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Age 5
Marinette loved fairy tales, especially the ones her papa would tell her every night. It always ended with the magical princess or fairy and prince falling in love and a wonderful, happy ending. Marinette loved that. She also loved the idea of being a magical fairy princess herself, so one day she took out fake butterfly wings from her toy box, swung them onto her shoulders, and dubbed herself the knitting fairy.
Her ‘powers’ were to create stuff out of yarn and make people warm and perfectly comfortable. She proudly showed off her outfit to her parents in the bakery, who, of course, admired their daughter’s imagination. Marinette was also confused when they giggled about her goal of making a giant beret for the Eiffel Tower to keep it warm. She huffed and stomped her foot at that. How dare they not care about the city’s monuments’ physical comfort?
She was determined to keep everyone warm, regardless of whether they were a human or a tower that looked down on the city.
A few weeks later, she learns her maman had lost a scarf and as her daughter/knitting fairy, she attempted to make her a new one. During the process, she tried to get the right measurements (which is surprisingly tricky when you’re still learning how to do basic math) and carefully knit the yarn together perfectly. Though the needle painfully poked her hands multiple times, she ended up resorting to glue and tape.
When finished, the small girl practically skipped down the stairs excitedly with the gift in her bandaged hands. “Maman! Maman!” She exclaimed loudly as she ran into the bakery.
Her mom sweetly smiled as she held her purse over her shoulder, about to walk out the door to run her errands, “Well, hello there, my little knitting fairy.”
Marinette beamed and bounced on her heels as she handed her the piece of fabric like it was a prize, “Maman! I made you something to protect you from the cold!”
The woman gasped and placed her hands over her mouth in an exaggerated awe, “You made this for me? Oh, it’s so cute, it’s amazing…” Sabine stared down at the disfigured clump of yarn in her hands, trying to discern what it exactly was.
Luckily, Marinette answered proudly, not registering the confused look, “It’s a scarf! You’re supposed to wrap it around your neck! It’ll protect you from the cold! Like this!” She took the yarn out of her mom’s hands and excitedly pounced it over Sabine’s head and onto her neck, her mom let out a startled yelp and jerked back. She blinked and looked down at Marinette’s creation; the threads were already falling off as it hung loosely around her neck. She looked up at her with her hands clasped together in anticipation. “Do you like it? I couldn’t figure out the needle, so I used glue and tape.”
“Oh…it’s…it’s lovely dear.” Meanwhile, Tom was giggling to himself as he watched the whole spectacle.
Marinette’s eyes darted between her mom and dad, her smile morphed into a pout, “Maman, why is papa laughing?”
Sabine sighed and sent a quick glare to him before she forced a smile back at Marinette, “It’s nothing, dear, Tom, knock it off!”
Her dad wiped a tear from his eye and chortled, “Sorry, my honeybun, it’s just…well…” He shrugged at the scarf and the threads coming undone.
Her mom frowned in disapproval and rolled her eyes. Marinette’s excitement was dampened. “Is everything ok, mommy? Do you…not like it?”
Her mom quickly knelt down to Marinette’s eye level and rested a hand on her shoulder, “Oh no, I love it dear, it’s unique…” Tom snorted, and Sabine sent another quick glare and glanced back at Marinette. “It’s special, especially because it’s made by you! I’m going to cherish this scarf forever.”
The girl blinked and looked down to where a lot of the threads had already broken off and fallen. Her mom’s neck was barely covered. “Really? But…it’s falling apart.” She mumbled.
“And it’s still wonderful! You’re very creative, and with practice, you’ll keep getting better and better! I’m very proud of you for trying to make me a scarf!”
Marinette couldn’t help but grin.
She was grateful she made her maman happy, yet…her eyes once again fell down to the fallen remains of the scarf, the corner of her lips slightly twitched downwards. It was supposed to be perfect; she’s the knitting fairy after all.
“If only I had been better.”
Age 9
“Way to go sweetie!” Her father congratulated her with pride as he stood over Marinette in the kitchen who had retrieved a fresh batch of macarons out of the oven.
Marinette beamed, even though she wasn’t going to follow her papa’s footsteps of being a baker and wanted to be a designer(She outgrew the knitting fairy idea a year ago), she still loved helping him in the kitchen. “Thanks papa! I hope people will like it! I tried to follow all the instructions like you said!”
He patted her back reassuringly, “And I bet you did fabulous, and everyone will love it.” He placed the macarons on the plate, handed her the plate, and headed to the kitchen. “Come on, honey, we've got customers waiting!”
“Coming, Papa!”
The bakery was bustling with incoming customers. Her maman helped with the register as she and her papa approached the customers. Some of whom Marinette had seen before, some were friends of her parents, or her friends' parents. Others were completely new faces, one of which was at a table that had caught her papa’s attention. “M. Roux!” He gasped and winced in shock.
Marinette turned and glanced up at her papa, perplexed, “Who?”
Her papa took a deep breath to calm himself. “Marinette, that man is one of Paris’s biggest food critics; his opinions can influence our business!”
“Really? But he’s just one guy, and you told me that one person’s opinion shouldn’t be that big of a deal to you. Right?”
Her dad blinked and nervously rubbed the back of his head, “Well… yeah…”
“So why is it so important what he thinks? It’s no different from Chloe and me, right?”
Tom cringed, wishing Sabine were next to them. She was better at explaining this stuff. “Well, honey it’s a little different in this situation, he can actually affect my job.”
Marinette was puzzled, Chloe’s bullying also affected her in school. How was this any different? She noticed how tense her father looked about this man. She didn’t like how uneasy her papa looked; her mouth turned downward as her eyes sharply glared at the man at the table. Maybe there was something that could be done. “Maybe I can give him one of the macarons I made, that’ll make the mean man be nice to you, papa!”
“Uhm…I don’t know-MARINETTE!” Her papa called after her as she had already made up her mind and marched up towards the man, very determined. Marinette held the plate of macarons firmly in her hands, she will fix this, she would fix-
Her foot hit a hole in the floor and instantly she began to fall, her arms flailed as the macarons flew all over the place and some even on M. Roux. The glass plate shattered onto the floor as Marinette fell onto her face.
“What do you think you’re doing, you little brat?!” A deep, nasally voice wailed in disgust. Marinette grimaced as she lifted up her head to see M. Roux wiping off the macarons in annoyance. She gulped as her voice cracked, “Sorry, I’m so sorry…I’m kind of clumsy. I just-uh- wanted to give you some macarons I made and…”
“By dumping them on me?!” He shrieked in a shrill voice. “You dumb little girl, this is a bakery not some daycare center! What is wrong with this place?!”
Marinette shrank into herself, her face flushed. Oh what had she done?! Her papa was by her side within seconds,“Sweetheart, are you ok?”
M. Roux scowled, “This is your child?”
He was met with a frown, and her papa nodded, “Yes, this is my daughter, and I’m the owner of this bakery. And I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to my child like that. She was just trying to help!”
He huffed, “You call that help? All I see is unprofessionalism with you having your child run loose like that. A real parent would have their child out of the kitchen so they wouldn’t create such a disaster!”
Marinette’s lips turned into a deep frown, and her eyes began to water as M. Roux continued his rant on her dad's management of the bakery. Her papa loomed over the scrawny man, yet the man still yelled red in the face. Her heart sank as her papa argued with him; they wouldn’t be arguing if she had made such a mistake. Her papa reassured her she was fine, but it was clear M. Roux thought otherwise, and guilt pooled into her stomach.
Marinette shouldn’t have tripped; she should have been more careful. Why was she like this? She failed
“If only I had been better.”
Age 13
Marinette is a klutz and often causes disasters. She knew that her friends knew, and family knew. Yet, the tiny floating bug-mouse thing who calls herself Tikki is saying she was chosen to be a superhero? How was this even happening? Was this even real? Did Marinette accidentally eat something she shouldn’t have again, and is hallucinating? It would explain the strange tiny creature chirping in her ear, telling her to transform.
Unfortunately, it was very real, and the giant monster, who is apparently her classmate Ivan, she had to fight with her cat-themed partner while in spandex, was horrifyingly real. After the battle, she hoped it would be a long time before she dealt with that again, or better yet, never happened again.
It wasn’t long until the Akuma had returned and Ivan once again turned into a monster. How could this happen?
“Have you purified the Akuma?” Tikki had asked her while chewing on a cookie. Marinette blinked, she had not. Now the Akuma has multiplied itself.
Marinette inwardly scoffed to herself, Just her Marinette luck, isn’t it? She couldn’t ever get things right, whenever she tried to fix things, they just got worse.
After attempting and failing to give away her earrings to Alya, Ladybug and Chat Noir were once again thrown into battle.
This time they have won. She wanted to give up. The officer certainly thought like she did. Ladybug was a failure. Chat Noir was the support she needed to keep going.
She learned her job as Ladybug was permanent after that battle until they defeated Hawkmoth. Luckily she managed to balance her superhero life and civilian life. One of the things in her civilian life was to get Adrien’s attention. She had fallen helplessly in love with this boy.
Still as she stood, balancing her two lives, she was still a klutz. Marinette may be a hero, but could never even utter a sentence to Adrien. Every sentence was filled with stammering and word vomit, her heart was obsessed. She wanted to faint whenever he was nearby. Why can’t she just be normal?
‘If only I had been better.’
Age 14
Badum, badum…
Her heart thudded against her chest, the visions of Chat Blanc flashed in her mind. How could this have ever happened? They were partners! Why would he do this? How could Chat have fallen to Shadow Moth’s akumatization? All she knew was it had something to do with their identities. Ladybug fixed it once, thankfully, but what if it happened again?
Ladybug talked to Master Fu, who was shocked to hear the story of the alternate timeline. He told her that it’s best if Chat never finds out. The master never gave a full reason other than “The best kept secrets are the ones you never share”. A part of her wanted to tell Chat, they were partners after all…But maybe Master Fu is right in not telling him everything. He is the guardian after all. She ignored the gnawing feeling of guilt.
Unlike Chat, Ladybug had grown close to the mentor, like a second father to her. She would do anything to protect him.
Yet, she was the reason he was now gone. Marinette was the guardian now, Fu doesn’t remember anything and it was all because she forgot to transform back to see him! She thought she could fix it with her miraculous ladybugs but it failed. She wanted to apologize to him repeatedly for what she did, but what difference would it make? She failed him, she can't fix it.
Later as she dropped him off at the station, the thought came in again like a mantra.
“If only I had been better.”
Age 14 y 7 m
Ladybug had lost the kwamis. She sat on the rooftop as her knees drew to her chest her face buried in her arms as tears trickled down her cheeks. The miraculoses that Master Fu entrusted her with are now in the hands of Monarch. All because she thought Felix was Adrien! How could she have been so blind? Ladybug hated Felix so much, but still hated herself more.
The cold raindrops fell, pattered onto the ground. Her suit made it impossible to feel the droplets, though her hair had gotten wet. She deserved it.
“I lost everything!” She cried on the rooftop, she didn’t deserve to be the guardian.
“But you haven’t lost me.” Chat Noir’s soft voice reassured her, his hand outreached to hers as she looked up at him.
Ladybug’s cheeks burned and heart pounded in her ears. Of course her kitty would still be here, her loyal and silly kitty. She was pulled into a hug, she felt warm and safe in his arms. Yet the guilt remained. She had pushed him aside, she lied to him, she kept secrets from him! Determined that Master Fu’s old advice, “Best kept secrets were never shared” should be followed. Why did she let fear get in the way of her partnership with him? Maybe Chat Blanc happened cause she pushed him away?
She could feel his breath against her neck as he spoke, “We will get them back, one by one…you and me.”
For a moment she felt like it was their first day as heroes again as he consoled her, sharing his belief in her and their partnership. It was reliving. Yet…
‘If only I had been better.’
Age 14 y 8 m
Gabriel Agreste was Monarch. Monarch was Adrien’s father!
Marinette now alone stood in front of him down in their basement. He was detransformed now, the brooch had fallen in the water. The horrifying villain was now reduced to a weak old man. She didn’t feel fury, instead she felt pity for him.This was her boyfriend’s father, Marinette didn’t have the strength to just toss him in jail.
Maybe he could change like Shadybug and Claw Noir did if she extended an olive branch. Her parents did teach her to always give people a chance to change…
Her hopes were dashed when the wish had been made, Gabriel was dead and Adrien was now an orphan. She failed him…She wanted to fix it, why didn’t Gabriel change? Why did Adrien have to be an orphan?
Her mind scrambled for answers, how could a parent do this to their child? Her parents could never leave her, it was truly confusing.
His father wanted Adrien to never know he was a villain, that counted for something right? That he cared about Adrien's feelings?
Thus, Gabriel Agreste has now died as a hero. He’s the one who defeated Monarch to the world, not Ladybug. To the world they won…when really they had lost, Gabriel got his wish and Adrien was alone. But…she did the right thing, right? Best kept secrets are never shared…Adrien is happy…she fought back tears while attempting to sleep.
“If only I had been better.”
Age 15
“Where and how did you get this?”
Marinette’s blood ran cold as she had walked into her room and saw Adrien holding an eerily familiar envelope addressed to him. His eyes darkened as he glared back at her.
No, no, no!
Marinette swallowed thickly, “Uhm…well its…a long story.” She nervously chuckled.
“Where did you get this?” He asked again, his voice unnervingly even and calm.
She wanted to run, but felt paralyzed as her boyfriend stared into her soul. She couldn’t bear to look at him as she stared holes into the floor and twiddled her thumbs, “I…I got it from…your room. It was when you were showing me your childhood boxes.” She admitted weakly.
Adrien blinked, but remained silent. Marinette inwardly pleaded for him to yell or scream at her, because the deafening silence while he glowered at her was even more tortuous. “I’m so sorry, I…I…”
He inhaled deeply through his nose, his eyes shut as his hand tightened its grip around the letter. “Why?” He tried to steady his voice, but failed as it cracked, “Why did you lie to me?” Tears had begun to stream down his cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me about this, Marinette?! Why did you take this?!” His voice heightened with each question as Marinette shrank into herself. She wished the floor would swallow her up. Her mind swarmed to give him a good answer, but that would be impossible.
“I…I don’t know. I was…I was going to show you eventually and then you were going off about papa corn and I felt bad and I didn’t want to hurt you and…I was trying to protect you!” She defended, throwing her arms up, helplessly.
“Protect me? From what?! I’m not a little kid, Marinette! I deserved to know the truth about my own father!!” He shot back with tears in his eyes, his body shook as he tried not to burst out crying. “In the letter, he asked me to become the next monarch…did you think I was going to do it? Is that why you hid it from me?”
Marinette instantly shook her head, she really had messed up. “No, no, Adrien! Of course not, I know you’re better than your father! I…I just really don’t want you hurt, I mean if I found out one of my parents was a villain destroying Paris, I would have been devastated.”
Adrien’s frown deepened and he raised an eyebrow, and folded his arms. “But you would want to know, wouldn’t you?”
Marinette tensed, she wanted to say no…but that would be a lie. She hates liars. She opened her mouth and closed it in shame and defeat. She would want to know.
Adrien sighed heavily as he looked away angrily, “That’s what I thought.” He turned away, “You know, I expected Ladybug would lie to me about this, she’s lied to me before…but you? You’re my girlfriend, Marinette. We trusted each other!”
Marinette winced at the pain and betrayal in his voice, she had failed him. She slowly approached him, her hand slowly reaching out to try and comfort him. “A-Adrien…I’m so sorry, I…please.” Her hand gently touched his shoulder and he instantly shrugged her off.
No, this can’t be happening! No, no…
“Adrien, please!”
“I…I think I’m going to need some time to myself. I can’t look at you right now.” He spoke coolly as he quickly dashed up the ladder onto her bed and up to the balcony. Where was he going?
She began to follow when she heard, “Plagg, Claws out!” And a green flash followed. Her heart instantly sank.
She continued her path to the balcony and opened the trap door to see Chat Noir vaulting off into the sky.
Marinette immediately fell backwards and onto her bed at the sight. She felt sick to her stomach, filled with guilt.
Tikki immediately rushed to her side with worry, “Marinette!!”
She paid no mind to the frantic kwami as the revelation processed in her mind. Adrien is Chat Noir…Chat Noir is Adrien. She was dating Chat Noir and fighting akumas with Adrien. Chat Noir was trapped in the white cell that his father had forced him into. No wonder why he couldn’t be at the final battle with Monarch!
Her poor kitty, she had to fix this! But how?
Marinette glanced over to Tikki, guilt evident in her eyes. “Tikki…I messed up. I failed him.”
“Oh, Marinette, you did what you thought was best.”
She let out a scoff. Of course, it turned out terrible; no surprise there. What kind of superhero was she? Isn’t her power fixing things? Making it perfect?
She had to make it up to him…she just had too! Adrien deserved the entire universe!
Marinette laid there, sprawled out on the bed. Her eyes turned to Tikki who continued to watch in concern.
…hm, maybe there was a way…
———————————————————
“No.”
The firm answer wasn’t a surprise. Ladybug stepped closer to him, “But don’t you want them back? To have this undone.”
The boy returned a pained expression, “Of course I do but…not like this! There would be a huge price to pay!”
Ladybug hummed thoughtfully. “But we can choose the price.”
Chat’s eyes blew wide and his jaw dropped, “Have you gone nuts?! No, we are not making the wish! We both know that’s a bad idea!”
“I could make the wish. I want you to be happy.”
He sighed, “The wish won’t fix anything, Ladybug. So no, I won’t even give you my miraculous!”
“Adrien…” she pleaded helplessly.
As the two fought, neither noticed the butterfly fluttering into the room…
An eerily calm and soothing voice spoke inside Ladybug’s head, “Forgive my intrusion, but I sensed you were distressed.”
The last thing Ladybug saw was Chat’s horrified expression, “I’m sorry, my prince.” She spoke weakly.
‘If only I had been better.’
Age 15 y 7 m
Lady Chaos now stood in a shattered and vacant Paris. She had tried to create another reality on top of the old reality. A perfect reality. The reality where Adrien had his parents, she had the butterfly miraculous back, the new hawkmoth had been defeated. Everything was perfect.
Unfortunately due the old reality still being in existence since Chat’s powers would have been the one to destroy the old reality, they collided and reality collapsed. Everything she knew and loved was gone. Her friends, her team, her parents, Adrien — all gone.
She was alone.
In the past few months, Lady Chaos would sometimes ‘see them.’ Sometimes it would be a regular interaction, mostly it was Adrien angrily crying out, ‘you killed me, look what you have done’
Everytime she would get on her knees and cry. She just wanted to fix things, she wanted it to be perfect. Yet the universe fell…like the threads of yarn on her very first scarf. Wasn’t she Ladybug? She should have fixed it.
The air felt cold and harsh as she stood on a building that managed to stay standing. She sat down and hugged her knees for comfort. She could distinctly hear her sweet kitty, but dared not to look. He wasn’t there.
She failed. She got akumatized and the world is now destroyed.
‘If only she had done better.’
‘If only…’
“Ladybug?” His voice spoke again louder this time, she tensed and turned to see her partner alive and standing before her.Was he really there? Could it be?
Chat Noir slowly approached her cautiously, “Ladybug, what happened to you?”
Lady Chaos blinked, an eerie smile grew on her face. He was real. She could fix this, all she needed was his miraculous. Her powers alone did not work.
“Well, hello again my kitty.”