Chapter Text
The second time those three met, the couple caught him by his arms, just to keep him from hitting the ground as he fainted. He refused an ambulance, refused their charity, and even refused their names. All they could do was drag him to lean against the nearest building, and leave him there.
The third time they met, however, the couple wouldn't take no for an answer. The mysterious man they owed their entire relationship to-- they couldn't just let him die.
Despite Ichimatsu's weak protests, he was propped up by the attractive pair, helped down to sit at a closeby ramen stand. His stomach twisted at the sight and thought of food, and the steam from the noodles was almost enough to knock him out. The man of the couple used a hand to steady him before he could fall out of his seat.
The vendor's face contorted at his new customers. “Sorry, we're actually just closing up,” he murmured.
Ichimatsu knew the truth; nobody was going to serve anyone who smelled as terrible as he did.
If I couldn't afford food, what makes you think I could afford the bathhouse?
Even if he could, he wouldn't have been able to bring himself to use it. The only facility in the city that wouldn't kick him out of the men's bath was the one near his home, and he wouldn't use that one if it meant the risk of running into family.
I can never go home.
The woman of the couple crossed her arms. “It's not even near closing time!”
“Y-yes well, I have to end early for the holidays! You know how it is,” the vendor stammered. She must have been a regular.
She scoffed. “I really don't. We'll just take our business elsewhere.”
Walking down the brightly-lit streets, there was a long period of painful silence between the three. “Our apartment's not that far away,” the man finally spoke up. “We have food there if you want. And a shower...”
Thanks for rubbing it in.
Ichimatsu turned away. “Don't bother. If you really wanted to help me, you'd just get me something from the convenience store.”
The woman waved her hands in disagreement. “No, that's no good! You should have something special on Christmas!”
It's Christmas?
When you lived on the street, even for just a couple months, every day felt the same to you. When you slept in a dark alleyway, there were no ornaments or decorations to marvel at. Even the cats he looked after had no sense of the holidays; to a stray, Christmas meant nothing. And boy was he ever a stray.
I guess even trash deserves to be treated sometimes.
“...Fine.”
These people were stupid for letting him into their home. If their apartment was considered “cramped,” he couldn't tell-- every room felt large to him. If their food was considered “cheap off-brand junk,” he didn't know-- anything cooked tasted as if it came straight out of a restaurant. Even the shower, which they claimed “was too hard to operate,” seemed like a godsend.
Although boiling, it felt amazing on his skin. He recoiled as he looked down to discover all the water going down the drain was a muddy brown; how much dirt had he accumulated over time? That combined with the bad weather; it was no wonder he hadn't been well in the past week. It didn't help that the warmest thing he owned was a sweater that became so loose on him, his chest didn't even show through it anymore.
At least I don't have to bind nowadays. Considering the circumstances, that's probably not a good thing.
He felt a little less guilty about using up the couple's utilities now that he was clean. Even if he was the human embodiment of waste, he was still more tolerable to be around without an extra layer of grime.
Ichimatsu stepped out of the shower to find that his old mask and clothing had been replaced with others. Judging by the size of the clothes, they definitely didn't belong to the man. It was pretty embarrassing... he looked more like a child than a woman, and he sure as hell didn't look like a guy anymore. Not only was he barely five feet tall, but just how thin had he gotten since he left home? He was sure if he walked home right now to finish the other half of the imagawayaki he discarded, it would show right through his stomach.
Irrelevant. I'm not going back.
He was hesitant to wear the clothes put out for him, but the new mask he grabbed without a second thought. For as long as he could remember, his face felt incomplete without one.
He emerged from the room, nearly colliding with the couple on his way out. “These look more like pajamas than clothes,” he mentioned.
The woman nodded. “Yes! We figured maybe if you'd like to sta--”
“No.”
“But you can't leave now!” the man cried out. “It's freezing. You could die!”
Ichimatsu stared at the two, his labored breathing rattling in his chest. “And if I stay overnight, you could die. Dumbasses.”
“I don't und--”
Something inside him snapped. “The first time we ever met, I spontaneously combusted. What's to say I won't burn your apartment down?! You're really gonna trust a creep whose name you don't even know just because you've seen him before? I could be a criminal!”
The woman bit her lip. “...Are you?”
“No, but I could be.”
“You can barely walk five steps without losing balance,” she said flatly. “I think we'll be okay.”
At 2 a.m., the couple awoke to noises coming from the guest room. They knew it was Ichimatsu, but weren't sure what was wrong. It was a miracle they were able to convince him to stay the night, even if at one point they had to grab him by the shirt before he could run out the door.
They knew he had a place to live once; the first time they met him, he looked more like an unsettling human being than the harmless hollow shell of a man barely getting by. What could've gone on at home to make him act this way?
Meanwhile, he lay on his stomach, sweating profusely and hacking up a lung, tears streaming down his face as he realized how fucked he would've been had he not stayed inside.
I feel like I'm dying now, imagine what would've actually happened if I ran off.
Living with the Matsunos, he always vaguely awaited death. Now that he was a stray, the very real possibility terrified him. Still, he refused help because he felt he didn't deserve any. And now...
It's nice here. But if I squat any longer, I've overstayed my welcome.
Ichimatsu knew the couple would kick him out eventually, after he'd just gotten used to living like a person should. If he ever wanted food and a warm bed again, he'd have to go home.
I can't.
He remembered how proud his parents were that he was leaving, even though they never asked him of his plans. They clearly didn't want him there, his brother was a handful enough.
Osomatsu. He was a struggle to be around ever since Choromatsu left. He only got worse after the rest of their siblings disappeared one by one. It made Ichimatsu debilitatingly anxious. When Jyushimatsu finally moved out, he was alone and without support. He had no choice but to leave, too.
I can't go home.
He missed his parents. He missed having the freedom to leave his house and the luxury to come back at the end of the day. He missed his futon, even if it meant sleeping next to Karamatsu. He missed his family endlessly fussing over him. He missed his older brothers looking after him, and the younger two looking up to him. But if he went home, who would be there?
Things would never be the same. Even if his parents welcomed him with open arms, he'd never be able to wash away the shame and guilt of lying to them about where he'd been. He'd never get his siblings back. He'd never even get the old Osomatsu back.
I wanna go home.
What was he, a child?
I wanna go home!!!
He didn't even try to hide his strained sobbing as he heard the door of the guest room creak open.
“Hello? ...Are you awake?”
It was the man's voice. Ichimatsu forced his mouth shut, trying to keep sound from escaping him against his will.
“Yeah.”
The woman followed directly behind. “Sorry for barging in, we heard noises.”
“It's fine.”
“You don't seem fine.” Her tone was uneasy. “Do you need anything? Maybe some water, or someone to talk to...?”
He turned to them. “What's the point? All you're doing is helping me die slower.”
“It doesn't have to be like that,” the man slowly sat against the wall. “How old are you?”
“...23.”
“You don't have anywhere to go back to?”
Ichimatsu stared out the window, turning away from them as he answered. “I can't go home.”
“You don't have to tell us what happened if you don't want to, but...” the woman's voice trailed off as he looked back at her with a pained expression.
“I wasn't kicked out, if that's what you thought. My family just doesn't expect me there. They think I have a job and somewhere to live and I'd rather they keep thinking that. I can't...” he flopped over and buried himself in the blankets. “I can't disappoint them any more than I already have.”
He looked not unlike a coccoon, only much more miserable. The couple would've liked nothing more than to take him in their arms and tell him things would be all right, but they were still unsure of his personal boundaries. He was even younger than they were, and already he'd been through hell and back. Even worse, only his dignity kept him from returning home, and therefore from saving his own life.
“Is your family understanding?” the man approached him. “I'm sure if they knew why you felt the need to hide, they wouldn't blame you.”
He's probably right... but what if he isn't?
“How far is your house from here?”
Ichimatsu rolled further away. “I don't know. I have no idea where I am anymore.”
On top of being hungry and frightened, he was also hopelessly lost. A week back he considered finally walking home, but changed his mind again at too many wrong turns.
Some cat I am. Where's my sense of direction?
“If you write down your address,” the woman peeled back a layer of blankets off of him, “Could we possibly take you back sometime?”
“................”
I don't really have a choice, do I?
Part of him was relieved he wouldn't die out in the streets during the harsh winter, but most of him was terrified of what his parents would say if they saw him. Would they even recognize him as their son?
Ichimatsu poked his head out of the covers. “What if they don't let me in?”
The couple gave one another a knowing smile. “You shouldn't have to go back to your current life, you know,” the man assured him. “If you find yourself outside again, please don't hesitate to call us. We can leave you our number, as long as you give us your address.”
His chest felt as if it were burning, both from physical agony and indescribable emotion. One day he was barely breathing, vision fading as his body became numb to the wind and snow, the next he was returning to the old days.
“Okay.”
The entirety of the train ride, the couple couldn't keep their hands off of him. Not in a lewd sense, but they'd find any excuse to stroke his hair or pat his shoulder, thankful that he wasn't bothered. “Unbothered” was an understatement, he'd practically whine whenever they let go of him for too long. In addition to his name, they definitely figured out his personal boundaries in the end.
“We're getting close,” the woman gestured to the train map. “We might stand by in case they don't let you in.”
It was a fair deal. Ichimatsu also pointed out that since it was Christmas, he may only be allowed home for the holidays and booted out afterwards. It was unlikely, but not impossible.
By the time they reached the Matsuno residence, a hard-hitting fear overcame him; if he was welcome here for good, there was no returning to the streets... who would feed the cats? Would he still be able to visit them? And if all went well, would he ever have an excuse to see the couple again?
He turned away from his front door back at the two, heart climbing up his throat. He couldn't leave without showing some kind of gratitude, after all they've done for him.
“...Before I go, I just wanna say... When I first met you guys, I was envious. I don't really have anyone the way you have each other, so I thought scaring the shit out of a happy-looking couple last Christmas Eve would make me feel better about myself. Still... you're both... r-really... nnnnnhhh...”
God, I can't say it.
“You don't need to thank us, Ichimatsu-kun!” the man interjected. “After all, you've already done so much for us!”
...I have?
He accepted this statement and faced the door once more, ringing the bell and taking a deep breath. He prayed he wouldn't pass out as soon as the door opened. His heart was pounding, he couldn't chicken out now.
The door creaked open...
...Out stepped Osomatsu.
“Merry Christmas.”
He was just as unrecognizable as Ichimatsu was-- the months had been cruel to him, leaving him looking tired and unstable. Even then, he couldn't find it within him not to break down crying and embrace his little brother.
From a distance, the couple watched on and beamed, tearing up a bit themselves. Looks like they wouldn't have to stick around after all.
“Where have you been?!” Osomatsu shouted, gripping Ichimatsu's shirt. “You told me you were leaving but you never said where! Mom and Dad didn't know where you went, neither did the rest of us! I called everyone! Nobody could contact you!”
Ichimatsu let out a sigh of remorse. “...I really don't want to talk about where I've been. I'm actually here because--”
Osomatsu stepped back and led the younger sextuplet inside by the arm. “You wanted to see your big brother over the holidays! Come in, come in!”
“Osomatsu-niisan, listen to me,” the door shut behind them. “What's to say you won't kick me out once the holidays are over?”
Osomatsu's face fell. “What's the matter, don't you have somewhere to go back to?”
Ichimatsu said nothing. He figured that was the best answer.
Osomatsu was horrified. “Oh my god. You weren't ready to leave. You left without anywhere to go or any place to work, y-you... oh god, this...” the eldest collapsed onto the floor. “...This is all my fault! You never would've gone if it weren't for me! I'm sorry, Ichimatsu, I'm s-so sorry...”
Ichimatsu bent down to his level. “Don't be. I didn't have to leave.”
“And now you never will! When was the last time you've eaten? Where have you been sleeping?! Do you need any medical help?!?!”
This morning, outside, and probably.
He had to press down on the top of Osomatsu's head to calm him down. “Please... I just want to stay here.”
“Of course! And if our parents have anything bad to say about it, I'll never forgive them!”
That's going too far-- I mean, they'll probably feel lied to after they know everything.
Osomatsu helped his brother onto the couch of their room. “You should lie down. You look like hell.”
“Look who's talking.”
He laughed weakly. “I'm all right. Okay, maybe not, it's been lonely. But!!! Now I don't have to be! And I promise,” he choked out, “if either of us gets a job, he won't move out until the other one does!”
That sounds nice, but prepare to be stuck here forever. Who's gonna hire trash like me?
Ichimatsu watched the other man make a dash for the phone.
“What are you...”
“Mom and Dad are out for a few hours. I'll tell them you're here! Things are gonna be fine from now on, you know that? I promise!”
Ah.
Drifting off to sleep on the all-too-familiar couch, he wondered if he would've been saved no matter what, or if meeting that unsuspecting couple just a year and a day before determined his fate.
They wouldn't even let me thank them.