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I took myself down to Madame Le-Phew
A young Turkish woman with who lives in the woods
She has a little house and sells magical goods
Including her special 'Love Potion 69'
Told her there was problems with the woman of mine
That she doesn't sing my name, and that's a sad sign
She looked me in my eye and said a magic word
"What you need is my 'Love Potion 69' "
She stood up, turned and gave me a big wink
"I'll make you a special batch now, here in my sink!"
Gave me a bottle, told me it'll do the trick
Told me to drink down her 'Love Potion 69'
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I drank it down
Then I drove home, fleeing with all my might
I opened the door and I had her in my sight
But then she started laughing and I knew the cure wasn't mine
So much for my bottle of 'Love Potion 69'!
I drove back to Madame Le-Phew
That same young Turkish woman who lived out of town
I asked her "What the hell!" with this bald head of mine!
She told me to keep my eyes open when swallowing it down
She laughed and made me some new 'Love Potion 69'
She asked me more bout my problems at home
I told her "If she sucks me off, I can't make her peak!"
She looked at my palm and told me not to speak
"You don't need to use spells on your lady to get what you seek!"
I growled and threw money at her for a new spell
"I need a new potion to bring back my hair!"
She shrugged and said, "Only fools drink what I sell."
So I went straight home, driving through the night
Before anyone could see my bald-headed flight
And hoping she would now scream my name out loud
I held my nose, opened my eyes, wishing you would be mine
As I drank my new bottle of 'Love Potion 69'
I hoped all would be right, as I shouted "Friend or Foe!"
She ran to me, but paused and asked, "What's this?"
I ignored her laugh and leaned in for a kiss
But she moved away, and laughed "Oh no!"
"William, why's your hair so bloody long!"
So much for the new 'Love Potion 69'
I drove right back to Madame Le-Phew
That same young Turkish woman said, "Oh, its you."
Growled at her "Its all your fault, this new hairy problem of mine!"
She laughed and old me, "You don't need 'Love Potion 69' "
She told me, "Listen up if you want your woman to come like a train!"
"If you don't want to fail and for all be in vain!"
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign
"You don't need a different 'Love Potion 69' "
She stood up and put her hands on her hips
She turned to me, said, "Listen, fool, read my lips!"
"I'll give you something that'll cure your sad refrain."
She gave my a potion, told me to drink it right down
"It doesn't taste like it ought to," I gave her a frown
She told me, "No potion needed, that it was just water!"
"No potion needed, give, as well as take, just like you aught to!"
"No potion needed, just switch around your union!"
"No potion needed, 'cept the one made by your woman!"
"Your own Love Potion 69!"
I drove straight home, dropped my pants and pulled at hers too
We both used our tongues and I heard her whine
And when she reached her peak, I also had mine
No potion needed, she kissed me, I kissed her till she screamed!
No potion needed, everything was just as I dreamed
I only need my special 'Love Potion 69'!