinji back when he charged Gendo from across the room. Shinji’s fist came within centimeters of his father’s face before Fuyutsuki managed to stop him.

“Shinji!” It was one of the few times Fuyutsuki had ever addressed him by name, but the boy hardly heard him. “Calm down!” Then, he whispered in the boy’s ear. “This won’t help anyone.”

He escorted Shinji out of the office, and shut the door behind them. That’s when Shinji finally noticed his blue armband. He looked up at Fuyutsuki, shocked.

“Sir?”

Fuyutsuki nodded, seeing the boy’s understanding. “What were you thinking?” His tone was still that of the stern Sub-Commander. “Don’t answer. It’s clear that you weren’t.” He put a gentle hand on the boy’s shoulder. “If you really want to help her, then be there for her.”

Shinji nodded. It was the most straightforward advice he’d ever received.

“There’s a good lad. Go on, now. I believe you’re late for a synch test, yes?”

Shinji nodded, thanked him, and left. He looked back only once, but the man was already gone.

***

Asuka, Rei, and Toji had already finished changing into their plugsuits when Shinji got to the lockers. The revelation that Toji’s Eva was now immune to Angel possession had done wonders for his confidence as a pilot.

“Congratulations,” Asuka said. “You’ve gone from Monkey Boy to Sacrificial Lamb.” She ignored Toji’s pouting when she spotted Shinji. “And just where have you been? You’re late!”

“Nowhere important,” he said. He knew that Asuka could see right through him, so he kept walking into the locker room.

Rei was consoling Toji’s wounded pride while Asuka followed Shinji. He was half-undressed when she walked in, though neither of them cared. It certainly wasn’t the first time they’d done something in here, and after Dr. Akagi’s revelation that they were in fact monitored Asuka had made a game out of trying to find the blind spots. For all her initial prudishness, Shinji thought she was turning into a bit of an exhibitionist.

He could feel her eyes boring into him. He hesitated to take his pants off, not because he was embarrassed, but because it granted her access to extremely vulnerable target points. He sighed. Dealing with his father had been easier.

“I tried to talk to my father,” he said, “to get him to lift your suspension.”

“You idiot,” she growled.

“Yeah, I know.” He began to pull on his plug suit.

“I don’t need you to stick up for me like I’m a defenseless damsel, Third!”

Now he was in trouble. These days she’d taken to using that particular nickname only when she was genuinely upset with him. But, she hadn’t stormed out, which meant she wanted him to do something about it, something more than just shy away and apologize.

“I got myself into that trouble and I don’t need–!”

He grabbed her and kissed her. It only took a moment for her to relent and melt into it. It’d really become a better way of apologizing. He hadn’t said the hated “s” word in weeks. He suspected that she enjoyed it a lot more than she was willing to admit.

When he broke their kiss, she sighed.

“Fine,” she said. Then, she punched his shoulder. He winced and rubbed the pain out. She pointed a finger at his face. “But don’t do it again, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a stupid grin. He finished putting on his suit.

She groaned and took his hand. “Come on, idiot.” She dragged him out of the locker room.

Toji and Rei walked with them as Asuka pulled Shinji along.

Toji asked, “What’d you do this time?”

“I tried talking my father into lifting Asuka’s suspension,” Shinji answered.

“How’d that go?”

“How do you think?”

Toji had not been Gendo Ikari’s biggest fan since he’d discovered that the Commander had most likely orchestrated the “mishap” with Unit 03 just to give him an excuse to test the dummy plug system, at the cost of his life and possibly Shinji’s sanity.

“He really is a cold son of a bitch, isn’t he?”

His fellow pilots simultaneously voiced their agreement.

***

Ritsuko Akagi stared at the synch ratio numbers while trying to maintain her composure. Asuka and Toji were about where she expected them to be. Suzahara had in fact gone up a couple of points since he’d learned about his theoretical inoculation against Angel contamination. Shinji’s numbers were going up, but he was clearly still struggling. It made more sense when she learned about his attempt to reason with his father concerning Asuka’s suspension.

The man, if he could be called that, really was a mother fucker.

It was the creature currently calling itself Rei Ayanami that concerned her. Her synch ratio was perfectly steady, and didn’t fluctuate across any of the parameters they used to calculate it.

Misato asked, “Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

Ristuko had to explain it to her in the most basic terms possible, and even then she could see that her best friend was a touch confused by the deeper implications.

“It’s only theoretically possible,” she said. “And it means that the pilot has attained a perfect equilibrium with its Eva. Rei’s never come close to achieving this before. In fact, most of the time her Eva seems to resist her efforts to sync.”

Misato asked, “So, what’s changed?”

Ritsuko glanced past Misato, over to Maya, who was diligently monitoring the pilots’ vitals. They’d been living together for several weeks now, and Ritsuko hadn’t told her about any of this. She wasn’t sure if that was wise or not, but it was the only thing that she could think of to keep Maya safe. Convincing her to wear the stupid armband had been difficult enough.

She silently mouthed, “Karaoke,” to Misato, then changed the topic. “The Committee is sending the Fifth Child.”

Misato felt a chill run up her spine. Ritsuko had told her all about him.

“Already?”

The doctor nodded. “It seems they’re tired of waiting.”

“Then, we need to–”

“No.” Ritsuko shook her head. “It’s too dangerous.” She looked down at the synch plugs. “We have to leave it up to them, this time. They’re the only ones who can do anything about it.”

Her eyes zeroed in on Rei’s monitor. The girl was looking right at her. Maybe they would get lucky, and both of those monsters would kill each other.

***

Rei had taken to walking alone through the city after synch tests. She’d ditched the school uniform, and dressed far more casually and freely than she used to. Asuka commented that she was finally listening to the girl’s fashion advice. Rei let her think that, as it made her feel good. The truth was that she found it much easier to blend in during her walks when she looked more like an average teenager.

She left the Geofront, and took the train into the core of the city. Her defeat of the latest Angel seemed to put its residents at ease. More people were out, heading home from work, heading to dinner, packs of coworkers out to impress their boss, kids going to the movies. People just being human, and it made her smile. A small boy, holding his mother’s hand, smiled back at her and waved in passing. She picked up a beer from a street vendor who refused to charge her because she was too pretty to pay. She didn’t care that he ogled her during the exchange. An older woman tried to lecture her on being too young to walk around behaving so shamelessly, and she laughed with delight. Humans being human, just as she’d always wanted, and she was truly connected to all of them.

She paused in a public park to admire the sunset. She sat down on the edge of a fountain, in the middle of which was a statue of a Christian angel. She closed her eyes, and felt a gentle breeze caress her skin. Then, she heard someone humming.

She looked around, until finally she tilted her head up and saw a boy her age sitting on the statue’s shoulder. He was pale, with silver hair, and dressed like Ikari. He hummed “Ode to Joy.”

When he finished, he said, “Singing is great. Singing enriches the soul. It's the crowning achievement of the civilization that the Lilin created. Don't you feel the same…”

His words stopped when he looked down and saw Rei. His smile faded for just a moment.

“I do indeed,” Rei said, smiling back at him. “Something the matter?”

He hopped down from the statue, his feet landing almost silently on the pavement. His smile returned.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said. “And certainly not like… this.” He sat down beside her. “I thought I would meet–”

“I know,” she said. “Not this time. He has the one he actually needs, now. Not your empty hope.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I see your tongue is as sharp as ever.”

“How was the future?”

He chuckled quietly. “I don’t think we need to talk about that.”

She smiled and took a sip of her beer. “You didn’t do so well there, I take it? This isn’t your world. When are you going to learn that?”

“I was here first,” he said.

“Don’t be childish. It’s unattractive.” She offered him the can.

He took it and sipped. “So, what happens now?”

She stood up and offered her hand. “Take a walk with me.”

He took her hand and stood, and they started walking. “You always have to be the one in charge, don’t you?”

“Perhaps it’s best if we don’t talk,” she said.

***

Shinji asked, “Has Rei seemed… off to you lately?”

Asuka looked up from her morning tea with a sleepy expression. Shinji’s questions always had the worst timing.

“Rei? Off? You’re really going to have to be more specific than that.”

Okay, I walked into that one, he thought. “It’s just… I don’t think she came home last night.”

Asuka nearly choked on her tea. “Are we seriously talking about the same Rei?” She laughed. “Come on. Rei wouldn’t…” She stopped herself from finishing that thought. Rei had slowly grown more impulsive since she allowed herself to grow a personality, but she wasn’t some naive child. She wouldn’t do something stupid like spend the night with a complete stranger.

Rei had all but officially moved into the Katsuragi residence after Asuka reemerged from Unit 02. Shinji’s mental assault had given her impetus to stay, and no one could remember the last time she’d gone back to her old place. She’d moved all of her clothes into Shinji’s old room, and at Asuka’s suggestion bought a pair of earmuffs to sleep in.

“She probably just didn’t hear her alarm, again,” Asuka said. She grumbled and got up from the table. “Don’t let my breakfast get cold.”

She knocked at Rei’s door, but there was no answer. “Hey, Wondergirl! Wake up! Breakfast!” That was usually enough to summon her to the door, but there was still no answer. “All right, you’ve been warned! I’m coming in!”

Asuka threw open the door. The room was empty, and Rei’s bed hadn’t been slept in. Her earmuffs hadn’t been moved from their spot on her pillow. Asuka looked back down the hall. She could hear Shinji still working on breakfast. She walked into their room and grabbed her phone.

Rei’s number rang several times, but she didn’t pick up. “Ayanami, I swear, if you’ve done something stupid,” she muttered. Finally, she huffed, and texted the girl: “Where the hell are you?!”

Asuka realized that she was holding her breath until she finally got a response a few seconds later.

“Apologies. Went for a walk. Got late. At my old place. No need to worry.”

Asuka sighed. Just as she figured. She probably slept so hard that she didn’t hear the phone ring, either.

“I’m fine. You worried Shinji.”

“I’m his sister. Not a child. Just take his mind off it for him.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You know what I mean. Fifth Child arrives today. You should come meet him.”

Asuka tried several more times to get more out of her, but Rei stopped responding. “What the hell is going on,” she muttered. That didn’t sound like Rei at all. Something was definitely going on with her, but Asuka wasn’t going to let Shinji know he was right. She was going to get to the bottom of this.

***

“Kaworu Nagisa. It’s wonderful to meet you, Shinji Ikari.”

The strange boy held out his hand to Shinji, who seemed to be somewhat befuddled by this relative stranger’s forward, open manner.

Asuka had told him that Rei insisted they come down to HQ to meet the boy, and Asuka wanted to personally observe his synch test when she discovered that they intended to use Unit 02 as the baseline.

“It is the production model,” Ritsuko had told her when Asuka came to her office to argue the point. “It provides the perfect baseline for future models. And you’re still suspended, so it’s not as if–”

“That’s not the point!” She smacked the doctor’s desk. “Unit 02’s different now!”

“The S2 engine hasn’t affected your ability to sync with it one way or the other,” Akagi said calmly. “There’s no reason to think it would affect someone else’s changes, either.”

Asuka drew herself up to her full height, which wasn’t much, even compared to Dr. Akagi’s sitting position at her desk. She folded her arms and did her best to look authoritative.

“What if she refuses?”

Akagi knew that Asuka would finally get around to her real concern in her own way. She was worried that he might have an effect on her mother’s soul.

“Kyoko can take care of herself,” she said. “There were no adverse effects on her when Shinji and Rei attempted to cross-synch. There’s no reason to believe that this attempt will, either.”

Asuka remembered. She’d coached both of them through the experiment, telling them that all they had to do was be respectful, and play nice. Neither of them had any issues, and she and Shinji were perfectly capable of synching to Unit 00. Unit 01 was the only one who adamantly refused to sync with anyone but Shinji. Asuka thought that Yui Ikari was just being a possessive bitch.

She already knew why they weren’t using Unit 03. Akagi still hadn’t figured out if Toji’s apparent immunity to Angel contamination was a side-effect that was contained to the Eva, the pilot, or a combination of the two. They were also worried that Badriel might reawaken or regenerate if another pilot attempted to sync, so Toji’s psychograph was locked exclusively to Unit 03.

And, if this new kid couldn’t sync with Unit 02, it didn’t matter if they tried with Unit 00 or not. It was all or nothing.

Which was why Asuka insisted that she and Shinji intercept him en route to the locker rooms, so that she could get her measure of him herself. They did not expect Rei to be arm-in-arm with him.

Kaworu introduced himself exclusively to Shinji, as though Asuka weren’t even there. She might have noticed, had she not been so shocked by the look in Rei’s eyes when she smiled at the boy. Asuka immediately took the girl’s arm and pulled her away from the boys to speak privately.

“Um, hi,” Shinji said, and shook his hand. “I guess you already know my name, huh?”

“Your reputation precedes you. Shinji Ikari, the slayer of Angels.”

Shinji wasn’t sure how to take that.

Asuka pulled Rei around the corner. “When did you meet him?”

Even Rei couldn’t miss the accusatory tone in Asuka’s voice.

“Last night,” she said. “When he arrived in the city.”

Asuka’s jaw dropped. “Rei!” She could hardly believe what she was hearing. “You just met him!”

“It’s not like that,” Rei said flatly. “We… just talked,” she insisted.

“Horseshit,” Asuka said. She and Shinji had plenty of “just talked” moments themselves. Surprisingly little was said.

Rei frowned. “I am not discussing this with you, Asuka.” She turned away from her.

Asuka grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her back. “Rei, you didn’t come home last night. Shinji was worried, and–”

“Shinji,” she said as she twisted her arm out of the girl’s grip, “is not my father, and you’re not my mother. Don’t act like it. It doesn’t really suit you.”

Asuka watched her walk away while taking great effort to hold back her desire to suckerpunch the girl from behind. What the hell was going on with her?

Meanwhile, Shinji tried to endure awkward small talk with Kaworu.

“Where’s the Fourth Child?” the strange boy asked.

“Oh, Toji had a date.”

“So it’s just you and Ayanami, then?”

Asuka cleared her throat as loudly as humanly possible when she and Rei rejoined them.

Kaworu turned his mirthless smile to her. “Ah, Pilot Soryu. I didn’t expect you to be here. I was to understand that you’ve been suspended.

Asuka squeezed her fists until her knuckles audibly popped. Shinji knew that look, and preemptively put an arm around Asuka’s shoulders should he have to try to restrain her.

“That doesn’t mean I’m banned from the base,” she said. “And since it’s still my damned Eva you’re going to sync with, I’m going to be watching you. Got it?”

The subtext of Asuka’s words were as subtle as she was capable of. Kaworu’s eerie smile never flagged. He nodded.

“Whatever you need to feel better,” he said.

Rei pulled on his arm. “Come on, I’ll show you where the locker room is.” She glared at Asuka, and maneuvered them around her and down the hall.

Shinji stared at them as they walked away. There was definitely something–

‘Do not trust him, Ikari. He is not what he seems.’

He flinched. Asuka recognized that as a sign he’d had another forgotten memory.

“Auska,” he said. “Something is wrong.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Something’s wrong with both of them.”

***

The synch test went just as Ritsuko expected. Kaworu Nagisa’s sync ratio was at a perfect equilibrium with Unit 02. He’d either somehow subdued Kyoko or bypassed her completely, and Ritsuko suspected it was the latter since the Eva’s psychograph was stable.

Shinji and Asuka watched the test from beginning to end, and Asuka seethed at the results. No amount of Shinji’s placations could ease the sting of this to her pride. Misato looked like she hardly believed it. When the test neared its end, Shinji told Misato that there was something he and Asuka needed to discuss with her about the pilot. Misato and Ristuko exchanged knowing glances.

It was time.

Misato left with her young wards while Ritsuko and Maya finished up in the control booth, and Rei and Kaworu slipped away to the locker rooms. Nothing much was said in the car, except that Misato asked them to text Toji, and gave an address for him to meet them at. When they finally arrived, Asuka’s reaction was exactly as Misato expected.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me?”

Kaji was already waiting, with pizza, beer and sodas, warm and cold respectively.

“I’m not singing,” Shinji said.

“Just get in.” Misato shoved them into the karaoke booth and shut the door behind her. “Rits and Maya will be here soon. Where’s Toji?”

“I… might have said he can bring Hikari,” Shinji sheepishly admitted as he sat down. “It was the only way to get him here! Her family is being evacuated tomorrow along with everyone else.”

“So, what’s going on?” Asuka had clearly decided that a free meal was a free meal no matter the circumstances, and was already halfway through a slice of pizza.

Misato asked them to wait for the others. Toji and Hikari arrived first. The Class Rep was surprisingly excited, having already been to this particular establishment. Toji, like Asuka, didn’t bother to wait before eating.

They all ended up filling their stomachs by the time Ristuko and Maya arrived. The bridge tech was exceptionally nervous. Ritsuko had informed her of what they were actually there for ahead of time, and she was clearly upset by the entire revelation.

“Well, it doesn’t get any better from here,” Kaji dryly observed. “So, who goes first?”

“Something is wrong with Rei,” Asuka said.

“And this Kaworu kid,” Shinji added.

Ritsuko and Misato exchanged a glance, and readied themselves for the pilots’ reactions.

“That’s hardly surprising,” Ristuko said. “Kaworu isn’t simply the Fifth Child. He’s also an Angel.”

Asuka leapt to her feet. “Damnit! You said Unit 02 was safe!”

“It is,” Ritsuko insisted. “I checked it before we left. Kyoko hasn’t suffered any ill effects. He most likely just pushed her aside and connected with Unit 02 directly. They share DNA, both coming from Adam.”

“Then he’s most likely working for the Committee,” Kaji said. “They’ve had enough of Gendo. He’ll try to breach Terminal Dogma and join with Adam.”

“It’s… not Adam,” Shinji said. “Rei told us. It’s Lilith.”

“Hm. She would know,” Ristuko said. “The other half of her DNA comes from Lilith.”

“Wait.” A chill passed through the pilots. Asuka said, “Rei’s part Angel?”

“Yes,” Ritsuko said. “But not one inimical to us. Lilith created all life on this planet. She doesn’t have any interest in destroying her own direct descendants, humans.”

The doctor’s story was almost too fantastical to be believed, but for the fact that they were already dealing with the extraordinary. Asking everyone to take that extra step seemed trivial at this point.

“But then,” Shinji said, “why are they… getting along?”

“She slept with him,” Asuka said. “Last night.”

Hikari blushed deeply. Toji choked on his soda. No one noticed their embarrassment.

Misato asked, “Are you sure?”

Asuka gave her a look. “Like when you knew about me and Shinji.”

Misato just nodded.

“This is bad,” Ritsuko said.

Toji asked, “If you already knew, then why don’t we just go kill him?” Hikari cried out in shock at his suggestion. “He’s not human! He’s an Angel! It’s not murder when he wants to kill us all.”

“If it were that easy, I already would have,” Ristuko said. “But he’s not nearly as clever as he thinks he is. We studied his AT Field while he was going through the motions of the synch test. Rei is the only one who has a chance of neutralizing it, and if she’s turned against us…”

She didn’t need to finish that sentence.

“I just don’t understand,” Maya said. “Why? Why do any of this? What’s the point? I thought we were defending our species. What have we been doing this entire time if that wasn’t it?”

“The Human Instrumentality Project,” Kaji answered. “Whatever that’s supposed to be.”

“The only two people who can truly answer that,” Ristuko said, “Are Gendo and Yui Ikari.”

Shinji felt everyone looking at him at that moment, though all he wanted to do was pretend it wasn’t true. He knew that his father would never tell him the truth. And, as for his mother…

“I tried to talk to her,” he said. “The way Rei and Asuka have. But, she won’t speak to me. I don’t know why.”

Asuka reached out and squeezed his hand. First Rei, now this. His world was slipping away. She knew what that felt like. The very last thing she wanted was to see him going through it too, so soon after he’d just come back to his senses.

“I’m sorry, Shinji,” Ritsuko said, probably for the first time that anyone present had heard it. “But that’s not what is important now. If Lilith can’t or won’t deal with Kaworu, then we need to think of a way ourselves.”

“Just tell me,” he said, “is Rei still in there?”

Ritsuko wasn’t sure how to even begin to answer that. The contents of Rei’s soul were complicated, and if there was anything human in her to begin with then it was buried behind a creature that was potentially billions of years old whose consciousness defied many of the basic principles of metabiology that she’d dedicated her entire life to studying.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “For all of our sake, I hope so.”

“Then I’ll find out,” he said.

***

They danced across the rooftops of the city wearing the shapes of two young people in love. They flew from one edge to the other, laughing and teasing each other. The city was their playground as day faded into night. They didn’t need to sleep, so they went everywhere, trying to see everything. She showed him her favorite noodle stand and theater. They watched a baseball game from the top of the stadium. They walked quietly through an art museum. That night they broke into a bath house after hours and lounged in the water together.

“It’s funny, isn't it ?” He asked her, “That we both ended up in the bodies of Lilin.”

“What’s so funny about it?”

He didn’t answer. He just kept smiling up at the bath house ceiling. She never did get his sense of humor.

“I understand what you see in them,” he said. “They struggled so hard. They have to cling to something in order for their actions to have meaning. They’re not gods, after all.”

“Neither were we,” she said. “But they’ve built a world here all the same.” She leaned on his shoulder and enjoyed the warm sensation of the water.

“A world they barely understand,” he said. “They don’t even understand themselves. How can they? Their souls are so isolated from one another.”

“But, that’s why their connections are important,” she said. She ran her delicate fingers over his bare chest. “It reminds them that their lives have meaning.”

“That’s circular. They are not like us, and they cannot be. It’s why we can’t coexist.”

“They want to be.” She sat up and gently turned his face towards hers. “If we helped them instead.”

“You’re wrong,” he said, his smile never fading. “I tried to tell you that before.”

She moved to straddle his lap.

“Stop talking.” She leaned down and kissed him.

***

It took Shinji two days to find Rei. She didn’t show up at school, home, answer her phone, or respond to the dozen-odd messages he left her. He knew that she had a synch-test coming up, and if she had any interest in maintaining appearances, she would be at NERV. So, he simply waited.

Maya let him know when Rei and Kaworu had entered, and Rei headed for the locker rooms. He decided that he was lucky when Kaworu chose not to join her. He waited behind the partition until he heard her open her locker, and then stepped through.

“Rei.” He caught her attention. “Can we talk?”

She smiled at him. “Shinji. Hello. What’s the matter?”

She looked like Rei, and her voice sounded like Rei’s, but the way she moved and the way she looked at him were… alien.

“I was worried about my sister,” he said, choosing his words carefully.

She sighed, annoyed. “I told Asuka–”

“Yeah, I got that message,” he said. “But I didn’t say I was worried about you. I’m worried about Rei. My sister.”

She stared at the floor. “So, you know.”

“I know, but I don’t know if I understand it,” he said.

“A wise distinction. I guess you are smarter than you look.”

He ignored her jab. “Is Rei still in there?”

“The girl you know as Rei Ayanami is just a shadow of the women who came before her. A copy.” She lifted her face. “I’m the real one.”

“I don’t believe that,” he said.

She shrugged. “Believe what you like. It makes no difference to me.”

He grabbed her shoulder. “I want to speak to Rei.”

“Rei is just a–”

“Shut up!” His body trembled slightly with fear and anger. “You can't say that. Rei is real. She's a real person, damn it! You don’t have the right–!”

She threw his hand off her. “I have every right! My own children mutilated my body and chopped up my soul, and you have the arrogance to tell me what rights I have?”

Shinji knew that he couldn’t do anything against this creature. He couldn't force her or demand it of her.

“Please,” he asked quietly. “She’s my sister. She's the only family I have.”

She looked like she was about to say something, when the alarms went off.

“All pilots to the Evangelion cages,” Maya announced. “Pattern Orange in Central Dogma! I repeat, Pattern Orange in Central Dogma!”

“No,” Lilith whispered in horror. “Kaworu!”

***

Kaworu stepped off the central gangplank that stretched across the Eva cages. He’d avoided Units 03 and 01. His brother Bardriel had left a mark on 03’s soul that sealed it off from his influence, and 01 belonged to his beloved.

That left Units 02 and 00. The soul inside Unit 02 had fought fiercely when he synched. But, he sensed that the one in Unit 00 was weaker, only a fragment of the host his beloved shared. And it was full of useful rage.

The Eva's cyclopean eye glowed as it awoke. The titan easily tore through its restraints with an inhuman scream.

“Kaworu! Stop!”

He turned around and saw Rei and Shinji running onto the cage platform. He smiled as his AT Field crackled to life around him. There was a terrific crack, and both he and Unit 00 began to descend.

“No!” Rei ran to the railing and leaned over it. “You don’t have to do this!”

She leapt over the railing before Shinji could stop her, not that he believed for a moment he actually could.

“Shinji?” Misato’s voice came over the intercom. “What’s going on? Unit 00 just activated! Is Rei there?”

“No,” he said. “Kaworu’s controlling the Eva. Rei… Lilith went after it.” Whether his sister was in there or not didn’t matter right now. Lilith was in control.

“He can’t be allowed to reach Terminal Dogma,” Ristuko’s voice cut in. “If he does, it’s all over.”

Shinji looked up. Unit 01 was waiting. He raced up the gangplank. There was no time for the plugsuit and A10s. The bridge crew was able to help him remotely as best they could, but Shinji had to manually get into and install the entry plug on his own for the most part.

Unit 01 awoke with a thought. It felt easier than ever before. Maybe it was Lilith’s presence? He didn’t have the time to contemplate it. The Eva’s restraints released, and it took two steps to reach the hole that Unit 00 had smashed through the cage floor. He jumped in.

The darkness around him vanished quickly, and he could see two glowing orbs below him–one Kaworu, and one Rei. Unit 00 shielded Kaworu with its hands. Unit 01 grabbed the sides of the tunnel to try and slow its descent. Granite, steel, and sparks screamed all around him. He aimed Unit 01’s foot at Unit 00’s head.

The blue Eva looked up at him at the last second, stopped protecting Kaworu, and caught Unit 01’s leg. It pulled down, bringing Unit 01 level with it. Shinji tried to break the other Eva’s grip, but it was suddenly, impossibly strong. As the two titans clashed, Shinji looked over at Kaworu and Rei. They were both floating in AT Fields, staring at each other but not saying anything. Whatever was going on between them, he wished one of them would be on his side. But, he got the sense from his conversation with Lilith that wasn’t going to happen.

It felt like several minutes had passed before their descent finally ended in the massive chamber beneath Central Dogma. Unit 01 crashed onto its back. It had barely gotten to its feet when Unit 00 emerged from the dust cloud and slammed a fist into its jaw.

As the two behemoths brawled in the background, Kaworu and Lilith stared at each other. Their AT Fields pushed the dust and debris aside.

She asked, “Why are you doing this?”

“You know why,” he said. “I have to.”

She shook her head. “No, you don’t! After everything you’ve seen, everything I tried to teach you–!”

“You showed me that your children built a wonderful world,” he said. “But, everything has its time. Everything ends. They’ll destroy themselves, eventually.”

“I can save them from that,” she said. “They don’t have to repeat our mistakes.”

His smile held a hint of sadness. “Now who is living in the past?”

“Don’t make me do this,” she said. She could feel the pain tearing her chest in two.

“You don’t have your lance anymore, my dear,” he said. “You can’t stop me without killing me. We both know you won’t do that.”

“Please, Tabris.” Her voice cracked. “Don’t make me choose.”

“You already have,” he said. “You just won’t admit it to yourself.”

The ground around them shattered as their AT Fields expanded and slammed into each other. There was a momentary flash and burst of debris, and when it cleared, Lilith was several meters from where she’d originally stood. A line of blood trailed from her lip.

Tabris stood his ground, hands in his pockets, still smiling. Lilith wiped the blood from her chin, and charged him. She lashed out with her AT Field ahead of her, and Tabris was knocked off his feet and flew through the air. He flipped, landed in a crouch, and held his injured side. Still, he smiled.

Behind them, the two titans continued to slug each other, mirroring their parents’ battle. Unit 00 clasped its hands together and swung them up into Unit 01, catching it under the arm as it overextended its reach with a punch. Unit 01 kicked its sister in the gut. They growled and snarled at each other, neither quite gaining the upper hand.

The massive door on the far side of the chamber was blown off its hinges. Tabris came rocketing through it, and smashed into the ground. Lilith rushed in through the cloud of debris. He rolled out of the way before her foot would have come down on his head, shattering the ground where it struck.

Tabris managed to tackle Lilith, and forced her to the ground. Their AT Fields cracked and sizzled against each other. One of them launched both upwards, and they crashed into the ceiling. Lilith fell to the ground, landing hard on the barren rock. Tabris, bloodied but unbeaten, floated down.

Behind them, Unit 01 was thrown through the open doorway. It skidded across the ground, coming to a halt only a few meters from Lilith. Unit 00 walked in. It knelt down and wrapped an arm around Unit 01’s neck as it tried to stand.

Shinji felt his back popping as his Eva was bent backwards. Unit 00 was trying to choke him to death.

“Rei…” He croaked. His Eva tried to pull Unit 00’s arm away, but too much of the strength had been beaten out of him. “Please… help…”

Lilith felt her head swim. She could feel the Rei in Unit 00, all her rage and mistrust driving her, letting her hurt Unit 01 and Shinji without remorse or fear. The Rei inside of her was crying. She could hear her brother’s voice as he was dying. She accused Lilith of causing all of this. It was her fault, and she still wouldn’t do anything about it. She could have stopped this when she had the chance, and she didn’t.

Tabris walked up to the figure nailed to the cross, and stopped in his tracks. He now knew that he’d been a fool all this time.

“This isn’t Adam! It’s–!”

His voice was stopped by a wet sound. He looked down, and saw Lilith’s hand jutting from his chest, her AT Field projected to a needle-sharp point. She withdrew it, and he fell to his knees. His smile still hadn’t faded.

“You did it,” he said. “I… I knew you could do it.” He looked up at her, standing over him. Behind them, Unit 00 had gone silent, and Unit 01 was clutching its throat as Shinji struggled to catch his breath.

Tears ran down Tabris’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said, “for… about before…”

Lilith realized that she was crying, too. She knelt down beside him and pulled his head to her chest. “I know,” she said.

“I’m sorry, for what I did,” he said, “and… for what’s to come.”

“Sshh,” she said. “No more talking.”

A swift crack of vertebrae echoed through the entire chamber. Kaworu fell to the ground, his neck snapped. Lilith… Rei… Even she didn’t know anymore. She just felt cold.

Eventually, she forced herself to her feet, and dragged Kaworu’s body to the edge of the LCL pool, where she shoved him in with a thick splash.

Shinji stared at the scene, unable to speak both because of his injury and his shock. When he found his voice, it was hoarse and sore.

“Rei?”

“Leave me,” she said.

Unit 01 slowly got to its feet and walked away. She waited until she could no longer hear the titan’s footsteps. She watched as Kaworu’s body dissolved into the LCL. When there was no longer anything but a few floating clothes, she buried her face in her hands, and allowed herself to cry.

End Chapter 8

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 9

Shinji was in the pilots’ lounge, drinking his third bottle of water, when Asuka and Toji arrived. Asuka immediately threw her arms around him.

“Dude,” Toji exclaimed, “what happened? You look like you got your ass kicked.”

“You’re not wrong,” Shinji croaked. He rubbed his aching throat.

“Akagi said I’m okay,” he said. Asuka ran to get ice and he thanked her as he put a cube in his mouth. “Just feedback.”

Asuka asked, “And Rei?”

“She…” He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. “She killed Kaworu. She did it to save me.”

Asuka shook her head. “Oh, god, Rei. What’ve you become?”

“It’s not Rei,” Shinji said. “Dr. Akagi was right. Lilith is in control right now, and I… I don’t know how to get her back.” He felt Asuka’s hand wrap tightly around his. He smiled at her.

Toji asked, “So, is that it? Is it over?”

Shinji asked what he meant, and Toji explained what had been happening while Shinji was in HQ and Terminal Dogma. The JSSDF was evacuating the entire city, except for NERV and its staff. Hikari took Pen Pen when her family left, and he had no idea where Kensuke was.

“But, it doesn’t feel over,” he said. “It just feels like the city’s holding its breath and waiting for the next disaster.”

Maybe it should be, Shinji thought bitterly. The harder they pushed, the harder it felt like destiny was pushing back. Their visions, memories, whatever they were, had pretty much stopped, as if whatever they were trying to warn them about was already on its way.

***

The first indication that something was wrong was the JSSDF’s order to evacuate the city. Gendo Ikari had disappeared, leaving Fuyutsuki to deal with trying to find out what was going on.

Kaji sat on the divan in the Commander’s office, a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. He was pleasantly surprised to find himself still alive. He’d expected that someone would have removed him from the equation by now, but Ritsuko’s info seemed to have bought him a stay of execution by the powers that be. That, combined with Gendo’s near complete loss of influence here, had earned him a spot at the big boys’ table.

Fuyutsuki hung up the phone with a hard slam on the desk. Things weren’t looking good at the moment.

“Any luck?”

The old man shook his head. “I’m being stonewalled. No one at the U.N. claims to know anything about what’s going on. The Japanese civil government has shut me out. What about your contacts?”

“The same,” Kaji said. “Everything’s gone silent. You think it’s the Committee?”

Fuyutsuki grimaced. “Most likely. We’ve reached the end game. I honestly thought I would feel differently when this day arrived, but now…”

“Sometimes the worst thing you can do is achieve your dreams,” Kaji said.

Then the alarms sounded.

***

“I feel like I’m saying this a lot lately,” Misato said, “but just what the hell is going on?”

The command bridge was in a frenzy of activity. Voices shouted over the comms, and there were bursts of gunfire.

“We’re under attack,” Ritsuko said matter-of-factly. She hunched over the main MAGI terminal. “Someone just tried to hack the MAGI using its sister terminals around the world. I’m trying to activate our firewall.”

“Reports are coming in from all over headquarters,” Aoba said. “It’s… what in the…? They’re saying it’s the JSSDF!”

“Got it!” Ritsuko smacked the terminal in victory. “Okay, we have internal cameras back.”

The video feeds from around the base showed NERV had turned into a charnel house. JSSDF soldiers were moving through the halls, slaughtering everyone they came across. NERV employees were screaming as they either fled or tried to surrender. Their murderers didn’t seem to care one way or another.

Maya covered her mouth and gagged. Hyuga’s jaw dropped. Aoba shook his head in disbelief.

“What… what is this? Why are they doing this?”

Misato began barking orders before panic could take control. “Mobilize all security, now! Where the hell is Section 2? Tell those idiots we need them, now! Try to get through to someone in the military, the government, I don’t care who! Give me a map of their movements, show me where they are!”

Everyone scrambled to fulfill her orders, her firm voice giving them focus and purpose. They were fighting for their lives, again, but this time the danger felt more real and personal.

“Looks like we’re officially enemies of the state,” Ritsuko said.

Hyuga asked, “Can’t we just turn over Gendo? This is all his fault, anyway.”

Misato admitted to herself that it wasn’t half-bad an idea, but she doubted that the butchers she was watching on the monitors cared. It brought back brief memories of her days as a junior officer. She didn’t have a very high opinion of the JSSDF thanks to that.

“No one knows what rock he’s crawled under,” she said bitterly.

“I think I do,” Ritsuko said. “Let me find him, Major. This is a tactical issue, now. I’m not much use to you up here.”

Misato hesitated. “Rits, it’s–”

“It’s always been dangerous,” she said.

Misato stared at her friend. Ritsuko told her what fate most likely awaited her, but her friend wasn’t afraid. Misato asked Hyuga for his sidearm. She checked it, and handed it to Ritsuko. The doctor flashed her small, tight smile, and strolled out of the command deck as casually as if she were going for coffee.

“We have a contact,” Hyuga said.

The monitor changed to show a plane heading for Tokyo-3. Misato’s eyes widened. She knew exactly what it was.

“They’re going to drop an N2 on us.”

She pulled out her phone and called Kaji. He answered, though there were gun shots in the background. Clearly, he’d already found out.

“Kaji, listen to me,” she said. “They’re going for the Evas. I need you to get the Children to the Evas, now!”

***

The entire NERV HQ rocked from the explosion. Misato had called Shinji immediately after she got off the phone with Kaji. The three young Eva pilots could hardly believe what they’d just been told.

“First Rei goes to the Dark Side, now this?” Toji had to lean on the table to support himself. “This just keeps getting worse and worse.”

Shinji and Asuka didn’t argue. They had joked privately that their relationship felt like the two of them against the world, but now that felt very literal. Asuka stood and headed for the door.

“Asuka, wait! Where are you going?” Shinji stood up and followed.

“We’re gonna need our plugsuits, right?”

“But,” Toji said, “Misato wants us to stay put until Kaji comes for us. It’s dangerous out there!”

“We’re always in danger,” she said. “Besides, I’m not gonna sit around waiting to die when I can do something about it.”

She stormed out of the lounge. Shinji shook his head and followed her. Toji tried one more time to talk sense into him, but Shinji shrugged at him. Toji cursed, and followed both of them.

The hallway outside was deserted and quiet. They’d heard gunfire and screams during the call with Misato, but it didn’t look like the fighting had reached too deep into NERV yet. They didn’t encounter anyone on their short trip to the locker room, but they did their best to be quiet, all the same.

They changed quickly. They knew that their plugsuits would make them easily identifiable. Misato hadn’t sugarcoated her warning that these soldiers would most likely try to kill them on site. They were going to have to take their Evas into battle one more time, now against human beings.

Rei–Lilith, Shinji reminded himself–hadn’t come back from Terminal Dogma after Shinji left her there. She was probably safer down there than anywhere else in the HQ. Shinji knew that she could take care of herself anyway. He wasn’t sure that the soldiers could kill her if they tried.

“Now, we wait for Kaji,” Asuka said as she adjusted her suit’s wrist cuff. “The cages are probably swarming with those thugs.”

Toji asked, “Then how are we gonna get in our Evas?”

“If anyone can find a way, it’s him,” Shinji said. “All we have to worry about is–”

He stopped when he heard the stomp of boots outside the door. He was about to tell Asuka and Toji to hide, but the door opened too fast, and a pair of soldiers in black body armor stormed in holding rifles.

“Freeze!”

Shinji felt a bolt of terror run through him. He couldn’t run even if he’d wanted to.

“Turn around slowly, all of you!”

They did as they were told, their hands held up. Asuka stood beside Shinji with a sneer on her face. He knew that she wanted to fight, but they’d all be shot before she could even reach the men. He lowered his arm and squeezed her hand. She squeezed it back.

“Are… are these the Eva pilots? They’re just kids!”

“Those are the right suits. This must be them.”

“But…”

“Our orders are no survivors. They’re trying to end the world, remember?”

“End the world?” Asuka snarled. “We’re the ones saving it you idiots!”

“S-Shut up!” One of the soldiers pointed his gun directly at her. Shinji automatically stepped in front of her, which pissed her off as much as it touched her.

“Hey, man,” Toji said. “We really are just kids. We don’t know why we’re here. They just took us and put these suits on us! Really!” Lying to adults was one of Toji’s better skills, and at this moment it was a good instinct to fall back on. The soldiers were hesitating.

“I’ll call this in,” one of them said. “Get some confirmation.” He reached for the small radio on his shoulder. “Command, this is–”

There were two small pops that struck their ears like hammers. The pilots all flinched, and realized that they were still alive in the next second when the soldiers fell, and Kaji was standing behind them with a gun in his hand.

“Kaji!” Asuka ran up and hugged him. “Oh, thank god!”

“Everything all right in here?” Fuyutsuki entered a second later. He looked down at the soldiers. “Ah, I see. Are you all right, pilots?”

Shinji nodded. He turned to Toji and nudged him with his elbow, breaking his friend’s daze.

“Yes, thank you, sir,” Shiji said. “Thanks, Mr. Kaji.”

Toji asked, “Did… did you really have to…?”

Shinji also felt a pang of guilt for the two dead men at their feet.

“Yes,” Kaji said coldly. “You haven’t seen what these men have done.” His words drained the blood from Toji’s face. “Now, come on. I know a way to the cages that should be safe.

“Of course you do,” Asuka said.

“Just stay close to us,” Fuyutsuki said. He brought up the rear as Kaji led the way.

It didn’t take them long to begin seeing the bodies. Shinji barely knew most of them. They were all technicians, engineers, and members of Ristuko’s science team. All unarmed. All dead, their bodies torn apart by gunfire. Many of them had been shot in the back. They were trying to run away.

All of his previous thoughts of guilt and sympathy for those soldiers evaporated.

They heard more gunfire and screams as they walked. Kaji led them away from the violence. They were nearly at the main elevator leading to the cages when someone shouted, and gunfire erupted. Fuyutsuki cried out as a bullet tore through his shoulder. He turned around and fired at their attackers.

The pilots didn’t need to be told to run. Kaji got the elevator open, and the three of them piled inside. There was more shouting and gunfire behind them. Kaji looked back.

“Kaji, what are you waiting for? Get in!” Asuka held her hand out to him.

He looked back at them, and Shinji already knew. He put a ready hand on Asuka’s shoulder and pulled her back.

“I’ve done everything I can for you, Soryu. Now, it’s your turn.” He stepped back. “Take care of her, Shinji.”

“Wait!” Asuka screamed at him as the door shut. She pounded her fists on it, then turned around, rage and sorrow plain in her eyes. “Go back! We have to go back for him, damn it!” She tried to hit him, but he grabbed her wrists. “How could you just leave him? Damn it! We–!”

“Asuka!” He shouted, something in his voice reaching her. “He did his job,” he said. “Now, so do we.”

She buried her face into his shoulder, her body trembling as she fought back her tears. Tears wouldn’t do any good right now. There’d be time for that later.

“I really wish Rei was here,” Toji said.

“Yeah,” Shinji agreed.

They rode up in silence, and were met with silence. The cages had either already been swept or the soldiers hadn’t reached them yet. The loading crews were gone, but the Evas entry plugs were in position and waiting. They ran down the gangplank–sparing a single glance at silent Unit 00. Toji ran ahead, his Unit 03 the furthest at the end.

Asuka stopped short when Shinji was about to climb up to Unit 01.

Shinji asked, “What is–?”

She turned, grabbed him, and kissed him before he could finish. For one second they forgot about the horror and madness taking place around them.

She let him go, and asked, “Got my back?”

He smiled. “Always.”

“Good. Means you won’t be in my way.” She winked and ran ahead to climb into her Eva.

***

On the bridge, Misato realized that she’d been holding her breath when Maya reported that the pilots were in their Evas and synching. Kaji did it. He got them there safely. Their faces appeared on the overhead screen.

“Thank God,” she said. “It’s so good to see that you’re safe.”

“We won’t be in about 60 seconds,” Toji commented.

Misato frowned sadly. “I know what I’m asking of you three. But, people are dying. You have to stop them.”

“We will, Misato,” Shinji said. “I promise.”

That almost made her smile. There was a time when he never would have dared to make a declaration like that.

“Where’s Kaji?” She asked the question almost casually, as if it was just another training simulation. Then, she noticed the shift in their faces.

“He’s not coming,” Asuka said.

That was all it took for Misato’s world to come crashing down. “What… what do you mean…?”

“He bought us the time we need,” Asuka said. “We cry later, Major. We fight now.”

Misato’s hand hovered over her uterus. “Damn it, Ryoji,” she whispered. She pulled the sadness down. Asuka was right, for once.

Before she could give the launch order, one of the access doors to the cages burst open. A lone technician, one of the ones who’d stayed behind to prep the Evas for their pilots, was running down the gangplank. A squad of JSSDF soldiers followed him. They stopped and fired their rifles. The man was cut to pieces in front of the Evas.

“You… animals!” Asuka screamed. Unit 02’s arm came up, and tore away the gangplank. The soldiers fired at the Eva in the few seconds of life they had before they were summarily dragged down into the abyss at the Eva’s feet.

“That,” she said, “was for Kaji. Unit 02. Launch.”

***

Gendo Ikari walked through the cavernous Terminal Dogma with all of the reverence of a man marching to his execution. It was quite possible that’s what awaited him, but he moved towards it all the same. He could feel the gravity of the moment, how it pulled in all the necessary players.

He found Rei huddled at the feet of Lilith with her legs pulled up to her chest and her face buried in her knees. A set of boy’s clothes floated nearby in the LCL. Tabris’s, he assumed. He’d heard about the incident, but didn’t let it trouble him. Everything had played out as it needed to, more or less. He could feel Adam’s soul stirring in his hand. The pressure was… immense. It had been a trying few hours for him as he could feel the enormity of it weighing against his soul.

“It’s time, Rei,” he said.

She sighed. “Rei’s not here right now, Mr. Ikari,” she said in a deadpan voice.

Her attempt at levity right at this moment struck him as odd, but he pushed it aside. “No more foolishness,” he said. “You understand what has to happen.” He pulled off his glove, revealing the embryo implanted within. “Come now. We have a new world to create.”

“Ikari!”

He turned around to find Ritsuko standing just a few meters from him with a gun pointed at him. He could almost laugh, if it weren’t so pitiful.

“Back away from her,” Ritsuko said. “Right now.”

He sighed wearily. “You have no part in this,” he said. “Just go. Find Maya. Enjoy your last few minutes while you have them. Believe me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

“You’re beyond regret,” she said.

He had to admit that she had him there. He put his other hand in his pocket. The hammer of her gun clicked into the ready position. He held perfectly still.

“I didn’t love you,” he said.

“I know.”

Lilith ignored everything going on behind her. It had nothing to do with her anyway.

Ritsuko hesitated. Now that it came to it, she found that she couldn’t pull the trigger.

But Gendo could. The bullet fired from his pocket and struck her shoulder. She screamed and collapsed to her knees. Her gun clattered across the ground and dropped into the LCL. She clutched her bleeding shoulder and groaned in agony.

Gendo pulled his gun out of his pocket, and discarded it. He turned his back on the mewling woman and returned his attention to Rei.

“Lower your AT Field,” he said. “This union will give birth to the next world.” He reached out to her.

Suddenly, Lilith’s hand wrapped around his wrist, and stopped him. She stood, her hand squeezing with an impossible strength. Gendo screamed in pain as he felt bones and tendons snapping. Rei–no, he finally realized, Lilith–sneered at him with contempt.

“I already have him inside me,” she said. “In a way that you will never understand.”

She twisted her arm, and ripped his hand off at the wrist. She tossed it aside into the LCL, where it immediately bubbled and hissed as it fizzled away.

“No,” Gendo cried out in a weak moan as he stared in horror at his bloody stump. “Do you know what you’ve done?”

“Yes,” she said. Lilith looked down at him with disgust. “I told you. I look to the future. It will not be in your image.”

Her AT Field sliced through his torso. He only had a moment to realize what had happened, before his body slid away from his legs, and he collapsed in a gory heap.

Lilith sneered at him. “She doesn’t want to see you, anyway.”

***

“Tanks? They’re using tanks against us?”

Toji rolled away to dodge shells fired at them from the hills surrounding the blasted remains of the GeoFront. He lifted his pallet rifle and fired, hitting two of them. Small fireballs erupted on the hillside.

The battle was short, but hectic. Asuka spared no mercy, smashing troop transports with Unit 02’s feet. They’d air-lifted a light cruiser to the GeoFront’s lake, which she destroyed with a rocket launcher. Shinji focused on taking out their air support and shot down fighter jets and bombers. Toji took out their artillery. The troops inside of NERV HQ had been recalled within twenty minutes of the beginning of the battle.

“Yeah! Get lost!” Asuka kicked over an abandoned truck. It flew across the GeoFront and crushed a grove of trees.

“We’ve got more contacts incoming,” Hyuga warned.

“Not more bombers,” Shinji sighed.

“No,” the tech answered. “Different profile. They look kind of like carriers. We’ll have a visual in just a few minutes.”

The remote cameras finally picked up a visual. Rubbery, bone-white figures with massive wings for arms and taloned legs carried massive, twin-bladed swords. Their faces were lean, eyeless, and split by perversely predatory grins.

Toji asked, “What are those?”

“The Mass Production Models,” Maya answered. “But… Ritsuko shelved the project! They shouldn’t be here!”

“They are,” Misato said. “Sending what weapons we can, guys, but this is all on you.”

Weapon towers rose up through the GeoFront. They reloaded their pallet rifles. Asuka picked up a progressive axe. Toji picked up an Eva-sized tonfa and riot shield. Shinji spotted a black-and-red spear among the arsenal.

“What’s that?” He picked it up. It felt light and fluid in Unit 01’s hands.

‘It’s yours.’

“Something Dr. Akagi was working on,” Maya answered. “She called it the Lance of Lucretius.”

It rang through the air as Unit 01 flourished it. Then, nine shadows appeared in the air above them. The MPEs began their descent in an ominous circle.

“I feel like someone should be playing a kickass soundtrack right now,” Toji quipped. “Always thought fights to the death should have kickass soundtracks.”

“Don’t think of it that way, Monkey Boy,” Asuka said. “Think of it as your badass fight montage. That’s what I’m gonna do.”

The MPEs landed, surrounding the three Evas. Everything seemed to hang in a moment of absolute stillness for several seconds, and then exploded in a flurry of violence. The MPE’s wings folded into hands that picked up their awkwardly huge swords and lifted them over their heads.

Unit 02 caught the first sword swing with the edge of her axe, pushed it aside, and expanded her AT Field as she swung her weapon. The fields shattered against each other, and Unit 02’s axe cut straight through the MPE’s neck, severing its head cleanly from its body.

Unit 02 advanced on its next opponent. Units 01 and 03 stuck close together to protect each others’ power cables, their singular biggest weakness. Unit 03 lifted its shield to meet the heavy blade of the first MPE to approach it, and turned it aside. Toji smashed Unit 03’s tonfa into the side of the MPE’s head, and a satisfying crunch of whatever passed for its bones, along with a spray of LCL across the landscape, was his reward.

Toji exclaimed, “Holy shit! These guys are lightweights!”

“They’re not expanding their AT Fields,” Shinji said. He thought it suspicious, but didn’t have the time to contemplate it. The first one to approach him was impaled on his spear, its rubbery flesh giving way easily. Even as it died, it maintained its eerie, almost mocking grin.

“Die, you ugly bastards!” Asuka destroyed the three that attacked her in a matter of seconds. Her axe chopped through their bodies with wide, arcing swings. One was severed in half at the waist. One swung a fist at her, and paid for it when she cut its head off. The third lifted its massive sword and swung it clumsily at her. Her axe knocked it aside, and then she buried it in the monster’s face, splitting it evenly down through its torso.

The rest were slaughtered just as quickly and easily by Units 01 and 03. They looked around in a mix of pride and disbelief.

“That’s it?” Toji was shocked. “I really thought this was gonna be… I dunno. Harder?”

Maya’s face appeared on their comm screens. “Pilots! I managed to find the project files on the MPEs. They’re powered by artificial S2 cores.”

“So, no cables,” Asuka said. “You’re a bit late on that one.”

“No, you don’t understand!” Panic rose in her voice. “They can regenerate like Angels!”

She’d barely said the words before the MPEs began to stand up like shuffling zombies. Their wounds either sealed shut, or their flesh ballooned grotesquely before reforming.

Toji cried out, “Oh, man! That’s just cheating!”

The MPEs stood back up, and their mouths split to reveal needle-like teeth. They charged the Evas again, fighting with more skill and tenacity this time, instead of allowing themselves to be slaughtered. Two blades came down on Toji’s shield and cracked it. Asuka was disarmed of her axe, but she still tore her attackers apart with her bare hands. Shinji’s spear tore through their flesh.

But, within seconds, they got up again.

“Die, damn you!” Asuka leapt on them and tore through them with her bare hands. She pulled one of the massive swords out of the grip of an MPE and began to shop it into pieces.

“Asuka! Watch your back!” Shinji shouted to her, when suddenly, one of the MPE’s swords wrapped itself into a steel gray replica of the Lance of Longinus, and shoved it through Unit 01’s back, the tines bursting through its chest.

Asuka screamed Shinji’s name. Toji whirled around, and bashed the MPE’s head into gory pulp. Unit 01 slouched forward, hand on its chest. Shinji was trying to breathe. Blood pooled on his chest.

Toji didn’t notice that his power cable had been cut. A spear struck his shoulder. He screamed in pain, but struck back at his attacker.

Unit 02 raced to their sides. She yanked the spear out of Unit 01. Shinji let out another cry of pain, but willed his Eva to stand. Unit 02 slammed the spear into the MPE who’d used it, and the monster screamed out in horror. It finally slumped to the ground, destroyed.

Its sisters began to swarm them.

***

Ritsuko clutched her shoulder. It didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. That probably meant that she was going into shock. It felt like her shoulder was shattered. That was going to suck for the rest of her life.

If she lived that long. She looked across the chamber, where Lilith just stood over Gendo Ikari’s bisected remains. She didn’t feel any sympathy for the man, but the gruesomeness of his end felt like a bit much. She wasn’t sure what she would have preferred over it, though.

“Rei,” she called, but the girl didn’t answer. “Lilith. It’s over.”

“No,” she said. She looked up at the titanic form in front of them. “Not yet.”

“You don’t have to do this,” she said. “Gendo’s dead! SEELE can’t do anything to you! It doesn’t have to end this way.”

“Yes.” She looked back at Ristuko with sad eyes. “It does.” She walked up to the doctor, held her face in her hand, and kissed her cheek. “It’s all right. Rei forgave you, and so do I.”

Ritsuko realized that she was crying. She watched as Lilith floated up into the air, until she reached the height of her true body’s face.

“It’s time to go home,” Lilith said.

Her body melted into the pale flesh of the titan. It shuddered, and then a pair of legs extended from where its torso had formerly ended in a tangled mass of flesh. It pulled itself free of the cross, and when its feet touched the ground, its body changed again. Its shape became more slender and feminine. It reached up and removed its seven-eyed mask, and Rei’s face and hair unfurled from behind it. She looked down at Ritsuko, and smiled. Ritsuko smiled back.

***

They were dying. Asuka could feel it. The MPE’s false spears had punctured a dozen wounds into each of them. Unit 03 had one impaling its heart. Toji had gone silent. Units 01 and 02 were barely standing. Roughly half of the MPEs were well and truly dead, but there were too many of them.

Asuka felt Shinji’s hand clutching hers. His spear was pointed at the MPEs that encircled them, jabbing at each one that tried to get too close. Their AT Fields were useless against the replica spears, but his was just as deadly.

Asuka felt a fire rising up in her. She screamed. There was a flash in the sky, and the Lance of Longinus came speeding towards them. She caught it as it hovered over her Unit 02’s exposed core. She could see Shinji’s bloodied face on her monitor. Her loyal, beautiful idiot. He smiled at her. She smiled back.

“They don’t get to decide how we die,” she said. He nodded.

She let the Lance plunge into Unit 02’s core. It went straight through into Unit 01’s back, and through its core, as well. They felt their Evas merging, pulled in by the Lance’s gravity. It wasn’t painful, but it was so strange.

The last thing Asuka remembered clearly was seeing a giant, pregnant Rei floating through the air. What the hell was that about?

End Chapter 9

Chapter Text

Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any claim Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Children of Evangelion

Things We (Can’t) Forget

Chapter 10

There was void. Black. White. Up. Down. Together. Separate. It was all the same.

I just wanted someone to pay attention to me.//I wanted everyone to pay attention to me.

I wanted everyone to care about me.//I wanted anyone to care about me.

Mama, why did you leave me?//Mommy, where did you go?

Why can’t I love me?//Why do I hate me?

Please don’t kill me!//Please don’t kill me!

It was their voices, Shinji and Asuka, melding into one another, speaking as one and separate at the same time.

Why are you so stupid?//Why are you so mean?

You’re pathetic!//You bitch!//Kiss me!//Don’t look at me!//Touch me, please!//Go away!//I hate you!//I hate you!

Please, don’t leave me.//Please, don’t run away.

“Shinji?” Asuka’s voice managed to break through the cacophony of thoughts and feelings. “What is this? What’s going on?”

“I… I don’t know,” he said.

Spineless wimp!//Hateful bitch!

“No! I…” Asuka felt the pain shooting through her. “I didn’t mean that…”

“Auska,” Shinji said. He could feel her, near, in. She was right there. He pulled himself closer to her. “It’s all right, I promise. I didn’t mean it either.”

“I just wanted…”

“I wanted you,” he said.

“All of you.”

“Just you.”

“Us.”

“Me.”

“I.”

Their eyes opened. Warm water surrounded them. Asuka smiled. She remembered this. The NERV showers.

“First time?” she asked. Shinji was standing in front of her, just as naked as she was, trying not to shiver from the excitement and the cold air outside of the warm spray.

“Rei is on the other side,” he whispered. He remembered this, too. He was so anxious, so afraid, and now all of that seemed kind of funny to him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close, going through the motions of the memory, even if their words weren’t the same. “What is going on?”

“I… I don’t know,” he said, but he couldn’t suppress his smile. “Is this real?”

“It feels real to me,” she said. She felt him against her. “That is definitely real.”

The memory played out exactly as it should have. They felt together, one, for the first time. No doubt, no fear, no regret. Just We. Me. I.

Asuka jolted upright in bed. She was wearing her night clothes. Shinji snored next to her. The room was completely dark and silent. Had it all just been…?

She felt something dripping from her left eye. Tears? She wiped a hand at it. Her face felt… wrong. She looked at her hand. It was covered in blood. She screamed.

Shinji jumped awake beside her. There were two holes in his chest, and blood was pouring out of them. They both tried to speak but all that same out of their mouths was more blood and screaming and they couldn’t stop oh god what is happening please someone help…!

“Ssshhh. It’s all right.”

A warm, soothing, motherly voice. Rei’s voice.

“Rei?” Shinji looked around. He and Auska were back in the void, standing together, wearing their school clothes. “What’s going on? What happened?”

They remembered the MPEs. Unit 03, Touji–he was gone. The Lance…

“It has begun,” Rei said.

Asuka asked, “Wondergirl, what are you talking about?”

“The Third Impact,” she said. “We stand on the culmination of Human Instrumentality. Your AT Fields are at their weakest point. To put it plainly, your souls are joined together.”

“Souls?” Shinji felt surprised. “Souls are real?”

“Yes,” Rei-Lilith said. “The AT Fields are the boundaries of souls. Your union made yours porous in relation to each other. You leave a piece of yourself with another when you do this. It’s why it hurts so much to join together and to be apart.”

Asuka asked, “So, you’re saying..”

“Yes,” Rei-Lilith replied. “Joining together invites both love and pain. The line between physical and spiritual unions is fragile. They can strengthen over time, or break apart, and carry along, continuing to harm each other even when they don’t wish to.”

“Yeah,” Ritsuko said. “It’s called life, Lilith. It happens. People change. They grow.”

They saw Ritsuko, at sixteen, watching Gendo Ikari make out with her mother. She saw them. Her mother didn’t notice she was there, but Gendo did. He was smiling at her.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Shinji said.

A gunshot. A crash. A bloodstained fall.

“I think I’m going to join you,” Asuka said. “Your father was…”

“I know,” he said. His father was walking away from them, leaving him in the rain, crying, begging for him to come back. He felt Asuka around him. The image faded.

Then, it was his turn. The red door appeared. Asuka was running towards it. The doll. The shadow. She screamed.

“It’s not real!” Her mother shouted. “I’m right here, Asuka! Remember me!”

She felt her mother’s protective warmth, Unit 02, surrounding her.

“I… I remember, Mama,” she said. “I know. That wasn’t really you, anymore. Just… a broken mirror. That’s all. I don’t blame you.”

Her mother asked, “But have you stopped blaming yourself?”

She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t. Again, her mother was around her, and Shinji, and Rei. Her family. They were all there.

“Let it go,” her mother said. “Please. Let it go.”

The image faded away. It was just her, Shinji, and… her mother? She was standing there with them, in the pilot’s lounge. She held a coffee in her hands and was glaring at her boyfriend.

“So, young man,” she said sternly. “Are you proud of yourself?”

“Asuka… Asuka…” His panting voice came from somewhere else.

“Mother, stop it!” Asuka stood up and slapped the table. “Leave him alone! I… I wasn’t any better, okay?”

The image of her grabbing him and pulling him into the school janitorial closet filled their minds.

“I wanted him,” she admitted. “I still want him. All of him. He’s… part of me now. I can’t let that go, even if he’s made mistakes. So, have I. That’s the point, isn’t it? To learn from each other?”

Her mother sighed and resigned herself to the truth of her daughter’s words. “Fine,” she said. “But…”

“Break her heart,” Kaji said, “and you’ll be buried under these watermelons. Understand?”

Shinji stood over the watermelon patch. His watering can was almost empty.

“Yes, Mr. Kaji,” he said.

“Ryoji… Ryoji…” Misato’s panting voice.

“Aw, come on!” Asuka cried out. Kaji and Misato were in front of them, in college. It was the week they completely ignored their classes and stayed in bed together.

“Ugh, Misato! Kaji!” Shinji didn’t want to see it any more than Asuka did. They were the closest people they had to real parents in their lives.

“I’m sorry,” Misato’s voice echoed around them. “I… I never wanted you to know this side of me…”

“Drop the false modesty, really,” Asuka said. She couldn’t pass judgement on Misato for this anymore. She wasn’t any better–in fact, it was quite true that she was the more wanton one in her relationship with Shinji. “I get it,” she said. “Just… just stop pretending it isn’t normal. That’s all I wanted. I wanted you to admit you were human.”

Misato was standing there with them, her eyes welling up with tears. “Thank you,” she said. “I just… wanted to take care of you. I know, I was horrible, but…”

A baby was crying, somewhere. At first, they thought it was one of their memories, but then they realized…

“Misato,” Shinji said, “are you…?”

“Her name is going to be Kitomi,” she said. “Or… would be…”

“Dear diary,” Asuka said. She was standing at a vending machine with Rei. “Things I wish I didn’t know today, vis a vis Kaji's circumcision status…”

Rei spit out her soda as she laughed. “Yes, you did!”

“Did not! Not anymore, okay?” She huffed. “Your brother isn’t, by the way.” She smirked as Rei choked on her next sip.

“Asuka!” Shinji whined, even though he wasn’t there.

“Relax,” she said. “She already knows.”

Asuka and Rei peeked through the curtain dividing the locker room.

Rei asked, “That’s what it…?”

“Yep,” Asuka said. “And it’s all mine, Wondergirl. So, find your own.”

“I didn’t know he was your brother, then!” Asuka tried to defend herself. “Also, that’s on you!”

“I know,” Rei said. Then, she was with Kaworu, in a public bath. She straddled him. “Just stop talking,” she said.

“Oh, come on,” Shinji said. He knelt beside Asuka and covered his eyes. “Haven’t we had enough?”

“I think so,” Asuka said. “All right, Lilith! Enough! Put it back!”

She asked, “What do you mean?”

“All of it,” Asuka said. “Everyone and everything! Put it all back the way it’s supposed to be!”

“But” she said, “your existence is pain. You define yourselves through your fear of loneliness, of trying to avoid the pain of being isolated and the fear of not knowing how others feel. Would it not be better to all be as one? For all to know?”

“No!” Asuka responded as though she’d been asked the dumbest question to ever be asked. “So, we can’t always know what we’re all thinking. Big deal! That’s the point, isn’t it? We’re human beings, damn it! You created us like this! We’re supposed to learn and hurt and grow and change and fuck and forgive and screw up and love and try and fail and hurt and heal and give up and start again and… and… what the hell do you want from us if not to let us do it ourselves?”

Asuka screamed at her god.

“Put it back, please,” Shinji said. “All of it. Back the way it was supposed to be.” She felt Lilith’s hesitation. “If you can’t, then… at least let us choose.”

It felt like an age had passed before Lilith made her decision.

“Very well,” she said. “Everyone will get to choose. Everyone will be given a path back, if they want it.”

Asuka asked, “What about you?”

Lilith-Rei smiled and placed a hand on her swollen belly. “It’s time to start over, for all of us. Goodbye, my children. Good luck.”

***

Shinji and Asuka opened their eyes, and woke up together on a white, sandy beach in front of a red ocean. A cracked moon hovered in the sky above them. For a moment, they thought that they saw Rei’s face, as high as a mountain and split in half, in front of them, but it disappeared in the next blink of the eye.

“Did that…” Asuka tried to find the words. “Did that really just happen?” It sounded stupid, but there was no better way to put it.

“I think so,” Shinji said.

They were both in their plugsuits, but their wounds were healed. They’d been bandaged, at first, but Asuka couldn’t take the wait, and after a few minutes she tore the strips off to reveal renewed flesh beneath.

She asked, “Did we win?”

“I have no idea,” he said. He was glad the circumstances kept that from sounding as stupid as he thought.

They didn’t know how long they sat there. It could have been hours or days. But, eventually, everyone else started to come back. They waded out of the crimson surf, as dazed and confused as the two of them had been at first. Toji, pulling Hikari along after, who had her sisters and Pen Pen alongside. Then, Misato, and a few hours later Kaji, who had to endure both Misato and Asuka yelling at him for daring to leave his pregnant lover behind. Shinji had to admit that he took a little bit of sadistic joy in that.

The bridge crew, Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko… everyone started coming back. Neighbors they hadn’t seen for months. Classmates, even Chikago who ran up and hugged them both, babbling about some boy they’d never heard of. Yosuke? Whatever. Local shop clerks, NERV staff who had been killed in the invasion, soldiers crawling up on the shore weeping for forgiveness.

All of them. They all chose to come back. It was a reminder that it was more important to live than to fade away.

Finally, as they were embracing Misato and Toji, someone gasped and told them to turn around. They didn’t remember if it came from Hikari, or Ritsuko, or Maya, because it didn’t matter. They looked back at the sea of LCL, and saw a pale, blue haired girl rising out of the bloody waters with a dazed look in her eyes.

Shinji and Asuka ran towards her as fast as they could move. Shinji reached her first and grabbed her in the hardest hug that he could manage. Asuka tried to tell him to ease up on her but ended up gripping the girl just as tightly.

Finally, one of them eased up, and Shinji asked, “Rei… is it really you?”

She nodded. “Lilith let me go,” she said. “She… didn’t need me anymore. She let me live.” She smiled and her eyes filled with tears. “Big Brother. I’m here! I’m… I’m alive!”

Shinji and Asuka hugged her again, fiercely, and she hugged them back as best she could, never wanting to let go.

***

In the end, Eighty-two percent of humanity reconstituted from Instrumentality. That census did not include non-human entities that it was now revealed also contained souls, which included octopi, cetaceans, certain dogs, and a handful of ape clans. Certain hunting and culinary activities, both legal and otherwise, ceased immediately. Some that weren’t confirmed stopped just to be on the safe side.

As people came back, the truth of what had happened, including SEELE, NERV, and the corruption of the United Nations, came to light. Most were rightfully disturbed by the knowledge. There were calls for inquiries, investigations, and arrests. Most of the members of SEELE who had chosen to return from Instrumentality went into hiding. The JSSDF soldiers who participated in the assault on NERV Japan’s HQ were arrested, while their commanding officers resigned in shame. There was anger on all sides, but at Fuyutsuki’s insistence leniency was shown towards the enlisted men. The Japanese government was held responsible for the destruction and cost of rebuilding Tokyo 03.

The fate of the Evangelion Units themselves was a touchy subject. Most wanted them destroyed. The Mass Production Units were all absorbed by Lilith when she ascended. With Rei’s soul whole and restored, Unit 00 was decommissioned and dismantled. The other three were encased in bakelite tanks, finally allowing them to rest.

The LCL sea was placed under NERV’s official supervision. Gendo Ikari was placed under immediate arrest when he emerged. Shinji was notified and he went to NERV’s holding cells. His friends, especially Asuka, wouldn’t let him go alone.

The four pilots, accompanied by Kaji, stood in front of a plexiglass wall and looked at the hunched, shivering man inside. He was still wearing his old NERV uniform, though it was tattered and worn out. He wasn’t wearing his glasses or shoes or given anything he could try to hurt himself with. His gloves, notably, were missing, and he stared down at his empty right hand.

Shinji asked, “Can he hear us?”

Kaji nodded.

Shinji closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt someone squeezing his hand. He looked and saw Rei smiling at him. Gendo had raised her–he was her father too, in all the ways that mattered.

They stepped up to the glass together. Toji and Asuka hung back, scowling at the man. They had nothing to say to him. They’d fantasized about taking turns hitting him on the way here.

“Hello, Father,” Shinji said. The man didn’t look up, but he didn’t need him to. “They… they told me that when they found you, you were trying to go back into the LCL. They thought you were trying to drown yourself.”

Gendo said nothing, but Shinji wasn’t terribly surprised.

“They’re going to put you on trial,” he continued. “Eighteen percent haven’t come back. You killed eighteen percent of the planet. You’ve been declared a war criminal. So, this is probably the last time we’ll see each other. But I just had to tell you that… I understand why you did it. I don’t hate you. I almost became you. I just… pity you.

“But, in its own backwards kind of way, I’m… happy. I have people who love me, who I love, in my life because you brought me here. You’re responsible for that, too. So, thank you.”

No one was sure if the man was even aware of their presence. Shinji sighed. He didn’t want to leave it this way, but it looked like his relationship with his father would end the same way it began. Rei squeezed his hand reassuringly. They started to turn away from him.

“She rejected me,” he said. Everyone stopped and turned around. He looked up. His eyes were hollow pits that barely managed to focus on his children. “Your mother,” he explained. “She was there. I saw her. It wasn’t enough for Lilith to punish me; she had to make me face my failures. She’d made me realize that I’d failed both of you. I sent you away, Shinji, because I knew that I couldn’t be the father you needed. I used you, Rei, to try and fill the hole in my heart. I used you all. Of all my crimes, those are the ones I regret the most.”

“You pushed away the ones who could have helped you,” Rei said to him. “Yui didn’t want that for you, or Shinji. She just wanted you to be happy.”

They left without exchanging another word. It would be the last time Shinji and Rei ever saw their father in person.

***

Misato and Kaji married two months after The Return, as it was now called. She insisted on having the wedding before she started showing.

“You sure you’re still gonna be able to fit in the dress?” Asuka muttered when she and Rei were asked to be bridesmaids and learned that Ritsuko was going to be the maid of honor.

“Asuka, be nice,” Rei chidded her, and insisted that they thank Misato for the honor.

When Kaji asked Shinji and Toji to stand with him, he was forced to explain that he had no family that would be there for him.

Toji asked, “Dude, do you really not have any adult friends?”

Kaji realized that it was true, and he hung his head in shame. Shinji awkwardly patted his shoulder, while giving Toji a confused shrug.

They managed to get through the ceremony in one piece. Their guest list consisted almost entirely of their coworkers and the pilots’ friends. Maya and Hyuga both cried, though for different reasons. It was so small that they held it on the balcony of Misato’s apartment. After their vows were said, Misato muttered that they needed to get more friends their own age.

During the reception all four Eva pilots found themselves on the balcony, looking out over the city. The city was already being rebuilt at a record pace, but it was still fairly empty and quiet. People were slowly coming back, for curiosity if nothing else, while many preferred to stay as far away from the LCL sea as they could.

Toji was the first one to speak up. “So, Rei, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask you. If you and Lilith are two different people now, then where is she?

Shinji and Asuka blanched at the suggestion–that the Second Angel was still out there, somewhere.

“She left,” Rei said matter-of-factly.

“She… she just left?” Asuka’s jaw dropped. “And you never told us?”

“This is the first time any of you have asked,” she said. “Honestly, I thought you knew. You were all there with us, joined together, briefly.”

“I… don’t think we all experienced it the same way, Rei,” Shinji said.

“Oh.” She blinked innocently. “Strange. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“And some of us saw things that we’re still trying to forget we saw,” Asuka said. She and Shinji both cringed. It was safe to say that their crushes on Kaji and Misato respectively were well and truly over.

Toji wasn’t satisfied with that answer. “Okay, but where did she go then?”

“Away,” Rei said. “She has a new Seed of Life, because of… things that happened between her and Adam. She’s gone to find a new plant to bring life to.”

Shinji asked, “And you’re okay with that? After she used you?”

“There’s nothing I could have done about it,” she said. “Nothing any of us could. So, if I had to make a choice, then yes. I choose to be okay with it.”

Asuka put down her drink and hugged Rei. “If you ever want to not be okay with it…”

Rei smiled. “I know. Thank you.”

“So, that’s it, isn’t It’s really over,” Toji said. “Goodbye, Angels.”

“Goodbye, Evas,” Asuka said.

“Goodbye, clones,” Rei muttered.

Shinji asked, “So, what do we do now?”

At that moment, Hikari came out. She asked, “What are you all doing out here? Come on, they’re dancing!”

Asuka smiled and took Shinji’s hand. “Come on,” she said. “I’ll show you.”

As Asuka, Shinji, and Rei went inside, Toji noticed something strange in Hikari’s expression when she looked at him.

“Hikari,” he said, “what’s the matter?”

“Toji… there’s something I need to tell you…”

***

One year after the Third Impact, Mari Mikinami arrived in Tokyo-2 for the reading of her late grandfather, Lorenz Keel’s, will. He, along with everyone else who hadn’t returned from Instrumentality, were officially declared deceased. The amount of paperwork generated by the decision was staggering, but for Mari the whole thing was a formality. She was her grandfather’s only heir. Her mother was a drunken socialite who had shipped Mari off to boarding school the moment she was able to walk. But her grandfather had always maintained close ties with his only grandchild, even going so far as to tell her the truth about Instrumentality.

Mari hadn't experienced it. She suspected that she was the only one. For whatever reason she was simply left untouched by it. It had been horrific to see everyone turn into puddles of orange goo only to reform hours later, but Mari took it in stride. She decided that it made her unique. Special. Possibly the most important girl in the world.

So, she wasn’t surprised when her grandfather’s lawyers informed her that there was one more matter for her to attend to. She was presented with a digital recording, her grandfather’s last message to her. They left her alone in a quiet room while she watched.

Her grandfather appeared on the screen. Despite his age and cybernetic implants, he practically radiated an inner strength and determination that Mari had always looked up to. Her grandfather was the singular most strong-willed man she’d ever known.

“Hello, Mari,” he said. She was surprised by how tired and worn his voice sounded. “If you are watching this, then what I have suffered is far worse than death. The Human Instrumentality Project has failed. The scenario laid out in the Dead Sea Scrolls can no longer be achieved.

“But that’s all right. Failure is a natural part of life, even when you’ve done everything correctly. All we can do is move forward and try to make a new plan. A better plan.

“And this is the plan I have decided on, Mari, and what your part to play in it will be.”

End Things We (Can’t) Forget

To Be Continued in You Can (Not) Forgive