Chapter Text
What the hell would I be without you? (What the hell would I be?)
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Isn't it unfair, depending on them like your life depends on it (maybe it does)
Isn't it unfair, keeping them in the dark like revealing the truth would tear you apart (maybe it does)
Isn't it unfair, having to keep your distance and in return, having to watch your best friends fall in love like it doesn't feel like every smile and every hug rips your heart out of your chest, beating and yearning and begging, quietly (it does, it does, it does)
You want to be okay with it, really. You don't want your face to fall when they finally tell you even though you've known for a while - of course you did, you had eyes and they, both of them, were all you've ever seen. You don't want to nervously tug on your sleeves, you don't want to hide. You really don't. But it's hard when they stand there and the long the silence lasts, the more Zoey's face crumbles. Like she did something wrong. Like she could ever do something wrong.
'It's not you, it's me. It's me, I'm sorry', you want to beg the black haired girl, plead for her understanding. Always considerate, never too much. Just right - except now you aren't. You're letting her down, you're letting both of them down. Why can't you be happy for them, why-
"Rumi..?", she speaks tentatively, carefully, like you're about to break. Your patterns burn beneath the thin layer of your sweater, burn into your skin and you can feel the shame spread, can feel it clawing at your chest. It presses into you and threatens to twist your guts. Being held at gun point would probably be fun compared to this.
"I- sorry, does Bobby know? Do we-"
"This isn't about him. We wanted to tell you because we love you"
'If you actually loved me, you wouldn't try to rip us apart', you almost say it. Almost betray yourself and let jealousy's ugly head rear. But you don't, can reel it in and just try, try to breathe and nod through it like you always do.
"I'm sorry. I'm happy for you, I really am."