Work Text:
Dorothy Gale walked into camp and stacked the firewood she had been gathering. Dorothy was taking a brief camping trip in the Gillikin hills with her father, Casey Gale, the Shaggy Man. In a few days, they both would head out on further diplomatic missions for Queen Ozma. The Shaggy Man already had a small meal ready at the campfire and was scratching Toto’s head. He slipped Toto a somewhat-burnt piece of tree-grown steak. Toto devoured it and said, “As good as the real thing, as long as it’s cooked!”
Toto spoke this in the Emerald City dialect of Ozian. The three had agreed to practice their Ozian, and not to speak English. To do this, they had to keep shooing away the ever-present Interpretation Enchantment, which would pop up in the corner of their eyes, asking: "Wouldn't you like me to interpret that for you?", for it also pestered anyone practicing a language. The Enchantment had not been updated in thousands of years, and had quite a few bugs. But most damning of all, Glinda had said, "That thing has caused more than one war! I don't trust it!" and she had persuaded Ozma that the new Diplomatic Corps must learn the major languages of the Fairylands.
“I see you’re spoiling your grand-dog again. Soon Toto’s belly’ll drag the ground,” Dorothy said. Toto heard this, but continued begging. Casey tossed Toto a bit of freshly-picked dinner roll.
“He’s not anywhere near as plump and waddly as my grand-pigs,” Casey laughed.
Dorothy laughed and thought of Ozma’s miniature pigs, now grown, who rooted at everything in the royal garden. For safety, Ozma had removed all the poisonous plants from the Emerald City gardens. She had persuaded the plants to move in with Glinda. Fairies love all plants, and Ozma missed even the most cruel-hearted of them. But the plants were happier living in a Witch’s garden.
Back when Dorothy had first met Shaggy, she didn't know he was her father. Nor did she know that every so often, on his travels, he would pop in to see how she was growing up. For a long time, he had not dared to make himself known, not only for fear of Em beating him with some farming tool, but for fear of drawing danger toward the small family. But one time, after all danger had passed, he had dared to speak with Dorothy, and they had gotten lost and ended up in the Fairylands.
And at first, Dorothy also did not know that he was an habitual liar, and that he spun wild yarns. But in their adventures in the Fairylands, he had bathed in the Truth Pond. He couldn't lie, but the Truth Enchantment could not force one to speak, and so Casey did not divulge their relationship. But when Em and Henry came to live in Oz, they recognized Casey and had browbeaten him until he had given them the whole story of why Dorothy’s mother had ended up in Kansas, ready to give birth, and why he hadn't been there.
But that is a story for another time.
Around the crackling fire, talk turned to the subject of Fairies, specifically Ozma. "A Fairy, like any wild beast, must be treated with caution and respect," said Casey. "Wild beast?" questioned Dorothy. "I say that because Fairies live in the wild, and they certainly are not human, even when they take human forms," Casey answered.
"Yes," said Toto. "You might not have noticed, for you have hands, not paws, as we Canids say. Ozma is ferocious. She withstood the Foremost. And she still sometimes bites you. Her teeth are dull, but still, she needs training. You sometimes smack her backside, but it seems only to embolden her."
If it had not been twilight, Casey might have seen Dorothy blushing.
Casey looked off into the hazy lavender night. "Ozma appears to be mostly tamed. It may have been for the best that old Mombi raised her down in the Gillikin hills. Otherwise she might have torn the Emerald City to pieces. Here's what I've pieced together from what the Wizard, Mombi, Jellia, and Omby have told me. After King Pastoria died in battle with the Wicked Witch of the West, the Wizard barely escaped with his life. When the Wizard got back, Ozma's mother was gone, so Jellia put Ozma in a play room with an oaken door. Left unattended for a few moments, she tore the door off its hinges and got down into the catacombs. Mombi had to be called in to catch her. It was at that point the Wizard had Mombi take the infant down into Gillikin to raise her. He put out the story the baby had gotten away, and so stole Pastoria's throne.”
At this point, the Interpretation Enchantment popped up to Casey’s right eye - much like a mosquito - and he swiped it aside so he could continue without interruption. The Enchantment was useful, but would nag and nag to be used.
Dorothy wanted to make sure of something. “Em didn't believe in Witches, but Henry said mom was a Witch. You told me once you weren't a Fairy. But that was before you got truthificated. Is that still what you'd say? How do you know so much about Fairies?" Casey answered, "I’m mostly repeating things I’ve heard from Locasta. My brother and myself were born in the Fairylands, but I'm not magic at all. I lived most of my life in the world you were born in. You’re not part Fairy. I should correct you a bit; your mother was a witch, but not a Witch. That’s likely why you can pick up magic easily; you really should work at it.”
Toto chimed in, "Note the proper grammatical forms." Dorothy exclaimed, "You're a dog and you're lecturing me on Ozian grammar?" Toto resumed, "That is 'Dog', not 'dog'. I know that Munchkins don't use the proper forms, but it befits the Princess of Emerald City to speak properly."
"Okay. You’re sounding more and more like Glinda. Is she paying you to say this? Or is it blackmail? What does Glinda have on you?"
Toto weighed his response. How much did Dorothy know, and how much was she joking?
Toto then spoke: "Canids have a complex grammar. Far more complex than English. What you call ‘grammar’ is mere opinion and pomposity! Certainly, we have fewer words, but you English speakers have far too many. But I’ll admit that Ozian has too many prefixes, suffixes, tones, face wiggles, declensions, and cases. And sometimes you’ve got to figure out which foot to stand on! Both? Left? Right? Whose left and whose right? And just try making sense of those grammar rules if you’ve four feet! Study Wolvish! It is stately and economical. All the epic poetry of the Canidae is sung in Wolvish. Wolves are the repository of my kind’s greatest works. English 'grammar', though, is superior to that of the Felids, who have no grammar at all, but mere moods."
Dorothy interposed, "I think Eureka would disagree." Toto replied, "Of course she would disagree. What else would such a fell beast do?"
Dorothy turned to Casey and asked, "How do you tame Fairies?" Casey answered, "I don’t tame Fairies myself. But generally speaking, one can't threaten it or beat it, as is popular among our species. A Fairy is far stronger than a human. Fairies must be socialized, like puppies. Mind you, I’m only repeating what Locasta told me.” Casey rubbed Toto's head and coat and continued, “A Fairy is normally raised in a strong pack, much like a wolf." Toto added, "To speak in metaphors, Ozma is a giant, friendly Wolf. Glinda reminds me of a great Wolfhound. You are a Chihuahua."
"A Chihuahua?"
"Yes. You're small and snippy, among your kind. Though the fur on your head is fluffy, unlike a Chihuahua."
"Hair. Not fur."
"You're more like a Pomeranian, I suppose."
"And you're becoming more cat-like all the time. You've been spending too much time with Eureka and Bungle."
At this rebuke, Toto made certain motions which indicated that he was wasn’t going to speak any more for a long time. He had to conserve his words.
Casey continued, "I was telling the truth when I said it. I'm not magic at all. But I've had a lot of adventures with magical people. There's still a lot of magic back in our world. I’m sure Em told you there wasn't, though. And Em should know better, given she was raised in a family of Fairy Friends. The powers that be don't want people to know that. Like the Church. They want people to think they destroyed all the witches centuries ago and the Age of Magic is over. But they just pushed magic into hidden places. I sailed all over the world; most sailors will tell you they believe in magic. Even the religious ones like Captain Bill.”
Dorothy said, "Tell me about Johnny Dooit. You had to have known him before we got to the Fairylands. And didn't you use a spell to call him to help us?"
Casey replied, “I met Johnny when we had a little holiday on the Greek island of Lemnos. He was humming away fixing things in his shop. Anyway, the captain said we need to get a man who works like that. It was strange that he spoke perfect English, but with a Greek accent. He said he'd been all over. I wanted to know what made him tick. There's only one good way to get a man to do that. I got him drunk and he just kept talking about how his dad and mom had tossed him out. And how he'd been unlucky in love. How he'd married a beautiful woman and caught her cheating with a cruel man. He said he was old now, and he’d like to try a sailing life for a change."
"Anyway, we weren’t going to try saying what he gave as his full name. He decided to go by ‘Johnny’, and the captain would say ‘Johnny can do it! he can do anything!’. That’s how he got his nickname. We did quite a bit of shipping in those places.”
“Shipping or pirating?” Dorothy interrupted.
Casey answered, “Shipping of mostly legally acquired items; some items stolen by others. We weren’t pirates ourselves. But that life didn’t suite me, and caused me to despise the incessant desire for getting money.”
“It wasn't until later that I found out Johnny wasn't mortal. There was a great storm on the Mediterranean. We were about to go down. Johnny ran up to the side and I thought he’s going to end himself. I ran over to stop him and he told me plain as day he'd go down there and talk to his uncle. It was then he gave me that spell to call him if I was in his country. Then he jumped overboard. A few minutes later, the sea began to calm.”
“So who is Johnny?” asked Dorothy.
Casey said, “I’d bet he’s had many names over the years. I said I’d never reveal his real name, and I won’t now. But I’m sure you can figure it out with some reading in mythology; I think the Wizard’s got a book of Greek myths. And Glinda and her family have had dealings with Johnny.” Dorothy sighed, “So I come out here to talk with my dad and end up with a reading assignment? And I thought after I graduated the Academy of Arts and Athletics, I was done with study! You’re sneaky as the Scarecrow for provoking reading.”
If it had not been night time, Dorothy might have noticed Casey's lips forming a wry smile.
By now, Toto was dozing, having consumed goodly amounts of tree-steak. Dorothy and Casey continued to talk of more mundane things until the fire died down. At last, they covered the embers with dirt and went to bed.