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Vash is tired.
The entire group traveling with him can tell how exhausted he is simply at a glance- recognize that it's a type of exhaustion that sleep can't resolve. They've all felt similar waves of fatigue, the kind that threatens to pull you under the dunes just to find some kind of rest. It's just another inevitability in No Man's Land- in the face of such a cruel world, depression was as natural to the environment as its worms and suns.
It's different when you've lived through 150 years of it.
Meryl notices that Vash's responses become more repetitive, more canned (when he talks at all that is, often spending hours silently looking off into the distance instead of filling the space with jokes and stories as he usually does.)
Roberto notices brief moments of hesitation, so startling to see from a man who frequently throws himself into helping people before his brain can even catch up (Vash still does the same self sacrificial bullshit as always, but now it almost seems like he has to build up the energy to do even something that normally comes like breathing to him)
Woofwood notices how Vash's already sad smile, the one used to placate, the one that shuts people out in the most pitiable way possible, somehow gets even weaker (as if even that small tick of facial muscles was too much for him to handle.)
They all know first hand how exhausting it is to keep going- how no matter the strength of your convinctions, even for someone like Vash, the energy has to come from somewhere.
Secretly, Vash wishes that, just this once, people could learn and grow without it coming at the expense of someone else. How he'll always volunteer to be the one who teaches others that things can be different, even at the expense of his own flesh and blood, because humans deserve the chance to change.
After all, what's another wound if it can save others from the same fate, others who may not be as used to the misplaced cruelty of strangers? As prepared for the pain of yet another knife in the side, as accustomed to soothing your own attacker as you bleed out (emotionally, physically, chronically, inevitability). Getting your first scar can be traumatizing, but for Vash what's one more amongst a thousand?
The contractions of fulfillment and sadness, proud to have broken harmful cycles and inspired kindness in others- but sad that such a cycle needed to be broken at all. Some nights he just lies awake, overcome with the fear and relief and pride and fury and resignation that he feels, being the first in a crowd and yet still feeling miles away from anyone else. Away from humans, away from other plants, and furthest of all from his own brother.
It almost hurts more, to have the pain he's feeling be recognized, to be offered help, and to turn it down every time. It's not even that Vash doesn't trust people, he just can't trust them with this. He feels as if he's so much more fragile than anyone really knows, and he simply can't trust them not to cause damage out of ignorance- doing more harm than good.
He wrestles with it, knowing that humanity is full of so much kindness, but still guarding himself equally against gentle and cruel intentions alike. But Vash can't take the risk of trusting someone, there's too much on his back, he can't afford to slip, he can't hand over the reigns to someone who hasn't built up the calluses he has, he can't he can't he can't.
Besides, he knows that his burdens are beyond heavy. He can't trust most people not to crack under the enormity of his problems, to not drown in the flood of hurt that his cracking dam is barely holding back at any time. He knows how exhausting it is to support someone while going through your own pain, how lonely it is to not have any support. Vash wouldn't wish that on anyone, so he'll keep on helping others, even while barely hanging on himself.
Vash may not believe in a God per say, but over the century plus he's lived, he's come to have a little prayer that he likes to silently send to whoever is watching over the other tired souls struggling along in this barren wasteland:
"Do as I say, not as I do. Learn from my mistakes, past present future. I hope you grow faster than I do, learn quicker than I do, love trust live better than I do."