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"William!"
"Why are you bloody phoning me! I was in the middle of a fucking meet—"
"Please, William, just listen, I don't have much battery left! You know how I went away, to see friends in Nottingham today—"
"I told you not to fucking go! It's too fucking far to travel there and back in just one day! I know that you're as fucking short as a bloody hobbit, but—"
"I know, but please just listen!"
"Speak!"
"I was supposed to change trains here at five, but something broke down and there's no trains and I'm stuck at the station. Everyone else took taxis to the next station on, but I don't have the cash. So I'm stuck and it's getting dark and—"
"Where!"
"Grantham."
"Stay there! Do not fucking wander off or get a taxi, or do any fucking thing! Stay at the station! Wait for me there! I'll come and get you! Do you understand!"
"Stay at the station and wait for you."
"Good! Do not use your phone and don't use it unless it's absolutely fucking necessary! Stay in the waiting room, where it's safe! I'll be as quick as I can, which will be around two hours!"
"But… Oh…" She stared down at her phone. "He's gone…" She shoved her phone and her hands back in her pocket and went to sit in the lonely waiting room. The clock in the corner tick, tick, ticked too slowly for her liking. Showing her one hour, then, just before it showed her the second hour, the door to the waiting room slammed open.
"William! Thank god!" She rushed over to him, barreling into him, making him release a loud oof!
"Don't thank god, thank the car pool and them having a fast enough car available! Come on, lets get the fuck out of this arse end of nowhere!" He grabbed up her bag and bundled her out and towards his waiting car. "Get in. Let's go!"
She obeyed without question and settled herself in the passenger seat. Placing her hand on his thigh. Taking his closeness and his warmth into her, warming her chilled fingers. She dropped her head back against the headrest and allowed his close comfort and the noise of the road to soother her and lull her off to sleep.
A loud swear woke her up with a start.
"Fucking, fuck!"
"William…?"
"Fucking stupid bloody fucking car, fucking stupid fucking traffic fucking jam, fucking, fuck!"
"Where are we…?"
"The fucking boil on the arse end of fucking nowhere! While you were snoring and dribbling against my shoulder, there was a diversion off the A1 because of some fool idiot, fucking crashing, so we had to take a smaller road, then I had to turn off of that, because everyone and his fucking wife had the same idea! And now the fucking car has fucking broken down!"
"Oh…" She stayed silent as a litany of ripe swears flew around the car's interior. Waiting for him to finish hitting the steering wheel and quieten, before daring to speak. "But there must be somewhere nearby…? Where we can stay…?"
"Not for fucking miles!"
"Oh…"
"I told you to fucking wait until the fucking weekend! But oh no! Little miss 'I know what I am doing' and 'I've been there before' and 'I need to see them now, not the weekend'. Ha! See where your eagerness gets you!"
"But, they were leaving for Australia this weekend, emigrating… and I wouldn't have another chance… I'm sorry…"
He sighed and stared at her. Watching her sniffle and wipe at her cheeks. "That's all done and gone now! We are here and that is that! We will have to camp here, in the car, for the night."
"Can't you call a breakdown thing or phone a garage?"
"My phone is out of battery. As is yours. As is the bloody car! So here we stay, until the morning when its light and I will walk to the nearest village to use a phone there!"
"Oh… Um… Okay… But… I need to…?"
"Go in the bushes outside!"
"Um…?"
"Use them to hide behind. Not that you'll need to! There's no other fucker in this hellhole of a miserable fucking layby to spy on you! I'm fact, you could piss in the middle of the fucking road and no-one would fucking notice!"
"You would…"
"Me? I've seen most of you! Probably more of you than anyone else has, saving for your mother, or whoever changed your nappies!" He waved a large hand to emphasise his point. "Go piss, woman, I will refrain from watching, to save your timid blushes!"
"Thank you, William."
"Hmmph!"
While she was busy, he exited the car and went to the boot. Fetching the torch and a rug and her bag. Placing the rug on the back seat, he shone the torch at her bag. Using the light to aid his rummaging around, in amongst her belongings. Smiling, as he found a full bottle of water and some snacks.
"William…?"
He held up his findings. "At least we won't die of starvation or thirst then!"
"And you always laugh at me for having too much food in my bag and being over-prepared for everything," she giggled, reaching over for the hand-gel to clean her hands.
"Ha!"
"I heard something… in the bushes!"
"Did you piss on it?"
"What!"
He shrugged. "In my experience, in the army, you see some bug or animal or other fucking human get too close, when you are otherwise occupied with your… ablutions… you move and you piss on it and it, or they, soon fuck off!"
"Oh, William!"
He raised an eyebrow and allowed a smirk to grace his regal features at her mirth. Patting himself on the back for replacing her sadness with smiles.
"Come on then, get in the back and make yourself comfortable. It's a good job I chose this saloon from the car pool and not the coupe I was going to take."
"Why's that?"
"More legroom! You are fine, being pint-sized, but some of us have longer damn legs. Go on, move along, make room, I'll be there anon, it's my turn to water the local wildlife!"
She sighed and spread the rug over her legs and waited. Smiling, as he shuffled into the back seat with her and re-arranged the wide, tartan rug over the both of them. She closed her eyes and snuggled against his warmth. Allowing sleep to take her in its arms again. But this time, she was wrapped about with William's arms too.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Wazzit…?"
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Oi! You in there!"
She woke with a start, shying from the bright light that was being shone into their shared sanctuary. Shuffling away from William, as he moved and exited the car. Listening from the warm cocoon of the back seat of the car, earwigging on the conversation between him and the police officer who had knocked on their window, waking them. She blinked up at William, as he stuck his head back into the car.
"The officer has called for a breakdown truck. So go ablute, before it arrives!"
"Oh, yes!"
"It appears that our little camping expedition has been cut short!"
"That's a shame…"
"A shame! What!"
"Yes, I would have liked to have you all to myself all night, again… Even if your knee and elbow were both digging into me and you were snoring in my ear, fit to wake the dead!"
"Hmmmph!" he huffed, but his huffs turned into harrumphs of laughter, as he noted how she was smiling up at him. She looked as rumpled and dishevelled as he felt. But her eyes shone in the moonlight and she was smiling and not crying. "Next time we go camping, it will be in one of those places with flushing toilets and a proper bed!"
"Next time?"
"Hmmph!" He turned away, not allowing her to see his red, heated face, turning to walk towards the breakdown truck that had just pulled up into the layby.